Tags
attitude, awareness, cancer, destiny, encouragement, family, friends, GOD, health, hope, strength, struggle, tvr, weakness
Strange start to a blog you may think. Well there is quite a story to it. When I was having my Bone marrow transplant in hospital, I could see the sea; from the big window I was able to see the city and New Brighton beach, where we went today. I even saw the ships that met up at the Mersey from my window. It looked out to New Brighton. A place I had never been or wanted to go to, until the time spent in that room. Me and my wife had to drive to Liverpool many many times and there were until today a lot of bad memories associated with the journey to Liverpool from where we live, and even shed a tear most times we had to take the drive. I wanted to erase the memories somehow so sometime ago me and my wife visited New Brighton, and while it was lovely to go with my wife and dogs, it never erased the memories because I did not have anything different to look at outside the car. So I came up with a plan and called it (in my mind) “The Erase Run”.
My plan was to erase the bad memories by making new ones. Knowing I had been in some very dark places, and that so much of the journey to New Brighton would be so symbolic of the whole journey.
Nearly 10 years ago we went to a TVR meet in Wrightington and sat next to some lovely people. They said they looked forward to meeting me again when I had finished my treatment. Little did I know that that day was today! Nearly 10 years later or maybe a bit less, that we were to meet again.
The “White elephant”; there has to be a blog written about that car in the future, by me that is. What a car! That was the car the couple were working to bring back to life. Hearing that car in the Wallasey tunnel was memorable and then later Mr H’s T 350 Banging and popping in the tunnel. I wonder what it looked like behind with those 4 cars flanking the tunnel.
As we drove the roads became driven on less frequently and the memories of the many trips up that road to the Royal Liverpool started to come back. I even shed a tear as we turned off the main road where I would normally continue to the hospital but veered off to the tunnel turn off. Every mile we were making new memories in the tapestry of life and I felt the bad memories were being over written by new LOUD ones. I am obsessed with V8 engines; something you can’t get from all car followings.
My passion for big engines, goes back a long way. Even as a young man I saw a car the same as mine go past on the motorway and remember it as though it was yesterday; igniting my passion for TVRs. We all have a passion and TVRs are mine. Well actually more than that, the sound of a big V8 I find unrivalled
We drove through to the sea and after a great breakfast in Costa Coffee, Howie was insistent we go and see the sea. The cranes I saw from my window were there, yet I felt the whole morning had just removed some pretty horrible memories and overwritten them with new ones. It’s funny because it was a different perspective completely. I could see where we walk the dogs. Crosby where the iron men are, even the tip as Formby starts where we have been so often. It really does depend on the angle you look at things as to how you see things and while I have never been able to remove the bad memories and have had so many nightmares about the whole process, I really do feel it’s now time to move away. Walk away and roar away from the whole thing. But is it? Has not the whole process made me who I am today?
The point of this blog, is I decided to have treatment; to make myself better and that choice has encouraged and helped people all over the world. Although the memories hurt, if I had not made that decision to get well, then and only then could that investment of time and healing and pain bring me to the day I had today. No way would today have meant so much if I had just chosen not to get the life saving treatment that I chose.
Trust me it’s far better to choose to help yourself, than to be the same today as you were last week. Only you can make the choice to be a better you and while it’s 5 years on since that treatment was given to me, it’s still affected me and others due to that decision. Not every decision you make will be painless and for sure there has been hurt, pain, anxiety and pure dogged determination. Whilst I still don’t know who I want to be, I do know I want to help people in their lives moving forwards.
You have the power to bless people, and all you have to do is to take a step forwards. Believe you will improve and be a better you than you were!
You are more than what you have become! Keep moving forwards; you never know who you will bless and who you will help in your life if you choose to make a better you. Of course with Gods help we can affect peoples lives with the love that comes only from our Father.
You have your destiny in your hands, you have the ability to bless people and you have an opportunity to do that every day.
Be a blessing!
Will you? Because if you choose to be the better you you can always make new memories in the future. its in your hands. But i hope you choose the pain if you come out the other side of that tunnel a better person. No one said it will be easy. To be honest the saying “No pain no gain” is so true. bless you each and every one for being there in the tunnel and remember there will always be light if you keep on going.
Fonz
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fonzandcancer blogging to encourage. 