A death sentence.

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blog, books, c, cancer, chemotheropy, health, hope, Laughter, love, me, post, radiotheropy

Is that that what cancer is? A death sentence we didn’t choose? A journey we didn’t choose. A part of our life we never even thought would be part of our lives. Before you read this blog I want you to know, that people that face cancer in what ever form be it as a patient, partner,  family, carer, or friend. I want you to know these people are amongst the most courageous in the world. All cancers are different and how ever we decide to deal with it rest assured the journey is one through Hell. 

Today I found myself in the presence of someone amazing, someone who has fought the fight like I have and are. He is an inspiration and a seriously generous person with his time. Today I left hospital one year ago, the same hospital the man I speak of left 2 years ago after his bone marrow transplant. Yet we find ourselves together errecting a conservatory. Part of that day involved standing on a trellis on tip toes for a while with my arms in the air holding the cross beam in place. It was 10 mins before my next pain killers. What you don’t know is walking is tough, never mind standings or a period of time. The pain as I stood began yo surpass the pain that was normal and bearable, and I found myself feeling so very sore and horrific pain in my legs.

There I was with my friend who I knew was one of the few people on the earth that understood my pain, one of the few people that understood what I felt inside. Understood the actual pain I felt. Here tonight remembering what’s happened today and what we have achieved. I don’t feel sorry I cried, I feel amazed I have a brother who knows and understands what I face and what I have been through and what appreciation I have for life. Holding that bar up feeling the pain I felt made me cry, it made me feel useless whilst being useful. We did something today that was hard to do. Maybe some would see as impossible. For me and my friend we believe in the impossible made possible.

Sometimes the only thing standing in the way is ourselves, and maybe we just need to fight through the pain and get to the otherside. The side where there are people that have life because they fought, people that have overcome grief in loving the very people that do have life and are living today. 

Maybe you feel today is impossible, well let me tell you that it’s amazing what you can achieve if you keep on keeping on. Did you know impossible means the opposite to what you think. See  you are possible, it’s just the I’m in the way of possible isn’t it. Try and find something you enjoy in this life, it’s there if you look for it. I know one thing . 

I have gained many friends through cancer. Keep on keeping on your one of lives courageous people and you CAN.

Fonz

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Honesty about beating Cancer. Twice.

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c, cancer, chemotheropy, eu, hope, love, politics, referendam, together, word

So here I am it’s 12pm I am still in bed, yup that’s right the pain is still with me and I am not able to walk today. If I was that man that was under the circumstances maybe I would feel sorry for myself and maybe even shed a tear, but that’s not me. I actually smile that I have pain, yea it’s true. The smile is because I can actually feel the pain, the pain makes me know I am alive. That although standing hurts, that I have beaten cancer. “Twice”. The pain reminds me every hour of the day how hard the fight was, it reminds me of many other things to. It reminds me of  my family, my friendships, this blog and the support people have given me around the world. The pain makes me grateful to be alive, happy to have life in whatever fashion   that is.


You see for me, life has never been a breeze. Everything I have ever done I have had to do the hard way. But I am sure that I speak for most people on the planet, life’s not easy is it? If it is easy for you then please tell me how you do that? 

What I have realised personally at the age of 47, is that we all have similar battles in different guises. But I don’t think there are many people walking the earth that have an easy time. It’s just most don’t shout about it, or share how they are feeling.mmaybe telling those closest to them and that’s it. Well it was a little different for me as the first time I had it I was given a short time to live without treatment. But even then that was not enough to tell you about it. It was not until I had been around cancer for 3 years and got it again that I was compelled to start writing a blog. I wanted to share my journey when I realised I was going to have to have my transplant. All I knew is that I would win and wanted to share that journey with you.

Yesterday I went back through my blog and looked at some of what I have written over the past year. The posts I was reading began to touch me, it made me feel I was reading someone else’s journey not mine. I know this sounds strange but I started to like the person who had written them. Yea I started to like myself. It’s amazing how I have turned the pain around to me saying ” you have pain, because you have life” yes of course we are not super human and have to listen to our bodies. After all we get pain for a reason right. Mine is because chemo has damaged the ends of my nerves, but surely the pain free option would have not been the best for those around me that loved me.  I have pain because I chose to fight and to beat cancer the way that I did. Yea there was a 1 in 4 chance I would not make it, the pain reminds me I made it everyday.

Pain is a reminder of how strong we are and were is it not?

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

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Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

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Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own.

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