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achieve, animal, attitude, bone, cancer, desire, destiny, encouragement, energy, facebook, friends, given, help, hope, hospital, life, lire, love, loved, muscle, partner, raise awareness, relentless, silverback, stories, struggle, survived, together, transplant, travel, tvr, twitter
Why I blog, well for me it’s a way of communicating without leaving my house. I finally decided to do it when we were on holiday in Northumberland. When I realised that cancer was going to beat me if I didn’t have a bonemarrow transplant.
I wanted a way of getting it written down and people would know what thoughts I had had, if indeed I was to die because of the transplant. It was a very real danger to me. But then as time progressed I was getting quite addicted to how many people were reading, and indeed who were not reading my blogs. I regard my blogs as honest and helpful. But to be honest (oh the irony) I feel like I am trying to swim in a place people call Blogging with out any buoyancy aids what so ever. I don’t understand what I am supposed to do, if there are any rules. I don’t know, all I do know is how sad I feel. That my legs won’t let me run, how walking is so painful. Yet blogging gives me a way of exspession. Oh how I need to express myself, but feel like I am just a small dot trying to get noticed in a massive sea.
It seems like an impossible task to find the right audience, in fact is there a right audience? I don’t know, but what I do know is that it helps me to release myself of the thoughts I have. It’s a place where I can be me, where do I start in my quest to be a helping hand for those that are experiencing cancer.. People who are fighting to be an arm or an ear to rest on or be heard. Where are the people that need to hear what my experience was like. Where are the people that we can help.
I don’t want to waste my life chasing money, I want to enhance my life by helping others face and beat cancer. we have a site on FB called cancer stories (friends) this has helped many face different issues, even talk about things they never would have. We have had people tell their story before leaving earth. Some of the things that have happened there have been amazing. I need to help, it’s a need not a requirement but yet I feel so lost.
I have my hand out, with my heart on my sleeve wanting to help. I don’t want to feel ill everyday I want to feel someone’s hand in mine, to help others move forwards. Using what is available to me now, I just hope someone reads this who can help me. I know God is bigger than this, and maybe I am just not doing the right things.
When I walked out of the hospital after my transplant, there has been no help offered to me since then. Just a person that did his treatment then left. I guess it’s a snippet of what a soldier feels like when they have served the years they signed up for now left alone. For them to find their way on civi street, away from all the people and banter. It’s similar for me trying to keep my sanity whilst having that feeling of helplessness. With no life jacket just treading water in the big blue sea. I know God is with me but where are the doors to open, how can a door open when I can’t find one.
One day I was happy, content to have found my wife. Building a life together. Then that ended and I got cancer, I hope to find out in August if the transplant has worked. Then it’s time for a party for all those that have been there for us.
Mark
All my blogs can be found at http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Dearest Mark – you are making a difference. Your daily blogs have helped me personally through difficult times and also given me pause for thought on things that are really important. I have no doubt you have reached out to more people than you realise. You are courageous and kind with an inner beauty that shines through in your writings xxx
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Reblogged this on pandyb and commented:
Another good and honest blog…enjoy
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Your dads sentiments are so true , to be held in such high esteem by your family and friends both old and new , is truly uplifting and an inspiration to us all
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Wow thanks Danny boy. Oh and thanks for your help today. Really helpful.
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Mark thank you again for your honesty. The journey is not an easy one – in fact it is really hard but you are doing your very best to bless and encourage other people whilst still travelling. Keep doing that since what you are doing is certainly an inspiration to me and I know to others. Our sincere hope and prayer is that there will be good news after the scan. We can only trust our loving heavenly Father for the future. He knows the way we take and promises to be with us whatever we find on the road.
I am so proud of you Mark. Thank you for being such an inspiration.
Lots of love, Dad
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Thank you for your kind words dad. Tomorrows blog will be better xx
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Mark, I read it all the way through 2x’s. I want to comment but the words won’t come. It’s been a long and tiring day…..a great day…..here with all of you and others I have met the last few months…..Yet, I am drained. To tired to sleep. To wired as well. I feel the brain fog rolling in, usually it’s clearing up at this time of night.
Keep writing…for yourself… for those of us who have had Cancer and are going through it.
Do it because you want to.
This was a good post. Sarah
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