Mr Nasty.

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You could change a life by sharing this post! Will you?

Relativity

26 Sunday Feb 2017

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Tags

belief, depression, faith, hope, manchester, relavant, relavency, survival, united

Relativity

So is it possible, to change how we feel inside. Is not how we feel relative to our souroundings, is not how we respond relative to what we think and say things will be. Today I want to help you. Someone said to me the other day, that our family has mental health issues. I laughed inside, because I realised at that moment that the persons point of view was indeed right. That her family did have mental health issues, but then as I thought on the sentence and considered it. I realised that the sentence was relative to that persons experience and it was up to me to accept it as relavance in my life or to change what is relavant to us in our lives.

How many times have you said “oh no not such and such again” or “we have to go again” things we do and say in our lives are relative to our surroundings. So whose responsible for these surroundings, the people that suggest the relevancy in our lives. The throw away sentence of “there is mental health in our family” was a statement believed by that person. See my relavancy is this. We have strong people in our family. The two refer to the same thing, but we are taking from it what we deem to be relavant in our own lives. WE (Me and my wife) do our best to turn seemingly negative situations around. That’s why I write. One song we listen to a lot is

We listened to it a lot when I was having treatment, and we still desire to have the relavance of faith in our lives. I tell my wife often how much I appreciate her, and that there is power in we. I personally believe that forgiveness is one of the most poswerful tools in the world and without it people can’t move on. It’s not possible to find a relavancy that’s stronger than the negativity that surrounds other sentences feeling s and actions. People have said to me “I am depressed” “there is depression in our family” well your right. Because that’s the relavancy you have chosen to adopt in your life. I prefer “We are surounded by fighters”

Who you are in life depends on your own personal relavancy to situations, you choose to include in your life what ever you believe to be relative to you. One thing I do know and that is I prefer things and people that smile and speak positively. I find people like that relative to how I want to live my life. Now that’s not to say that your not supposed to feel grief, that your not supposed to get sad. Of course you are, again that’s relative to your own situation. If you have just watched someone fight cancer and die, your relavancy would be different to someone that had gotten a disease and chosen to give up to it and die. Trust me the two are the same in that they both involve the person dying. But the relavancy in the two situations are very different.

LIFE in most situations is up to us, but the relavancy we choose is for sure 100% up to us. What we choose to be relavant to is in a situation is for sure our choice. What others say is their choice.

My challenge to you is this, can you find relavancy in your situation that helps you today?

I hope you do.

Fonz

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Ps, I have committed to doing this for 365 days every morning, what I ask of you is that you share these blogs I make on email, facebook twitter, you can affect people by pressing a button. Please do that. I asked ppl to share yesterday 18/05/2015 at 8pm they did and 100 people saw my blogs in 2 hours. It only takes a click or two.

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

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Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone

else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.

#PuppyWatch

25 Saturday Feb 2017

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Gig, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Puppies, Relationships, Suicide, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

belief, belonging, childbirth, faith, GOD, hope, IVF, life, love, Puppies, purpose, tvr

#PuppyWatch

So what’s the most amazing thing in life. I have just said it, its life itself. Judging people makes an unhappy life in my opinion, people like some church goers think that having a religion gives them a reason to judge. The hardest thing I think is to come to a point of acceptance for who someone is. To love them anyway even though you may not agree with another’s method. Well that brings me to answer the question as to why we have chosen to have puppies and not children.

WE DIDNT.

Someone else chose for us, someone with a pen and paper computer and no logic. Someone that said we should have chosen to have children sooner. That we should have considered my wife’s age and mine and not left it so long. You see, when I first got cancer I was told my sperm would stop working, that maybe I should go and store some should I wish and indeed we wish to have children in the future. I was 41 when I donated and hoped one day that we would have children of our own. So I beat cancer and by the time I had regained some kind of strength I found it had come back and would need a transplant of my stem cells to preserve my life. The worst months of my life. All written about here in this blog.

Sorry
My life has been consumed with hope that one day I would look face to face at my son or daughter. It was not to be and whilst my wife is fit, and has enough eggs we are being refused IVF unless we pay for it. Of course it’s at appeal and even though I have messaged the BBC and many other people no one seems interested that a system that has made me infertile cannot help us. In true Fonz style though. I have started a new journey, the one of new life through the puppies our Miriacle Faith has created. It’s a blessing in a different way. But still life. More people are being touched by the blessing of life because we fought the Evil of cancer. I don’t know about you, but it fills me with a sense of pride. Happiness that others will benifit because someone ticked the NO box. But I do still hope that someone somewhere hears my story who can help us. I will just keep writing and blessing people.

It’s nearly time for our 6pm #PuppyWatch where people will tune in to see their puppies. What a privalage that is, to know such gifts of life because of something that tried to take my life.

You can be anything you choose to be, but surely doing something is better than doing nothing.

Have a great day

Fonz

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Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

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Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.

Friends are the family we choose.

16 Thursday Feb 2017

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Gig, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Super Bowl 50, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 6 Comments

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belief, faith, family, friends, GOD, hope, strength, together

Friends are the family we choose.

As I sit here on the settee minding my Dam ‘Faith’ I am watching the movie ‘CREED’ it’s brought a lot of memories back to my mind. Rekindled my cancer journey and even why I embarked on treatment in the first place. The first reason of course was my wife. My friend turned LIFE long partner, then my wife. Which she will be till my last breath. Loads of things are spinning around in my head, in not very long faith will give birth to her puppies. Life will be because of the fights I have had to have and won. Strange for me to think, that without cancer there would be no Faith. Without cancer I may not have realised who my fake friends were, but also who my real, true friends were and indeed are the family I have chosen.

It’s bringing back to my mind not just why I beat cancer but how. In the film Rocky gets the cancer I had, which opens the flood gates for me every time. I can’t help remembering the day, the day your told what’s making you so tired and weak. You see when you fight cancer, it’s every scan, every blood test every chemo. It’s Avery person that sends you a text that helps you to go that one more round when you think you can’t. That’s what beating cancer is about, ‘one round at a time’ Faiths about to give birth and whilst she will never understand the words I write, our friendship is without a doubt real.

What ever you face on your journey, I want you to know that you can. That no matter how many obstacles there are in the way. If you keep getting up and moving forwards that you can. You have to have the heart to stand and move forwards though. I don’t know about you but the friends I call family have given me the strength to get up when I thought I couldn’t. The visits from people when I didn’t want them, because I wanted to give in to cancer and die. I want to right here right now, thank those people for helping me get to today, for my actual family for the love and support they showed me to. That through his people God gave me the strength to choose life.. in choosing life, there will be new life in the form of faiths puppies.

So thank you cancer, and thank you for helping me choose life.

Together we are stronger.

Fonz

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Ps, I have committed to doing this to encourage people, what I ask of you is that you share these blogs I make on email, facebook twitter, you can affect people by pressing a button. It only takes a click or two.

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. I

Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them hereby to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.

The walk, that wasn’t a walk walk.

15 Sunday Jan 2017

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 15 Comments

Tags

belief, faith, grace, hope, knowledge, lakes, love, walk, waterfall

The walk, that wasn’t a walk walk.

In life sometimes we just have to accept who we are, and who we are not. When you have had the battles that cancer fighters have even a small achievement is better than no achievment what so ever. So today my challenge having arrived at 11.29 at a walk that set off at 11-20 was to play catch up. Me and faith were keen, faith (my lab) was excited. She does this whining when she is excited, she jumps up and down, with her tongue out. Even though I sent her on ahead, to follow the trail ( I made her smell the car of one of the walkers) she led the way for me but never let me out of her sight, it was to amount to nothing however. So why am I blogging about this, well it’s because when you are faced with cancer you place goals in your mind. You hope that one day just one day that there may be some level of the normality that once was. I personally hoped to make new friends and to befriend people with new perspectives. You see, when someone (anyone) gets cancer. People show true colours they tend to not understand what you face and that has a result of loneliness. People show you how much you mean to them by the actions they make towards you. The commitment some people show towards you in your time of need is humbling. But there are not many that stay by your side, most don’t understand and leave you to deal with it alone.

I remember being in that room imagining the very walk I endeavoured to do today, you know uphill with running streams and fallen trees and wildlife although I never envisaged cows. But there were.

I was hopeful I could take some great shots today and make some memories, to get better at using my IPhone whilst enjoying other people’s company. Now those that know me know I have a lot of pain killers and today I took 90mg of codine to enable me to be able to walk. I had food and water and was prepared for a walk. I was told it was an easy walk and I would have no problem. However the night before my friend (he’s the type of friend that carlsberg would make) if they made friends. He told me it would be to much, the lakes is for seasoned walkers he said. Of course I am a beginner in every sense. As I moved forwards as fast as I could I slipped and fell and hit my head, fortunately I was wearing my trappers hat. I realised right there and then, the condition of my body is such that things like this are beyond me. I sat on a stone and knew that I had higher expectations of myself than were actually possible. It filled me with sadness and I don’t mind saying I even shed a tear as I sat there. Faiths head on my lap, even her eyes said “Dad its to soon”

It was with regret that I turned around and began to face what I had not allowed myself to do before. Accept I was not able, and whilst I had been wildly eager and went against all the advice of all the people that know and love me. I then had to accept that I needed to do lesser walks. Steep slopes are not within my capabilities, with a lump in my treat I headed home. No phones were in service and hope was gone.

As I walked back I took a couple of pictures to remember where I had been.

Some of you know I love pictures and that they speak to me, this photo speaks of life. That this little river I was stood in was going somewhere else to where the walkers were going. It was somewhere different to where the walkers were going where it flowed to and maybe my path although different. Would still have a meaning somewhere, I didn’t give up I got there, me and faith shared time together and whilst I feel like I have failed in some way, we did get onto the hill.

So what’s the punch line, well it’s this.

” what ever you think in your mind, where ever that is. Remember that just because it does not end up how you imagined, that does not mean you failed at something. It’s just different. ” our paths even though we choose them, don’t always end up the way we had planned. But what’s important is that we have a goal, and in doing something you will achieve something. I mean this blog for a start, will be written forever and will encourage someone somewhere. That’s because today did not go to what I had planned. So already there is something positive. You just read it.

Have a great day
Fonz

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A Fallen Tree.

19 Monday Sep 2016

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 17 Comments

Tags

athiest, belief, cancer, chemotheropy, faith, health, hope, operation, pain, paralypian, surgery

In life we have many things to deal with, many we don’t know what they entail, or what the outcome will be. My day has been consumed today, consumed with hurt for another an a family. Consumed with what has been, what will be and what could be. 2 of my cancer friends face surgery this week, and I have prayed virtually all day for them and their families. So I want to try to encourage anyone facing journeys like theirs in the future. I may need you to think about pressing the share button on this one.

I will attempt to tell my story today through pictures.

The two pictures above signify what is ahead. That we can see what is there, yet it’s still uncertain, no one knows who or what’s behind any of those trees. Yet you and I would walk there if we could, we would believe by faith that we would be ok when you hot to the end of the path, turning the corner and believing you will be ok when you get to the next corner as well. If your an atheist, or a believer. You have to have faith, it’s impossible to walk without faith. You have faith in a chair when you sit on it. Belief your legs will hold you when you walk. We all have faith everyday without even thinking about it. It’s only when something happens to us do we start to appreciate what life truly is. As I watched my dog “Faith” enjoying her walk I asked God to show me something, to show me possibly something that would help me write this blog. This is what he showed me.

A fallen tree.

When I talk to God, the voice I hear with in me that some people call conscience. I began to understand that the fallen tree still had life, although it had hit the ground it still had life. It had taken one hell of a fall, some of its branches were broken and was quite obviously different to when it had been stood upright, yet it was still alive. It got me thinking that even a tree with no soul could adopt a new way of living. Just like us who have had a life changing experience.

I began taking pictures of my surroundings, the sign

All those paths were ahead of me yet I would only choose one. There was the tunnel, that could not be seen through from some angles.

Yet wether I could see through it or not, did not change what was or was not in that tunnel. The tunnel was always going to be the same if I could see through it or not. I have had to learn to stop punishing myself for the life I have lived, rather to change the life I will live. Whist cancer has struck me down like the tree, I still live a life. I can still breath like the tree can. The life that I have fought for was always going to be this bad, the pain I feel was always going to be this way. Only to get to enjoy what I have now I had to put faith in what was in front of me, the surgeons, the nurses, the chemo, the treatments, the phycological effects cancer has had on my life were all going to be there.

The bridges I had to cross to keep my life many have walked, many have also believed the walk was worth it. I guess for me it’s better to have faith in what is than fear of the unknown. We can’t change what was, we can’t change the path required to get there, but we can change how we see our life. Change how we see the fallen tree, maybe some will just see a tree that’s fallen over. I see a tree with a new way of living. What ever your way of living is, isn’t wrong. What is wrong though is not making the best of what you have. Seeing the bad as opposed to success. You have an opertunity of how to use your path that you choose, you will always have to walk the path you choose. Will always meet the people that you should meet. The thing that makes you special is what you choose to do. How you use the experiences you have.

What Faith chose she loved, even though her dad was actually quite embarrassed as she (again) jumped in right under the “no dogs swimming” sign. If you have an oppertunity to continue with life I rather hope you choose to do what’s required. Today my friend Pam ( who I dedicate this post to ) had to walk a very tough path. But she did, she has walked onto the bridge and walked forwards. Of course a new life will be hers, but I tip my hat to you Pam as do we all.

If you have never suffered, make sure you do all life has to offer you. Sing even if people can hear, dance if people can see. You have a life and however your living that life is a blessing to you, make your life a blessing to others. I dare you

Fonz

Ps someone put this sign up to. It rather made me laugh.

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Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories.

I used to hear the birds sing, now I listen.

21 Sunday Aug 2016

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 20 Comments

Tags

belief, choice, fear, hope, jesus, love, motogp, positive, Rio, teamGB, youth

That’s what cancer did for me, it helped me to realise what was important in life. To many people in the world (myself included) are concerned with how much things are compared to the value of something in your life. I used to get woken up by birds singing, I even found it an irritation on times. They do get up early don’t they. Take right now, I can hear the birds chattering away, I love it. When I was in that hospital in isolation all I could do was see them, I longed to hear their chatter chatter. So now I listen to them at every possibility.you should try it, it’s a sound we all seem to block out. Yet when we listen yo it there is such beauty not only in being able to hear the birds, but also in the appreciation of life.

For me when I listen to the birds, problems seem to disappear. My heart becomes grateful for what I do have not what I could have. I become thankful for a life I have rather than hoping for more than I have. Why does it take for someone to face a hardship to realise the value of life. There have been many moments in my life that have been light bulb moments. One of those being the sentence in the movie “the lion king” Simbas girl friend says to him. “You are more than you have become” how very true that we all can be a better us. That we can choose to have a better thought process, choose to be positive rather than see problems. After all are problems not an oppertunity for a solution. It just depends how we choose to think in our own minds.

You can choose to listen to the birds if you like and appreciate your surrounding. Or you can let your circumstances you find yourself in, dictate to you. Or you can appreciate what you have had in life and be thankful.

For me today I choose to be thankful that 15 months ago I looked like this.

Because when I looked like this it has enabled me to have the freedom to value what I have today, LIFE. That bone marrow transplant has helped me to get to this position where I can listen to the birds. The question is.

Will you?

Fonz

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My account.

11 Monday Jul 2016

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Super Bowl 50, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 24 Comments

Tags

belief, cancer, chemotheropy, children, faith, fertility, hope, love, stories, together

Well I guess some people would frown at me for this post, well it’s still going up. Your reading it. It was 5 years ago when I was told that I needed chemo to survive. But to do that I may become infertile and may need to make a deposit at the women’s hospital in Liverpool. I had no idea what this was to entail, I had all sorts of thoughts what happens at the women’s hospital. Do they milk men like they milk Bulls and pigs. Was there a lady with a plastic glove that helps you, I know your laughing right. But have you got a sperm account, if not I guess you don’t know what’s involved either.

I decided I needed to go in my manly car, you know turn up with my Tom Cuise Aviator glasses on in my loud rather distinctive TVR. I had images of me arriving an strutting into the hospital full of energy and of course other stuff. Except the pictures that we have in our minds don’t quite work out like that do they. I mean I was going in a TVR which are unreliable to say the least. How did I expect to arrive all immaculate, well groomed and smooth. When I was going in a car that involved doing something to it on every trip. This trip was the same as the rest. It stopped running half way there and had to lie in the ground and hit the fuel pump with something hard. I ended up with oil on my face and smudged oil on my hands, and looked nothing like the fluffy Tom Cuise look I had in my mind on arrival.

When I arrived I was given a few consent forms to sign, one said. IF YOU DIE, YOU CONSENT TO …….. USING YOUR SPERM TO CONCIEVE. Oh, no one said it would be this way, that I would realise I had cancer like this. In fact non of the day had gone to plan so far, what ever that plan was. Anyway, apparently this invincible guy was about to become infertile and will not be able to have children. 10 years they would keep my boys for. But how would it happen, another guy sat near me also not aware of the given procedures.

After ( some time ) a lady said you can go into room 1 now. She came I mean went in there with me, this was the scene. The room had a dentist chair in it with a large roll of blue paper at the top of the head rest. The nurse pulled some of the paper over the dentist chair then switched on a large TV and told me there were a verity of channels to watch. I was told that I could make my deposit in the plastic container and then place into the wooden lift and press the buzzer and it would be frozen in nitrogen for 10 years. ” what channels I thought ” I remember my mum telling me not to look at dirty pictures growing up, so the underwear section of Kay’s catalougue was all I had to go on back then. I had learnt a little more since then, I was after all, married. But switching on a TV and erm well you know. In a hospital???! What? It just felt so so wrong, I told myself this was for my wife and maybe for my future son or daughter. I had not been blessed with children, but I was well aware of how they were made. Well we all know what happened there in that dentist chair, and the channel I watched will have to remain with me. I made my deposit pressed the buzzer, and up it went to were ever it gets stored. But that was not the embarrassing part. That was opening the door and looking to my right to see about 6 nurses, looking at my belt area. Oh boy, I don’t think I ever knew embarrament before then.

Six ladies all looking at me at the same time, why did they do that.. Well I know why, but even so. I said my good byes and went home. The second time I did that I asked my wife never to ask me to go again. She had 2 deposits and I hoped if she needed them because chemo did not work then she would enjoy bringing our child up. I prayed that I would make it though,.

So here we are , I don’t know if we will need to withdraw anything from my account as we try for a baby, that we hope for our little miracle because they did say that chemo may damage my swimmers. But what ever the outcome, we shall not be upset, and feel truly blessed if one day I hold my own son or daughter. So please pray that we have our miracle, that we don’t have to make a withdrawal. I hope you giggled in this post, it was created to lighten your day, but also to educate you that there is no lady to help you with gloves on, it’s all your own work.

Have a great day

Fonz

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It’s about determination.

26 Sunday Jun 2016

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

belief, determination, eu, fear, fulfilment.grace, hope, love, referendum

This weekend I have had the honour of meeting many people, yet I should not really be here myself. I when I got cancer the second time realised I could let it beat me, or I could fight. So like I had the pleasure of sharing this weekend, the first post I wrote was. ” I am Mark, a cancer fighter. I will win!” Arrogant, or determined. Well arrogance is not based on what is not seen, so I would say determination. In life, it’s what we choose to do that matters, what we choose to not do has no effect on our lives, except negative. What really? Well yes because doing nothing is erm just that isn’t it, doing NOTHING.

I love people that do with thier lives, people that say yes to doing rather than making an excuse not to do. Are you with me? Ok so people that want to do and don’t just say they will but do do. I saw pictures today that would be hard for some to comprehend. Like a hook as big as a house. Yea like I said some will not be able to imagine. There is a point to this trust me.

So for me giving up in that room was the easiest, it was really really easy to just let go of my life that my parents had given me. They had joined together and made me, I was made in love through their passion and love for each other. Now whilst I may never totally understand my parents, I do want to thank them for my life. But do I just have them to thank, do I not also have someone else to thank much greater and knowledgable than me. Do I not have my maker to thank, the person that put my parents together. Well that’s thanks to Bible collage, yea I know wild right.

It does not matter how your life started, it matters how you value what you are, who you are and what you stand for. what your life means. Well for me mine is a statement of what can be achieved. We live in a generation where we hear of much going on all around us on social media. Love hate and much inbetween. Yet it’s our choice still what we choose to do or not to do. I have chosen in the past to hate, and I was proberbly hated aswell. But I have this to tell you today, loving someone and being loved by someone is a gift you give and a gift you take given to you by someone else. People choose to love you and I find the most amazing times I have had since choosing to beat cancer have been choosing to be myself. To be who I am, for years before cancer I had times where I tried to please others by being something. But not me. I did try to be a person I did not know. Tried maybe to impress where there was no need, forgetting that the real me was actually me.

That the real me was the best me there is and was. That I am not a failure, I am not living a life for nothing. So I leave you with this statement.

“The real you is the best you, just be you”!

Trust me if someone does not want to be in your future it’s their loss.

Fonz

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How I gave up smoking.

17 Friday Jun 2016

Tags

belief, chemotheropy, family, hope, joe, killing, love, mcmillan, nicotine, strength, winning.

I don’t know about the rest of the world, but for me when I got hodgkins Lymphoma. I was told that there was no evidence to people getting my cancer through life style. Ie drinking or smoking, or eating. So for me I was not being told to give up cigerettes and it’s not going to give me a better chance of not getting it again by not smoking. So I didn’t, I smoked throughout my whole cancer exsperience. Even when I was in treatment I still smoked at home. .

Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 5 Comments

Accept who you are not what you were.

14 Tuesday Jun 2016

Tags

belief, chemotheropy, depression, google, hate, hope, love, mistake, prison, yourself, youtube

U can be who you want to be, that’s what I tell my wife. Some words I may have said before but I know that what I write now will help someone today or sometime in the future. I have not been here for a while, I apologise. I have been helping my good friend to errect my conservatory. I have spoken before in my last post about impossible, that the only part of impossible that stops it big possible is the I’m in the word. Is not the only person that matters holding your past against you. Is, erm you? Is it not you that’s giving you a hard time maybe feeling guilty for your past, something you did or did not do? One thing I do know is that what someone else’s opinion is is both nothing to do with you, and nothing to do with them. Let go what someone else thinks about you, what you are is in your hands and your past does NOT define your future.

Your future starts in the next hour, the next afternoon. But always today, your future does not start tomorrow. You are the one that chooses who you are. You also chose what you were, but that’s not a part of your future , only if you want it to be. Your past is in your hands, it’s up to you yo hold on to it or let it go. It’s up to you to let your past mood you and benifit your future. No one is to blame for your future, only you. Don’t start yo tell me yes but such and such and this and that, you choose what happens next. You really do, don’t be a head hanger. Hold your head up high and keep moving forwards, keep believing in yourself and keep doing.

Believe me I could show you pictures of me that say I want to give up, I could tell you stories of how cancer has made me want to check out, how I have thought badly of myself because of who I was and what I did. Trouble with that is that people will believe what ever it is you believe of yourself and there are plenty of people willing to be negative about you out there so why actually be one yourself. Be good to you, say good things about you. Above all do good to others every day of your life, that’s really important. Use your life, don’t regret your life.

Fonz

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Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Carling cup final, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 14 Comments

Conqueror.

21 Saturday May 2016

Tags

belief, bible, cancer, chemotheropy, faith love, hope, jesus, relationship

Throughout the year if you look back at my blog, I have spoken many times how I would rather stand tall and fight. Rather than roll over and allow the cancer to defeat me, I woke up this morning with this song ringing in my head so clearly. I wondered if I had it in my I tunes collection. What do ya know, it was there so I have routed out the you tube video. It’s the words that ring true in my head, because my blog is about encouragement. That you can. That you WILL. That life will get better that your dreams can be a reality.

Life is like a big merry-go-round,

You’re up and then down,

Going in circles trying to get to where you are.

Everybody’s been counting you out,

Where are they now?

Sitting in the same old place,

Just faces in the crowd.

We all make mistakes,

You might fall on your face,

But you gotta get up!
[Chorus:]

I’d rather stand tall

Than live on my knees,

‘Cause I am a conqueror,

And I won’t accept defeat!

Try telling me no,

One thing about me

Is I am a conqueror,

I am a conqueror!

Ooh oh
Got a vision that no one else sees,

Lot of dirty work, roll up your sleeves,

Remember there’s a war out there,

So come prepared to fight!

You never know wherever the road leads you,

Not everyone’s gonna believe you,

Even though they’re wrong, don’t prove them right.
[Chorus:]

I’d rather stand tall

Than live on my knees,

‘Cause I am a conqueror,

And I won’t accept defeat!

Try telling me no,

One thing about me

Is I am a conqueror,

I am a conqueror!

Ooh oh
I am a conqueror!

We all make mistakes,

You might fall on your face,

but you gotta get up!

We all make mistakes,

You might fall on your face,

Don’t ever give up!
[Chorus:]

I’d rather stand tall

Than live on my knees,

‘Cause I am a conqueror,

And I won’t accept defeat!

Try telling me no,

One thing about me

Is I am a conqueror,

I am a conqueror!

Ooh oh
I am a conqueror

We all make mistakes,

You might fall on your face,

But I am a conqueror!
The song speaks of moving on from your mistakes, but I want to use it in your battle. What ever that may be. Relationship, desease, illness, berievment, some sadness in your life. This post is for you, to tell you, to proclaim that you can over come. That you, yes you are more than a conquerer. In life we all come across the hurdles that try to make us fall on our face, and yes sometimes we do find ourselves flat on our faces wondering what the hell just happened. But there is beauty to be found in this situation you find yourself in. Because if you find yourself on the floor, there is only one way you can go from there and that’s up. To stand and face what’s to come, to stand tall and be a conquerer. It is of course but a choice and it is up to us to start again. Today is day 366+ since my BMT now I am starting to believe I will be cancer free forever. That all the prayers, kind messages of faith love and hope have given me the strength to conquer cancer. Given me the strength and passion to defeat the evil that is cancer.

I want you to know, that even if you feel you are unable. That right there is where you show your fellow man your strengths, because when we feel we are not able to carry on, that right there is when we are able to show just what we are made of. That’s where the true winners are, at the end of the rope. They are the ones that tie a knot in the rope and dig in, I want to encourage you today. That what you think is impossible is possible, that you can. That YOU are more that a conquerer.

I truly believe that you can, and I hope that you choose to stand tall today.

Fonz

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≈ 18 Comments

Do it anyway.

15 Sunday May 2016

Tags

belief, cancer, challenge, chemo, down, hope, perseverance, reality

Well there it is, we went to a place today that had a suspended staircase. Quite high up, many that know me know I am scared of heights, or just not keen. It’s a feeling I have when I am not seemingly in control, wires suspending me in mid air just don’t rock my boat in fact I would much prefer a world without any heights what so ever. But hey we don’t live in a world where anything is perfect do we. But what really is it that stops us doing anything, why do we let fear or any other feeling stop us from doing anything at all. After all what we choose to do or not do, won’t we still feel the feeling we feel anyway.

As I approached those stairs, I was told the risks. That if I suffered from vertigo don’t do it, if you don’t like heights don’t do it. Well my friends wife Said to me. “Just do it anyway” Her words compelled me to do just that, to turn what a thought was impossible into a memory. My thoughts again went to my transplant and how impossible that was, yet I was able through faith, self belief, prayer and doing it anyway. I managed it. So surely a few steps would not stand in my way. Would they?

My thought pattern was if I can do my BMT I can walk up those steps. I put one step in front of the other anyway, I walked up them anyway. It did not change what I felt, I still felt the fear. I still had the same feelings but I did it anyway. It was a victory and although I did not hang around to see the view but I did do it anyway.

It’s a challenge I would like to make to you, that no matter how something makes you feel that you yourself, find it in you to do the same. To look outside of what you think is possible and do it anyway. I think you will suprise yourself. A couple of days later I walked over a rope bridge that I never considered doing in the past due to my fear of heights. Doing something that you think is impossible makes you more of a person, it hones you and moods you into a person that becomes a beacon. Smoothing the rough edges of you making the diamond that you are. Shine brighter. I guess it’s down to that choice again as to what you want out of life. To do it anyway or to change nothing.

What will you do?

Fonz

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http://biblehub.com/niv/john/12.htm

Not what I want to write.

01 Sunday May 2016

Tags

belief, commitment, Depressed, faith, hope, love, oppertunities

Today I have to blog, because I said I would. I should be uploading all the photos from the capital one cup, maybe even blogging about the joy of the winning team, but if I am honest. The pain in my hands and legs consumes me today, I have no strength to be what I want to be today, no ability it seems to be the me that shrugs off so much and turns around so many situations. Today I have to rest, our dog faith can sense I am not myself, maybe it’s normal for the losing teams members to feel a lull when losing a match that we feel should have been ours.

But I know that it’s not because of the match, it feels like a punishment. A consequence even of having cancer means that the damage the cure has caused. Means that after doing comes pain, tomorrow I will write about accepting who we are. I feel really hacked off that I find myself with such low abilities, such high pain and such feelings that I feel should not be mine.

I started writing this some 8 weeks ago, yet I find myself feeling the same again today. Every time I do in a day I am punished the next day. So my reward today even though I may feel so bad, it’s to look at what yesterday’s efforts achieved. To rejoice that I am still able to coordinate the right people at the right time to at least make things happen for our future.

I know I wrote about this, have written about this, and will write about this again. Why because it’s all part of healing, all part of the cancer journey that I am on. Although cured dealing with the aftermath. But then you get rewards like this when you push on.

Maybe not entirely because of my hands, but most certainly because of the relationships I maintain. Even though I may not want to write some of the things I do, I even so concider it a privalage to be able to write ( even what I don’t want to write ) life in itself is a privalage and one I intend to enjoy one I want to see things happen, even if it will give me the pain I may feel the next day. Happiness seems to be my enemy, and whilst my happiness (our happiness) maybe tarnished by pain and my joy maybe quashed somewhat. Still I look for what is positive, still I look to make something hood out of something bad. When we started this project, we had to demolish a perfectly good and pufuntary building.

I started relating it to my whole journey again, that the conservatory that was had to be removed for a new one to take its place. That I could accept the small size and do nothing, or I could get rid of what was to replace it with something new. A but like my transplant. That the desease had taken hold of my body and for me to live a longer life, the blood that gave me life needed to be replaced in part so I could continue to live. The process hurt, I looked a mess for a time. Here are some pictures and videos of it all happening.

Sometimes we have to die to ourselves to become made anew, it reminded me of a verse in the bible. John 12 v23

Change takes effort removing what was to enable us to become so much more than we thought was possible. Of course we can choose to do nothing as I could but what would be achieved by doing that? Nothing can be achieved if even when we don’t feel like it we don’t carry on. By moving forward even an inch takes effort, choices we all make everyday. Cancer or illness I believe brings out the best in someone if they choose to find it. Choosing to keep moving forward makes you awesome, it makes you special. It means you know how to accept what you have to do to make things happen. Is that what you will choose, to lose what you are to be rebuilt to become a better you. Trust me you can.

Hope you like the video.

Fonz

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Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Carling cup final, Chemothearopy, depression, dogs, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Super Bowl 50, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 15 Comments

What cancer leaves you with.

15 Friday Apr 2016

Tags

attitude, belief, depression, full, hope, Lewis, love, marriage, rise

Maybe this post should have just remained locked away, maybe I should never have even written this. But I did, and I will not write like my mum and not share it. I will say it to the world, so that its there for eternity for you all to read. Cancer when it’s come in and screwed with your life leaves you with a part of what you were. I said to my wife these words. I held her hands and asked ” will what I am left with be enough for you? I don’t think it is myself, I am not able to give her what she needs. Cancer did take much from me, it took more than some of you will know. I am actually happy you will never know. Because I personally don’t want 1 more person to experience treatment for cancer. I am sick to death of doing my best everyday to only be a fraction of my previous self.

I am upset that the few friends I now have are but a fraction of what I did have. Although as a friend said the other day, “I have many acquaintances and few friends” I now know who the acquaintances were. Hell cancer has proberbly wrecked the marriage we would have had only having a fraction of what would have been. It’s so hard each day to carry on, it’s so hard each day yo muster the strength and do something. I am being honest here, I will because I know when ever I post to my blog someone feels comfort. Someone feels some reassurance that it’s normal to feel these feelings. Right now I am angry, really angry and sad that my life is not what I feel it should have been. So then, what do I do.

I take a deep breath in, I sigh I breath and reflect. I say ” God please forgive my shortfall.” Please use my words somewhere in the world. It’s not possible to post positives everyday, because I just am not super human. I am a man, I have weight trained become a powerhouse that in the end was beaten down by cancer. Yet I WILL rise again.

Lewis Hamilton said today, he had a 5 place grid penalty for having a new gear box. He said ” I need to look at the cup half ful, and take the oppertunity to rise” it’s how I live, to see oppertunity to rise rather than possibilities to fail. I will rise and keep on keeping on. I am not saying any of this so you feel pity, just so that with hope in your heart and an inner strength that you feel able to carry on. This is my life now, it’s a great shame that people have to put up with the effects of cancer. But maybe that’s better than the alternative. You have a life, and that life gives you oppertunity even if that is in something negative like illness. It’s just that you have to choose to see it as an oppertunity to rise. If you do. Rest assured you WILL rise and you will make a differance to someone’s life.

You are so much more than cancer or illness would have you believe. You will rise you just have to believe it.

Fonz

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Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 36 Comments

Can’t the world make each other happy.

05 Tuesday Apr 2016

Tags

belief, business, chemotheropy, faith, friendships, happiness, hope, love, mind, together

So much happens in this world I don’t understand, I don’t know about you. I do know one thing though, that is all I want in writing is to love and be loved. My first ever post I was a scared little boy in the blogging world. I knew not what to expect from that world. But the world I was most scared of was the cancer one. Saying the word cancer has a scary familierlarity that scares me now. I don’t want to be familiar with cancer, I don’t even want it to have a place in my life. But that said, I have fear in my heart for other people that may set off on the very journey I did. This journey has become about others not myself. Not my progress but the building of belief in others that they can.

It reminds me of a story written by someone else, but here is my interpretation. Two people ( they can be male or female) ) they are in hospital. One is not able to sit up and see out of the Window, the other is able. Everyday the one that is able is asked by the one that is not. “What do you see outside” each day the story is of sunshine, success and children playing together happily. Day after day the stories were the same. Sunshine, happiness and peace. Until one day when the one that was not able to sit up to see out the window sat up. To find he could only see a wall, there was no playground, no sunshine and no laughing children. Yet everyday in the mind of the healing person they saw happiness, saw smiles and felt happiness through the stories the other person shared with them.

The stories were giving hope, love and happiness to a body that needed to heal. We all have the chance each day to say something nice. I remember on Monday yesterday even laughing with my family, even heartily did we laugh even though the pain I felt was immense. Right there at that moment, or moments. With my wife, mum, dad, nephew, and sister in law. Who I would love to be my actual sister laughed heartily and loved completely. Is that not what the person that could see out of the window did. In doing so gave hope and helped another’s recovery.

We are a circle connected, if you help another in that circle you belong. You help. You have giving hope to another. Is that not an amazing thing to do, should not we all do this for someone everyday.?

This last 5 days have been tough, but there have been times of laughter and I have remembered good times. My advice. Hold onto the good times, and make as many times good as you can. Those moments only come once then they are gone forever.

Fonz

P s thank you for all you do and are going to do for another.

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The best you, there is.

18 Friday Mar 2016

Tags

belief, believe, Belive, carryon, chemotheropy, hope, love, motivation

Your faced with a path that you feel you don’t have the strength to complete. Well I am writing this to motivate you where you are at. What ever you face today, you are the best you that you can be, you are a you that no one else can be. I have realised something recently in my life, that you are what you give not what you have. We are not defined by what we have but by what we give. What you give does not have to be money, or things. As long as what you give is the best you there is.

A you that keeps moving forwards. Although Rocky Balboa is a made up character. Rocky has helped me in my life, the story sylvester initiated encouraged me to carry on. To finish my treatment, to get up when I thought it was not possible. I am reliving my bonemarrow transplant at the moment through a person that’s stuck in a room having what I had also. Remembering how many times me and my wife watched rocky 3 and 4 over and over and over. Gaining strength as I reached for the power within me. The power God gave me, that he gave me because I asked. You can carry on, you can win. You just have to stand and move forwards.NO MATTER WHAT!.

Listen to your heart, and keep moving forwards towards the goal you have set. You are not rich because of what you have, you are rich because of what you give.

PAIN does not last forever, use your pain as a viechle to help others. Choose to get up choose to reach out to someone and make a difference. Pain does not last for ever but what ever you do because of that pain will last a lifetime.

Fonz

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I can’t.

12 Saturday Mar 2016

Tags

belief, hope, love, mind, pearl, perseverance, roosevelt

Tell me I Can’t and I will show you I CAN. Have you watched the film ‘Peal harbour’ a film of how the Japanise massacred the Americans that were resting in their ships many times I felt as though I was not able to do things in my cancer treatment. Cancer treatment took away my abilities to carry on, even made me think negatively. How low I felt I can not even communicate to you. But I will say that how I felt was that life itself was impossible, that I should not even be alive. Thinking thoughts like ‘what’s the point in my treatment’ ‘surly it’s wasted treating me’ give it to someone who needs it. All these thoughts went though my head. Never once thinking, why do I have cancer, but why do I deserve to be treated.

So what of pearl harbour, well it was a poinient moment in the film where president Roosevelt, who contracted polio at 39 years old. His desease put him in a wheel chair, it took his ability to be able to stand and be mobile like other people that walked the planet. In a meeting where they planned how they would retaliate on the Japanese. He slowly stood, making the statement ‘do not tell me cant’ every time the wave came over me making me feel so low. When that happened to me, I remembered that moving part of the movie.saying to myself ‘if he can I can’ I removed can’t from my vocabulary. President Roosevelt although American and passed on. His legacy inspired me, it enthused me to believe that I could achieve where maybe at times it seemed impossible.

If you say you can’t, you will not be able to achieve. You have told yourself where your limits are, and you said you can’t. So it will be so. For me negativity needed to be removed, believing that I could. Using the examples set by great men of history. You are able to do whatever you say you are able to do, cancer, or illness is hard enough without making it harder again in your own mind. Real ease yourself to be able, tell yourself you can and trust me the load WILL be lightened. “I CAN” is one of the most powerful things you can say to yourself.

Replace can’t with can. Try it and see how different your life will be in a few short days. Trust me you really can start saying can.

Fonz

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Fatigue

26 Friday Feb 2016

Tags

belief, business, cancer, cheomotheropy, depression, fatigue, feeling low, hope, love, tiredness

If your fortunate to have not had a life threatening illness or an arduous fight to stay alive. Having the very make up of your cells reformed then the word fatigue you will think is just tiredness . You will also think that a sleep will cure it. When I was a recovery driver I experienced what most parents would experience in terms of how really tired feels. Falling asleep after 26 hours work to be woken up after 10 mins to have to go to a broken down car that needs to be recovered 200 miles. I really do know what tiredness feels like. Fatigue however is very very different.

When your treatment finishes , people think it’s over for the person who was fighting. That they are all of a sudden when you here the words ‘remission’ or ‘cured’ that all of a sudden the side effects disappear and the fatigue disappears and we are all of a sudden well and fighting fit. Some people do not even realise what true tiredness really is. See fatigue is like a restriction, it’s like walking in mud, or treacle. Not that I have ever walked in treacle but I know how the spoon responds to it. Mud slows us right down and makes progress more of an effort.

Fatigue, makes everything a huge effort, it takes joy from your life even makes you feel low and down trodden which I always choose to be above. I choose everyday to do as apposed to wallowing in self pity because I have not the strength to get through a day. Fatigue is a really heavy rucksack full of lead on your back, it makes you want to cry. It makes you respond irrationally even. I have been careful to not respond with a knee jerk reaction, but to be considered in how I respond and not quickly. It’s difficult to get someone to understand how you feel, frustrating even that people think that there is nothing wrong with you.

How I turn things around in my mind is to listen to my surroundings, and thank God that I am at least alive. Even though the pain is so great that walking is a problem sometimes. Generally late at night or early in the morning is when it’s worst. I want people to understand what fatigue is, what true loss of energy is. Even typing sometimes is an effort, like your arms are in mud it’s that hard to move them sometimes.

When I was in hospital I said to Andie, I hope what’s left of me is enough for you, I hope the drugs don’t take to much of me. I also said to my dad and my wife (Andie) ” It must NOT take my spirit ” what ever happened I had to hold on to my spirit because if I kept that I knew that I would always be able to be positive. That’s how I do it, my spirit is alive and strong and because of that I am able. It’s like my energy that I find in my spirit, your spirit that’s within us all is fed by things like, gratitude, thankfulness, helping others, positive thinking, and positive speech. Saying positive things when we don’t want to keeps your spirit full. That was what I clung onto for dear life, the spirit of who I am. Fatigue can do what it likes, but it will never take my spirit, people die when they lose their will to survive. That comes from the spirit within you, the power that comes from deep within us. We all have it because we are made in the image of God, it like a flame within us that we have to keep burning, some call it our inner strength. Say I can, and I will. Things happen then, but even so it’s far harder with fatigue holding you back, the foggy swamp is like a demon holding you back.

That is what fatigue is like, I hope this helps some of you to understand it better. And reassures some of you who suffer it.

Fonz

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Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Carling cup final, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 31 Comments

http://http//belikewaterproduction.com

Problems are opportunities for solutions to happen

22 Monday Feb 2016

Tags

attitude, belief, happiness, hope, love, outlook, perseverance, positivity

I might be a bit strange in my approach to problems, as I get pleasure out of solving them. I don’t see some problems as an issue I see them as a challenge even fun sometimes. Let’s look at today for instance, all of our village have problems with no electricity. Everything is down due to overload of the Stone Age electrical components. So of course in my mind I am thinking about saving our suckling pig that’s in the freezer and the meat that’s in there. Making sure my wife’s laptop has power so she can continue to work from home. Then last but not least making sure we have entertainment Tv and lighting in the living room.

It’s now 7pm and everyone on the street is in candal light, but we have a generator outside with two exstention leads one into the conservatory and one into the living room where we have a log fire for heat. The one in the conservatory has a kettle attached to it aswell as the freezer and drinks fridge powered. The living room has our mobile wifi attached to it so we can stay in touch with the outside world. In fact it’s the one I had when I was in hospital so I could get my blog out to you.

It gives me a lot of pleasure to have solutions tonight providing something that a massive electricity supplier could not. Again I think it’s our attitude to issues that matters, if we have a positive outlook and good people around us. We seem to be able to make things happen that otherwise would not be possible. All it took was a phone call to a friend to ask if I could borrow his generator and connect my exstention leads into a double plug I put on the end of the plug socket. The only person that restricts what is possible in life I believe is you.

I went into the supermarket for some rolls for tea and ended up talking to a lady that needed hot water for her tropical fish. I found out her adress and was able to take them some water heated in a kettle to maybe save the lives of the fish they had. You CAN do anything if you want to, the only person standing in the way of that is you.

I am sat here writing this with a smile and although it’s tomorrows blog it will go out early for your pleasure. I hope you have a great week. Also that this post has a positive effect in your own life.

Fonz

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Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Carling cup final, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 19 Comments

Quote

Believe in yourself.

27 Wednesday Jan 2016

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

belief, other, sacrifice

So what will it take for you to believe in your path, that YOU have chosen. Today has been a day where I have looked for inspiring blogs. Blogs that seem to exist to help other people and not themselves. I have found one completely new one.

Trouble is while I wanted to tell you all of other blogs I have not worked out how to do it. So I will just continue to do what I do and that’s encourage. However I am learning, there is a blogger that has tried to help me, she is very selfless.

https://lifebeyondmommy.com/
Then of course there is a blog that seems to be helping many people, he does help most people. He has the ethos that by helping someone else. It will in turn help him using the “reap what you sow” belief.

http://dreambigdreamoften.com/
I wonder what you are here for? Are you here for yourself, or to tell the world something you think the world wants to hear. Or are you here for other people and mean it when you ask if someone is ok. This next person does mean it.
They are the only ones I will share today. But I hope to figure out how to grab people’s links and do a blog that benefits many soon. Any feed back to do that would be appreciated.

The Vision of Poets

https://visionofpoets.wordpress.com/
Have a great evening or day. Believe in yourself and don’t stop going for your goal.

Fonz

http://www.80insights.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.

Quote

The greatest love of All…

23 Saturday Jan 2016

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

belief, confidence, hope, iam, self, spiritual, youare

Although I have blogged about this before, You are what you say you are. This is how coach Jerry puts it in his blog. This is his web site address.

So I was chatting to Jerry this morning backwards and forwards on WordPress commenting on each other’s posts. He mentioned to me about the power of words, how we can speak life to ourselves by saying the words “I am” 3 letters but yet possibly the most powerful words we can say. As Jerry reminded me the bible starts with those words, as was the world if you believe it happened that way (I do).

So for me this is where confidence starts, by saying those words. I remember a long time ago hating the reflection I saw in the mirror, the events that led to me believing that of myself makes no difference here. But the point is, the man/boy that looked back I disliked intensely. I said sentences like “I am useless” “I am a failure” “I am a waste of space” I believed it. So if I believed it why would anyone else think better of me. It had to start with me saying the words, before I would in fact start believing it. It may sound strange the sentence “I am beautiful” but that’s what I started to say when I looked in the mirror.

Vivid life.me
Ok so I did not believe it, in fact I spoke some pretty blue language the first time I said it. I did not believe it at all, my self esteem “well I did not have any” I believed who was looking back was worthless and it had to start with the words ” I am beautiful” slowly but surely my confidence grew. Every time I looked at my reflection saying the words that I did not believe. There were tears, there were arguments with myself. But confidence is not a gift, you don’t get a gift of confidence. It is something you choose, something you cultivate. It starts by speaking life into your own life, it starts with the words “I am” but it’s what ever you choose to put after those 3 letters that is in your destruction or in your victory.

I can be what ever I choose to be, it started with I am. Here I am so long after that in fact 24 years of building my own confidence, choosing to speak life to myself. Then leading me to a diagnosis and a long arduace fight having my confidence tested, time and time again. It’s about what you choose this life, you can help someone grow over time. But it can be destroyed by saying one sentence. So thank you Jerry for reminding me of that “I am” and I hope that someone out there reads this and becomes confident because you read it.

Have a great weekend

Fonz

You want to be rich?

29 Thursday Oct 2015

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Holiday, Hope, Love, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

autum, beauty, belief, Breath, cancer, cancer stories fight, countryside, enjoyment, happiness, hope, leaves, love, money, rich, riches, work

You are and you don’t even know it, the things that cost no money are the most worthwhile things that we have, but yet you won’t even bother to be thankful for it or them. You proberbly won’t even share this blog. Think about everything that you may moan about, car won’t start, a bill, some work you have had done on the house, how far a journey is, traffic, the government,taxes, etc etc are these all not a consequence of your very own success. People moan and groan about this and that, the neighbours (me included i am human to) the bin men, having to do meanial tasks, like cleaning, washing up, hoovering. But we forget ( well I do anyway ) sometimes what we do have that no amount of money can buy.

My thoughts go to people that have had berievments, I mean Micheal Jacksons money could not save him from himself, or his health. Amy wine house what a waste, Whitney, and many many more. Their money could not save them from the disorders that contributed to them eventually dieying or self destructing, depends how you choose to look at it. One thing is for sure however, is that some are wise with their wealth. Cliff Richard maybe, I don’t know who but there are people out there that don’t squander it on drink and drugs.

So what am I trying to say, it’s quite simple really. Some of you reading this may already do it, but others from the moment they wake up to the moment they go to sleep are 100 miles an hour and don’t stop to appreciate anything, what’s the point in life if we can’t stop to enjoy it, if we can’t rest a little and take in the amazing surroundings that is called our world. The things that are free, the things we exsperience that cost nothing at all except our time. They are the things that make us rich, they are the things that make life worth living.

It’s autum right now, and the colours on the leaves make for spectacular photographs. The birds that sing in the trees throw out an amazing chorus, the simple sounds of children playing having fun. It’s not hassle to clean up the mess it’s a consequence of giving an exsperience to a child finding out about life. Splashing in puddles, kicking the autum leaves and making that leafy sound. Being able to dance, sing, smile and be happy. These are priceless, the things we can do that cost nothing, the walks with our dog (should you have one) the views our eyes can see, the sound of the sea, wildlife that we come across. They all should have the wow factor. But we don’t even stop to appreciate them. I want to suggest that tomorrow if your busy schedule allows, that you stop for a while. That you take a moment to take in the morning chorus of the birds singing, to just appreciate that you have air to breath, you have a life to live and a family to love, even if there is no more family just you. We are all connected somehow, we have all got things to be grateful for, and people we can share it with.

Choose to think about what’s priceless in your life, choose to be happy about that rather than the negativity that after all if you think about it. All that’s negative is created by man, be it in our minds or by machine. Choose to take a moment to look at the sunset and sunrise. It’s an amazing world if we take the time to look around at how rich you really are.

Enjoy your day, and the riches that surround you

Mark
http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. It took me an hour to write, but will take you a second to share.

Kill me if you dare.

26 Monday Oct 2015

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Holiday, Hope, Love, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

belief, cancer, Cancer stories, exsperience, hope, Laughter, love, loved, survived, survivor

That’s my attitude to cancer, myself as a person am way to stubborn to allow a disease to take away my freedom. To control my life, to dictate to me for long periods. My brother once said to me, “we allow visits from cancer, but never to stay.” My first blog was just these words. “I am Mark, a cancer fighter. I WILL WIN” I was determined unwaivered from my end goal to beat cancer. I know doctors dish out statements like how long you have to live, the amount of chemo that’s required. All sorts of pharmaceutical prescriptions, and although some work we are as humans finding out ways to combat cancer using natural solutions. I say over and over again, we are what we eat and we should all be very cautious about what we put inside our bodies.

Of course you can’t really educate yourself with a passion until you have been touched by cancer, we learn to look after ourselves by how hard we have had to fight. Please understand I am not a doctor I just speak of what I have learnt on my journey. I am in no way telling you how to be, just what’s working for myself. I have many friends with completely different ideas, I find it interesting hearing people’s opinions and outcomes of thier own trials. As a friend of mine said the other day, it’s about putting quality food into our bodies grown to the highest standard, produced naturally not enhanced by chemicals. I think he is right, but that’s my own opinion. Oh how I love opinions, they can’t be wrong can they, because no ones opinion can be challenged just disagreed with. But exsperience can’t even be disagreed with, because it is just that. Thier exsperience. It can’t be challenged, it is after all something that’s happened to the person. As a consequence of that exsperience an opinion is formed.

I found a new love in writing, a new journey that will take me where ever I want it to take me. It’s certainly a trip, and one I absolutely love. Maybe one day I may have an opportunity to make something from it. Of course if you have read them all you will know that my mind has been changed, because of the journey I have found myself in. New ways of thinking, new thought patterns, new friends, losing who thought were my very best friends, but finding out who are true and honest, dependable and upright. Even losing friendships has strengthened me and helped me to realise what and who is and are important to us both.

I don’t get it right all the time, I am human but one thing is for sure, life is so satisfying these days. I have a friend who I have never met, well a few. The person I think of is a lady, her name is Sue. Everyday I write she encourages me, it’s admirable and energising for me. She helps me to blog everyday just by reading and commenting on what is written here. I do struggle sometimes just to get stuff down especially over the past 2 weeks whilst I have been unwell. But I am sure of this one fact. That we are all here to benefit each other, and it’s up to us to choose to do that in whatever capacity that may be. Stand strong, never give up, not ever, dare to keep moving forwards never ever losing site of your goal. YOU WILL WIN.

Have a great week.

Mark

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. It took me an hour to write, but will take you a second to share.

Addiction.

21 Wednesday Oct 2015

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Holiday, Hope, Love, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

Addicted, addiction, belief, faith, hope, life

Whenever I write a blog, it’s from my own exsperience not taking anything from google or anywhere else. It’s just about what my exsperiences have been, of course it can’t be disputed, argued or disagreed with. Because it’s a memory, an exsperience or a feeling that I have had in the life I have lived. Many of you know I am writing a book which will be out next year, a book that has more than one focus. But has a strong element of honesty in it, it describes how certain times in my life have felt maybe even some of my blogs will be in it to. Maybe someone will think that some are worthy to be in my book I can’t tell you what it’s called just yet as it’s not published. But one thing is for sure, it will mean something to everyone.

So for 31 years I smoked tobacco substances, for proberbly 25 of those years I enjoyed it. I did have a 4 year break where I was not an every day smoker, it was a period that I was restricted from smoking, I did still find ways though. I was in rehab at the time, we bought cars from auction. When they came in we used to empty the ash trays, and make roll ups from the dimps we found in the ash trays. I also smuggled tobacco in using the back of my stereo. My iron was also a great way to hide tobacco in, I am sure Albert slow man would find this funny as he always wondered why I had an iron. It’s one of those things, when you are addicted to smoking it’s a part of every day life, like eating. You are going to do it, you need it even. Smoking means you are addicted to nicotine, it takes over your life, you get up in the morning and it’s the first thing you crave along with a coffee or 4.

Seems I am not supposed to post this, or someone is trying to discourage me somewhere, as this completely written blog has just vanished so I am having to write it again. I will continue.

Some say addiction is a desease, I say it’s a choices that it’s us who decides to do it or not. When you are addicted we come up with all sorts of excuses in our minds as to why we should do it. Excuses as to why it’s a bad idea to give it up, some may even think that nicotine is not a drug. Well I must tell you it’s the next most addictive substance to heroin. On walking through the doors on my final leg of the 5 year journey beating cancer, I walked into a room to be isolated from the world! to have my bone marrow transplant, where I could not smoke. I had a choice to walk out of the room and go outside for a cigarette. But I needed to choose life for me and my wife. To give myself the best chance possible to rid myself of this disease. Turning my back on it and walking away.

I needed to believe by faith that I could do it. To step out and make the first move, to choose not to do it, to choose a new way of life. To change and do things like eat the right foods, eat more greens, exercise and choose to not smoke. Everyday it’s about choosing to do what’s right. When I walked through those doors, I had to choose to do, or not do. To walk away from what was and walk towards a new way of living, I replaced my addiction with something else. You are reading it right now, these days when I wake up I pick up my I pad, it’s a choice to live like that to choose to encourage others as apposed to wasting life. When I walked through those doors I also chose to write every day for a year. That was 6 months ago.

What’s your choice that you will make only you can decide, but I tell you from my experience it’s like being freed from a prison you chose to be in. I only hope you can choose to make that step of faith and make your own life better. You won’t know if it’s a better way, until you make the step. Will you?

Have a great day

Mark

Do what you say.

18 Sunday Oct 2015

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Holiday, Hope, Love, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

ability, belief, boxing, can, cancer, desease, fighter, focus, reality, will, winner, world cup

It can be rewarding to achieve anything, achievement starts with doing what we say. It starts by making that step forwards in self belief, it’s the same when fighting a disease. When having to have a battle that we did not expect, or that’s got in the way of life. A big bill we did not expect, a family situation where we have to all pull together. There is always someone worse off that ourselves, someone having more to deal with than ourselves. Who do we help really by having our head in our hands, unless we are concentrating on what our next move will be.

Life for me, is about making a choice and moving forwards with the focus in mind to achieve what we set out to do. I have personally without doubt had to do different things to what I intended on doing in the last 5 years. There are things I have said I will do that I have not done as yet, although those things are still in my mind to do. My focus has been on my health, been on beating the disease that has, as some would see as a hinderance. I don’t see it like that however, I see my cancer that came to take my life as a honing process. That I have chosen to learn from the situations i/we have found ourselves in, to choose to be a better person, to choose to stand up and choose to beat this thing people call cancer.

When a fighter goes into the ring, he has to have trained hard for a long period of time. He has to be in the form of his life, a rugby player playing in the World Cup has trained for years to become the best they can be. Life sometimes does not give us the precious gift of time, but we do have our mind which helps us to make right choices. Shrugging our shoulders is not what winners are made of, but stepping forwards and doing what we say shows the substance of the person you look at in the mirror everyday.

You can be if you choose to be. Use the time you have to do what you say, you can without doubt achieve it. It’s down to you to say you CAN though, there will always be the people that will say you can’t. That was their choice that they made to say that, I say to you CAN because I know what it’s like to beat the odds. Focus on the positives that you have not the things you don’t. It’s a far happier way to live I think.

Have a great day

Mark

Taken

17 Saturday Oct 2015

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Holiday, Hope, Love, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

belief, faith, forgive, forgiveness, generous, greatful, hard, hope, lesson, love, patience, regret, stolen, taken

I don’t know about you, but if I saw something of value I would want to find its owner. I would want to make sure that the owner was reunited with the item that was there. When I got the all clear 4 weeks ago which just so happened to be my birthday also, my wife bought me a Go-pro a camera in a waterproof case. The bill was considerable, but we thought we would be able to capture some great footage with it in the years to come. When we entered the complex where we are staying, we thought it to be private with considered people all around us. Never did we think that our things were at risk, that someone would take the opportunity to take something that’s not theirs.

It’s so sad that people are out there to make you feel so sad, that our disappointment could have totally ruined our time here had we not know our friends James and Becky. Fortunately for us, they lent us a lead that enabled us to upload all of our special moments that we had had up until the dreadful day when our Go-Pro was taken. All of the staff looked for it, but it was in vien. It had to be a guest. Every person was a suspect in my eyes, but no matter what I know that we all get disappointments in life. It goes back to that old chestnut, that we can’t make others choices for them.

So we were faced with a choice, to let it ruin what we had or to LET IT GO. Stress cannot be a part of my life anymore, and we need to be grateful for what we do have. It’s about how we respond to this situation, and I for one am pleased that I was able to upload all of the images and videos before the event took place. I just hope the person that stole it is able to enjoy it as much as we did. I just hope the insurance will replace it for us, which of course does not help us in the next few days as we won’t be able to capture videos like we did before. Like I say though we have what we have, and we will move on. At least we can enjoy what we have.

Cancer has taught me many lessons, but the main one is to enjoy today without letting someone else’s choices spoil what we have to enjoy. So today is Saturday, you won’t read this till we return from our amazing time in Mexico. I wonder what pleasures await us for the rest of the week.

Have a great week

Mark

My Andie

12 Monday Oct 2015

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Holiday, Hope, Love, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

belief, cancer, Cancer stories, Compassion, encouragment, happiness, hope, kindness, life, living, love, marriage, perfect, perfectlove, relationship, soul mate, tenderness

I guess there is more than 1 person that’s compatible with another person. But for me there is only one that has filled that void. Only one person that I can call my soul mate, her name is Andie. She has remained by my side through thick and thin, she is a person that will stay by my side even when it’s raining and the world seems to be against us. She says this statement often.

“It’s not the people who sit with you in the limo, drinking champagne we call friends. It’s the ones that help push, when it breaks down. They are your real friends.” There is no doubt that she does that, and I hope she feels that it’s reciprocated.

There is no one on this planet like my Andrea, she has proved her love for me over and over again. To have her by my side makes me not only feel stronger, but makes me believe in the us that is our marriage. We are tough, we are sensitive, we are caring, but most of all we are secure with each other in the knowledge that there is an us.

My wife is the person that supports my choices even if some may not agree, she is like the strength in my weakness. She is my guide when I see no light, my warmth when I feel cold. She is positive when I see no way out, Andie is my grace when I lack faith. She helps me to see a way where there appears to be a road block. She is my reason, when I feel deflated. Andie is faithful and strong, giving even when she feels she has nothing left to give. There is only one Andie, that person is my wife, and my life. I give myself to her and her alone forsaking all others.

Andie has been my dependable rock, someone who I am able to rely on. She makes me proud to married to her, and I feel privileged to call her my best friend. Even when cancer appeared to be taking my life, she believed in me and gave me the strength to reach up, have faith and carry on the fight. Andie has believed in me right from the start, and has never waivered in believing that I would survive. Everyone needs an Andie in their life. Life is to short to argue, fuss and fight. There is a great strength in WE, and because of the we in us “WE” are stronger.

I hope with my whole heart that you have a similar experience in your life. There is no room to waste time with second bests, you deserve it to yourself to be and have the best you can. Settling for second best is a sad place to be (I know) but enjoying the best takes effort on both sides, maintenance, sensitivity, gentleness, consideration and above all else putting each other first. In the act of putting each other first we find all that 2 humans can give to each other, blessed by one more powerful than us. Known to me as Agape.

Giving is a beautiful way to live, putting your partner first is everything. Enjoy each other.

Have a great week

Mark

Your first step.

11 Sunday Oct 2015

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Holiday, Hope, Love, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

belief, encouragement, faith, finding, giving, hope, love, reality, remembering, together

My journey learning continues, it’s amazing how some people on this planet can amaze us. It’s generally the people with less that give the most. The people that have exsperiences of having nothing, or having to fight like there is no tomorrow. I am finding out that true love comes from a pure and grateful heart. In our group Cancer stories

https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536

I am finding that the love in people that have and are suffering is relelntless, it’s never ending. Why? Because we know how much something small means. We know how much a small amount of encouragement meant to us. I continue to blog every day about the stuff I am learning, so that the hope I have in my heart may touch 1 person a day, that’s all I want. That someone has a new start, or a change of heart maybe, or is reminded of what’s important in life. That someone somewhere has the drive to carry on, that someone is encouraged to maybe encourage someone themselves.

You see we are all winners if we search our hearts and give with the compassion we have ALL been given. I choose as I live to do my best to give something to someone that only I can give, you are the same. As in, only you can do what you do. We are all special people, from shop keepers to surgeons we all have a place. We all have a space in society that’s ours. What we give is relative to what we have, but does not everyone have compassion. I think so, it’s just the people who have been through the mill (so to speak) realise maybe more than others what gifts they have within them.

A journey starts with a step, it involves tanacity and selflessness. I have been woken up to write this blog, no idea why. My journey in blogging started with one sentence. “I am a cancer fighter, and I will win” I did not know I would win the battle again but I believed it with my whole heart and stepped out in faith believing I would. Are you willing to do that, to step forwards into the seeming darkness. To move forward, even though there is uncertainty. When ever I sit down to write I never know what will be written only a word sometimes, or a statement that I hear or say myself is the begining of what I write. What happens if I don’t sit down and write it, you will never have read these words. You may never have been spurred on to fight what is your fight. Be it cancer, anxiety, or something else. We can all be achievers, you really can you have just got to make the first step. Then keep moving forwards as you find your own way.

You are more amazing than you are aware of, that first step will take you on a journey of discovery. But that’s up to you, you and only you can make that choice.

Mark

Doing your best.

11 Sunday Oct 2015

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Holiday, Hope, Love, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

become, belief, better, blood, cancer, focus, learning, manage, overcoming, path, reality, recover, right, survive, vital

Everyday for me is about becoming a better person, more rounded. (I don’t mean fat) a person that has something to give as opposed to needing to take. God knows I don’t get it right all the time, in fact some may see me as a failure. What ever is thought by others I can’t change so why worry, what does it matter anyway. Peoples opinions won’t change because it bothers me, the only person it hurts is me. All I do every day is my best, although I get it wrong on times I DO my best to get it right next time. I do my best I never try, we all know there is no try only do or do not.

Me and Andie often discuss, how we can be better people, one of my major downfalls is humility. But is that true. Maybe I am confident and that’s interpreted differently to what I am intending on projecting. I am not naturally confident, some may laugh at that who know me really well. It’s true though sometimes I just don’t consider the consequences. I just go in whole heartedly, giving what ever I am doing my whole heart. There are no grey areas with me, no Inbetween. Just decisions I make or don’t make, some of my better choices I write down in a blog and i do my best to carry them out in my everyday life. Learning everyday to be a better me.

I don’t know what you think, but I guess doing your best to be better is a better choice than holding onto the baggage that weighs us down making us sluggish and breeding things like depression, anger, and giving us feelings like hopelessness. If we feel like we are doing our best, what more can we do? If our best is not good enough for someone else who’s problem is that? My opinion is its not my issue but theirs, and one thing that’s a fact is. There is no way I am carrying around someone else’s problems by making them my own.

I am happy with who I am, but not so happy that I don’t daily want to become a better me. I wonder what you choose?

Mark

Determination.

09 Friday Oct 2015

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Holiday, Hope, Love, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

belief, best, determination, energy, faith, family, friends, giving, hope, love

Your will and desire to overcome? Is it a choice, or is it part of your nature? What makes someone want to carry on or even have the drive to carry on? Well here is my experience of it, what I think and how I have managed to maintain my determination.

For me it’s about happiness, it’s about love and enjoyment. When you have spent quality time with quality people that have a quality mindset or as one of my best friends says (Proper people) your desire to want more of that in life changes. For me it makes me determined to make sure my cancer does not return, making sure I eat well, that I have a nutritionally balanced diet. That life is quality in all areas, I was having a conversation with my Andie today. I was saying how I must never have to go in isolation ever again, I got quite upset thinking that if I did what I would miss out on. The company of my good friends, the quality moments that allot of us take for granted. The nice things in life that we all enjoy, the peace, the feelings that others give to us because they care about us. We can’t change the actions of selfish people that only think for themselves, but we can make sure the friends we have are quality.

It’s funny you know, how people have been towards me having cancer. It’s also amazing how good Some people have been, people tend to bless good people. I am for sure a blessed man, I write this knowing the people in my life now are there for a reason, and the ones that are not in it now because they have chosen not to be, have no place in my future anyway. The good people I have met give me energy, they help me to stay determined to keep cancer at bay. I always say if a friend does not make your life better then they were never a friend in the first place.

So my conclusion, for me there has to be something to look forward to in life, there has to be a reason. There has to be something that drives us every day to remain determined. This blog you are reading right now helps me be determined because I know that others are touched by it. We had a dinner party last night for our anniversary, we were with Proper people. People that gave me energy and I hope we did them to. It’s about doing our best, and being the best you there is. One thing is for certain I am more determined than I ever was to remain cancer free. I have to much life to live, and to much love to give. I cannot and must not get ill again. The people I speak of in this blog know who they are, the ones that have turned their backs on us know who they are to.

Friends are the family we choose, they help us to remain positive and determined.

Choose well.

Mark

Frozen.

08 Thursday Oct 2015

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Holiday, Hope, Love, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

belief, cancer, Cancerstories, friendship, frozen, Laughter, life, live, love

When your fighting any illness I guess you find your self in a dark place, sometimes it’s a place where you don’t feel there is a way out. For me, that’s what the room was like, the place where I had my transplant. It was a place where I felt there was no end. I had to believe it without seeing, to believe we would make it be having faith.

I am a person that feels trapped in confined spaces, it’s a clostrafobic feeling where I feel the need to escape if I can’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. Or so I thought, let’s take the lazy river exsperience. Life jacket on, floating down the river at a pace that you choose through tunnels and round bends but not always being able to see where the tunnel ends. I remember asking my wife if she could see the end, we were in the dark tunnel but I could not see the end. All I had to go on is what my wife could see which was more than I. She told me she could see the way out, it was so very natural for me to just trust her. After all why would she lie to me, it was an easy thing for me to do. To trust the person I had chosen to spend my life with, to believe she was right. Which of course she was.

It’s also like that with friends we choose, we learn to trust them to believe in them. To know that they are there for us as well as them. It’s the same with doctors, medication. Anyone that has your life in their hands, it’s just us that stands in the way of a loving relationship with a person.

I have learnt to be frozen, I have learnt that people who choose to love us deserve trust. That life is about giving our best to those that choose to give us their best. That we have a responsibility to “let it go” so that it does not affect someone else. That trusting someone is priceless, it’s up to them to let you down or lift you up. But in the letting go you give others the freedom to love you without boundaries. I have met some awesome people of late, who have shown me what good people are. But I also remember that awesome people give their very best to each other. Second best is not good enough, so “let it go” just let it go.

Be frozen

Mark

Today is a gift.

22 Tuesday Sep 2015

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Holiday, Hope, Love, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

belief, believing, Belive, empathy, fear, gift, giving, healing, hope, life, living, love, motivation, self, today

I am remembering a story I was told as a child, a parable about a blind man. Jesus put mud on his eyes . After removal of the mud, the man could see. This is a bit like me now, knowing what it’s like to have cancer makes you see the world differently. It’s like you have been blind but you can see again. I saw life very differently before I had cancer, maybe even thought I was indistructable. I did not ever think that the man that I was would become so ill. I never thought I would have to fight for my life.

One thing I always believed though, was that I would win. Don’t get me wrong I had days even weeks where I felt I would not make it, but I always believed with Faith no matter how hard it was. I know my friend Deanna watches my journey as I do hers, we have both been on a similar journey both beating cancer twice with similar attitudes to life. You can’t feel what we feel unless you have had to fight like we have. Beating it twice makes the world seem like a different place, I am still here with a life.

What am I trying to say, well I want you to know that life after cancer, is like have the mud removed from your eyes. It means you can see again, we imagine our future very differently to life before cancer that’s for sure. Compassion is more real, love is more meaningful. Family becomes more important, things become irrelevant. Whilst at the same time appreciating what you have. One thing I do know is, that my life needs to benefit others daily. My life needs to help others, after all I would have been dead without the fight that’s now behind me.

Parts of me are glad I have been touched by cancer, to enable me to see life in this new positive way. I have always been positive, but it’s a different kind of positive now. It’s a place where I see the good in nearly all situations, a place where I am grateful to have what we have. I am pleased to see the sunshine or the rain, what ever happens it’s a new day and the past is behind us. We can only change who we are today, it’s the only day we have. That’s how I see life now, that today is a gift. That today is more special with you in it, your reading this because you have a life. Because you are living your gift, don’t you think that’s amazing.

Well be amazed because you are amazing. But you have to believe that. You have to look in the mirror and tell yourself that. God knows I have made mistakes, I still do. Am grateful to be alive, and I hope you are able to see a snippet of what today really means.

Enjoy today,

Mark

PSG and ME.

16 Wednesday Sep 2015

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Holiday, Hope, Love, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

belief, holiday, hope, love, memories, moments, motivation, thoughtfully, your

Morning, I am just remembering a holiday we went on, it was a holiday in Morocco staying at a hotel called “the mazagan” I would say it’s one of the nicest hotels on the planet, with a 7 mile beach, beds on the beach they called ( a little house ) the food amazing, service was exsqusit, and the class of people was one I did not recognise. Never had I or my family growing up seen anything of this kind.. It was a huge treat as my wife had wanted to go somewhere else. But found this place on offer.

The hotel was amazing, with an F1 style go-kart track archery, and a football training pitch for PSG non of all that mattered to me all I wanted was for my wife to relax. For her to completely forget reality. She used a hammock, whilst I watched the F1 British Grand Prix, she was sent water and mohitos. Me and my wife are great together we allow each other to be who we are. Nothing fake, just us. Being who we are, rather than trying to please. It’s better to be real I think.

There was food there from all over the world, including a sushi bar. The standard of food was great, nothing to complain about at all.. One night we had been watching a World Cup football match in the main bar by the casino. There were a few guys in football tops there who I ended up, chatting to in broken English. We were in the bar for a while till 1 am my wife had since gone to bed a hour prior. I made jokes, and generally did silly stuff for fun with them. The lads either late teens or early twenties were in stitches laughing. I had no idea why. It was not till some time later, like a couple of weeks ago. That I realised who PSG were. I didn’t think they were anyone special, just people that communicated laughter with. I am not a big football fan at all, but don’t mind watching a good game. Although many other sports would get a look in first. Basically anything with an engine.

We saw them again the next day, as they walked past on the way to the training pitch. I was calling out and waving and they were waving and smiling back. It’s amazing though that they just treated me normally. I think that they were all very surprised that I did not want anything from them. For me the reality of being kind to people is what I love. Maybe if had known (which my wife did) I would have made an effort to get an autograph or two.

So what’s the point in today’s blog, well today was just about remembering because I can. Because I am alive, a survivor of cancer and a winner in life where the odds were stacked heavily against me. Be the best you there is, because what’s the point in second best.

Have a great day

Mark

Writing 365 blogs. (How I get inspiration)

12 Saturday Sep 2015

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Holiday, Hope, Love, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

belief, desire, faith, finish, fiwgh, hope, inspiration, inspire, love, well, will, willing, wonderful, Writing

Morning, it’s tough this challenge sometimes getting inspiration for 365 completely different blogs and keeping them interesting. I know many folk have been really interested in my cancer journey. Because let’s have it right. Cancer has touched most of us in some way or another. It’s something nasty, something horrible to face, it’s a negative process. So why my cancer story, why choose that to write about. Well here is the truth, I realised that I was facing death for the second time at 46. Now being a positive person, someone whose glass is half full, I will not accept negativity in my life. I won’t listen, I walk away from people that like to moan and groan.

Mainly, because I realise how short life is. Me and Andie love doing anything together these days as we realise how important this life is. How many opportunities there are in this world. People see problems, but I see solutions. Solutions are amazing, they change your life. Problems make us sluggish and weighed down, where as a solution brings freedom. They bring happiness and laughter, they make things better and more effective.

During my 145 posts I have drawn on what life was throwing at me. I had no choice to NOT have cancer, but I had a choice to beat cancer. Many of you have watched how I have fought, watched how I have dealt with the many situations that I have found myself in. Both me and Andie have grown in the process, not just together but as individuals. We have started to value things more, like faith, and our home. Our true friends have become our family, believing that we no longer have friends. They are the family we choose, the people we trust, we try to find the best in people and skip over mistakes others may have made. We effectively choose to be positive about others. We (try) to see the best in our family friends, and help where we can.

My inspiration comes from turning negatives into positives, aiming to use what ever experience I/we have to encourage and maybe even inspire someone. My aim is that every blog I write inspires one person a day, which is why I keep writing, because people are being affected in a positive way. I know because people tell me directly. I just love doing what I am doing right now, and actually don’t think before writing that I have enjoyed something so much in the whole of my life before.

I look for positive statements in my daily life, and if I don’t find any (which is rare) then I tell you something I think you may like to hear about like my travelling across Australia. When I wake up each morning and see my radiant wife’s face, I am filled with joy that we have another day cancer free. Yep cancer free, it’s amazing this life we have. Today we will be at the airport looking around Concorde doing something different. So no prizes for guessing what tomorrow’s blog will be about.

So now you know how I get my inspiration, I wonder how many other bloggers will have been inspired in turn by reading this. I hope many, because all I want to do for the rest of my days is encourage others to do, or have hope in what ever it is that you want to do with your life. I hope you have a great Sunday.

All the best

Mark

Self belief.

11 Friday Sep 2015

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Holiday, Hope, Love, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

belief, believe, effort, faith, hope, love, passion, selfbelief

Good morning, it’s the day after my birthday which is a great relief to have made it this far relatively unscathed. Someone said to me recently that my blogs are a bit repeative. That I keep sending the same message out everyday. I guess the person is right to a degree because what I do write I aim to be positive and uplifting as I want to encourage others in their fights what ever that may be. It does not have to be cancer to need Self belief. We all have the ability to be able to have it, it’s just some people Choose not to believe in themselves. Maybe like someone I know, you have been told often that you would not amount to much by some insecure bully, which makes self belief all the harder to manage.

I want to tell you how I believe in what I can do even if I have never done it. Whilst facing cancer everything we had put before us was exsteme, it was hard energy zapping and seemingly negative. I set myself a goal, the goal I set was to become cancer free. To be able to look at my wife on my birthday cancer free to be able to start living as opposed to continue dying. No matter how bleak that day is/was I focused on that and going away. The long term goal that I had I never ever waivered from believing I would beat it.

You see for me, as some of you know I thought it had not left me when I was in remission the first time. Apparently this is called fractured remission. That’s when the medics thinks it’s gone but the patient does not feel it.

I was on holiday with the lads last year, it was overshadowed in my head by the fact that I had a lump come back in my neck. The appointment to see the consultant was on my return, although it was a great holiday I never totally relaxed. Even though there was a black cloud over me I still believed I had the fight in me to beat it. It was a daily thing, believing I would win. No matter what blocks were put in my way I was and did believe in myself every day. Where that strength came from I do not know, but what I do know is that it’s now Gone. That holding the touch of self belief was worth it.

The look on my wife’s face to have me with her yesterday was heart warming, we met a great couple whilst out for lunch with their English bulldog Frank…. Wow that dog knows how to give an ear a deep cleanse that’s a fact. Great moments that we enjoy because we chose to endure the treatment. I hope if your fighting and your reading this, that you are able to believe in the goal that you set yourself and make it happen. I believe the power of prayer is underestimated, that people can and will help you on your way if you believe. I guess some may think it’s a bit of a cliche, if you do then maybe you have not had to dig so deep to stay alive. If that’s the case, seize your day because it’s a gift to be alive and well. How much more those words mean to our family now. “Alive and well” Awesome.

Have a great day,

Mark

Confidence.

08 Tuesday Sep 2015

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Holiday, Hope, Love, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

belief, cancer, cure, cured, dolphins, finished, hope, hospital, love, patience, remission, swim

How many of us don’t do something, simply because we are unsure of the outcome. How will we know what the outcome will be if we don’t give it a shot. It’s something people think I have in spades “confidence” Which is quite true, confidence is half the battle, if your confident then all the worrying small stuff is not considered in your forward thinking. Only those that are worriers will take into consideration all the bits that cause issues. Let me explain.

When I was about to have a transplant I went to see the doctor, who would tell me of the risks that my treatment would Entail, included in the list were heart failure, lung failure, kidney damage, irreversible nerve damage, pancreatic failure and many others. As I walked out of that room I put all the words and warnings he had said to the back of my mind. I had signed a consent form agreeing that I would have the treatment and if any of the side effects happened I would not sue. That’s what the point was, that I would blame no one if something went wrong.

What do you do, wallow in self pity. Ask why me? Get depressed and overwhelmed with what you are to face. Or, get on with it. I chose, oh and it was a physical choice. To carry on regardless, helping myself to focus on what I could do, as opposed to what I could not change. The potential possibilities would always be there no matter what. So what’s the point in worrying, yea just gotta stand up and move forwards, doing the things that are in your control, giving yourself the best chance at surviving that’s possible. Like giving up smoking, thinking positively, never allowing people’s words to bring you down. Keeping away from germs that little ones maybe carrying. But no matter what keeping focused on a long term goal, moving closer towards it.

The goal I set for myself was a holiday, a friends brother in law speaks about always having a holiday to look forward to, he always books the next one as soon as he gets back off holiday which makes each day that bit nicer. We were not able to book our holiday as we had no idea what side effects I may have after treatment. But what I did have was confidence that I would make it. Saying the words that you know I say, I WILL and I CAN. you can be what ever you want to be, you just need to have that confidence to remove all barriers that are in your way. To believe whole heartedly that I would win and stand on that beach with my friends, then in turn swim with dolphins with my wife which has been a life long ambition. Even turning down an opportunity to do this in Kiakora New Zealand simply because I was doing it solo. Doing that with my wife will be amazing.

It’s now our time, a time for us to shake off the cobwebs and live our life. 10/09/2015 means I am 47 and oh how proud I feel to have made that happen. To have triumphed over that horrible thing we call cancer. There is a song that’s very dear to me, it’s a song that we have wanted to fulfil the words to. To feel real love in the home that we live it, now after our triumph we do. How amazing is that.

Have a great week,

Mark

H.O.P.E.

28 Friday Aug 2015

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Holiday, Hope, Love, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 11 Comments

Tags

belief, help, hope, others, remmission, together, wife

Morning everyone, even though it’s just seemingly another day. For me this is no ordinary day. It’s a day where we (me and Andie) can look at each other and see the relief in our faces. We can see the strength that our relationship has in each other’s eyes. We feel relief and release knowing that together we have done all we can to beat cancer. How amazing my wife feels, it’s a beautiful thing to see that in someone’s face. The emotion that runs through our veins having beaten cancer together twice, must be over whelming.

During this second journey I was completely the opposite to how I handled it last time. Sadly I did not want to speak to anyone, communicate about cancer in anyway. I locked myself away and only a few people knew what we were facing. It’s true to say, although I had to work very hard to get to this day with no cancer in my body. That no matter what the outcome was going to be I was absolutely committed to telling my story. I was passionate that people (men especially) would get anything sinister checked out thus saving lives.

Cancer has the ability to take even your inner belief, your drive, passion, and ruin your life. We refused to allow that to happen, Andie has been so strong in this process. Now is the time for us to reaffirm why we are together. To rest together, walk on the sand together. To hold hands, and remind each other that we love each other. That cancer has been sent packing. It’s a phenomenal thing to have achieved, massive. Along the journey we have made many friends because we were open to Hearing Other People’s Experience. That’s what Cancer stories has helped us all by us Hearing other people’s Exsperience. = HOPE. It’s give us all Hope. I have certainly had to learn to listen, I am always to quick to talk. Listening is a true skill and one I am trying to perfect.

There are so many things to be grateful for, but the people around us that give us hope, they are priceless. You have the ability to give someone hope, you have the potential to encourage someone so much they choose life. They decide because of you to be a better them. I was told the other day (constructively) that my blogs are repetitive repetative. I am not so sure they are, but what I do know is that they give hope to someone every day. That’s gotta be worth doing right? So I will continue regardless. My cancer may be gone but the journey continues. Your don’t all of a sudden lose all your side effects when your told your in remission.

So today I ask YOU this. Will you give someone hope today, listen to them and help someone to realise there is hope for them to. Everyone has had experiences that can benefit others, it’s our job to listen to them.

Have a great day

Fonz

Could today be results day.

27 Thursday Aug 2015

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Holiday, Hope, Love, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

belief, cancer, contemplation, faith, fear, mystory, relief, trust

Morning, today is a strange day, because it’s 6 days before my appointment with the consultant. But of course me being me, I have called the consultant asking him to relay what the scan results are before that time. Considering it takes 2 days for the scan to be reported, it’s surely there by now. I have a knot in my tummy and am almost paranoid about what will be. I can only relate it to a boxing match, as the rocky storey remains a source of strength to me. I still watch and gain huge strength from the storey and it gives me the strength to believe, to believe that the battle is won.

What I feel I guess is fear of the unknown, but I have faith that all the prayers people have sent for me have been heard and answered. I have to believe that I won’t have to have chemo again, have faith that I have done all that I can to survive. The journey has been relentless, it’s been tiring. As I lie here, I am thinking about how my wife must be feeling how my parents must feel, how my friends must be feeling, The people on Cancer stories. So many people are involved, because so many care. There are real compassionate people out there, people I will think fondly of till my last breath.

So where is my positive today, truth is I don’t know. I just have no idea how or what I should be thinking, I just have to be patient. Unfortunately it’s not the the person I am, I am a doer. A person that makes things happen, not the hot air type.
I want you all to know I have done everything I have been asked to do. It’s just a waiting game today, but then maybe the call won’t come at all today. My mind needs focus, needs the answer so I know how the path before me is laid out. All these feelings I have of, trust, faith, belief etc are all in a huge pot with other emotions like fear, hope, anticipation, and love for all the people that have helped me on my way. All the things people have done for me whilst on this journey. It seems appropriate to say thank you to you all, new friends have been made. Connections all over the globe, it’s amazing the positive things that have happened as well as all of the fighting there has been some good come out of having cancer to. I am thank ful for that. So I thankyou all for your input, I thank you all for being there for me on my journey.

Even though I have all these mixed feelings today, I still feel this overwhelming passion to help others. It’s just in me, and believe that I have been on this journey for a reason. I believe there is a purpose in all of this somehow. It’s the not knowing that’s worse than knowing what you are faced with sometimes. I hope you are having a good day, I will put a blog up as soon as I hear anything.

Have a great day

Mark

A memory

17 Monday Aug 2015

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Holiday, Hope, Love, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

belief, faith, love, loved, memories, Presence, presents, Safe

Isn’t it amazing how we change as we move through life, as we get older we react differently to situations. We respond differently to how we used to. We understand words in a different way.

I remember being at Sunday school and the Sunday school teacher was telling us what she had done that week. She had been for an operation and was exsplaining to us how she felt. That when she went into the theatre for the operation, as she prayed she felt Gods presence. I didn’t hear much more of what she said, I just spent the whole of Sunday school trying to work out what sort of presents God would have.

I pictured lots of children’s toys including a Tonka toy ( my favourite ) but that’s my interpretation then because that’s what I knew. Later in life I learned what it was really like to have Gods presence, Gods presence can’t be imagined or pictured. Although having a go I would say it would be like bathing in Love.

Hard to portray a feeling in a picture I think a bit like this though…
I love how it took me so long to find out what was meant by the word “presence” when I asked her what she meant at the end of the class she said “it was like lying on a bed surrounded by his presents. I spell it that way because what I imagined was neatly wrapped birthday presents all around her bed. Tonkas and other boy toys. Oh how different it is when you know the difference, but the other way isn’t a bad one.

I wonder if this story has jogged a memory? Please share it? What would it look like to you?

Mark

Create memories.

12 Wednesday Aug 2015

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Holiday, Hope, Love, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

belief, create, faith, family, friendship, fun, fun in the sun, gift, happiness, holiday, hope, life, lovel life, memories, memory, precious gift, sun, travel

Good morning. How are you today? Today is a great day, it’s Thursday but it’s also an opportunity to choose to step outside of your comfort zone. Every day we live is an opportunity to challenge ourselves, to become more equipped humans. To be more knowledgeable, to share love with people you may never have. To learn more skills that you may never have learnt before. It’s up to us to be excited about the future, or to just let it drift past without us even noticing. I hear so many times, well it’s because.

It’s really gets on my nerves how people would rather make an excuse as opposed to taking action. I mean take my brother for instance, he just does it. No excuse not to, just reasons to do. We should all take something from that. DO IT as opposed to reasons not to do it.

We have to choose to do or not to do everyday, your future is in your hands no one else has control of it. You were given a life to live. A world to live on, make the most of it enjoy every morning. It’s so nice out there when the sun shines, although clouded by pain in my life. It’s to be appreciated, loved and enjoyed. If you have a sweet tooth, then cake to your mouth is like a wonderful view on a summers day to your eyes.

I know stepping outside of your comfort zone is hard, to do something that you have never done before. But it feels so good that you have stepped out and created that memory, memories stay with you. They stay for a long time, and you can keep enjoying them time after time. If however you have not created the memory you think of, you will only ever imagine what it’s like.

Don’t imagine, remember.

Mark

love

31 Sunday May 2015

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, dogs, Holiday, Hope, Love, Mountains, Oppertunity, Puppies, Stress, Suicide, Uncategorized, Wiriting

≈ 9 Comments

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belief, bible, concern, consideration, dogs, emothion, faith, fiendships, friendship, giving, insight, living, love, loved, lover, loving, quality, religeon, warm

I am writing a book, it’s been on the go for sometime. Unfortunately I keep making excuses not to pick it up again and really get stuck in. Not something I want to be doing in here anyway really. I am here to heal and beat Cancer. Today I am going to talk with about love made perfect. What perfect love is and how some of us aim for that goal and some just give up on it.

What does love mean to me? Love is unconditional, it just gives. It does not count how much something costs, rather gives you overwealming joy to give love to someone everyday.

We have a dog she’s called faith

She is 1 of the rare pink nosed beasts. My brother also has a dog named coco Chanel, I call her hippo as she is allowed to gobble anything in her walk, after eight mints, cat food, treats often. Then we have this fine beast you see before you, well trained. Obedient and ball focused, she loves other dogs and does not try to dominate other dogs rather just love them. I think coco loves faith but not in quite the way that faith loves coco.

The love I am trying to exsplain though is nothing Like what coco thinks is love towards her cousin faith. These are 2 girls and coco has not realised that putting herself on faith is the right way, although it’s her way. Both girls need to be loved and are loved. Both are unconditional. Just I am not so sure both parties feel appreciative of the method. We all in life have different ways to show how we care. Show how we love.

“Love cures people,both the ones who give it, and the ones who receive it” Dr Karl Menninger

It’s clearly exsplained to us what love is in 1 Corinthians 13 of the bible (basic instruction before leaving earth) my friend Jimmy, sends me everyday some words of encouragement. He does not want anything in return. He gives freely his words as a gift from him to me. Which everyday has a knock on effect, and encourages me to write here blogs everyday.

As a Cancer suffer for some 7 years I have learned that we ( the sufferer ) can use this Cancer to benefit and encourage others. We are after all people on the same rd. the hardest people to love though are the ones that don’t see eye to eye with us. Love them anyway, try not to judge them. Just love them anyway. Don’t speak of it, bring them a coffee in the office every morning. Surprise them by being nice. I am always saying to my wife “it’s nice to be nice” be nice to that guy and love them without condition. The bible speaks of a statement that I follow.

“You reap what you sow” I sow allot but reap sometimes. Cancer does not have to be a curse we can use it to bless others. In the heamatology ward at southport they have a drinks machine. When I go in for bloods ect I always go and speak to every person on the MDU and ask them if they need a coffee or tea. We Engadge in chatter if they like to. But no matter what happens I just love to see the smiles as my own heart gets warmed as well by doing such a menial thing. Finally perfect love CASTS out all fear. This is called agape. Google it and see for yourself.

I hope you have had a smile whilst reading this today, if you enjoyed it. Why not mail it to your friends to have a read. No one has passed my blogs on by mail as far as I am aware but I would appreciate it. Let’s make a domino effect of loving people today.

You in?

Mark

Gallery

Family

10 Sunday May 2015

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

belief, encouragement, family, gift, hope, love, second chance, today, wellbeing, winner, winning.

It’s the simple things we all take for granted. A smile from a person you care about, a hug from …

Continue reading →

Picc line Removed.

08 Friday May 2015

Posted by fonzandcancer in Uncategorized

≈ 1 Comment

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aim, belief, bone marrow, breast, cancer, cars, chemo, chemotheropy, cure, desire, determination, doctor, facebook, family, fonz, football, games, given, goal, GOD, grateful, happy, healed, holiday, hospital, lost, love, mobility, motivation, nurse, painful, prayer, real, reality, rescued, sales, skin, strength, taken, tennis, transplant, treatment, ward, world

chemotheropy with a picc line is a great way to have it administered. It’s a small tube placed in your arm into a vien going to a main archery near your heart. Mine was 35 cm long. I had mine fitted in January to have my ICE chemo. It’s a real pain having it as it protrudes from your body and it’s uncomfortable sometimes. That line became my friend, because with it in there are no more injections to take your blood.

Well today was the day I had to say goodbye to that friend, but it also signified that I would not be having treatment at southport anymore. It was a little emotional saying Thankyou to all my day care nurses at southport oncology. But somehow a relief that we had completed the journey with no hick ups. This will take me to a small space in royal Liverpool hospital for 4 weeks where I will have to have my transplant. I can see light at the end of the tunnel now. That day I dream of is coming nearer.

You can find details of my journey on

https://www.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536/
A 7 year fight all because of a lump. Still I stand, time to dig in once again next week and see off this Cancer once and for all..

Fonz