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Good morning, I hope your feeling good. I want to share with you again today how I feel, what makes me feel good as a cancer patient, or even as I am now in recovery. The sentence we all dread “you look great” as a seasoned cancer patient, these words grate on me. We all know we don’t look grate, we have had chemo and or radiation. Which makes us look crap, our hair falls out, (in all locations) your skin colour changes and you actually look fatigued. Now I don’t want to go on about how the things people say make us feel bad rather I would like you to know things we appreciate. These things are usually unspoken.
A hug – man, I can’t tell you how much energy a hug gives me. It’s like you have pulled into a petrol station and are being refilled with love. We often have so much on our minds, when’s the next appointment, what can’t and can I eat. Have I had enough water today, did I have my anti sickness, did I take my tablets at the right time. All these single tasks take us away from normal living.
A meal – this means a colossal amount to a home that’s buried in cancer, a home affected by cancer. Because eating is actually perfunctory, you have no taste, and most things taste like rubber. But a good nutritional meal brought to your home, gives rest bite. Not only for the person with cancer but for the person caring. A one pot is usually perfect.
A cuppa – this must come without the question “how are you doing” ( How am I doing …. Man I am mid chemo) is what we think whilst smiling and saying ” yea not bad thanks” whilst also thinking there will be blood spillage if they ask that again.
A few encouraging words – like your doing great keep it up. Comments about your garden or something else can be a real God send as you don’t think about cancer for that period. It’s all you think about is CANCER. It’s a massive stone around your neck.
A phone call – talk about something you both love, that’s easy with my brother as we both love anything with an engine. Try and get the person who has cancer to engage with you about what you both love note – they may be exstemly fatigued sometimes best to text before calling. But trust me it’s nice to get a call from someone. If they call you, then you are trusted to make their day that little bit better.
i believed people when they said “you look better without hair” that’s not the right thing to say to a girl. In a female case I may ask if they want to make any changes. It’s about providing a need for a sufferer not your need to see them that is important here. People say to me “I need to see you” what is that all about. I mean where are the thoughts for the person suffering there.
Look I know it’s tough for everyone.
Never ever forget the carer. I remember the people that asked about my Andie and still do, generally if you ask how the carer is it goes a long way and they may even forgive you for saying they look great. People like this are genuine friends with a huge heart for you. I am so fortunate, I have a number of good friends like that.
The best compliment you can give someone is to say “I WILL be there for you, and will call you soon” please note. You know where we are if you need anything!! Is not any help what so ever. In fact it’s just someone to remember. But contact via text, sending happy vibes is so needed and nice. You know your cared for. That’s the bottom line really, the best compliment is knowing your cared for by what ever action you think is fit. It does include the word action though. Friends know they are friends by what they do, not what they say.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.