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anxiety, BTS, cancer, carer, carers, depression, encouragement, health, honest, love, mental health, mind, wellbeing
It’s ok to be not ok
This Turkey holiday has taught me a valuable lesson. One that will change the course of my life for ever. A seemingly throw away statement from a friend to me. Leaning on our balcony having a friendly chat to my dear friend Johnny. It’s the biggest lie we tell and the most often. Why is it that our response to “Are you alright” is “Yea ok thanks”when we are so not. It’s funny because not very long ago I gave an honest answer to my day when he asked if I was ok. We talked about how I was feeling, my dad and Mom (I spell it like that) to.
True friends want to know how you truly feel when they ask that question. Do we not do them an injustice by just saying that your fine when your not? Should we not give them more respect. Should we not say “Actually I am not” to be honest with ourselves aswell as others.
You all know I suffer greatly with nerve pain and find it hard just to communicate sometimes. Pain can be really debilitating and can seriously affect all aspects of life. It’s ok to not be ok, is a new way of thinking for me. Many hours out of a day I am not ok. But yet now I find I am able to deal with it purely by my new way of thinking, compliments to my dear friend that is always so honest with me.
He continued by saying that he accepts me warts and all and does not want to change me. only for me to realise that its ok to Not be ok. Its a revalation to me and will help me mentally in the future. I think there are only a few pwople i can say that i am not ok to and thats ok. Yet oh so many people just think your winging and want you to be positive all the time.
Well i am sorry, its not possible and just to be able to say “actually i am having a bad day” is release in itself, to feel valued enough that your honest with a person is priceless. its nice to ask someone how they are but, the response is of great value also. why cant we just be honest, and say it how it really is. i guess being able to do that means you have a true friend, someone that truly cares. How much balue does that hold for you, or do you actually cover up how you feel and are not even hoest with yourself.
I love to be honest with our Cancer stories group, because we empathise with each other on different levels. That brings me onto tomorrows post which is on the word Empathy. Not everyone can empathise and that to is a special gift. So what will you choose to be next time your asked if your ok? Will you be honest or just cover up as normal. I think being able to be honest with yourself, and with others is a very special way to be.
Do you?
Fonz
http://www.fonzandcancer.com
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Reblogged this on rimaalalamy.
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Yup agre
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It’s hard to be honest sometimes. I try to be honest, and when I ask someone how they’re doing, even if it’s someone I don’t know, I try to be ready for “hanging in there” or “can’t complain”, which usually means there is something the person would like to complain about (in my experience). As for me, here in the States, sometimes “how are you doing?” is another version of “hello.” Sometimes people don’t really want to know how you’re doing.
My husband and I just got back to our house yesterday after having to evacuate from a hurricane. If you had asked me yesterday how I was, and I was being honest, I would have told you that I cried twice, trying to get my cats into their carriers so I could take them home. The stress of the whole thing hit me: not knowing for three days whether we were going to have a home to come back to (we got lucky; this area wasn’t hit as hard as our neighbors 2 or 3 hours to our west). Not knowing how long I was going to have to stay at my brother-in-law’s. (Don’t get me wrong, I love him, and he saved our bacon by him and his partner offering my husband and me – and our cats – a place to stay while Hurricane Michael was doing its thing). But he smokes, and I have dry eyes; he’s got a bunch of dogs (by “a bunch” I mean maybe 24) barking in the garage area – he’s a breeder and dog handler – right next to the laundry room, where we put our cats, and I know the cats are under stress, and they didn’t enjoy a 3-hour car ride anyway…
And my husband, unfortunately, works in solid waste, so they have to work extra hours because people need somewhere to dump their broken tree limbs and such. Thankfully he gets tomorrow off; he had to work today.
So we have seen better days. But we’re all alive, safe and sound, and we were able to evacuate together (I refused to go anywhere without the cats; we have five, and they are our family). Pros and cons. There are always pros and cons.
But even if we have to fudge the truth to others, because we sense they can’t handle the truth (so to speak 🙂 ), we should at least be honest with ourselves. Otherwise, we’re just living in confusion and hurting ourselves in the process.
Thank you for a thoughtful post. Take care.
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Wow I think your answer was longer than the post. But there was quite clearly something you needed to talk about. I am glad you chose here to do that. Talk with me anytime my email is on all my posts. 👍🏼❤️
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Oops – didn’t mean to go on that long! Thanks for being nice about it, and being nice to me. 🙂❤
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I can’t agree more.
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As promised i start reading your blog Fonz, it’s very impressive to me. Sorry for my writing in English but I’m from Holland as you know 🙂
Compliments and I’ll hope you doing well. Greetzzz Tim
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I am so pleased you are reading my blog posts Tim. I hope you find Hope in them. 👍🏼
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