Lancashire evening post article

http://www.lep.co.uk/news/community/cancer-fighter-mark-beats-disease-twice-despite-delayed-diagnosis-1-7481482
Lazy on my behalf today but no chance for me to do anymore today.

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.

Tags

cancer, Cancer stories, chemothearopy, death, decide to live, decision, determination, honesty, hope, love, will

It’s only when we think we can’t carry on that we find the real substance of a person. We have all been there, head in your hands feeling that overwhelming feeling of uselessness. That there, is where life begins. Where the real fighters start to live a life. It’s where you find out what a person is truly made of, as I write I am reminded of a time where I decided (seemingly) that I was going to have no more chemo. It was mid way through my first treatment called ABVD. For those that don’t know, my first treatment lasted 6 months. 12 chemo son in all every 2 weeks. It’s such a shame I never documented anything, no diary no thoughts. Just my memory that fails me, that I have to work with. I remember being at the end of what I could bear. 6 was enough and I did not think I could take any more.

  
I had chemo on a Thursday back then, my decision could be a life threatening one as cancer was in my bones, allot of organs as my deceased blood poisoned my whole body. I remember being so stubborn, saying to Andie I can’t, saying I won’t. What was I doing, why did I want to self destruct by not having treatment. I did not know what I know now with regards to diet, and nutrition. It was suicide to not have the treatment I was being offered. You see I was on a trial, which meant they were learning from my treatment. So others could be treated better in the future. The chemo was also an acumalative treatment which means that chemo builds up in my body until cancer can’t live there any more.
Unbeknown to Andie I had spoken to my specialist nurse who had bought me time. The next day 4pm to decide if I would carry on. The whole of Thursday and Friday I did not speak to anyone, dismissing conversations. Feeling genuinely unhappy to be alive, unhappy I had cancer. Exstremly angry that I had even had cancer, every time a canular went in I would cry. It was a horrendous time. A time I like to forget but for a couple of people what I write may make sense so it’s for those people I write this. 

  
That dark day in September 2011 I had given up on life, given up on us. Given up on chemo, I had quite literally agreed with myself that I would die. Life ends here, I will not carry on. I know Andie pleaded with me to not give up, looking around with tears in our eyes. You want to give up on us she said, we were looking for each other all of our lives. It was a very sad dark time, one I have only just now revisited now for you. So that you understand that your not alone, that it’s normal to want to stop the pain. That chemo is most proberbly the worst thing you will ever deal with in a world where pain exsists.

  
I am still here though ain’t I, still trying to encourage people that there IS life after cancer. That it’s down to us to make the right choices. The next day was D day in our house, a day I had to dig in. I remember being knelt down with my arms aloft crying out aloud, asking the God of my understanding to touch me in some way. To help me to find the strength inside of me to carry on, that was a tough old day. A day I had to decide and I alone that I would carry on the battle.

  
That’s when I started to become strong, I started to stand and move forwards. Arranging for my next chemo to start the next week and focusing on finishing treatment for US. That us was important enough to endure this path. The purpose of this blog is to say these words to you. YOU CAN, just stand and move forwards,mbecause you feel at the end of your comfort zone, this is where you will show others what you are made of. The substance you have within, going that one more round when you don’t think you can. Well YOU CAN. TRUST ME.

Mark

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.

Help yourself.

Tags

cancer, Cancerstories, future, giving, help, helping, hope, kimd, love, reflection, yourself

What’s the point in knowing the answers and doing nothing about it. It’s a shame you know, how some folk always have someone else to blame. It’s never the fault of the person, it’s always the system at fault or such and such a bodies fault. Well how about, it’s our life and the buck stops with us. If we don’t help ourselves how will we be the best we can be. The NHS is filled with people that don’t help themselves, people that are not thinking about anything else apart from what they want. The booze, fags, kebabs, fatty foods. I am horrified to say I was one of those people, one of the people that went out on a Thursday, a Friday,Saturday, and Sunday night. Yup that was unfortunately my life, maybe I craved it because I was sheltered from it as a child growing up. Maybe I thought it was cool, but what ever way you cut it I did not help myself.

  
 Helping yourself starts with liking, then loving who you are. Looking in the mirror and respecting yourself enough to want to become a better person. To love yourself enough that you can help someone else. I know what it’s like to be on both sides of the fence, But I do now know that to love yourself is like the most precious gift you can give to yourself. There is no way of doing stuff to benefit your future If your in self destruct mode. The other thing is people don’t see you as a friend, they see you as a burden. The only way to improve life is by starting with you, but believing in you and treating yourself well. Stop giving yourself a hard time, start giving yourself you time. Time where you can find the real you, the you that’s beneficial to others.

  
I actually went out looking for me, I travelled from one side of Oz to the other giving myself time to think, cogitate and reflect on who I really wanted to be. Finding the true inner me with no distractions, just me and the road so to speak. I found who I didn’t want to be and who I wanted to be. I found I had qualities that I never knew were there. When I was in a good place, a place where I not only believed in myself, but loved myself to. That would be the time to meet the girl that is now my wife, it’s great to be a part of a team where we can always find something positive to say and do. But all we now do is to be a better us, not a richer or wealthier us. A better us, when you decide to be better it’s like a miriacle happens. You see the world in a different light, because you don’t think selfishly. You start to think of situations in others shoes. You start putting yourself in their situation so you can understand better where they are at.

  
All of the above and much more helps us to keep our mental health good, hey I am not saying we have it right, but I am saying that we have it better . It’s about waking up and being a better person today than yesterday, it’s about not looking at the circumstances. But concentrating on the part of you, that you want to improve. The circumstances will always be there, the excuses will always be there. Your choice is what will you choose to get in your way, or what will you choose to overcome. It’s all about mind set and the choices you make. Be kind to yourself.

  
Have a great week.

Mark

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.

Because there is an us.

Tags

cancer, Cancerstories, family, honesty, love, Markblackwell, support

We are just remembering the journey, my wife sharing with me how she felt at certain times. You have to be a special kind of person to care for the one you love in cancer treatment. Or any treatment for that matter. The person caring is on their own journey, they are also being drained of positivity. It’s upsetting writing this, the screen is blurred but you need to know what I will write. This is so others can have some understanding, of what it’s like, what its like to see the life drain from your husbands body. There were 2 people that asked me to go into that room, my wife and my best (male) friend.  I made the promise that I would do it, knowing those people would be there for me at my time of need.

  
The only reason I went in that room was because there is an us, because we are the reason we do. We have a purpose to survive, for each other. It’s really nice to have a person that you know loves you with their whole heart. It’s a source of strength, motivation even. As a carer or a sufferer it’s hard as you scroll through your phone on a Saturday night isolated from the world to know who you could call. You think about their situation before you make the call, you wonder who you will disturb and what impact that would have on their week and or evening. For me I had people I knew I not only could call but would be annoyed if I didn’t call. The people were (disguising their identities) The chemist, the retailer, and the money man. These people despite the things they were facing daily made time for us. They showed unconditional love for us, they gave me strength to carry on, because they believed in us.

  
It’s amazing that these people made me smile in this situation, they even made me laugh. This is what someone needs when faced with cancer and the effects of treatment. It upsets me to think some people didn’t call because they did not know what to say. It’s normality a person craves amongst all the nastiness. I was so fortunate to have those people in my life, I am thankful those people are still in my life. Don’t get me wrong, there were other people I could call but you ain’t gonna call a shovel monkey working nights. Or your parents when they have church the next day, or your brother when he is enjoying family time.

Just knowing you are loved completely gives you the extra strength you need to carry on. It’s funny how men don’t like to admit they love someone completely. I however love to say it, I want to shout it from the rooftops that I have survived and I am still able to hold my wife’s hand.

  
Just remember the phone call you make to that person, could make a huge difference in their life. You could be the one that makes the difference between  self belief and deflation. You could be the tonic someone needs to carry on, your words could be used to give someone the will to carry on.  What you do in someone’s life, surely is better than not doing. Whilst some people chose to do that in our journey, many could not muster up the right words. That’s why I am so grateful for our group  cancer stories (a support group) we are open there and you can read when you like and have a considered response when you like. It’s a place where we can all share our experiences.

  
Remember no one else can do what  you can, you are someone’s hope, their life line and only you can make that happen. Hope you have a great day being you.

Mark

It’s all about learning how to kill cancer.

Tags

biological, cancer, death, died, live, love, massive, remission, remmission, saturated, survive

Our bodies are quite literally the most amazing thing we own, we truly are. This morning I have been giving THE most amazing information which quite frankly has amazed me. We all know that chemotherapy kills cancer, we also know that our body learns how to do what ever we tell it to do. Oops sorry you did not know that? It’s as my friend says in Australia. “We are what we eat” how many of you actually know what this means? Do you know that our bodies actually renew our cells every 3 months? It gets used to the way we live, the way we feed it and because it knows pretty much what your gonna put in there it kind of goes on auto pilot. That is until we teach it a new way.

  
That’s right our bodies will only do what we tell it.. We tell it how to be by what we eat, just watch this short video before we carry on.

http://nutritionfacts.org/video/turmeric-curcumin-reprogramming-cancer-cell-death/

Your in the control seat, taking it further by looking at what your balanced diet consists of. Now whilst you may think I am some kind of nut job that’s on a soap box. All I am doing is looking at ways to save myself and passing on what I have learnt to the people that have chosen to read what titterings I write. My mission is to beat cancer, not only beat it like I have twice. But learn how to keep it away for good. Living a clean cancer free life day to day. Helping others to become educated as I want to myself, it’s not easy learning a new way when the old was has been your whole life. But the thing that Spurs me on (mainly) is how scary being in isolation was. It has definetley changed who I am, I am more determined to avoid that situation than ever before. “I will survive” the song for me is me speaking to cancer. Whilst my friend Rob may disagree, I will not live with cancer, I want a life free from cancer.  Listen to the words I speak to cancer through this song.

I want to take many others with me on my journey, ridding my body of the disease is just the start. So let’s put it like this. Sport, a world champion. This person has dedicated their life to being the best, on becoming the best they have to maintain momentum. They have to remain determined, and follow a strict diet and programme to remain there. It’s not just them either, it’s the team of people this person has around them. They all need to be doing their bit, keeping focus, maintaining fitness and a whole host of other things. This is what’s needed in our bodies, we effectively become wold champions when we beat cancer. But we need to maintain momentum so we keep it away. That our bodies are not an attractive place to be anymore. So it walks out the door. Cancer finds it difficult to live where there are no saturated fats and processed sugars. 

  
My blogs won’t always be about nutrition, but there has to be a time we discuss it as our bodies are made up of what we shovel in. 

Just food for thought, let me know what you think?

Have a great weekend

Mark
http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.

How to win the war.

Tags

change, fight, food, forwards, hope, love

I have come across many different characters in my colourful life, non more stubborn than my friend cancer. I was talking to a new friend yesterday who said something very interesting to me. He said that ” I told cancer if you kill me you’re dead too. Don’t kill me and I won’t kill you. Now that’s an interesting way of looking at it. An acceptance that cancer can live with you, but by not eating saturated fats, sugar products created by man, and processed food. Cancer does not grow, but has enough to be sustained. I don’t know if that would work for me as I prefer the eviction approach. But I guess some of you reading will relate to this brand new (for me) way of dealing with cancer. For me this way the war is never won, because everyday you have to outwit cancer. By not allowing it to have the food it craves. One slip up and it will start to grow some more.

  
My way was to totally rid my body of the disease, although now I am finding new ways of keeping cancer away. My not giving it a reason to be here at all. Cancer is not really into fruit sugars, nor is it into whole grain rice, or vegetables, ginger. It was mentioned to eat vegetables the colour of the rainbow daily. There again is another way as apposed to just as my mum says (“eating your greens”) there are so many different tasty vegetables out there. Sweet chilli, beetroot, asparagus, green beans, red,yellow,orange,and green peppers. The list is endless non needs to be boring.

  
Winning the war is about maintaining a life style that cancer hates. Cancer loves couch potatoes, it loves smokers, it loves people that do nothing, it loves fats and sweet things, it loves sweetness. It loves anything that’s not natural. 

In winning the war against cancer, we need to say “I WILL” we have to get up and go and do. Changing the way we lived and giving our bodies new foods and excercise. This does not always work in our bodies, but mainly. It’s about giving yourself the best chance at life,  whilst enjoying life at the same time. After all what’s the point in living half a life. There are many many battles that need to be won to win the war against cancer. The secret is to win each 1 before starting the next one, never looking at the que of battles just the one you are in. I say it like this on a hot sunny day, the ice cream man is always busy. The way to get through the day, is to smile at the person you are serving never looking at the que. eventually the que will be no more. You just gotta keep on doing, no matter what.

  
As rocky says, 

  
The battles I speak of are mine, the battle you have today maybe slightly different. But the ethos is the same, you will use the same ideas to get through the battle you face. Eventually winning your own war, if that be against addiction your addicted to, or something that’s addicted to your life style. They are all things that can be changed. What we say is what we are, saying I WILL, gives nothing else a chance. YOU CAN, and I hope you believe that. YOU CAN WIN. Say those words to your inner self. I gave up smoking  5 months ago and was sourounded by smokers in Turkey. That was another battle I won, you can. But you don’t know till you try.

Have a great weekend

Mark

  http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.

Respect for life.

Tags

change, food, fruit, gift, hope, life, living, love, loving, nature, Plants, remedy

As you get older, you realise how valuable life is. Yet as young people we don’t realise the value what so ever. Well I didn’t anyway. People always said to me, “eat your veg” I never did much proberbly a contribution to my cancer. 10 years ago I made no consideration to my welfare, I was not afraid of much and just did. I gave it all or nothing there was no in between. I guess I am still a little like it now, although I would prefer it if I would be more considered. 

  
Having fought for a life you learn what you need to do to preserve it, and quite obviously I do need to more careful now than ever before. When I was in Turkey feeling ill, I felt like a seal stranded on a piece of ice surrounded by killer whales. I got really scared, insecure, and sad. Because I knew I would have to go home and leave my friends. It’s a consequence of a vicious fight, that I won. The hardest fight anyone will face is to beat illness and maintain your health. It’s worth it though. As someone on Our Cancer Stories group said today, read read read. We are uneducated with regards to preventing our bodies from malfunction. 

  
If we educate ourselves surely we will higher our chances of beating disease. Trouble is you more seseptable to stuff when you have had chemo! your immune system is compromised and your much more likely to catch something else. It seems to me that plants heal you, yea I know I am sounding all hippi but I think there is some mileage in it. The fact that I came back from Turkey with a cold and it has nearly gone says allot to me. 3 days of eating greens and fruit and the lemon tonic prescribed by nurse Andie. I am starting to feel lots better and feel confident that we will be able to do and go where we need to in the next couple of weeks. 

  
For me a party is awesome, I love it. But not one that compromises a already compromised immune system.thats how I think now, it’s a change. But really there is only one word that’s changed for me, that is respect for myself. Respect for my family, and friends that I won’t put myself in a compromising situation that will make me ill again. Life is to important, it’s not a game it’s a privalage to be here. I am educating myself, helping myself to understand what things do my body good. Surely what ever is growing in the ground has the answers to restoration to our bodies. That plants have enzymes in them that would float around our blood fighting off illness. Combined with everything in moderation, we give ourselves longevity. Let me tell you, longevity is what I am looking for now. Ways to sustain me longer and help others do the same.

  
You are precious, but only you can treat you right. It’s up to you what you put in your body, I have replaced doughnuts with an interesting salad. Made from rocket leaves, sweet chilli peppers, chopped cheese, tomatoes, crayfish tails, and a bit of balsamic vinegar. Gotta be better for me as a snack, I am losing weight in the last 3 days I am not trying but cutting out bread has helped as well. It’s our choice how we treat ourselves and it’s never to late to change our habits to give us a better chance is there. 

  
Have a great week.

Mark

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.

Day 3 without Fonz

Tags

cancer, carful, flood, heavy, holiday, monsoon, rain, thankful, transplant

sometimes you have to wonder why some things happen, that Maybe you are being looked after from on high. 3 days ago I was on holiday with my friends enjoying the sun and laughter. Now I knew I was like a baby with hardly any defence when I went, it was kinda obvious looking back that I would get unwell. On day 2 I could feel myself feeling bad and just knew I had to go. I booked myself on a flight and went home arriving at Manchester at 1.30am Monday morning. What was to happen next was the type of thing you see in movies not to your every day person.
  
Firstly let me explain, when you have a bone marrow transplant like I did 124 days ago. Your body is stripped of everything in your defence system. It needs to build up an immune system like a baby has to when it’s born. You make sure your hands are washed and sanatized, eat fruit and have a balanced diet. Everything you do has to be clean. Obviously getting on a plane puts you at risk with all those peoples air mixing together like a cocktail. At the end of 24 hrs I was starting to feel unwell which scared me, I had a pain in my chest and knew I needed to be near my doctor. That’s why I came home.

  
The first day I was not there was just normal, the boys taking the mick etc is only to be expected. But day two effectively day 4 of the holiday was to change dramatically. It rained and rained only just stopped in the last few hours, although more rain is forecast. They are making the best of it I do know that, but the hotel food hall was swamped. The sand was being dragged off the beach into the sea such was the power of the water. The man hole covers were being lifted, and I don’t need to tell you what would have been in that water as it was coming up out of the drains. 

  
For me being there in those conditions was a Nono, amazing don’t you think that I went home. Amazing that I could and did. I have a cold which is on my chest a little but that’s all. I am so Thankful that I am not there now and quite obviously have someone looking after me more powerful than I. I pray that you will look after my friends and bring them home safe. Those lads will have a great time together and I know they will make the best of it. We all get disappointments in life, but on this occasion my disappointment is actually a blessing in disguise. 

  
The sun is shining here at home and I am happy to be home, I am obviously concerned for my friends and can’t wait to see them home safe and sound. I am at present in bed unwell eating lots of fruit, paracetamol as required and plenty of water. It’s even sunny here, I will be happier though when the pictures they are posting become sunny pictures. I guess they will have to get a pool side sun lounger though. 

  
I hope your having a good day, and that there are no beach swamps where you are.

Mark

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.

Today is a gift.

Tags

belief, believing, Belive, empathy, fear, gift, giving, healing, hope, life, living, love, motivation, self, today

I am remembering a story I was told as a child, a parable about a blind man. Jesus put mud on his eyes . After removal of the mud, the man could see. This is a bit like me now, knowing what it’s like to have cancer makes you see the world differently. It’s like you have been blind but you can see again. I saw life very differently before I had cancer, maybe even thought I was indistructable. I did not ever think that the man that I was would become so ill. I never thought I would have to fight for my life. 

  
One thing I always believed though, was that I would win. Don’t get me wrong I had days even weeks where I felt I would not make it, but I always believed with Faith no matter how hard it was. I know my friend Deanna watches my journey as I do hers, we have both been on a similar journey both beating cancer twice with similar attitudes to life. You can’t feel what we feel unless you have had to fight like we have. Beating it twice makes the world seem like a different place, I am still here with a life. 

  
What am I trying to say, well I want you to know that life after cancer, is like have the mud removed from your eyes. It means you can see again, we imagine our future very differently to life before cancer that’s for sure. Compassion is more real, love is more meaningful. Family becomes more important, things become irrelevant. Whilst at the same time appreciating what you have. One thing I do know is, that my life needs to benefit others daily. My life needs to help others, after all I would have been dead without the fight that’s now behind me. 

  
Parts of me are glad I have been touched by cancer, to enable me to see life in this new positive way. I have always been positive, but it’s a different  kind of positive now. It’s a place where I see the good in nearly all situations, a place where I am grateful to have what we have. I am pleased to see the sunshine or the rain, what ever happens it’s a new day and the past is behind us. We can only change who we are today, it’s the only day we have. That’s how I see life now, that today is a gift. That today is more special with you in it, your reading this because you have a life. Because you are living your gift, don’t you think that’s amazing.

  
Well  be amazed because you are amazing. But you have to believe that. You have to look in the mirror and tell yourself that. God knows I have made mistakes, I still do.  Am grateful to be alive, and I hope you are able to see a snippet of what today really means.

Enjoy today,

Mark

Not even a look.

Tags

commpassion, gift, help, human, incredible, lov, nature, passion, syrian

Not even a look.
We were at a location where Syrians had set up a camp just outside of our resort. Frightening to think there is poverty like that in the world. There were many walking up and down with signs written in the native language. At first I was afraid not knowing what would come of it, as looking on the news there seemed to have been issues. Non of the Turkish people seemed bothered. But as I saw them more and more I decided to look them in the eye.

  
Many people just ignored them including me, how shameful to not even wish them well. When I did look at the man in the suit jacket wearing a red scalf hat and a full face of hair, carrying his daughter. His wife in toe. My heart was filled with compassion and even found myself able to relate to his plight having faced serious situations myself fighting cancer.

I knew just by his eyes that he was desperate, he was not trying to gain money. Just to survive, to keep his family safe. Reaching into my pocket, I dragged out a couple of notes knowing he would at least be able to eat that night. I felt warmth from him as our eyes met. You could see his sincerity. People all have blood running though their veins no one chooses where they are born. But we choose how to treat them. It does not always need to be about money.
  
One thing is for sure though, I know I will remember the look on his face. A look of kindness can mean so much yet is overlooked on many occasions. But for me, to make a person feel good is not only free and a blessing. It’s needed to feel that compassion.

  
Have a great day and I hope you choose to give that look in the eye.

Mark

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

Blog with no name

I can’t tell you the emotion I feel right now, we have just taken off on that holiday that I fought so hard to be on. I don’t think anyone has noticed the tears rolling down my face. It’s such a roller coaster this road. I am remembering all the times I imagined the sea in front of me in my mind, all the times I imagined sitting on the end of the jetty with my friend Chris, many many times and now we are just hours away from that being a reality. All the people that have been there for me, keep flashing before my face (minds eye) all the names of the people on CS that have sent supportive messages and love towards me and my wife. 
  
Life is such an amazing gift, I know I say it often but it’s so precious. We are all walking talking miracles.

  
There is only 1 toilet that works on this crammed plane, people are moaning about the lack of space and the clostrafobic feeling. The reality is we are off on holiday, and have to put up with a small space for a short time. Being in isolation makes these situations seem like a breeze.
Hope you have had a good week.
Mark
http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.

Living in fear.

Please stop reading this article….

fonzandcancer blogging to encourage.

Every itch, every spot, every abnormality on my skin. Anything that appears not right, you wonder. You wonder if it will return, you feel torcher day and night. It’s a fear I try to dilute with positivity, with giving to others. I try not to be scared, but sometimes when I feel itchy I remember all the hospital visits and the pain that caused. The ulcers, the sickness, the weakness, the crushed passion that I have inside me. Today I was in the pallet shed with Karl and we began to talk about our dreams, we spoke about building our dream homes. The missed opertunities along the journey of life, or some might say the choices we have made become consequences. Or just maybe you are meant to be here.

Maybe it was all supposed to happen, and what will be will be. Why worry when you can be happy…

View original post 524 more words

Living in fear.

Tags

believe, dispair, faith, happiness, hate, hope, love, Peace

Every itch, every spot, every abnormality on my skin. Anything that appears not right, you wonder. You wonder if it will return, you feel torcher day and night. It’s a fear I try to dilute with positivity, with giving to others. I try not to be scared, but sometimes when I feel itchy I remember all the hospital visits and the pain that caused. The ulcers, the sickness, the weakness, the crushed passion that I have inside me. Today I was in the pallet shed with Karl and we began to talk about our dreams, we spoke about building our dream homes. The missed opertunities along the journey of life, or some might say the choices we have made become consequences. Or just maybe you are meant to be here. 

  
Maybe it was all supposed to happen, and what will be will be. Why worry when you can be happy, why not listen to all the advice I seem to be glad to dish out, without actually living for today myself.  How do I stop these feelings of fear, the bible says “perfect love, casts out all fear” I need to be at peace. Go realise that I have done my best to be here. That I could do no more except maybe give up smoking sooner. Why did I smoke, what on earth was I thinking. Was I crazy, what were the benefits? A waste of money, a cough, phlegm, and I stank. 

  
Why give myself a hard time for any of my life choices, I chose them. But now I crave a longer life, a healthier life. I crave to be the helping hand to many, I can’t live a life of regret. A life which is full of should have and could haves. It has to be full of, doing, smiles, laughter, happiness, freedom, faith, belief, hope and love. But where does my strength come from, the strength I have is a gift. Borne out of faith, confidence and self belief. You see not many people on earth will believe in you if you don’t. People pick up on your weaknesses and some may even try to exspoit them. I rember a dear friend said to me once. “Why don’t other people want to give, why are so many takers” well I don’t know that answer but what I do know are things like we are what we say we are. 

  
That we can turn left or right at a junction, and who is to say that either way is right. It’s our choice after all, so why be unhappy about that choice. It’s our life that we have been given, so you know what. I have to replace the fear with something. I am going to choose belief, belief that what’s happened to me is for a reason. That what will happen to me will be for a reason, that my life is of value. That  moving forwards is vital, that others opinions are just that. Theirs ! 

  
So my conclusion after this little talk with myself, this outlet. This one that you are reading right now, is the right thing to be doing, that my honesty and openness is of value. That life is of value, it’s an amazing thing to be alive and I should be grateful for what I have, not fearful of what maybe. We are given what we are given right, some get cancer and some don’t. I did but I gotta start to live now, I am going to look forwards and live by faith. By doing my best at all times possible. To live more, to give more, to dance more no matter how much my wife says it looks like dad dancing.

  
Have a great week, what ever you decide.

Mark

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.

PSG and ME.

Tags

belief, holiday, hope, love, memories, moments, motivation, thoughtfully, your

Morning, I am just remembering a holiday we went on, it was a holiday in Morocco staying at a hotel called “the mazagan” I would say it’s one of the nicest hotels on the planet, with a 7 mile beach, beds on the beach they called ( a little house ) the food amazing, service was exsqusit, and the class of people was one I did not recognise. Never had I or my family growing up seen anything of this kind.. It was a huge treat as my wife had wanted to go somewhere else. But found this place on offer.

  
The hotel was amazing, with an F1 style go-kart track archery, and a football training pitch for PSG  non of all that mattered to me all I wanted was for my wife to relax. For her to completely forget reality. She used a hammock, whilst I watched the F1 British Grand Prix, she was sent water and mohitos. Me and my wife are great together we allow each other to be who we are. Nothing fake, just us. Being who we are, rather than trying to please. It’s better to be real I think.

  
There was food there from all over the world, including a sushi bar. The standard of food was great, nothing to complain about at all.. One night we had been watching a World Cup football match in the main bar by the casino. There were a few guys in football tops there who I ended up, chatting to in broken English. We were in the bar for a while till 1 am my wife had since gone to bed a hour prior. I made jokes, and generally did silly stuff for fun with them. The lads either late teens or early twenties were in stitches laughing. I had no idea why. It was not till some time later, like a couple of weeks ago. That I realised who PSG were. I didn’t think they were anyone special, just people that communicated laughter with. I am not a big football fan at all, but don’t mind watching  a good game. Although many other sports would get a look in first. Basically anything with an engine.

  
 We saw them again the next day, as they walked past on the way to the training pitch. I was calling out and waving and they were waving and smiling back. It’s amazing though that they just treated me normally. I think that they were all very surprised that I did not want anything from them. For me the reality of being kind to people is what I love. Maybe if had known (which my wife did) I would have made an effort to get an autograph or two. 

  
So what’s the point in today’s blog, well today was just about remembering because I can. Because I am alive, a survivor of cancer and a winner in life where the odds were stacked heavily against me. Be the best you there is, because what’s the point in second best.

  
Have a great day

Mark

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.

Isolation And Cancer

Just had a read of a couple of posts that I had put up. It’s good reminding myself of the journey..

fonzandcancer blogging to encourage.

In isolation kicking cancers butt is a pretty daunting thing to attack, your mind gets used in ways you have never had to use it before. I find myself at times closing my eyes and drifting off to places I have loved with my wife, friends and family. Going to holiday locations in my mind, places where I felt happy and not sad. The day I picked our Labrador up Faith. Remembering how much of a blessing she is and has been to us. You see for me, I have not had Cancer once, I have had it twice. Endured 3 periods of intensive chemotheropy consisting of 30 days of actual chemo.

Now I don’t say this to make you feel in anyway sorry for me, quite the opposite. I want to encourage you that what you experience is not always going to drag you to the bottom of despair…

View original post 151 more words

Why I share my storey.

Tags

battle, cancer, chemo, chemotheropy, giving, hope, lost, love, war, winning., won

Morning, how are you today? It’s a funny old place to find yourself, having a storey to tell. My mind is full of gratitude for the NHS. My heart is full of gratefulness to have beaten cancer again, I feel a love towards others fighting. My heart is to help other people get checked out and hope they get into remission as well. Everyone that has faced cancer, are some of the bravest people on earth. Pioneers emerge like “Steve Prescott” Although Steve lost his life after the pioneering surgery, his name will live on because he was willing to put himself under the knife, in turn paving the way for others lives to be saved.  I love hearing about people like that, people that have a giving heart. I was getting a take away yesterday, and the LEP was there on the counter. With our storey in it, the man said to me “that’s you isn’t it” “how much you get for doing that” he said.

  
It was like someone had stuck a pin in me, I did not even think of making money out of the article. Only that I hoped a life would be saved. That’s all I want, for others to exceed the life expectancy by stepping forwards, fighting and winning. No one but the cancer sufferer knows how hard cancer is, and like my dear friend at the Indian said ” I didn’t know what chemo was until my dad had it” it’s time for unity. Time for us all to pull together no matter what our religious beliefs. It’s time to stand together, to work together to help more people choose to beat cancer. 

  
It is a choice after all, after diagnosis the person chooses to take what life is left for them or to have the gruling treatment. Obviously I chose to be treated and WON, I am not in persute of financial gain. Just the look on a persons face that says “I won” you see when you have won many battles to eventually win the WAR. It consumes you, it energises you to want that for others. I want to encourage you today, what ever your facing. That you have what you have, so use it to benefit someone else. Give without wanting anything in return. You will be blessed but maybe not with a new Ferrari. Maybe it’s life with out cancer will be your gift, you won’t find out unless you stretch out your arm to help someone else.

  
Of course there will always be that person that thinks about how much. But remember that’s how that persons brain works, we learn to be compassionate. Then we choose to be compassionate or not, allot of people are driven by money. I was guilty of it to before I realised that no matter what life is the most precious gift of all. What will you do with yours? 

  
Giving is such a selfless thing to do.

Have a great day

Mark  

Concorde. Made by extraordinary people.

Tags

Aircraft, amazing, aviation, British, fastest, hope, monarch, supersonic

Extraordinary, incredible, a technical master piece. Aviation excellence. Just a few words to discribe the machine that is Concorde. The trip arranged by my wife, as a birthday present, would show me what man made possible with technology from the 1960’s and quite possibly the most amazing plane ever created. Apparently we were to see the 2 story Airbus a380 take off at 2.30 whilst having our gammon and chips, and fish and chips like my wife had. Sourounded by pleasant people, and Andies work colleagues. Unfortunately I only saw the back of the plane, as we forgot to look out the window on take off.

  
The start was like being 8 again, as not only was the plane in service by then, but I had ended up in a room with 36 other people in a class room like set up.with one of those teles on wheels, like you saw in junior school when you were about to have a lesson, you actually enjoyed.  A man stood at the front and introduced himself, who I later found out, was the pilot of Concorde on a number of trans Atlantic flights. Wow what a privalage to be in the company of a man, that when he was 47 was captain of this amazing craft.

  
After learning that the engine did not fail on concordes last flight, but a rupture caused, by a piece titanium that had fallen off another plane causing the fuel to ignite on the planes exhaust. Thus causing a lose of power and the pilot to shut down one of the engines. Which then meant the 198tonne fully loaded plane had not enough thrust to remain airborne.

Then we went into the hanger where Concorde is, this is what your greeted with. 

 we learnt all sorts about the plane, how it flew at a maximum speed of 1350mph completing the London to New York journey in 3hrs 20 mins… Flying at 60,000 ft. 

Accelerating was 0-250mph in 40 seconds. I have remembered allot of facts about this plane, including the fact that my wife’s uncle and untie have flown in it. On entering the plane it was like one of those small planes with two seats either side of the Isle. Not really impressive looking. Although rolls Royce had recovered all the seats in 2002 at a cost of £16000 per seat. Made from composites such as, titanium, and carbon and trays that were level in flight not on land.

  
We were told of certain peoples seats, I myself sat where our longest serving monarch used to sit. Our very own queen Elizebeth 11 . Where Maggie sat, the list of people that had flown on this machine was endless. Sadly my name was not on that list. Nor was my wife’s, but we had the opertunity to see it and meet a pilot that flew this bird in the 70’s. A chance to sit in the pilots seat, and ask the very man that had flewn this plane questions. Showing us dials like the Mach metre, I mean how cool is that as an 8 yr old, I am 47 and still found that a desirable dial for my car… This was what I could see.

  
The whole day was amazing, making me realise how a little more just what me and Andie have achieved by beating cancer again. We have a life together, and I assure you. WE are gonna live it to the best of our ability. The world is amazing.

Have a great week. 

Mark

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.

Writing 365 blogs. (How I get inspiration)

Tags

belief, desire, faith, finish, fiwgh, hope, inspiration, inspire, love, well, will, willing, wonderful, Writing

Morning, it’s tough this challenge sometimes getting inspiration for 365 completely different blogs and keeping them interesting. I know many folk have been really interested in my cancer journey. Because let’s have it right. Cancer has touched most of us in some way or another. It’s something nasty, something horrible to face, it’s a negative process. So why my cancer story, why choose that to write about. Well here is the truth, I realised that I was facing death for the second time at 46. Now being a positive person, someone whose glass is half full, I will not accept negativity in my life. I won’t listen, I walk away from people that like to moan and groan.

  
Mainly, because I realise how short life is. Me and Andie love doing anything together these days as we realise how important this life is. How many opportunities there are in this world. People see problems, but I see solutions. Solutions are amazing, they change your life. Problems make us sluggish and weighed down, where as a solution brings freedom. They bring happiness and laughter, they make things better and more effective. 

  
During my 145 posts I have drawn on what life was throwing at me. I had no choice to NOT have cancer, but I had a choice to beat cancer. Many of you have watched how I have fought, watched how I have dealt with the many situations that I have found myself in. Both me and Andie have grown in the process, not just together but as individuals. We have started to value things more, like faith, and our home. Our true friends have become our family, believing that we no longer have friends. They are the family we choose, the people we trust, we try to find the best in people and skip over mistakes others may have made. We effectively choose to be positive about others. We (try) to see the best in our family friends, and help where we can. 

  
My inspiration comes from turning negatives into positives, aiming to use what ever experience I/we have to encourage and maybe even inspire someone. My aim is that every blog I write inspires one person a day, which is why I keep writing, because people are being affected in a positive way. I know because people tell me directly. I just love doing what I am doing right now, and actually don’t think before writing that I have enjoyed something so much in the whole of my life before. 

  
I look for positive statements in my daily life, and if I don’t find any (which is rare) then I tell you something I think you may like to hear about like my travelling across Australia. When I wake up each morning and see my radiant wife’s face, I am filled with joy that we have another day cancer free. Yep cancer free, it’s amazing this life we have. Today we will be at the airport looking around Concorde doing something different. So no prizes for guessing what tomorrow’s blog will be about. 

  
So now you know how I get my inspiration, I wonder how many other bloggers will have been inspired in turn by reading this. I hope many, because all I want to do for the rest of my days is encourage others to do, or have hope in what ever it is that you want to do with your life. I hope you have a great Sunday. 

All the best

Mark

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.

True friends.

Tags

friends, growth, happiness, happy, help, hope, life, love, pool

Morning…. What pool night means to me. Well I have to go a long way back and remind myself how it all started. It goes back as far as a birthday celebration that involved a week in bowness celebrating with my wife. Me and Andie always have allot of fun together, no matter what there is always laughter, on this particular night it was a meal for two in the hotel surrounded by OAPs and one couple about our age, well younger but it makes me feel younger to feel I am similar age to them. We invited Chris and Lisa Dale to sit with us and have a glass of wine after food.  Little did we know that our friendship would develop over the years. How important they would become in our lives, making friends with Chris’s friend Johnny as a consequence. I know you can’t have everything.

  
I find it amazing, how many people are involved in that circle because of that week it’s astounding. 

Now every Wednesday the lads all hook up and have pool neet, as we call it. Chris does not come but Johnny does, a grumpy old school friend comes, the BMW salesman, sometimes a plasterer, a holiday salesman, and our humble ginger, dyslectic gardener/friend/family I choose comes to.  They are great company, and although some can be argumentative, it’s always allot of fun. It’s fun as long as my concrete lions are left where they live…

  
I tell you this story because in my opinion it vital to have a day where you can let your hair down. Ours is pool neet, we don’t have to be a certain way, no one worries about upsetting anyone. We just have fun. I think everyone needs a night like this in their week Wednesday has turned Ito our new Friday night. Friendships that develop like that can take many years. How glad we are that we bumped into Chris and Lisa 8 years ago. You may not see each other every day. But 1 fact is, that they have encouraged me in the darkest times. 

  
True friends are hard to find, but having cancer shows you who will truly be there for you. Make sure you include those that truly matter in your life. Because you only have one. Thank you to all of you that have propped us up in these hard days. You have helped me and Andie immensely.

  
Have a great weekend

Mark.

 www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.

Self belief.

Tags

belief, believe, effort, faith, hope, love, passion, selfbelief

Good morning, it’s the day after my birthday which is a great relief to have made it this far relatively unscathed. Someone said to me recently that my blogs are a bit repeative. That I keep sending the same message out everyday. I guess the person is right to a degree because what I do write I aim to be positive and uplifting as I want to encourage others in their fights what ever that may be. It does not have to be cancer to need Self belief. We all have the ability to be able to have it, it’s just some people Choose not to believe in themselves. Maybe like someone I know, you have been told often that you would not amount to much by some insecure bully, which makes self belief all the harder to manage.

  
I want to tell you how I believe in what I can do even if I have never done it. Whilst facing cancer everything we had put before us was exsteme, it was hard energy zapping and seemingly negative. I set myself a goal, the goal I set was to become cancer free. To be able to look at my wife on my birthday cancer free to be able to start living as opposed to continue dying. No matter how bleak that day is/was I focused on that and going away. The long term goal that I had I never ever waivered from believing I would beat it.

  
You see for me, as some of you know I thought it had not left me when I was in remission the first time. Apparently this is called fractured remission. That’s when the medics thinks it’s gone but the patient does not feel it. 

I was on holiday with the lads last year, it was overshadowed in my head by the fact that I had a lump come back in my neck. The appointment to see the consultant was on my return, although it was a great holiday I never totally relaxed. Even though there was a black cloud over me I still believed I had the fight in me to beat it. It was a daily thing, believing I would win. No matter what blocks were put in my way I was and did believe in myself every day. Where that strength came from I do not know, but what I do know is that it’s now Gone. That holding the touch of self belief was worth it. 

  
The look on my wife’s face to have me with her yesterday was heart warming, we met a great couple whilst out for lunch with their English bulldog Frank…. Wow that dog knows how to give an ear a deep cleanse that’s a fact. Great moments that we enjoy because we chose to endure the treatment. I hope if your fighting and your reading this, that you are able to believe in the goal that you set yourself and make it happen. I believe the power of prayer is underestimated, that people can and will help you on your way if you believe. I guess some may think it’s a bit of a cliche, if you do then maybe you have not had to dig so deep to stay alive. If that’s the case, seize your day  because it’s a gift to be alive and well. How much more those words mean to our family now. “Alive and well” Awesome.

  
Have a great day,

Mark

It’s my birthday.

Tags

birthday, family, happy, hope, love, memories

Wow I can’t believe it’s my birthday. 46 was a horrid year and 1 quite frankly I would like to forget. However there have been some amazing friendships made in recent months, some amazing people have come along to help us get through that aweful year. Now I have woken up and the realisation that I have reached this mile stone has arrived. I am laid with my wife ( she has the day off) our cat Jenson is by my feet and our jealous Labrador is between us and refuses to let us hug such is her jealous nature.  

 It has to be a blog to say thank you, to tell you all how much I appreciate you, for sharing my blogs, for caring for me. Being considerate towards us whilst we have had this huge mountain to climb. My the view is amazing, it’s a view of quality people and as me and a good friend say. It’s a place full of “proper” folk. 

  
Rejoice with me today, we are off out for the day no idea where yet, but trust me we are gonna have a great day. We are going to smile lots, laugh lots, and hug lots. I want to celebrate the fact I have a life, thank you for making me mum and dad. If your going to give me anything today, make someone’s day somehow. By a smile, a comment, by doing something nice for someone that you would not do normally. Bless someone, not for reward. Simply because you can. Tell us about it, it will warm many hearts. Including mine.

  
Now have a great birthday because my birthday is yours to. Enjoy with me.

Have a great day.

Mark 😊😊

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.

Confidence.

Tags

belief, cancer, cure, cured, dolphins, finished, hope, hospital, love, patience, remission, swim

How many of us don’t do something, simply because we are unsure of the outcome. How will we know what the outcome will be if we don’t give it a shot.  It’s something people think I have in spades “confidence” Which is quite true, confidence is half the battle, if your confident then all the worrying small stuff is not considered in your forward thinking. Only those that are worriers will take into consideration all the bits that cause issues. Let me explain.

  
When I was about to have a transplant I went to see the doctor, who would tell me of the risks that my treatment would Entail, included in the list were heart failure, lung failure, kidney damage, irreversible nerve damage, pancreatic failure and many others. As I walked out of that room I put all the words and warnings he had said to the back of my mind. I had signed a consent form agreeing that I would have the treatment and if any of the side effects happened I would not sue. That’s what the point was, that I would blame no one if something went wrong. 

  
What do you do, wallow in self pity. Ask why me? Get depressed and overwhelmed with what you are to face. Or, get on with it. I chose, oh and it was a physical choice. To carry on regardless, helping myself to focus on what I could do, as opposed to what I could not change. The potential possibilities would always be there no matter what. So what’s the point in worrying, yea just gotta stand up and move forwards, doing the things that are in your control, giving yourself the best chance at surviving that’s possible. Like giving up smoking, thinking positively, never allowing people’s words to bring you down. Keeping away from germs that little ones maybe carrying. But no matter what keeping focused on a long term goal, moving closer towards it. 

  
The goal I set for myself was a holiday, a friends brother in law speaks about always having a holiday to look forward to, he always books the next one as soon as he gets back off holiday which makes each day that bit nicer. We were not able to book our holiday as we had no idea what side effects I may have after treatment. But what I did have was confidence that I would make it. Saying the words that you know I say, I WILL and I CAN. you can be what ever you want to be, you just need to have that confidence to remove all barriers that are in your way. To believe whole heartedly that I would win and stand on that beach with my friends, then in turn swim with dolphins with my wife which has been a life long ambition. Even turning down an opportunity to do this in Kiakora New Zealand simply because I was doing it solo. Doing that with my wife will be amazing.

  It’s now our time, a time for us to shake off the cobwebs and live our life. 10/09/2015 means I am 47 and oh how proud I feel to have made that happen. To have triumphed over that horrible thing we call cancer. There is a song that’s very dear to me, it’s a song that we have wanted to fulfil the words to. To feel real love in the home that we live it, now after our triumph we do. How amazing is that.

Have a great week,

Mark

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.

There IS life after cancer.

Tags

cancer, Cancerstory, chemo, energy, feeling, finished, freedom, grace, grateful, healing, heamatology, hope, last, love, respect, special, survived, treatment

As someone that has had cancer and beaten it TWICE! I am one of the few people on the planet that knows what it takes to beat it. My NO 1  thought has always been. “How much of me will cancer take from me” how much of me will be left after all the chemo and procedures are finished. Well the last procedure was done on Friday by having my pentamidine. I just have to have a lung function test done on Monday, then my dear friends reading this, then I will be walking free from cancer. I will leave southport hospital free from this dreaded disease, from all the things that’s needed to fight. I have slowly weened myself off of the medication and am out the  otherside. 

  
All the drugs leave you with kidney pain, chest pain, leg pain and nerve pain. But you know what non of that seems to matter. What matters is that the battle is now won. During the whole journey I have concentrated on going away with the lads as my end goal. To jump up and down together celebrating that this huge battle has been won. To see the smiles on the faces of the people that really care outside of my immediate family. To feel the freedom of being cancer free, and to share it with those that have been spurring me on. 

  
This will happen 1 week after my last test, the feeling I have within me is amazing. The prayers that have gone up by the many thousands of people around the world, the miracle granted to me that’s called life. I am so thankful, grateful, and blessed to have this life. I only hope that the people that have read my journey have been able to relate it to thier own situation, struggles, and challenges that you have had to face whilst we have been fighting to beat cancer. My wife is shattered, totally spent emotionally. She has faced everything with me, even holding my hand when I have been on the brink of losing my life. She has helped me find the strength to carry on. As have so many people along the way, people I was not to exspect to help have been there.

  
I went to see 1 of those people the other day, I went and had a Brazilian coffee with him. His children really loved interacting with Faith, and the feeling of freedom and being cared about were prevalent in that visit. i felt as though it had all been worth it, that there was a reason for a fight to have been won.

  
Happy family day, that’s what Sunday is to me. A day when me and Andie try to be together enjoying each other, giving our time to each other. wow how amazing that we can even have a family day. In my journey beating cancer, I have learned what good people are, what selfishness there is in some people. I have learnt that people can surprise you. I have learnt that not everyone is prepared to send you a message to wish you well, even IF people have had bad motives I always have tried to wish them well. I am also finding some diamonds on my journey. I am finding there are a few people that we can lean on, people that are reigniting my positivity for folk. People that want the best for you, accepting your situation but looking at the person not the disease. People that I want in my future, and are welcomed with open arms, because there is no hidden agenda.

  
It’s now time for me to remove all the cotton wool and bubble wrap, to start to live a life whilst I continue to blog and encourage those still fighting what it’s like on the otherside of Cancer. You may be able to pick up my excitement and expectancy of the things we will enjoy. Also the places we will visit whilst enjoying being cancer free. I can’t say those words often enough. 

  
Have a great week

mark

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.

Travelling guy pt 2

Tags

backpackers, desert, esperance, nelief, norseman, travel, YHA

So in part 1 I had set off on my travels and had gotten to esperance without the boring Swedish girls. I stopped 1 night in a backpackers and when went onto the YHA where I met quite a few people. I hooked up with a German girl who wanted to do a bit of sight seeing. So we spent 1 day driving around the beautiful coves of the Esperance national park. It was a breath taking place, and virtually unspoilt. It certainly did not have many tracks. It was mostly Virgin ground, that looked as though it had never been walked on before. At that moment I would say it was as close to the most amazing place I had been to on earth. Although I was still saying that the Gower pernincular was a very close first.

  I clambered on the rocks in the distance.
  This picture means nothing to you, but this was the yha where I stayed in 2003

  How awesome is the internet. All the pictures that I lost have been taken by other people and Google finds them for me. This is where I met Martin George. He has a son called Nathan, he started a company that I named for him called B natural. There was another couple I met there who will be in thier late 80,s now should they be alive. From the YHA we made our way to Norseman where I would watch the famous Rugby World Cup 12 years ago. These camels were there when I was there all that time ago.

  I think they must have had lots of corrugated sheets left over, after a roofing job. Such is the spirit of Ozzys. They made some camels out of the remaining pieces.. What else would you do hey. So me and Martin went to find where to watch the rugby World Cup final that was being played in Oz, but sadly I was taking my time and enjoying my journey across Australia. So we had to find a TV to watch it on. The Ozzys faced the English Lions in the World Cup final.  It was a bit surreal as we looked for a bar, there was a population of 900 in Norseman and mainly people either worked trucks, mines or were road workers. What ever they did they were real tough types, but back then I was fit and strong and afraid of nothing really.

  
Tumble weed rolled across the road as we walked and there were no people what so ever to talk to. There were 2 pubs and only 1 was open. The one we walked in had those cowboy type doors that were swinging slatted doors, which lead straight into the bar. Well the mystery of where all the people were had been solved. There was about 90 people in there. In we walked, I had a cross on each cheek put on by a girl at the backpackers. Every single person looked at us as we walked in. Just as the game was about to start. We were about 2 hours away from seeing that final kick from Johnny wilkinson to give us a 20-17 victory over the Ozzys. Many people bought me and Martin a drink that night and it was most certainly a fun packed afternoon/evening. It was like being in another time zone being in that town. The next stage of our journey would involve a drive across the desert called the nullabor. Which translated means nil tree.  

  Next time we do a travelling story, I will tell you how the 1150 km of desert treated me.
Have a great day

Mark
http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.  

8 Life Lessons From My Friend Who Got Cancer at 30

Source: 8 Life Lessons From My Friend Who Got Cancer at 30

The silver spoon. (A memory)

Tags

cancer, family, grandparents, love, memories, passion

Most of us at some point in our lives sadly lose our grandparents, so I would like to tell you how I think about my grandma and grandad on my dads side every day. When we were growing up, we used to do the 100 mile journey to the dismal area of Dudley. The house I remember the most was a terrace house on a busy main road with a street lamp outside it. Grandad always had that as a box to tick when buying a house, street light outside bedroom so wife does not need to put a light on. I do try to keep that part of grandad alive by having bulbs that need replacing in our house.

  
Now you know when you go somewhere, there are things that are familier to that house.  Grandma,always had lurpak butter and always put it on the fire (grandad switched it on to 1 bar as we arrived) so that it was easy to spread. I loved bread and butter there. Nothing else just butter, the taste was amazing esp as we were brought up on that plastic margarine as most of us 70’s kids were. Grandma always liked to cook and had very bad arthritis in her hand that made them look more like claws. I loved her so very much though, my grandad didn’t get on with many people, but he seemed to always have a soft spot for me and I never like to speak badly of either of them.

  
Grandad had more jars in his shed than I could count, they all had different sized screws in them set out in no particular order. He bought batteries for his radio, thinking that was more efficient than plugging in to the mains. 

  
They had a 3 legged foot stool that me and my brother sat on and regularly fell off. There was a top loading washing machine and I remember the mangle that was used to squeeze the water out of the clothes. Ruining most that went through it I would imagine. 

  
Milk was in glass milk bottles that regularly came in with holes in the  metal lids where the birds had skimmed the cream. Grandad had a Austin 1100 in the garage, that he stopped my dad driving after crunching the gears on one occasion. It was spotless, I wish I knew what happened to that old car they are so reare these days.

  
Grandma was always so loving towards me and my brother whilst we were growing up.  The house was a large Victorian end terrace with really high ceilings. We always sat round the table and had a spot of cake and or buttered bread, now there  was jam available but I just loved the salted Lurpak. There was always a rose coloured dish in the middle of the table with a silver spoon in it, it was just something that I saw at my grandma and grandads. I never really realised what that spoon would mean to me until they passed. I remember going to my uncle Ron and auntie Roses and telling them how I remembered the silver spoon. Everybody used it when they were alive to put their own sugar in tea or coffee, and it was almost a comfort to see that spoon in the sugar. 

  
My auntie Rose gave me the spoon which was in her cutlery draw which now sits in our sugar bowl. Every time I make a brew I use that spoon and remember my grandparents with fondness keeping their memory alive.  It brings back memories of Cosby chats round a fire with my grandad. Memories of sitting on my grans knee, memories of family time.  

  
It does not need to be something valuable to rekindle the priceless memories we all have of our grandparents. But if we don’t remember how will our kids know the stories.

Have a great day

Mark

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.

Picc line Removed.

Source: Picc line Removed.

Cured!

Tags

amazing, bonemarrow, cancer, cure, hematology, Hodgkins, live, lymphoma, Thanks, thankyou, transplant

Written on wed 2nd sept.

Today is a special day, it didn’t start out a special day at all. My wife’s in Ireland, I am home alone but it’s pool night tonight which is great. I had my blood tested a week ago as I had a rash on my body, but it was consultant day today. I had called the hospital, and they sad it was ok for the cancer specialist nurse to phone me in the afternoon. Now you have to know that my specialist nurse is lovely, I trust her, believe what she tells me is for my own good. I feel love towards her, and feel her passion for people.

  I spent hours in this room, and owe my life to all the medical staff that work here.
She called me at about 4 pm, I love hearing her voice it’s a nice kind tone. She talked me through my blood test, and explained most things were back to normal. As she talked with me she exsplained about the transplant. Saying that they don’t send people for them unless they are aiming for cure, now I  am not soft but I hung on that word cure. Like a lobster had its tea in its claws. She went on to exsplained that in the main, people that have a relapse after a transplant generally do in the first 100 days. Now whilst I am not stupid and know that it’s possible to relapse anytime. It was comforting to know that the odds had gone up in my favour. 

  
As she talked explaining different parts of what my side effects were, I found myself wondering if there was anything I could do to higher my chances even more. The next sentence has rung true in my head over and over again. She said these words.

“Of course you have to be careful, just like you have and will be. Mark, you have a life to live now, you can’t wrap yourself up in cotton wool any more. Your cured”! Well it took a while before those words really hit home. That cure is what was being aimed for and I have to believe it’s it.. About an hour later I became a blithering wreck. 

  
All the faith, we had. The love and support from my family, and friends. But most of all ( and it’s still there) the warmth I feel inside that my wife does not have to worry about me having cancer any more. Ok I get it will always be in our minds but we are free to enjoy life. We are free to enjoy a life that we have together… Wow it’s just amazing it really is.  How free I feel inside, my next visit to the hospital after my lung function on Thursday will be 22nd October  I can’t tell how I feel, but everyone should feel like this once in their life. It’s a feeling of total satisfaction, like no more could have been done. We did our best and it was good enough.

  
A special thank you to each and everyone of you that has and still there for us. Your amazing.

A really grateful CURED….

Mark

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.

It’s not possible, is it?

Tags

ABVD, beam, Bonecancer.transplant, change, chemotherapy, health, Ice, myloma, positive, remission

The world of illness is so depressing, no one seems to have any get up and go. Why would you, why would that even be a thought whilst suffering. Well I want to tell you how I kept my get up and go whilst being chronically ill with cancer. I had a family that was supportive, I had and still have good friends. People seem to think that’s all you need to get through. Along with a positive attitude I guess your part way there to having all the tools to carry on.

  
I would argue that you need a good imagination to, to be able to take yourself to places that are impossible to visit in your condition. When you shut your eyes, the eyes can be persuaded that your room is not what you can see. That there could be an amazing sunset before you, or your sat on a beach drinking mohitos in the sun. Hearing laughter from families having fun in the sea.  Life can be so different to what our eyes actually see. A whole new world is open to us with the use of our minds. 

  
I used to take myself back to a holiday we had in Morocco. 7 miles of golden beaches private for us to walk on. The roaring African sea never slumbered, it was always there in the back ground. Laughter would be carried on the wind as I stood in the sea being bombarded by wave after wave. That’s what I saw when I closed my eyes. I could turn around and see my wife reading her kindle on her hammock. That’s what I saw with my eyes closed. They were moments of pleasure in the world of hell I was in, in any situation no matter how bleak we can always remember and always take ourselves back to a better time in our lives.

  
I don’t know what’s on this path ahead but what I do know is that we will make more memories, and hope that we don’t have to use this method any time soon. In a short time I will be off to make more memories by the sea. I love memories, I love making them, love hearing about them. I love telling them to. 

It’s always possible to bring back or make a memory.

Have a great day

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience) 

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 

Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own.

Copyright © 2015

Making things happen.

Tags

ABVD, beam, Bloodcancer, bone, Bonecancer.transplant, cancer, change, chemo, chemotherapy, haematology, health, hematolohy, Hodgkins, hogkins!Lymphoma, Ice, live, myloma, PET CT scanner, positive, remission, results, scan, survive

Morning, some films are a complete and utter inspiration. We as humans can get inspiration from anywhere if we choose to look for it. Me and Andie watched one of my favourite films today. “The worlds fastest Indian” a film I love to watch. It’s one of those against the odds movies. A movie that makes you want the outcome to be a positive one. The man called Bert, played by Anthony Hopkins, sees the man embark on a seemingly ridiculous journey. He has built a bike that was supposed to do 54mph when first made, and hopes to achieve 200mph on it. The trouble is that there is 8000 miles between him and the place on earth he would try to make this record happen. 

  
The man was completely and utterly determined to make it happen, against all the odds and suffering many setbacks he day after day pursued his passion, believing that he would achieve his goal. Many people tried to stop him, discourage him. Make him feel inadequate. But nothing had an effect, he pressed on regardless. This true storey is an inspiration to many, giving me anyway a reason to fight. It encouraged me when I was down and out to carry on. It encouraged me to not quit, to peruse a cancer free life.

  
The movie can be related to any persons quest to triumph in adversity, anyone can achieve what they set out to do if the do not quit. If they stand when it seems impossible to stand, to fight when there seems to be no strength left within you. It’s a tale of courage, of human achievement. You don’t have to be interested in a piece of machinery to get something out of it. All you have to do is be willing to say the words “I WILL” what ever effort you make, whatever the outcome. It’s amazing what can be achieved by saying I WILL.  WE ARE MASTERS OF OUR OWN DESTINY. 

  
Listen to this track today and believe that “you can” believe it and reach for the sky and make it happen. Put a step forwards and pursue what ever your dream is. Don’t let anyone hold you back, just keep moving forwards no matter what. Finding solutions along the way. When your tired rest, when your hungry eat. But never give up! Ever!

  
I hope you have a good week.

Mark

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.

How remission accomplished feels pt 2

Tags

ABVD, beam, Bloodcancer, bone, Bonecancer.transplant, cancer, change, chemotherapy, haematology, health, hematolohy, Hodgkins, hogkins!Lymphoma, Ice, myloma, PET CT scanner, positive, remission, results, scan, survive

Morning all, hope you are well. Time for part to to more about Mark than from Mark. The last paragraph from yesterday.

When the trudge was halted by a small shed 15 ft x 12ft a place I was to have a transplant. On looking inside the small shed we saw many jagged rocks, there was nowhere comfortable to sit, there were no comfy seats, no positive words on the walls. As we looked closer though there were allot of people looking through the window. More people than I could count, we were amazed at who was there looking through. They held up signs one said ” in order to see a rainbow, you need to see a little rain” there was no way out of this shed. It was a one way ticket until further notice. A period again of unknown which required faith, love and encouragement. .

  
There was a box in their given to me by my sister that had a fun book in it to help us laugh in the shed. A lady in a nurse outfit held out her hand, her name was The same as my wife’s. As soon as I held her hand I felt out of control, I sobbed as I was faced with another choice. To take the 1 way ticket till further notice, or take the zip line back to the road that lead to black hole. Although it was a choice, there was only ever 1 way that I was going to go. I would go towards the shed door, to be locked in for a period of time. It was a time that I would need cancer stories more than I ever thought I would. 

  
I was asked if I wanted to know what was ahead, I declined although I did look around seeing things like, 144 hrs of chemo. Hickman line to be fitted, holes in the floor. Nothing about this place looked familiar or nice. There was no beer, no pumba doing the hoola. It was a barren place, a frightening place. A place of acute pain and lifelessness. Even so I could only see supporting people spurring me on, people that said we love you and want you in our lives for a long time. 

Sometimes a road that’s mapped out for us is not what we would hope, or choose for the people we love. But then you don’t gain anything without training. There was no escape on entry, there was a door which I was allowed to open, but it was preferred for it to remain shut. I was to find ways to exercise, walking with a stick and a drip stand was not easy. But I did it every day, I showered every morning, ate normal food despite the pain from the ulcers. Even having 2 meals to maintain muscle mass. The doctors said I would loose muscle, I was determined not to. I did press ups every day, even attached to the drip.

  
The drive home from that room seems along time ago now, and the words you are in remission I hear in my head 60 times an hour. It’s like non of the road, cliff and shed were real. Like they were not as hard as what they really were. That’s what your brain does, it helps you forget the bad stuff, and remember the good stuff. Many times in my room I had to ring the number to God.  Jer 33vs3 

  
Now we have a new perspective, a road where flowers grow, streams flow and animals are full and happy. A place where it feels safe, where there is not much fear. A place where winners reside, strong people live. The road is called “we missed you road” a place where people want to hug you, show love and people smile at you with no agenda. A place where a new stream flows from its source. We don’t know where the stream will take us. All we know is that we have each other, and our aim is to hold out our hands to as many people that we see that need us.

  
You want to scream from the roof tops that you are in remission. You want the world to know how good it feels. But although all this is true you are left with a very real and fervent respect for cancer, eating more fruit and trying to give yourself  the best chance at life possible. I thank God and all those that have supported me for my life, and the new journey that we have before us. CANCER FREE!!!!!
Have a great day

Mark

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.

You only live twice

Tags

ABVD, beam, Bloodcancer, bone, Bonecancer.transplant, cancer, change, chemotherapy, daveruttan, haematology, health, hematolohy, Hodgkins, hogkins!Lymphoma, Ice, jackie, Laura, myloma, PET CT scanner, positive, remission, results, scan, survive

Morning, it’s amazing this journey we all call life. We live yet we are such fragile beings, I feel privalaged. Not to have beaten cancer but that I have a life, but this is no ordinary life that I live. 4 years ago I fought the fight of my life. I fought like hell to beat cancer and got into remission, then starting to live my life. It was a strange feeling being told I was in remission. I can’t exsplain it but I never felt that it had left my body, my hair never fell out during chemo. Although it was tough and a hard thing to achieve, and I could not contradict what the scan showed, also what the doctors were saying. I had won, I had fought hard and won. 

  

 It’s great though, not because I won, but the people I am coming into contact with. People that can relate to my journey even sharing journeys they have had. Such is the inspiration for this Blog, a person that stumbled across my blog rang true. I then learn the storey about Dave Ruttan, Laura’s brother in law. This is about his story along with mine in one place.

Dave had colon cancer, he was married to Jackie Ruttan. This is what Laura has to say about Dave and Jackie.

My brother in law was named Dave. He was a bearded, chubby biker who drove a gigantic bright orange Harley Davidson. He was big and strong, fearless and wonderful. The day Dave passed, I was home alone, it was around 10:30 at night and I was on the phone with a friend. My friend started freaking out and said “I have to go, I have to go” and hung up on me. A second later my sister called to tell me Dave had passed away. Immediately after I hung up from her, my friend called back apologizing but there was a huge crash in his backyard. This is a man that I will never forget, and should never be forgotten.

This is what Laura wrote for their wedding day.

Dave, I used to think that you were the luckiest man in the world to have found my sister. She’s warm and strong and true. But in all honesty, Dave, my sister is luckier to have found you. Thank you Dave. Thank you for reminding my sister about love. Thank you for reminding me. Thank you for reminding any and everyone who meets you, because anyone who didn’t believe in love, changed when they saw your two faces.

  Left – right Laura, Dave, and Jackie
May your time together be filled with the love that I didn’t believe existed until Jackie met Dave. 

Laura did not make the wedding. Due to ill health. But Dave is like my brother he also got into remission. He is an example to all cancer fighters. Although Dave had Colon cancer, he beat it wearing a colostomy bag because of it. I imagine he lived life to the full after winning his battle. Although I don’t know Dave I know how hard he had to fight just to get to hear those words.

  
Dave was married to Jackie for 9 days before he passed away, the cancer came back and he was to weak to fight it anymore. But he lived a full life for 20 years, isn’t it nice to hear that during those 20 years he was to find what love was, what it felt like to know the security of a loving genuine hand. Life is so unpredictable, and it does not matter how big you are, strong you are. Cancer takes whoever it likes, but I tip my hat to a man that fought and won so he could live twice.

  
For me I have fought and won twice now, I have fought that my friends and family can have more time with me. That I may have a life to encourage others with, to help other people see a new way of thinking. Maybe give them (you) the strength you need to fight. You can’t make a dream come true if you don’t have a dream I say. So love your life, live for today. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone.

  
 I have a chance to live for a third time having lived twice. At 46 I have the chance to do what some like Dave didn’t get. Cancer is a mean desease, but we stand and I for 1 want to wish Jackie well as she prepares to marry again. I am sure his storey will be read by more people now, and guess what YOU can help more people be affected by his life. Let’s make today a day we share Daves Story. RIP Dave Ruttan….

Live because you can, do what you dream of because you can. You CAN remember that.

Have a great day

Mark 

Special thanks to Jackie Ruttan, and Laura McGowan.

https://skinnyandsingle.wordpress.com/2014/07/21/my-amazing-sister/
Remember press the share button.

How re mission accomplished feels. Pt 1

Tags

achieve, animal, attitude, blood cancer, Bloodcancer, bone, cancer, desire, destiny, encouragement, energy, facebook, family, friends, given, help, Hodgkin'sLymphoma, hope, hospital, life, lire, love, loved, muscle, neurology, oncology, partner, raise awareness, relentless, silverback, stories, struggle, survived, survivor, together, transplant, travel, tvr, twitter, Writing

Hi all, I had a message from one of our Cancer stories members yesterday asking to hear more about mark, than from Mark. So Leanne storey here it is just for you.

It’s hard to think back and remember how things felt at certain times in this battle, what I do know is that my brain tends to shut out how it really felt. It’s a self preservation part of me, a part of me we all have to protect us. 

  
Before cancer arrives, you are just a normal person that thinks cancer is something that happens to others, not me. I did not know what chemo was, I just knew it was how cancer was treated. I had no picture in my mind as to what it looks like. I had no idea what side effects it had, how sick it made you feel, how emotionally it floors you. 

This is how I see cancer, when you hear you have it you have 2 choices. It’s like you have arrived at the sea front and the only options are to turn left or right. One way is rocky and up hill and difficult, the other is down hill towards a black hole called Death. Which ever way you go it seems a negative way.  I chose the rocky uphill road, because I believed I was more than I had become. That cancer did not belong in my life or body. I did not care what this journey would throw at me, I was determined to win. I was determined to cross the finish line. As I travelled I realised there were more people than I had realised on the journey, my thoughts were to help them no matter what. My odds were not great at getting into remission which made me want to help more people in case my efforts were futile. 

  
As I walked along the road, I saw faces more regularly. My wife all the time, she was and is dependable. She always looked me in the eye with belief, encouraging me. Crying with me, laughing with me, and grieving with me. My parents and my brother were of great strength to us. My sister in law was a great support to Andrea keeping her awake after hospital visits. Bev and Josh did lots of fund raising. The further we walked the more people there were near us. Like a Tour de France uphill stage, the further we went the more people arrived to encourage us forwards. Spurring us on, sometimes looking back at the road with the black hole in it. Wondering if I had gone the wrong way. The road began to break up tumbling down the mountain, the road became a cliff face. A steep cliff which was impossible to climb, but still people remained holding out their hands, they cheered believing we would reach the summit. 

I was getting cut on the rocks, hurt by procedures at times believing cancer would be beaten almost left me. I would feel overwhelming feelings that this could NOT be beaten. 
  You see before I was diagnosed with relapsed Hodgkins Lymphoma  I started the group Cancer stories on face book. It’s now renamed as cancer stories (a support group) this group grew with other fighters, other people that were a source of strength, giving strength to all that were in that group.

Although the feeling on this road were overwhelming the people, Gods people. Were there for me, there for us. People we did not know became friends, and still are friends. Some days were impossible, even minutes became impossible. So I blogged and I blogged and never gave up, taking people on the journey with us, we found that the weight of the people with us was not a hinderance. The strength from them eased the load instead of weighing us down.  The people that were to matter for the rest of our lives showed themselves. People you thought were going to be there for the rest of my life recoiled, showing they did not have the right to be in our future. Learning to forgive those that made those choices learning to pray in a new way. Forgiving people for their limited knowledge and putting in the bin some words people say. But holding so close some of the amazing things people have said to us, holding on to everything that was positive in our eyes.

  
When the trudge was halted by a small shed 15 ft x 12ft a place I was to have a transplant. On looking inside the small shed we saw many jagged rocks, there was nowhere comfortable to sit, there were no comfy seats, no positive words on the walls. As we looked closer though there were allot of people looking through the window. More people than I could count, we were amazed at who was there looking through. They held up signs one said ” in order to see a rainbow, you need to see a little rain” there was no way out of this shed. It was a one way ticket until further notice. A period again of unknown which required faith, love and encouragement. …….. Part 2 tomorrow.

Keep strong

Mark

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.