The ripple effect.

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achieve, animal, attitude, blood cancer, Bloodcancer, bone, cancer, desire, destiny, encouragement, energy, facebook, family, friends, given, help, Hodgkin'sLymphoma, hope, hospital, life, lire, love, loved, muscle, neurology, oncology, partner, raise awareness, relentless, silverback, Spirituality, stories, struggle, survived, survivor, together, transplant, travel, tvr, twitter, Writing

I personally would love to start a wave of paying it forward, I remember starting a group called pay back where people put up what they had done for other people in selfless acts. You will never know what your actions do in people’s lives, how much something so little can mean so much. Oh you have heard it before, you don’t want to read because you know what’s coming. Just bear with me. You see I am learning about the ripple effect at the moment, what you do can effect a persons life. But what if that person also decides to do something good themselves, because of what you did. Do we not help to enhance more than one persons life, do we not encourage many without realising it.

It’s like blogging for me, for me everyday it’s about giving something, of course it’s always my time. For me though it’s so much deeper than that, it’s about energy, honesty and showing someone there is hope. Yesterday, although it should be today’s blog. I talked about how I was struggling to rise up above the negativity. How I was finding it tough at times, what happens. Oh well that created a wave, that came and washed over me, renewing my strength by what people said to me. People told me that I should carry on writing, I was encouraged so very much. Because I bothered to write, because I bothered to tell you how I felt. I found something out as well which was quite amazing, that I could never have known.

  
 It turns out that one of the Royal Liverpool staff that came in to make my room spotless everyday has been talking about my blog to other bone marrow transplant patients. Telling them what my website is so that they can read whilst in hospital, being encouraged by what they were reading. I only found out because a friend of mine was round at the house yesterday and she knew the person who had been on the unit having a transplant. It’s such a small world, yet my time in that room is still having a ripple effect. I can’t tell how pleased I was to hear that.

  
Why don’t you start your own ripple effect, it’s beautiful no matter what the reaction. That reaction makes another ripple and before we know it many lives have been touched by that ripple. But guess what, there could be no ripples what so ever if you choose to do nothing. If you choose not to make one, but then you will not achieve anything in another’s life if you don’t start your own ripple. What’s stopping you doing that today, this lunch time, tonight. Don’t put it off rejoice in the day you have today and make some ripples. what ever you decide to do, you will find out sooner or later that it had an effect somewhere. How humbling to know there are people out there still being touched by I ripple Bourne out of a negative situation. If we live then so should we give, it’s the circle of life that makes us stronger.

Have fun and please let me know how you got on.

Have a great day

Mark

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. It took me an hour to write, but will take you a second to share.

5 years.

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achieve, animal, attitude, blood cancer, Bloodcancer, bone, cancer, desire, destiny, encouragement, energy, facebook, family, friends, given, help, Hodgkin'sLymphoma, hope, hospital, life, lire, love, loved, muscle, neurology, oncology, partner, raise awareness, relentless, silverback, Spirituality, stories, struggle, survived, survivor, together, transplant, travel, tvr, twitter, Writing

5years
Wow, we made it if you are reading this, we have been married for 5 years today. There have been times we thought we would not make it due to my illness. But here we are celebrating 5 years marriage after the most cruel 5 years anyone could have imagined. Even yesterday a friend of mine lost his fight. It’s so sad that life has to end at some point, but it’s the same for us all.

  
I don’t want to be alive and do nothing with this precious life, it does not matter to me that we have fought to be here, what matters is that we are here, that our love has lasted. That I have a wife that’s not only faithful, but loves me with her whole heart. I can’t get through today without remembering my friend James we talked often on messenger. It’s amazing to have had a friend in him, an honest fun person.

  
I have to thank my wife for being my rock for 11 years, it’s now our 12th together. But oh what an amazing day 07/10/10 was. I am so grateful to have you as my wife Andie your amazing. Thank you for being with me and making our life together special. Thank you for being there for me always, you are not only my world but my everything. You give me reason to breath, you are my everything.

  
So today, everything is put aside to celebrate our life together, more over because it’s a miracle that I am alive. I thank God, I thank my mum, my dad, and all of my family and friends for all your support to bring us to this day. Thanks to all who are here with us today, your here because you mean something to us.

  
Have a great day.
Cheers
Mark n Andie 
http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.

Choose to be happy.

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ABVD, beam, Bloodcancer, bone, Bonecancer.transplant, cancer, change, chemotherapy, choice, haematology, happiness, happy, health, hematolohy, Hodgkins, hogkins!Lymphoma, Ice, myloma, PET CT, positive, remission, results, scan, scanner, survive

Choose to be happy.
So as you know I have been on the fight of my life, but it has not affected the world only my world. People carry on as if there is no problem what so ever, like there has never been an issue. People greet me and are not concerned with what the past has been for us. Just now, just today matters. Tomorrow is of no concern what so ever, because my fights were not theirs. Everyone has their own lives to live, which has its own challenges, our surrounding may challenge us. Our surroundings may even push us to the limits.

  
I do my best to be the best I can be every day, let’s take today Sunday 5.30am, yesterday 5.30am and the day before at 5.30am. The man on the yellow digger does not know how he is affecting my life by waking me up every morning. That the pneumatic chisel wakes me up and challenges my happiness. That I need my rest and its vital for my recovery from the 5 year fight. He has no clue what he is doing to me, no clue that I am woken up by this horrible sound. He has his own life to live and his own life to be happy in. Maybe he starts work so early so he can finish and care for his family. Maybe it’s just to hot to work in a digger later on which I totally get, and understand. How does this change my day? Well it doesn’t, what changes my day is my attitude to it.

  
So how will I combat this disappointment, well at least until we are moved. I will and am playing up beat music to keep my heart happy, I will smile at all the staff. I will bid everyone good day, I will treat my heart well. I will not get to unhappy and trust whilst I have spoken to all the people I can to change our situation I can do nothing about the situation. Only others can change it for us, so for that I am happy that people are helping us to change this for us. 

  
For me it’s about accepting what I cannot change, doing my best to change what’s in my control, then giving my best to those around me. Which I will continue to do… I hope you are having a happy day, and choosing to make your day as good as possible with out other people’s decisions affecting it. 

  
Have a great week. 
Mark
http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.

Making things happen.

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ABVD, beam, Bloodcancer, bone, Bonecancer.transplant, cancer, change, chemo, chemotherapy, haematology, health, hematolohy, Hodgkins, hogkins!Lymphoma, Ice, live, myloma, PET CT scanner, positive, remission, results, scan, survive

Morning, some films are a complete and utter inspiration. We as humans can get inspiration from anywhere if we choose to look for it. Me and Andie watched one of my favourite films today. “The worlds fastest Indian” a film I love to watch. It’s one of those against the odds movies. A movie that makes you want the outcome to be a positive one. The man called Bert, played by Anthony Hopkins, sees the man embark on a seemingly ridiculous journey. He has built a bike that was supposed to do 54mph when first made, and hopes to achieve 200mph on it. The trouble is that there is 8000 miles between him and the place on earth he would try to make this record happen. 

  
The man was completely and utterly determined to make it happen, against all the odds and suffering many setbacks he day after day pursued his passion, believing that he would achieve his goal. Many people tried to stop him, discourage him. Make him feel inadequate. But nothing had an effect, he pressed on regardless. This true storey is an inspiration to many, giving me anyway a reason to fight. It encouraged me when I was down and out to carry on. It encouraged me to not quit, to peruse a cancer free life.

  
The movie can be related to any persons quest to triumph in adversity, anyone can achieve what they set out to do if the do not quit. If they stand when it seems impossible to stand, to fight when there seems to be no strength left within you. It’s a tale of courage, of human achievement. You don’t have to be interested in a piece of machinery to get something out of it. All you have to do is be willing to say the words “I WILL” what ever effort you make, whatever the outcome. It’s amazing what can be achieved by saying I WILL.  WE ARE MASTERS OF OUR OWN DESTINY. 

  
Listen to this track today and believe that “you can” believe it and reach for the sky and make it happen. Put a step forwards and pursue what ever your dream is. Don’t let anyone hold you back, just keep moving forwards no matter what. Finding solutions along the way. When your tired rest, when your hungry eat. But never give up! Ever!

  
I hope you have a good week.

Mark

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.

How remission accomplished feels pt 2

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ABVD, beam, Bloodcancer, bone, Bonecancer.transplant, cancer, change, chemotherapy, haematology, health, hematolohy, Hodgkins, hogkins!Lymphoma, Ice, myloma, PET CT scanner, positive, remission, results, scan, survive

Morning all, hope you are well. Time for part to to more about Mark than from Mark. The last paragraph from yesterday.

When the trudge was halted by a small shed 15 ft x 12ft a place I was to have a transplant. On looking inside the small shed we saw many jagged rocks, there was nowhere comfortable to sit, there were no comfy seats, no positive words on the walls. As we looked closer though there were allot of people looking through the window. More people than I could count, we were amazed at who was there looking through. They held up signs one said ” in order to see a rainbow, you need to see a little rain” there was no way out of this shed. It was a one way ticket until further notice. A period again of unknown which required faith, love and encouragement. .

  
There was a box in their given to me by my sister that had a fun book in it to help us laugh in the shed. A lady in a nurse outfit held out her hand, her name was The same as my wife’s. As soon as I held her hand I felt out of control, I sobbed as I was faced with another choice. To take the 1 way ticket till further notice, or take the zip line back to the road that lead to black hole. Although it was a choice, there was only ever 1 way that I was going to go. I would go towards the shed door, to be locked in for a period of time. It was a time that I would need cancer stories more than I ever thought I would. 

  
I was asked if I wanted to know what was ahead, I declined although I did look around seeing things like, 144 hrs of chemo. Hickman line to be fitted, holes in the floor. Nothing about this place looked familiar or nice. There was no beer, no pumba doing the hoola. It was a barren place, a frightening place. A place of acute pain and lifelessness. Even so I could only see supporting people spurring me on, people that said we love you and want you in our lives for a long time. 

Sometimes a road that’s mapped out for us is not what we would hope, or choose for the people we love. But then you don’t gain anything without training. There was no escape on entry, there was a door which I was allowed to open, but it was preferred for it to remain shut. I was to find ways to exercise, walking with a stick and a drip stand was not easy. But I did it every day, I showered every morning, ate normal food despite the pain from the ulcers. Even having 2 meals to maintain muscle mass. The doctors said I would loose muscle, I was determined not to. I did press ups every day, even attached to the drip.

  
The drive home from that room seems along time ago now, and the words you are in remission I hear in my head 60 times an hour. It’s like non of the road, cliff and shed were real. Like they were not as hard as what they really were. That’s what your brain does, it helps you forget the bad stuff, and remember the good stuff. Many times in my room I had to ring the number to God.  Jer 33vs3 

  
Now we have a new perspective, a road where flowers grow, streams flow and animals are full and happy. A place where it feels safe, where there is not much fear. A place where winners reside, strong people live. The road is called “we missed you road” a place where people want to hug you, show love and people smile at you with no agenda. A place where a new stream flows from its source. We don’t know where the stream will take us. All we know is that we have each other, and our aim is to hold out our hands to as many people that we see that need us.

  
You want to scream from the roof tops that you are in remission. You want the world to know how good it feels. But although all this is true you are left with a very real and fervent respect for cancer, eating more fruit and trying to give yourself  the best chance at life possible. I thank God and all those that have supported me for my life, and the new journey that we have before us. CANCER FREE!!!!!
Have a great day

Mark

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.

You only live twice

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ABVD, beam, Bloodcancer, bone, Bonecancer.transplant, cancer, change, chemotherapy, daveruttan, haematology, health, hematolohy, Hodgkins, hogkins!Lymphoma, Ice, jackie, Laura, myloma, PET CT scanner, positive, remission, results, scan, survive

Morning, it’s amazing this journey we all call life. We live yet we are such fragile beings, I feel privalaged. Not to have beaten cancer but that I have a life, but this is no ordinary life that I live. 4 years ago I fought the fight of my life. I fought like hell to beat cancer and got into remission, then starting to live my life. It was a strange feeling being told I was in remission. I can’t exsplain it but I never felt that it had left my body, my hair never fell out during chemo. Although it was tough and a hard thing to achieve, and I could not contradict what the scan showed, also what the doctors were saying. I had won, I had fought hard and won. 

  

 It’s great though, not because I won, but the people I am coming into contact with. People that can relate to my journey even sharing journeys they have had. Such is the inspiration for this Blog, a person that stumbled across my blog rang true. I then learn the storey about Dave Ruttan, Laura’s brother in law. This is about his story along with mine in one place.

Dave had colon cancer, he was married to Jackie Ruttan. This is what Laura has to say about Dave and Jackie.

My brother in law was named Dave. He was a bearded, chubby biker who drove a gigantic bright orange Harley Davidson. He was big and strong, fearless and wonderful. The day Dave passed, I was home alone, it was around 10:30 at night and I was on the phone with a friend. My friend started freaking out and said “I have to go, I have to go” and hung up on me. A second later my sister called to tell me Dave had passed away. Immediately after I hung up from her, my friend called back apologizing but there was a huge crash in his backyard. This is a man that I will never forget, and should never be forgotten.

This is what Laura wrote for their wedding day.

Dave, I used to think that you were the luckiest man in the world to have found my sister. She’s warm and strong and true. But in all honesty, Dave, my sister is luckier to have found you. Thank you Dave. Thank you for reminding my sister about love. Thank you for reminding me. Thank you for reminding any and everyone who meets you, because anyone who didn’t believe in love, changed when they saw your two faces.

  Left – right Laura, Dave, and Jackie
May your time together be filled with the love that I didn’t believe existed until Jackie met Dave. 

Laura did not make the wedding. Due to ill health. But Dave is like my brother he also got into remission. He is an example to all cancer fighters. Although Dave had Colon cancer, he beat it wearing a colostomy bag because of it. I imagine he lived life to the full after winning his battle. Although I don’t know Dave I know how hard he had to fight just to get to hear those words.

  
Dave was married to Jackie for 9 days before he passed away, the cancer came back and he was to weak to fight it anymore. But he lived a full life for 20 years, isn’t it nice to hear that during those 20 years he was to find what love was, what it felt like to know the security of a loving genuine hand. Life is so unpredictable, and it does not matter how big you are, strong you are. Cancer takes whoever it likes, but I tip my hat to a man that fought and won so he could live twice.

  
For me I have fought and won twice now, I have fought that my friends and family can have more time with me. That I may have a life to encourage others with, to help other people see a new way of thinking. Maybe give them (you) the strength you need to fight. You can’t make a dream come true if you don’t have a dream I say. So love your life, live for today. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone.

  
 I have a chance to live for a third time having lived twice. At 46 I have the chance to do what some like Dave didn’t get. Cancer is a mean desease, but we stand and I for 1 want to wish Jackie well as she prepares to marry again. I am sure his storey will be read by more people now, and guess what YOU can help more people be affected by his life. Let’s make today a day we share Daves Story. RIP Dave Ruttan….

Live because you can, do what you dream of because you can. You CAN remember that.

Have a great day

Mark 

Special thanks to Jackie Ruttan, and Laura McGowan.

https://skinnyandsingle.wordpress.com/2014/07/21/my-amazing-sister/
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How re mission accomplished feels. Pt 1

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achieve, animal, attitude, blood cancer, Bloodcancer, bone, cancer, desire, destiny, encouragement, energy, facebook, family, friends, given, help, Hodgkin'sLymphoma, hope, hospital, life, lire, love, loved, muscle, neurology, oncology, partner, raise awareness, relentless, silverback, stories, struggle, survived, survivor, together, transplant, travel, tvr, twitter, Writing

Hi all, I had a message from one of our Cancer stories members yesterday asking to hear more about mark, than from Mark. So Leanne storey here it is just for you.

It’s hard to think back and remember how things felt at certain times in this battle, what I do know is that my brain tends to shut out how it really felt. It’s a self preservation part of me, a part of me we all have to protect us. 

  
Before cancer arrives, you are just a normal person that thinks cancer is something that happens to others, not me. I did not know what chemo was, I just knew it was how cancer was treated. I had no picture in my mind as to what it looks like. I had no idea what side effects it had, how sick it made you feel, how emotionally it floors you. 

This is how I see cancer, when you hear you have it you have 2 choices. It’s like you have arrived at the sea front and the only options are to turn left or right. One way is rocky and up hill and difficult, the other is down hill towards a black hole called Death. Which ever way you go it seems a negative way.  I chose the rocky uphill road, because I believed I was more than I had become. That cancer did not belong in my life or body. I did not care what this journey would throw at me, I was determined to win. I was determined to cross the finish line. As I travelled I realised there were more people than I had realised on the journey, my thoughts were to help them no matter what. My odds were not great at getting into remission which made me want to help more people in case my efforts were futile. 

  
As I walked along the road, I saw faces more regularly. My wife all the time, she was and is dependable. She always looked me in the eye with belief, encouraging me. Crying with me, laughing with me, and grieving with me. My parents and my brother were of great strength to us. My sister in law was a great support to Andrea keeping her awake after hospital visits. Bev and Josh did lots of fund raising. The further we walked the more people there were near us. Like a Tour de France uphill stage, the further we went the more people arrived to encourage us forwards. Spurring us on, sometimes looking back at the road with the black hole in it. Wondering if I had gone the wrong way. The road began to break up tumbling down the mountain, the road became a cliff face. A steep cliff which was impossible to climb, but still people remained holding out their hands, they cheered believing we would reach the summit. 

I was getting cut on the rocks, hurt by procedures at times believing cancer would be beaten almost left me. I would feel overwhelming feelings that this could NOT be beaten. 
  You see before I was diagnosed with relapsed Hodgkins Lymphoma  I started the group Cancer stories on face book. It’s now renamed as cancer stories (a support group) this group grew with other fighters, other people that were a source of strength, giving strength to all that were in that group.

Although the feeling on this road were overwhelming the people, Gods people. Were there for me, there for us. People we did not know became friends, and still are friends. Some days were impossible, even minutes became impossible. So I blogged and I blogged and never gave up, taking people on the journey with us, we found that the weight of the people with us was not a hinderance. The strength from them eased the load instead of weighing us down.  The people that were to matter for the rest of our lives showed themselves. People you thought were going to be there for the rest of my life recoiled, showing they did not have the right to be in our future. Learning to forgive those that made those choices learning to pray in a new way. Forgiving people for their limited knowledge and putting in the bin some words people say. But holding so close some of the amazing things people have said to us, holding on to everything that was positive in our eyes.

  
When the trudge was halted by a small shed 15 ft x 12ft a place I was to have a transplant. On looking inside the small shed we saw many jagged rocks, there was nowhere comfortable to sit, there were no comfy seats, no positive words on the walls. As we looked closer though there were allot of people looking through the window. More people than I could count, we were amazed at who was there looking through. They held up signs one said ” in order to see a rainbow, you need to see a little rain” there was no way out of this shed. It was a one way ticket until further notice. A period again of unknown which required faith, love and encouragement. …….. Part 2 tomorrow.

Keep strong

Mark

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.

Bucket list.

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ABVD, beam, Bloodcancer, bone, Bonecancer, bucket list, cancer, change, chemotherapy, haematology, health, hematolohy, Hodgkins, hogkins!Lymphoma, Ice, live, myloma, PET CT scanner, positive, remission, remmission, results, scan, survive, transplant

Morning, how are you today? Well have you done one, I know it’s something I have to do. I have been a little  apprehensive about doing one. Mainly because when I was in the scouts at St Andrews church Blackburn. There were many times we would go and be given a pen and paper to write down the things we would like to do. The trouble with that was that, we only ever wrote a list, we never actually did the things that were on the list. Obviously if you had asked me to write a list in January this year. There would only have been 1 entry. I think you can guess what that entry would be.

  
The point is though that the only person standing in the way of your happiness, your dream, your ambition is YOU. We can spend our time blaming situations, other people. The things people say that make you feel so negative, the things people do that are not the standard that we want to attain to. Those things are choices that others have made. Why should your life be dictated by another’s Wants and dislikes, how is that right that our list contains bullet points that mean you want to change another person.

  
Life is about accepting people for who they are, and walking away from negativity. Not allowing negativity to take hold of you. Saying yes, taking control of your own Destiny not allowing it to be redirected by another’s opinion. Believe in yourself, and keep close those people that have a positive influence on your life. The people that truly love you will walk with you, no matter what!

  
Me and Andie feel a bit lost at the moment as our focus has to change, our goals have shifted and to be quite honest I don’t know what the new ones will be. What I do know is that it will involve encouraging others, that maybe involved with cancer.  The last months and years have changed us, the big house in the country is no longer on the list. Health is the new house in the country. Smiling, laughing, friends, love, passion, family, and compassion.

Some might say that cancer has taken our dream, I say our dream has changed because of cancer. These are the things that are on my list now, not a parachute jump or a ride on a Segway.  Morning is where it’s at for me right now, just waking up will do me quite nicely thank you. Whilst awake I aim to encourage people with my blogs, and giving myself the best chance at being cancer free, that’s where it’s at for me right now. I am sure while me and Andie have our holiday which is soon we will add some things to that list. But there is one thing that we WILL do on holiday, we both have wanted to do all our lives. It’s more of an ambition though. I will post when that day arrives.

  
It’s with anticipation we think about the future, clouded by the possibility of a return of the dreaded, that just involves cation, I try not to think about that though and try to concentrate on enjoying each day, that we have been given together. I hope you do to. As we start to live again as apposed to having cancer to beat. I hope you are with us on our new journey to.

  
Have a great bank holiday Monday.

Mark

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.

DO NOT READ.

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ABVD, beam, Bloodcancer, bone, Bonecancer.transplant, cancer, change, chemotherapy, haematology, health, hematolohy, Hodgkins, hogkins!Lymphoma, Ice, myloma, PET CT scanner, positive, remission, results, scan, survive

Hi, how are you doing today? I want to talk to you about negatives today, what people say that discourages you. I also want to give you a thought about why that is, remember all I say are my opinions based on my experience.
  

  
You see that’s what a negative comment is, an opinion. The only reason we MAY think a comment negative is because it’s what we don’t want to hear? Is that the truth? Negative to me is when a person says can’t to me or words like never, or no. Having said that I accept the word no in this sentence. “You have no cancer” now that’s a negative I dearly want to hear.
  

  
What did you think when you saw the title of this blog? I bet you opened it anyway because I would. Why can’t we breed a people that say yes like the TSB. A people that say CAN not can’t DO instead of don’t. Well it boils down to what we are taught. Can I put it like this, The Lord’s Prayer. Is there a negative use of a word in the Lord’s Prayer? (Lead us NOT into temptation) I deem to be positive how about you? It’s a prayer we are taught to repeat every day as Christians. 
  

  
 In our house we use words like can, will, and am. We are determined to be positively positive. We do our best daily to encourage people around us, to offer solutions as opposed to finding a problem with every solution. Isn’t that easy to find a reason not to as opposed a reason to do. The real successful people on this planet like Richard Branson have nick names like “the yes man” words like wish are replaced with will. You see you choose with every decision to do or not to do. I chose to have chemo to save my life, so I could live more years. The hard way, it’s not easy to say yes all the time, in fact we say yes we take on more and seemingly make life harder. Do we not give pleasure to someone else by saying yes though. Is not someone’s life made better does it have to be ours? People love honesty, but people also like consideration to. 
  

   
 Remember a blog I wrote a while ago that talks about we are what we say we are. We have the power to bring up positive children to become a positive nation. But also grounded , informed, intelligent People. I tell you what I wish I had “Siri” or “Google” when I was growing up. We had scientific calculators that had more symbols on it than the Highway Code. A Rubix cube, and a 14″b/w tele, without a remote control. A video player had a wire leading to the control on the really good ones. The only way a boy found out about the female form, was in Kay’s catalogue, but wondered why a girl shirt was so small. At school you were most excited when there was a TV on a stand in the room. 

  
How different the world is today, I mean it really is. I pads will be laughed at in 30 years. What will the world look like then? Well I can’t tell you that, but what I can tell you is. Tomorrow never comes, so love with your whole heart today, give with out regret and most of all. Listen to those that are in your life. Oh and if you had to google video, it’s the old you tube.

  
  

Have a great day
Mark

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.

A special blog.

Tags

Bloodcancer, change, chemotherapy, haematology, health, hematolohy, Hodgkins, hogkins!Lymphoma, myloma, positive, remission

Whilst sat on my bed in royal Preston hospital waiting for my PET CT scan. My mind is imagining all of the different people that have sat where I am right now. I wonder how many people have had the good news that I hope to get, it’s so over whelming so much so it has upset me. Probably not in the way you think I may be upset. I am thinking of all the people who’s lives have been preserved because of the scanner I am going to go in. Where did they work, what did they do, where do they live. 
  
We are privileged here in Preston to have 1 of the 2 64 bit scanners that the UK has. We have so much to be thankful for, so many blessings that we have that we did not know we had. The families of the people that have been in here, what do they do. How did they get on. I am so grateful to still have my life, so thankful to have such a beautiful wife and family. Your life is precious isn’t it, don’t waste what you have thinking negatively. It never has a positive outcome. I would love to create this picture with my family….

  

I could be sat here thinking why do I have to do this, life’s unfair, but I believe in PMA a positive mental attitude. You can’t ever get depressed with a PMA, because it’s a way of life not a feeling. It’s something we choose. All the gifts God has given us are free, amazing that isn’t it. The birds, the trees, mountains, everything we see around us, I for one am so grateful for. 

  
There are some amazing people in this world, I hope you are one of them. People who really care, people that show compassion and concern. People like that are hard to find, that’s because it’s easier to do nothing. It’s easier to just walk on by, we make those choices everyday to do or not to do. It’s up to us, no one will make you it’s your choice to give or take. I personally find it far more rewarding to give and not take. It’s our choice what we do with our life. 

  
I have been my own worst enemy in the past, but now I want to befriend the guy in the mirror. I actually think he’s alright you know. Well it’s nearly time now, I have had my lorazepam now it’s just a case of getting it done. It will all be over in an hour. Have a great Tuesday.
Mark

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.

Scan day today.

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ABVD, beam, Bloodcancer, bone, change, chemotherapy, haematology, health, hematolohy, Hodgkins, hogkins!Lymphoma, Ice, myloma, positive, remission, survive, transplant

The day we have been working towards is here, this day will collate the imformation that they need to find out if all the chemo I have had,  has worked and kicked this little spineless life changing thing, that’s been named cancer. No doubt it has turned our worlds upside down, not just mine. All of my family have been affected, and my closest friends. So many others around the globe have been included in this marathon on Cancer stories ( support group ) people have been amazing. True friendships have been made stronger because of cancer. People have met each other because of it. No doubt people have even had relationships restored because of cancer.

  
So you see, cancer may be trying to take away but I believe any situation can be made positive. It’s just how we deal with it in our own minds. Along this journey we have made many friends, we have relationships that we know will stand the test of time because of thier efforts. Sadly we have realised that some people just don’t care. Full stop. Why is that? Maybe you have an answer but I don’t know why some people distance themselves. People locally have just been awesome, weeding the garden, cutting grass, and Karl Boardman has shown an amazing arm of strength for me. Even building a man shed next to my stream. My dad has sent me a text every day, showing how mum and dad are supporting us.

  
Cancer has been a real eye opener as to who is who. No doubt all of you reading have your own stories to tell, I would live to hear how others have been with you. I must have faith today as I go in that machine, and believe that I am healed, that I will never have to have chemo again. I want to rejoice with my whole family, so you see the importance of today. It could put the whole fight into perspective giving me longevity and a life that I would never have had without the help of all the health professionals to.

  
So here we go 12.45 appointment injection at 1pm then in the scanner at 2pm leaving the hospital around 2.45pm glowing like the boy on the ready brek advert in the 70’s

Thank you if you have been in this fight with us. Really thank you, your all important to us.

Mark 

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.

Being happy.

Tags

achieve, animal, attitude, blood cancer, Bloodcancer, bone, cancer, desire, destiny, encouragement, energy, facebook, family, friends, given, help, Hodgkin'sLymphoma, hope, hospital, life, lire, love, loved, muscle, neurology, oncology, partner, raise awareness, relentless, silverback, Spirituality, stories, struggle, survived, survivor, together, transplant, travel, tvr, twitter, Writing

I have said for a very long time now, but appreciate it even more having gone through the cancer journey twice. That the people that are millionaires in this world, are the ones that are happy. Today we went to a show that I did not want to go to really. The leg pain was unbearable, but even so we did it. My attitude to it stank, I was a grumpy middle aged man thinking about the things I wanted to do. Not what was important for my wife to do.

  
Part way in I realised that I had worked hard to be alive and what was the point in that if I was not to enjoy the day we had together. So I physically changed what my thought pattern was, changing it to a grateful one. One that I appreciated what we saw, appreciated that Andies mum would have been with her today if I had not been there. But Norma sadly is not with us, and I am. I quickly realised that it was a privalage not a chore. But it was up to me to change my own thinking, to be grateful and to think about my Andie not the pain that I am burdened with. 

  
It was amazing, what happened moments later. We bumped into Andies Auntie who lives 50 miles from where we were in southport. It was almost like a acknowledgment that I was putting my wife first. Great isn’t it how it makes us feel to put someone else first, I am just so grateful that I was able to make this happen. Although seeing Andies auntie was awesome and it brought back lots of fond memories of her mum and dad, and other family members. I hope you have had a great weekend and hope you have a great week.

Mark

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.

How laughter helps..

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achieve, animal, attitude, blood cancer, Bloodcancer, bone, cancer, desire, destiny, encouragement, energy, facebook, family, friends, given, help, Hodgkin'sLymphoma, hope, hospital, life, lire, love, loved, muscle, neurology, oncology, partner, raise awareness, relentless, silverback, Spirituality, stories, struggle, survived, survivor, together, transplant, travel, tvr, twitter, Writing

For me all the way through cancer I have needed people around me that make me laugh, fortunately I have a wife with a great sense of humour. I have learnt to find things funny, I have learnt to feel comfortable laughing at myself. Good job really when you see the reflection I have to look at. I believe laughter disperses the weight that problems give to us. I believe all people should have a day a week where you spend it with people that can make you laugh like no one is watching. Spend time with people that you don’t care what happens whilst your with them because you can be yourself.

  
Us Boys make time every week to have what we call Pool night. Where we all hook up for a game of pool, and some food, it’s a time where we forget the weeks hassle and let your hair down. It’s so vital to our health that we make time for friends as well as the family we have. Friends are our tonic, they help keep us sane and walk our walk with us. These people you will find smiling at you whilst pushing you in the Limo when it’s broken down. These people will show you unconditional love, it’s a beautiful thing. Something I for one absolutely value. 

  
If you know someone that is fighting, give them a smile today. Go on you know it will be good for you to, don’t go to comfort go to laugh together like no one is watching. The down time will be remembered and appreciated.

Mark

Dealing with anger in cancer.

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achieve, animal, attitude, blood cancer, Bloodcancer, bone, cancer, desire, destiny, encouragement, energy, facebook, family, friends, given, help, Hodgkin'sLymphoma, hope, hospital, life, lire, love, loved, muscle, neurology, oncology, partner, raise awareness, relentless, silverback, Spirituality, stories, struggle, survived, survivor, together, transplant, travel, tvr, twitter, Writing

Hi guys, how does today find you. I am verY conscious that people want to turn their back on the exsperiences they had fighting cancer when it’s over. This is because of a few reasons. Your brain is amazing and quickly shuts down memories that are harmful to our future. That’s why I documented my fight so I would not forget. When you fight cancer, you really do have to fight, nothing comes to you easily. It has the potential to make you lose it. What I am about to share with you is very private, but a true example of how I managed to get through the isolation side. There is a particular day I want to share with you, the day I Experienced being neutrapeenic for the first time. Bear in mind your body is capable of overcoming any emotional feeling.

  
Please bear with me while I exsplain. When you go into hospital to have a transplant, the chemo you have pumped into your Hickman line directly into your main arteries. The medicine flattens your blood so you have no defence against germs at all. That’s what being neutrapeenic is, having no defence system, so that when your stem cells are introduced into the body, that your body does not try to reject them. I will attempt to discribe what this feels like.

Ok so the day I am thinking of, I was so very very scared. I felt as though I was falling in my mind, not like I was falling out of a window. But like I was floating very fast towards earth from space. Totally out of control, nothing to hold on to. No where to gain strength, just falling with no way of stopping it. I was shaking bent over, dribbling as I cried with my hands clenched hard. Digging in further than I ever had, I was experiencing feelings I had never known before. Feelings of complete helplessness. Which was making me very angry, I started to imagine ways I could escape from my room, great escape style. Maybe tying sheets together to get away from the feeling you have inside of you.  My wife was sat next to me reassuring me, I remember asking her. “What’s wrong with me Andie” she did not know. We called a nurse to ask her what was going on. I was to hear the words “it’s normal what you are feeling” WOW what relief that gave me. How much relief I felt inside, so although I am out of control ( seemingly ) it was at least normal.
  
Many times in there I got angry, I used twitter to help me. Putting into the search box things like. Positivity, positive, encouragement, belief, anything that would give me positive vibes. Writing my blog for you helped allot as well. Although knowing my wife would be there every morning was the best thing I could wish for. When she left I would go to the bath room, and when I came out she would have gone. But in my mind she would be back in the morning. 

  
The hardest part of cancer treatment, is staying calm and focused whilst enduring the crap you have to face. I say have to, you have a choice to not do it. But not when you have promised your wife and best mates that you will complete the transplant to give yourself the best chance at an exstended life. Cancer stories group was a huge help, and having many people to talk to everyday was such a blessing. You have to use every conceivable tool possible to keep yourself from losing it. Having a long suffering wife is a huge blessing to. 

The purpose of this honesty is to say. You can be the very best of you in that situation, should you choose. You can achieve what ever you decide to. It boils down to a decision that you make, many things can make us angry. It’s how we respond that matters.

Have a great day

Mark 

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.

Your beautiful. (No really YOU are)

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achieve, animal, attitude, blood cancer, Bloodcancer, bone, cancer, desire, destiny, encouragement, energy, facebook, family, friends, given, help, Hodgkin'sLymphoma, hope, hospital, life, lire, love, loved, muscle, neurology, oncology, partner, raise awareness, relentless, silverback, Spirituality, stories, struggle, survived, survivor, together, transplant, travel, tvr, twitter, Writing

Who are you? Those words, they just leave so much unsaid. But I want you to look in the mirror today, I just want to to have a word with the person in the mirror. Because you are beautiful, you are the one. No one else can walk your steps and be you. I am not saying your perfect because no one is, but you have beauty. You chose and choose to see it or not see it. Have you watched the lion king? I know I have mentioned it before but YOU are more than what you have become. You are so much more, and the beauty that’s in you can only be brought out by you.  it’s you who chooses to see it or not.

  There are so many people that need what you, and only you can offer. It’s in your hands, to see what you want to see. You see for me it’s a clarifying moment for Simba the Lion, he saw his own reflection in the water. What everyone sees right. Wrong. People don’t see what you look like, they only see that when they first meet you so they are able to tell what you look like. What people see is in what you say, what you do, and how you smile. Your beauty can be seen from far away if we allow it to be seen. The guy that asks for your change everyday, he sees your beauty. 

  
What I love about this part of the movie is when the monkey replies to him. Simba says “it’s just my reflection” the monkey was trying to get Simbe to see that his father was alive. He says “Simba, look harder” only then does he see the reflection of his father in the water.  That’s because we have our parents in us. We are a reflection of what our parents have taught us. The parts of them that we choose to be, and the parts of us we let others see of us. This song says what I am trying to say to you. 

When I travelled across Australia I found my inner beauty, some people call it insecurity when they don’t allow someone to see inside them. I call it stubbornness, the longer we don’t let people see who we are is more time when we can’t truly bless someone. 

  
I hope you can become your Beautiful? I hope you choose to allow someone to see who you really are. I remember 20 years ago, I was walking threw Exeter. I had a little time to kill as I was going to get on a bus bk up to Lancashire. There was a guy begging, so I sat down next to him and opened my sandwich box. I turned to him offering him 1 of my 2 rolls. It was an unspoken moment that we shared, but I know he remembers it like I do. That’s called showing your inner beauty, not wanting anything in return just allowing someone to see how beautiful you are. 

The most precious gift in life is free, LOVE.

Have a great day

Mark
http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.

Travelling guy.

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achieve, animal, attitude, blood cancer, Bloodcancer, bone, cancer, desire, destiny, encouragement, energy, facebook, family, friends, given, help, Hodgkin'sLymphoma, hope, hospital, life, lire, love, loved, muscle, neurology, oncology, partner, raise awareness, relentless, silverback, Spirituality, stories, struggle, survived, survivor, together, transplant, travel, tvr, twitter, Writing

10.10am and I am still in bed, leg pain is bad today. So is the ill feeling so I am resting today. So here is a blog I wrote some time ago for you.

Travellinguy 
Back in 2003 I sold my house in Preston put all my property in storage and got my dad to drop me off at airport.

  
Sat at the airport with a rucksack and a few quid, it was going to be an adventure. A time to find out who I was, as I sit here in isolation disconnected from the world 1 of the only ways to keep sane is to remove yourself from the situation in your mind. So right now I have just landed in Perth. I was to meet a guy with an Aston villa top on, never having met him I had no idea what to expect. He was a short stocky guy with a bald head. We smiled at each other and that familia sound of that horrible Midlands accent came out. But it was kinda diluted by a Aussie twang and sounded quite cool.

 
Many things were to happen before me but after he feel asleep at work and printed 38 pages off of the letter p that was the end I had to leave. I had bought a car, picture below. Blow up mattress in the back and off I went on the adventure of my life.

  
To places with 2 Swedish girls with me, the most boring girls I had ever met in my life. I was not to leave them until I got to Albany where I just got up real early got money off them for the fuel they owed me and drove off to Esperance. 

   
Esperance is where I will leave writing this blog today. But the point of this blog is to say. You have amazing u inside you, you just have to be willing to allow yourself to find it. Love you, don’t take any negatives from anyone. Be the best you can be, love the best of your ability but most of all find the real you. The you that’s amazing, refuse anything the world says and protect your heart and what you believe in. Go where you want to go, and let nothing stop you from achieving what you feel you can.

  
You are unique and no one is on YOUR journey.
Have a great day
mark

Christmas Eve 2014

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achieve, animal, attitude, blood cancer, Bloodcancer, bone, cancer, desire, destiny, encouragement, energy, facebook, family, friends, given, help, Hodgkin'sLymphoma, hope, hospital, life, lire, love, loved, muscle, neurology, oncology, partner, raise awareness, relentless, silverback, Spirituality, stories, struggle, survived, survivor, together, transplant, travel, tvr, twitter, Writing

Update – so house phones rings, it’s my consultant. I am thinking well he must be ringing to let me know the results of the needle biopsy. Alas it was inconclusive. Which means I have to have it cut out of my neck after all. Right now right at this moment I am definitely contemplating (thinking) of just not having a second lot of chemo. See the facts are I live everyday with pain in my legs, walking the dog is not even a consideration some days so I run her in the garden instead. My hands are numb most of the time, and the chemo they propose is 1500 times stronger than the last lot. They can’t tell me what damage will happen above what I have already. So I quander live what I have left. Or have the chemo that will make the damage to my body worse. Some of you know what I face, see last time I went on a trial which meant the information they learnt would save someone’s life maybe. So of course I went on the trial. There is no chance of a trial this time. It’s just to save my life. Dunno how I feel about it really, just unhappy and furious. Sorry to witter. Above was written October 2014.

Seems light years away since I wrote the above words, but every word is the truth. 

  
I would need to go in for a pre op, it’s like an mot, or a check to see how well you are. To see if you are fit enough for an operation. The lady there had had cancer herself, she was quite upset herself talking to me as it brought it all back and I guess she was reminded what is involved in my journey ahead. We are all human, and I guess when you work in the medical profession you have a caring nature, and compassion. We have to bear that in mind when we talk to folk, it does not matter where we work. We all have feelings.

The day of the operation was Christmas Eve, I decided to drive myself to the hospital in my Rocky balboa robe that my sister had bought me. The eye of the tiger should have been playing thinking about it, it was just my way of getting strength to go through with it. 

  
Of course I got some looks but I didn’t care, I had to find out if it was cancer again. The only way to do that was to have the mass removed from my neck. I had had this operation before, but last time I was awake whilst they took a slither sample. They said 20 minutes but it took 1hr 20mins awake and remaining still whilst they cut away. I can’t remember a time that I was more scared, I remember praying out loud for God to help me as they wheeled me into the theatre. Bear in mind I was not aware how hard cancer was to beat the first time, I just knew that being at stage 4a was very advanced. Having beaten it at that late stage, you may think I had confidence I would beat it again.

  
 The answer to that is No. I could not have all the information, all I needed to know was what I needed to do next. What I needed to prepare myself for next, not in a few months! now. By taking 1 step at a time was vital. Although I was aware of what was ahead, all those steps had to put to the back of my mind whilst I just concentrated on what was next.

  
No one knows except the person who is told they have cancer what it feels like to hear those words. I can still feel that feeling, even smell what it was like. I can’t exsplain that. I remember asking my consultant questions like. What happens if I don’t have chemo, then hearing the Brutal words “you will die” Andie said my face changed at that moment. 

  
Now you have to know, I am very very confident in how I do everything in life, I believed I would beat what ever life threw at me, I even remember Andie looking at me saying, “you can do this” I whole heartedly believed it. That I could do it what ever it was, right up until the moment I got my answer to that question. It’s hard to be told you WILL lose your life because of cancer, now I know my journey has not been as bad as some. Really..? Cancer is cancer and it’s horrific what ever has to be done to beat it.

 I am documenting my journey even writing a book. Which I plan to finish before the end of the year. I want others to know that your not alone there is help out there. 

https://www.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536/

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

You are not alone.

Now I am recovering, and still positive in my recovery, but hope everyday to help someone out there. That’s all I want to do every day, encourage you.

  
Have a great day

Mark

Giving is a beautiful gift.

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achieve, animal, attitude, blood cancer, Bloodcancer, bone, cancer, desire, destiny, encouragement, energy, facebook, family, friends, given, help, Hodgkin'sLymphoma, hope, hospital, life, lire, love, loved, muscle, oncology, partner, raise awareness, relentless, silverback, Spirituality, stories, struggle, survived, survivor, survivorlHodgkin'sLymphoma, together, transplant, traveneurology, tvr, twitter, Writing

The best things that have happened to me this week have been born out of giving. It’s amazing the pleasure I get from it. Take seeing my parents this week, you can’t go out and buy the look my dad gives to me when he claps eyes on me. It’s to be treasured. My wife Andie has made me see that, time can bring its last tock at any moment. Why some people are taken early and others have a long life is just the way life is.  But you never know how much you will miss them till they are gone. Just to see my dads face light up yesterday was worth the effort that’s floored me today.

  
See the point is, (this I got from my wife to) it’s not what you do for someone when they are gone that matters. It’s what you do when they are here that matters, how you make them feel inside when you see someone. What you give does not need to cost money, it’s time that means so much as far as I can work out. Time with people that matter to you, so that when they or you have past you leave behind happiness and memories.
  Since being infected by cancer, I have chosen to bless others where ever possible. I hope every time I write that someone chooses to do something they otherwise would not have done. Don’t think about it, make it a memory, I am proud to be married to such an amazing person. Now I think it’s time to give to her, in the shape of a thrashing at pool. 

  
Have a great weekend

Mark.
http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.