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Do you understand what that sentence means, do you know what your limits are. Once a man/woman has stretched their mind. They are never the same person again, you see people that have faced a seemingly impossible task, but come through the other side. You know what it means to feel weak, weak is where we find out how strong we really are. There are people in life that won’t face a situation, they walk away not facing up to what is before them. Lie to themselves even so they don’t even have to face up to it. We have all been there, a situation before us but we don’t all respond the same. We,are not supposed to though, are we?
You see in life, we all have crap days those days will never be anything else in our minds. Just crap, but what can we get from those days, do we just look on them with negativity knowing that we were weak that day. Give ourselves a hard time because it was not a good day. Or do we learn from it when we remember it, cancer is an exstrordinary journey. It’s a time in your life that you get pushed beyond the limits of what you thought were possible.
Being in a room having a transplant transports you to times in your life you had forgotten about, memories of childhood things you did, things you didn’t do. Remembering stuff that was part of a life you had, but knowing your cancer will change you forever. There were days in that small room I shook, such was the desire to leave that room. To terminate the process and effectively GIVE UP. If you have ever had to much to drink you feel like your being tipped off the bed, like your out of control. That’s what it was like for me in that room, that’s what it was like to have a transplant as you approached being neutrapeenic. I remember needing to talk to someone other than my ever faithful wife, to get some perspective to be told I could do it.
When you finally become neutrapeenic, your no longer in control, and nor are the defences in your body. Your the most vulnerable you will ever have been in your life in every aspect. You are effectively living in a defenceless body no defence what so ever against infection, your body feels weak and ineffective. Why? Because it is, you become small and weak. You become a baby with no ability to fight, you shake and grit your teeth. Think of ways to escape, holusanate. All these things happened to me, but was I really weak.?
Because of what happened to me I see strength in my weakness, if I had not faced the situation I would not have learnt the lessons I have learnt because of cancer. So has not cancer actually given me a gift of strength. If you are facing a seemingly impossible situation, when you get to the other side you will see how strong you actually were because of the situation you were in. It’s made you who you are today. Just make sure you keep moving forwards. You WILL win.
Keep on doing
Ps I lost most of this blog and had to rewrite it. I was soo unhappy when I did, but I rewrote it.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.