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I don’t want to hear how well Peggy Sue is doing, I know she is doing better than I was at that point in recovery, but this is how I feel. Have you ever thought that? Well I have! People saying how well other people are doing in their recovery. Well you have to know that while people see me as strong and unshakable, I have side effects in recovery that are normal, but not all people have the same as I do. In fact I would go so far as to say no one has exactly the same side effects as another person. I get more side effects the more I do, which is a bit frustrating to say the least.
I was talking to someone today what was saying, that she wants to tell people how she feels not have people tell her how others have felt. This is NOT selfish, this is part of the process of having a disease. Part of a recovery process, it’s one of the golden rules when talking to someone quit saying what is was like unless you say ” would you like to hear how it was for me”? I have had people say no. Oh and guess what, that’s fine to. Because the battle someone faces is worse than anyone else’s as it unfolds. What they face is real NOW, so many people think that telling the world how it was for someone else, is “comforting?” I know right?
You know what comforting. Knowing that person has their phone next to them for you yo call if you need to. A gentle text, flowers that smell nice. That can also be a problem if they have lost the ability to taste or smell. The most important thing to do, here it is the money sentence. LISTEN….. Just listen to them, hug them and make sure they know you care! Simple isn’t it and yes it really is that simple. Sometimes sitting and saying nothing is better than trying to make conversation.
Fonz
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Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com
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Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own.
fonzandcancer blogging to encourage. 
The problem with it all is that as a human, human’s want to have that last word, they want to give encouragement without realizing that sometimes encouragement can be more harmful than the thing that is hurting us. I don’t think any of this is done purposefully, not with the intent to harm.
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Exactly! At last someone who think like me. Why people expect us to react like them? I know the best way to battle with my trauma. Just leave me alone! Just be there for me, but spare me your nasty attitude, and most of all, don’t say ONE WORD!
Thak you for this post, I truly enjoyed reading it.
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I am glad it meant something to you. 😊
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Reblogged this on thebabayagaproject.
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Thanks for dropping by my Black & White Blog and following. I hope you enjoy my photos.
I certainly can understand a little of what you may be feeling (having long term chronic illness and severe pain most days).
If I hear one more person say….”have you tried…..?????…..this worked for me” I will personally strangle them.
We are all unique and all have a story to tell.
I hope you have the support and sympathetic ear to listen when you need to talk about your day and how you’re feeling. Listening without commenting is one of the best things anyone can do to help those going through a health crisis (or like me having over 30+ years of chronic ill health).
The second thing is someone offering to do a small chore for you. I wish my family wouldn’t wait for me to ask. I wish they would spontaneously, out of the blue, ring me and ask how I am and if they can do anything for me e.g. shopping. I wish they would take the time to read and be informed about my health conditions.
I wish you well on your health journey and hope you get the very best of treatment and care.
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Vicki, thanks so much for stopping by, I hope we can follow each other. I am a great listener and run a support group on face book should you wish to join? It’s a cancer support group but illness is just that. People don’t understand only those that have had illness get it. I fact I think a lot of people think we exaggerate. It’s a shame.
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Thanks for your words, but unfortunately I follow far too many blogs and rarely even get to my F/B page, but I appreciate your invitation. I wrote and supported many people on the ME/CFS/FM forum I belonged to in 2009-2011. I gave up that when I had to take early retirement due to chronic ill health and pain and took up Photography. Photography has been my passion and saviour in the last 6 years.
Only those who suffer great pain on an ongoing basis truly understand how bad it can get. It’s not like a migraine or a sore back from over-exertion for 3 days. It’s day in, day out, week after week, month after month and finally you realise that it’s taken over your life.
It’s only on the rare day, maybe 3-4 days a year when one is completely pain-free that one realises how bad it really is on a daily basis.
I live each day Mindfully. I live in the moment and enjoy each simple pleasure for what it is. I live my life the best I can with what has been dished up to me.
I find supporting a few others online can be a very positive experience.
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I agree apart from the 3-4 days. I wish… I must message 200 people a week minimum, it’s certainly a great distraction. I wish you well. 😊
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In my case it might not be goodness per se, as maybe God knows the spiritual light of my mother and father and has taken there prayers into account when I’m challenged to being the person like them I want to be rather than at times less than I should be.
We’re all works in progress; but it does feel at times in those darker moments at night that I’m farther away from the light then I want to be.
Happy battles and hope your week goes well….
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You are without doubt a thoughtful person. We are never the finished article are we. 😊
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Very wise… I think it’s important to remind people how to be supportive. “Greater than a thousand meaningless words is a single reasonable word that brings calm to those who are listening.” (Buddha)
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I tend to think; from my own personal experience anyway, is the need to recognize the many different ways people deal with there own fear, there uncomfortable feelings of not knowing what to really say in such situations, whether friends or otherwise who have physical, mental, or spiritual upheavals that challenge the imperfections we all have to one level or another.
To be honest I had a much rougher time dealing and working through the health issues of my daughter, than the ones I’ve went through several times over the years. As bad as our own problems get, I’d rather have them hit me rather than my children.
Though I wasn’t appreciative of such personal attention at times, it pushed me to take a step back from my own problems and help those that did want to help me in some way. Lifting myself up as I learned to help them up.
so it seems to me anyway….hope everyone has a good week.
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What you say is now how I live my life. You are truly a good person. 😊
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