The best you, there is.

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Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Carling cup final, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Super Bowl 50, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 13 Comments

Thank you cancer

27 Tuesday Jun 2017

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Carling cup final, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Gig, London, Love, Oppertunity, Relationships, Suicide

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

bone, cancer, desire, encouragement, faith, family, friends, given, health, help, hope, hospital, love, loved, survivor, transplant, Writing

Thank you cancer.
Why not? I mean cancer has for sure helped me to see a world in a different way. I hope I can explain it well enough for you, that maybe you can see the world differently to just by reading this blog.
In my world only my loving wife and my mom and dad truly know what life’s like for me. I am fortunate to be a prayed for man, which humbles me greatly that people take the time to pray. As I wrote that I phoned one of my dads friends who is in a nursing home who prays for me to thank him. People are so nice aren’t they. So on with this post.
If you suffer with pain or know someone that does or side effects from treatment this is for them, I just hope you can share it with them if you think it will help.
You see when you have pain, a useless one like nerve damage. It’s not something that can be changed, it most certainly will not go away by complaining about it or worrying about it. However there are things we can do, things that make life less painful even though the pain still exsists. I get told many times how wonderfully I have done, and can only thank God for the strength I have been given to carry on and the friends he has put my way. There are many things and words that can help us in life you know, just by putting a positive word into Google, or on my blog you will find something that will take your mind away from the pain you feel. So let’s take a word any word, an ordinary one and let’s see if we can help ourselves with one word.
BEE

So firstly from my own mind, what does the word Bee mean to me, well until just recently it could be an insect that stings and then dies needlessly. Pointlessly you may think. That could be the end, could it not? Or we could look at what a bee has it’s sting for that it protects its colony from predictors, that it makes Honey that’s used in so many different ways. In fact we find that some bees have heeling properties in their Honesy such as Manuka from New Zealand. We can take a photo of it and look at how amazing it is how it collects pollen, and by doing so pollinates other plants and even helps them to produce fruit. In fact without the bee, there would be no fruit at all on some trees. We can see the beauty that there is in what the bee does and how it looks all the time whilst doing this one thing, the pain we have feels less. Because we have looked at something in a different way. We have given ourselves a new perspective at that moment therefore helping our mental health and feeling less of the bad things for a short while.
Of course the Bee symbolises so much more now, being a symbol of anti terrorism for Manchester and a sign that we stand together against it.
Our two Labradors are amazing, they change how I feel and for sure help me with my own pain levels to. When I concentrate on them rather than the pain, it’s like I have gone through a period where I forgot I was in pain. Speaking of positive things, and doing positive actions make a differance in life, not only for the person that suffers but for the person that supports a person that suffers.
How you perceive something changes your whole life.
Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
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Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
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Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone
else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.

You could change a life by sharing this post! Will you?
Copyright ©2017

I know what it’s like to eat salty bacon with tears.

26 Monday Jun 2017

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Carling cup final, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Gig, Holiday, Hope, London, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Puppies, Relationships, Suicide, Super Bowl 50, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 5 Comments

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awareness, bone, cancer, faith, Families, friends, Hodgkins, hope, life, love, partner, Peace, strength, survivor, transplant, weakness

I know what it’s like to eat salty bacon with tears.

I don’t know how many of you have just watched “Growing up with cancer” but I just did. Children that had the cancer i did, children that had to grow up with cancer and face things no child should. Well it took me back once again to that room where I had my stem cell transplant. Kids are so resilient aren’t they, accepting of their situation and able to rationalise things and adapt. They seem to be able to deal with things quickly and efficiently.

There was a young lad in the wards that became depressed and lost his appetite. He was unable to eat due to how he felt, he was angry and upset although he was uncertain of why he was so unhappy. Being depressed he was certain of. I know I was low and forced my family away from me, which is actually why I am writing this very post. The family that wanted to be close to me I pushed away. I did not allow them on the ward even though they could have really. I was so hung up on the word. Isolation.

I wanted to give myself the best chance at beating cancer and living longer by not being around any germs what so ever. Well I want to put that right right now. Today should my wife’s dad be alive he would be 74. But cancer took him aged 59. I never knew him. But it’s made me realise I was wrong to be that way, that I should apologise to my family and say Sorry. Sorry for keeping you at arms length, and ask that you all forgive me.

Whilst in that room the chemo they give you, is so horrendous that you get hundreds of ulcers all the way through your body. They tell you that you are unable to eat, and that you would be better to have a nose tube to be fed through, and that exercise would be impossible.

What I did in there I did for my family, I did what I thought I could to come through. I did press ups on the visiting chair that my wife used sometimes. I walked from the bed to the ensuite which was about 5 steps and back whilst having chemo moving all of the time and eating my breakfast not once but twice everyday. Sounds greedy right? Wrong. I would say eating bacon with ulcers in your mouth throat, intestines, all the way through to your bowl is not easy. You cry whilst eating making the bacon taste saltier. But every bite hurts like hell as it goes through your body making you not want to eat. Without doubt the easiest thing to do is to not eat, to choose nothing off the menu to sleep all day and not excercise. To give up.

All I did in there I did for my family, and want to say sorry for not doing the things you wanted me to. It was wrong of me.

To anyone that’s facing cancer or supporting anyone with cancer. What seems normal in life without cancer is most certainly not normal in a life during cancer.

But I leave you with this, to do something is better than doing nothing, even if at the time it may seem like the wrong thing to do, it’s still better to do.
Fonz

Follow me on Twitter

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Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

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Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

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Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone

else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
You could change a life by sharing this post! Will you?

Family

24 Saturday Jun 2017

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Tags

age, banned, Bellamy, Christian, Compassion, Families, foundations, gift, Goodness, hope, longevity, Lord'sPrayer, love, Monkey, motivation, Paddington, passion, Presence, strength, unite, unity, weakness, yin

Family

Family does not have to be a place, it’s not something you get. Family is something you give, for many years I have missed the point till right now. No one owes me anything, no family member owes me. People that truly love don’t do it because they are a part of a family. They do it because they want to give NOT receive.. I personally know what it’s like to love someone, loving someone means you never remember what they owe you because they owe you nothing. If you think a friend owes you, then they are no friend. If you scroll through your phone and a person has not called you, that’s when you have to question if the traffic is one way.

I have this saying, that. If someone really wants to see you they will. It’s not your fault someone does not include you it’s their choice. One thing I have learnt of late is this one thing.

I have just bred a litter of pups, and at 16 weeks old our pup has just spent a week with her sister. They both have different personalities and the only time they truly love each other’s company is when they accept each other, warts n all.

Having dogs has also helped me to realise what true love is, and it most certainly is not what the dog can get from the other. It’s only when a dog accepts how another dog is and does not count the cost tat the love really starts..

we could learn a lot from dogs, but if nothing else what we should learn is. If someone has their hand out, the person they love is themselves. If the have their hand out yo help you up, their friendship is not just an action it’s a feeling. People love to receive or they give because they wanna give. What you have in your hand is nothing to what is given from your heart. Jesus paid the ultimate price to show us what love meant. Unserstand that, and you will have life.

enjoy your life with your hand out to help someone up, rather that a hand out to receive is when you will feel the true freedom of life.

Fonz

Mr Nasty.

08 Monday May 2017

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Carling cup final, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Gig, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Puppies, Relationships, Suicide, Super Bowl 50, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

belief, home, hope, hospital, love, lover, marriage, perseverance, together, university, win

MR NASTY.

It’s been a while, whist finishing all my projects someone I met who called round a couple of times. Said “finish one thing before you start another.” As I looked around I realised how much there actually was unfinished at our house. But is that the right way to look at stuff. I mean there is so so much we have done in our home to. Let’s start a list.

Let’s call it inside out.

Tiled the whole of downstairs,

Decorated throughout,

Ripped out double doors and made it a through diner,

Built an extension with vaulted roof.

Log fire fitted

Oak floor,

Conservatory built,

Indian stone placed around 360 degrees of the house.

Garage floor fitted,

Drains fitted

Stream fitted with fish and pump and furniture,

Rear garden created with shrubs and plants,

Side garden obtained and planted,

Seating area created,

Orchard started,

Front area planted,

Rear chill out shed next to the stream created,

Log store built in side garden to serve log burner,
Also dream car maintained to a great level.

Oh and all whilst beating cancer, twice. Don’t know if I mentioned that.

There is a way to fail, but you have to believe that to. Only people that believe they will win, will. You see while we can believe we will fail, we can also believe we will win. People can see what’s not done, or see what’s been done. Yes there are some small piles of bricks, yes I have stuff that’s not moved yet. But there is also a porch that’s not built yet, and a stream that needs finishing (Well building) in the back garden. The roof and rear door needs fitting to the garage and a wall building. But I think it’s best to look at what we have achieved while we could have just let the walls cave in.

My point is, your words can have a devastating effect on people’s lives. But it can be devastatingly positive, or negative. The word devastating can also be positive but then you knew that right? Have you ever seen someone who’s devastatingly beautiful. I don’t mind telly you I have. That lady stole my heart so many years ago and she is the reason I live today, she is the reason all of what I have spoken about has been created. Her devastating beauty stole me from me. But hey I needed stealing and if I were to start over it would be with you Andie.

Thank you for all you have done, and all you will do. I ask also that you would forgive my failing as I am not perfect. But one thing is for sure you are perfect for me. Every brick I move I move for you.

Forever yours

Fonz

Follow me on Twitter

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Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

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Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone

else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
You could change a life by sharing this post! Will you?

Who you are.

09 Thursday Mar 2017

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

facebook, faith, family, happy, hope, instagram, Puppies, religion, tmbrir, twitter

Who you are.

Isn’t this what matters, who we are. In my life I have heard people tell what I am not rather than hearing the good that I am. It’s been tiring to change from what I have been taught, to what I believe now. But it’s true of society as a whole that people seem to focus on what we should be and not what we have chosen to be. Society wants to put us in boxes and have us stay there and be quiet. While acceptance for who someone is, most certainly something I have had to learn. Although I must have just accepted people for who they were as a child. We are taught not to accept certain people arnt we. We are taught that some ways are not the right ways and others are.

Who are we anyway, that gives us the right to judge another. Should we not just be happy to accept another’s point of view and not change it. Should we not lead by example. Jesus said ” suffer the little children that come into me ” as children we are not consumed by any of the world. Time is all children crave, they only want things because of adverts they may see.

A man should be strong and not cry says society. Yet I find the tender touch of a man is so much more appealing than a man that is arrogant and boistrois. Maybe that’s because I am boistrois myself. We have puppies here at the moment, and those puppies are showing me who I am rather than what I am not. They trust me, because the do not know anything other than love and tenderness that’s been shown to them. Their lives and what I show them in it will have an effect on them forever. These little guys just trust and love completely. How special that is, to love someone and not expect anything in return. That’s who I am, a man that gives not expecting to receive. I accept people, and dislike people that can’t accept who I am.

Acceptance is something we have to relearn, after a TV and society has untaught our innocence.

There is nothing weak about showing others love and compassion. In fact I would say it’s a quality, how others respond is up to them. For me life is about paying it forwards no matter how it’s received. How someone chooses to be we should I suppose just accept even if it’s not the way we would be ourselves.

Me I am sensitive, I cry. I can tenderly touch a new born puppy and look in the mirror and like who I am. I can be who I am, and be happy with that.

Can you?

Have a great day

Fonz

Follow me on Twitter

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Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

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Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone

else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
You could change a life by sharing this post! Will you?

Relativity

26 Sunday Feb 2017

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Tags

belief, depression, faith, hope, manchester, relavant, relavency, survival, united

Relativity

So is it possible, to change how we feel inside. Is not how we feel relative to our souroundings, is not how we respond relative to what we think and say things will be. Today I want to help you. Someone said to me the other day, that our family has mental health issues. I laughed inside, because I realised at that moment that the persons point of view was indeed right. That her family did have mental health issues, but then as I thought on the sentence and considered it. I realised that the sentence was relative to that persons experience and it was up to me to accept it as relavance in my life or to change what is relavant to us in our lives.

How many times have you said “oh no not such and such again” or “we have to go again” things we do and say in our lives are relative to our surroundings. So whose responsible for these surroundings, the people that suggest the relevancy in our lives. The throw away sentence of “there is mental health in our family” was a statement believed by that person. See my relavancy is this. We have strong people in our family. The two refer to the same thing, but we are taking from it what we deem to be relavant in our own lives. WE (Me and my wife) do our best to turn seemingly negative situations around. That’s why I write. One song we listen to a lot is

We listened to it a lot when I was having treatment, and we still desire to have the relavance of faith in our lives. I tell my wife often how much I appreciate her, and that there is power in we. I personally believe that forgiveness is one of the most poswerful tools in the world and without it people can’t move on. It’s not possible to find a relavancy that’s stronger than the negativity that surrounds other sentences feeling s and actions. People have said to me “I am depressed” “there is depression in our family” well your right. Because that’s the relavancy you have chosen to adopt in your life. I prefer “We are surounded by fighters”

Who you are in life depends on your own personal relavancy to situations, you choose to include in your life what ever you believe to be relative to you. One thing I do know and that is I prefer things and people that smile and speak positively. I find people like that relative to how I want to live my life. Now that’s not to say that your not supposed to feel grief, that your not supposed to get sad. Of course you are, again that’s relative to your own situation. If you have just watched someone fight cancer and die, your relavancy would be different to someone that had gotten a disease and chosen to give up to it and die. Trust me the two are the same in that they both involve the person dying. But the relavancy in the two situations are very different.

LIFE in most situations is up to us, but the relavancy we choose is for sure 100% up to us. What we choose to be relavant to is in a situation is for sure our choice. What others say is their choice.

My challenge to you is this, can you find relavancy in your situation that helps you today?

I hope you do.

Fonz

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Ps, I have committed to doing this for 365 days every morning, what I ask of you is that you share these blogs I make on email, facebook twitter, you can affect people by pressing a button. Please do that. I asked ppl to share yesterday 18/05/2015 at 8pm they did and 100 people saw my blogs in 2 hours. It only takes a click or two.

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. I

Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone

else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.

Are you afraid to die?

25 Saturday Feb 2017

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

britishgas, cancer, chronic, efl, energy, hacksaw, pain, survived

Are you afraid to die?

Well asking myself that question, I was but not now. You see my first post in this blog was “I am Mark a cancer fighter, and I WILL win” many have forgotten that was said. One thing I know is that we ALL WILL die. Now for me personally, having been hit with that 500lb yellow fin Tuna right in the face. Yea I have heard it, and then fought it and won. Now whilst that was the toughest time of our lives together. I can tell you now, that people that remind me of the bad parts of me. Well, they just don’t get my time now, those people that don’t like me for me. God loves me just the way I am, but to much to let me stay that way.

You can be if you say you are. It’s been said by me. “You want to know the substance of man, look at his friends” I am a fortunate man, that I have friends that are the family I choose. People that care about me and us, people that love us. People that focus on what they can do with us, rather than find fault in us. For is it not true that “All have fallen short of the Glory of God.” Without exception.

This is one of my favourite tunes, and while we don’t know where our world or steps will take us. One thing is certain. That is that from having our first breath means that we will breath our last. As I sat with my wife tonight watching the film ‘miracle’ we were holding hands and I looked around and thanked God for the miracle of life. For sustaining my life and for what he has given me, not what we are left without. Yesterday I spoke how we turned an IVF decision into a positive, and whilst we may never have children because of someone’s power. We will always have today, each other and all we have achieved together.

It is for sure better to do something than to do nothing. Yes of course it’s also true that if someone says ‘no pain no gain’ then they do not know chronic pain. We have and have not. There are reactions and reactions. All the ones you choose are yours, and are so powerful the choices and actions and no actions we choose in our lives will have a consequence or an impact in this world we live in. That’s why your reading this, because if you did not you would not know what’s written here. You did read this, which will cause your next reaction. Your more amazing than you will ever know, and you will have an impact on the world if you allow it.

That’s up to you isn’t it.

Fonz

Follow me on Twitter

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Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

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Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.

Fighting for love, means it’s not love.

15 Wednesday Feb 2017

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Carling cup final, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Gig, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 1 Comment

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faith, greatness, help, hope, joy, life, love, passion

It’s funny how a memory can trigger so much of your past. How people act or even a film! We don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day, but we do love each day together, now don’t think we have the perfect Hollywood relation. What we do have is something that many people never find in life.
My mum and dads look at each other is Valentine’s Day every day for them. Then I think of the sand storms , the snow, the rain, the potholes in the road we have faced and then remember my wife. I say in my mind ” thank you father ” you allowed this part of my life. Some people have stopped visiting, but they dont love us less. They just have a life to live to.

Love you guys

Fonz

Follow me on Twitter

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Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

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Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them hereby to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.

My TVR and me.

11 Saturday Feb 2017

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Tags

brain, classic, health, nerve, neuropathic, nootropics, pain, tvr, wealth

MY TVR AND ME.

When I bought my TVR, was when someone said I may have cancer and that my life would be compromised because of if. I laugh because I felt fine, no pain what so ever. Just this growing lump in my neck that had gone misdiagnosed for so long. When I first drove my new car and went over the first bump. I realised it was going to need some work, rear shocks were desperately needed and many other jobs were required also. Little did I realise that me and Trev. I call him that because Trevor was the guy that invented TVR. Every car is different, not one curve is the same. There are even some funny stories about how the Chimaea shape, mine became the shape it was. It’s reported that whilst in clay, being shaped by the designer who had his dog with him one day took a chunk out of the bumper next to the indicator. That’s why all Chimareas have two curves next to the indicators. Which are themselves from a Sherman tank.

I didn’t realise just how similar our journeys were going to be, mine and Trevor’s. Whilst in hospital having my transplant, my friend took the interior out for me and another friend took the interior and sprayed it. Bringing it back to new. This happened whilst I was undergoing my transplant.

I looked like this.

And Trevor looked like this.

At the same time we were both getting a new beginning, becoming renewed. The only difference between me and the people working on my car. Was that I had a chance of not making it, I know I did and am also getting stronger even though pain is so hard to deal with. I am here to write these blogs. I was encouraged today by another TVR owner that my posts to my blog were inspiring. It gave me a sense of achievement that because of cancer I owned a TVR and because of that connection she got to read my blog. It’s kinda time to thank cancer again isn’t it. Cancer maybe cruel and things may perish and need repair. But we are far more fragile than any piece of machinery. Whilst we are living longer and medicine is helping to sustain life. Machines are able to be fixed forever should the owner wish for that to happen.

Everything I put on my car is the best, Bilstien shocks. Updated engine, powder coated struts. It’s all been done right, of course at a cost. But no cost is greater than to put your life on the line is it. Unless you have a passion for something, even if that’s your faith. You will not understand what I am saying. Your are delicate, controlled by a few degrees in temperature higher or lower than should be, your life will cease. It’s the same with my car, except my car is nuts and bolts to most. To me my car is so much more.

You see, a brain is only able to do so much at the same time. Whilst a person is being distracted, a person does not feel the pain. Oh it’s there alright, but your brain is distracted from it. Yesterday I managed to make it to pain clinic, someone had brought in his Samsung VR. You have seen the advert that the Dad records the concert so his daughter can see what he saw. People that used the VR whilst using it were distracted from their pain. It was still there but the brain was not sending the signal, because to many other things were going on that the brain was otherwise engage. That’s what my TVR does for me, it distracts me from the real world. The world and its treatments have damaged me forever. But driving my car helps me to be distracted from what I am feeling inside. If I try to remember how much pain I was in when driving and I can never remember any at all. Of course I am not saying everyone needs to go out and buy a TVR, or VR system to enable a pain free period. But what I am saying is that, a distraction can help . Only you know what you love, only you know what’s great for you. But what ever you do, make sure you do something that distracts you from the real world. Here are some pics of what my car looks like now and how I look today.

And me.

I guess it’s up to us to do again, or do nothing. For sure when we do nothing it will be more painful, because our brains are not stimulated. So there you go my blog inspired by a TVR called Kate, one called Trevor. Not forgetting Julie.

Let me know if you got something out of this blog.

Fonz

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To love another, is truly a gift.

09 Thursday Feb 2017

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Tags

faith, faithful, gift, GOD, happiness, honour, hope, love, nelief, others

To love another, is truly a gift.

So tonight, I watched a Facebook live that I was supposed to watch. I listened as the person spoke how they together had done, achievements together and fulfilled dreams together. I heard how two people worked together to achieve a goal, a common goal. A goal they both agreed on, overcoming what ever they faced by working together..

As I thought tonight about what’s important in life, my need to contribute in our family as we draw to the end of making our house a home. To contribute in other ways, more financially maybe. But most certainly whilst these thoughts went though my mind, I realised the one thing that I was greatful for. Thankful to God for apart from life itself, was that I had been given the gift of love from another. We are approaching our 14th year together, I love my wife more today than ever I did, although on times you would not think it.

Who ever you are, what ever the choices you have made. If you have loved and lost, you had a gift. Your friends, the people that have or indeed still do care about you are a gift. God has given you gifts, yet you don’t see them anymore because of what you are going through. Well I want to encourage you, no matter what you face, and I know what it’s like to look in my wife’s eyes and hold her hand and cry a tear as I fight cancer, and she fights with me. The love of another is a gift, you can choose to cherish that. Or you can choose to let the circumstances get in the way of that. Oh God forgive me for forgetting that sometimes, forgive me for forgetting the moments we stood together no matter what.

That it’s not about what we have, but that we do it together. It’s not whose name is on the pay cheque or who did what, but that we did it together. So tonight I find myself in a grateful position, grateful once again that there is a we. That the gift I asked God for is right there in the people that love me. That when you move forwards that you only need to look down or to the side to see who’s holding your hand or standing with you.

Don’t let your circumstances be an excuse not to, let your circumstances give you a reason to do. We all have circumstances, we all have gifts also.choose to walk with those that are with you. Don’t be dragged down by the weight of your circumstance.

You matter

Fonz

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My story

06 Friday Jan 2017

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

cancer, death, demetia, faith, fumeral, grace, help, hope, life, matters, trump

My names Mark, Fonz to my friends. My story isn’t a A heart wrenching one or anything, it’s just my life. A life I never expected to live. I always had plans to be a dad some day, but with the right girl. The girl that made me quiver, the girl that loved me for me. I was not especially good looking normal I guess, mr average although not in all departments. I always thought I would be a high achiever. Live in an above average house, not that the house was big, just that it would be full of love. One song I can’t forget was ‘feel’ by Robbie Williams.

I always dreamt of feeling the feeling of love in the home that we live in. My first marriage was born out of hate, a bomb in Ireland my girlfriend bk than was stood 10 feet from the bomb when it blew. We married and love was born out of a tragic bomb that affects people’s lives today and will forever. Married life failed. Back then I wanted to end the hopes and dreams, I felt as though I should die . Leave you all behind as it were. I decided to travel instead to look for my Mrs right. To have some fun whilst doing it, I drank to forget. When I drank I was numb,numbed by the alcohol. I lived and did things I loved. Went to Sydney on New Year’s Eve, Brisbane at Christmas. Travelled New Zealand. Along the way I turned down life long dreams. Swimming with dolphins, seeing a glacier, many things that I wanted to do with a true love. I did go to an F1 grad prix in Melbourne though and came home soon after. Tears rolled as I flew back to GB.

I moved to Manchester. Where I met some amazing people, but one I met in the most unlikely of places on the most unlikely night. A night out with a friend, a different pub and there she was. Blonde hair, the most amazing smile and sourounded by men. I whispered in her ear ( I will be back when your boy friend is gone) I then flicked her hair into her face. That was the start of our lives together, the girl I had gone around the world looking for was there. You know, the one that makes your heart melt. The one that’s for you.

We worked hard, moving into a really little semi detached house after 4 years renting a big terrace. Then losing her mum to cancer so suddenly it shook us both. 4 years later we moved to Preston where we now live. Little did we know what was ahead. 1/4/2011 we moved in June 2011 I was told I would die with out treatment diagnosed with cancer. July I started treatment. They told me I would become infertile so I had to store some boys. Swimmers or sperm to the medical among you. I did, and hoped one day I would be able to use them after the fight to beat cancer. 6 months of treatment, chemo every 2 weeks. We had Christmas together 2011, friends disowned us. Family did not understand. Our fight carried on, until I started to get better, work again, the extension I started when diagnosed was finished. I started to do bits in the garden, help a friend, my energy came back a little and we bought our dog faith.
Faith was my shadow, a wonderful dog. She still comes with me where ever I go, and loves her dad like no other. For me she would do anything.

Ah but then I have to say, she licked me on my neck, again and again and barked at me often. She was telling me it’s back, my cancer had come again. A Bone marrow transplant, a tiny room. All the time believing my deposit would be used one day. 18 months ago I had that transplant weak though I still am and not able to work full days, we hoped that IVF would be given to us. My wife was 39 but got to 40 when we had our appointment, we were told we would be able to go ahead to now eventually have a child. A gift from God, although stored by me and saved in the nitrogen bank.

Then that day, the letter came. No it said, your wife’s to old and you should have tried earlier. You are not able to have children. But not giving up we made an appeal, supported by phycologist doctors and reports. Yet still the answer is no. Is it?

That’s when we decided to let our beloved faith have pups.

So here we are, that’s where our journey has led us.

Meet our puppies that will get a new home. But also our blonde girl Lilly Hope. Our new blessing.

Rejoice with us.

Fonz

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Ps, I have committed to doing this for 365 days every morning, what I ask of you is that you share these i make on email, facebook twitter, you can affect people by pressing a button. Please do that. I asked ppl to share yesterday 18/05/2015 at 8pm they did and 100 people saw my blogs in 2 hours. It only takes a click or two.

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. I

Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone

else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.

Pain, and Christmas.

24 Saturday Dec 2016

≈ 10 Comments

Tags

cancer, christians, Christmas, Eve, faith, help, holidays, hope, love, pain

Pain, and Christmas

I guess this should be a merry Christmas post, or happy something or other if your religion is that of those that consider Christianity and Christmas non exsistant or offensive. Good news it’s not, it’s about pain. It’s about the people that never asked for pain, they never did a stunt and broke a leg, or tried to commit suicide. Although some have, but that’s another blog. This is about people that are not able to escape from their demon PAIN!

Pain really screws up your day, makes things that seem simple to others impossible once it takes hold. You do your best to be as normal as possible. Yet no matter what you do outwardly it never disappears. Only those that know pain know what I mean. You wake up with it and go to bed with it. It never dissapears. It’s not like a pin prick, or a broken limb, it chips away at you never ever resting. Until you have had enough and it does not matter that it’s the time of year, or the love you are supposed to feel. It’s just about doing the best you can. You smile so others feel good. I mean, no one is ever interested in what’s going on with you really are they “Snap out of it” “smile ” they say.

Well I just want to say, sometimes words that I never normally want to say. F…K Y.U have a little understanding by putting yourself where they are. But you can’t can you? because you don’t understand. Please don’t glance over what a pain suffer feels, what we feel is as important as a child. Only we don’t get to take our pain away for the evening, to have a meal without it. We just have it, and nothing we do will enable us to escape. We are trapped by a consuming fire, chemo can cause permanent damage. I have that, it grinds you down and you feel useless, and extremely worthless. Yea some people say ” great life you don’t have to work ” I laugh. Because I do work in lots of ways. Just do no matter what is my advice. But above all else, be honest. If the person speaks about themselves in response. Well you know, and I know they are trying to understand. It’s not their fault really. Give those that don’t understand a prayer this Christmas. Of course pray for al, those in pain this Christmas, they really do matter.

Bless you all

Fonz

Merry Christmas

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Accept who you are not what you were.

14 Tuesday Jun 2016

Tags

belief, chemotheropy, depression, google, hate, hope, love, mistake, prison, yourself, youtube

U can be who you want to be, that’s what I tell my wife. Some words I may have said before but I know that what I write now will help someone today or sometime in the future. I have not been here for a while, I apologise. I have been helping my good friend to errect my conservatory. I have spoken before in my last post about impossible, that the only part of impossible that stops it big possible is the I’m in the word. Is not the only person that matters holding your past against you. Is, erm you? Is it not you that’s giving you a hard time maybe feeling guilty for your past, something you did or did not do? One thing I do know is that what someone else’s opinion is is both nothing to do with you, and nothing to do with them. Let go what someone else thinks about you, what you are is in your hands and your past does NOT define your future.

Your future starts in the next hour, the next afternoon. But always today, your future does not start tomorrow. You are the one that chooses who you are. You also chose what you were, but that’s not a part of your future , only if you want it to be. Your past is in your hands, it’s up to you yo hold on to it or let it go. It’s up to you to let your past mood you and benifit your future. No one is to blame for your future, only you. Don’t start yo tell me yes but such and such and this and that, you choose what happens next. You really do, don’t be a head hanger. Hold your head up high and keep moving forwards, keep believing in yourself and keep doing.

Believe me I could show you pictures of me that say I want to give up, I could tell you stories of how cancer has made me want to check out, how I have thought badly of myself because of who I was and what I did. Trouble with that is that people will believe what ever it is you believe of yourself and there are plenty of people willing to be negative about you out there so why actually be one yourself. Be good to you, say good things about you. Above all do good to others every day of your life, that’s really important. Use your life, don’t regret your life.

Fonz

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≈ 14 Comments

A death sentence.

08 Wednesday Jun 2016

Tags

blog, books, c, cancer, chemotheropy, health, hope, Laughter, love, me, post, radiotheropy

Is that that what cancer is? A death sentence we didn’t choose? A journey we didn’t choose. A part of our life we never even thought would be part of our lives. Before you read this blog I want you to know, that people that face cancer in what ever form be it as a patient, partner, family, carer, or friend. I want you to know these people are amongst the most courageous in the world. All cancers are different and how ever we decide to deal with it rest assured the journey is one through Hell.

Today I found myself in the presence of someone amazing, someone who has fought the fight like I have and are. He is an inspiration and a seriously generous person with his time. Today I left hospital one year ago, the same hospital the man I speak of left 2 years ago after his bone marrow transplant. Yet we find ourselves together errecting a conservatory. Part of that day involved standing on a trellis on tip toes for a while with my arms in the air holding the cross beam in place. It was 10 mins before my next pain killers. What you don’t know is walking is tough, never mind standings or a period of time. The pain as I stood began yo surpass the pain that was normal and bearable, and I found myself feeling so very sore and horrific pain in my legs.

There I was with my friend who I knew was one of the few people on the earth that understood my pain, one of the few people that understood what I felt inside. Understood the actual pain I felt. Here tonight remembering what’s happened today and what we have achieved. I don’t feel sorry I cried, I feel amazed I have a brother who knows and understands what I face and what I have been through and what appreciation I have for life. Holding that bar up feeling the pain I felt made me cry, it made me feel useless whilst being useful. We did something today that was hard to do. Maybe some would see as impossible. For me and my friend we believe in the impossible made possible.

Sometimes the only thing standing in the way is ourselves, and maybe we just need to fight through the pain and get to the otherside. The side where there are people that have life because they fought, people that have overcome grief in loving the very people that do have life and are living today.

Maybe you feel today is impossible, well let me tell you that it’s amazing what you can achieve if you keep on keeping on. Did you know impossible means the opposite to what you think. See you are possible, it’s just the I’m in the way of possible isn’t it. Try and find something you enjoy in this life, it’s there if you look for it. I know one thing .

I have gained many friends through cancer. Keep on keeping on your one of lives courageous people and you CAN.

Fonz

≈ 15 Comments

Sunshine and Bees.

01 Wednesday Jun 2016

Tags

business, cancer, chemotheropy, desease, garage, hope, life, police, scanner, treatment

Do you ever just stop, look and listen to the natural world. Listen to the bees buzzing, watch the birds communicating as they sing their chorus. Appreciate the smell of the flowers in the garden, gaze in wonder at all that has been created. I often look out of our window at the birds feeding at the bird station. My wife always buys thes coconut shells filled with fat that the birds love. But then today I was wondering why I appreciated the small things so much, why I appreciated the smells and the world of nature. How I had become so grateful for my surroundings. Well I guess the answer to that is simple, and obvious.

I know what it’s like to be unable to smell the flowers, to watch the bees. I know what it’s like not to be able to here the birds. It was only 3 weeks where I experienced life unable to hear the birds the bees and the wind russling between the leaves. To be unable to smell the sweet fragrance of flowers in my garden. I was not even able to feel the sunshine on my face such was the reality of the small room I was cooped up in. But you know what, I am grateful I have had that experience in that room isolated from the world. With my I pad my wife (during the day) and the days on fan that kept me cool at night times. Because I can hear the birds today, I can smell the flowers today, I can hear the birds chatting in the morning.

Life is without doubt a precious gift, one that we never truly appreciate until we are not able to experience life with all of its senses. Is then life not a gift to you to me, to all the creatures that roam the earth. Are we not all fortunate and blessed that we have air to breath and eyes to see. I have found myself not being bothered about what is going on in someone else’s world, found myself becoming a curtious driver. I have found giving gives me a great deal of pleasure, where as before it was what I wanted that as most important.

Right now there is a valeter disrupting all this tranquility with his loud jet washer. But hey, it seems to make no differance to the birds. They still sing, they are still playing in the trees, and seem happy to be alive. The point is, the birds and the bees don’t care what we do, they just carry on enjoying what they can. Accepting the world they live in for what it is, take a moment to pause today and admire the world that’s all around us. Take a moment to appreciate what you do have rather than what you don’t have. After all, what we have today is a gift. A gift to be enjoyed appreciated and cherished. But will you? Do you? A year ago today I had no option but to continue life with out the enjoying senses that I have been given. One thing I did do though, because I was able to. That was to encourage my fellow man to keep on keeping on, what ever that path maybe. Blogging 365 times in as many days.

I hope you find time to enjoy what is all around you today, enjoy what you do have.

Fonz

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≈ 11 Comments

Honesty about beating Cancer. Twice.

26 Thursday May 2016

Tags

c, cancer, chemotheropy, eu, hope, love, politics, referendam, together, word

So here I am it’s 12pm I am still in bed, yup that’s right the pain is still with me and I am not able to walk today. If I was that man that was under the circumstances maybe I would feel sorry for myself and maybe even shed a tear, but that’s not me. I actually smile that I have pain, yea it’s true. The smile is because I can actually feel the pain, the pain makes me know I am alive. That although standing hurts, that I have beaten cancer. “Twice”. The pain reminds me every hour of the day how hard the fight was, it reminds me of many other things to. It reminds me of my family, my friendships, this blog and the support people have given me around the world. The pain makes me grateful to be alive, happy to have life in whatever fashion that is.

You see for me, life has never been a breeze. Everything I have ever done I have had to do the hard way. But I am sure that I speak for most people on the planet, life’s not easy is it? If it is easy for you then please tell me how you do that?

What I have realised personally at the age of 47, is that we all have similar battles in different guises. But I don’t think there are many people walking the earth that have an easy time. It’s just most don’t shout about it, or share how they are feeling.mmaybe telling those closest to them and that’s it. Well it was a little different for me as the first time I had it I was given a short time to live without treatment. But even then that was not enough to tell you about it. It was not until I had been around cancer for 3 years and got it again that I was compelled to start writing a blog. I wanted to share my journey when I realised I was going to have to have my transplant. All I knew is that I would win and wanted to share that journey with you.

Yesterday I went back through my blog and looked at some of what I have written over the past year. The posts I was reading began to touch me, it made me feel I was reading someone else’s journey not mine. I know this sounds strange but I started to like the person who had written them. Yea I started to like myself. It’s amazing how I have turned the pain around to me saying ” you have pain, because you have life” yes of course we are not super human and have to listen to our bodies. After all we get pain for a reason right. Mine is because chemo has damaged the ends of my nerves, but surely the pain free option would have not been the best for those around me that loved me. I have pain because I chose to fight and to beat cancer the way that I did. Yea there was a 1 in 4 chance I would not make it, the pain reminds me I made it everyday.

Pain is a reminder of how strong we are and were is it not?

Fonz

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I just want to thank you.

25 Wednesday May 2016

Tags

bank, cancer, cells, chemotheropy, holiday, hope, LEP, stem, stories, transplant

Oh yes for sure, I am fully aware that I am not perfect. That the man that is Fonz is imperfect and has flaws. Never the less you have read my blogs, maybe even you have found them helpful. Maybe you have shared them. What ever you have done, you have helped me and spurred me on to carry on with my 365 blogs in 365 days.

Here are the actual number of posts so far via a screen shot

A massive task that maybe even I thought was not possible. Yet here we are 375 days on. Over 700 of you now follow me, many of you have commented and shown me commitment in reading what my murmurings have been. I want to thank each and everyone of you for your part in encouraging me to carry on.

Here is the post and the names I put up back then.

Thought I would put up some thank yous

Firstly to my wife Andie Blackwell for being my rock and constant source of strength.

Debbie Beardsworth for the DVDs you sent.

Janette McCreery Reynolds for the listening books all the way from the usa

Becca Parkes for the gifts you sent to my wife. ( sadly passed )

Tea Veenstra and Saskia Woudstra for the card from Holland

Karl Boardman s children Rhys and Kyle for my good wishes card and also to Karl for looking after my house and car whilst I have been here.

Lisa Wood Daryll and Ian for your good wishes via mail.

Anne-Marie Balfour Eric and children Elsie and Rhona for your lovely presents.

Faith my dog for letting grandma do your faith diaries.

Ken Blackwell for looking after Faith with my mum.

Jeremy Blackwell for lending me those uplifting books.

Kim Blackwell for supporting my wife often, and talking to her when driving home from hospital to keep her awake.

Zac Blackwell my nephew for lending me my PS3 games.

Joshua Winn for fundraising and your relentlace support.

Mandy Shanks for your continued support in prayer.

Alison Wilson Johnny Wilson and Molly and boys for your constant support and love at this time for us both.

Beverley Winn for your messages of support.

Carmella Hollington Vale for your continued support.

Cath Parker and John Chapman for your support and love for us both in this.

Chris Dale,and Lisa Dale ben jack and Alfie for your fun and laughter at times of need. And the picture you put on CS and the special video you made.
Dan Vernon and Helen vernon Rueben and Ethan.

Daniel Alexander Clyburn for being there constantly.

Dave Hollington for your encouragement.

My friend Deanna Harwood Perich who skype do and encouraged us many times during the rough rough moments.

Eileen Salmon for your funny messages daily that have kept my spirits up. ( sadly passed )

Ian Ian John Fisher for reminding me of good times we had along with Marie Anna Emily and Ava.

Jan benbow for supporting my wife.

Kirsty Redford for being there for me always and comforting me.

Lakshmi Sharma

Lilian Candy and Pete.

Mags Whitehouse for being there in the small hours to encourage me.

Mel braban for instigigating fund raising event in North Wales

Michelle and Calum for messaging ur sister.

Natalie Burney and MITCH and family for being there even though facing very tough times.

Paul Benson and Jane for your constant love and concideration.

Pauline Phil Lloyd for your encouragement and updates as to your own story here.

Ron Blackwell and Rosalie Blackwell for your constant support.

Sue Winstanley

Alexandra Villemaire in Canada for your reassurance and love.

Thank you to Amanda parfitt

Angela Jack for encouraging me and Andie

Anne Marie slater

Bernadette major

Beth obrien

Bullet tooth tony

Carleene waddicar

Carole Ann Richards you have been a tower of strength

Chantelle Bolton and girls for cheering me up.

Cherlyn Mcsharry and mike and family

Chris Calvert for all your distractions

Chris Oneil and Rachel Robinson

Colin Colin Browne Debbie Browne ur always there.

Colltte mchugh

Dani Makovecz

Daz Manley your a great encouragement

Debbie Debbie Sumner your amazing and I thank you

Dee Taylor

Denise fortune

Diane boocock

Doris livesey

Dorothy Bailey

Eileen Almond my dear friend

Ellen Leigh for your love and sharing your story

Elliott Summerfield

Emily waddicar

Gail Hardman for all your messages and support from you and your boys

Gareth Cartwright rhiannon and family I know this has been tough for you.

Gillian wells you have been here from the start.

Hitesh Ghedia you know.

Ian greenwood for keeping an eye on things

James Clinton Smith for daily encouragement, relentlessly

James D Peace-Mankiewicz we will have lunch 1 day friend. ( sadly passed )

Janine Taylor and Paul Taylor and family for all your support

Jason Julie Kenningley Mark Kenningley Luke Kenningley and family’s

Jean ‘Mili’ Thraves you have been a great addition to the group.

Jean Anderson your journey and Billy’s has inspired me.

Jean alty

Jenny hopwood

Jo Jo Paxton

Joel

John Almond you have been a great source of strength

Judith broad bentm

Judith Taylor inspitational person.

Julia Prince x

Julia Wadsworth here for me even though she is having a hard time.

Julie Watson

Julie wood welcome

Karen Charteris

Kathleen Hyams a star

Kayla green

Kieth McIntosh

Kelly Baxter

Kelly rushton

Klara burton

Les smalley

Linda smalley

Liz peters my dear friend and family

Lorraine Haslett u know.

Louise Hyams

Lyndy

Malaya Arnold

Mandy shanks

Margret Margaret Park xx

Prestwich pharmacy

Marie ash worth

Marius Hantig Adriana my special friends xx

Matanda

Matthew Cross

Michelle hodgeon

Rita hodgeon sadly passed but told her story to us.

Mj Sherman

Nichola kenny a special person
Nicola fortune

Patsy wileman

Pauline birkbeck

Peter bones Wilson a life long friend

Sammie Roberts

Sanjay Ghedia

Shandee Cabral

Sharron mccrery

Sharron Perry

Shaun Ferguson

Shelley Elizabeth

Simon Naylor Kay and family, becoming true friends.

Sue Daniels

Susan robinson

Tajreen mowla

Tim button

Tin foil tie wrap

Towhida Rahman

Tracey Ann Essex, thanks for your continued support on the benidorm seriously group.

Trisha Houghton

Veronica Bailey

Wendy and rob Cartwright, for your love and friendship over the past 23 years

Wendy case Edwards another fighter in Australia.

Youandi Woudstra an amazing person, and outlook.

These are people that supported us while we were in hospital.

There are many more people in our lives now that we’re not bk then. But I wanted to revisit that post, the people that were there back then. The differance you make in people’s lives. I want to encourage you to say the encouraging words you need to say. Because with out you someone may not get the words they need that day. What you say and do can and will make so much of a differance. All you have to do is agree to do it yourself.
Don’t not encourage the person you are compelled to do today, today will be the past tomorrow. But it will also be a new today and a new start and chance to help someone.

But Will you?

Thanks to all of you that have been there for us, the new friends we have made since this article was written. Thank you.

Fonz

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Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Carling cup final, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Holiday, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Super Bowl 50, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 7 Comments

Conqueror.

21 Saturday May 2016

Tags

belief, bible, cancer, chemotheropy, faith love, hope, jesus, relationship

Throughout the year if you look back at my blog, I have spoken many times how I would rather stand tall and fight. Rather than roll over and allow the cancer to defeat me, I woke up this morning with this song ringing in my head so clearly. I wondered if I had it in my I tunes collection. What do ya know, it was there so I have routed out the you tube video. It’s the words that ring true in my head, because my blog is about encouragement. That you can. That you WILL. That life will get better that your dreams can be a reality.

Life is like a big merry-go-round,

You’re up and then down,

Going in circles trying to get to where you are.

Everybody’s been counting you out,

Where are they now?

Sitting in the same old place,

Just faces in the crowd.

We all make mistakes,

You might fall on your face,

But you gotta get up!
[Chorus:]

I’d rather stand tall

Than live on my knees,

‘Cause I am a conqueror,

And I won’t accept defeat!

Try telling me no,

One thing about me

Is I am a conqueror,

I am a conqueror!

Ooh oh
Got a vision that no one else sees,

Lot of dirty work, roll up your sleeves,

Remember there’s a war out there,

So come prepared to fight!

You never know wherever the road leads you,

Not everyone’s gonna believe you,

Even though they’re wrong, don’t prove them right.
[Chorus:]

I’d rather stand tall

Than live on my knees,

‘Cause I am a conqueror,

And I won’t accept defeat!

Try telling me no,

One thing about me

Is I am a conqueror,

I am a conqueror!

Ooh oh
I am a conqueror!

We all make mistakes,

You might fall on your face,

but you gotta get up!

We all make mistakes,

You might fall on your face,

Don’t ever give up!
[Chorus:]

I’d rather stand tall

Than live on my knees,

‘Cause I am a conqueror,

And I won’t accept defeat!

Try telling me no,

One thing about me

Is I am a conqueror,

I am a conqueror!

Ooh oh
I am a conqueror

We all make mistakes,

You might fall on your face,

But I am a conqueror!
The song speaks of moving on from your mistakes, but I want to use it in your battle. What ever that may be. Relationship, desease, illness, berievment, some sadness in your life. This post is for you, to tell you, to proclaim that you can over come. That you, yes you are more than a conquerer. In life we all come across the hurdles that try to make us fall on our face, and yes sometimes we do find ourselves flat on our faces wondering what the hell just happened. But there is beauty to be found in this situation you find yourself in. Because if you find yourself on the floor, there is only one way you can go from there and that’s up. To stand and face what’s to come, to stand tall and be a conquerer. It is of course but a choice and it is up to us to start again. Today is day 366+ since my BMT now I am starting to believe I will be cancer free forever. That all the prayers, kind messages of faith love and hope have given me the strength to conquer cancer. Given me the strength and passion to defeat the evil that is cancer.

I want you to know, that even if you feel you are unable. That right there is where you show your fellow man your strengths, because when we feel we are not able to carry on, that right there is when we are able to show just what we are made of. That’s where the true winners are, at the end of the rope. They are the ones that tie a knot in the rope and dig in, I want to encourage you today. That what you think is impossible is possible, that you can. That YOU are more that a conquerer.

I truly believe that you can, and I hope that you choose to stand tall today.

Fonz

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≈ 18 Comments

Do it anyway.

15 Sunday May 2016

Tags

belief, cancer, challenge, chemo, down, hope, perseverance, reality

Well there it is, we went to a place today that had a suspended staircase. Quite high up, many that know me know I am scared of heights, or just not keen. It’s a feeling I have when I am not seemingly in control, wires suspending me in mid air just don’t rock my boat in fact I would much prefer a world without any heights what so ever. But hey we don’t live in a world where anything is perfect do we. But what really is it that stops us doing anything, why do we let fear or any other feeling stop us from doing anything at all. After all what we choose to do or not do, won’t we still feel the feeling we feel anyway.

As I approached those stairs, I was told the risks. That if I suffered from vertigo don’t do it, if you don’t like heights don’t do it. Well my friends wife Said to me. “Just do it anyway” Her words compelled me to do just that, to turn what a thought was impossible into a memory. My thoughts again went to my transplant and how impossible that was, yet I was able through faith, self belief, prayer and doing it anyway. I managed it. So surely a few steps would not stand in my way. Would they?

My thought pattern was if I can do my BMT I can walk up those steps. I put one step in front of the other anyway, I walked up them anyway. It did not change what I felt, I still felt the fear. I still had the same feelings but I did it anyway. It was a victory and although I did not hang around to see the view but I did do it anyway.

It’s a challenge I would like to make to you, that no matter how something makes you feel that you yourself, find it in you to do the same. To look outside of what you think is possible and do it anyway. I think you will suprise yourself. A couple of days later I walked over a rope bridge that I never considered doing in the past due to my fear of heights. Doing something that you think is impossible makes you more of a person, it hones you and moods you into a person that becomes a beacon. Smoothing the rough edges of you making the diamond that you are. Shine brighter. I guess it’s down to that choice again as to what you want out of life. To do it anyway or to change nothing.

What will you do?

Fonz

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≈ 11 Comments

Extraordinary.

02 Monday May 2016

Tags

amputatee, chemotheropy, desease, extraordinary, faith, games, hope, invictus, love, premier, self

Invictus games, funny how spell check wants to change that to “I victims” but what does extraordinary mean to you. One of my friends wrote on face book the other day.

COMMON…..being “common” is a very easy way to “fit it”, listen to common people, doing what common people do, living how common people live, going to common places,driving common cars,living in common houses, having a common bank acount…….I preferr to listen and take advice from EXTRAORDINARY people, so I can live an extraordinary life,go extraordinary places, drive extraordinary cars,live in extraordinary houses, have a extraordinary bank acount…….so the extraordinary becomes my “common”!!

The man that wrote that, had his career cut short. He was at the top of his game and someone I respected greatly and respect greatly to this day. You see it’s not what happens to us that make extraordinary people just that. It’s our response to what happens in our life that makes us who we then become. Many times in my life I have heard or even said. “I can’t because” I hate those three words, I even despise them. But I have learnt to see those words as as a way to show the world I CAN. That attitude is how things get done. Now please don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I am extraordinary. But I do know how it feels to do an extraordinary thing. To beat cancer twice is extraordinary in anyone’s book. To cheat death is an amazing thing.

You have to then turn your thoughts to the up and coming invictus games where there are many many people that will be competing in a games invented by an extraordinary Prince Harry. There are many many people on this planet where we can gain encouragement from. Doing something extraordinary starts with one step, it is a choice to become something or achieve something no matter what the world throws at us.

Anyone that beats the odds are amazing in my book, you don’t need to have an extraordinary bank account to be extraordinary. But you do have to be willing to make the first step forwards. That choice is yours.

Fonz

Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer stories, Carling cup final, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Super Bowl 50, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 19 Comments

http://biblehub.com/niv/john/12.htm

Not what I want to write.

01 Sunday May 2016

Tags

belief, commitment, Depressed, faith, hope, love, oppertunities

Today I have to blog, because I said I would. I should be uploading all the photos from the capital one cup, maybe even blogging about the joy of the winning team, but if I am honest. The pain in my hands and legs consumes me today, I have no strength to be what I want to be today, no ability it seems to be the me that shrugs off so much and turns around so many situations. Today I have to rest, our dog faith can sense I am not myself, maybe it’s normal for the losing teams members to feel a lull when losing a match that we feel should have been ours.

But I know that it’s not because of the match, it feels like a punishment. A consequence even of having cancer means that the damage the cure has caused. Means that after doing comes pain, tomorrow I will write about accepting who we are. I feel really hacked off that I find myself with such low abilities, such high pain and such feelings that I feel should not be mine.

I started writing this some 8 weeks ago, yet I find myself feeling the same again today. Every time I do in a day I am punished the next day. So my reward today even though I may feel so bad, it’s to look at what yesterday’s efforts achieved. To rejoice that I am still able to coordinate the right people at the right time to at least make things happen for our future.

I know I wrote about this, have written about this, and will write about this again. Why because it’s all part of healing, all part of the cancer journey that I am on. Although cured dealing with the aftermath. But then you get rewards like this when you push on.

Maybe not entirely because of my hands, but most certainly because of the relationships I maintain. Even though I may not want to write some of the things I do, I even so concider it a privalage to be able to write ( even what I don’t want to write ) life in itself is a privalage and one I intend to enjoy one I want to see things happen, even if it will give me the pain I may feel the next day. Happiness seems to be my enemy, and whilst my happiness (our happiness) maybe tarnished by pain and my joy maybe quashed somewhat. Still I look for what is positive, still I look to make something hood out of something bad. When we started this project, we had to demolish a perfectly good and pufuntary building.

I started relating it to my whole journey again, that the conservatory that was had to be removed for a new one to take its place. That I could accept the small size and do nothing, or I could get rid of what was to replace it with something new. A but like my transplant. That the desease had taken hold of my body and for me to live a longer life, the blood that gave me life needed to be replaced in part so I could continue to live. The process hurt, I looked a mess for a time. Here are some pictures and videos of it all happening.

Sometimes we have to die to ourselves to become made anew, it reminded me of a verse in the bible. John 12 v23

Change takes effort removing what was to enable us to become so much more than we thought was possible. Of course we can choose to do nothing as I could but what would be achieved by doing that? Nothing can be achieved if even when we don’t feel like it we don’t carry on. By moving forward even an inch takes effort, choices we all make everyday. Cancer or illness I believe brings out the best in someone if they choose to find it. Choosing to keep moving forward makes you awesome, it makes you special. It means you know how to accept what you have to do to make things happen. Is that what you will choose, to lose what you are to be rebuilt to become a better you. Trust me you can.

Hope you like the video.

Fonz

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Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Carling cup final, Chemothearopy, depression, dogs, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Super Bowl 50, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 15 Comments

Tired of being strong.

19 Saturday Mar 2016

Tags

commited, giving, grace, love, passion, patience, unconditional

Strange statement some may think, but it is true that people suffering illness get tired of being strong. Continually smiling at those that don’t really care about you. They just ask how you are to make themselves feel better. Maybe they feel they are doing a good turn. They ask a person recovering from cancer how they are “how are you”? They say. They don’t mean it, they don’t come and have fun and laughter knowing the person still suffers but bringing at least some happiness. For some they ask for themselves, so they can say they asked how the person was. Well I am tired of those people that don’t really care, the people that do for show. I am sad that people don’t ask and mean it, I am sick of meaningless chit chat. I would rather no greeting than a fake question they want a “yea great,how about you”?answer. I am tired of appearing strong for them. Those people that never send a text or phone. But ask you when they see you, because it’s convenient. Do they really care? Are they bothered really? If so why do they never visit, why do they say words but have no actions.

I have people in my life that love me, they know they love me and I feel it. Others know they should do, but they don’t because you are not as important as the things or people they regard as important. But I ask you this question. Are not some of those people that you regard as important, people that provide or give something to you. Or do you want nothing from them but they do anyway. Do you maintain relationships because you benifit from them, or do you show those that you love that you do for no reward. If you want nothing but still do, that’s true love. That’s unconditional love.

Please watch this short video, it says all this post is meant to be.

Unconditional love for another, is one of the most precious actions a person can be. Do you do because you want to do, or because it benefits you to do. What ever your thoughts on this subject only you will truly know, what the relationships you cultivate mean to you. A true friend will love you anyway, there are many people that I have discovered don’t really care. True colours come shining through, in illness. It makes me so sad, people do for themselves and not the person that really needs them. Maybe because it’s convenient to them, and it’s of great benifit to them you maintain your friendship. There are people I love now, that I did not some 10 years ago. Why? Because they have been there no matter what, a shoulder no matter what. A friend no matter what. They have given to me not wanting reward, or anything in return. People like that are precious, people like that are for sure people that give strength in our fight. Treasure those that treasure you. Remembering that, what you give is not how much it cost, but whether it came from each your head or your heart. When someone gives from their heart, they are the Angels of the earth. People that don’t care if you are weak or strong. They are just there, and don’t mind if you are not strong. They just love you anyway.

Thank you for being you, and allowing me to be a real person. Not expecting anything from me, it means a lot. Because I want to be who I truly am. Not strong all the time.

Fonz

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≈ 47 Comments

Invincible.

13 Sunday Mar 2016

Tags

Aria, chemothearopy, Ducati, hope, invincible, love, motor bike, ninja

In life, only when something happens are you then able to stop and look around. As a young man I rode motorbikes everywhere. I rode bikes at the soonest possible age and even before I was legal to ride I rode on the fields on dirt bikes I bought with my paper round money. I loved two wheels, I had a racer when I was really young. It was white with drop handle bars.

This was the bike I had, I also had an xl100 Honda for the fields.

Life was very different at that young age. I progressed onto bigger bikes

KH 250

Gpz 1100

Fzr 600

Then eventually my CBR 600

Then the latest bike I owned some 7 years ago was my ZX900R

I was fearless, no contemplations of ill health. That I may possibly get sick, I was invincible and never ever contemplated consequenses. I used to hear of other friends coming off their bikes, hurting the,selves badly. But it was never in my mind, I never even considered that I could make a mistake and come off. Things did happen like I bought rubbish tyres called swallows for my Honda super dream and fell off turning it around in a car park.

I feared nothing or no one, I actually believed I would live forever. I was Peter Pan I was someone that had not really know serious injury except a broken leg in rugby and an accident on a RD80LC. I ran into the back of a ford Capri. But it turned out that the owner of the ford was seeing someone he should not have been doing. So he put his bumper in the back of his car and left. I heard nothing more.

RD 80 LC

This was just like mine, my brother bought it off me though.

I remember the day I finished riding bikes. Slowing down as I went through the gears on my Ninja, with my Andie on the back. It had new tyres sprockets, chain and brake pads and discs. Yet I was really bothered about something happening to the person I treasured on the back. My future wife. As we rode home together after another day out, I knew that it was my last ever time on a bike. My life changed knowing that I loved and cared for my love Andie greatly, it’s not something you can buy. But I realised that’s our days of exhilaration were over in that respect.

But I still believed I was Peter Pan, I still believed I was strong and would never be affected by anything. I ate what I wanted, drank what I wanted, I went out all the time and even travelled Austrailia and newzealand one year.

That is until 6 months after we got married and our lives were sent into disarray by cancer. I became confused that I just may be fallable. That I was indeed as normal as the next man. Although I have always lived a life without a care for my well fair, lived a full packed adventurous life. Fear of losing my life was never part of me, I had no fear of man or machinery.

What having cancer has taught me, is that life is fragile, that we did not know what will happen around the corner, what will affect us in the next hour of our lives. It’s made me value a smile given to me by a stranger, it’s made me realise that people are precious, that’s life is precious. That not even I am able to escape desease. Cancer has actually given me something very precious, it’s made me realise how important life actually is. Yes I have fought the fight of my life to sustain my life, it feels amazing to be able to receive that smile from my wife and friends. You have a life, love the life you have and those that are in it. Hug them while you still can, don’t complain about what they are not, love what they are.

Fonz

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Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Carling cup final, Chemothearopy, depression, dogs, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 30 Comments

I can’t.

12 Saturday Mar 2016

Tags

belief, hope, love, mind, pearl, perseverance, roosevelt

Tell me I Can’t and I will show you I CAN. Have you watched the film ‘Peal harbour’ a film of how the Japanise massacred the Americans that were resting in their ships many times I felt as though I was not able to do things in my cancer treatment. Cancer treatment took away my abilities to carry on, even made me think negatively. How low I felt I can not even communicate to you. But I will say that how I felt was that life itself was impossible, that I should not even be alive. Thinking thoughts like ‘what’s the point in my treatment’ ‘surly it’s wasted treating me’ give it to someone who needs it. All these thoughts went though my head. Never once thinking, why do I have cancer, but why do I deserve to be treated.

So what of pearl harbour, well it was a poinient moment in the film where president Roosevelt, who contracted polio at 39 years old. His desease put him in a wheel chair, it took his ability to be able to stand and be mobile like other people that walked the planet. In a meeting where they planned how they would retaliate on the Japanese. He slowly stood, making the statement ‘do not tell me cant’ every time the wave came over me making me feel so low. When that happened to me, I remembered that moving part of the movie.saying to myself ‘if he can I can’ I removed can’t from my vocabulary. President Roosevelt although American and passed on. His legacy inspired me, it enthused me to believe that I could achieve where maybe at times it seemed impossible.

If you say you can’t, you will not be able to achieve. You have told yourself where your limits are, and you said you can’t. So it will be so. For me negativity needed to be removed, believing that I could. Using the examples set by great men of history. You are able to do whatever you say you are able to do, cancer, or illness is hard enough without making it harder again in your own mind. Real ease yourself to be able, tell yourself you can and trust me the load WILL be lightened. “I CAN” is one of the most powerful things you can say to yourself.

Replace can’t with can. Try it and see how different your life will be in a few short days. Trust me you really can start saying can.

Fonz

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≈ 18 Comments

Don’t take your life for granted.

11 Friday Mar 2016

Tags

decisions, endurance, hope, life, love, Oppertunity, reality

Did you know, that your life exsists for a reason. That your life is not an accident, you are not a chance happening. YOU ARE MEANT TO BE. You and only you can do what you do, for sure someone else can do the same things. But not how you can, not the way you do things. Your life is for a reason, yet so many complain about what there life is not. Instead of being grateful for what life is. You see so many, always want more, it’s never enough. When the next tick is ticked they still strive for more.

We have lived in this house for 6 years and have had to fight cancer the whole time we have lived here. Never have we lived here and enjoyed what we have around us. Yes sure there have been small moments where we have sat back and enjoyed what we are surrounded by. Those moments have been very few though, moments that we never had and never will again. We are all so fragile, our lives balance on a knife blade. Anyone of us could have a life changing event at any time. Today tomorrow, in 10 years. Maybe it will never happen, rest assured though, you will not always happen. You have a life that you have now, today. This moment will never ever happen again, life is without doubt something to be enjoyed not endured. The moment you complain about your coffee being to cold, or the meals taken to long to come. That moment won’t happen again, it’s gone.

What’s awesome about that though, is that you have another chance to respond differently. To enjoy the person you are with instead of complaining about bad service or something else completely insignificant. What we have in front of us, with us, or by us. Is there for us not against us, but it’s how we react to it. That’s what really matters in life, our response. The way we see life, as an endurance or an opportunity. But every day is an opportunity presented to us, yet we walk on past all the opertunity. Seeing it all as hinderances. Yet the very thing that presents its so called hinderance could be the very thing that could give you the oppertunity that you don’t even know .

In life there are doors, it’s up yo us to walk past or push on the door. But one fact is for sure, and that is those oppertunity it’s will still be behind the door if we open it or not. Our choice is in the opening or walking past. For sure cancer has taught me that life does not present opertunities, it gives us a viechle to find the opertunities life has to offer. But the question is, will you look for opertunities or find reasons not to. Will you be the one that makes a differance, or just another name in the planet we call earth. Will you do, or complain about the hand you say you have been dealt? Or is the question, will you or won’t you?

The choice is yours

Fonz

Follow me, I will follow back. 😊
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Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Carling cup final, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Pets, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 27 Comments

Passion.

07 Monday Mar 2016

Tags

dream, helping, hope, love, others, passion, people

You ever stopped to think about what you are passionate about, I am not going to start reeling off the things you could be passionate about. But what I do know, is that if your passionate about life, then you have faced losing your own life, or someone close to you. If it’s a thing something without a heart then, you have only ever known life. I envy you in some ways because you will feel invincible. I most certainly have a passion for cars, I love the sound and the smell of a roaring V8. My brother has just bought a car boasting a V12 engine, a very different sound to the V8’s I have grown to love. That roar to me is life because I can understand what goes into making a beautiful car. But I also know what has gone into enabling me to be able to hear that sound today, which I guess completely contradicts my first statement. Pointless post?

Not entirely, because although I am still passionate about the smell and sound of engines and all things that are loud and competitive in that realm. I have become passionate about people and what they face, I have a certain empathy with people that are facing illness and battles through no fault of their own. I mean lets have it right, an accident, and illness, things caused by something we don’t control can change a life. That is where my passion has its main focus these days, supporting others that are not fortunate in the cards they have been dealt.

We can all choose to care or walk on by. The people that walk on by are most certainly the majority, which of course is a shame. It’s down to us to infect people isn’t it? No it’s our job to affect people to want to give something to someone, to want to help someone to grow. To feel wanted, needed and important, I did not choose cancer. Cancer chose me, there are no ways to keep cancer away. If cancer wants you it WILL have you. The accident you were in that changed your life forever, that was always going to happen. You can’t blame yourself, it’s happened in your life.

I am passionate about turning what has tried to ruin my life, into something that drives me in life. I use the very effects of cancer on my body to ignite a positives within me to help others and therefore don’t find many days where I am as dispondent as I could be. You may have noticed I have not written for a couple of days, I am still on track to write my 365 posts in 365 days because there has been days I have written more than one. I have been and still am ill with flu, but feel like I am on the mend now.

What ever the thing is that’s happened in your life, to crush your life. Use that to ignite the passion within you to do something that you never would have done had you not been affected by the situation you are in. Holding your head in your hands, or lifting your head up. So that you are able to give others a lift up, is far more worthy.Ignite you passion for life that you know is there, it could be bacuse of your situation that someone finds encouragement in the story you tell.

Have a great week

Fonz

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Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Carling cup final, Chemothearopy, depression, dogs, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 25 Comments

What’s treatment mean.

02 Wednesday Mar 2016

Tags

attitude, chemothearopy, health, help, hope, love, nutrition, radiation, scans, support, treatment

How do you see treatment? After all it starts with a nice word, a word our parents said that meant something nice. A treat like a chocolate bar or an outing somewhere nice. But as an adult it means a medical way of treating something that needs medication, surgical management. When I was told you need treatment, I had no idea what that meant. I had no clue how that would occur. The word chemotheropy was such a meaningless word to me, but when you ask the question “what if I don’t have treatment” and you get the response “you will die” you kinda know you are going to need to do whats required of you. You then have to acquire the tools required to beat or under Ho your treatment. For me, what I needed most in my life was positivity. I knew that there was no room in my life for anything less than a ‘I can’ approach to the drugs I needed to have administered to me.

I also needed to trust that what they were doing to me was going to work, I asked questions like. “Is there another way” “could I not beat it by diet” I have since learnt that doctors have only 1 hour of nutritional training in a 7 year training period to become a GP. I have learnt that it’s our own knowledge that can help us, or maybe aswell as that the trust that what they do works. After all that was the answer I was given when I asked is there another way. “The way we know works” so why try to fight it, I needed to accept that they knew what they were doing and effectively trust them although making sure that what they gave me is what the doctor prescribed.

For me treatment meant, scans, tests, and lots and lots of drugs. They named the drugs chemotheropy, and they were administered over long periods of time, they were in bags hung on a drip stand. They had words like cytotoxic written on the bags, there were more than one bag that would be dripped directly into my blood stream. My main weapon I used when having treatment was something anyone that faces illness needs. Not just cancer, it’s a weapon that can lift you out of any hole we find ourselves in.

Positivity, and attitude if we have both of those in our armoury, then our chances of success are massively increased. That’s because we believe we will win, our attitude is positive and our expectations are positive. My attitude to feeling down was positive because I believed if I was down the only was was for me to get up, therefore the only effect of being down was that I would get up and beat the situation I found myself in. It’s like we talked about in a recent blog about our minds. It’s only our own negativity that drags us down by the very thoughts we think in our minds. Our attitude to treatment and anything that is negative, is a massive part of getting through treatment. Well it was for me, and I know it helped me greatly in my fight. All people have a lot of angry moments, I am not saying I did not get angry I did, lots. But the main help is to be positive, and expect an outcome that is in your favour. My attitude to treatment is most certainly the main weapon to overcoming what I faced.

I truly hope that my writing how it was for me, helps you in what ever you face. Remember it’s not feeling negative that’s a bad thing we all do and did. It’s how we deal with it that matters.

Fonz

Follow me, I will follow back. 😊
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Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Carling cup final, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 30 Comments

Match day.

01 Tuesday Mar 2016

Tags

champions, cup, football, hope, kompany, Liverpool, love, manchester, wembley, winners, yergen

So there we were all excited about the final today “capital one cup” and we thought we would look at the terms and conditions of ‘club Wembley seating’

To us it sounded rather strict, and whilst we did actually have our respective team shirts on the day we had jumpers on so no one could see. We were both very very happy that the tickets were gifted to us and for sure we saw it as a blessing.

This was the beginning of a fabulous oust day for us both, a day that would remain a memory for the rest of our lives. Our view from our seats looked like this.

I managed to persuade the door attendants to let me in 1 min before the rest of the people were 88,000 of them. To take this shot of the empty stadium. This was made happen by the kindness of someone I did not even know, induced by the kindness of a friend that I have known since my school days.

Club Wembley did not seem as strict as I had first thought, people were at least wearing scarfs and hats representing their club.

We were in the city end which made me very happy as it was the end my wife needed to be in really. But we could just have easily been the Liverpool end…

There was extra time and even after extra time the scores were level. But then the toss was taken and all the penalties were taken at the city end. The end we were sat at. Andies face was amazing when they won, the Liverpool fans left in the most. A few stayed to see city lift the trophy as we did. Who would have thought a year ago that this would have been possible.

Manchester city were champions for the fourth time. Equal long Manchester unites record of 4 wins. It was Liverpools 12 th Capitol one cup final although named differently over the years. We would remain 8 time winners. But to be honest I was pleased to, that city had won. Although I never told Andie that. It was a long day. We left the hotel at 11 pm and got home at 2.20 am would I do it again. I don’t know but what I do know is we had an amazing day and a memory that will be played many times in Andies mind.

I hope you enjoyed the pictures and post. I will blog again tomorrow and hopefully have recovered sufficiently that I will not have to have so many pain killers tomorrow.

Fonz

Follow me, I will follow back. 😊
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Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Carling cup final, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 23 Comments

How are you?

27 Saturday Feb 2016

Tags

believe, capitalcup, faith, greetings, hope, How, love

The meaning of that has changed for me over the years. But how do you respond when some one greats you with “hi, how are you?” When I was younger I used to say “fine how are you” but what happens if your not ok. Do you tell them or do you just say the fine sentence. It’s an interesting one, because when I was a lot younger I used to have a lot of friendships, which I know know were just people I knew and not true friends. They were people that did not want anything to be wrong, wanted life to be hunky dory and not have to respond to an illness or issue. But for me I asked a question, and I always want to know how someone is when I ask “How are you”?

It does not matter who the person is, the question from me to the person is always meant. But it was a new way for me to understand that people who said “all right” did not want to actually know if I was alright. I guess it was when we moved to leyland I realised this when I started at welfield high school and everyone seemed to say “Oreet” it to me was a new way and a new way of communicating, yet for years when I said it I always wanted a response and never got one. I thought people were quite rude not telling me how they were. It seemed only the ones that followed it on by “did you sleep ok”? Really wanted to know.

The other week I was in touch with my friend Michael 33 and we had a little chat as to how he was, I followed it up with “I really do want to know. He was pleased because so many people seem to ask the question and not expect a response. I have learnt over the years that actually there are proberbly only a select few that ask the question and are truly interested. The people that are bothered about others and mean the question when they ask it, you will find on our cancer stories group. Because they know what it’s like to go through a situation, that’s tough to deal with. It’s a comfort to have people round you like that.
I want you to try it today, ask someone how they are, then look at them as say ” really how are you” they will be taken a back and even feel good in some way that they are well thought of, cared for. Even cherished. It’s nice to be liked, and nicer to be well thought of.

I bet you think differently about saying that from now on don’t you. Some people love talking about themselves, I guess some would say I do writing my blog everyday. But my blog is about helping people to understand what the journey of cancer is like. When I am asked how I am I have to assess are they just greeting me or do they really want to know. I tend to find that out by looking in someone’s eyes. You can’t do that on social media though can you, but you can make sure that they know you mean it. I am off now for a while so you may not see me till late Sunday night but rest assured I will blog at some point tomorrow. Someone will be unhappy on the journey home, I just hope it’s not me. But if it is me then the car will be a happy car because, I am the least bothered about who wins. Andie is a massive Manchester city fan, my old Liverpool shirt was 7 years old. I bought a new one yesterday, (well Andie did)

Have a great weekend.

Fonz

Ps – How are you?
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Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Carling cup final, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 50 Comments

Fatigue

26 Friday Feb 2016

Tags

belief, business, cancer, cheomotheropy, depression, fatigue, feeling low, hope, love, tiredness

If your fortunate to have not had a life threatening illness or an arduous fight to stay alive. Having the very make up of your cells reformed then the word fatigue you will think is just tiredness . You will also think that a sleep will cure it. When I was a recovery driver I experienced what most parents would experience in terms of how really tired feels. Falling asleep after 26 hours work to be woken up after 10 mins to have to go to a broken down car that needs to be recovered 200 miles. I really do know what tiredness feels like. Fatigue however is very very different.

When your treatment finishes , people think it’s over for the person who was fighting. That they are all of a sudden when you here the words ‘remission’ or ‘cured’ that all of a sudden the side effects disappear and the fatigue disappears and we are all of a sudden well and fighting fit. Some people do not even realise what true tiredness really is. See fatigue is like a restriction, it’s like walking in mud, or treacle. Not that I have ever walked in treacle but I know how the spoon responds to it. Mud slows us right down and makes progress more of an effort.

Fatigue, makes everything a huge effort, it takes joy from your life even makes you feel low and down trodden which I always choose to be above. I choose everyday to do as apposed to wallowing in self pity because I have not the strength to get through a day. Fatigue is a really heavy rucksack full of lead on your back, it makes you want to cry. It makes you respond irrationally even. I have been careful to not respond with a knee jerk reaction, but to be considered in how I respond and not quickly. It’s difficult to get someone to understand how you feel, frustrating even that people think that there is nothing wrong with you.

How I turn things around in my mind is to listen to my surroundings, and thank God that I am at least alive. Even though the pain is so great that walking is a problem sometimes. Generally late at night or early in the morning is when it’s worst. I want people to understand what fatigue is, what true loss of energy is. Even typing sometimes is an effort, like your arms are in mud it’s that hard to move them sometimes.

When I was in hospital I said to Andie, I hope what’s left of me is enough for you, I hope the drugs don’t take to much of me. I also said to my dad and my wife (Andie) ” It must NOT take my spirit ” what ever happened I had to hold on to my spirit because if I kept that I knew that I would always be able to be positive. That’s how I do it, my spirit is alive and strong and because of that I am able. It’s like my energy that I find in my spirit, your spirit that’s within us all is fed by things like, gratitude, thankfulness, helping others, positive thinking, and positive speech. Saying positive things when we don’t want to keeps your spirit full. That was what I clung onto for dear life, the spirit of who I am. Fatigue can do what it likes, but it will never take my spirit, people die when they lose their will to survive. That comes from the spirit within you, the power that comes from deep within us. We all have it because we are made in the image of God, it like a flame within us that we have to keep burning, some call it our inner strength. Say I can, and I will. Things happen then, but even so it’s far harder with fatigue holding you back, the foggy swamp is like a demon holding you back.

That is what fatigue is like, I hope this helps some of you to understand it better. And reassures some of you who suffer it.

Fonz

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Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Carling cup final, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 31 Comments

What we think in our mind is what we will be.

25 Thursday Feb 2016

Tags

become, believe, Cancer stories, health, hope, love, wealth

In our minds eye we have a picture of what will be, what we can achieve. Where we think our abilities will take us, what we think we are capable in our lives. Who we can and can’t be in this world, we have an idea that restricts us instead of encouraging us.
So by having the thoughts you have as to what you can achieve do you understand that that is the very thing that restricts you from becoming more. I have this approach in life ‘if he can, I can’ I used to be passionate about maybe being wealthy, you know the posh house, nice car holiday home ect.

Life is not like that anymore, I have changed. My life has changed, I now realise the one thing that makes us happy, and it’s not money or things. It’s contentment, it’s peace, it’s the planet, the creation God has made all around me that matters. The smile on my wife’s face when the dog does something funny. The warmth in my heart that comes from knowing that no matter what happens God loves us.
I so have not been happy having to have this horrendous fight, but the fight has given me many things. It’s shown me the value of life, not things. It’s given me friendships. It’s given me a new perspective on life, people and what truly matters in this life we live. Only we have learnt to dislike people, only we have learnt that different races are different things. Our parents and the news taught us that, I personally think we all bleed the same colour and it matters not what their religious beliefs are.

What ever you see in your mind will be, at the start of my fight with cancer I believed I would win, and I did win. I won because I believed it and so many other people believed it around the world, which is why they prayed.
YOU can be what ever you want to be in this world, it’s you that will or won’t realise your dream. But don’t ever forget what’s really important, family, creation and the very people that care about you every day. We came into this world with nothing and will leave with nothing. That’s a fact. I leave you with this last thought.
It does not matter what you do after someone is gone, what truly matters is what you do in their life. What you say is worthless without a physical out working of what you say.
Fonz
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Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

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Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Carling cup final, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 36 Comments

Saving a dogs life.

24 Wednesday Feb 2016

Tags

bone, dog, dog bone, hope, love, Pets, poorly, vets, woof

This is a picture of a bone next to my forefinger to give you an idea of size. Our dog faith did not hold anything down she was constantly sick. After 24 hours of this and no temp and no change in personality. I turned her upside down manipulating her tummy area. I did the same facing away from me about 10 mins later she was sick and this bone came up. We can only think this was wedged in her stomach with no contact with the acids that are so good at dissolving the bones dogs eat. I am telling you this as just possibly other dogs lives will be saved with similar symptoms.
Our (puppy we call her) faith is now well and herself again.

If you think it’s worth sharing so other owners can do the same with their pooches then please share.
Faith says she no longer feels woof….

Fonz

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Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

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Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Carling cup final, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 39 Comments

Problems are opportunities for solutions to happen

22 Monday Feb 2016

Tags

attitude, belief, happiness, hope, love, outlook, perseverance, positivity

I might be a bit strange in my approach to problems, as I get pleasure out of solving them. I don’t see some problems as an issue I see them as a challenge even fun sometimes. Let’s look at today for instance, all of our village have problems with no electricity. Everything is down due to overload of the Stone Age electrical components. So of course in my mind I am thinking about saving our suckling pig that’s in the freezer and the meat that’s in there. Making sure my wife’s laptop has power so she can continue to work from home. Then last but not least making sure we have entertainment Tv and lighting in the living room.

It’s now 7pm and everyone on the street is in candal light, but we have a generator outside with two exstention leads one into the conservatory and one into the living room where we have a log fire for heat. The one in the conservatory has a kettle attached to it aswell as the freezer and drinks fridge powered. The living room has our mobile wifi attached to it so we can stay in touch with the outside world. In fact it’s the one I had when I was in hospital so I could get my blog out to you.

It gives me a lot of pleasure to have solutions tonight providing something that a massive electricity supplier could not. Again I think it’s our attitude to issues that matters, if we have a positive outlook and good people around us. We seem to be able to make things happen that otherwise would not be possible. All it took was a phone call to a friend to ask if I could borrow his generator and connect my exstention leads into a double plug I put on the end of the plug socket. The only person that restricts what is possible in life I believe is you.

I went into the supermarket for some rolls for tea and ended up talking to a lady that needed hot water for her tropical fish. I found out her adress and was able to take them some water heated in a kettle to maybe save the lives of the fish they had. You CAN do anything if you want to, the only person standing in the way of that is you.

I am sat here writing this with a smile and although it’s tomorrows blog it will go out early for your pleasure. I hope you have a great week. Also that this post has a positive effect in your own life.

Fonz

Follow me, I will follow back. 😊
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Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

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Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Carling cup final, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 19 Comments

Encouraging bloggers.

22 Monday Feb 2016

Tags

bloggers, blogging, cancer, chemotheropy, cured, encouraging, faith, hope, illness, love, radio, terminal

This weeks bloggers I love.
http://Wordpress.hugsnblessings.com 
Dawn Marie is a Godly lady and is someone who always has something positive to say. She is not a person you will find drawn into negative conflicts about anyone, she sees everyone as souls. As a consequence she has nothing but kindness to give to all people. I totally respect her and am happy to call her my friend.
http://heidihjort.com 
recommended
http://alphawhiskeyfoxtrot.com/
Saying its one of the kindest blogs she had ever seen. So of course I had to add it.
I will always add blogs people recommend because if you like what they do then so will others.
http://dreambigdreamofter.wordpress.com
Danny shares people’s links everyday, he is a caring man himself and while he suffers himself daily, he has always got Time for others. People like this are rare in life and although I have our Danny forwards before he has shown support that I have seen this week to..

These people I want to recommend as this weeks bloggers that encourage others that are not out for themselves. The world needs more people like this, please contact me if you think there is someone that should go in next week.
Fonz

Follow me, I will follow back. 😊
http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

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Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.

Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Carling cup final, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 9 Comments

Thank you.

21 Sunday Feb 2016

Tags

cancer, faith, hope, human, kindness, love, Ronnie, snooker, stories, Thanks

I will never forget the rocky film 4 when Adrian says to Rocky as he is about to fight the Russian. I cried when she said the words “YOU CANT WIN” that’s what the world would have me believe sat in this room in isolation. This is now day 4 and day 5 is approaching. The strength I am getting from the Cancer stories is amazing, and amazing how much strength others are getting from it to. You to could be part of it as this cruel bone marrow transplant takes place.

I remember as a small boy, I really wanted a bike but I was only 4. My prayer to God was “I believe I will get a bike thank you God for my bike” I got that bike with solid tyres a few days later. Another prayer I prayed was “Lord I know why you made the blackberries they taste great, but I don’t understand why you made the prickles. Life is like that isn’t it. It’s full of prickles, but also beauty and it’s down to us to look past the Prickles and see the good in every aspect of life.
I Will beat this, why. Because I want to win, and I have an army behind me called Cancer stories on Facebook, and an army of people praying for me all around the world. These people are all winners, people that believe in human kindness and stay away from negativity. We are warriors, encourages, and all these things bring freedom and success. Make that step in any situation it’s so much easier to make the next. We just gotta have faith and step forward.

That was a small part I wrote in hospital on day 4 May 19th 2015

Today is 21st Feb 2016 that means I have written everyday now for 9 months, it was interesting reading what I had written back then. I was in a dangerous place, I had no idea though how many people wanted me to win the fight, I felt proud to have the few on my side that there were. But I went in to see Christine and Ian at the fruit and veg shop on Coe lane yesterday. As they spoke to me celebrating my triumph against cancer, she told me how they had first come to hear about me. She went on to say how my mum had gone in there and asked if they would pray for me, asked that they would pray for me to be healed. That is in my eyes “faith” because the bible says “faith without works is dead” in other words. There has to be an action that goes with faith.

This post is to say THANK YOU. For praying for me, for asking people to pray for me, for encouraging me and many others on cancerstories. Thank you for believing that God would hear your prayers. Thank you for believing my life is for a reason and has a purpose.

This post is for you, because you are who you are. No one wants you to change, you were made the way you are. Be amazed that you have life, we won’t always understand why there are prickles in our lives. But the blackberries taste wonderful when they are ripe. But you don’t get them without the prickles.

Have a great day and thank you for being you

Fonz

Follow me, I will follow back. 😊
http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

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Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.

Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Carling cup final, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 26 Comments