Yep that’s how it feels, you find a lump that’s cancer the you feel like the lump carrying the lump that’s taking up space. Hardly anyone will read this but this is how us cancer patients feel. We feel like we are worthless, we feel like a failure even because cancer chose us. I mean what did we do to deserve it, are we being punished for something we did? Some of the things that go through our minds are not even writable. Isn’t life hard enough with out this crap they call cancer. The lump they call cancer that lives in our bodies they we render useless because of cancer. How pathetic we feel because cancer chose us, how much despair we feel because cancer came. We look out at the rain dripping down our window pains and wonder if the sun will ever shine again, we cogitate the things we never did that we should have and feel regret. We feel feelings that someone who has never had cancer will hopefully never feel.
I remember exspecting the world to stop just so I could get my head around what was happening for a moment. But wait, was cancer such a bad thing for me looking back. When I look back now at how I dealt with the feelings, that’s what got me through, my attitude to what I as a cancer sufferer mattered the most. It made a huge differance to the desease that was in my body.
I started to look at the world differently and see positives in everything around me. Feeling pleasure to be able to feel the wind on my face, feelings of despair were replaced by thoughts of hope because that’s what I chose to do. I chose to look for the good in everything I saw, I started to see cancer as an oppertunity, not a disability. We only know how hard that is for a person to do, to appreciate our surroundings. To appreciate the medical staff, the people that researched cancer to find a way to make us well again. Quickly skipping over the companies that make billions out of cancer we have to be thankful for our lives. Of course I am not grateful to have had cancer, but what I am is grateful that I have learnt what I have because of cancer. If it was not for cancer maybe I would not be able to see the good all around me as well as what I can now. Maybe because of our attitude to it, that’s what helps cancer become a blessing. That our eyes are opened to what others cannot see. These days I see an appointment to the hospital as an oppertunity to bless someone, even if that is just making them a coffee at the machine, or tea if they prefer.
My attitude to the lump I found first time was to hide, from everyone and everything. My attitude the second time I got cancer was to affect the world. Maybe I have achieved that to a small degree, but I have achieved that, and that is because of cancer.
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Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own.
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