We are just remembering the journey, my wife sharing with me how she felt at certain times. You have to be a special kind of person to care for the one you love in cancer treatment. Or any treatment for that matter. The person caring is on their own journey, they are also being drained of positivity. It’s upsetting writing this, the screen is blurred but you need to know what I will write. This is so others can have some understanding, of what it’s like, what its like to see the life drain from your husbands body. There were 2 people that asked me to go into that room, my wife and my best (male) friend. I made the promise that I would do it, knowing those people would be there for me at my time of need.
The only reason I went in that room was because there is an us, because we are the reason we do. We have a purpose to survive, for each other. It’s really nice to have a person that you know loves you with their whole heart. It’s a source of strength, motivation even. As a carer or a sufferer it’s hard as you scroll through your phone on a Saturday night isolated from the world to know who you could call. You think about their situation before you make the call, you wonder who you will disturb and what impact that would have on their week and or evening. For me I had people I knew I not only could call but would be annoyed if I didn’t call. The people were (disguising their identities) The chemist, the retailer, and the money man. These people despite the things they were facing daily made time for us. They showed unconditional love for us, they gave me strength to carry on, because they believed in us.
It’s amazing that these people made me smile in this situation, they even made me laugh. This is what someone needs when faced with cancer and the effects of treatment. It upsets me to think some people didn’t call because they did not know what to say. It’s normality a person craves amongst all the nastiness. I was so fortunate to have those people in my life, I am thankful those people are still in my life. Don’t get me wrong, there were other people I could call but you ain’t gonna call a shovel monkey working nights. Or your parents when they have church the next day, or your brother when he is enjoying family time.
Just knowing you are loved completely gives you the extra strength you need to carry on. It’s funny how men don’t like to admit they love someone completely. I however love to say it, I want to shout it from the rooftops that I have survived and I am still able to hold my wife’s hand.
Just remember the phone call you make to that person, could make a huge difference in their life. You could be the one that makes the difference between self belief and deflation. You could be the tonic someone needs to carry on, your words could be used to give someone the will to carry on. What you do in someone’s life, surely is better than not doing. Whilst some people chose to do that in our journey, many could not muster up the right words. That’s why I am so grateful for our group cancer stories (a support group) we are open there and you can read when you like and have a considered response when you like. It’s a place where we can all share our experiences.