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Good morning, it’s a very different morning this morning not having any appointments in my diary. No procedures to endure, no pain to face. I guess it’s like a runner that has trained for many months to do the marathon and its a few days after the event. People don’t mention recovery, most people assume once you have finished your “treatment” it’s over. “Done” “finished” it came to my attention this morning that my last blog “the end” was honest and real. I had not seen that I was doing that. Not opening up to what was truly happening, I have just been showing you what’s required to beat this. In doing that I have not shown humility, which surprised me. Because maybe this person is right, he might just be a self opinionated, self richeous monkey on the other hand.
Anyway this blog is an insight into what people don’t see. All the way through this I have had many many people help me along the way. Not just doctors and nurses (the people who have saved my life) from my family, and my friends all the way through. People who have genuinely asked me how I am, some that ring me to try and make me laugh and succeeded whilst in that little room. People who’s children have melted my heart, notes from neighbours. The Faith diaries of which I shall write one on here for you to read. My mum is really creative and wether or not she minds our fun going public. I think it’s well worth a read. You will laugh that’s for sure.
The humbling things folk have done for me, the messages on Cancer Stories.
You all went through so much, if I negleted any of you in there can I apologise right now. I don’t want to be the rough person that entered that hospital, I want to grow be more humble. Love better and certainly go nowhere near that garbage truck. I want to look outside of my situation and put myself in others shoes, looking at the full picture. Is any of what I am saying making sense?
I want to love better, listen more. God gave us 2 ears and 1 mouth I guess because I have small ears and a big mouth I thought I should be using the mouth more. My mum says I have cute ears (I hate that I have cute ears) but I must start to use them more than the fog horn I was born with on the front of my head.
When someone is in recovery, they are very tender. Very thoughtful, and very frightened they will make a mistake and it come back some how. When you have faced such evils as many of us have we so never want to walk that path again. People message me from all over the world telling me thier stories, a real man messaged me yesterday telling me of his exsperience. I was humbled as I read what he had written to me, knowing that his recovery would never end. See people look at the problem (Cancer) sometimes and not the person. Maybe I did that when I was in hospital. Maybe I concentrated on the Cancer and not the people around me. Please forgive me for this, I humbly ask that I be forgiven. You may never know how much love I have for others with in me, but I truly hope that buy reading some of my writings you are encouraged to be a better person tomorrow. Than you were today.
No matter how hard recovery is, no matter if I am only awake for 4 hours in 24. I will use some of that time to encourage you. Whilst learning to be better myself at the same time. It’s oh so easy to stay the same and not move on, but to grow and grow to benefit others as well has to be a good thing right.
Dear Dad, (and mum!) 14/5/15
I thought I was just gonna be hanging around, waiting for you, but it’s quite good here. I am getting used to the new noises. The clocks for example, they all make different noises and tell different times.
Then the neighbours – I’ve never lived so close before. I have to say I didn’t sleep to well. I had to alert grandma to various bumps in the night. I even went upstairs but grandad did not stop snoring, do you think he is deaf? Anyway – he showed me the garden. It’s a bit small but big enough to wee in. I saved the other stuff for our walks – 2 so far – walks and poos I mean. Grandad is amazed at how much I can do in 1 sitting!
I was a bit forceful on the first walk last night, and grandad said one arm is now longer than the other. So, yippeeee in the car this morning, and a big field! Guess what! There is a RIVER I went in it at once, as you said I would. WOW! I have to whisper that, I lost 2 balls in the long grass, but I found someone else’s instead. Don’t worry about me dad. I get lots of love here and I think I shall be busy looking after gramps. Lots of wuff, Faith.