If it is to be, it’s up to me!

If it is to be, it’s up to me

Hi Guys, many of you that are faithful readers of all of my posts some 500 in not quite 2 years. Have watched the transformation of my life. My life and all those around me who have been with me on my journey, prayed that I would make it to the other side. So many times on that journey both me and my wife had had to make changes. Life choices to choose life and to really work hard at that just to have a life. Sometimes on that journey I wanted to give in, to throw in the towel to let go and let be. But even that was up to me wasn’t it. It’s up to you to. Throughout my life, and indeed whilst haveing life with cancer and fighting it. I have been met with choices, one of those is to decide that I will not take negative people with me into my future. I want yes people, get up and get done people. People that say do even though they are not feeling able. 

I love people, I love communicating with people, but what I have also found is the key to success. The absolute 100% most definitive way to live life. 

Most recently in fact day’s ago I met someone who was constantly working and working and working with no reward, other people I met due to that chance meeting were also of the same ilk with one common denomination. Being determined to do well for themselves. Nothing wrong with that you think? You know what everything is wrong with that. There is nothing right with that. Nothing right withnthat at all, oh except for that person of course.

I was faced with these 2 options 25 months ago. Live the rest of my life with cancer, or face a 1 in 4 chance of losing my life whilst beating it. Now I can tell you I had faced cancer before, and won. But I did that for me, I still smoked I still drank what I wanted, when I wanted and never even looked at my lifestyle at all. I mean the doctor said there was no indication it was caused by any of these things I did so why stop right? Of course I got cancer again and your reading about it, or have read about it before. Two weeks before I was diagnosed with cancer again I decided I was going to affect the world with positivity. To share with people that they can where they feel they are not able, not knowing I would indeed have to fight again two weeks later. That’s when I opened our cancer stories group to help other people on the planet who face cancer, and may have no where to turn. 

When I was faced with those two options in my life, I set about asking the very most important people in my life what they thought I should choose. My wife, my parents, my closest friends, my brother, sister. All of them thought it was better to fight and that they would be there for me when ever I needed them in my fight. You see that’s it isn’t it, why we do. Don’t we find when we have children (we don’t) that there is a reason to work. That having a dog gives a reason to walk in the rain. Is it not the same in our lives, without any of these insentives? That our lives should be about putting your arm around someone and saying ” you can and I am here for you” is it that that makes our lives worth living. 

The BIBLE (Basic Instruction Before Leaving Earth) Jesus talks about us being brothers and sisters. So helping each other, is that not what we are put on the earth to do. Will there be satisfaction in a job or work we do if it does not involve helping others to achieve. To dedicate your lives to doing just that, helping some one else. Well thats why I started my blog. To help one person everytine I posted. To encourage someone that they can and motivate them to be. You are what ever you say you are, and for sure anyone that says they can’t are actually perfectly right. I can’t argue with that, you say you can’t. Your right. But can’t you see if you take,  the T out of can’t  you CAN.

Adopt the “If it’s to be,it’s up to me” mentality. 


The point of this blog is to help you be a better you, I want to dedicate a part of my life to help you to say that sentence. I am only interested in people that want to put their arms around others and help them forwards though. If you want it for you. It’s best NOT to click the link at the bottom of this blog. But by helping others in turn your life will flourish, even though you did it for other people, you life will be filled with goodness. You doing for you? Or you doing for others. Think of all the successful people that run a business, all of those that I think of that are successful do one thing. They help others.

Have a great day.

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience) 

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 

Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them hereby to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant soumething tou you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.

Copyright © 2017
Learn how to be a healthier you. Lose some weight and help others to be fitter, and earn as you burn and others earn as they burn to. But first ya gotta learn.

https://fonzandcancer.le-vel.com

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Faiths puppy journey.

Faiths Puppy journey.

What does every body think 5 weeks and 1 day in? Although she’s not really showing to me, she’s definitely put on weight. She will be wormed in 2 weeks. From 7 weeks onwards the magic will start to happen. We already have 5 potential homes without to much effort. We are without doubt looking for caring loving homes for these puppies. We are looking for people to accept their puppies on their journey called life.

One sentence that rings true with me is.
A dog is there for part of your life, but you are their whole life. 

Here are some pictures of her in her life with us.

Faith loves a ride out in the TVR.

She didn’t eat the chocolate. Dogs get sick from chocolate.

Looking majestic on our lawn.

Faith captain of the boat.

Faith in my brothers amazing garden

Our dog is fortunate enough to be able to exercise in the garden as well as going for walks. Me and faith have a wonderful connection, she only needs to move in a certain way for me to know she needs some love, a walk, a feed, water, what ever her needs are we just know. But in the same way she knows what I need to, during my cancer journey. She comforts me in times I find hard, she even hugs me. She knows when I need her it’s a true relationship. For me I would rather bring up the pups myself, than to gain financial reward for a precious puppy that our faith has brought into the world. But to know the puppies are going to a safe home is amazing, and also hope that each person who is involved in the pups lives will post their journeys on here so we can see their progress. 
Do you know if I did not have cancer, maybe faith would not be in our lives. Which in turn means that the puppies that are homed would not have had the futures they have. Wonderful this journey we call life isn’t it. Please share – even if you don’t want a puppy maybe you will play your own part in showing the possibility of their lives being enhanced by a wonderful companion like we have in our Faith. 
Just think just by a share you could help change someone’s lives. Have a great day. 
Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience) 

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 

Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them hereby to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant soumething tou you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.

Copyright © 2016

What’s extraordinary anyway.

Tags

can, cant, extraordinary, football, gift, help, hope, life, love, SENSATION, success, yes

What’s extraordinary anyway.

I was reminded on a phone call tonight, something very poinient. Something that all to many people do in their lives that stops them from being successful. I am married to a winner, my marriage is to someone who likes to say Yes. Extraordinary people tend to do one thing that makes them just that. Do you know what that is? They help people. Now I am not talking about helping them to get up a hill when they don’t want to. (Energy is wasted pulling donkeys uphill) You see how can you hold another’s hand unless they reach out theirs. People that hold out their hands are either helping or being helped, and what you do will always remain your choice. How you see yourself is who you will be, and who you won’t be also. 

The people in this world that help others in my mind, are the ones that are extraordinary. They are the people that make things happen, they are the ones on the phone helping others. When I started this blog, I hoped that one person would be encouraged to carry on. That one person would find the strength within them to get back up and move forwards once again. For sure cancer has helped me to mature, it’s helped me to see the world in a perspective that maybe I never asked for. Someone sat in front of me and told me I had cancer, and I chose how to respond to that. Cancer or indeed any battle in life, makes you who you are today. Even the word can’t makes you into something.

Some of my posts are very dark, even life itself seemingly impossible at times. Thoughts of giving up, throwing in the towel and times on my knees with tears rolling down my face. But yet all those times made me into the man I am today, the man that wants to hold out his hand and help others in their very own battles. My heart is to help those that want to help themselves. My heart is to stand with those that want to stand and maybe feel they can’t. It’s not a word I use often but I know others do say it. Which kinda brings me to the end of this very short post.

Those that are extraordinary, always move forwards. They find solutions, where others see problems. They say yes where others say can’t. Because of course you are right, if you say you can’t you can’t. Those that give reasons to do rather than excuses not to help people. Choose to say can’t, you are exactly right.

What will you choose?

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience) 

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 

Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them hereby to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant soumething tou you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.

Copyright © 2016

Trapped.

Trapped.

I know some people may think “oh no not again” but I am sorry. My rule is that one person gets something from what I write. I have had a lot of codine today to get through it, to even do something. Someone said to me today ” most people would have not left the house today, so your way ahead of them”  kind they took the time to say that to me. Even so, I just feel as though my very own body is my prison, a place I take with me where ever I go. Location does not help, pain killers dull it for a period but are for sure no cure. It’s upsetting in life that people don’t, and can’t understand how debilitating pain is. Not even my wife understands, and if you meet someone that does. The pain is still there, it’s starting to wear me down to the point where I would rather be without any pain what so ever. To just leave the world so to speak, the cliff I jump off at the Gower pernicular (Swansea) has my 90’s stereo next to me playing.

Sometimes I just want to take off, say goodbye to what earth has to offer. I do know however that I made some differance with the life I have right now. That I helped some people along the way, but I am not feeling like there is a point to a life of pain. The song says everything I feel in real life. I remember sitting on that cliff some years ago, it was sunny and there were ships in the distance. I think about that day a lot, I thank God even sometimes that I never jumped. That I resisted being so fucking selfish. Oh yes this is honest, because I am high as a kite on codine. Taken just to be able to do something, trapped in a body of pain. Knowing there is nothing anyone can do, so every time I stand up from my seated position and look down (I have vertigo) see the splashing sea. For a moment I have peace as I feel myself in flight towards the rocks below. But then turn and walk the other way. 

It’s funny the view when you have walked 40 metres or so. You just see sea and ships in the distance, and you could almost fly if you wanted to. Whilst my honesty in my blogs others may feel, some people actually frequented nut houses for revealing such thoughts they had. Making a differance in life, it’s gotta be worth it right. Otherwise what’s the point, all I know is I am not able to escape. I know that room was bad, not being able to leave for a few weeks. Having the very drugs that give me my pain I feel today. Well I am sick of it, sick of having to have the pain killers. I want out and I want to stop the feeling of sinking, the feeling of drowning in myself. I am stumbling around in my mind, finding something to rest on all the time, they tell me it’s gonna get worse. That I will be in a wheelchair, that I won’t be able to. 

  https://youtu.be/HwT-NV0hFP0

Well listen to the words of this song if you feel like I do. Your still breathing, and even though I and even you maybe close to the edge. We have the gift of lives, I have learned a lot in the last year or two. But one thing I know is that you and I are connected. We are connected in this web called life, you can choose to be or not to be. Ultimutley whilst we still have a breath to take we can still make a differance. It’s us that chooses to live, and whilst I know it’s on the edge and will be till the last breath I take, I will carry on. I must. Tonight should be my last but I will choose to carry on. Pain or no pain, sometimes I cut myself, and don’t feel a thing. I wonder what fire would be like to walk through, to feel that pain, maybe the pain inside my body would disappear. 

I don’t know if you understand any of what I am saying here, maybe you think I am nuts. (Your right) but one thing I have to do is get up again tomorrow and choose to breath again. Today was a bad day, people did not get me and never had a chance to before the delete button was pressed. That’s another blog. For now I leave you  with this, use your senses to live, use them to appreciate what’s around you, who. To those that I have loved, I remember you. To those I do love, I am doing this for you. Putting my feet forwards because you matter, life’s crazy and can make you that way to. You will never ever be the same again,  these blogs I have written are here for ever. Do something that’s here forever, switch off that television set and find something more interesting to do.

 

Most of my life I have been misunderstood, I have only just really started to not care. What were they doing trying to understand me anyway. 

Keep breathing

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience) 

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 

Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them hereby to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant soumething tou you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.

Copyright © 2016

The walk, that wasn’t a walk walk.

Tags

belief, faith, grace, hope, knowledge, lakes, love, walk, waterfall

The walk, that wasn’t a walk walk. 

In life sometimes we just have to accept who we are, and who we are not. When you have had the battles that cancer fighters have even a small achievement is better than no achievment what so ever. So today my challenge having arrived at 11.29 at a walk that set off at 11-20 was to play catch up. Me and faith were keen, faith (my lab) was excited. She does this whining when she is excited, she jumps up and down, with her tongue out. Even though I sent her on ahead, to follow the trail ( I made her smell the car of one of the walkers) she led the way for me but never let me out of her sight, it was to amount to nothing however. So why am I blogging about this, well it’s because when you are faced with cancer you place goals in your mind. You hope that one day just one day that there may be some level of the normality that once was. I personally hoped to make new friends and to befriend people with new perspectives. You see, when someone (anyone) gets cancer. People show true colours they tend to not understand what you face and that has a result of loneliness. People show you how much you mean to them by the actions they make towards you. The commitment some people show towards you in your time of need is humbling. But there are not many that stay by your side, most don’t understand and leave you to deal with it alone. 

I remember being in that room imagining the very walk I endeavoured to do today, you know uphill with running streams and fallen trees and wildlife although I never envisaged cows. But there were.

I was hopeful I could take some great shots today and make some memories, to get better at using my IPhone whilst enjoying other people’s company.  Now those that know me know I have a lot of pain killers and today I took 90mg of codine to enable me to be able to walk. I had food and water and was prepared for a walk. I was told it was an easy walk and I would have no problem. However the night before my friend (he’s the type of friend that carlsberg would make) if they made friends. He told me it would be to much, the lakes is for seasoned walkers he said. Of course I am a beginner in every sense. As I moved forwards as fast as I could I slipped and fell and hit my head, fortunately I was wearing my trappers hat. I realised right there and then, the condition of my body is such that things like this are beyond me. I sat on a stone and knew that I had higher expectations of myself than were actually possible. It filled me with sadness and I don’t mind saying I even shed a tear as I sat there. Faiths head on my lap, even her eyes said “Dad its to soon” 

It was with regret that I turned around and began to face what I had not allowed myself to do before. Accept I was not able, and whilst I had been wildly eager and went against all the advice of all the people that know and love me. I then had to accept that I needed to do lesser walks. Steep slopes are not within my capabilities, with a lump in my treat I headed home. No phones were in service and hope was gone.

As I walked back I took a couple of pictures to remember where I had been. 

 

Some of you know I love pictures and that they speak to me, this photo speaks of life. That this little river I was stood in was going somewhere else to where the walkers were going. It was somewhere different to where the walkers were going where it flowed to and maybe my path although different. Would still have a meaning somewhere, I didn’t give up I got there, me and faith shared time together and whilst I feel like I have failed in some way, we did get onto the hill. 

So what’s the punch line, well it’s this.

” what ever you think in your mind, where ever that is. Remember that just because it does not end up how you imagined, that does not mean you failed at something. It’s just different. ” our paths even though we choose them, don’t always end up the way we had planned. But what’s important is that we have a goal, and in doing something you will achieve something. I mean this blog for a start, will be written forever and will encourage someone somewhere. That’s because today did not go to what I had planned. So already there is something positive. You just read it.

Have a great day
Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience) 

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 

Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them hereby to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.

Copyright © 2016


Royal Liverpool, bone marrow transplant. (How I coped)

In the space of a 12 hours I have been asked to write about how I felt, what it was like to have a bone marrow transplant. What procedures were like Twice, I guess not from a horror story perspecti…

Source: Royal Liverpool, bone marrow transplant. (How I coped)

My story

Tags

cancer, death, demetia, faith, fumeral, grace, help, hope, life, matters, trump

My names Mark, Fonz to my friends. My story isn’t a A heart wrenching one or anything, it’s just my life. A life I never expected to live. I always had plans to be a dad some day, but with the right girl. The girl that made me quiver, the girl that loved me for me. I was not especially good looking normal I guess, mr average although not in all departments. I always thought I would be a high achiever. Live in an above average house, not that the house was big, just that it would be full of love. One song I can’t forget was ‘feel’ by Robbie Williams. 

I always dreamt of feeling the feeling of love in the home that we live in.  My first marriage was born out of hate, a bomb in Ireland my girlfriend bk than was stood 10 feet from the bomb when it blew. We married and love was born out of a tragic bomb that affects people’s lives today and will forever. Married life failed. Back then I wanted to end the hopes and dreams, I felt as though I should die . Leave you all behind as it were. I decided to travel instead to look for my Mrs right. To have some fun whilst doing it, I drank to forget. When I drank I was numb,numbed by the alcohol. I lived and did things I loved. Went to Sydney on New Year’s Eve, Brisbane at Christmas. Travelled New Zealand. Along the way I turned down life long dreams. Swimming with dolphins, seeing a glacier, many things that I wanted to do with a true love. I did go to an F1 grad prix in Melbourne though and came home soon after. Tears rolled as I flew back to GB.

I moved to Manchester. Where I met some amazing people, but one I met in the most unlikely of places on the most unlikely night. A night out with a friend, a different pub and there she was. Blonde hair, the most amazing smile and sourounded by men. I whispered in her ear ( I will be back when your boy friend is gone) I then flicked her hair into her face.  That was the start of our lives together, the girl I had gone around the world looking for was there. You know, the one that makes your heart melt. The one that’s for you. 

We worked hard, moving into a really little semi detached house after 4 years renting a big terrace. Then losing her mum to cancer so suddenly it shook us both. 4 years later we moved to Preston where we now live. Little did we know what was ahead. 1/4/2011 we moved in June 2011 I was told I would die with out treatment diagnosed with cancer. July I started treatment. They told me I would become infertile so I had to store some boys. Swimmers or sperm to the medical among you. I did, and hoped one day I would be able to use them after the fight to beat cancer. 6 months of treatment, chemo every 2 weeks. We had Christmas together 2011, friends disowned us. Family did not understand. Our fight carried on, until I started to get better, work again, the extension I started when diagnosed was finished. I started to do bits in the garden, help a friend, my energy came back a little and we bought our dog faith. 
Faith was my shadow, a wonderful dog. She still comes with me where ever I go,  and loves her dad like no other. For me she would do anything.

Ah but then I have to say, she licked me on my neck, again and again and barked at me often. She was telling me it’s back, my cancer had come again. A Bone marrow transplant, a tiny room. All the time believing my deposit would be used one day. 18 months ago I had that transplant weak though I still am and not able to work full days, we hoped that IVF would be given to us. My wife was 39 but got to 40 when we had our appointment, we were told we would be able to go ahead to now eventually have a child. A gift from God, although stored by me and saved in the nitrogen bank. 

Then that day, the letter came. No it said, your wife’s to old and you should have tried earlier. You are not able to have children. But not giving up we made an appeal, supported by phycologist doctors and reports. Yet still the answer is no. Is it? 

That’s when we decided to let our beloved faith have pups.

So here we are, that’s where our journey has led us.

Meet our puppies that will get a new home. But also our blonde girl Lilly Hope. Our new blessing.

Rejoice with us.

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Ps, I have committed to doing this for 365 days every morning, what I ask of you is that you share these i make on email, facebook twitter, you can affect people by pressing a button. Please do that. I asked ppl to share yesterday 18/05/2015 at 8pm they did and 100 people saw my blogs in 2 hours. It only takes a click or two.

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience) 

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. I

Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone

 else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.

Copyright ©2017