Your faced with a path that you feel you don’t have the strength to complete. Well I am writing this to motivate you where you are at. What ever you face today, you are the best you that you can be, you are a you that no one else can be. I have realised something recently in my life, that you are what you give not what you have. We are not defined by what we have but by what we give. What you give does not have to be money, or things. As long as what you give is the best you there is.
A you that keeps moving forwards. Although Rocky Balboa is a made up character. Rocky has helped me in my life, the story sylvester initiated encouraged me to carry on. To finish my treatment, to get up when I thought it was not possible. I am reliving my bonemarrow transplant at the moment through a person that’s stuck in a room having what I had also. Remembering how many times me and my wife watched rocky 3 and 4 over and over and over. Gaining strength as I reached for the power within me. The power God gave me, that he gave me because I asked. You can carry on, you can win. You just have to stand and move forwards.NO MATTER WHAT!.
Listen to your heart, and keep moving forwards towards the goal you have set. You are not rich because of what you have, you are rich because of what you give.
PAIN does not last forever, use your pain as a vehicle to help others. Choose to get up choose to reach out to someone and make a difference. Pain does not last for ever but what ever you do because of that pain will last a lifetime.
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own.
Hi, time to share with you about mental health. I want to share with you my findings in life. How depression affects you, How it can affect you if you let it! As I sat there talking to my friend. Imagine Will hunting. That’s how it is in therapy, I dig in all the time. I refuse to take down my armour. I am impervious! I am stronger than it!
Overcoming depression is about believing it will be replaced, that there will be light, but you have to pick up the torch! The thing that’s the hardest in the battle against depression is to do the thing that it is stopping you doing (walking the dog, taking something round to a friend, choosing to give in, rather than walk in nature) depression if you let it will help you do one thing. It helps you look up. Lately I have heard voices
“your not good enough”
“your not strong enough”
“Your not successful”
People that are depressed have lost something in their life.
Did you know pain is depression or success.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE! God showed me that today. That in weakness is when God is strong. ” so you have to be weak to find strength!
Depression is essential for someone that wants to help others. The lessons I have learnt today are miraculous. I have cried many tears today.
Suicide is a permanent solution to something temporary. I am struggling so much right now. But there is never going to be a view unless you spend time climbing.
It’s impossible to know what happiness is unless you have felt sadness. Routine, exercise, doing the opposite to what depression tells you to be. Pain is a great thief in my life! Yet I stand put on my coat and walk my dogs anyway! My pain will still be there if I do or don’t do. So I get out there and do things, I let myself see the trees, smell the air. See people’s hearts, allow yourself times of vulnerability . Like I did today!
Guys darkness is hard!
Commitment to using my pain to build my character, and finding a greater meaning to my pain. Maybe then I could become useful to others.
We are given 5 tools in this life along with air and water we are what we are. Yet it’s down to our persistence of teaching ourselves when we find ourselves in the state people call depression.
Our consistent thoughts we think and the consistent things we believe is what we become. If you know depression, then I guarantee you know what happiness is! But I want you to know, that having your head in your hands will not help you beat depression. Accept what you cannot change, but change your habits.
Do you know that your brain is a record of things that’s happened, you wake up everyday in the past!
CHANGE IT!
Do the opposite to what depression wants you to be. This is not a way of finding happiness today, but it’s a way of teaching yourself that your past does not define you!
If you keep looking at the cause, then you will always have a low mood. The cause is in the past. So the only way to move forwards is to change the way you move forwards and the only way you can do that is by becoming happy. Trust me! Becoming happy is what will help you overcome depression!
If you don’t want cancer again you have to change the way you live. I am training myself to do the opposite to the habits formed by my regular appearances of depression. Because after all it’s how we respond that matters!
Enjoy being different! But also remember it will pass and your not defined by your thoughts, you can change them. Your defined by what you choose to do.
I have just been talking to our friend who comes every week and makes living easier. She a beautiful soul and someone I can cry in front of; and many times I have. She reminded me this morning of why we have tears, the purpose behind them. I always say that a tear is pain we have within us being released in a natural way. When people grieve there are tears, when we have pain there are tears. Yet so many are used to holding them back. Do we think that holding back tears is a good thing. Why is it a good thing? So others can’t see weakness maybe. So you continue to look strong in others eyes. Well that’s a pride thing, to even worry about what someone else things can be pride. It is also something that means we are considering others which is a good thing so we should not confuse the two.
I remember when I was having I C E chemo to prepare me for my transplant how painful it was. Yet tears back then were just releasing the pain given to me by that nasty chemo. I had to break it down into sections. Sections that meant I had small goals that I achieved even through the tears there could be victory. Small goals are important. Tears seem never ending when dealing with grief sometimes. I liken it to a tunnel, a dark black tunnel that seems to have consumed you. But as I am sat here writing this blog on Friday 9th November 12.09pm. I have realised something. That even a hole has to have an end, be it the other side or the bottom of it. A tunnel has an end, in fact often there is light at the end. It leads me to think about the real purpose of a tear. While we know tears cleanse our bodies, releasing chemicals that are not required. Do they not also cleanse our soul.
You know that the bible even teaches us as Jesus talked to his disciples, preparing them for his death. Saying
“Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds”
This verse has been translated over and over again. Some miss it’s purpose. But in honesty it’s Jesus way of teaching us that what we want to be, who we are proud of. Has to die, or we will not be the blessing to others that we hope to be.
Tears are symbolic of pain being released from our bodies and are an integral part for us to reach the end of our journey. Tears are NOT a sign of weakness they are your bodies way of dealing with things. It’s a natural way for us to gain strength in the future. Actually I would go so far as to say the purpose of this blog is to help you realise that tears have a purpose. They are there for our benefit. Letting tears go, helps us to heal. They really do, each one is a part of your pain smashing to the ground and never to return. Allowing yourself time to grieve over what ever it is that’s changed in your life is very important.
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Did you know that cancer carers and suffers suffer grief. Do you know why? It’s because part of you is no longer going to be you in the future. So some hold back the tears, it’s their way of holding onto who we are not what we will become. I can’t believe that I am having to look at new ways of being mobile as the pain in my hips does not ever disappear. It takes a colossal amount of pain killers just to get we up and out the house. Yet even in that there are positives to find. But let’s not digress.
While the old you maybe gone, while someone you love maybe gone. While the life you knew maybe different, our bodies empathise and wants you to come to that important place of acceptance .
What you were will never be who you become anyway, so tears are a good thing, they pave the way for the new you that you will become.
The one thing cancer treatment does do for us, is give us a goal. It gives us a series of days that make us cry, yet when the tears subside. We will see sunshine on a different day, we will leave the journey behind and although the affects of treatment are not pleasant. The fact we have life still remains. Allow yourself to cry, allow your body to deal with what you are going through. It’s important for you to be able to empathise with others, having gone through the tunnel others that face it will want to know about your experiences.
Tears actually lead to strength. The question is after reading this blog post will you “hold back the tears” or will you allow yourself to be the new you that you are becoming?
Everything you read, are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. People share
with others, if it meant something to you, it will to some
one else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own taken whilst creating memories every day.
Here is my opinion of this made up bullshit day. At this time of year people feel guilted into buying presents for their loved ones. Which is a complete farse. It was created by a card company that wanted to boost profitability after the Christmas period. The original story is about valentine, the story ends with two people becoming involved romantically. Someone somewhere decided to make it another day to make the willing followers give cash and buy their lovers a card, treat, or a present.
It’s aimed at young people, and I personally feel, that if you can’t wait till the day after to cash in on the cheap chocolates then there is something wrong. Your partner should be encouraging you not to spend money on the said Day. Rather know and feel secure that you are indeed loved. That a made up day does not change anything. Of course I sent cards when I was young, when I was single and perhaps it’s a great way to get the attention of someone you like.
When I was single, I would always without fail go out on the 14th Feb. After all you were almost guaranteed that anyone out would be single. As the people who were in a relationship would be sat at a table somewhere gazing at each other. It is for sure a great night to go out if you want to higher the odds of a yes. Unless of course you are a serial Tinder swiper, then you will be in your pjs on the sofa giving your thumb a workout. Wondering who deserves a DM.
If you love someone, you will buy flowers spontaneously, say you love each other for no reason. Kiss, and hug for no reason. But wait, it is for a reason. It’s because you love each other and and not because a card company says you should. What a load of codswallop that is, don’t you think?
Use your head and buy flowers when they are cheap, and take advantage of the cheap chocs after the fake day, they call Valentine’s Day. As I say, if your trying to attract someone it’s a great opportunity not to be missed. But that is it.
Don’t be drawn in and feel your relationship depends on it. If it does the chances are you are in a needy relationship. NOT a loving one.
A divorce is like a death, it is for sure the same and certainly no one will understand unless they know the hurt that’s felt, when someone they love dies. I would like to think that all people marry because they love each other and believe that to be case in most marriages. It certainly was for me, yes that’s right I was married before as was my now wife.
When someone gets divorced, they carry hurt, Pain, and a feeling of failure. In my own experience it’s hard to see people siding with one or the other. No one truly knows what’s gone on except the people involved. Yet all that the people experiencing the separation yarn is what they got married for. They yearn love, and they look for a way to get rid of the pain. That’s why you see so many people drinking to excess, taking drugs and perhaps even ending their own life because they don’t feel it’s worth living anymore. I know how all that feels, the desire to not feel the hurt anymore.
You hear friend say that they are looking forwards to their own life changing events, a baby, marriage, a christening, you want to feel happy for them so so bad. But you just feel like the loneliest person in the room, everyone does not understand you. They just see what they thing we should be doing. To love someone is the most beautiful thing, yet in divorce it so quickly turns to hate. Everyone seems to see solutions where all you want is for the Pain to go away. The talking stops and the thought that you ever loved that person just seems so inconceivable.
I mean what is it we all want in life?
I would say that there is only one thing on this earth that has ultimate importance. It’s a concoction that we all crave to meet this end goal. That life gives us that one thing. It comes through, faith and love. Consideration for others, friendship. It comes through giving, through laughter and being around people that care about you and don’t want something from you. It comes through hugs, from having a good family. Yet someone going through divorce will not feel it, they have so much more to overcome before becoming happy. That’s it isn’t it, that we all aim to be happy in life and to find that balance has a high value. If not the most important thing in life is to be happy.
Everyone of us can be that small part of that concoction for some happiness. My challenge to you today, is that you can be a part for someone’s happiness. That someone who is enduring a divorce or a loss needs our love not our sympathy. They need our arm around them to tell them that they are important, they are loved and have value.
I think the key is not to judge what has happened, or who’s at fault rather love the person. Remembering that rejection which is what divorce is, can result in devastating consequences. Not to long ago a distant friend of mine (our electrician) committed suicide because the divorce was so messy. Going round to see him with some ring donuts and phone calls to lift him. We’re not enough, or maybe there just we’re not enough people that helped to lift him up. I cared about him and did my best to help him to come through. But ultimately he was not happy, that was missing in his life.
Our girls puppies
Happiness was not a part of his life, rejection took over and Gary could cope no more. That’s what we need to nurture in life. The situations and people that bring us happiness, and the feelings that go with that. Happiness is a priceless gift and one to be cherished.
The point of this blog is to remind you of what’s important, happiness. Bathe in it and enjoy it like the new morning sun. Happiness is peace, and peace is acceptance. Those 3 things are without doubt a recipe for a disease and stress free life. I have experienced the latter and for sure seek happiness over anything that’s going to rob me of it. If it’s not going to bring some joy in the end I tend to steer away from it. Life’s to short that’s for sure.
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read, are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. People share with others, if it meant something to you, it will to someone
else. All images are from a Google search. Or my olwn, taken whilst creating memories every day.
You could change a life by sharing this post! Will you?
What Has that meant to you? Are you a better person at the end of 2017 than at the beginning? As you reflect on your year, have you had a good effect on the world. Or have you gone through the year just paying the bills going to work, to find you owe a little less on your mortgage than you did in 2016. Are you happy to step or do you want to stride. You know neither is wrong right? You know that what you choose to do is ok and that your choices are not wrong. Just different to everyone else’s.
What’s in your mind as you live each day? To get through it or to become a better you, to learn from the mistakes you may have made. Remember, if someone else thinks you made a mistake. Their standards maybe lower than yours, you may have a completely different way of thinking to them. Opinions are not wrong, because they are theirs and not yours.
I have made many mistakes this year, I have had personal struggles and for sure made efforts to be a better me. That means I may have moved on, or maybe had the same struggles over and over again because I have not highered my standards.
If we never higher our standards and always have the same ideas, we will just go round and round in the same circles as you always have done. At one point in my life I was happy with a tiny little stream, until the day I realised that it was as much work to look after a bigger pond than the tiny stream I had. We had a bridge, we still have the same bridge. It’s just that the area the fish have to swim in is a lot bigger. 5m long infact. Which actually is the exact length of the old one, it’s just it’s deeper and has a far bigger volume. We have fish in the new pond that were in the old one. But I like to think that they enjoy being in the bigger pond more than the small stream. We have moved forwards in my opinion, creating something better for the fish.
Because we have higher standards we are able to have bigger fish in there. It’s more enjoyable for us and hopefully more enjoyable for the fish also. I think quite possibly when we do have higher standards, that other people have a better time aswell. Yet my first stream was amazing, better than not having a stream right. So that’s my point. Doing something good is most certainly better than doing something bad. But what ever it is you do do, maybe it would be a good thing to improve on that in the future.
What you did this year may not have been bad, but for sure 2018 brings you new opportunities to be a better you. You have the chance to do something new, be someone better. To higher your standard is a special gift to the world and yourself. Yesterday will remain in history, yet today you have a chance to change your tomorrow.
My challenge to you is to be a better you than you were in 2018. I know that’s what I will do. I will exercise more, care more, love more and higher my standards. Will you?
Have a great 2018 and here’s to being better than we were, not accepting what we have become. But being a better us in 2018.
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are better based on my own experipence and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Pleople share with others, if it meant something too you it will to someone
else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
You could change a life by sharing this post! Will you?
It’s how people see things that are not saved, they think that if someone gives to them that they must owe them something. Wow that sentence hit home for me, because I like to give yet I receive aswell. It’s a hard lesson for someone that’s a giver to receive graciously. For sure I have made many mistakes in my life, some catastofic. (Spelling I would like to say is catastrofic but I can’t spell it.)
No ones perfect! But yet a really valuable lesson is to learn that to be given to is as beautiful as the person receiving something from you. Yet we hope the person would receive the gift and accept you want nothing in return. I have learnt in life that people want to give to me and I take away that pleasure for them sometimes. I love the feeling I get when I give to someone and even a small thing can mean so much to someone.
There begins the line from another Rocky movie
Que Rocky Balboa accent!
“Friends don’t owe, friends do because they wanna do”
Those nurses saved my life, didn’t they? Or was it the whole thing, the transplant, my faith, my friends? Or was it not the giving of all the people that were in the whole process. I digress.
The point is that giving in its self is a gift, that humility in being given to and allowing that person the beauty of the feeling we all get when we give. I believe that it’s as important as giving itself. It’s for sure something I am learning and stepping forwards to get better at it. You know I still don’t think many people get why I blog and get nothing for it. I see people going to work and earning while I blog to encourage others yet for no reward. Every time I pick up this I pad I want to use it to help people. So am I actually one of the people that feel like I owe, because the treatment saved my life? Well the answer is possibly a bit, but that’s only because I want people who are going to face what i did, gain from my experience possibly. That’s why I give.
We are all blessed in our own way, maybe although I don’t reread what I have written out loud very well (so I am told) but I am able to a small degree at least. Help people to find the strength to carry on, to find a way when they feel there is no way. To articulate what’s happened in my life to encourage other people. You can’t do much when your isolated so I did what I could do with what I had in my hands.
My friends I must conclude by saying, if someone wants to give to you. Allow them to feel good about it, allow them yo enjoy their giving. But also if you want to give don’t be afraid of rejection, be happy you are able or in the position to give. Don’t take people for granted, recognise the good things about them. But most of all. You ain’t gotta owe someone, to give something to someone.
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
For me I believe in blessings and curses, I believe what you say is what you will be or become, and that your words can go even deeper than that. How many times have you said it “I am useless” “I can’t” well I am with you, although I expect more from myself these days.
Having been faced with losing my life, I know everyday I am also faced with life itself. That the gift of life is so very precious and knowing that, that it’s important to make each day count all the more. That’s why I make a conscious effort to speak life into people’s life’s including my own. Say you can’t, you will be right. Because the universe heard you say it. Say you can and you will be equally right. Positivity is possible every single day. If positivity is something you choose, then it’s something that will happen in your life. Choose to gain for yourself and not give to others you will live a pointless life with no meaning and for sure you will not feel the beauty of giving.
The words you say, will work themselves out in the universe. Take me for instance, I said I had cancer once, I was 15 I knew no better. But I did indeed get cancer. Twice. Maybe I got it because I said I did anyway, or maybe I just got cancer!
Choose to say nice things to people, even with no money what so ever you can change a persons life. You can make a person feel good, and perhaps even help them to have a positive outcome where they may have previously not thought it possible. You have the ability to speak life into people’s lives. YOU have an opportunity to not only bless others but to bless yourself and your family but what you choose to say and do.
A person I have known for some years, was told that they were nothing, a failure, and someone no one would want to be with. Unattractive and many other demeaning words. It’s so so sad that people feel they have to be that way towards others. Seemingly to make themselves feel better, but I can assure you the person that spoke those words will have harmed themselves and the feeling of (making themselves feel good) will not have lasted or even happened.
You have a choice every second as to what you do with your life. To love, to hate. To give it to take. What ever you choose remember there is a consequence. Some consequences are good, not all are bad. What will you choose? That’s the question?
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are better based on my own experipence and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Pleapse share with others, if it meant something tou you it owill to someone
else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
You could change a life by sharing this post! Will you?
All to easy to do that isn’t it. Press delete and it’s no longer there, the app or the frustrating game you waste so much time playing. But what’s frustrating me so much with this want it now society? Well it’s not the fact that people drive around in cars that they don’t own, or the fact that people want a burger and fries with immediate affect when they want it. Not so much that now isn’t soon enough. My concern is for the mental state of mankind. That it’s becoming so easy to get a 55inch TV without paying for it. That you can get a settee and pay nothing for 2 years or what ever. What bothers me is people don’t TALK anymore. That people have a difference of opinion and that’s the end of that. That friendships and relationships seem to be about what people can get rather than what they can give.
My parents married for 50 years!
That “what can I get” is more heard of than what can I give. You see that’s why relationships and friendships break down. Not because they are not loved by you, or that you are not loved. Infact you are either inconsiderate, or selfish. The world ends up with so much disharmony because people think they can just throw stuff away. Even people are thrown away, which is why device is on the rise. The older generation had it right, once you were married it was for life. Still is in my book. But not all of us have the very noble and healthy opinions. Because it’s all to easy to separate. Than to carry on working things out.
People that have been married for long periods of time, have to work at it. They have to say sorry and not go to bed on an argument. Me and Andie my wife always start the day with a kiss and end it with a kiss. We always have a kiss to look forwards to. We trust that we have each other no matter what. Loving someone takes effort it’s not something that’s easy. I don’t understand these girls and boys that have children together and then split up.
Listen I know life’s tough, but choose to give and not take away and life would be better for everyone. Putting your arm around someone is not difficult. But saying sorry means so much. Let’s make choices that give, as opposed to taking. To have the attitude, what can I give, is so much more attractive that what can I have.
Possibly people’s mental health would be improved, and in turn lives children ect ect we all need security. Will you choose to give that? Or do you want what you can get? Choose what’s best for others not just you.
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Pleapse share with others, if it meant something tou you it owill to someone
else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
You could change a life by sharing this post! Will you?
The reality of the past 7 years and the realisation that what I was interested in doing. (Encouraging someone everyday) has been achieved. Nuts really how this has happened considering the pain that envelopes me on a daily basis. Success is doing what you say your going to do. Asking if I want a coffee in a morning if you know me is pointless. Making a coffee for me if you so wished, I don’t take milk and less than one teaspoon of sugar. The point of this post is to talk with you about doing, not considering it. Talking to me seems useless, but standing up and doing something means so much to me these days.
You see when your faced with losing your own life, no really you do start to see. It’s only then that you become. Let me explain. Good people, give. They don’t say, hey can I, do you mind if I, please let me. Good people do, they don’t speak of what’s happened. They just do, possibly because they have learnt the same lessons as me. This next picture I took of one of my friends and it speaks so much of what’s going on in this world. That to enjoy what you can’t control, is so much more of a peaceful way to live. Yet, I so often allowed things outside of my control to affect me. I know as another friend reminded me yesterday that we are of course ALWAYS a work in progress. If we are only willing to allow ourselves to not be controlled by our surroundings. Rather to accept what others choose, and enjoy what they choose even if it’s not what we would have done.
This picture although not me, says all I want to say to you really. That to let what’s around you be, and be comfortable with others choices. That no matter what is or has happened around you standing and doing what you feel is right is actually right for you. No other way is right. To stop talking and start doing is when you discover life in its true fullness.
I know I have spoken of sentences the bible says at times in my blog. But this is what I mean.
Jesus Predicts His Death
John 12 vs…23But Jesus replied, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. 24Truly, truly, I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a seed; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. 25Whoever loves his life will lose it, but whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.…
In other words, if you continue to hate the world you live in and live a life of turmoil it will always be that. But let go of those things and allow the world to be around you and not try to change them. I most certainly will continue to become a better person. To stop allowing things others do to not bother me as appossed to annoy me. That the journey of others is theirs nit mine. Whilst on holiday, a Dacia Duster driver was reversing. Seemingly directly into the car I was driving.
My accepting the world photo.
Why can’t you just laugh knowing your a better driver than that, Sentance. Changed my perspective and as ever. If your not with a friend that loves you enough to not let you stay the way you are. Then the chances are your with people that are around you because they want something from you. People that love you will always challenge you. But then of course they will always accept you to. But love you to much to let you stay that way.
That’s what the verse means, until you stop worrying about your souroundings. You will never enjoy what your surroundings are.
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Pleapse share with others, if it meant something tou you it owill to someone
else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
You could change a life by sharing this post! Will you?
Throughout our lives we are faced with opportunities. Some I chose not to choose and some I am so grateful I did choose. Like friendships, to go this way or that. Have you ever stopped to think; what would I have happened if I had chosen a different path. Where life would have taken us should we have chosen to befriend someone or not.
I remember once walking down a street and our eyes met we smiled at each other and carried on walking. Perhaps had I stopped I would not have the people in my life I do today. But is not about what we didn’t do is it. It’s about what we did do that chances our path. Or is it the not doing that takes us on a new path to the things we choose to do.
For me I am happy I never stopped that day, although it’s still something in my mind. Because without me choosing not to I did not sink. Or maybe that smile was just something we shared that made both of our lives better.
I adore smiling at people I think need some kindness. 3 days ago I smiled at a married lady with little hair. “You on chemotherapy” I said. She lit up and gave me a hug. It was like we understood and empathised with each other. It’s amazing how we can affect someone’s life just by understanding someone.
Only you can have that affect on someone. Only you can bring light into someone’s life. Never say you are not able to do anything, because even a smile can have a positive affect on others lives. You have the smile and ability to do that. Try it make someone’s day, choose to smile today. Let me know how that went in the comments.
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Pleapse share with others, if it meant something tou you it owill to someone
else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
You could change a life by sharing this post! Will you?
Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living.
Your having a bad day? You can’t take anymore? Your bills are to high? You keep saying you can’t. Every single day of my life I am faced with the effects of treatment. Yet every single day I do the best that I can. Or do I? Or do I just do the best that I am told I can, and should expect to be. In school we are taught, but we are not taught any differently today than 150 years ago. Yet the world around us has changed so much. A computer 150 years ago was a simple abacus, yet you will be reading this on some kind of reading device. People with no money go to rubbish dumps to collect plastic bottles so they can eat. Yet you hold a phone, a kindle, and I pad? You have a roof over your head and possibly even sky or a cable network and a flat screen TV. Your ok, you have food in your belly maybe even you may have some money down the back of your settee.
It’s such a shame for the fish, that it can’t climb trees. Such a shame for the Bee that can’t make it rain. We focus so much on what can’t be that we forget what can be. That only you are restricting you from any kind of success even if that’s just getting out of bed today. I am so very exhausted right now we have had illness in the house and it’s been hard work looking after myself aswell as my wife as I write this I am up and down to the toilet with a tummy bug. I feel like absolute rubbish.
But let’s go back to the fish that can’t climb a tree, it can swim, it can reproduce it can do things we can’t. Like spend its whole life under water. We can’t do that. The Bee, that makes honey that transformes us and even fights infection. I must have some honey now I mention it. Bees give us so much that we all take for granted. Even now a symbol of together for the atrocity in Manchester.
Shakira grew up in a rich family that lost everything and knows what it’s like to have nothing. All her house was cleaned out and at 8 years old she had not even a chair to sit on. Yet she used what she did have. (Her voice) her peers told her that her voice was bad, she was also rejected and produced 3 albulms before she was recognised. She vowed to do something for the poor and now runs a charity that blesses people. All because she used what she did have and did not focus on what the world would have her believe. JK Rowling had nothing when she draughted one of the worlds best selling books of all time.
You will get kicked down, that’s a fact. We all have a fight that’s also a fact. We all can look at the good in something or the bad. But living is in the getting up, and finding something good to say about someone. This post did not exsist 20 minutes ago, now it does forever. I don’t know if you needed to hear this today. But if you were encouraged today, let me know it’s great to get positive feed back. Focus on what you can do not what you can’t. After all can’t is a made up word anyway.
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Pleapse share with others, if it meant something tou you it owill to someone
else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
You could change a life by sharing this post! Will you?
Sometimes you love a person, for all the reasons their not like you.
I might say some pretty random stuff in this post. I make no apology. It’s time to have a little fun, maybe be a little crazy and most of all smile. So here we go, here is a little story inspired by a sentence on ‘Brigette jones baby’ .
I wonder if it was just me that spent a long time looking for someone I loved the look of, that loved what I loved, that wanted what I wanted. Spending thousands dating, then at the end of a night that you spent all week buying clothes for, that lasted 5 hours. You find yourself on your way home in a taxi hoping you would be sick in the toilet and not all over the cab windows. Then hoping shortly afterwards that you would not get the cleaning bill for the taxi but then ya did. Only to find you had no money and you had to go inside your own home to look for money stinking of sick. Along with kebab sauce dribbled on your shirt. I can assure you this look is also accompanied by a bad hair day to. No not you? Oh well that would be just me then.
That the one you were to love, was interested in what you were, not what you had. Yet one of the first questions was always “Do you like motorbikes” not all girls do you know, in fact I would say MOST don’t. I found out quite early on in life that just because a lady (girl) said they liked Martini. That alcohol should be savoured. That not all men would like Martini, including me, especially as I drank a full bottle in approx 40 mins. It was actually the second bottle of alcohol I drank that fast. The first being one of ‘thee olde English ciider’ just before a party at 13 I think (sorry mum) both occasions resulted in huge amounts of sick. Thinking back I wonder why I ever drank again. Just to clarify I don’t think that any more I am just not blind drunk every weekend… quite possibly making myself look bad but there is some humour among the the honesty, I think.. I mean. Oh never mind.
I am one of the fortunate people on earth, that I found out what is meant by the word love. That just because you like to eat fish it does not mean that’s right for the fish. In fact it’s not fair on the fish at all, it’s selfish love. If you loved fish, would you not look after them and feed them? Love for yourself, that’s why so many get divorced, because they love the fish and don’t look at the person eating the food we don’t like.
Ok let me be clearer, we all love ourselves. A short video I watched recently reminded me of that. You giving love to someone does not mean you love them. It’s the other way round. You love those who you give to. You see when you give to someone you count the cost. If you give because you love to give, you never count the cost. It’s just given, because you will always love those you give to. Because you love you right.
Only understanding these principles can we understand who cares about us and who does not. The love of my life, who just so happens to be my wife likes all the films I don’t. The tv shows it all. Yet we give ourselves to each other making ourselves vulnerable often. Yet in doing that we don’t feel vulnerable because we both know, there is some of us invested in the other. True love enjoys vunrability. People that look for a fake skin deep love will never have anything invested so it will always be weak and fail at some point. Possibly leading to divorce.
Oh how I wish I could upload what I have learnt and take the chip out and put it in a younger persons head. But it’s not like that is it. I can tell someone that, it’s really bad to walk backwards on a pavement and turn around. Because at some point you will turn round and be faced with a lamppost. We have to learn it all for ourselves. Even the books we read will still mean we will eventually find out for real in the life we have.
When you give to someone and don’t want anything back, that’s true love. You can love working because you get paid. But giving to someone because you want to is the most precious of gifts. So true love is because you love giving to that person, not what that person can give to you.
Love is not easy, but then if it was we would all know how wonderful it truly is to love
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone
else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
You could change a life by sharing this post! Will you?
But is not failure a good thing? There are many ways in which failure can be a good thing, a potatoe when boiled fails to stay hard. An egg when boiled becomes hard turning it into a hard boiled egg and coffee beans become coffee that we drink instead of a bean. Failure is only a bad thing if we don’t learn from it, find the good in the situation that we are in. My ethos in life is. “It’s better to do something, than to do nothing.” Many things in our lives feel like they are there to hinder us and not help us. Yet for sure if we looked a little closer we could see something different.
People tell me they are depressed, people say that life’s tough and that it’s impossible to move on. That no matter how hard they try it’s not possible or that life has made them weak. Sometimes becoming weak is exactly when we can thrive and become what we are supposed to be. The potatoe is useless to us if we are hungry, if it’s not boiled. The potatoe has to go through a process to become useful.
I want you to know something today, I want YOU to know that what ever you have faced does not make you less useful. I want you to know that actually what you have faced has not made you a failure but it’s brought you to where you are today. Failure is not failure unless you don’t learn from it. You will only talk about someone’s failures when they are a success, because how will anyone become anything unless we have known failure.
You still have the same value as before life supposedly made you depressed or you got cancer. Believe me if you screw up a £20note and throw it in the bin, it still retains the same value as it did before. What people say about you, what people do to you does not change the value of who you are. Last week I was told a man could not use the internet because he had only a phone. That it was to expensive for him to have a good phone. Yet I asked Facebook and someone donated a phone and a tablet to the 88 year old man. You will only achieve what ever it is that you restrict yourself to achieving. But this blog post is written to tell you, that it does not matter what people have done to tread on you or run you down. Your value is the same as it was before. What ever your situation.
I got cancer and had to look after myself, give up smoking and make some adjustments in my life to remain cancer free. I lived with cancer and did not push it away, I learned that cancer was a part of my life therefore it never took a hold of me and took me down. A friend said to me once, you act like you are successful. “I am” I said “I beat cancer” the world wants you to be in specific boxes to be or not to be. But I want you to know, you have value and you always did and always will. You will never ever know what the dots will be to join up in the future. You will only know what they were when you look back. Only then can you see why certain situations were what they were. Because without them you would not be who you are today.
I am divorced, but I am also married to the most wonderful lady in the world, who I would never of married if I had net gotten divorced. If life happens our way how we perceive it to happen, we will never achieve what’s possible. Because we only think of what we believe to be possible in the box we had made for us by life.
My best friend on this planet has a thriving business, it thrives because he said yes to carrying on a lot. His vision was to make a little bit of extra money. Now a great deal of people benefit from his business, but that also involved a lot of other people to say yes also. To believe that they had value also. You are so much more than a job title, or the words written on your CV your actually part of someone’s future. A part they are not able to achieve without you in it.
Look at what you are, not what you where and remember that the value someone else thinks you have is nothing to the value you actually have. The bad you maybe experiencing will lead to something good in the end. Believe me.
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone
else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
You could change a life by sharing this post! Will you?
I know what it’s like to eat salty bacon with tears.
I don’t know how many of you have just watched “Growing up with cancer” but I just did. Children that had the cancer i did, children that had to grow up with cancer and face things no child should. Well it took me back once again to that room where I had my stem cell transplant. Kids are so resilient aren’t they, accepting of their situation and able to rationalise things and adapt. They seem to be able to deal with things quickly and efficiently.
There was a young lad in the wards that became depressed and lost his appetite. He was unable to eat due to how he felt, he was angry and upset although he was uncertain of why he was so unhappy. Being depressed he was certain of. I know I was low and forced my family away from me, which is actually why I am writing this very post. The family that wanted to be close to me I pushed away. I did not allow them on the ward even though they could have really. I was so hung up on the word. Isolation.
I wanted to give myself the best chance at beating cancer and living longer by not being around any germs what so ever. Well I want to put that right right now. Today should my wife’s dad be alive he would be 74. But cancer took him aged 59. I never knew him. But it’s made me realise I was wrong to be that way, that I should apologise to my family and say Sorry. Sorry for keeping you at arms length, and ask that you all forgive me.
Whilst in that room the chemo they give you, is so horrendous that you get hundreds of ulcers all the way through your body. They tell you that you are unable to eat, and that you would be better to have a nose tube to be fed through, and that exercise would be impossible.
What I did in there I did for my family, I did what I thought I could to come through. I did press ups on the visiting chair that my wife used sometimes. I walked from the bed to the ensuite which was about 5 steps and back whilst having chemo moving all of the time and eating my breakfast not once but twice everyday. Sounds greedy right? Wrong. I would say eating bacon with ulcers in your mouth throat, intestines, all the way through to your bowl is not easy. You cry whilst eating making the bacon taste saltier. But every bite hurts like hell as it goes through your body making you not want to eat. Without doubt the easiest thing to do is to not eat, to choose nothing off the menu to sleep all day and not excercise. To give up.
All I did in there I did for my family, and want to say sorry for not doing the things you wanted me to. It was wrong of me.
To anyone that’s facing cancer or supporting anyone with cancer. What seems normal in life without cancer is most certainly not normal in a life during cancer.
But I leave you with this, to do something is better than doing nothing, even if at the time it may seem like the wrong thing to do, it’s still better to do.
Fonz
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. I
Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone
else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
You could change a life by sharing this post! Will you?
Family does not have to be a place, it’s not something you get. Family is something you give, for many years I have missed the point till right now. No one owes me anything, no family member owes me. People that truly love don’t do it because they are a part of a family. They do it because they want to give NOT receive.. I personally know what it’s like to love someone, loving someone means you never remember what they owe you because they owe you nothing. If you think a friend owes you, then they are no friend. If you scroll through your phone and a person has not called you, that’s when you have to question if the traffic is one way.
I have this saying, that. If someone really wants to see you they will. It’s not your fault someone does not include you it’s their choice. One thing I have learnt of late is this one thing.
I have just bred a litter of pups, and at 16 weeks old our pup has just spent a week with her sister. They both have different personalities and the only time they truly love each other’s company is when they accept each other, warts n all.
Having dogs has also helped me to realise what true love is, and it most certainly is not what the dog can get from the other. It’s only when a dog accepts how another dog is and does not count the cost tat the love really starts..
we could learn a lot from dogs, but if nothing else what we should learn is. If someone has their hand out, the person they love is themselves. If the have their hand out yo help you up, their friendship is not just an action it’s a feeling. People love to receive or they give because they wanna give. What you have in your hand is nothing to what is given from your heart. Jesus paid the ultimate price to show us what love meant. Unserstand that, and you will have life.
enjoy your life with your hand out to help someone up, rather that a hand out to receive is when you will feel the true freedom of life.
Fonz
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
To give life!!
At the moment we are looking after 3 dogs, although the other 2 are faiths pups you still follow them around guiding them to be good. The warmth they give my heart far out weighs the mist chief I find them making. Take this afternoon.
I am making a bigger pond for my fish of which I have 12 remaining. But that’s due to me not putting a net over the pond and a heron pinching one last night. So I am indoors sorting out cloud print or something on our Epsom printer… (Still no idea) the pups were outside.
I am not silly, I know they make mischief but hoped they would be good. They normally play in the side garden, ripping up paper and snapping things. Anything is fair game. Take the other day I planted some climbers, only to find the plants half eaten on the grass. I said nothing and ent and got some chicken wire ( the plastic kind) and screwed it either side of the posts so no further intrusions of plants avoiding all dog chrime!!
The next day I came into the garden where I was confident I had sorted the issue to find the same plant uprooted and more besides and the netting ripped off. I looked at Lily Hope our puppy who tilted her head to the side in a (waaaaat) kinda way. Looking to cute to chastise. With a smile on my face… “NAUGHTY PUPPY”. I said. She looked at me satisfied with her dog chrime with a look of one upmanship as she waddled off. No more has happened since. However.
We return to the pond build and I had successfully moved all remaining 12 fish into a paddling pool ready for putting into their new home. Tomorrow. Whilst confusing myself with printer clouds and google chrome it appeared the two amigos ( sisters ) have been naughty and removed one of my fish and had decided to play with it on the decking. When I arrived they quickly left the area waddling satisfactorily down the path whilst I decided if I should bin the fish or do my best to revive the poor girl.
Of course I opted to revive the fish, to my astonishment it now lives. My puppy and our friends puppy no doubt will still be partners in dog chrime, and I will continue to love them, and hope they find me some sort of leader in the future. But I do rather think it best to enjoy that they are with us, and see their little lives as pleasant unpredictable additions to our family.
Life is that, and no matter what your pain you can look upon the trials you face however you like. But you do have life which is a gracious gift.
Fonz
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. I
Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone
else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
You could change a life by sharing this post! Will you?
We all dread the day when our dogs will leave us and I guess we all hope it’s a painless parting. So I want today to write about coco my brothers chocolate Labrador.
Never did I meet coco and not feel love, we had a friendship as did everyone she knew. Coco was amenable and would adapt to any situation. It seemed her duty on the planet was to warm hearts and take away pain through love and hugs.
When you saw her you would get out of your car as quickly as possible. Knowing her exuberance would end with a number 11 down your car door.
Me personally I was always a bit rough as we played together, but I like to think she enjoyed it.
You could never leave food around where coco was, or anything edible for that matter. She was quite partial to after eights, I was to find out after leaving them on the floor from the night before. My fault entirely – cakes – even birthday cakes, I believe a chunk of an 80th birthday cake was missing, when it came to the cutting!
Coco was known to eat cakes and 12 paper cup cake cases were found one day in amongst her doings.
Some dogs especially labs are food orisntated. We all loved coco in this house, and could never imagine cancer would take coco.
Our dog Faith adored coco and if we said her name in the house she would look for her eager to find her. She always got excited 2 or more miles away knowing they would play together. I am fairly sure coco thought she was male at times.
Coco was playful and was always up for a laugh.
Coco was a faithful companion to her family and without doubt filled their house with joy and made a house a home.
I personally will miss arriving at my brothers to be greeted by Coco. Possible not the defacating around our pool table however. All the same, coco will be missed by many. So glad you got to meet Lily Coco. We will miss you and will always have a place in our hearts. Thank you for all the love you brought to us all. Love always Mark, Andie, Faith, Lily and Jenson.
We will miss you Coco.
R.I.P.
XxxxX
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
It’s incredible how things have changed from this day 2 years ago to today. 2 years ago today right now I would be having my first chemo in isolation having had my Hickman line fitted in the morning. I remember who was there for me, my friend Karl who was so amazingly supportive during my stay in hospital doing jobs for me back at our house. My wife is so impeccable at the detail wrote everything down from day to day during my transplant. Whist I don’t like to look back on negative things I just move on normally. But it’s reasonable to say it’s important to look back, so others who face the same can learn from my experience possibly. Your brain is a powerful instrument and I think shuts off from us the trauma we experience at certain times in our lives. That’s why my wife’s write ups are invaluable when looking back at my transplant journey. For sure I don’t mind telling you I proberbly cried more in the first 24 hours in isolation than possibly any other 24 in the whole of my life before.
There are two things you never need to chase in life. They are true friendships and true love. Both of which ironically we have no control over. People that truly love you will be there for you as they were there for me. People that don’t really care about you will not be in touch with you at all.
My Hickman line was playing up, although I don’t remember much about it. I made friends in that hospital that sadly I am not able to peruse due to hospital protocol. Dr Salem, Heather and Kim. The girls were like my Angels, there for me when ever I needed it. I am not able to get across to you just how amazing the people that work for the NHS are. They are committed and conscientious and vital to the health of us all in the UK. You will never realise how important the NHS is until you need it. There are some that disagree with me, but you have to remember that they do the best with what they have.
If I have any advice for anyone who has this to face, don’t try and make your friendships happen. They will take care of themselves, the ones that are really important will make it through to the end. Aside of my family my wife Andie, Paul Benson, Johnny Wilson, Karl Boardman, and Simon Naylor were the people that kept me motivated. Phone calls not talking about cancer were a great relief in that small room. Our cancer stories group which was small back the, had so many faithful people in it that were a great support. To name a few, Rob Fiscbeck, Liz Peters, Eileen Almond, our late friend Eileen Salmon, Judith Taylor, jean Anderson and Deanna Perich, were all good people and many many more that helped along with the whole Cancer stories group. My dad rang me everyday, if your reading this and your supporting someone in cancer. NOT talking about cancer is the best conversation you can have.
You find out what’s truly important in times like these, aside of friendships. Peace with yourself, God and the planet is vital. What was can not be changed. But the future is in your hands and for sure you can make a differance in this world if you want to.
I guess what I am trying to say is, treasure what you have and enjoy what you have to the fullest. One day medicine won’t be my saviour, but I have and do know true freindship and true love in my life. I leave you today with a song Johnny Wilson gave to me when I went in for my transplant. The 3 weeks that changed me and my outlook forever. I only hope that someone reads this today and listens to this song and it helps you to realise the good you have in your life.
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. I
Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone
else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
You could change a life by sharing this post! Will you?
It’s been a while, whist finishing all my projects someone I met who called round a couple of times. Said “finish one thing before you start another.” As I looked around I realised how much there actually was unfinished at our house. But is that the right way to look at stuff. I mean there is so so much we have done in our home to. Let’s start a list.
Let’s call it inside out.
Tiled the whole of downstairs,
Decorated throughout,
Ripped out double doors and made it a through diner,
Built an extension with vaulted roof.
Log fire fitted
Oak floor,
Conservatory built,
Indian stone placed around 360 degrees of the house.
Garage floor fitted,
Drains fitted
Stream fitted with fish and pump and furniture,
Rear garden created with shrubs and plants,
Side garden obtained and planted,
Seating area created,
Orchard started,
Front area planted,
Rear chill out shed next to the stream created,
Log store built in side garden to serve log burner,
Also dream car maintained to a great level.
Oh and all whilst beating cancer, twice. Don’t know if I mentioned that.
There is a way to fail, but you have to believe that to. Only people that believe they will win, will. You see while we can believe we will fail, we can also believe we will win. People can see what’s not done, or see what’s been done. Yes there are some small piles of bricks, yes I have stuff that’s not moved yet. But there is also a porch that’s not built yet, and a stream that needs finishing (Well building) in the back garden. The roof and rear door needs fitting to the garage and a wall building. But I think it’s best to look at what we have achieved while we could have just let the walls cave in.
My point is, your words can have a devastating effect on people’s lives. But it can be devastatingly positive, or negative. The word devastating can also be positive but then you knew that right? Have you ever seen someone who’s devastatingly beautiful. I don’t mind telly you I have. That lady stole my heart so many years ago and she is the reason I live today, she is the reason all of what I have spoken about has been created. Her devastating beauty stole me from me. But hey I needed stealing and if I were to start over it would be with you Andie.
Thank you for all you have done, and all you will do. I ask also that you would forgive my failing as I am not perfect. But one thing is for sure you are perfect for me. Every brick I move I move for you.
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. I
Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone
else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
You could change a life by sharing this post! Will you?
Isn’t this what matters, who we are. In my life I have heard people tell what I am not rather than hearing the good that I am. It’s been tiring to change from what I have been taught, to what I believe now. But it’s true of society as a whole that people seem to focus on what we should be and not what we have chosen to be. Society wants to put us in boxes and have us stay there and be quiet. While acceptance for who someone is, most certainly something I have had to learn. Although I must have just accepted people for who they were as a child. We are taught not to accept certain people arnt we. We are taught that some ways are not the right ways and others are.
Who are we anyway, that gives us the right to judge another. Should we not just be happy to accept another’s point of view and not change it. Should we not lead by example. Jesus said ” suffer the little children that come into me ” as children we are not consumed by any of the world. Time is all children crave, they only want things because of adverts they may see.
A man should be strong and not cry says society. Yet I find the tender touch of a man is so much more appealing than a man that is arrogant and boistrois. Maybe that’s because I am boistrois myself. We have puppies here at the moment, and those puppies are showing me who I am rather than what I am not. They trust me, because the do not know anything other than love and tenderness that’s been shown to them. Their lives and what I show them in it will have an effect on them forever. These little guys just trust and love completely. How special that is, to love someone and not expect anything in return. That’s who I am, a man that gives not expecting to receive. I accept people, and dislike people that can’t accept who I am.
Acceptance is something we have to relearn, after a TV and society has untaught our innocence.
There is nothing weak about showing others love and compassion. In fact I would say it’s a quality, how others respond is up to them. For me life is about paying it forwards no matter how it’s received. How someone chooses to be we should I suppose just accept even if it’s not the way we would be ourselves.
Me I am sensitive, I cry. I can tenderly touch a new born puppy and look in the mirror and like who I am. I can be who I am, and be happy with that.
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. I
Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone
else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
You could change a life by sharing this post! Will you?
So is it possible, to change how we feel inside. Is not how we feel relative to our souroundings, is not how we respond relative to what we think and say things will be. Today I want to help you. Someone said to me the other day, that our family has mental health issues. I laughed inside, because I realised at that moment that the persons point of view was indeed right. That her family did have mental health issues, but then as I thought on the sentence and considered it. I realised that the sentence was relative to that persons experience and it was up to me to accept it as relavance in my life or to change what is relavant to us in our lives.
How many times have you said “oh no not such and such again” or “we have to go again” things we do and say in our lives are relative to our surroundings. So whose responsible for these surroundings, the people that suggest the relevancy in our lives. The throw away sentence of “there is mental health in our family” was a statement believed by that person. See my relavancy is this. We have strong people in our family. The two refer to the same thing, but we are taking from it what we deem to be relavant in our own lives. WE (Me and my wife) do our best to turn seemingly negative situations around. That’s why I write. One song we listen to a lot is
We listened to it a lot when I was having treatment, and we still desire to have the relavance of faith in our lives. I tell my wife often how much I appreciate her, and that there is power in we. I personally believe that forgiveness is one of the most poswerful tools in the world and without it people can’t move on. It’s not possible to find a relavancy that’s stronger than the negativity that surrounds other sentences feeling s and actions. People have said to me “I am depressed” “there is depression in our family” well your right. Because that’s the relavancy you have chosen to adopt in your life. I prefer “We are surounded by fighters”
Who you are in life depends on your own personal relavancy to situations, you choose to include in your life what ever you believe to be relative to you. One thing I do know and that is I prefer things and people that smile and speak positively. I find people like that relative to how I want to live my life. Now that’s not to say that your not supposed to feel grief, that your not supposed to get sad. Of course you are, again that’s relative to your own situation. If you have just watched someone fight cancer and die, your relavancy would be different to someone that had gotten a disease and chosen to give up to it and die. Trust me the two are the same in that they both involve the person dying. But the relavancy in the two situations are very different.
LIFE in most situations is up to us, but the relavancy we choose is for sure 100% up to us. What we choose to be relavant to is in a situation is for sure our choice. What others say is their choice.
My challenge to you is this, can you find relavancy in your situation that helps you today?
Ps, I have committed to doing this for 365 days every morning, what I ask of you is that you share these blogs I make on email, facebook twitter, you can affect people by pressing a button. Please do that. I asked ppl to share yesterday 18/05/2015 at 8pm they did and 100 people saw my blogs in 2 hours. It only takes a click or two.
Our support group on our FB
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. I
Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone
else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
Well asking myself that question, I was but not now. You see my first post in this blog was “I am Mark a cancer fighter, and I WILL win” many have forgotten that was said. One thing I know is that we ALL WILL die. Now for me personally, having been hit with that 500lb yellow fin Tuna right in the face. Yea I have heard it, and then fought it and won. Now whilst that was the toughest time of our lives together. I can tell you now, that people that remind me of the bad parts of me. Well, they just don’t get my time now, those people that don’t like me for me. God loves me just the way I am, but to much to let me stay that way.
You can be if you say you are. It’s been said by me. “You want to know the substance of man, look at his friends” I am a fortunate man, that I have friends that are the family I choose. People that care about me and us, people that love us. People that focus on what they can do with us, rather than find fault in us. For is it not true that “All have fallen short of the Glory of God.” Without exception.
This is one of my favourite tunes, and while we don’t know where our world or steps will take us. One thing is certain. That is that from having our first breath means that we will breath our last. As I sat with my wife tonight watching the film ‘miracle’ we were holding hands and I looked around and thanked God for the miracle of life. For sustaining my life and for what he has given me, not what we are left without. Yesterday I spoke how we turned an IVF decision into a positive, and whilst we may never have children because of someone’s power. We will always have today, each other and all we have achieved together.
It is for sure better to do something than to do nothing. Yes of course it’s also true that if someone says ‘no pain no gain’ then they do not know chronic pain. We have and have not. There are reactions and reactions. All the ones you choose are yours, and are so powerful the choices and actions and no actions we choose in our lives will have a consequence or an impact in this world we live in. That’s why your reading this, because if you did not you would not know what’s written here. You did read this, which will cause your next reaction. Your more amazing than you will ever know, and you will have an impact on the world if you allow it.
Ps, I have committed to doing this for 365 days every morning, what I ask of you is that you share these blogs I make on email, facebook twitter, you can affect people by pressing a button. Please do that. I asked ppl to share yesterday 18/05/2015 at 8pm they did and 100 people saw my blogs in 2 hours. It only takes a click or two.
Our support group on our FB
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. I
Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
So what’s the most amazing thing in life. I have just said it, its life itself. Judging people makes an unhappy life in my opinion, people like some church goers think that having a religion gives them a reason to judge. The hardest thing I think is to come to a point of acceptance for who someone is. To love them anyway even though you may not agree with another’s method. Well that brings me to answer the question as to why we have chosen to have puppies and not children.
WE DIDNT.
Someone else chose for us, someone with a pen and paper computer and no logic. Someone that said we should have chosen to have children sooner. That we should have considered my wife’s age and mine and not left it so long. You see, when I first got cancer I was told my sperm would stop working, that maybe I should go and store some should I wish and indeed we wish to have children in the future. I was 41 when I donated and hoped one day that we would have children of our own. So I beat cancer and by the time I had regained some kind of strength I found it had come back and would need a transplant of my stem cells to preserve my life. The worst months of my life. All written about here in this blog.
Sorry
My life has been consumed with hope that one day I would look face to face at my son or daughter. It was not to be and whilst my wife is fit, and has enough eggs we are being refused IVF unless we pay for it. Of course it’s at appeal and even though I have messaged the BBC and many other people no one seems interested that a system that has made me infertile cannot help us. In true Fonz style though. I have started a new journey, the one of new life through the puppies our Miriacle Faith has created. It’s a blessing in a different way. But still life. More people are being touched by the blessing of life because we fought the Evil of cancer. I don’t know about you, but it fills me with a sense of pride. Happiness that others will benifit because someone ticked the NO box. But I do still hope that someone somewhere hears my story who can help us. I will just keep writing and blessing people.
It’s nearly time for our 6pm #PuppyWatch where people will tune in to see their puppies. What a privalage that is, to know such gifts of life because of something that tried to take my life.
You can be anything you choose to be, but surely doing something is better than doing nothing.
Ps, I have committed to doing this for 365 days every morning, what I ask of you is that you share these blogs I make on email, facebook twitter, you can affect people by pressing a button. Please do that. I asked ppl to share yesterday 18/05/2015 at 8pm they did and 100 people saw my blogs in 2 hours. It only takes a click or two.
Our support group on our FB
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. I
Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
Wow, how amazing it is to see these little ones grow. So here is the story. I got cancer, I beat it so we bought our dog Faith. I think that would be a stunning enough story in itself. But now we find ourselves at something called #PuppyWatch https://m.facebook.com/Faithblackwell/ is our dogs site where we show all the puppies new movements, the funny little things they do and how they are growing. The puppy watch hash tag above will take you to anything that’s been published by faiths world. It’s funny isn’t it how cancer has given me so much. The last 2 days we have had attacks from people you would expect support from, but yet more and more people are learning around the world about faiths journey and mine by a simple symbol.
#PuppyWatch
Our lives have literally become enveloped by these little guys. In turn by recording the feeds on Facebook lives many many people are seeing the puppies evolve and are also being blessed. It’s amazing, seeing them enter the world and how innocent and dependant they are on us just to survive. We are sharing the special moments with the world that are not normally seen due to it being so intermate and non interactive to other people. You have to be the pack leader like I am to see what we are seeing and I am loving sharing it all with you all. Like faiths page on Facebook and see all the wonderful family thrive using the #tag we want you to see it all. Here is a short video of a birth, the miracle of life.
I will write the full story as to why we have chosen a puppy family and not a human one in a future post. For now I hope you find it as amazing as we do watching them grow up.
Ps, I have committed to doing this for 365 days every morning, what I ask of you is that you share these blogs I make on email, facebook twitter, you can affect people by pressing a button. Please do that. I asked ppl to share yesterday 18/05/2015 at 8pm they did and 100 people saw my blogs in 2 hours. It only takes a click or two.
Our support group on our FB
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. I
Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
Whilst there has been a lot of joy this week, there has been much sadness in my world. I have had a lump in my throat since I found out. I don’t think there has been a moment since Friday that I have not felt sorrow, I always said that suicide is selfish, something only a weak person would do.
I met Gary through a random advert I put up, some electrical sockets I needed fitting and wiring in my garden and lean to. Peter Pan replied to me saying he could help me and when could he come to look. Gary did a lot for us after that day, and to be honest I used to find work for him to do just so I could give him some money to get by. Some people in life you just warm to. Gary had a strut when he walked like I had not seen in anyone before, he genuinely cared about people and whilst I won’t talk about his personal life here, I do want to write something that will be there forever when someone googles his name. I struggle writing this, I really struggle as all of my life here in this village has been about preserving life.
When I looked back through his messages he wrote to me, he was crying out. I did call round to see him, I offered him my hand of friendship and he did come round sometimes when he was not working. He was a softly spoken man, but with an air of genuine about him. Fear was his terrible friend and sorry to say that he needed to escape his demonds. So here ya go Gary this letter is for you.
Dear Gary,
I thankyou , for your friendship. For your kindness, the workmanship in our home. You know I still have lights to fit in my house, that you have yet to fix. I have to say, I loved your hat and how different you were. Your dangly cross ear ring. I liked how you wanted to be a good person, and am greatful you wired the extension in our extension. Everywhere I look in my home your hands have been, lights fitted and you even taught me how. The tools you gave me, the care you showed me. Thank you for always doing your best, sad to say you are now at rest. Just wish I could knock your door again, share a doughnut again. It hurt me so to see you so sad, we even cried together.
We never did have that beer did we. At least you heard my story though, my story of life and not suicide. I feel I should have done more, except knock on ya door. But hey, your demonds are now finished. Your not going to suffer on earth anymore, maybe suicide is actually the hardest thing to do after all. So Gary, goodbye my friend. I will see you again, but not yet. I want to make time to make it matter, my life matter somewhere in some form. God knows you never got dealt the best cards in the world. But you did know happiness at one time.
So Gary I lift my glass, and say thank you lord that I met you.
Rest now mate, and see you soon.
Fonz
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
As I sit here on the settee minding my Dam ‘Faith’ I am watching the movie ‘CREED’ it’s brought a lot of memories back to my mind. Rekindled my cancer journey and even why I embarked on treatment in the first place. The first reason of course was my wife. My friend turned LIFE long partner, then my wife. Which she will be till my last breath. Loads of things are spinning around in my head, in not very long faith will give birth to her puppies. Life will be because of the fights I have had to have and won. Strange for me to think, that without cancer there would be no Faith. Without cancer I may not have realised who my fake friends were, but also who my real, true friends were and indeed are the family I have chosen.
It’s bringing back to my mind not just why I beat cancer but how. In the film Rocky gets the cancer I had, which opens the flood gates for me every time. I can’t help remembering the day, the day your told what’s making you so tired and weak. You see when you fight cancer, it’s every scan, every blood test every chemo. It’s Avery person that sends you a text that helps you to go that one more round when you think you can’t. That’s what beating cancer is about, ‘one round at a time’ Faiths about to give birth and whilst she will never understand the words I write, our friendship is without a doubt real.
What ever you face on your journey, I want you to know that you can. That no matter how many obstacles there are in the way. If you keep getting up and moving forwards that you can. You have to have the heart to stand and move forwards though. I don’t know about you but the friends I call family have given me the strength to get up when I thought I couldn’t. The visits from people when I didn’t want them, because I wanted to give in to cancer and die. I want to right here right now, thank those people for helping me get to today, for my actual family for the love and support they showed me to. That through his people God gave me the strength to choose life.. in choosing life, there will be new life in the form of faiths puppies.
So thank you cancer, and thank you for helping me choose life.
Ps, I have committed to doing this to encourage people, what I ask of you is that you share these blogs I make on email, facebook twitter, you can affect people by pressing a button. It only takes a click or two.
Our support group on our FB
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. I
Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them hereby to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
It’s funny how a memory can trigger so much of your past. How people act or even a film! We don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day, but we do love each day together, now don’t think we have the perfect Hollywood relation. What we do have is something that many people never find in life.
My mum and dads look at each other is Valentine’s Day every day for them. Then I think of the sand storms , the snow, the rain, the potholes in the road we have faced and then remember my wife. I say in my mind ” thank you father ” you allowed this part of my life. Some people have stopped visiting, but they dont love us less. They just have a life to live to.
Ps, I have committed to doing this for 365 days every morning, what I ask of you is that you share these blogs I make on email, facebook twitter, you can affect people by pressing a button. Please do that. I asked ppl to share yesterday 18/05/2015 at 8pm they did and 100 people saw my blogs in 2 hours. It only takes a click or two.
Our support group on our FB
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them hereby to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
When I bought my TVR, was when someone said I may have cancer and that my life would be compromised because of if. I laugh because I felt fine, no pain what so ever. Just this growing lump in my neck that had gone misdiagnosed for so long. When I first drove my new car and went over the first bump. I realised it was going to need some work, rear shocks were desperately needed and many other jobs were required also. Little did I realise that me and Trev. I call him that because Trevor was the guy that invented TVR. Every car is different, not one curve is the same. There are even some funny stories about how the Chimaea shape, mine became the shape it was. It’s reported that whilst in clay, being shaped by the designer who had his dog with him one day took a chunk out of the bumper next to the indicator. That’s why all Chimareas have two curves next to the indicators. Which are themselves from a Sherman tank.
I didn’t realise just how similar our journeys were going to be, mine and Trevor’s. Whilst in hospital having my transplant, my friend took the interior out for me and another friend took the interior and sprayed it. Bringing it back to new. This happened whilst I was undergoing my transplant.
I looked like this.
And Trevor looked like this.
At the same time we were both getting a new beginning, becoming renewed. The only difference between me and the people working on my car. Was that I had a chance of not making it, I know I did and am also getting stronger even though pain is so hard to deal with. I am here to write these blogs. I was encouraged today by another TVR owner that my posts to my blog were inspiring. It gave me a sense of achievement that because of cancer I owned a TVR and because of that connection she got to read my blog. It’s kinda time to thank cancer again isn’t it. Cancer maybe cruel and things may perish and need repair. But we are far more fragile than any piece of machinery. Whilst we are living longer and medicine is helping to sustain life. Machines are able to be fixed forever should the owner wish for that to happen.
Everything I put on my car is the best, Bilstien shocks. Updated engine, powder coated struts. It’s all been done right, of course at a cost. But no cost is greater than to put your life on the line is it. Unless you have a passion for something, even if that’s your faith. You will not understand what I am saying. Your are delicate, controlled by a few degrees in temperature higher or lower than should be, your life will cease. It’s the same with my car, except my car is nuts and bolts to most. To me my car is so much more.
You see, a brain is only able to do so much at the same time. Whilst a person is being distracted, a person does not feel the pain. Oh it’s there alright, but your brain is distracted from it. Yesterday I managed to make it to pain clinic, someone had brought in his Samsung VR. You have seen the advert that the Dad records the concert so his daughter can see what he saw. People that used the VR whilst using it were distracted from their pain. It was still there but the brain was not sending the signal, because to many other things were going on that the brain was otherwise engage. That’s what my TVR does for me, it distracts me from the real world. The world and its treatments have damaged me forever. But driving my car helps me to be distracted from what I am feeling inside. If I try to remember how much pain I was in when driving and I can never remember any at all. Of course I am not saying everyone needs to go out and buy a TVR, or VR system to enable a pain free period. But what I am saying is that, a distraction can help . Only you know what you love, only you know what’s great for you. But what ever you do, make sure you do something that distracts you from the real world. Here are some pics of what my car looks like now and how I look today.
And me.
I guess it’s up to us to do again, or do nothing. For sure when we do nothing it will be more painful, because our brains are not stimulated. So there you go my blog inspired by a TVR called Kate, one called Trevor. Not forgetting Julie.
Let me know if you got something out of this blog.
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them hereby to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
So tonight, I watched a Facebook live that I was supposed to watch. I listened as the person spoke how they together had done, achievements together and fulfilled dreams together. I heard how two people worked together to achieve a goal, a common goal. A goal they both agreed on, overcoming what ever they faced by working together..
As I thought tonight about what’s important in life, my need to contribute in our family as we draw to the end of making our house a home. To contribute in other ways, more financially maybe. But most certainly whilst these thoughts went though my mind, I realised the one thing that I was greatful for. Thankful to God for apart from life itself, was that I had been given the gift of love from another. We are approaching our 14th year together, I love my wife more today than ever I did, although on times you would not think it.
Who ever you are, what ever the choices you have made. If you have loved and lost, you had a gift. Your friends, the people that have or indeed still do care about you are a gift. God has given you gifts, yet you don’t see them anymore because of what you are going through. Well I want to encourage you, no matter what you face, and I know what it’s like to look in my wife’s eyes and hold her hand and cry a tear as I fight cancer, and she fights with me. The love of another is a gift, you can choose to cherish that. Or you can choose to let the circumstances get in the way of that. Oh God forgive me for forgetting that sometimes, forgive me for forgetting the moments we stood together no matter what.
That it’s not about what we have, but that we do it together. It’s not whose name is on the pay cheque or who did what, but that we did it together. So tonight I find myself in a grateful position, grateful once again that there is a we. That the gift I asked God for is right there in the people that love me. That when you move forwards that you only need to look down or to the side to see who’s holding your hand or standing with you.
Don’t let your circumstances be an excuse not to, let your circumstances give you a reason to do. We all have circumstances, we all have gifts also.choose to walk with those that are with you. Don’t be dragged down by the weight of your circumstance.
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them hereby to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
I was reminded on a phone call tonight, something very poinient. Something that all to many people do in their lives that stops them from being successful. I am married to a winner, my marriage is to someone who likes to say Yes. Extraordinary people tend to do one thing that makes them just that. Do you know what that is? They help people. Now I am not talking about helping them to get up a hill when they don’t want to. (Energy is wasted pulling donkeys uphill) You see how can you hold another’s hand unless they reach out theirs. People that hold out their hands are either helping or being helped, and what you do will always remain your choice. How you see yourself is who you will be, and who you won’t be also.
The people in this world that help others in my mind, are the ones that are extraordinary. They are the people that make things happen, they are the ones on the phone helping others. When I started this blog, I hoped that one person would be encouraged to carry on. That one person would find the strength within them to get back up and move forwards once again. For sure cancer has helped me to mature, it’s helped me to see the world in a perspective that maybe I never asked for. Someone sat in front of me and told me I had cancer, and I chose how to respond to that. Cancer or indeed any battle in life, makes you who you are today. Even the word can’t makes you into something.
Some of my posts are very dark, even life itself seemingly impossible at times. Thoughts of giving up, throwing in the towel and times on my knees with tears rolling down my face. But yet all those times made me into the man I am today, the man that wants to hold out his hand and help others in their very own battles. My heart is to help those that want to help themselves. My heart is to stand with those that want to stand and maybe feel they can’t. It’s not a word I use often but I know others do say it. Which kinda brings me to the end of this very short post.
Those that are extraordinary, always move forwards. They find solutions, where others see problems. They say yes where others say can’t. Because of course you are right, if you say you can’t you can’t. Those that give reasons to do rather than excuses not to help people. Choose to say can’t, you are exactly right.
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them hereby to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant soumething tou you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
In life sometimes we just have to accept who we are, and who we are not. When you have had the battles that cancer fighters have even a small achievement is better than no achievment what so ever. So today my challenge having arrived at 11.29 at a walk that set off at 11-20 was to play catch up. Me and faith were keen, faith (my lab) was excited. She does this whining when she is excited, she jumps up and down, with her tongue out. Even though I sent her on ahead, to follow the trail ( I made her smell the car of one of the walkers) she led the way for me but never let me out of her sight, it was to amount to nothing however. So why am I blogging about this, well it’s because when you are faced with cancer you place goals in your mind. You hope that one day just one day that there may be some level of the normality that once was. I personally hoped to make new friends and to befriend people with new perspectives. You see, when someone (anyone) gets cancer. People show true colours they tend to not understand what you face and that has a result of loneliness. People show you how much you mean to them by the actions they make towards you. The commitment some people show towards you in your time of need is humbling. But there are not many that stay by your side, most don’t understand and leave you to deal with it alone.
I remember being in that room imagining the very walk I endeavoured to do today, you know uphill with running streams and fallen trees and wildlife although I never envisaged cows. But there were.
I was hopeful I could take some great shots today and make some memories, to get better at using my IPhone whilst enjoying other people’s company. Now those that know me know I have a lot of pain killers and today I took 90mg of codine to enable me to be able to walk. I had food and water and was prepared for a walk. I was told it was an easy walk and I would have no problem. However the night before my friend (he’s the type of friend that carlsberg would make) if they made friends. He told me it would be to much, the lakes is for seasoned walkers he said. Of course I am a beginner in every sense. As I moved forwards as fast as I could I slipped and fell and hit my head, fortunately I was wearing my trappers hat. I realised right there and then, the condition of my body is such that things like this are beyond me. I sat on a stone and knew that I had higher expectations of myself than were actually possible. It filled me with sadness and I don’t mind saying I even shed a tear as I sat there. Faiths head on my lap, even her eyes said “Dad its to soon”
It was with regret that I turned around and began to face what I had not allowed myself to do before. Accept I was not able, and whilst I had been wildly eager and went against all the advice of all the people that know and love me. I then had to accept that I needed to do lesser walks. Steep slopes are not within my capabilities, with a lump in my treat I headed home. No phones were in service and hope was gone.
As I walked back I took a couple of pictures to remember where I had been.
Some of you know I love pictures and that they speak to me, this photo speaks of life. That this little river I was stood in was going somewhere else to where the walkers were going. It was somewhere different to where the walkers were going where it flowed to and maybe my path although different. Would still have a meaning somewhere, I didn’t give up I got there, me and faith shared time together and whilst I feel like I have failed in some way, we did get onto the hill.
So what’s the punch line, well it’s this.
” what ever you think in your mind, where ever that is. Remember that just because it does not end up how you imagined, that does not mean you failed at something. It’s just different. ” our paths even though we choose them, don’t always end up the way we had planned. But what’s important is that we have a goal, and in doing something you will achieve something. I mean this blog for a start, will be written forever and will encourage someone somewhere. That’s because today did not go to what I had planned. So already there is something positive. You just read it.
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them hereby to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
My names Mark, Fonz to my friends. My story isn’t a A heart wrenching one or anything, it’s just my life. A life I never expected to live. I always had plans to be a dad some day, but with the right girl. The girl that made me quiver, the girl that loved me for me. I was not especially good looking normal I guess, mr average although not in all departments. I always thought I would be a high achiever. Live in an above average house, not that the house was big, just that it would be full of love. One song I can’t forget was ‘feel’ by Robbie Williams.
I always dreamt of feeling the feeling of love in the home that we live in. My first marriage was born out of hate, a bomb in Ireland my girlfriend bk than was stood 10 feet from the bomb when it blew. We married and love was born out of a tragic bomb that affects people’s lives today and will forever. Married life failed. Back then I wanted to end the hopes and dreams, I felt as though I should die . Leave you all behind as it were. I decided to travel instead to look for my Mrs right. To have some fun whilst doing it, I drank to forget. When I drank I was numb,numbed by the alcohol. I lived and did things I loved. Went to Sydney on New Year’s Eve, Brisbane at Christmas. Travelled New Zealand. Along the way I turned down life long dreams. Swimming with dolphins, seeing a glacier, many things that I wanted to do with a true love. I did go to an F1 grad prix in Melbourne though and came home soon after. Tears rolled as I flew back to GB.
I moved to Manchester. Where I met some amazing people, but one I met in the most unlikely of places on the most unlikely night. A night out with a friend, a different pub and there she was. Blonde hair, the most amazing smile and sourounded by men. I whispered in her ear ( I will be back when your boy friend is gone) I then flicked her hair into her face. That was the start of our lives together, the girl I had gone around the world looking for was there. You know, the one that makes your heart melt. The one that’s for you.
We worked hard, moving into a really little semi detached house after 4 years renting a big terrace. Then losing her mum to cancer so suddenly it shook us both. 4 years later we moved to Preston where we now live. Little did we know what was ahead. 1/4/2011 we moved in June 2011 I was told I would die with out treatment diagnosed with cancer. July I started treatment. They told me I would become infertile so I had to store some boys. Swimmers or sperm to the medical among you. I did, and hoped one day I would be able to use them after the fight to beat cancer. 6 months of treatment, chemo every 2 weeks. We had Christmas together 2011, friends disowned us. Family did not understand. Our fight carried on, until I started to get better, work again, the extension I started when diagnosed was finished. I started to do bits in the garden, help a friend, my energy came back a little and we bought our dog faith.
Faith was my shadow, a wonderful dog. She still comes with me where ever I go, and loves her dad like no other. For me she would do anything.
Ah but then I have to say, she licked me on my neck, again and again and barked at me often. She was telling me it’s back, my cancer had come again. A Bone marrow transplant, a tiny room. All the time believing my deposit would be used one day. 18 months ago I had that transplant weak though I still am and not able to work full days, we hoped that IVF would be given to us. My wife was 39 but got to 40 when we had our appointment, we were told we would be able to go ahead to now eventually have a child. A gift from God, although stored by me and saved in the nitrogen bank.
Then that day, the letter came. No it said, your wife’s to old and you should have tried earlier. You are not able to have children. But not giving up we made an appeal, supported by phycologist doctors and reports. Yet still the answer is no. Is it?
That’s when we decided to let our beloved faith have pups.
So here we are, that’s where our journey has led us.
Meet our puppies that will get a new home. But also our blonde girl Lilly Hope. Our new blessing.
Ps, I have committed to doing this for 365 days every morning, what I ask of you is that you share these i make on email, facebook twitter, you can affect people by pressing a button. Please do that. I asked ppl to share yesterday 18/05/2015 at 8pm they did and 100 people saw my blogs in 2 hours. It only takes a click or two.
Our support group on our FB
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. I
Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone
else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
I guess this should be a merry Christmas post, or happy something or other if your religion is that of those that consider Christianity and Christmas non exsistant or offensive. Good news it’s not, it’s about pain. It’s about the people that never asked for pain, they never did a stunt and broke a leg, or tried to commit suicide. Although some have, but that’s another blog. This is about people that are not able to escape from their demon PAIN!
Pain really screws up your day, makes things that seem simple to others impossible once it takes hold. You do your best to be as normal as possible. Yet no matter what you do outwardly it never disappears. Only those that know pain know what I mean. You wake up with it and go to bed with it. It never dissapears. It’s not like a pin prick, or a broken limb, it chips away at you never ever resting. Until you have had enough and it does not matter that it’s the time of year, or the love you are supposed to feel. It’s just about doing the best you can. You smile so others feel good. I mean, no one is ever interested in what’s going on with you really are they “Snap out of it” “smile ” they say.
Well I just want to say, sometimes words that I never normally want to say. F…K Y.U have a little understanding by putting yourself where they are. But you can’t can you? because you don’t understand. Please don’t glance over what a pain suffer feels, what we feel is as important as a child. Only we don’t get to take our pain away for the evening, to have a meal without it. We just have it, and nothing we do will enable us to escape. We are trapped by a consuming fire, chemo can cause permanent damage. I have that, it grinds you down and you feel useless, and extremely worthless. Yea some people say ” great life you don’t have to work ” I laugh. Because I do work in lots of ways. Just do no matter what is my advice. But above all else, be honest. If the person speaks about themselves in response. Well you know, and I know they are trying to understand. It’s not their fault really. Give those that don’t understand a prayer this Christmas. Of course pray for al, those in pain this Christmas, they really do matter.
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
Going on holiday is supposed to be a way of relaxing and when you come home your supposed to be refreshed. We were for sure just that when w were on the plane holding hands feeling that feeling of feeling refreshed and looking forward to our IVF treatment. We felt excited, we even met people on our holiday that had had the treatment and it worked first time. I mean knowing we have fought so hard for our life together. The room, the treatment, the sickness and suffering. Surely this is our time, surely it’s time to get some good news in our lives and have an opportunity to have our own child. My swimmers are dead, so we are not able to have children naturally so our only chance is to have them through IVF. We were told they were dead on the day before our holiday and our holiday in Greece was time to come to terms with that. I was angry, and upset that cancer had taken that from us. That the consequence of the fight was that we could not have children, that somehow we have been ripped off.
It was about a week into the holiday that we met a couple that had had their successful IVF. Our anger turned to hope as we heard the story that was theirs. That he had fought for his life after breaking his back, but years later had their gift through IVF of a beautiful baby girl. We began to feel hopeful, we even began to feel excited at the prospect. Our holiday began to be a joyful time as we imagined our new born and what it would be like to be parents. We talked about how we would parent, the methods we would use. We even watched how other parents were with their children, we looked at each other knowing that we would work together to help parent our child and realised that maybe we would make good parents. We spoke how we would ask questions of why they were doing what they were doing as apposed to shouting. (Maybe a far fetched dream right) we spoke how we would parent and how we would love them, places we would go, what we would teach them.
It really was the beginning of a new life for us, especially as Archibald the guy at the hospital had told us we would qualify for the treatment. We are not people with money, we are people with big hearts and share love with people and help others to overcome what they are going through. It’s what I do with passion, helping others with cancer, dedicating my life to holding out my hand to other people like you. Encouraging people that they to can win their fight, whether it be cancer or something else. I have heard the words, “you will lose your life without treatment” I know how valuable life is, I know how precious it would be to parent. I know how my dog makes me feel, I mean you see people that are parents and apparently some children don’t know what a loving home is. We do, because we live in a loving home and truly hoped to be parents and thought that this was our time.
We arrived home up beat unpacked opened a bottle of red wine and began opening the post, you know the bills ect. Then I heard my wife reading a letter out loud from the hospital. She said the word “unfortunately” followed by “you have not been accepted” it did not hit me really till now. That we are not being accepted for IVF. Right now I feel as though yet again Cancer has taken something else from us. After spending our holiday feeling hopeful that we would become parents. So here we are with yet another disappointment. Another set back, something else to overcome. Yea of course I am upset, we both are but you know me, I won’t just sit back and allow this to ruin me. I will continue to look into the options until they have been exhausted. But I tell you now reading that letter has floored me, for now.
We will get over this, we will become positive again.
Today is a gift and treasuring what we have, is most certainly important. Life is precious, appreciate what your life gives to you. Also the people you have in it. We are each other’s gift.
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
So it’s true, that there is good in everything if we look for it. My wife reads to me most nights now as my friend has given me a book to read called “illusions” Although I write believe it or not I am not a great reader, I don’t even read my Blog posts back a lot of the time. I also find that in my dreams sometimes I am spoken to, not by my wife but by someone far bigger than me. Sometimes my dreams are complicated, and others so very very clear. But this came from the book she reads to me.
So picture this, a river not the fastest river you ever saw, but all the same one that never runs dry. A river teaming with life, imagine then that there are some creatures in the river holding on for dear life, they do it everyday. Everyday they have to hold on so they are not swept away by the current. They don’t know why they hold on, but they chat to each other one day and discuss why they are holding on so tightly. One says to the other, we will be hurt if we let go and will be battered and bruised by the rocks. The other one says “yes but I am bored holding on, I want to let go and trust where the rivers current will take me”
The ones holding on, do not trust that they will not get hurt. For if they let go they will indeed get hit by the stones and rocks. They have no faith in what they don’t see, they only trust in what they can see. Yet the one who wants to let Ho and trust the stream believes by faith that where the stream is going and must know something he/she does not. Or surly the river would not keep flowing.
The time came that they let go, and sure enough the stream sent it smashing into the rocks below, hurt battered and bruised by the Flow of the water. It was not the water that hurt, it was what was in the river. The stream continued to flow and carried him up to the surface where there was sunlight and a new way of living. He had never seen the sunlight before, but because he had let go and had faith in what he could not see. He/She was able to see how beautiful they were, the colour of how he was made and learned that he had wings and was able to fly. He was given a gift because he used faith in what was unseen to become the beautiful person he became.
Life has been like this for us all I suspect at certain times, but not knowing what will be is the same for us all. Having faith in what will be is the same for us all to, only we can let go of what is so we can know what could be. Only we can allow what our true destiny is, to be discovered by having a few hits but still moving forwards. I just wonder if you will hold on tight to what you know, or if you will allow yourself to trust what is going to be by letting go.
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
Living on this planet, I find every day is a school day. I am always learning about life and my opinions, are not just changing but becoming more accepting of the world. You see I was brought up to believe so many things are wrong and so many things are right. This is not how I live today, because what ever it is I believe people may not agree with. What right do I have as a person to disagree with the way someone lives a life. Who says it’s wrong really? The snow falls at certain times of year, is that wrong? The sun shines and the planet thrives on the gift of life the sun brings, the water feeds plants and the world Carrys on. The world just is, this planet is amazing and as my dear friend says. The world works in harmony, if we like it or not it just is.
The question people ask is “is there a God”? Well what ever your opinion on the subject, you are what you are. Your life is for a reason and all that you do has some effect on the planet we belong to. What we do makes ripples and we will never know just how much effect what we do, does or does not for other people. It’s a very peaceful place to find yourself in, to realise that the world just is. Your perceptions to things change, they become more meaningful. Yet they also become effective by just letting people be who they are. People I have been around all of my life have judged others and had opinions on how those people should be. Well here are my thoughts.
The more we as people worry about what others do, the more unhappy our lives will be. I wrote a blog called the garbage truck. I talked about how people that are concerned with what others do or do not do keep loading the rubbish of others into the truck that is ourselves. Loading ourselves up with other people’s issues that are no concern of ours at all. I had a friend once that used to come to my house and constantly tell me how otherpeoples actions offended him. Yet he could have just accepted who they were and had a peaceful way of life.
Nearly losing my life has taught me that I have a lot to offer this planet, but if others don’t think that’s not the case why should I worry about that. It is after all an opinion of another. It’s ok isn’t it, or is your opinion of mine differ from that which I think. That’s ok, the trees grow, the birds sing, people get ill, people get better, people don’t. It’s all ‘just is’ we can get annoyed, upset anything we like but that’s our ‘just is’ I have had much time to contemplate losing the ability to be able to give my wife children naturally. It’s been a very upsetting process for me to come to this point in my understanding of life. That it just is and no amount of upset can change my world in this.
For me it’s amazing to be able to live, maybe IVF will work and we will have a miracle but together me and Andie will just relax in our ‘just is’ it’s far better to accept the lot we have been given and to focus on what we can do, not what we can’t. To accept the world as it is, rather than to wish it was different. As I have written this blog, I have found things that were bothering me disappearing. Because it’s about our perception of what is and is not that makes all the difference. The world is your playground, it’s not a place with continued problems it’s only our perception of what is that makes your world a better place to be. So from now on I will be learning to accept what is, not wish to change what I think is not. As my friend says.
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
Happiness is for everyone else. Not us.
That’s how I was made to feel on hearing the words. It’s true I could had a family young. My choice was to live a life a life that I enjoyed on many occasions of course that life was never completely perfect not until we met each other. We were just pawns living this thing called life. Sure I knew I was blessed with knowing God and all the joy that brings with it. But there is something about having the opportunity of having children. Our own to love and cherish. A chance to bring a child into this world with non of the money worries. In a fairly comfortable way.
We are fortunate in a way that I have stored some swimmers that could potentially give us that opportunity through IVF (Test tube fertilisation) but I don’t know how I feel about that. But it’s our chance to have a miracle. So who knows maybe that’s where our miracle will happen, I don’t know but it’s a bit like the biscuit tin as a child. It’s something I hope for more than ever now.
My friend said this to me this morning
“Take time to relax and come to terms with it, having kids is not everything. You have each other, and some people go through their whole life never experiencing that kind of love, treasure what you have.”
So that’s gonna now be my focus been as no other advice I have to go on, I guess it’s the best advice. You do feel less of a man that’s for sure like your whole meaning of what we are put on this earth to do has been stripped from us because I beat cancer. Well I suppose there has to be a consequence to any action you take in life. It’s just the only option I had was to have chemo to steal a few more years. I am mad to not want to leave a legacy behind. That maybe I live on through my son or daughter.
I guess this is just another part of cancer, you create your home, make it a home and then hope for the pitter patter of feet in the surroundings you have created. Imagine a Christmas morning with our dog faith, Jenson our cat, Mark Andie and our new miracle with us, crackling of the wood on the fire. The warmth not only from the fire but from our hearts as we experience the journey that is family.
Right now I feel robbed again, but in usual Fonz style, I am gonna believe for the miracle that the little girl got in the film miriacl on 34th Street. If you have not watched the film them please watch it, so you to can realise what our miracle would be.
It’s not the fault of the nurse that gave me the news that my sample had no sperm in it at all. It’s cancers fault of that there is no debate. Cancer has taken this from me and made me infertile. Some may find it funny, but I assure you who read this there is nothing funny about cancer and it’s effects. I will as Johnny says treasure what we do have and move on from this. They did tell me it would be so, otherwise why would they have asked me to store some swimmers. Life that’s what I am gonna focus on, and the brilliance of another day, yes I am sad, yes I am even shedding a tear as I write this blog.
But I must enjoy what we do have not want what we don’t have, I must have faith that Gods Will Will be done.
Here’s hoping for our miracle on our street.
Have a great day.
Fonz
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories.
A period in life I would rather forget right?
Wrong, it makes me appreciate what I have now.This is a PICC line and how I was given Chemo for something called ICE. This makes you projectile vomit as soon as it enters your body.
View could be worse hey.
That’s my Wife Andie xxxx
That’s my line being flushed, no matter what this has to happen every week!
HICCMAN line, given to people having the most effective drugs and most danderous. The end of the line enters a wide vien near the heart to lower the risk of amputation. If the drugs (some) touch your skin it can eat your flesh. That’s why I looked like this when I had Chemo.
Just to have my life 8 teeth were removed from my mouth. So next time you see someone with teeth missing, maybe wonder why they ate missing.
You want to know what incredible is.
That would be beating cancer, or anything else that has questioned your mortality!
But I did it, to give you hope!
I know what it feels like when you look like this.
But now know what it feels like when you do this!
You got this.
Fonz
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
In life we have many things to deal with, many we don’t know what they entail, or what the outcome will be. My day has been consumed today, consumed with hurt for another an a family. Consumed with what has been, what will be and what could be. 2 of my cancer friends face surgery this week, and I have prayed virtually all day for them and their families. So I want to try to encourage anyone facing journeys like theirs in the future. I may need you to think about pressing the share button on this one.
I will attempt to tell my story today through pictures.
The two pictures above signify what is ahead. That we can see what is there, yet it’s still uncertain, no one knows who or what’s behind any of those trees. Yet you and I would walk there if we could, we would believe by faith that we would be ok when you hot to the end of the path, turning the corner and believing you will be ok when you get to the next corner as well. If your an atheist, or a believer. You have to have faith, it’s impossible to walk without faith. You have faith in a chair when you sit on it. Belief your legs will hold you when you walk. We all have faith everyday without even thinking about it. It’s only when something happens to us do we start to appreciate what life truly is. As I watched my dog “Faith” enjoying her walk I asked God to show me something, to show me possibly something that would help me write this blog. This is what he showed me.
A fallen tree.
When I talk to God, the voice I hear with in me that some people call conscience. I began to understand that the fallen tree still had life, although it had hit the ground it still had life. It had taken one hell of a fall, some of its branches were broken and was quite obviously different to when it had been stood upright, yet it was still alive. It got me thinking that even a tree with no soul could adopt a new way of living. Just like us who have had a life changing experience.
I began taking pictures of my surroundings, the sign
All those paths were ahead of me yet I would only choose one. There was the tunnel, that could not be seen through from some angles.
Yet wether I could see through it or not, did not change what was or was not in that tunnel. The tunnel was always going to be the same if I could see through it or not. I have had to learn to stop punishing myself for the life I have lived, rather to change the life I will live. Whist cancer has struck me down like the tree, I still live a life. I can still breath like the tree can. The life that I have fought for was always going to be this bad, the pain I feel was always going to be this way. Only to get to enjoy what I have now I had to put faith in what was in front of me, the surgeons, the nurses, the chemo, the treatments, the phycological effects cancer has had on my life were all going to be there.
The bridges I had to cross to keep my life many have walked, many have also believed the walk was worth it. I guess for me it’s better to have faith in what is than fear of the unknown. We can’t change what was, we can’t change the path required to get there, but we can change how we see our life. Change how we see the fallen tree, maybe some will just see a tree that’s fallen over. I see a tree with a new way of living. What ever your way of living is, isn’t wrong. What is wrong though is not making the best of what you have. Seeing the bad as opposed to success. You have an opertunity of how to use your path that you choose, you will always have to walk the path you choose. Will always meet the people that you should meet. The thing that makes you special is what you choose to do. How you use the experiences you have.
What Faith chose she loved, even though her dad was actually quite embarrassed as she (again) jumped in right under the “no dogs swimming” sign. If you have an oppertunity to continue with life I rather hope you choose to do what’s required. Today my friend Pam ( who I dedicate this post to ) had to walk a very tough path. But she did, she has walked onto the bridge and walked forwards. Of course a new life will be hers, but I tip my hat to you Pam as do we all.
If you have never suffered, make sure you do all life has to offer you. Sing even if people can hear, dance if people can see. You have a life and however your living that life is a blessing to you, make your life a blessing to others. I dare you
Fonz
Ps someone put this sign up to. It rather made me laugh.
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories.
Sometimes simple things that happen, help us to come to the realisation of some parts of this life that we live. We all know I have had cancer, we all know how hard I had to fight to complete the tasks that were before me. Never once did I not believe that I would die from cancer. I believed that I would survive, I also believed I would survive for a reason although that reason was not yet apparent. In its entirety at least. There are many times that I have used the word that entitles this blog, many times every day since we gave a home to our baby doggie “Faith”. Many times me and my wife have held hands and looked at each other, with a look of belief whilst masked with the fear and sorrow that was and is still called cancer.
When ever anyone faces any desease, difficulty, challenge, or life changing situations. There we have to realise, that we have enough Faith to see us through to the other side. Because of course without actions Faith is indeed dead.
Faith for me, apart from our amazing addition to our family. Well it’s something we as a family Mark and Andie, also my further family have had to have to come through the otherside. With my Fathers cancer thrown into the mix. The thing we need most in life, is faith that we will overcome the treacherous road that’s before us. We have to believe that our God, has a plan for us, believing that even what we are going through has a reason. You see that’s why I started writing, why I started the blog you read and share fonzandcancer. Because I believed that I would survive, I believed that I was allowed to have breath in my lungs because I had faith.
When you have Faith, it’s not the feeling or the belief that makes a differance. Anyone can have faith, it’s only powerful when you WALK by Faith. So simple an action as walking by faith, can make more differance than you know. The effect you can have in another’s life starts with a step, and believing that those steps you make are for a reason. I personally feel it maybe possible that I am to turn another corner. Yet I have to step forwards by faith, not knowing what it is that will be my future in God Faith and Love.
What ever you do, make sure it’s something. Every journey you go on, even if it is just to the kitchen starts with a step. For you to achieve anything you first have to move forwards. I read a blog the other day and the person spoke about moving forwards, that it did not matter how far forwards as long as it was just that. You do not know the impact you can have on someone’s life unless you take your own walk by faith.
Remember as I hold my wife’s hand and she mine, we have to believe by faith in what we are together. It’s the same with our God isn’t it, it’s the same with what you believe in. You may not see what the effects have in its physical form, but if you are led by faith trust me, things will happen. For me personally, this up and coming week is most proberbly going to need more faith than I have ever had. I have arranged a meeting for people to discuss new possibilities in our local area for young people. I mean who knows it may just be a hand full of people, maybe I will look an idiot. But how will anything be achieved if I don’t step forwards and do something. Surely doing something is better than doing absolutely nothing.
So I want to end this post by sugesting this to you. That your life is for a reason, and if you believe that by Faith, and move forwards in faith. Believing that. Because only by believing that and then moving forwards can you make a differance. If you do that, you WILL make a differance. Your life is for a reason and all you have to do is step out in faith.
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories.
It was that day when I had to go for my results, it did not matter who was in that room. My wife was there, the consultant, student nurse. 7-9 people in the room altogether. Yet I felt so alone, so afraid and so weak. Non of it was in my plan for my life. It was not in my mind when I said I do to the person I wanted to spend my whole life with. What kind of crap is this, that I had to sit in that chair on that day and hear those words. I want to try and help you to understand what happens when you hear those words.
You see up until that day I was invincible, indistructable, a mountain of indistructable muscle. But I wasn’t was I, I like everyone else was falable. Those words pulled the rug from under me, made me lose my footing and fall to the ground in a heap in my mind. ” You have cancer ” he said. The world went blurred, black and white if you like. Life became like a vivid dream. That everyone should stop moving whilst I came to terms with those crushing words that I just heard. It was like a cloud of negativeness had just engulfed me. It did not matter how much I knew people loved me, as that tear rolled down my cheek, I just felt alone like no one knew or could actually understand what I felt.
I believed everyone should just STOP, let me tell you how I feel. Just allow me a little time to come to terms with this horrific day, to do that you have to all STOP though. But no one stopped, no one allowed me time to understand what Chemo was. Nothing stopped only my world stopped, only our life was discontinued. Weeks maybe months they said without treatment. WHAT? Oh no not me, not a chance. I had more life to live and more to give than just an exsistance. My life was for a reason and I was going to fight and make sure I lived that life so others could be blessed. The cancer may be real, the effect may be real. Even the world not stopping was real, but so was my stubborn determination to make my life count.
Cancer is a lonely road to find yourself on, but trust me it’s the stubbornness to survive that has given me the breath I breath today. Nearly 6 years ago I heard those words, then heard them again last year. But I was also able to hear the words that I heard 1 year ago. “You are in remission” I was at 4a once upon a time, the closest to terminal you can get to with out actually losing hope in the life you had. I am not saying that things are normal again. Because they are not, but what they are is honest, real, reflective, and Gracious. I am grateful for the breath that I breath, and want to love those around me. Care for people where once I did not even concider them. Please God forgive me for that. Who ever you are, whatever your going through, when someone hears the words “You have cancer” right then at that moment is when your life changes forever. Dare I even say, cancer will give you gifts along the way. It will be lonely, it will be something that’s an interference but ultimately you can help others too.
Just stand up and do, don’t live a life with regret. You have a life, Live it.
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories.
That’s what cancer did for me, it helped me to realise what was important in life. To many people in the world (myself included) are concerned with how much things are compared to the value of something in your life. I used to get woken up by birds singing, I even found it an irritation on times. They do get up early don’t they. Take right now, I can hear the birds chattering away, I love it. When I was in that hospital in isolation all I could do was see them, I longed to hear their chatter chatter. So now I listen to them at every possibility.you should try it, it’s a sound we all seem to block out. Yet when we listen yo it there is such beauty not only in being able to hear the birds, but also in the appreciation of life.
For me when I listen to the birds, problems seem to disappear. My heart becomes grateful for what I do have not what I could have. I become thankful for a life I have rather than hoping for more than I have. Why does it take for someone to face a hardship to realise the value of life. There have been many moments in my life that have been light bulb moments. One of those being the sentence in the movie “the lion king” Simbas girl friend says to him. “You are more than you have become” how very true that we all can be a better us. That we can choose to have a better thought process, choose to be positive rather than see problems. After all are problems not an oppertunity for a solution. It just depends how we choose to think in our own minds.
You can choose to listen to the birds if you like and appreciate your surrounding. Or you can let your circumstances you find yourself in, dictate to you. Or you can appreciate what you have had in life and be thankful.
For me today I choose to be thankful that 15 months ago I looked like this.
Because when I looked like this it has enabled me to have the freedom to value what I have today, LIFE. That bone marrow transplant has helped me to get to this position where I can listen to the birds. The question is.
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories.
Well I guess some people would frown at me for this post, well it’s still going up. Your reading it. It was 5 years ago when I was told that I needed chemo to survive. But to do that I may become infertile and may need to make a deposit at the women’s hospital in Liverpool. I had no idea what this was to entail, I had all sorts of thoughts what happens at the women’s hospital. Do they milk men like they milk Bulls and pigs. Was there a lady with a plastic glove that helps you, I know your laughing right. But have you got a sperm account, if not I guess you don’t know what’s involved either.
I decided I needed to go in my manly car, you know turn up with my Tom Cuise Aviator glasses on in my loud rather distinctive TVR. I had images of me arriving an strutting into the hospital full of energy and of course other stuff. Except the pictures that we have in our minds don’t quite work out like that do they. I mean I was going in a TVR which are unreliable to say the least. How did I expect to arrive all immaculate, well groomed and smooth. When I was going in a car that involved doing something to it on every trip. This trip was the same as the rest. It stopped running half way there and had to lie in the ground and hit the fuel pump with something hard. I ended up with oil on my face and smudged oil on my hands, and looked nothing like the fluffy Tom Cuise look I had in my mind on arrival.
When I arrived I was given a few consent forms to sign, one said. IF YOU DIE, YOU CONSENT TO …….. USING YOUR SPERM TO CONCIEVE. Oh, no one said it would be this way, that I would realise I had cancer like this. In fact non of the day had gone to plan so far, what ever that plan was. Anyway, apparently this invincible guy was about to become infertile and will not be able to have children. 10 years they would keep my boys for. But how would it happen, another guy sat near me also not aware of the given procedures.
After ( some time ) a lady said you can go into room 1 now. She came I mean went in there with me, this was the scene. The room had a dentist chair in it with a large roll of blue paper at the top of the head rest. The nurse pulled some of the paper over the dentist chair then switched on a large TV and told me there were a verity of channels to watch. I was told that I could make my deposit in the plastic container and then place into the wooden lift and press the buzzer and it would be frozen in nitrogen for 10 years. ” what channels I thought ” I remember my mum telling me not to look at dirty pictures growing up, so the underwear section of Kay’s catalougue was all I had to go on back then. I had learnt a little more since then, I was after all, married. But switching on a TV and erm well you know. In a hospital???! What? It just felt so so wrong, I told myself this was for my wife and maybe for my future son or daughter. I had not been blessed with children, but I was well aware of how they were made. Well we all know what happened there in that dentist chair, and the channel I watched will have to remain with me. I made my deposit pressed the buzzer, and up it went to were ever it gets stored. But that was not the embarrassing part. That was opening the door and looking to my right to see about 6 nurses, looking at my belt area. Oh boy, I don’t think I ever knew embarrament before then.
Six ladies all looking at me at the same time, why did they do that.. Well I know why, but even so. I said my good byes and went home. The second time I did that I asked my wife never to ask me to go again. She had 2 deposits and I hoped if she needed them because chemo did not work then she would enjoy bringing our child up. I prayed that I would make it though,.
So here we are , I don’t know if we will need to withdraw anything from my account as we try for a baby, that we hope for our little miracle because they did say that chemo may damage my swimmers. But what ever the outcome, we shall not be upset, and feel truly blessed if one day I hold my own son or daughter. So please pray that we have our miracle, that we don’t have to make a withdrawal. I hope you giggled in this post, it was created to lighten your day, but also to educate you that there is no lady to help you with gloves on, it’s all your own work.
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories.
It was nearly a year ago now when I was contacted by Daves wife, at the end of her rope as her husband was suffering on his journey with Cancer. He was not eating, just sleeping and seemingly given up. We had quite a long chat and I told her as it was, to be firm but kind with Dave. It was fairly soon after that Dave began to improve, he began talking to me through Facebook. We laughed and shared moments together that were actually quite private. Another friend of mine organised a meal for some of the people in Cancer stories to meet up, it was fantastic. Dave was the first person I saw, we hugged each other and that was the start of our friendship. A friendship where we both knew what it was like to suffer, we both knew also what it was like to be loved completely like another. I remember being at their home and while we were alone, Dave spoke so fondly of his wife, how much he lived her and how good she was to him. That she had given him hope and felt that he was stronger with his wife.
It touched me how he felt, His wife Anne told me how they met and how they fell in love. I felt so privalaged to even know these people, I was even given a chocolate eclair which was wonderful. That’s not why I liked them though, they were both so considerate towards me and always asked after my wife. I think it was 3 times we all met for a meal, and even though Dave was having chemo he still came, trusting that everybody at the meal was free from illness. He even pretended on one occasion that he was not coming and made my eyes leak when he walked through the door with a beaming smile on his face. Dave read about my fight in the Lancashire Evening Post, thats how he learned about our support group on Cancer stories.
As the weeks went by he became an integral part of Cancer stories. He encouraged people fighting, loved those that were hurting and was conciderate to those that were suffering. Me included. Dave had Liver cancer and whilst I will give out his surname in this blog, I can tell you Dave had the operations required. So that they as a couple might have more time together moving forwards. They have enjoyed days out after his operations, procedures and of course the dreaded chemo. Dave even finished his chemo and was over the moon and life was seemingly awesome, getting stronger eating more and visibly healthier. Smiling from ear to ear when ever we met.
They came to see us as a couple 3 times I believe and I really enjoyed their company. It was always a pleasure to spend time with them. They were fairly newly married and bounced around like teenagers in love, it’s amazing to see two people enjoying each other like them. I was just so pleased that they had found each other.
It was barley 2 weeks ago when Dave took a turn for the worse and the cancer began to grow again, he was brave about it and always sent me up beat messages. There is no one on this planet to be more conciderate, more sensitive, and tender as my friend Dave. Anne came to see me last week, Thursday. We had a coffee together and we shared a hug, and she picked up a card one of our cancer stories had sent to her. Anne stayed by Daves side as a pillar of strength though all he had to go through. Yesterday wendsday 6th July 2016 my dear friend lost his fight and breathed his last breath. Yesterday was a hard day for so many as everyone had to come to terms with the fact that he had passed away. My thoughts love and best wishes are with his family Anne’s family and his friends.
Dave was very keen on Golf, he was a Christian, a father, a husband, and a dear friend to many. I personally will miss Dave greatly, but I also have joy in my heart that he was able to have a life that gave so much love to so many. You were and are loved Greatly Dave. Now you are in no pain with the Angels in Heaven, I really enjoyed knowing you and being a part of life and thank you for being a great friend to me. We may not have known each other long but you touched my heart.
My love and prayers go out to all who Dave loved and all who loved Dave.
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories.
I will never forget the day I met faith and she met me. When I first saw faith our Labrador, she was not interested in what the other puppies were doing. She did what she wanted to, investigated what she wanted to. I was not able to put a pink collar on her when I chose her as when I went back another female puppy had a pink one on so I chose a man city blue collar. My wife’s a Manchester city fan. Our life as dog owners started when she was 8 weeks old, we were not able to take her out properly for another 4 weeks. I was amazed at how quickly me and our puppy Faith bonded, she followed me everywhere. Her space was a cage that I gave to a friend when he got his dog. She loved her crate and although we locked it at night. She was able to freely Go in and out as she pleased. Faith did not have many accidents as we took her out into the garden every 2 hours. Saying the words Pee pee when she did it. She soon associated the words with being good doing it outside. When she made a mistake inside we just took her out not saying anything.
I guess looking back it was my first go at parenting in a way, I know that sounds silly if you don’t own a dog. However I don’t have a son or a daughter so I am not able to compare. Faith has come everywhere with me and us, we taught her how to come towards us by using a ball. Every time she ran towards me or my wife we said our call word “come” she got it very quickly. Faith has been to Cornwall on holiday, Northumberland, to many friends homes and to many pubs. She has been awesome, she nearly died when she ate a bone so we have banned all bone eating now. I jarred her upside down front and rear until she sicked up the bone. That was a close one and I am just so pleased I thought to do that for her. This is what came out.
Sometimes she comes in our little TVR, she perches on the back shelf and rests her head on my shoulder.
We learnt in our journey with faith that, we did not need to spend much on toys for her to be entertained.
Well it’s been brilliant and I have enjoyed every moment with her. I have never actually wanted to be a parent, that is until today. Not properly, I have thought about it but never saw it as a possibility especially as having chemo has possibly rendered me infertile. So there I was today having a walk with our dog and we stopped for a coffee, there opposite was a couple with a dog and a baby. As we got chatting I found out the dad was my age, I did not ask how old his wife was but I assumed about my wife’s age. Of course I cannot say what that is. But as we left and indeed ever since I have been thinking about being a dad, thinking the JC words “How hard can it be” would I make as good a dad as I do a doggie parent. Could I actually make something we thought impossible happen.
Yea I know it’s all private stuff this but I am on a journey telling you guys how things are, I have shared my most inter ate moments in my cancer journey with you, so I guess I am going to do that for the rest of my life really arnt I. You have read about me, how cancer nearly beat me, now you will read about our new journey. How WE create a special gift, a legacy as my wife puts it. I am ready, our home is almost ready. Our Faithy would love a baby I know it, and my wife is ready. So here we start our journey to create our son or daughter. All because we went to Rufford hall today and met a most fantastic couple of parents. I said I would beat cancer, I did. I am now going to procreate and ask that be it Gods will that our miracle happens. Maybe you will pray for us to. Our life is for a purpose right, my Faithy has been a great grounding in the last 4 years, giving me the slightest inkling of what being a parent may entail.
So this is our Marley and me. That we call, Faithy and me. I hope you enjoy reading about our journey that I will share with you.
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories.
Is your today, like my today. 13 months after transplant and I am still feel pain from my treatment yet no one asks how I am. Just the empty question. “How are you”? Gets asked yet they don’t really want to know really you start to tell them and they glaze over. I have learnt this in my journey. To be selective in who you choose to be a friend. I used to be the first to the bar and the last to buy a drink. Now I value my time with people, love, help, comfort, enjoy, but above all respectand consider who I am with. I don’t expect anything from them, but it’s nice to be loved in what ever way they see fit.
We are not well in this house at the moment, but one thing is for sure. My wife will always want to be close to me and so will my wife. Cancer has ripped so many people off and I am determined that after fighting for 7 years that cancer will not dominate any more of my life except in a good way.
I want yo encourage people facing chemo, operations, what ever it is in cancer that there is and has been more than that. There is a boy I love called Mitch, I have watched his brave journey and prayed for him. In my mind it’s not about judging what someone was. But hopping who they could be. Mitch won. He had cancer in his head, had brain surgery yet he lives and encourages those in life that need it instead of saying. “What about me” what about you really. Should you not be doing?
For me life is about what we do do, what we don’t do is something that will never be a part of your history just what you could have been.
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories.
It’s so very important to set achievable goals when you face cancer. When your facing chemo or a terminal cancer it’s important to have short term goals that are obtainable. I mean some goals I had were getting to the next second. Smiling because even though I have illness it’s up to me to make some sunshine.
It’s down to us to make something good when facing something bad. To look for something positive in life even though we think there is nothing to be positive around us. On thing I used to have as a target and still do, is to remember something that made me smile, a time we enjoyed together. I remember how many times I watched our wedding DVD, the happy day that we shared together, the love we shared with our friends.
Don’t get me wrong some days I would just cry, I would not be able to help crying, I just did. I cryed and cryed and cryed some days. I learnt that days like that were good as my brain was being washed with all the toxins chemo had left me with. I learnt that even those days were good days. Why because I was able to have a better few minutes afterwards. Cancer taught me that life can be taken from us as we know it in an instant. One moment we are doing what we love then the next moment so it seems, a doctor says those dreadful words. “You have cancer” then the old normal has been left behind.
Only right then can we understand what the importance of laughter friendship and love is. How important it is to recall all the good we had in our lives and how important it is to make happy moments in our lives today. Because as you and I both know, there is no tomorrow. There is only today for us to make a differance, but we also are able to recall the good times we had before cancer came and it’s for sure been a vital part of my life with cancer. There is always something we can do, don’t give up, remember the beauty you have had and have in your life. Me personally I believe in Jesus, I believe in the power of God also. I also believe that we are given strength by his people. That it’s up to us to see the good in someone, and also do good for someone. What ever you may believe in the spiritual world, that’s your choice. But does it matter what another believes. Should we not love our fellow man anyway, find something positive and do anyway.
Don’t get me wrong there is evil in this world that we will never understand, but the only way to make this world a better place is to do something yourself. Choose to do something, remember something good. Give something good to someone, even if that which you give is a memory, or a reminder of a memory. There is always a way to bring sunshine to someone’s life.
I hope you choose to.
Fonz
This weekend I have had the honour of meeting many people, yet I should not really be here myself. I when I got cancer the second time realised I could let it beat me, or I could fight. So like I had the pleasure of sharing this weekend, the first post I wrote was. ” I am Mark, a cancer fighter. I will win!” Arrogant, or determined. Well arrogance is not based on what is not seen, so I would say determination. In life, it’s what we choose to do that matters, what we choose to not do has no effect on our lives, except negative. What really? Well yes because doing nothing is erm just that isn’t it, doing NOTHING.
I love people that do with thier lives, people that say yes to doing rather than making an excuse not to do. Are you with me? Ok so people that want to do and don’t just say they will but do do. I saw pictures today that would be hard for some to comprehend. Like a hook as big as a house. Yea like I said some will not be able to imagine. There is a point to this trust me.
So for me giving up in that room was the easiest, it was really really easy to just let go of my life that my parents had given me. They had joined together and made me, I was made in love through their passion and love for each other. Now whilst I may never totally understand my parents, I do want to thank them for my life. But do I just have them to thank, do I not also have someone else to thank much greater and knowledgable than me. Do I not have my maker to thank, the person that put my parents together. Well that’s thanks to Bible collage, yea I know wild right.
It does not matter how your life started, it matters how you value what you are, who you are and what you stand for. what your life means. Well for me mine is a statement of what can be achieved. We live in a generation where we hear of much going on all around us on social media. Love hate and much inbetween. Yet it’s our choice still what we choose to do or not to do. I have chosen in the past to hate, and I was proberbly hated aswell. But I have this to tell you today, loving someone and being loved by someone is a gift you give and a gift you take given to you by someone else. People choose to love you and I find the most amazing times I have had since choosing to beat cancer have been choosing to be myself. To be who I am, for years before cancer I had times where I tried to please others by being something. But not me. I did try to be a person I did not know. Tried maybe to impress where there was no need, forgetting that the real me was actually me.
That the real me was the best me there is and was. That I am not a failure, I am not living a life for nothing. So I leave you with this statement.
“The real you is the best you, just be you”!
Trust me if someone does not want to be in your future it’s their loss.
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories.
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Our girls puppies
fonzandcancer blogging to encourage. 