Choose to be happy.

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ABVD, beam, Bloodcancer, bone, Bonecancer.transplant, cancer, change, chemotherapy, choice, haematology, happiness, happy, health, hematolohy, Hodgkins, hogkins!Lymphoma, Ice, myloma, PET CT, positive, remission, results, scan, scanner, survive

Choose to be happy.
So as you know I have been on the fight of my life, but it has not affected the world only my world. People carry on as if there is no problem what so ever, like there has never been an issue. People greet me and are not concerned with what the past has been for us. Just now, just today matters. Tomorrow is of no concern what so ever, because my fights were not theirs. Everyone has their own lives to live, which has its own challenges, our surrounding may challenge us. Our surroundings may even push us to the limits.

  
I do my best to be the best I can be every day, let’s take today Sunday 5.30am, yesterday 5.30am and the day before at 5.30am. The man on the yellow digger does not know how he is affecting my life by waking me up every morning. That the pneumatic chisel wakes me up and challenges my happiness. That I need my rest and its vital for my recovery from the 5 year fight. He has no clue what he is doing to me, no clue that I am woken up by this horrible sound. He has his own life to live and his own life to be happy in. Maybe he starts work so early so he can finish and care for his family. Maybe it’s just to hot to work in a digger later on which I totally get, and understand. How does this change my day? Well it doesn’t, what changes my day is my attitude to it.

  
So how will I combat this disappointment, well at least until we are moved. I will and am playing up beat music to keep my heart happy, I will smile at all the staff. I will bid everyone good day, I will treat my heart well. I will not get to unhappy and trust whilst I have spoken to all the people I can to change our situation I can do nothing about the situation. Only others can change it for us, so for that I am happy that people are helping us to change this for us. 

  
For me it’s about accepting what I cannot change, doing my best to change what’s in my control, then giving my best to those around me. Which I will continue to do… I hope you are having a happy day, and choosing to make your day as good as possible with out other people’s decisions affecting it. 

  
Have a great week. 
Mark
http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.

It’s not possible, is it?

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ABVD, beam, Bonecancer.transplant, change, chemotherapy, health, Ice, myloma, positive, remission

The world of illness is so depressing, no one seems to have any get up and go. Why would you, why would that even be a thought whilst suffering. Well I want to tell you how I kept my get up and go whilst being chronically ill with cancer. I had a family that was supportive, I had and still have good friends. People seem to think that’s all you need to get through. Along with a positive attitude I guess your part way there to having all the tools to carry on.

  
I would argue that you need a good imagination to, to be able to take yourself to places that are impossible to visit in your condition. When you shut your eyes, the eyes can be persuaded that your room is not what you can see. That there could be an amazing sunset before you, or your sat on a beach drinking mohitos in the sun. Hearing laughter from families having fun in the sea.  Life can be so different to what our eyes actually see. A whole new world is open to us with the use of our minds. 

  
I used to take myself back to a holiday we had in Morocco. 7 miles of golden beaches private for us to walk on. The roaring African sea never slumbered, it was always there in the back ground. Laughter would be carried on the wind as I stood in the sea being bombarded by wave after wave. That’s what I saw when I closed my eyes. I could turn around and see my wife reading her kindle on her hammock. That’s what I saw with my eyes closed. They were moments of pleasure in the world of hell I was in, in any situation no matter how bleak we can always remember and always take ourselves back to a better time in our lives.

  
I don’t know what’s on this path ahead but what I do know is that we will make more memories, and hope that we don’t have to use this method any time soon. In a short time I will be off to make more memories by the sea. I love memories, I love making them, love hearing about them. I love telling them to. 

It’s always possible to bring back or make a memory.

Have a great day

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience) 

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 

Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own.

Copyright © 2015

Making things happen.

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ABVD, beam, Bloodcancer, bone, Bonecancer.transplant, cancer, change, chemo, chemotherapy, haematology, health, hematolohy, Hodgkins, hogkins!Lymphoma, Ice, live, myloma, PET CT scanner, positive, remission, results, scan, survive

Morning, some films are a complete and utter inspiration. We as humans can get inspiration from anywhere if we choose to look for it. Me and Andie watched one of my favourite films today. “The worlds fastest Indian” a film I love to watch. It’s one of those against the odds movies. A movie that makes you want the outcome to be a positive one. The man called Bert, played by Anthony Hopkins, sees the man embark on a seemingly ridiculous journey. He has built a bike that was supposed to do 54mph when first made, and hopes to achieve 200mph on it. The trouble is that there is 8000 miles between him and the place on earth he would try to make this record happen. 

  
The man was completely and utterly determined to make it happen, against all the odds and suffering many setbacks he day after day pursued his passion, believing that he would achieve his goal. Many people tried to stop him, discourage him. Make him feel inadequate. But nothing had an effect, he pressed on regardless. This true storey is an inspiration to many, giving me anyway a reason to fight. It encouraged me when I was down and out to carry on. It encouraged me to not quit, to peruse a cancer free life.

  
The movie can be related to any persons quest to triumph in adversity, anyone can achieve what they set out to do if the do not quit. If they stand when it seems impossible to stand, to fight when there seems to be no strength left within you. It’s a tale of courage, of human achievement. You don’t have to be interested in a piece of machinery to get something out of it. All you have to do is be willing to say the words “I WILL” what ever effort you make, whatever the outcome. It’s amazing what can be achieved by saying I WILL.  WE ARE MASTERS OF OUR OWN DESTINY. 

  
Listen to this track today and believe that “you can” believe it and reach for the sky and make it happen. Put a step forwards and pursue what ever your dream is. Don’t let anyone hold you back, just keep moving forwards no matter what. Finding solutions along the way. When your tired rest, when your hungry eat. But never give up! Ever!

  
I hope you have a good week.

Mark

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.

How remission accomplished feels pt 2

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ABVD, beam, Bloodcancer, bone, Bonecancer.transplant, cancer, change, chemotherapy, haematology, health, hematolohy, Hodgkins, hogkins!Lymphoma, Ice, myloma, PET CT scanner, positive, remission, results, scan, survive

Morning all, hope you are well. Time for part to to more about Mark than from Mark. The last paragraph from yesterday.

When the trudge was halted by a small shed 15 ft x 12ft a place I was to have a transplant. On looking inside the small shed we saw many jagged rocks, there was nowhere comfortable to sit, there were no comfy seats, no positive words on the walls. As we looked closer though there were allot of people looking through the window. More people than I could count, we were amazed at who was there looking through. They held up signs one said ” in order to see a rainbow, you need to see a little rain” there was no way out of this shed. It was a one way ticket until further notice. A period again of unknown which required faith, love and encouragement. .

  
There was a box in their given to me by my sister that had a fun book in it to help us laugh in the shed. A lady in a nurse outfit held out her hand, her name was The same as my wife’s. As soon as I held her hand I felt out of control, I sobbed as I was faced with another choice. To take the 1 way ticket till further notice, or take the zip line back to the road that lead to black hole. Although it was a choice, there was only ever 1 way that I was going to go. I would go towards the shed door, to be locked in for a period of time. It was a time that I would need cancer stories more than I ever thought I would. 

  
I was asked if I wanted to know what was ahead, I declined although I did look around seeing things like, 144 hrs of chemo. Hickman line to be fitted, holes in the floor. Nothing about this place looked familiar or nice. There was no beer, no pumba doing the hoola. It was a barren place, a frightening place. A place of acute pain and lifelessness. Even so I could only see supporting people spurring me on, people that said we love you and want you in our lives for a long time. 

Sometimes a road that’s mapped out for us is not what we would hope, or choose for the people we love. But then you don’t gain anything without training. There was no escape on entry, there was a door which I was allowed to open, but it was preferred for it to remain shut. I was to find ways to exercise, walking with a stick and a drip stand was not easy. But I did it every day, I showered every morning, ate normal food despite the pain from the ulcers. Even having 2 meals to maintain muscle mass. The doctors said I would loose muscle, I was determined not to. I did press ups every day, even attached to the drip.

  
The drive home from that room seems along time ago now, and the words you are in remission I hear in my head 60 times an hour. It’s like non of the road, cliff and shed were real. Like they were not as hard as what they really were. That’s what your brain does, it helps you forget the bad stuff, and remember the good stuff. Many times in my room I had to ring the number to God.  Jer 33vs3 

  
Now we have a new perspective, a road where flowers grow, streams flow and animals are full and happy. A place where it feels safe, where there is not much fear. A place where winners reside, strong people live. The road is called “we missed you road” a place where people want to hug you, show love and people smile at you with no agenda. A place where a new stream flows from its source. We don’t know where the stream will take us. All we know is that we have each other, and our aim is to hold out our hands to as many people that we see that need us.

  
You want to scream from the roof tops that you are in remission. You want the world to know how good it feels. But although all this is true you are left with a very real and fervent respect for cancer, eating more fruit and trying to give yourself  the best chance at life possible. I thank God and all those that have supported me for my life, and the new journey that we have before us. CANCER FREE!!!!!
Have a great day

Mark

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.

You only live twice

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ABVD, beam, Bloodcancer, bone, Bonecancer.transplant, cancer, change, chemotherapy, daveruttan, haematology, health, hematolohy, Hodgkins, hogkins!Lymphoma, Ice, jackie, Laura, myloma, PET CT scanner, positive, remission, results, scan, survive

Morning, it’s amazing this journey we all call life. We live yet we are such fragile beings, I feel privalaged. Not to have beaten cancer but that I have a life, but this is no ordinary life that I live. 4 years ago I fought the fight of my life. I fought like hell to beat cancer and got into remission, then starting to live my life. It was a strange feeling being told I was in remission. I can’t exsplain it but I never felt that it had left my body, my hair never fell out during chemo. Although it was tough and a hard thing to achieve, and I could not contradict what the scan showed, also what the doctors were saying. I had won, I had fought hard and won. 

  

 It’s great though, not because I won, but the people I am coming into contact with. People that can relate to my journey even sharing journeys they have had. Such is the inspiration for this Blog, a person that stumbled across my blog rang true. I then learn the storey about Dave Ruttan, Laura’s brother in law. This is about his story along with mine in one place.

Dave had colon cancer, he was married to Jackie Ruttan. This is what Laura has to say about Dave and Jackie.

My brother in law was named Dave. He was a bearded, chubby biker who drove a gigantic bright orange Harley Davidson. He was big and strong, fearless and wonderful. The day Dave passed, I was home alone, it was around 10:30 at night and I was on the phone with a friend. My friend started freaking out and said “I have to go, I have to go” and hung up on me. A second later my sister called to tell me Dave had passed away. Immediately after I hung up from her, my friend called back apologizing but there was a huge crash in his backyard. This is a man that I will never forget, and should never be forgotten.

This is what Laura wrote for their wedding day.

Dave, I used to think that you were the luckiest man in the world to have found my sister. She’s warm and strong and true. But in all honesty, Dave, my sister is luckier to have found you. Thank you Dave. Thank you for reminding my sister about love. Thank you for reminding me. Thank you for reminding any and everyone who meets you, because anyone who didn’t believe in love, changed when they saw your two faces.

  Left – right Laura, Dave, and Jackie
May your time together be filled with the love that I didn’t believe existed until Jackie met Dave. 

Laura did not make the wedding. Due to ill health. But Dave is like my brother he also got into remission. He is an example to all cancer fighters. Although Dave had Colon cancer, he beat it wearing a colostomy bag because of it. I imagine he lived life to the full after winning his battle. Although I don’t know Dave I know how hard he had to fight just to get to hear those words.

  
Dave was married to Jackie for 9 days before he passed away, the cancer came back and he was to weak to fight it anymore. But he lived a full life for 20 years, isn’t it nice to hear that during those 20 years he was to find what love was, what it felt like to know the security of a loving genuine hand. Life is so unpredictable, and it does not matter how big you are, strong you are. Cancer takes whoever it likes, but I tip my hat to a man that fought and won so he could live twice.

  
For me I have fought and won twice now, I have fought that my friends and family can have more time with me. That I may have a life to encourage others with, to help other people see a new way of thinking. Maybe give them (you) the strength you need to fight. You can’t make a dream come true if you don’t have a dream I say. So love your life, live for today. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone.

  
 I have a chance to live for a third time having lived twice. At 46 I have the chance to do what some like Dave didn’t get. Cancer is a mean desease, but we stand and I for 1 want to wish Jackie well as she prepares to marry again. I am sure his storey will be read by more people now, and guess what YOU can help more people be affected by his life. Let’s make today a day we share Daves Story. RIP Dave Ruttan….

Live because you can, do what you dream of because you can. You CAN remember that.

Have a great day

Mark 

Special thanks to Jackie Ruttan, and Laura McGowan.

https://skinnyandsingle.wordpress.com/2014/07/21/my-amazing-sister/
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Bucket list.

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ABVD, beam, Bloodcancer, bone, Bonecancer, bucket list, cancer, change, chemotherapy, haematology, health, hematolohy, Hodgkins, hogkins!Lymphoma, Ice, live, myloma, PET CT scanner, positive, remission, remmission, results, scan, survive, transplant

Morning, how are you today? Well have you done one, I know it’s something I have to do. I have been a little  apprehensive about doing one. Mainly because when I was in the scouts at St Andrews church Blackburn. There were many times we would go and be given a pen and paper to write down the things we would like to do. The trouble with that was that, we only ever wrote a list, we never actually did the things that were on the list. Obviously if you had asked me to write a list in January this year. There would only have been 1 entry. I think you can guess what that entry would be.

  
The point is though that the only person standing in the way of your happiness, your dream, your ambition is YOU. We can spend our time blaming situations, other people. The things people say that make you feel so negative, the things people do that are not the standard that we want to attain to. Those things are choices that others have made. Why should your life be dictated by another’s Wants and dislikes, how is that right that our list contains bullet points that mean you want to change another person.

  
Life is about accepting people for who they are, and walking away from negativity. Not allowing negativity to take hold of you. Saying yes, taking control of your own Destiny not allowing it to be redirected by another’s opinion. Believe in yourself, and keep close those people that have a positive influence on your life. The people that truly love you will walk with you, no matter what!

  
Me and Andie feel a bit lost at the moment as our focus has to change, our goals have shifted and to be quite honest I don’t know what the new ones will be. What I do know is that it will involve encouraging others, that maybe involved with cancer.  The last months and years have changed us, the big house in the country is no longer on the list. Health is the new house in the country. Smiling, laughing, friends, love, passion, family, and compassion.

Some might say that cancer has taken our dream, I say our dream has changed because of cancer. These are the things that are on my list now, not a parachute jump or a ride on a Segway.  Morning is where it’s at for me right now, just waking up will do me quite nicely thank you. Whilst awake I aim to encourage people with my blogs, and giving myself the best chance at being cancer free, that’s where it’s at for me right now. I am sure while me and Andie have our holiday which is soon we will add some things to that list. But there is one thing that we WILL do on holiday, we both have wanted to do all our lives. It’s more of an ambition though. I will post when that day arrives.

  
It’s with anticipation we think about the future, clouded by the possibility of a return of the dreaded, that just involves cation, I try not to think about that though and try to concentrate on enjoying each day, that we have been given together. I hope you do to. As we start to live again as apposed to having cancer to beat. I hope you are with us on our new journey to.

  
Have a great bank holiday Monday.

Mark

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.

DO NOT READ.

Tags

ABVD, beam, Bloodcancer, bone, Bonecancer.transplant, cancer, change, chemotherapy, haematology, health, hematolohy, Hodgkins, hogkins!Lymphoma, Ice, myloma, PET CT scanner, positive, remission, results, scan, survive

Hi, how are you doing today? I want to talk to you about negatives today, what people say that discourages you. I also want to give you a thought about why that is, remember all I say are my opinions based on my experience.
  

  
You see that’s what a negative comment is, an opinion. The only reason we MAY think a comment negative is because it’s what we don’t want to hear? Is that the truth? Negative to me is when a person says can’t to me or words like never, or no. Having said that I accept the word no in this sentence. “You have no cancer” now that’s a negative I dearly want to hear.
  

  
What did you think when you saw the title of this blog? I bet you opened it anyway because I would. Why can’t we breed a people that say yes like the TSB. A people that say CAN not can’t DO instead of don’t. Well it boils down to what we are taught. Can I put it like this, The Lord’s Prayer. Is there a negative use of a word in the Lord’s Prayer? (Lead us NOT into temptation) I deem to be positive how about you? It’s a prayer we are taught to repeat every day as Christians. 
  

  
 In our house we use words like can, will, and am. We are determined to be positively positive. We do our best daily to encourage people around us, to offer solutions as opposed to finding a problem with every solution. Isn’t that easy to find a reason not to as opposed a reason to do. The real successful people on this planet like Richard Branson have nick names like “the yes man” words like wish are replaced with will. You see you choose with every decision to do or not to do. I chose to have chemo to save my life, so I could live more years. The hard way, it’s not easy to say yes all the time, in fact we say yes we take on more and seemingly make life harder. Do we not give pleasure to someone else by saying yes though. Is not someone’s life made better does it have to be ours? People love honesty, but people also like consideration to. 
  

   
 Remember a blog I wrote a while ago that talks about we are what we say we are. We have the power to bring up positive children to become a positive nation. But also grounded , informed, intelligent People. I tell you what I wish I had “Siri” or “Google” when I was growing up. We had scientific calculators that had more symbols on it than the Highway Code. A Rubix cube, and a 14″b/w tele, without a remote control. A video player had a wire leading to the control on the really good ones. The only way a boy found out about the female form, was in Kay’s catalogue, but wondered why a girl shirt was so small. At school you were most excited when there was a TV on a stand in the room. 

  
How different the world is today, I mean it really is. I pads will be laughed at in 30 years. What will the world look like then? Well I can’t tell you that, but what I can tell you is. Tomorrow never comes, so love with your whole heart today, give with out regret and most of all. Listen to those that are in your life. Oh and if you had to google video, it’s the old you tube.

  
  

Have a great day
Mark

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.

A special blog.

Tags

Bloodcancer, change, chemotherapy, haematology, health, hematolohy, Hodgkins, hogkins!Lymphoma, myloma, positive, remission

Whilst sat on my bed in royal Preston hospital waiting for my PET CT scan. My mind is imagining all of the different people that have sat where I am right now. I wonder how many people have had the good news that I hope to get, it’s so over whelming so much so it has upset me. Probably not in the way you think I may be upset. I am thinking of all the people who’s lives have been preserved because of the scanner I am going to go in. Where did they work, what did they do, where do they live. 
  
We are privileged here in Preston to have 1 of the 2 64 bit scanners that the UK has. We have so much to be thankful for, so many blessings that we have that we did not know we had. The families of the people that have been in here, what do they do. How did they get on. I am so grateful to still have my life, so thankful to have such a beautiful wife and family. Your life is precious isn’t it, don’t waste what you have thinking negatively. It never has a positive outcome. I would love to create this picture with my family….

  

I could be sat here thinking why do I have to do this, life’s unfair, but I believe in PMA a positive mental attitude. You can’t ever get depressed with a PMA, because it’s a way of life not a feeling. It’s something we choose. All the gifts God has given us are free, amazing that isn’t it. The birds, the trees, mountains, everything we see around us, I for one am so grateful for. 

  
There are some amazing people in this world, I hope you are one of them. People who really care, people that show compassion and concern. People like that are hard to find, that’s because it’s easier to do nothing. It’s easier to just walk on by, we make those choices everyday to do or not to do. It’s up to us, no one will make you it’s your choice to give or take. I personally find it far more rewarding to give and not take. It’s our choice what we do with our life. 

  
I have been my own worst enemy in the past, but now I want to befriend the guy in the mirror. I actually think he’s alright you know. Well it’s nearly time now, I have had my lorazepam now it’s just a case of getting it done. It will all be over in an hour. Have a great Tuesday.
Mark

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.

Scan day today.

Tags

ABVD, beam, Bloodcancer, bone, change, chemotherapy, haematology, health, hematolohy, Hodgkins, hogkins!Lymphoma, Ice, myloma, positive, remission, survive, transplant

The day we have been working towards is here, this day will collate the imformation that they need to find out if all the chemo I have had,  has worked and kicked this little spineless life changing thing, that’s been named cancer. No doubt it has turned our worlds upside down, not just mine. All of my family have been affected, and my closest friends. So many others around the globe have been included in this marathon on Cancer stories ( support group ) people have been amazing. True friendships have been made stronger because of cancer. People have met each other because of it. No doubt people have even had relationships restored because of cancer.

  
So you see, cancer may be trying to take away but I believe any situation can be made positive. It’s just how we deal with it in our own minds. Along this journey we have made many friends, we have relationships that we know will stand the test of time because of thier efforts. Sadly we have realised that some people just don’t care. Full stop. Why is that? Maybe you have an answer but I don’t know why some people distance themselves. People locally have just been awesome, weeding the garden, cutting grass, and Karl Boardman has shown an amazing arm of strength for me. Even building a man shed next to my stream. My dad has sent me a text every day, showing how mum and dad are supporting us.

  
Cancer has been a real eye opener as to who is who. No doubt all of you reading have your own stories to tell, I would live to hear how others have been with you. I must have faith today as I go in that machine, and believe that I am healed, that I will never have to have chemo again. I want to rejoice with my whole family, so you see the importance of today. It could put the whole fight into perspective giving me longevity and a life that I would never have had without the help of all the health professionals to.

  
So here we go 12.45 appointment injection at 1pm then in the scanner at 2pm leaving the hospital around 2.45pm glowing like the boy on the ready brek advert in the 70’s

Thank you if you have been in this fight with us. Really thank you, your all important to us.

Mark 

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.