Time to think!

Hello – how are you ? I hope your well! I hope your seeing light and not darkness! I feel compelled to write tonight! My wife is in America right now. It’s Lonely home alone although the dogs are very loving it’s not the same at all. It’s amazing how much your soul mate can give you strength!

This time of year is not my favourite. Car runs stop and the days are short. The fires on every night and it feels bad in my body as the nerve pain gets worse and worse everyday.

Yet whilst all that is true I still look for the positives. Life, nature, even in the cold there are nice things to be found. I have had to accept as a person that I suffer from depression and some days just getting up is the victory!

So I find myself reflecting on the great times we have had this year. The runs in the cars have been epic and this year is the most I have ever run in 1 year. Although I had a responsibility to the TVR car club that took a lot of time. But now I have a role that’s just 1 region. It’s been difficult for me to accept it’s just one location I am now involved in. Lots of friends were made along the way and I certainly feel it was positive in the main.

I am a passionate person and don’t do anything lightly I just throw myself in and find out as I move forwards what is needed or not. I have been thinking a lot and the darkness has tried to get the better of me everyday! Feeling emotion and choices have all been cogitations!

For us all we have to rise up everyday! One thing I always say is “there can be no darkness if you shine a light there. Unless like me you drive an old TVR those lights don’t seem to be any better than candles. You do see what I am saying though!

This world we live in has so much to offer, we need to embrace each day and realise that when the sun shines tomorrow it’s a new opportunity to be a better you. An improved you! A you that remembers even if we look back the only thing we can change is “the future” you really can. You alone have the power to be a better you tomorrow.

Who ever said there is no tomorrow is right. But today is yesterday’s tomorrow so not true in it’s entirety.

It’s time to glance at the past but not look at it. I realise it has a place – looking back should be to help you remember the mistakes to show you how far you have come. Remember your life is only yours. Take control and don’t let anyone tell you your worth because only you can choose that in your new today.

I hope your well and I hope you feel encouraged by this post.

Peace out world. Choose better lights.

Fonzy

The new TVR

Here’s Why 2022 Could Be A New Beginning For TVR

BY ROBBO

PUBLISHED 1 DAY AGO

TVR has had its fair share of problems over the years but is their luck about to change next year with the new Griffith?

Source: TVR

For this is a carmaker that has produced some of the most exciting high-performance two-seaters in the world, a company that has painstakingly hand crafted its gorgeous vehicles with skilled engineers, while building cars with one single goal in mind, fun.

TVR is an extraordinary company that has chosen not to pitch its wares against the 1.8-liter coupes and compact sports convertibles from Europe, that are so prevelant now on our roads. But one that has retained its focus on what can only be described as ‘Big Boys Toys’! Its given us some proper sports cars, loaded with big V8 engines, substantial brakes, and heavy steering.

Jeremy Clarkson once said: “Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear, I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would. One day, it would pull your head off”.

TVR’s Humble Beginning

Via: Wikimedia Commons

It all started in a small workshop in Blackpool, England, back in 1946, when a young 23-year-old, ex-apprentice motor engineer, named Trevor Wilkinson setup his own car repair business called Trevcar Motors. A year later, Trevor changed the company name to TVR engineering (an abbreviation of his name), kick-starting the iconic brand that today, we all know and love.

The young engineer had a vision for the company, and much like Dr. Frankenstein, he wanted to create his own living, breathing monster. A car of his own making. So he started sourcing vehicle components and stitching one together, even using an old rev counter from a WW2 Spitfire aircraft for his first creation.

What followed is a catalog of wonderful sports cars, stripped-down speed machines with beautiful curves that make up for what they lack in safety features with amazing acceleration, beautiful sounds and endless amounts of pleasure.

But, behind this iconic carmaker’s fabulous slew of cars is a remarkable story. A heart-rending tale that describes the roller-coaster journey of a struggling business, full of amazing highs and desperately unfortunate lows.

The company first went bankrupt in 1962, was reformed as TVR cars in 1963, then fell into liquidation again soon after, and it was saved from oblivion in 1965. Then, in the late ’70s, it hit financial trouble again, but also managed to scrape through. It’s heyday was between 1981 and 2004 (the Wheeler-era), when it really did produce some absolutely gorgeous V8 monsters. But with a new Russian owner onboard in 2004, it hit rock bottom once more, and since then its production lines have laid dormant.

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But now the company is finally back in the game. Revived by a consortium led by the entrepeneur, Les Edgar. And today they have a promising new car, the all-new Griffith. The question that’s on everyone’s lips is:- Can the new car deliver future success for the ailing British car maker? Success that it so desperately needs and deserves.

So lets take a closer look at the much-awaited, all-new TVR Griffith…

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RELATED: The Evolution Of TVR’s Sports Cars, In Pictures

A New Start: The All-New TVR Griffith

Via: TVR

During its development the company was asked about the specification of the new Griffith, and they said that it has to be:-

“British in every way, true to TVR’s DNA and heritage, V8, front-engined with manual transmission & rear wheel drive and a two seat coupe/convertible that’s breathtaking in appearance and performance”.

It’s now four years since the first prototype was revealed and specifications are still, understandably, changing. But the new car is likely to be loaded with a 5.0-liter V8 Ford Cosworth tuned engine, similar to the units in the Mustang.

Gone is the fiber glass body, much of it replaced by a carbon fiber composite to keep the car’s weight down (between 1200-1300 kgs) and help launch the new Griffith from zero to sixty in under 4.0 seconds, and deliver a top speed of 200 mph.

Improvements to safety (something TVR has historically lacked) are promised too :

“Employing a full ground-effect aerodynamic package to deliver outstanding stability and handling capabilities, the new TVR has been designed and engineered with driver focused performance and safety as its main priority”. (Source: TVR)

Much like its predecessors, the new car, with its cool new side exhausts and burbling V8 engine, sounds great.

Its revolutionary ‘Ground Effect’ technology descends straight from F1 car design, and TVR say :

“The use of side exhausts allows a flat floor configuration generating downforce by channeling the airflow along the underside of the vehicle to suck it towards the road. By employing ground effect in the new car’s design, TVR has ensured it remains unflinchingly stable at high speeds while delivering exceptional handling and cornering capabilities”.

Via: TVR

Les Edgar and his team have done a tremendous job with this new car, sticking to their promise of retaining TVR’s true DNA, yet providing something fresh, innovative, and awesome to look at.

After a successful Goodwood unveiling, the new Griffith was due to roll off the company’s production lines in 2018. However, delays with the new assembly plant in Wales and the Coronavirus pandemic have unfortunately stalled production of this much-awaited car.

The company is now aiming for a 2022 launch of the all-new Griffith.

So how does the future look for TVR?

RELATED: Why The TVR Sagaris Was An Underrated British Sports Car

There’s A Bright Future Ahead For TVR With The 2022 Griffith

Via: TVR

It’s rumored that the carmaker has already secured a healthy set of deposits for the all-new Griffith and that there is a long waiting list of loyal TVR owners queuing up for it, which is great news.

Les Edgar is quoted saying :

“It’s no secret that this project has turned out to be tougher than we expected and has taken longer, but we’re all still completely dedicated to building a sustainable sports car business. Many of the delays have been caused by problems beyond our control.” (Source: Autocar)

TVR has made it clear that they don’t want the car’s price-tag to rise above $138,000 and that they intend to follow a similar business model to their key rival, Porsche, which will see them offer a variety of new Griffith models with different engines and trim-levels.

Once in the showroom, the new Griffith be competing with the likes of Aston Martin’s V8 Vantage, Porsche’s 911 and Jaguar’s F-Type, stiff competition indeed for this Welsh newcomer.

However, at TVR, and amongst its loyal fan-base, the current mood is positive. Les Edgar is passionate about the brand and he has a clear, fresh, new vision for the company, supported by a bold set of plans for the future. And, after all its past ups and downs, the company is stable right now, under his leadership. Thankfully, the new modernised assembly plant does appear to be receiving all of the required funding, even from the Welsh government.

But, it’s the new car that’s going to shape the short-term future of this enduring company. And the new Griffith is without doubt a very competitive, high quality product. It is more technologically advanced than any previous TVR model and it clearly looks like it is about to follow in the footsteps of its predecessors, with superb looks, great handling and blistering performance.

This all bodes well for a company that has really suffered over the years and hasn’t seen a new car roll off its production line for nearly a decade.

But there’s one thing that TVR has clearly proved and that is – that it’s a survivor!

Dozens of British car companies have sadly perished since the 1950’s, but this courageous little outfit, which is a huge part of Britain’s motoring heritage, has bravely managed to soldier through.

For TVR the next twelve months will be crucial, and there will likely be further problems as the new car goes into full production. But judging by TVR’s past history and its innate ability to deal with adversity, this iconic British brand has more than demonstrated that it has the grit, tenacity and determination to overcome whatever challenges are put in front of it. We can’t wait to see the new car on the streets soon, let’s all raise a glass to ‘New Beginnings’. Roll on 2022!

Here’s to hoping this article is true.

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Instagram @dogrupher

@fonzymark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Copyright ©2021

Inspirational people.

Tags

attitude, cancer, facebook, happiness, health, hope, love, Martin house, raise awareness, survivor, tvrcc, twitter

Good morning – here we are again it’s Tuesday. Preparing for the biggest event I have organised. But how was it born, how was our “By eck it’s Yorkshire “ trip inspired. So many of you know I have a daily fight with pain and pushing back the tears is sometimes the only victory I have in a day. I don’t feel sorry for myself I just want to do good in the world. When I met my now friend Richard Sails he was determined to get me to help out in the TVRCC Lancashire region. Being a dyslexic I was concerned about it but I did see it as an opportunity to bless people. After all I don’t feel pain whilst driving my TVR.

So one of the first runs I organised was one to the Lake District to Kirkstone pass and onto Pooley Bridge. On the trip we stopped at Sizergh Castle. I wanted to talk to everyone and as I made my way down the 10 cars I saw my friend Ian. We had been cyber friends for some years and passed each other on events like out TVRCC “Thrills in the hills” event in 2017. The only year prior to this I was a member.

As I spoke to Ian he got out of his car and took a wheel chair out of his boot. As I looked around I could not see a passenger. He proceeded to put on his gloves and sit in the chair and whizz himself to the cafe. I was overwhelmed and could not hold back a tear. He inspired me to do something to help someone or some body of people where ever we run.

It was still a thought process. But him being from Yorkshire along with another inspiring Man and friend of mine. He would not like me to say his name. But Nick is one of those people also that moves forwards what ever life throws. Inspirational and strong!

We did the Rhyl run and in brief wore crazy shirts to support a member lost to cancer. Indeed inspirational themselves. Pam Jeffrey did a lot for others too and even in days before she passed was determined to walk a hill.

On this trip organised by Ian Millington and his son James I saw Ian and Nick again. All the way from the east coast. I had to do something I had to do something closer to them. Which brings me to my friend Derrick who had talked to me earlier in the year about how his son passed away which got my train of thought going as to how to help people like that in the future.

So driving home from Rhyl tired and unable to do any kind of speeds up to the limit of the road, it was slow and I stopped 4 times as the pain I felt would not dissipate. I dearly would have loved to have said something there and made stronger friendships but I knew I was out of steam so headed home. My thoughts were only of how to do something over on the east coast. So they were in their own back garden so to speak so we would make the effort and come over to them.

Little did I know what it would turn into. My friend Rick found Martin house. I made contact with them and we were able to do an event supporting them. I have set my goal high and intend to raise £10000 but maybe it’s a bridge to far but better than doing nothing right. So we are doing a raffle and auctioning some prizes off.

We will be putting smiles on people’s faces and will be doing it all in aid of Martin House in Boston spa. What a privilege to be able to do this. To have the vehicles and “TVRCC “ to accomplish this. So many kind people have helped and I owe a lot to them. Many thanks to you all the Lake District break donated by Mr Rackham, wheels donated by Stuart, racing instruction at Knock hill. Born from seeming negativity.

The Jewellery by “Jo Pratsides Jewellery”

Life’s so precious Sam Pearce-Warrilow has donated a photograph session

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Phots-Shoot-Pro-Photography-In-Aid-Of-Martin-House-Childrens-Charity-/384361150089?mkcid=16&mkevt=1&_trksid=p2349624.m46890.l49286&mkrid=710-127635-2958-0

The wheels donated

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/TVR-Tuscan-20-Wheels-Used-Low-Profile-Tyres-/384356811820?mkcid=16&mkevt=1&_trksid=p2349624.m46890.l49286&mkrid=710-127635-2958-0

A driving tuition day

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Track-Day-Tuition-In-Your-Own-Car-Proffessional-Race-Car-Tutor-/384358623173?mkcid=16&mkevt=1&_trksid=p2349624.m46890.l49286&mkrid=710-127635-2958-0

Autoglym have donated and many many other people including Richard Irons.

People complain about dust, about things that don’t matter. What truly matters is loving people and while you can’t forget your pains it’s good to talk about anything that bothers you and if the person chooses to walk away that’s up to them. Doing your best is what counts. Doing and not complaining. Giving and not counting the cost.

Going forwards I aim to only look forwards and bless people where I can I mean why stop. So many more people will be blessed by this club next few years and I consider it a privilege to be involved.

If your unable to come to the event on the 4th September please do share this post. Please bless people with this post and help us to raise as much money as possible.

God bless you all and I hope this finds you well

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Instagram @dogrupher

@fonzymark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Everything you read, are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. People share

with others, if it meant something to you, it will to some

one else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own taken whilst creating memories every day. Some pictures taken by enthusiasts on the day.

You could change a life by sharing this post!

Will you?

Copyright ©2021

Bullet proof, or just human.

Tags

encouragement, hope, love, Martinhousecc, tvrcc, tvrnorthengland

In life we face all kinds of situations, some are amazing, some sad, some are upsetting and so on. But one thing I have realised in my continued fight is not everyone will understand what you have been through or what you are going through.

The secret I think is to always find the good. As a friend of mine says. “It’s good to be good” wealthy or otherwise it makes no odds we all have the power to be good. To be nice to be positive, to be kind and caring. Not everyone will like it as some love to fight.

For me it’s about the giving, the loving the generosity and seeing the smile is all I need. If your going through something, it’s not wrong for someone not to get it. For me it’s chronic pain that nobody can see. I find whilst experiencing it ALL the time that you can’t feel it whilst doing something that makes you happy.

Really, I am not joking! You can’t feel pain whilst driving a car that makes you feel good. For example my TVR it’s my happy place. Of course it only masks it for a time but it’s better than any pain killer I have had. Joy also has the same affect. Joy on someone’s face makes me feel a feeling that is not describable . Positivity spreads and is infectious like negatively is also. But we choose which one we live by.

No matter what I will always choose to love over hate. Another thing my friend says is “wales never fails” the same as love “perfect love casts out all fear” why choose to live a life that’s not positive. What is there to gain after all I have enough negativity with out choosing to accept it into my life on top of my condition.

Life’s tough for us all. Without exception. Choosing love is a precious way to live. Helping someone across a road. Finding something positive to say. Building people up are all things I want to do with my life.

One thing I am doing in September is to do an auction for a charity that needs help. I have put it out there and a few people in a short time have given to the cause. People from all over the place. My new friend John, Rick, Heath, Dan, jo, Sam, Nick, Ian, Richard to name a few that have given donations to raise funds for the cause and we have not even got started yet.

The TVRCC is full of amazing people willing to help., people are being so generous and the family’s will have huge smiles put on their faces when they see us drive by them. What a gift to be able to have fun whilst helping others. To be able to help people with what you have available to you.

When I bought my car, the doctors gave me weeks to live without treatment and here we are 10 years later. Giving is a most precious way to live and I will continue to do this till the day I die. My journey is one of giving, one of blessing others. One of mistakes also, but no ones perfect right. I most definitely am not. But to do your best to bless someone everyday is the right way for me to live.

You won’t truly understand unless you experience hardship, or life’s struggles have an effect on your body. You only truly empathise with another when you have faced trials of your own. Love is the right way for me. Unconditional love casts out all fear. Only that can come from being able to get rid of that which weighs you down. Remember The https://fonzandcancer.wordpress.com/2015/06/08/164/. Garbage truck

We have to let go of things that weigh us down. Choose to dump them I say.

Enjoy the rest of your day

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Instagram @dogrupher

@fonzymark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Everything you read, are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. People share

with others, if it meant something to you, it will to some

one else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own taken whilst creating memories every day. Some pictures taken by enthusiasts on the day.

You could change a life by sharing this post!

Will you?

Copyright ©2021

Friends are precious

Tags

friends, hope, love, together

It’s amazing this life that we have, made more colourful by the friendships we make. I want to encourage you all today. I want you to know some of my thoughts. Some of my findings in this wonderful tapestry we call life.

• 

Today I woke and the low mood I felt before I went to sleep was still prevalent. I didn’t want to walk as I normally do. My mood was one of a deep unhappiness, (reasons don’t need to be aired here) when we feel that way there is only one person that can help you up right? Yourself. No one can help you to stand with a straight back and hold your head up high.

How wrong I am! We all need a little help from our friends and I made myself go for a walk with my girlfriend and made myself eat my own words. To go and empty my head of all that was negative. To throw it in the river in my mind. “River Douglas” in my case. We had a great talk and walk we smiled chatted and gave each other a smile.

Something that’s priceless is to encourage someone else.

Before I went I looked through my phone for people I had not messaged in a while “friends not family” they are the family we choose. Let me tell you there are people in your phone that want to spend time with you and all you need to do is press the green button. Make a call and ask how they are. Not only will they appreciate it but trust me it will lift you yourself.

This pandemic has made us all be exclusive and separate from each other. We all feel the same you know. Your not alone in how it’s made you feel. We all have been through the same. So I want to challenge you today. To go to your message list and scroll to the ones you have not contacted in a year. To relight the fire, ask after them and make them realise that your still here and give them that special gift of a smile. A feeling like no other to make someone else smile.

Great friend

Life’s not about things, life’s about loving others, giving not taking. Blessing not cursing. It’s about helping others and not taking from others. Life’s precious and what we say or do for people makes a big difference.

• 

By eck

Be that friend, pick up the phone and make someone’s day and please do let me know how that went for you. Remember it’s you that can be a blessing. It’s your choice and I hope you do and and are the special person I know you are.

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Instagram @dogrupher

@fonzymark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Everything you read, are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. People share

with others, if it meant something to you, it will to some

one else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own taken whilst creating memories every day. Some pictures taken by enthusiasts on the day.

You could change a life by sharing this post!

Will you?

Copyright ©2021

Are you being punished in pain!

Tags

cancer, Compassion, Goodness, hope, strength

It’s 7pm and I am leaking again the pain is unbearable like having glass wounds all over the soles of my feet and hands not even my positive thinking is helping today . Feelings of negativity have flooded me again. It’s so hard to shun some days. Needing pain killers for an invisible condition no body sees. Yet still I continue to move forward to encourage and do my best. That seems absolutely fruitless some days.

• 

Our dogs waiting for dad to come home.

I actually feel crushed. Such a positive person with so much to give should be slammed down like this. It’s hard to bare and wonder some days why the hell I had my treatment. Thoughts then turn to positive things.

You have to do your best to draw yourself back.

Thoughts of gratefulness and words said by a then near stranger “you maybe loud but your positivity and happiness is great and makes me smile”

The person does not need a name he knows. The point is that what you speak to others can be a blessing. Just one sentence can help to maintain your spirits and to help you Re focus.

So I want to say, if you think it and it can have a positive effect on others please please say what it is. It could be the foothold someone needs. You only truly know the true value of life when you have faced losing it.

It’s very cruel people can be treated then left with severe side effects for life. Yea I guess I am feeling sorry for myself a bit. Yet I am still doing my best to rise. Success for some would be to walk up stairs to others to rent a penthouse. Well for me it’s smiles on faces.

I am very privileged to know so many quality people.

What ever it is you do in your day. Make sure you say the words that will bless someone it really really does matter. just say it and choose to bless someone.

Your pain is a reminder your alive.

God bless you all and remember “ your more than what you have become”

Mark

https://youtu.be/MN3x-kAbgFU

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Instagram @dogrupher

@fonzymark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Everything you read, are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. People share

with others, if it meant something to you, it will to some

one else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own taken whilst creating memories every day. Some pictures taken by enthusiasts on the day.

You could change a life by sharing this post!

Will you?

Copyright ©2021

Peaks to the beach TVRCC run. Our memorial run for Pam Jeffries.

Tags

#rhyleventsandactivities, #tvrinmotion, #tvrridesout, achieve, awareness, Compassion, faith, raise awareness, survived, survivor, transplant, tvr

Well how can I help you to understand the beauty of unity within a club. Many times since I have been a member of our club, I have had to pinch myself at the thrills this community provides; for other communities as well as our own.

A T350 popping through the tunnels

Yesterday was our run to the beach at Rhyl seafront. It was not just amazing to see all the cars together but to be seen in so many locations by so many people. The internet has been alight since we all parked up at Rhyl .

View from a Tuacan of my car.

I am reminded often being part of this wonderful group of people that where there is unity God COMMANDS a blessing. Many many people were blessed yesterday. Which fills me with a wonderful joy and gratefulness. If you believe or not the fact remains that where there is unity there will always be blessings.

New friends made that will last a lifetime.

We as a club are passionate about our cars and Life.

Meeting friends

• 

Picking up the new old Chimarea

Pam was sadly taken by an aggressive cancer and we all felt it was a great tribute to her and her life as Pam visited the Ponderosa a lot. Pam loved to drive there and did often. Wonderful to be where Pam had been on our TVRCC event. “Peaks to the beach” and to hug her husband in a truly emotional meeting. Where they both spent so many happy hours with her family.

Rolling through the hills in Dave’s Tuscan

• 

• 

• 

The cars were seen roaring through the welsh countryside and burbling through villages and open spaces putting smiles upon smiles on people’s faces. It’s such a joy to be a part of something so special and to be accepted by others if your car cost £5000 or £100000 we all have 1 thing in common. Our cars rough or perfect your welcomed. No one looks down on anyone. It’s a beautiful thing.

Louis our budding photographer

Our aim as a club is to help people in their situations what ever they are and to give the gift of joy. To enthuse younger people that the brand is something to be proud of and put smiles on faces.

• 

• 

• 

• 

So we thank you Rhyl for hosting us and proving us with great food on the prom and hope to be back next year. Unless of course you would like to see us again this year. Have a great evening everyone and thank you all for. A fabulous day.

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Instagram @dogrupher
@fonzymark
Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Everything you read, are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. People share
with others, if it meant something to you, it will to some
one else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own taken whilst creating memories every day. Some pictures taken by enthusiasts on the day.

You could change a life by sharing this post!
Will you?
Copyright ©2021

Rhyly good to see you all.

We can’t wait to see you again.

The link for donations

https://www.justgiving.com/remember/883236/Pam-Jeffery?fbclid=IwAR3GzcPWDI_1AGnRR2uiFnAZkpT_Aj7qgGw7LdjXDpKSlEBYs0yANaSuqHM

Erase run out

Tags

attitude, awareness, cancer, destiny, encouragement, family, friends, GOD, health, hope, strength, struggle, tvr, weakness

Strange start to a blog you may think. Well there is quite a story to it. When I was having my Bone marrow transplant in hospital, I could see the sea; from the big window I was able to see the city and New Brighton beach, where we went today. I even saw the ships that met up at the Mersey from my window. It looked out to New Brighton. A place I had never been or wanted to go to, until the time spent in that room. Me and my wife had to drive to Liverpool many many times and there were until today a lot of bad memories associated with the journey to Liverpool from where we live, and even shed a tear most times we had to take the drive. I wanted to erase the memories somehow so sometime ago me and my wife visited New Brighton, and while it was lovely to go with my wife and dogs, it never erased the memories because I did not have anything different to look at outside the car. So I came up with a plan and called it (in my mind) “The Erase Run”.

My plan was to erase the bad memories by making new ones. Knowing I had been in some very dark places, and that so much of the journey to New Brighton would be so symbolic of the whole journey.

Nearly 10 years ago we went to a TVR meet in Wrightington and sat next to some lovely people. They said they looked forward to meeting me again when I had finished my treatment. Little did I know that that day was today! Nearly 10 years later or maybe a bit less, that we were to meet again.

The “White elephant”; there has to be a blog written about that car in the future, by me that is. What a car! That was the car the couple were working to bring back to life. Hearing that car in the Wallasey tunnel was memorable and then later Mr H’s T 350 Banging and popping in the tunnel. I wonder what it looked like behind with those 4 cars flanking the tunnel.

As we drove the roads became driven on less frequently and the memories of the many trips up that road to the Royal Liverpool started to come back. I even shed a tear as we turned off the main road where I would normally continue to the hospital but veered off to the tunnel turn off. Every mile we were making new memories in the tapestry of life and I felt the bad memories were being over written by new LOUD ones. I am obsessed with V8 engines; something you can’t get from all car followings.

My passion for big engines, goes back a long way. Even as a young man I saw a car the same as mine go past on the motorway and remember it as though it was yesterday; igniting my passion for TVRs. We all have a passion and TVRs are mine. Well actually more than that, the sound of a big V8 I find unrivalled

We drove through to the sea and after a great breakfast in Costa Coffee, Howie was insistent we go and see the sea. The cranes I saw from my window were there, yet I felt the whole morning had just removed some pretty horrible memories and overwritten them with new ones. It’s funny because it was a different perspective completely. I could see where we walk the dogs. Crosby where the iron men are, even the tip as Formby starts where we have been so often. It really does depend on the angle you look at things as to how you see things and while I have never been able to remove the bad memories and have had so many nightmares about the whole process, I really do feel it’s now time to move away. Walk away and roar away from the whole thing. But is it? Has not the whole process made me who I am today?

The point of this blog, is I decided to have treatment; to make myself better and that choice has encouraged and helped people all over the world. Although the memories hurt, if I had not made that decision to get well, then and only then could that investment of time and healing and pain bring me to the day I had today. No way would today have meant so much if I had just chosen not to get the life saving treatment that I chose.

Trust me it’s far better to choose to help yourself, than to be the same today as you were last week. Only you can make the choice to be a better you and while it’s 5 years on since that treatment was given to me, it’s still affected me and others due to that decision. Not every decision you make will be painless and for sure there has been hurt, pain, anxiety and pure dogged determination. Whilst I still don’t know who I want to be, I do know I want to help people in their lives moving forwards.

You have the power to bless people, and all you have to do is to take a step forwards. Believe you will improve and be a better you than you were!

You are more than what you have become! Keep moving forwards; you never know who you will bless and who you will help in your life if you choose to make a better you. Of course with Gods help we can affect peoples lives with the love that comes only from our Father.

You have your destiny in your hands, you have the ability to bless people and you have an opportunity to do that every day.

Be a blessing!

Will you? Because if you choose to be the better you you can always make new memories in the future. its in your hands. But i hope you choose the pain if you come out the other side of that tunnel a better person. No one said it will be easy. To be honest the saying “No pain no gain” is so true. bless you each and every one for being there in the tunnel and remember there will always be light if you keep on going.

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Instagram @dogrupher

@fonzymark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Everything you read, are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. People share

with others, if it meant something to you, it will to some

one else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own taken whilst creating memories every day.

You could change a life by sharing this post!

Will you?

Beyond the Hungered Canvass

Beyond the Hungered Canvass

https://visionofpoets.wordpress.com/2020/05/25/beyond-the-hungered-canvass/
— Read on visionofpoets.wordpress.com/2020/05/25/beyond-the-hungered-canvass/

It’s good to talk!

Tags

attitude, awareness, black, cancer, encouragement, F1, faith, family, health, kravitz, racism, strength, Ted, transplant, tvr, weakness

Good day to you, it’s July 4th today; Independence day in the US. If that’s you. Happy Independence Day! July 4th in the UK will be the day remembered that pubs were allowed to open in the UK during the Covid-19 pandemic.

One thing that’s taken some getting used to for me, writing posts like Its ok to not be ok, is talking about mental health. I am fortunate to have friends that accept me for who I am and don’t want to change me. It makes me feel safe to talk about my feelings. I am learning everyday that we are all not talking about things and recently I have decided to talk and indeed have talked to people I feel I can trust. I am surprised to find that one of my friends said such a poignant sentence to me. He does that, and it’s a real privilege to have him in my close circle of friends. He says things that are meaningful and honest. I can’t stand folk that speak with small amounts of knowledge. It’s far better to speak from experience than to think you know the answer. No one can take away your experiences! They are yours and yours alone.

“I prefer to listen to someone’s problems, than attend their funeral!”

Wow it was a light bulb moment. I spend my days encouraging people and loving them through their struggles. I spend time talking and being open and honest and being real. Even though I do this I understand that it’s really important to take time to yourself as well. So you can be the best you that you can be. Being effective is about looking after yourself as well as others.

YOU CAN is a powerful thing to say to anyone. It’s amazing the power you have as a human to help someone; or put them down with anything you say to them. I have people contact me from all types of backgrounds. Politicians, pundits; F1 Ted Kravitz has sent some encouraging words, as has Mark Blundell. You never know who you will affect in your life if you choose to say nothing. There are some wonderful people out there in the world. Yet yesterday was one of the worst of my life to date.

You see sometimes the way we feel is not us, it can be chemically induced, and affects your mind and some days all we can do is hold on. Just that holding on can be draining and tiresome. Yet holding on can be courageous and so much more is required to hold on than to let go. To achieve anything you have to hold on, you have to believe the storm will pass. You have to keep your head up and press on. My brother is good at this.

There is another thing the wisest man I know said to me yesterday. That storms are useful! In the bible story, where Jesus was asleep in the boat, to find the disciples waking him in a panic believing the storm would sink the boat. But Jesus put his hands out and stilled the water.

The wise man said to me after I said “These are huge waves I am riding dad” His response was

“Waves carry you forwards!”

So so true! I am not writing this to tell on all the people that help me in my life. I am attempting to encourage you, that talking is so much better than saying nothing. Us men are so proud yet you would be surprised at how many people; who have seemingly normal lives have things going on with them, that they are finding tough. Yet YOU! Yes you! Can have a positive influence on peoples lives. If you talk. If you say nothing, then how can you learn? How can you help someone. It’s only possible if we communicate with other people.

Some people hide what they feel and keep it inside and never have an effect on anyone’s life. Is that how you want to live? To only ever get from the world and never even use a wave you have ridden to affect someone in a positive way. In most of my writings I talk about how negatives need to exist so that there can be a positive. All of your experiences can be used for good if you let them. Hey no seriously I mean it ALL of them. Heck if I had not had such a bad day yesterday this post would not even exist.

“You can’t taste how sweet the sweet is, without tasting the sour!”

One sentence I said as a boy or should I say ‘prayed’ was “God I know why you made the blackberries but I don’t understand why you made the prickles. You are here to find out what this world is all about. During my cancer journey I have had to take many many drugs. Codeine, Tramadol, Gabapentin, Amitriptyline, and the one I am currently doing my best to come off of. HEROIN!! Disguised as Oxycodone!!! It messes you up when you withdraw as I am right now. Yet even as I withdraw, I am finding purity in life. In friendships, marriage, being a son. It’s all there for us all if we look.

Even being a child of God is hard sometimes. Being loving is hard sometimes. Being lonely is hard sometimes. Being positive is hard sometimes. Just hanging on is hard sometimes. But what ever you do in this life make sure that you are honest and talk to your friends. Make new ones and don’t be afraid to be yourself; people will respect you and most importantly you will be accepted for you.

Listen I have lived a fake life, been someone I am not and tried to present a me that was fake. People know! They pick up on it and they won’t be real with you either and what you get from the world will just be fake THINGS! Don’t get me wrong it’s ok to have things, as long as they don’t change who you are. My car makes me smile when I need a smile putting on my face. The people that talk to you about what they own rather than sharing what they have learnt, have not learnt what true freedom from within is all about. I want people to look back on my life and see me as an inspiration. That people that are going through something tough will read some of my writings, and feel that they can move forwards when they felt they were unable. To help people look for the positives where it seems there is none. That there is a purpose in what you’re facing right now. That only you can do what you are doing and only you can be who you are!

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Instagram @dogrupher

@fonzymark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Everything you read, are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. People share

with others, if it meant something to you, it will to some

one else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own taken whilst creating memories every day.

You could change a life by sharing this post!

Will you?

Copyright ©2020

Coming off Heroin! (Oxycodone)

Tags

attitude, cancer, destiny, encouragement, energy, hope, love, survived, transplant

Saturday 27th june 2020

Its been a horrific few days and its only just started really, for a long while i have dedicated my time to helping others in what ever situation they find themselves in. i suppose its something that’s inbred, having caring parents that always spend their time doing the same. has rubbed off on me over the years.

when you have serious procedures like a Bone marrow transplant and or chemotherapy for cancer its important to keep yourself pain free to concentrate on getting through the treatment. i realise many people will judge me for this post. but its not those people i write for. i write so people that are struggling so they can find hope, feel encouraged and believe they can carry on. illnesses are so debilitating, the pain that comes because of it can make you feel low and useless. The feelings are overwhelming for me i have even felt guilt that i am alive and even more that i am having to use drugs to cope with the pain.

My bone marrow transplant destroyed the enzyme in my body that converts codine into Morphine. So I had to take a different drug, man made to deal with my nerve pain. The important thing here for me is to see how my body is without the Drug in my body.

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Instagram @dogrupher

@fonzymark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Everything you read, are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. People share

with others, if it meant something to you, it will to some

one else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own taken whilst creating memories every day.

You could change a life by sharing this post!

Will you?

Copyright ©2020

DO NOT TAKE OXYCONTIN

Tags

attitude, cancer, encouragement, faith, heroin, life, love, OxyContin, twitter

Hello, I want to share with you today my latest battle by way of a vlog.

My bone marrow transplant destroyed the enzyme in my body that converts codine into Morphine. So I had to take a different drug, man made to deal with my nerve pain. The important thing here for me is to see how my body is without the Drug in my body.

Please share my message so others don’t end up the same way as I have.

All the best and please share this.

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Instagram @dogrupher

@fonzymark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Everything you read, are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. People share

with others, if it meant something to you, it will to some

one else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own taken whilst creating memories every day.

You could change a life by sharing this post!

Will you?

Copyright ©2020

Day +1825

Tags

Covid, encouragement, faith, friends, hope, partner, struggle, together, transplant

Day +1825

5 years since my Bone marrow transplant today.

If it was today 5 years ago i would be in hospital having my Stem cells given back to me. basically if you don’t know how that works; you have your stem cells harvested by an injection to encourage reproduction in your large flat bones, (hips and Sternum) your connected to a machine. 1mm needle in each arm, then the blood goes into a machine and is flicked. the heavy cells (stem cells) are heavier and end up in a bag. Which are then cleaned and stored in Nitrogen. You don’t have to be in remission to do this. Although a very severe chemo given to you over 3 days called ICE is administered. This is called a cycle so if you have 2 cycles its 3 days in hospital normally., per cycle. I was the second person to have it as an out patient. That in itself is severe to deal with. I vomited immediately. Having to up meds to stop sickness.

THE DOORS

You then have 7 days chemo in hospital attached to chemo nearly 24×7. that’s called BEAM. Once that’s gone in your body, your cells are given back to you called day +1. otherwise known as you re-birthday. that’s today 21/05/2020.

i have to stress at this point that all this treatment meant you had no immunity what so ever for about a week. your spaced out, angry, and feel helpless. that’s the worst for me thinking there was nothing i could do. that it was out of my control and in the hands of people i did not know, but trusted them with my life.

While I was attached to my chemo I did press ups, and walked when my wife was not there to the bathroom and back completing 3km plus every single day and a minimum of 50 press-ups a day.

So what was it like?

Personally i think it was harder for my loved ones my wife, mum dad Brother sister family and friends. it was a means to an end I set myself a goal. To get out in 3 weeks and get to 5 years. That’s today.

I wrote everyday for a whole year while i was in there I wrote once a day no matter what but sometimes more, to encourage those that may have this process in the future. I realised early on that writing would be one of the things that i could do whilst locked in that small room. Recently i have not been on my blog that much but to my surprise there has never been a day goes past, where it does not get read.

how it felt !

I don’t mind telling you, that room was hard to deal with. it was like being locked in a room but you could leave if you wanted to. but if you did you probability is vastly reduced. You leave “You will die” You have to finish. There is no option and there were times when i actually felt like i would survive if i jumped out the window. we were on the 7th floor but trust me i actually believed i could and even planned to do it. its all normal in the world of transplant though. i believe my dad when he was in hospital thought he was a Lion. drugs do funny things to people. the whole process was overwhelming. but doable .

There are so many people to thank, not least the #NHS the staff are to many to name but the oncology at Southport were the ones that saved my life. The BMT unit at the Royal Liverpool. What an amazing bunch they were. Helping people that would otherwise be dead have a new start in life.

My friends and family that called me each day and cheered me up when i was down. or wound me up. i am sure Sky chuckled right then. (He knows)

Having a BMT affects everyone involved in your life that’s for sure! you make friends that will last a lifetime. You learn so much about your health your body and how to stay healthier. drinking far more water now than ever i did. staying hydrated being the no1 thing that keeps our bodies shifting the unwanted waste from us.

The path to recovery.

one thing we loved in hospital was my mums Faith diaries part of the post above links you to it. Or here The path to recovery.

one thing i was amazed at were the acts of kindness people did. video calls from Egypt whilst losing his granparents but yet still encouraging me. the parcels my mum n dad brought up to their son. my friend the jeweller came and dropped individually wrapped fruit for my wife to bring in. my friends children sent me videos and wrote messages and made canvasses for me. nephew Josh sent in a box with a monkey, my sister sent in a box. well came to the hospital to send it. Ethan was the only nephew that saw me in there. Hi 5 Eath.

Thankyou everyone of you that were there for me/us. The kindness of my own wife’s work colleagues too. Its been amazing knowing who your true friends are.

in my mind i have seen this mile stone as the last stumbling block, the last one in believing i would be rid of cancer. i have learnt a lot during these last 9 years from my first diagnosis. i have been slow, lacking get up and go and not felt like i liked the new me.

well today is the day that i change my thinking. That my thinking should change from

“i am what i am because of cancer”

or

“That was then this is now” mentality.

i have been plagued with all sorts of things. But its all in the past now. today is my new day plus 1 with 1825 learning days maybe 1 or 2 less due to leap years. i am sure someone will correct me. Thanks in advance.

i want you to know that finishing any challenge starts with a step. but the key ingredient is to be determined to get to the end. never ever give up. i watched all the Rocky movies whist in that room and my fav other film. our wedding DVD. what a great day that was.

when i was first diagnosed we moved to a house nearer to the sea, we have had cancer in our lives ever since we have lived here. but as soon as i knew there was gonna be a fight i sought plans for an extension started by someone i called a friend. Good things happen with a positive mental attitude and a support network of people that genuinely care about you. I wrote a list and got my wife to photograph all of the cards. here is the post. sorry if your names not there. “But that was then and this is now”

I just want to thank you.

Its not easy facing anything in life, people give up when the going gets tough. The only way to carry on is to realise how precious you are and your life. You have to want it really want it. Sometimes you have to realise what you could lose and change your life for a bit. Respect life and those that are in it. When bad things happen only the. Who your really are is revealed.

Thanks for reading and I hope you feel energised. Because only you stand in the way of you.

Stay safe everyone and here’s to another 5 years.

Mark

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Instagram @dogrupher

@fonzymark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Everything you read, are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. People share

with others, if it meant something to you, it will to some

one else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own taken whilst creating memories every day.

You could change a life by sharing this post!

Will you?

Copyright ©2020

Isolation and how to overcome it.

I have been putting this off. Mainly because it’s painful to revisit.

But here goes.

I know what Isolation means, I have spent 3 weeks in a room 15ft x 12ft big. Or small however you see fit. To have a bone marrow transplant!

True isolation does not mean you can go into a garden or go out exercising. You really have to stay put and not feel the sun on your face and one I found distressing was not being able to hear the birds! Or breath normal air.

I used to hear the birds now I listen.

Even yesterday it was on the news how wildlife is becoming braver and we are hearing and seeing more activity, due to the low amount of cars on the road. Can anyone notice the lack of plane activity ?

Truly being isolated is not being able to leave one room. Imagine that for a moment. The room your in right now that you could not leave it for 3 weeks. That all you have is in that room. Ok my meals were brought for me so we did not have to do much shopping. But still I never left the room. We have a saying these days when things get tough

“It’s not as bad as the room”

We are grateful for so much compared to the room. I mean even if you live in a flat in a high rise block of flats there is still more than one room to go in.

We have a garden to go in, fish to watch, dogs and many many more things to be grateful for. True isolation does not mean you can go and exercise. When I was in the room having chemo I would walk to the back of my toilet then bk to one side of the bed repeat and go to the other side whist attached to a drip. That’s how you get the poison that heals you through a drip.

I would walk 2.5 miles everyday in that room and not leave for any reason what so ever. The most powerful thing I had in that room aside of social media was my mind. When really frustrated I would take myself off to To a wonderful place where we watched the sun set together on the beach. I remember listening to cilo green.

“Anyway”

I would stand in the sea not so I was swimming as it did have sharks in the water. I would stand with this album on and the song would bring back the sound of the waves crashing at my feet . I would stand looking at the boats out at sea and if I turned to face the beach, I could see my wife relaxing on a hammock; reading her book. With the Hotel in the background. If I shut my eyes I could take myself back there, I could even smell the sweat from the race horses that ran up and down the beach.

What wonderful animals they were. I even got the chance to pet them when they had finished their exercise. Beautiful memory.

I could take myself off in my mind and relive it and become happy even though the chemo hurt like hell.

This is what my isolation was like!

Why am I sharing this with you? Well it’s to help you to be grateful too.

Memories are amazing things because it does not matter where you are, or who with. You can get yourself back there with not to much trouble and change your thoughts.

That’s the most important here. To look at the positives not the mess that’s outside right now. You see I had to fight for my life, now I have to fight for your life. Stay home

Finding reasons to stay home rather than excuses to leave home. You don’t have to do an hour exercise in a park. You can do it at home. I proved it by walking in my small room. Do a fortnightly shop. Just think how many

Lives you save staying home and doing less trips out. Get some online if you can and limit the mount of people you meet. Your doing something-amazing by doing this. Your actually helping people to enjoy more time with their families. Your giving the gift of life every time you say

#notogoingout

I hope that writing this blog stops just one person going out. But truly hope that people share this so people can be hero’s themselves and save lives. Keeping the NHS and key workers safe also. Let’s not forget the drivers that are out there keeping food in our tummies. We appreciate you all each and everyone!

Choose to be a hero. Say no to the park.

Keep safe everyone and remember. “It’s not as bad as the room”

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Instagram @dogrupher

@fonzymark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Everything you read, are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. People share

with others, if it meant something to you, it will to some

one else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own taken whilst creating memories every day.

You could change a life by sharing this post!

Will you?

Copyright ©2020

Thomas cook goes under the day of our departure!

Tags

Compassion, GOD, hospital, immunise, memories, weakness

Been a crazy couple of days! You read on the news that our airline Thomas cook is in need of funds and can’t afford to operate! Crazy in this day and age after all the 170 years experience that the company could not be saved. It’s really bothered me as to why. I have flown Thomas cook on a lot of occasions and have met some wonderful people along the way. Including fundraising for a lovely female stewardess who lost her life to the very disease I was also fighting! I can’t fathom why some people survive and others die. But what I do know is that life is precious. While going through the whole process of getting another flight or flights in our case as we are having to go to Istanbul on our way to Bodrum for our lads holiday.

I was watching other passengers and how stressed some were getting yet is it not just amazing to be alive and be able. Just that to be able! That’s a gift isn’t it to be able to do anything at all.

I had the opportunity to talk to someone who was clearly upset about his children’s behaviour and explained to him that it’s not what’s going on around that’s the issue. It’s how we think about it that truly matters. How we perceive things in life can actually turn things around for good.

Isn’t it our minds and how we perceive what’s going on around us that makes things easier to handle.

We have gone for weeks looking forwards to going away with the boys. Then 24 hrs before the plane takes off we learn the news that Thomas cook has crumbled! I find this hard to comprehend being that there is so so much that could have been done. Is it then not down to the massive payouts that people have had in their roles? Is it greed? Or could it be something unforeseen. I don’t think so, they have been trying to find a solution for 3 years sadly unsuccessfully.

It saddens me the amount of people that are now out of work due to this my friend Mathew cross is out of work. A wonderful steward supervisor that I became friends with and helped raise money fore his friend that v v sadly died weeks later. We can’t change what happens to others in most cases. But we can change ourselves and our own way of dealing with things. A lady behind me has been banging my chair attempting to get a reaction on the flight home. But my perspective is that she is unable to make me snap as it’s nowhere near as bad as being in the room having a transplant.

The day we departed Janette and Rita from Global travel in Bamber bridge sorted out so many things for us. You could say it’s a pain making a 11 hr journey into a 15hr one and changing 2 planes. No we are grateful that these people thought highly enough of us that we were still able to get some sun.

It’s the people that consider others that matter most. Or is it? That’s for you to make your mind up. But I choose to bless people where ever possible and you can too.

You all know I have had cancer and rely on tablets. I want to be free from them in Jesus name but maybe there are still some lessons for me to learn. It’s v v hard having a panic attack and feeling so scared in a room on your own. Due to us travelling I forgot to take my tablets! I start to feel ill after 10hrs that happens after 10hs of taking my pain killer everyday. Missing a second and then a third and then a second amtryptalyn ! Life gets very strange and leads to Panicking and wanting so so much to come home. Anyone else get that? Finding the courage to ring someone you think would care but being told to ring my wife! I cry out to the lord and ask God to help me. Then out of the blue I get a text reminding me of life and love and miriacles. That was my friend Gareth a Godly man. I was soon bk on track and my fear subsided.

I learnt from that. That if people are listening to the still small voice of our farther then it matters not where you are. I spent a lot of the rest of the holiday topping up my faith while others burnt their bodies.

I was able to pray with someone on the boat trip but that’s a whole nother post.

The point is, when things seem bad change your perspective rather than trying to change what’s not possible. All things are

Possible through Jesus. Even the closest people to you will let you down. But then some folk can’t walk in the spirit.

I also believe that prayer without actions is an excuse to do nothing! The bible says “faith without works is dead” there is no point praying and then doing nothing! Is there?

Thank you Jesus for loving us so much that we live in forgiveness. Amazing that Jesus died that we maybe forgiven. Sin is sin and God hates the sin NOT the sinner. You are loved by Jesus and that will not change.

My prayer is that all the Thomas cook people find new jobs and find happiness in their new roles. God bless you all!

Mark

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Instagram @dogrupher

@fonzymark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Everything you read, are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. People share

with others, if it meant something to you, it will to some

one else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own taken whilst creating memories every day.

You could change a life by sharing this post!

Will you?

Copyright ©2019

Holding onto life, what it’s like.

Tags

attitude, Christian, dealing with cancer, faith, help, hope, life, love, memories, mental health, struggle, survived, transplant, weakness

Sometimes ya gotta put it out there to encourage folk. So here ya go for an encouraging post.

Just gonna be honest!

I don’t know how I am still alive, I have battled with my mental health for some years. I had thought of suicide many many times. Thoughts of failure, and that even breath is wasted on me. Not many people have been there for me in this state, but there have been a few. Thank you to you. You don’t know how close to the edge I have been living. Thank God for my wife dogs parents and a few really good friends.

The pain caused by chemo was the worst! 7 years I lived with it before I was able to muster up enough faith to believe I would be healed. Try as I might I am unable to remember what that pain felt like. Yet, it was the worst pain I had even known in the whole of my life! Pains debilitating and takes your focus away from what truly matters. I have been fat and felt so so low at times I spent hours in tears! Seriously you have no idea what life has been like.

Even therapy didn’t help me, most certainly when a school friend who knew me well committed suicide I felt life could not be lived in my body anymore either and even gave me the strength to feel it was my way out also. I had talked that same man down off a bridge 20 yrs earlier and I kinda felt comfort that he had lived those years because I was there for him in the middle of the night. R.I.P. Si!

Other people have passed recently including my uncle of (yes you guessed it) cancer! How can a man hold onto his faith when faced with so much. I did!

Running my cancer group has been so so hard encouraging people facing losing their life, and actually loosing people you helped in their cancer fight. That has been very difficult also. Then there have been the people that have made life harder by talking about me not working behind my back! Knowing where that came from made me loose faith, people stopped coming to see me, I guess because it’s so hard to always be positive for someone. Yet the positivity folk did show helped me carry on. I have held onto my dog faith so so many times while she licked the tears from my face!

You have to hold on to what ever it is that helps you through! For me it’s been my faith my wife, my parents, close friends and my dogs! It does not matter what helps you but hold onto it as tight as you can. That brings me to this blog and how much it’s helped me to write things down. That writing has almost been my own defiance to not give in just yet. Recently my focus has been on getting things done around the house, like the massive amount of wood I had ready for cutting up. I have just been in to much pain to bear it. That too was depressing.

Looking back now I have been in a horrendous period of depression. I trained myself in the mirror to not show how I felt. To smile even when things were against me. The hardest part in all of this has been holding my head up and maintaining my decency, my hope, and my faith. Yet I believe in it all God has had his hand on my life! You see if you just have faith, it’s not enough. That’s like having a ship on the sea out of the harbour. How can you have faith if that faith you have is not anchored to hope. If you make hope your anchor to faith you will carry on.

This morning I got up at 4.50am because I so wanted to be out in the world and see the sun rise. I was disappointed this morning but Saturdays sunrise was awesome so I had seen it but ya can’t be greedy in life can you. My girls enjoyed the beach.

So my message to you today, yes you. Is to say. Hold on, keep on keeping on. Grip hard to what you know makes sense. Never let go of your hope even through your tears hold on to your hope, that is the anchor to your faith! That lion king moment comes to mind. “You are more than what you have become” you are only being told you can’t because you can. I was nearly a 42″ waist it’s taken an amazing amount of determination to get into my 36″ Levi’s. But I want you to know, if I can, you can.

God bless you all

Life’s worth living!

Mark

PS You won’t achieve anything if you don’t set foot on the journey. I could not tie my laces I was that fat. I can now.

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