It was that day when I had to go for my results, it did not matter who was in that room. My wife was there, the consultant, student nurse. 7-9 people in the room altogether. Yet I felt so alone, so afraid and so weak. Non of it was in my plan for my life. It was not in my mind when I said I do to the person I wanted to spend my whole life with. What kind of crap is this, that I had to sit in that chair on that day and hear those words. I want to try and help you to understand what happens when you hear those words.
You see up until that day I was invincible, indistructable, a mountain of indistructable muscle. But I wasn’t was I, I like everyone else was falable. Those words pulled the rug from under me, made me lose my footing and fall to the ground in a heap in my mind. ” You have cancer ” he said. The world went blurred, black and white if you like. Life became like a vivid dream. That everyone should stop moving whilst I came to terms with those crushing words that I just heard. It was like a cloud of negativeness had just engulfed me. It did not matter how much I knew people loved me, as that tear rolled down my cheek, I just felt alone like no one knew or could actually understand what I felt.
I believed everyone should just STOP, let me tell you how I feel. Just allow me a little time to come to terms with this horrific day, to do that you have to all STOP though. But no one stopped, no one allowed me time to understand what Chemo was. Nothing stopped only my world stopped, only our life was discontinued. Weeks maybe months they said without treatment. WHAT? Oh no not me, not a chance. I had more life to live and more to give than just an exsistance. My life was for a reason and I was going to fight and make sure I lived that life so others could be blessed. The cancer may be real, the effect may be real. Even the world not stopping was real, but so was my stubborn determination to make my life count.
Cancer is a lonely road to find yourself on, but trust me it’s the stubbornness to survive that has given me the breath I breath today. Nearly 6 years ago I heard those words, then heard them again last year. But I was also able to hear the words that I heard 1 year ago. “You are in remission” I was at 4a once upon a time, the closest to terminal you can get to with out actually losing hope in the life you had. I am not saying that things are normal again. Because they are not, but what they are is honest, real, reflective, and Gracious. I am grateful for the breath that I breath, and want to love those around me. Care for people where once I did not even concider them. Please God forgive me for that. Who ever you are, whatever your going through, when someone hears the words “You have cancer” right then at that moment is when your life changes forever. Dare I even say, cancer will give you gifts along the way. It will be lonely, it will be something that’s an interference but ultimately you can help others too.
Just stand up and do, don’t live a life with regret. You have a life, Live it.
Fonz
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Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com
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Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories.
Copyright © 2016
vivalaViv said:
Thank you for sharing it with us. I can’t say (yet) that I know how you felt, but I have lost BOTH my parents to Pancreatic Cancer… My late mother never even drank or smoked… Just when we thought that we have a good ‘control’ of our body and health… Think again; we don’t!
Vivienne X
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Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, MCC, SCAC said:
It’s been over two decades since I heard “melanoma” in a similar room. I didn’t realize I had been coping through suppression until I got my 5 year clear, statistically “the same” as one without that diagnosis. I walked out of the treatment room, smiled at a stranger and shared my good news – and suddenly burst into sobs.
It is different for everyone, and the same for us all: the meaning of life changes on a dime. Onward and upward.
xx,
mgh
(Madelyn Griffith-Haynie – ADDandSoMuchMore dot com)
– ADD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching co-founder –
“It takes a village to educate a world!”
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Kate McClelland said:
Reblogged this on Kate McClelland.
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sheldonk2014 said:
Hey I know
I’ve got a lot more to do
it’s that there are days it kicks me so hard
I’m doing everything I can to rise
I will get there
As always Sheldon
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fonzandcancer said:
Sheldon (my friend ?)
I continue to hope, and pray when I remember that you will be ok, love and blessings from the UK xx
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sheldonk2014 said:
Thank you my friend
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fonzandcancer said:
No problem hope your managing better today than yesterday.
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sheldonk2014 said:
Two Dr appointment
Both I’m not looking forward to
I’ve been chasing the blues this morning by doing art work
And writing poetry
It the only thing that works
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fonzandcancer said:
But you are doing, that’s the main thing x
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Liz said:
An awesome testament to determination!
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fonzandcancer said:
An awesome person commenting. Thank you. X
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Liz said:
🙂
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sheldonk2014 said:
It takes a lot to stand in the face of adversity
And say no way
I’ve got plans
I have been there
And since April
I am there again
My whole world
Got turned upside
Down had a bad
Car accident
And have been fighting
To come back
Great post
My friend
Congrats
As always Sheldon
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fonzandcancer said:
Then I wrote this for you then Sheldon. You got this man…. You got this…..
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