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Well i have woken up in my own bed, yesterday was a surreal day. A day that came and went like the wind whips past you and then it’s gone. It feels as though I didn’t spend 20 days in that room and go through that hell. It’s like my brain wants me to forget. Like I can’t remember what happened in that room at all, of course I know I was there but, I just feel like my body is trying to protect me from it somehow.
What I am remembering are the things people that love me did for me in there, my mum and dad in particular. Thier strength of mind and encouragement daily must have been difficult for them everyday. I saw the love of a good friend in his eyes whilst we chatted over a brew on the veranda that Karl made for us whilst living this nightmare.
You see, this has not just affected me its affected many in different ways. The sky ping conversations with people till late in the night. The pure love that was and is shared with this brute of a man that went in there. When I entered that room for the first time, I was afraid. Very afraid of how much of me this journey would take from me. How much would be left of me. Would I be a mere shell of a man, have his spirit taken from me. I was determined to have no words that insinuated, provoked, or were negative. It was successfully done, everybody was amazing. I will not allow anything into my life that’s going to affect myself and my wife in any other way than positively.
This is our side garden, it’s amazing how much we take things for granted, the smells the colours, birds that singthier chorus for us in the morning. My mum has always been very creative, using her abilities to write stories, poems, make pictures in new ways. With wool and other materials she expresses herself, I will take more of an interest from now on, not taking my freedom for granted. Cancer may have taken some things from me, like my ability to walk for any length of time and other things. But I have fought for my
I have fought like a warrior to take it back. I have had to slay Demonds in my way, I have had to die to myself. In the bible it speaks of dying to self. Trust me I never understood really what that meant by
John 12 vs 24-25 very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. 25Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life.
This has been me over the past 7 years, I have died to myself and have been made anew not only in my Body, but my soul has a whole new out look. Now don’t read this and think the silverback has gone all religious on us. It’s not in my nature to be that way. But it does make you appreciate, who I am created to be. An encourager, a loving husband, a good friend a kind son, a loving brother. Things maybe you already are, but do you ever stop in your busy day to listen and watch the world and be grateful for what we have. Because I will everyday from now on. I thank God for giving me another chance at life, I am so grateful to the team at the royal LIVERPOOL hospital, and the team at southport oncology for all thier parts in preserving my life.
Reach out to someone you have a gripe with today, give them a smile and a coffee and appreciate them. Love the people you find hardest to. It will bring you freedom trust me.
Love with your whole heart, or not at all. I had many positive conversations with the cleaning lady, that came in my room most days. We became friends, I will never forget her. I looked forward to seeing her everyday, I loved her attitude and ability to stop and rethink what she had thought for years.