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Happiness is for everyone else. Not us.
That’s how I was made to feel on hearing the words. It’s true I could had a family young. My choice was to live a life a life that I enjoyed on many occasions of course that life was never completely perfect not until we met each other. We were just pawns living this thing called life. Sure I knew I was blessed with knowing God and all the joy that brings with it. But there is something about having the opportunity of having children. Our own to love and cherish. A chance to bring a child into this world with non of the money worries. In a fairly comfortable way.

We are fortunate in a way that I have stored some swimmers that could potentially give us that opportunity through IVF (Test tube fertilisation) but I don’t know how I feel about that. But it’s our chance to have a miracle. So who knows maybe that’s where our miracle will happen, I don’t know but it’s a bit like the biscuit tin as a child. It’s something I hope for more than ever now.
My friend said this to me this morning
“Take time to relax and come to terms with it, having kids is not everything. You have each other, and some people go through their whole life never experiencing that kind of love, treasure what you have.”
So that’s gonna now be my focus been as no other advice I have to go on, I guess it’s the best advice. You do feel less of a man that’s for sure like your whole meaning of what we are put on this earth to do has been stripped from us because I beat cancer. Well I suppose there has to be a consequence to any action you take in life. It’s just the only option I had was to have chemo to steal a few more years. I am mad to not want to leave a legacy behind. That maybe I live on through my son or daughter. 
I guess this is just another part of cancer, you create your home, make it a home and then hope for the pitter patter of feet in the surroundings you have created. Imagine a Christmas morning with our dog faith, Jenson our cat, Mark Andie and our new miracle with us, crackling of the wood on the fire. The warmth not only from the fire but from our hearts as we experience the journey that is family.

Right now I feel robbed again, but in usual Fonz style, I am gonna believe for the miracle that the little girl got in the film miriacl on 34th Street. If you have not watched the film them please watch it, so you to can realise what our miracle would be.
It’s not the fault of the nurse that gave me the news that my sample had no sperm in it at all. It’s cancers fault of that there is no debate. Cancer has taken this from me and made me infertile. Some may find it funny, but I assure you who read this there is nothing funny about cancer and it’s effects. I will as Johnny says treasure what we do have and move on from this. They did tell me it would be so, otherwise why would they have asked me to store some swimmers. Life that’s what I am gonna focus on, and the brilliance of another day, yes I am sad, yes I am even shedding a tear as I write this blog. 
But I must enjoy what we do have not want what we don’t have, I must have faith that Gods Will Will be done. 

Here’s hoping for our miracle on our street.
Have a great day.


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Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories.

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