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Sometimes I recall moments in my cancer journey quite clearly, Neutropenic is a word that people have heard but are unaware of what it means. So I will do my best to exsplain how it feels and what it means.

Warning – this is my exsperience not a medical account!

So as I understand it we have white blood cells, these work together with our lymphatic systems to protect us against illness, they are the ninjas of our blood killing and imprisoning anything bad within our bodies. When someone is on chemotherapy, the drugs kill all the hood cells and the fighters that are white in our blood. They get killed by the poison which is chemo, which then makes the person having treatment vulnerable to becoming ill from other infections such as viruses, colds, chest infections and so forth. That’s why I get so cross when I see someone sniffing and coughing sat with a patient, thinking they are helping they actually put the person and others around at risk, not only of the infection they have as they don’t have a defence. But also the other people being treated also are at risk. It’s actually selfish to have a cold and visit someone on chemo. Even packages need wiping with antibacterial wipes at least. 

Good blood will always reproduce new cells which is one of the reasons why people on chemo are so tired, because the body is fighting all the time. As well as doing the normal things that it does, it’s attempting to get rid of the poison that is chemo. It’s an exstreme situation having chemo, and people don’t realise how hard it is unless you have had to deal with it. Neutrapeenic is a step further, when your blood is in this state it means that there is not a reduction from. (Eg 5.6 to 2.8) it is at 0.00 this means there is absolutely no defence from anything what so ever. It makes you feel unreasonable, giving you out of control feelings. Such as falling feelings, floating feelings and exstremly insecure feelings. When it first happened to me having my transplant,mall I was told is you will feel like your having your worst hangover ever. 

For me, it was nothing like it. I was reminded today I am a control freak, maybe not a freak but I love to have control of situations. It’s not a bad thing, it’s just how I am made why change how I am made. After all that is not a choice, it’s part of my make up. When in this condition they call Neutropenic you are without doubt out of control. It was far worse than a hangover, I wanted to run away from what I felt. I needed distractions from what I felt inside, and calming even which I did by the use of strong tranquillisers. It’s how I dealt with it, although having Paul there to talk with was huge for me and for Andie. Imagine how she felt and having to leave me there to whilst she went and crawled into a duck down duvet. Well she didn’t, she slept on the settee knowing I was not comfortable. 

It’s dangerous in that state and germs have to be kept away at all costs, when you start to come back and your blood gets to 1.0 on the white blood cells you are sent home. I have tried to forget the feelings I felt in there, but I guess it never leaves you. So that’s it Neutropenic in brief. If you have any questions I would be happy to answer you.

Have a good day, you are amazing.


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Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.