The best you, there is.

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Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own.

Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Carling cup final, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Super Bowl 50, Uncategorized, Winner

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Happiness is for everyone else, not us.

29 Thursday Sep 2016

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

cancer, chemotheropy, dream, dreams, faith, hope, love, miriacle

Happiness is for everyone else. Not us.
That’s how I was made to feel on hearing the words. It’s true I could had a family young. My choice was to live a life a life that I enjoyed on many occasions of course that life was never completely perfect not until we met each other. We were just pawns living this thing called life. Sure I knew I was blessed with knowing God and all the joy that brings with it. But there is something about having the opportunity of having children. Our own to love and cherish. A chance to bring a child into this world with non of the money worries. In a fairly comfortable way.

We are fortunate in a way that I have stored some swimmers that could potentially give us that opportunity through IVF (Test tube fertilisation) but I don’t know how I feel about that. But it’s our chance to have a miracle. So who knows maybe that’s where our miracle will happen, I don’t know but it’s a bit like the biscuit tin as a child. It’s something I hope for more than ever now.
My friend said this to me this morning
“Take time to relax and come to terms with it, having kids is not everything. You have each other, and some people go through their whole life never experiencing that kind of love, treasure what you have.”
So that’s gonna now be my focus been as no other advice I have to go on, I guess it’s the best advice. You do feel less of a man that’s for sure like your whole meaning of what we are put on this earth to do has been stripped from us because I beat cancer. Well I suppose there has to be a consequence to any action you take in life. It’s just the only option I had was to have chemo to steal a few more years. I am mad to not want to leave a legacy behind. That maybe I live on through my son or daughter.
I guess this is just another part of cancer, you create your home, make it a home and then hope for the pitter patter of feet in the surroundings you have created. Imagine a Christmas morning with our dog faith, Jenson our cat, Mark Andie and our new miracle with us, crackling of the wood on the fire. The warmth not only from the fire but from our hearts as we experience the journey that is family.

Right now I feel robbed again, but in usual Fonz style, I am gonna believe for the miracle that the little girl got in the film miriacl on 34th Street. If you have not watched the film them please watch it, so you to can realise what our miracle would be.
It’s not the fault of the nurse that gave me the news that my sample had no sperm in it at all. It’s cancers fault of that there is no debate. Cancer has taken this from me and made me infertile. Some may find it funny, but I assure you who read this there is nothing funny about cancer and it’s effects. I will as Johnny says treasure what we do have and move on from this. They did tell me it would be so, otherwise why would they have asked me to store some swimmers. Life that’s what I am gonna focus on, and the brilliance of another day, yes I am sad, yes I am even shedding a tear as I write this blog.
But I must enjoy what we do have not want what we don’t have, I must have faith that Gods Will Will be done.

Here’s hoping for our miracle on our street.
Have a great day.
Fonz

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A Fallen Tree.

19 Monday Sep 2016

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

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athiest, belief, cancer, chemotheropy, faith, health, hope, operation, pain, paralypian, surgery

In life we have many things to deal with, many we don’t know what they entail, or what the outcome will be. My day has been consumed today, consumed with hurt for another an a family. Consumed with what has been, what will be and what could be. 2 of my cancer friends face surgery this week, and I have prayed virtually all day for them and their families. So I want to try to encourage anyone facing journeys like theirs in the future. I may need you to think about pressing the share button on this one.

I will attempt to tell my story today through pictures.

The two pictures above signify what is ahead. That we can see what is there, yet it’s still uncertain, no one knows who or what’s behind any of those trees. Yet you and I would walk there if we could, we would believe by faith that we would be ok when you hot to the end of the path, turning the corner and believing you will be ok when you get to the next corner as well. If your an atheist, or a believer. You have to have faith, it’s impossible to walk without faith. You have faith in a chair when you sit on it. Belief your legs will hold you when you walk. We all have faith everyday without even thinking about it. It’s only when something happens to us do we start to appreciate what life truly is. As I watched my dog “Faith” enjoying her walk I asked God to show me something, to show me possibly something that would help me write this blog. This is what he showed me.

A fallen tree.

When I talk to God, the voice I hear with in me that some people call conscience. I began to understand that the fallen tree still had life, although it had hit the ground it still had life. It had taken one hell of a fall, some of its branches were broken and was quite obviously different to when it had been stood upright, yet it was still alive. It got me thinking that even a tree with no soul could adopt a new way of living. Just like us who have had a life changing experience.

I began taking pictures of my surroundings, the sign

All those paths were ahead of me yet I would only choose one. There was the tunnel, that could not be seen through from some angles.

Yet wether I could see through it or not, did not change what was or was not in that tunnel. The tunnel was always going to be the same if I could see through it or not. I have had to learn to stop punishing myself for the life I have lived, rather to change the life I will live. Whist cancer has struck me down like the tree, I still live a life. I can still breath like the tree can. The life that I have fought for was always going to be this bad, the pain I feel was always going to be this way. Only to get to enjoy what I have now I had to put faith in what was in front of me, the surgeons, the nurses, the chemo, the treatments, the phycological effects cancer has had on my life were all going to be there.

The bridges I had to cross to keep my life many have walked, many have also believed the walk was worth it. I guess for me it’s better to have faith in what is than fear of the unknown. We can’t change what was, we can’t change the path required to get there, but we can change how we see our life. Change how we see the fallen tree, maybe some will just see a tree that’s fallen over. I see a tree with a new way of living. What ever your way of living is, isn’t wrong. What is wrong though is not making the best of what you have. Seeing the bad as opposed to success. You have an opertunity of how to use your path that you choose, you will always have to walk the path you choose. Will always meet the people that you should meet. The thing that makes you special is what you choose to do. How you use the experiences you have.

What Faith chose she loved, even though her dad was actually quite embarrassed as she (again) jumped in right under the “no dogs swimming” sign. If you have an oppertunity to continue with life I rather hope you choose to do what’s required. Today my friend Pam ( who I dedicate this post to ) had to walk a very tough path. But she did, she has walked onto the bridge and walked forwards. Of course a new life will be hers, but I tip my hat to you Pam as do we all.

If you have never suffered, make sure you do all life has to offer you. Sing even if people can hear, dance if people can see. You have a life and however your living that life is a blessing to you, make your life a blessing to others. I dare you

Fonz

Ps someone put this sign up to. It rather made me laugh.

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My account.

11 Monday Jul 2016

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Super Bowl 50, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 24 Comments

Tags

belief, cancer, chemotheropy, children, faith, fertility, hope, love, stories, together

Well I guess some people would frown at me for this post, well it’s still going up. Your reading it. It was 5 years ago when I was told that I needed chemo to survive. But to do that I may become infertile and may need to make a deposit at the women’s hospital in Liverpool. I had no idea what this was to entail, I had all sorts of thoughts what happens at the women’s hospital. Do they milk men like they milk Bulls and pigs. Was there a lady with a plastic glove that helps you, I know your laughing right. But have you got a sperm account, if not I guess you don’t know what’s involved either.

I decided I needed to go in my manly car, you know turn up with my Tom Cuise Aviator glasses on in my loud rather distinctive TVR. I had images of me arriving an strutting into the hospital full of energy and of course other stuff. Except the pictures that we have in our minds don’t quite work out like that do they. I mean I was going in a TVR which are unreliable to say the least. How did I expect to arrive all immaculate, well groomed and smooth. When I was going in a car that involved doing something to it on every trip. This trip was the same as the rest. It stopped running half way there and had to lie in the ground and hit the fuel pump with something hard. I ended up with oil on my face and smudged oil on my hands, and looked nothing like the fluffy Tom Cuise look I had in my mind on arrival.

When I arrived I was given a few consent forms to sign, one said. IF YOU DIE, YOU CONSENT TO …….. USING YOUR SPERM TO CONCIEVE. Oh, no one said it would be this way, that I would realise I had cancer like this. In fact non of the day had gone to plan so far, what ever that plan was. Anyway, apparently this invincible guy was about to become infertile and will not be able to have children. 10 years they would keep my boys for. But how would it happen, another guy sat near me also not aware of the given procedures.

After ( some time ) a lady said you can go into room 1 now. She came I mean went in there with me, this was the scene. The room had a dentist chair in it with a large roll of blue paper at the top of the head rest. The nurse pulled some of the paper over the dentist chair then switched on a large TV and told me there were a verity of channels to watch. I was told that I could make my deposit in the plastic container and then place into the wooden lift and press the buzzer and it would be frozen in nitrogen for 10 years. ” what channels I thought ” I remember my mum telling me not to look at dirty pictures growing up, so the underwear section of Kay’s catalougue was all I had to go on back then. I had learnt a little more since then, I was after all, married. But switching on a TV and erm well you know. In a hospital???! What? It just felt so so wrong, I told myself this was for my wife and maybe for my future son or daughter. I had not been blessed with children, but I was well aware of how they were made. Well we all know what happened there in that dentist chair, and the channel I watched will have to remain with me. I made my deposit pressed the buzzer, and up it went to were ever it gets stored. But that was not the embarrassing part. That was opening the door and looking to my right to see about 6 nurses, looking at my belt area. Oh boy, I don’t think I ever knew embarrament before then.

Six ladies all looking at me at the same time, why did they do that.. Well I know why, but even so. I said my good byes and went home. The second time I did that I asked my wife never to ask me to go again. She had 2 deposits and I hoped if she needed them because chemo did not work then she would enjoy bringing our child up. I prayed that I would make it though,.

So here we are , I don’t know if we will need to withdraw anything from my account as we try for a baby, that we hope for our little miracle because they did say that chemo may damage my swimmers. But what ever the outcome, we shall not be upset, and feel truly blessed if one day I hold my own son or daughter. So please pray that we have our miracle, that we don’t have to make a withdrawal. I hope you giggled in this post, it was created to lighten your day, but also to educate you that there is no lady to help you with gloves on, it’s all your own work.

Have a great day

Fonz

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My friend Dave.

07 Thursday Jul 2016

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 20 Comments

Tags

Cancer stories, chemotheropy, hope, liver, love, marriage, miriacle

It was nearly a year ago now when I was contacted by Daves wife, at the end of her rope as her husband was suffering on his journey with Cancer. He was not eating, just sleeping and seemingly given up. We had quite a long chat and I told her as it was, to be firm but kind with Dave. It was fairly soon after that Dave began to improve, he began talking to me through Facebook. We laughed and shared moments together that were actually quite private. Another friend of mine organised a meal for some of the people in Cancer stories to meet up, it was fantastic. Dave was the first person I saw, we hugged each other and that was the start of our friendship. A friendship where we both knew what it was like to suffer, we both knew also what it was like to be loved completely like another. I remember being at their home and while we were alone, Dave spoke so fondly of his wife, how much he lived her and how good she was to him. That she had given him hope and felt that he was stronger with his wife.

It touched me how he felt, His wife Anne told me how they met and how they fell in love. I felt so privalaged to even know these people, I was even given a chocolate eclair which was wonderful. That’s not why I liked them though, they were both so considerate towards me and always asked after my wife. I think it was 3 times we all met for a meal, and even though Dave was having chemo he still came, trusting that everybody at the meal was free from illness. He even pretended on one occasion that he was not coming and made my eyes leak when he walked through the door with a beaming smile on his face. Dave read about my fight in the Lancashire Evening Post, thats how he learned about our support group on Cancer stories.

As the weeks went by he became an integral part of Cancer stories. He encouraged people fighting, loved those that were hurting and was conciderate to those that were suffering. Me included. Dave had Liver cancer and whilst I will give out his surname in this blog, I can tell you Dave had the operations required. So that they as a couple might have more time together moving forwards. They have enjoyed days out after his operations, procedures and of course the dreaded chemo. Dave even finished his chemo and was over the moon and life was seemingly awesome, getting stronger eating more and visibly healthier. Smiling from ear to ear when ever we met.

They came to see us as a couple 3 times I believe and I really enjoyed their company. It was always a pleasure to spend time with them. They were fairly newly married and bounced around like teenagers in love, it’s amazing to see two people enjoying each other like them. I was just so pleased that they had found each other.

It was barley 2 weeks ago when Dave took a turn for the worse and the cancer began to grow again, he was brave about it and always sent me up beat messages. There is no one on this planet to be more conciderate, more sensitive, and tender as my friend Dave. Anne came to see me last week, Thursday. We had a coffee together and we shared a hug, and she picked up a card one of our cancer stories had sent to her. Anne stayed by Daves side as a pillar of strength though all he had to go through. Yesterday wendsday 6th July 2016 my dear friend lost his fight and breathed his last breath. Yesterday was a hard day for so many as everyone had to come to terms with the fact that he had passed away. My thoughts love and best wishes are with his family Anne’s family and his friends.

Dave was very keen on Golf, he was a Christian, a father, a husband, and a dear friend to many. I personally will miss Dave greatly, but I also have joy in my heart that he was able to have a life that gave so much love to so many. You were and are loved Greatly Dave. Now you are in no pain with the Angels in Heaven, I really enjoyed knowing you and being a part of life and thank you for being a great friend to me. We may not have known each other long but you touched my heart.

My love and prayers go out to all who Dave loved and all who loved Dave.

R.I.P. My dear friend

Fonz

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What you choose makes a differance.

30 Thursday Jun 2016

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 12 Comments

Tags

airport, business, cancer, chemotheropy, everybody, gift, happiness, hope, love, men, morories, turkey, women

It’s so very important to set achievable goals when you face cancer. When your facing chemo or a terminal cancer it’s important to have short term goals that are obtainable. I mean some goals I had were getting to the next second. Smiling because even though I have illness it’s up to me to make some sunshine.

It’s down to us to make something good when facing something bad. To look for something positive in life even though we think there is nothing to be positive around us. On thing I used to have as a target and still do, is to remember something that made me smile, a time we enjoyed together. I remember how many times I watched our wedding DVD, the happy day that we shared together, the love we shared with our friends.

Don’t get me wrong some days I would just cry, I would not be able to help crying, I just did. I cryed and cryed and cryed some days. I learnt that days like that were good as my brain was being washed with all the toxins chemo had left me with. I learnt that even those days were good days. Why because I was able to have a better few minutes afterwards. Cancer taught me that life can be taken from us as we know it in an instant. One moment we are doing what we love then the next moment so it seems, a doctor says those dreadful words. “You have cancer” then the old normal has been left behind.

Only right then can we understand what the importance of laughter friendship and love is. How important it is to recall all the good we had in our lives and how important it is to make happy moments in our lives today. Because as you and I both know, there is no tomorrow. There is only today for us to make a differance, but we also are able to recall the good times we had before cancer came and it’s for sure been a vital part of my life with cancer. There is always something we can do, don’t give up, remember the beauty you have had and have in your life. Me personally I believe in Jesus, I believe in the power of God also. I also believe that we are given strength by his people. That it’s up to us to see the good in someone, and also do good for someone. What ever you may believe in the spiritual world, that’s your choice. But does it matter what another believes. Should we not love our fellow man anyway, find something positive and do anyway.

Don’t get me wrong there is evil in this world that we will never understand, but the only way to make this world a better place is to do something yourself. Choose to do something, remember something good. Give something good to someone, even if that which you give is a memory, or a reminder of a memory. There is always a way to bring sunshine to someone’s life.
I hope you choose to.
Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
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Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories.
Copyright © 2016

How I gave up smoking.

17 Friday Jun 2016

Tags

belief, chemotheropy, family, hope, joe, killing, love, mcmillan, nicotine, strength, winning.

I don’t know about the rest of the world, but for me when I got hodgkins Lymphoma. I was told that there was no evidence to people getting my cancer through life style. Ie drinking or smoking, or eating. So for me I was not being told to give up cigerettes and it’s not going to give me a better chance of not getting it again by not smoking. So I didn’t, I smoked throughout my whole cancer exsperience. Even when I was in treatment I still smoked at home. .

Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

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Accept who you are not what you were.

14 Tuesday Jun 2016

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belief, chemotheropy, depression, google, hate, hope, love, mistake, prison, yourself, youtube

U can be who you want to be, that’s what I tell my wife. Some words I may have said before but I know that what I write now will help someone today or sometime in the future. I have not been here for a while, I apologise. I have been helping my good friend to errect my conservatory. I have spoken before in my last post about impossible, that the only part of impossible that stops it big possible is the I’m in the word. Is not the only person that matters holding your past against you. Is, erm you? Is it not you that’s giving you a hard time maybe feeling guilty for your past, something you did or did not do? One thing I do know is that what someone else’s opinion is is both nothing to do with you, and nothing to do with them. Let go what someone else thinks about you, what you are is in your hands and your past does NOT define your future.

Your future starts in the next hour, the next afternoon. But always today, your future does not start tomorrow. You are the one that chooses who you are. You also chose what you were, but that’s not a part of your future , only if you want it to be. Your past is in your hands, it’s up to you yo hold on to it or let it go. It’s up to you to let your past mood you and benifit your future. No one is to blame for your future, only you. Don’t start yo tell me yes but such and such and this and that, you choose what happens next. You really do, don’t be a head hanger. Hold your head up high and keep moving forwards, keep believing in yourself and keep doing.

Believe me I could show you pictures of me that say I want to give up, I could tell you stories of how cancer has made me want to check out, how I have thought badly of myself because of who I was and what I did. Trouble with that is that people will believe what ever it is you believe of yourself and there are plenty of people willing to be negative about you out there so why actually be one yourself. Be good to you, say good things about you. Above all do good to others every day of your life, that’s really important. Use your life, don’t regret your life.

Fonz

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≈ 14 Comments

A death sentence.

08 Wednesday Jun 2016

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blog, books, c, cancer, chemotheropy, health, hope, Laughter, love, me, post, radiotheropy

Is that that what cancer is? A death sentence we didn’t choose? A journey we didn’t choose. A part of our life we never even thought would be part of our lives. Before you read this blog I want you to know, that people that face cancer in what ever form be it as a patient, partner, family, carer, or friend. I want you to know these people are amongst the most courageous in the world. All cancers are different and how ever we decide to deal with it rest assured the journey is one through Hell.

Today I found myself in the presence of someone amazing, someone who has fought the fight like I have and are. He is an inspiration and a seriously generous person with his time. Today I left hospital one year ago, the same hospital the man I speak of left 2 years ago after his bone marrow transplant. Yet we find ourselves together errecting a conservatory. Part of that day involved standing on a trellis on tip toes for a while with my arms in the air holding the cross beam in place. It was 10 mins before my next pain killers. What you don’t know is walking is tough, never mind standings or a period of time. The pain as I stood began yo surpass the pain that was normal and bearable, and I found myself feeling so very sore and horrific pain in my legs.

There I was with my friend who I knew was one of the few people on the earth that understood my pain, one of the few people that understood what I felt inside. Understood the actual pain I felt. Here tonight remembering what’s happened today and what we have achieved. I don’t feel sorry I cried, I feel amazed I have a brother who knows and understands what I face and what I have been through and what appreciation I have for life. Holding that bar up feeling the pain I felt made me cry, it made me feel useless whilst being useful. We did something today that was hard to do. Maybe some would see as impossible. For me and my friend we believe in the impossible made possible.

Sometimes the only thing standing in the way is ourselves, and maybe we just need to fight through the pain and get to the otherside. The side where there are people that have life because they fought, people that have overcome grief in loving the very people that do have life and are living today.

Maybe you feel today is impossible, well let me tell you that it’s amazing what you can achieve if you keep on keeping on. Did you know impossible means the opposite to what you think. See you are possible, it’s just the I’m in the way of possible isn’t it. Try and find something you enjoy in this life, it’s there if you look for it. I know one thing .

I have gained many friends through cancer. Keep on keeping on your one of lives courageous people and you CAN.

Fonz

≈ 15 Comments

Sunshine and Bees.

01 Wednesday Jun 2016

Tags

business, cancer, chemotheropy, desease, garage, hope, life, police, scanner, treatment

Do you ever just stop, look and listen to the natural world. Listen to the bees buzzing, watch the birds communicating as they sing their chorus. Appreciate the smell of the flowers in the garden, gaze in wonder at all that has been created. I often look out of our window at the birds feeding at the bird station. My wife always buys thes coconut shells filled with fat that the birds love. But then today I was wondering why I appreciated the small things so much, why I appreciated the smells and the world of nature. How I had become so grateful for my surroundings. Well I guess the answer to that is simple, and obvious.

I know what it’s like to be unable to smell the flowers, to watch the bees. I know what it’s like not to be able to here the birds. It was only 3 weeks where I experienced life unable to hear the birds the bees and the wind russling between the leaves. To be unable to smell the sweet fragrance of flowers in my garden. I was not even able to feel the sunshine on my face such was the reality of the small room I was cooped up in. But you know what, I am grateful I have had that experience in that room isolated from the world. With my I pad my wife (during the day) and the days on fan that kept me cool at night times. Because I can hear the birds today, I can smell the flowers today, I can hear the birds chatting in the morning.

Life is without doubt a precious gift, one that we never truly appreciate until we are not able to experience life with all of its senses. Is then life not a gift to you to me, to all the creatures that roam the earth. Are we not all fortunate and blessed that we have air to breath and eyes to see. I have found myself not being bothered about what is going on in someone else’s world, found myself becoming a curtious driver. I have found giving gives me a great deal of pleasure, where as before it was what I wanted that as most important.

Right now there is a valeter disrupting all this tranquility with his loud jet washer. But hey, it seems to make no differance to the birds. They still sing, they are still playing in the trees, and seem happy to be alive. The point is, the birds and the bees don’t care what we do, they just carry on enjoying what they can. Accepting the world they live in for what it is, take a moment to pause today and admire the world that’s all around us. Take a moment to appreciate what you do have rather than what you don’t have. After all, what we have today is a gift. A gift to be enjoyed appreciated and cherished. But will you? Do you? A year ago today I had no option but to continue life with out the enjoying senses that I have been given. One thing I did do though, because I was able to. That was to encourage my fellow man to keep on keeping on, what ever that path maybe. Blogging 365 times in as many days.

I hope you find time to enjoy what is all around you today, enjoy what you do have.

Fonz

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≈ 11 Comments

Honesty about beating Cancer. Twice.

26 Thursday May 2016

Tags

c, cancer, chemotheropy, eu, hope, love, politics, referendam, together, word

So here I am it’s 12pm I am still in bed, yup that’s right the pain is still with me and I am not able to walk today. If I was that man that was under the circumstances maybe I would feel sorry for myself and maybe even shed a tear, but that’s not me. I actually smile that I have pain, yea it’s true. The smile is because I can actually feel the pain, the pain makes me know I am alive. That although standing hurts, that I have beaten cancer. “Twice”. The pain reminds me every hour of the day how hard the fight was, it reminds me of many other things to. It reminds me of my family, my friendships, this blog and the support people have given me around the world. The pain makes me grateful to be alive, happy to have life in whatever fashion that is.

You see for me, life has never been a breeze. Everything I have ever done I have had to do the hard way. But I am sure that I speak for most people on the planet, life’s not easy is it? If it is easy for you then please tell me how you do that?

What I have realised personally at the age of 47, is that we all have similar battles in different guises. But I don’t think there are many people walking the earth that have an easy time. It’s just most don’t shout about it, or share how they are feeling.mmaybe telling those closest to them and that’s it. Well it was a little different for me as the first time I had it I was given a short time to live without treatment. But even then that was not enough to tell you about it. It was not until I had been around cancer for 3 years and got it again that I was compelled to start writing a blog. I wanted to share my journey when I realised I was going to have to have my transplant. All I knew is that I would win and wanted to share that journey with you.

Yesterday I went back through my blog and looked at some of what I have written over the past year. The posts I was reading began to touch me, it made me feel I was reading someone else’s journey not mine. I know this sounds strange but I started to like the person who had written them. Yea I started to like myself. It’s amazing how I have turned the pain around to me saying ” you have pain, because you have life” yes of course we are not super human and have to listen to our bodies. After all we get pain for a reason right. Mine is because chemo has damaged the ends of my nerves, but surely the pain free option would have not been the best for those around me that loved me. I have pain because I chose to fight and to beat cancer the way that I did. Yea there was a 1 in 4 chance I would not make it, the pain reminds me I made it everyday.

Pain is a reminder of how strong we are and were is it not?

Fonz

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≈ 21 Comments

I just want to thank you.

25 Wednesday May 2016

Tags

bank, cancer, cells, chemotheropy, holiday, hope, LEP, stem, stories, transplant

Oh yes for sure, I am fully aware that I am not perfect. That the man that is Fonz is imperfect and has flaws. Never the less you have read my blogs, maybe even you have found them helpful. Maybe you have shared them. What ever you have done, you have helped me and spurred me on to carry on with my 365 blogs in 365 days.

Here are the actual number of posts so far via a screen shot

A massive task that maybe even I thought was not possible. Yet here we are 375 days on. Over 700 of you now follow me, many of you have commented and shown me commitment in reading what my murmurings have been. I want to thank each and everyone of you for your part in encouraging me to carry on.

Here is the post and the names I put up back then.

Thought I would put up some thank yous

Firstly to my wife Andie Blackwell for being my rock and constant source of strength.

Debbie Beardsworth for the DVDs you sent.

Janette McCreery Reynolds for the listening books all the way from the usa

Becca Parkes for the gifts you sent to my wife. ( sadly passed )

Tea Veenstra and Saskia Woudstra for the card from Holland

Karl Boardman s children Rhys and Kyle for my good wishes card and also to Karl for looking after my house and car whilst I have been here.

Lisa Wood Daryll and Ian for your good wishes via mail.

Anne-Marie Balfour Eric and children Elsie and Rhona for your lovely presents.

Faith my dog for letting grandma do your faith diaries.

Ken Blackwell for looking after Faith with my mum.

Jeremy Blackwell for lending me those uplifting books.

Kim Blackwell for supporting my wife often, and talking to her when driving home from hospital to keep her awake.

Zac Blackwell my nephew for lending me my PS3 games.

Joshua Winn for fundraising and your relentlace support.

Mandy Shanks for your continued support in prayer.

Alison Wilson Johnny Wilson and Molly and boys for your constant support and love at this time for us both.

Beverley Winn for your messages of support.

Carmella Hollington Vale for your continued support.

Cath Parker and John Chapman for your support and love for us both in this.

Chris Dale,and Lisa Dale ben jack and Alfie for your fun and laughter at times of need. And the picture you put on CS and the special video you made.
Dan Vernon and Helen vernon Rueben and Ethan.

Daniel Alexander Clyburn for being there constantly.

Dave Hollington for your encouragement.

My friend Deanna Harwood Perich who skype do and encouraged us many times during the rough rough moments.

Eileen Salmon for your funny messages daily that have kept my spirits up. ( sadly passed )

Ian Ian John Fisher for reminding me of good times we had along with Marie Anna Emily and Ava.

Jan benbow for supporting my wife.

Kirsty Redford for being there for me always and comforting me.

Lakshmi Sharma

Lilian Candy and Pete.

Mags Whitehouse for being there in the small hours to encourage me.

Mel braban for instigigating fund raising event in North Wales

Michelle and Calum for messaging ur sister.

Natalie Burney and MITCH and family for being there even though facing very tough times.

Paul Benson and Jane for your constant love and concideration.

Pauline Phil Lloyd for your encouragement and updates as to your own story here.

Ron Blackwell and Rosalie Blackwell for your constant support.

Sue Winstanley

Alexandra Villemaire in Canada for your reassurance and love.

Thank you to Amanda parfitt

Angela Jack for encouraging me and Andie

Anne Marie slater

Bernadette major

Beth obrien

Bullet tooth tony

Carleene waddicar

Carole Ann Richards you have been a tower of strength

Chantelle Bolton and girls for cheering me up.

Cherlyn Mcsharry and mike and family

Chris Calvert for all your distractions

Chris Oneil and Rachel Robinson

Colin Colin Browne Debbie Browne ur always there.

Colltte mchugh

Dani Makovecz

Daz Manley your a great encouragement

Debbie Debbie Sumner your amazing and I thank you

Dee Taylor

Denise fortune

Diane boocock

Doris livesey

Dorothy Bailey

Eileen Almond my dear friend

Ellen Leigh for your love and sharing your story

Elliott Summerfield

Emily waddicar

Gail Hardman for all your messages and support from you and your boys

Gareth Cartwright rhiannon and family I know this has been tough for you.

Gillian wells you have been here from the start.

Hitesh Ghedia you know.

Ian greenwood for keeping an eye on things

James Clinton Smith for daily encouragement, relentlessly

James D Peace-Mankiewicz we will have lunch 1 day friend. ( sadly passed )

Janine Taylor and Paul Taylor and family for all your support

Jason Julie Kenningley Mark Kenningley Luke Kenningley and family’s

Jean ‘Mili’ Thraves you have been a great addition to the group.

Jean Anderson your journey and Billy’s has inspired me.

Jean alty

Jenny hopwood

Jo Jo Paxton

Joel

John Almond you have been a great source of strength

Judith broad bentm

Judith Taylor inspitational person.

Julia Prince x

Julia Wadsworth here for me even though she is having a hard time.

Julie Watson

Julie wood welcome

Karen Charteris

Kathleen Hyams a star

Kayla green

Kieth McIntosh

Kelly Baxter

Kelly rushton

Klara burton

Les smalley

Linda smalley

Liz peters my dear friend and family

Lorraine Haslett u know.

Louise Hyams

Lyndy

Malaya Arnold

Mandy shanks

Margret Margaret Park xx

Prestwich pharmacy

Marie ash worth

Marius Hantig Adriana my special friends xx

Matanda

Matthew Cross

Michelle hodgeon

Rita hodgeon sadly passed but told her story to us.

Mj Sherman

Nichola kenny a special person
Nicola fortune

Patsy wileman

Pauline birkbeck

Peter bones Wilson a life long friend

Sammie Roberts

Sanjay Ghedia

Shandee Cabral

Sharron mccrery

Sharron Perry

Shaun Ferguson

Shelley Elizabeth

Simon Naylor Kay and family, becoming true friends.

Sue Daniels

Susan robinson

Tajreen mowla

Tim button

Tin foil tie wrap

Towhida Rahman

Tracey Ann Essex, thanks for your continued support on the benidorm seriously group.

Trisha Houghton

Veronica Bailey

Wendy and rob Cartwright, for your love and friendship over the past 23 years

Wendy case Edwards another fighter in Australia.

Youandi Woudstra an amazing person, and outlook.

These are people that supported us while we were in hospital.

There are many more people in our lives now that we’re not bk then. But I wanted to revisit that post, the people that were there back then. The differance you make in people’s lives. I want to encourage you to say the encouraging words you need to say. Because with out you someone may not get the words they need that day. What you say and do can and will make so much of a differance. All you have to do is agree to do it yourself.
Don’t not encourage the person you are compelled to do today, today will be the past tomorrow. But it will also be a new today and a new start and chance to help someone.

But Will you?

Thanks to all of you that have been there for us, the new friends we have made since this article was written. Thank you.

Fonz

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Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.

Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Carling cup final, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Holiday, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Super Bowl 50, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 7 Comments

Conqueror.

21 Saturday May 2016

Tags

belief, bible, cancer, chemotheropy, faith love, hope, jesus, relationship

Throughout the year if you look back at my blog, I have spoken many times how I would rather stand tall and fight. Rather than roll over and allow the cancer to defeat me, I woke up this morning with this song ringing in my head so clearly. I wondered if I had it in my I tunes collection. What do ya know, it was there so I have routed out the you tube video. It’s the words that ring true in my head, because my blog is about encouragement. That you can. That you WILL. That life will get better that your dreams can be a reality.

Life is like a big merry-go-round,

You’re up and then down,

Going in circles trying to get to where you are.

Everybody’s been counting you out,

Where are they now?

Sitting in the same old place,

Just faces in the crowd.

We all make mistakes,

You might fall on your face,

But you gotta get up!
[Chorus:]

I’d rather stand tall

Than live on my knees,

‘Cause I am a conqueror,

And I won’t accept defeat!

Try telling me no,

One thing about me

Is I am a conqueror,

I am a conqueror!

Ooh oh
Got a vision that no one else sees,

Lot of dirty work, roll up your sleeves,

Remember there’s a war out there,

So come prepared to fight!

You never know wherever the road leads you,

Not everyone’s gonna believe you,

Even though they’re wrong, don’t prove them right.
[Chorus:]

I’d rather stand tall

Than live on my knees,

‘Cause I am a conqueror,

And I won’t accept defeat!

Try telling me no,

One thing about me

Is I am a conqueror,

I am a conqueror!

Ooh oh
I am a conqueror!

We all make mistakes,

You might fall on your face,

but you gotta get up!

We all make mistakes,

You might fall on your face,

Don’t ever give up!
[Chorus:]

I’d rather stand tall

Than live on my knees,

‘Cause I am a conqueror,

And I won’t accept defeat!

Try telling me no,

One thing about me

Is I am a conqueror,

I am a conqueror!

Ooh oh
I am a conqueror

We all make mistakes,

You might fall on your face,

But I am a conqueror!
The song speaks of moving on from your mistakes, but I want to use it in your battle. What ever that may be. Relationship, desease, illness, berievment, some sadness in your life. This post is for you, to tell you, to proclaim that you can over come. That you, yes you are more than a conquerer. In life we all come across the hurdles that try to make us fall on our face, and yes sometimes we do find ourselves flat on our faces wondering what the hell just happened. But there is beauty to be found in this situation you find yourself in. Because if you find yourself on the floor, there is only one way you can go from there and that’s up. To stand and face what’s to come, to stand tall and be a conquerer. It is of course but a choice and it is up to us to start again. Today is day 366+ since my BMT now I am starting to believe I will be cancer free forever. That all the prayers, kind messages of faith love and hope have given me the strength to conquer cancer. Given me the strength and passion to defeat the evil that is cancer.

I want you to know, that even if you feel you are unable. That right there is where you show your fellow man your strengths, because when we feel we are not able to carry on, that right there is when we are able to show just what we are made of. That’s where the true winners are, at the end of the rope. They are the ones that tie a knot in the rope and dig in, I want to encourage you today. That what you think is impossible is possible, that you can. That YOU are more that a conquerer.

I truly believe that you can, and I hope that you choose to stand tall today.

Fonz

Follow me on Twitter

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Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.

≈ 18 Comments

Extraordinary.

02 Monday May 2016

Tags

amputatee, chemotheropy, desease, extraordinary, faith, games, hope, invictus, love, premier, self

Invictus games, funny how spell check wants to change that to “I victims” but what does extraordinary mean to you. One of my friends wrote on face book the other day.

COMMON…..being “common” is a very easy way to “fit it”, listen to common people, doing what common people do, living how common people live, going to common places,driving common cars,living in common houses, having a common bank acount…….I preferr to listen and take advice from EXTRAORDINARY people, so I can live an extraordinary life,go extraordinary places, drive extraordinary cars,live in extraordinary houses, have a extraordinary bank acount…….so the extraordinary becomes my “common”!!

The man that wrote that, had his career cut short. He was at the top of his game and someone I respected greatly and respect greatly to this day. You see it’s not what happens to us that make extraordinary people just that. It’s our response to what happens in our life that makes us who we then become. Many times in my life I have heard or even said. “I can’t because” I hate those three words, I even despise them. But I have learnt to see those words as as a way to show the world I CAN. That attitude is how things get done. Now please don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I am extraordinary. But I do know how it feels to do an extraordinary thing. To beat cancer twice is extraordinary in anyone’s book. To cheat death is an amazing thing.

You have to then turn your thoughts to the up and coming invictus games where there are many many people that will be competing in a games invented by an extraordinary Prince Harry. There are many many people on this planet where we can gain encouragement from. Doing something extraordinary starts with one step, it is a choice to become something or achieve something no matter what the world throws at us.

Anyone that beats the odds are amazing in my book, you don’t need to have an extraordinary bank account to be extraordinary. But you do have to be willing to make the first step forwards. That choice is yours.

Fonz

Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer stories, Carling cup final, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Super Bowl 50, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 19 Comments

The lump taking up space.

29 Friday Apr 2016

Tags

business, cancer, chemotheropy, faith, hope, love, lump, suffering, treatment

Yep that’s how it feels, you find a lump that’s cancer the you feel like the lump carrying the lump that’s taking up space. Hardly anyone will read this but this is how us cancer patients feel. We feel like we are worthless, we feel like a failure even because cancer chose us. I mean what did we do to deserve it, are we being punished for something we did? Some of the things that go through our minds are not even writable. Isn’t life hard enough with out this crap they call cancer. The lump they call cancer that lives in our bodies they we render useless because of cancer. How pathetic we feel because cancer chose us, how much despair we feel because cancer came. We look out at the rain dripping down our window pains and wonder if the sun will ever shine again, we cogitate the things we never did that we should have and feel regret. We feel feelings that someone who has never had cancer will hopefully never feel.

I remember exspecting the world to stop just so I could get my head around what was happening for a moment. But wait, was cancer such a bad thing for me looking back. When I look back now at how I dealt with the feelings, that’s what got me through, my attitude to what I as a cancer sufferer mattered the most. It made a huge differance to the desease that was in my body.

I started to look at the world differently and see positives in everything around me. Feeling pleasure to be able to feel the wind on my face, feelings of despair were replaced by thoughts of hope because that’s what I chose to do. I chose to look for the good in everything I saw, I started to see cancer as an oppertunity, not a disability. We only know how hard that is for a person to do, to appreciate our surroundings. To appreciate the medical staff, the people that researched cancer to find a way to make us well again. Quickly skipping over the companies that make billions out of cancer we have to be thankful for our lives. Of course I am not grateful to have had cancer, but what I am is grateful that I have learnt what I have because of cancer. If it was not for cancer maybe I would not be able to see the good all around me as well as what I can now. Maybe because of our attitude to it, that’s what helps cancer become a blessing. That our eyes are opened to what others cannot see. These days I see an appointment to the hospital as an oppertunity to bless someone, even if that is just making them a coffee at the machine, or tea if they prefer.

My attitude to the lump I found first time was to hide, from everyone and everything. My attitude the second time I got cancer was to affect the world. Maybe I have achieved that to a small degree, but I have achieved that, and that is because of cancer.

Have a great weekend

Fonz

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Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

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Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 27 Comments

Are you a blessing to the world?

21 Thursday Apr 2016

Tags

Belive, chemotheropy, depression, faith, gift, give, goals, hope, life, love, today

It’s a funny old life, sometimes I am in awe of what this life has given me, other times I find my mortal self complaining of what is after all. Insignificant. Again my dear dear friend Rob shows me something on a day where I needed to be reminded. Reminded that it’s up to us what we look for in this world, I have learnt so much in this past year, and one of the most important things I have learnt is that the moment you are in right now, what you see right now. Will only ever be that way today. I have said many times, in life there is only one day. Today. That is the only gift we are given. Today.

I will share the link my friend shared with me, I was told today that it’s ridiculous that dogs see oras or even that they may exsist. I am sure that the bible speaks of a light, the light that shines though Jesus. Would that not be conceived as an ora? Well I just know that animals love me, I know that it’s about seeing the good in life and seeing you glass half full, not half empty. Today is a sad day for my family as my dads cousin died. RIP Bill. He was my second cousin, Bill was a nice man a man that was concidered and gentle and kind. I am sure in his life he reflected often on times that were of true whole hearted enjoyment. Bill was a man that loved what he was able to see and accepted what that was. Content I would say, my heart and prayers go out to Bill tonight and Val his wife and the family as a whole. It’s so sad to see a life end, yet for me I see it as an opportunity to reflect and appreciate what was.

I won’t pretend to know Bill well because I didn’t. That opertunity is now past, but I will always remember with fondness sharing time with Bill and Val on our cruise around the Mediterranean. I pray Bills family are comforted at this sad time, but are also able to laugh and enjoy the memories they shared with Bill.

You see life’s hard, or it can just be a moment in the universe connected to all the other moments that everyone else is enjoying. Because if you can read this, you have a life and have been given the most precious gift of all. Life today, treasure what you have and also (as my friend would say) what you don’t have also. Because for me NOT having cancer and having a today is but one of the greatest gifts of all. You know I was able to drive to my mum and dads today, I hugged my dad till a tear rolled down my cheek. Why because today, my dad lost his cousin and he needed his son. So I hope I was a blessing to my mum and my dad today. As I hope you used the life you have today to be a blessing somewhere. Here is the link Rob my dear friend shared with me and I share with you today. It’s not to late to be a blessing.

Fonz

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Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

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Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

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Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 15 Comments

One of the toughest things about cancer for me.

18 Monday Apr 2016

Tags

cancer, chemotheropy, comfort, Compassion, courage, fatigue, giving, hope, love

I don’t know how to say this, but I am pretty sure I can articulate it well enough in a post. When I had cancer once, my eyes were not opened as much as what they are now. Although the ABVD treatment was horrific, it was only a snippet of what have ICE chemo BEAM and then a Bone marrow transplant is like. People can’t understand what it’s like, for that I am grateful. It’s quite easy for me to be relieved that a person has not had to have just one of the treatments I have had. Because when I say “I would not wish it on my worst enemy” I really mean just that.

I find it a struggle these days to know of someone having to have treatment, I don’t mind telling you, it makes me weep and drop to my knees and pray for that person. The compassion I feel for the person is overwhelming, and a real emotional roller coaster. When I set out on this journey of writing my blog 365 times in 365 day, I had a lot of time on my hands and no energy. I remember not being able to pick up my I pad even, I don’t expect you to believe me. It’s not possible to understand unless you have been through it yourself. A friend reminded me how hard it was today as she shared some of what her BMT (bone marrow transplant) was like. It took me back, to not being able to write, but guess what I did. I wrote. Why, because I wanted the world to know how it was for me in there. How feeling unable but doing anyway felt. How hard life really is, that in comparissum to a parking issue my life was in the balance and I was fighting for it.

It’s really difficult for me not to be emotional these days when I learn someone has to have any kind of treatment. I have empathy and compassion in massive amounts. It’s tough having that much compassion you know it really is. All I hope is that it’s not you, that by reading what I have written in my blog that you realise that life is more precious than you ever thought it was before reading my blog. Each day I awake is a bonus, I say thank you audibly to God for each day I have. On Saturday someone said to me how they enjoyed my blogs, that they come across well. Someone else told me off for not writing everyday. I can only apologise to you all, I have been busy. My wife wants a conservatory so I am making that happen for her. For me I don’t care what it takes, if I can make my wife happy then at least I have some purpose to this life I have been allowed to live.

It’s been a funny old week, I have seen a man cry who remembered another’s journey. I have seen compassion in people beyond belief. I have seen a friend smile whilst we went out for a trundle in my TVR seemingly small things, but things I never thought would happen again. So when you know someone is in treatment, treat them. Give them something to smile about. Even if it’s just a visit, a home made cake, what ever it is. Trust me that persons day will be better, and you will of made a difference in their life. Is that not amazing that you CAN make a differance in someone’s life. Wow that for me although the best is the toughest thing to do, to reach out to someone in treatment. Yet it means so much to the person. There is no rule book, we are not supposed to know what to say or do. But to show love to someone in that lonely time of treatment is unforgettable to the person, and something that gives you fuel for your day.

I will always find it hard because I know what they face, but that’s given me a love for people that will never ever wilt. I hope you all have a great week, give to someone this week you have never given to before. Be grateful for the life you have what ever you face. It could always be worse, so why not choose to makes someone’s better.

Fonz

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Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

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Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 20 Comments

Can’t the world make each other happy.

05 Tuesday Apr 2016

Tags

belief, business, chemotheropy, faith, friendships, happiness, hope, love, mind, together

So much happens in this world I don’t understand, I don’t know about you. I do know one thing though, that is all I want in writing is to love and be loved. My first ever post I was a scared little boy in the blogging world. I knew not what to expect from that world. But the world I was most scared of was the cancer one. Saying the word cancer has a scary familierlarity that scares me now. I don’t want to be familiar with cancer, I don’t even want it to have a place in my life. But that said, I have fear in my heart for other people that may set off on the very journey I did. This journey has become about others not myself. Not my progress but the building of belief in others that they can.

It reminds me of a story written by someone else, but here is my interpretation. Two people ( they can be male or female) ) they are in hospital. One is not able to sit up and see out of the Window, the other is able. Everyday the one that is able is asked by the one that is not. “What do you see outside” each day the story is of sunshine, success and children playing together happily. Day after day the stories were the same. Sunshine, happiness and peace. Until one day when the one that was not able to sit up to see out the window sat up. To find he could only see a wall, there was no playground, no sunshine and no laughing children. Yet everyday in the mind of the healing person they saw happiness, saw smiles and felt happiness through the stories the other person shared with them.

The stories were giving hope, love and happiness to a body that needed to heal. We all have the chance each day to say something nice. I remember on Monday yesterday even laughing with my family, even heartily did we laugh even though the pain I felt was immense. Right there at that moment, or moments. With my wife, mum, dad, nephew, and sister in law. Who I would love to be my actual sister laughed heartily and loved completely. Is that not what the person that could see out of the window did. In doing so gave hope and helped another’s recovery.

We are a circle connected, if you help another in that circle you belong. You help. You have giving hope to another. Is that not an amazing thing to do, should not we all do this for someone everyday.?

This last 5 days have been tough, but there have been times of laughter and I have remembered good times. My advice. Hold onto the good times, and make as many times good as you can. Those moments only come once then they are gone forever.

Fonz

P s thank you for all you do and are going to do for another.

Follow me on Twitter

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Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

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Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, depression, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 29 Comments

What you have to say.

31 Thursday Mar 2016

Tags

business, chemotheropy, encouragement, faith, help, hope, industry, love, message

You may never ever have the effect on the world, if you don’t actually say to someone what you think you have to say. What you have to say, could change the whole direction of someone’s life for the better. Yet you don’t say what you have to say, and there may be no effect, or maybe the effect of you not saying something neglected to encourage someone that needed to hear what you have to say. See that’s what I have struggled with in recent days, that my blog is not effective, encouraging, or maybe even futile. Yes I thought those thoughts.
Why did I even think such absolute rubbish, why did I rob someone of a post that should have been written but never was. We will never know what those posts were, what they would have said or how the may have affected people. But one thing I do know is, I personally have to be of the right mind to write. You know that I speak with truth and integrity and from my very own experience. I was talking to my dad, (who possibly is my worst critic) and he encouraged me to continue. That it was worth while doing what I am doing. Writing here to you. I am not able to tell you how many times I wanted to give up, how many times I heard small voices saying things like ” no one wants to hear what you write ” ” no one even understands your words ” such lies. Such de motive lies. Such useless unviable and needless ethics. Just not what is really happening.

I write, so one person a day may feel encouragement, and I believe that happens everyday. I believe a power greater than I puts my posts in front of someone that needs it everyday. So again I say. ” I will carry on ” I WILL! Deter me, do your best to de energise me. Then I will rise up stronger again, because what I believe I should do I will do. Only now have I realised it should have been pool night tonight. But no one text. Maybe it’s I that should make it happen. Maybe it’s you that should say what you have to say.

After all, there is only you on this planet that is able to say what you have to say. How powerful is that. Only you…..

Have a great week

Fonz

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Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

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Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.

Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 23 Comments

Survival is good.

30 Wednesday Mar 2016

Tags

BMT, chemotheropy, hope, Ice, instincs, side effects, survival

In yesterday’s blog another blogger commented I will put his link up shortly. He said he was asked how he was and his response was “oh surviving” the person that replyed said “survival is good” my friend Rob would have said that to me. We live in a world where so many seem to complain about the lot they have been given, instead of rejoicing that we are here to enjoy some elements of life. I have dark patches in my daily life far more than the normal I was used to, due to life that cancer has given to me. I say given because Cancer made me see more things than it took from me. It’s opened my eyes and whilst I could have lost my life, I survived, and that’s good.

You are on this earth for a reason, mine could be to encourage others, and I could not do that as effectively if I had not been touched by cancer. Well maybe that’s true but what ever the case I have more because of cancer than I did with out cancer. So I am kind of blessed to have had it really, blessed that I know what it takes to beat it.

When I went in for my Stem cell transplant, I said these words to my wife. “I hope what I have left of me, is enough for you” she replied “what ever you is, after transplant. Will still be you, and you are enough for me” I realised that I had to survive for her, for my family, my friends and my exstended family on CS. I am writing this with someone in mind and she knows who she is. As she reads this she will know that she to will know that “survival is good” My fellow blogger where I got the inspiration for this blog.

Remember it’s not always obvious what you gain from a struggle to survive. But you will find what it is that’s good about your survival, even if it’s just that you survived. But what ever you do with your survived self, make sure you bless at least one person. Even by that one act it was worth you surviving. Have a a great day.

Fonz

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Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

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Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.

Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 24 Comments

No you can, really you can.

29 Tuesday Mar 2016

Tags

cancer, chemotheropy, encouragement, faith, hans, illness, inception, kindness, love, time, zimmer

Please listen to the music whilst you read this blog.

Today has been an emotional roller coaster. I blogged again for the first time in 9 days, having been discouraged from writing and maybe even attacked from within myself somehow. I felt over whelmed by pain, felt friendships were not what they should be. I felt emotional pain for all those that suffered, I mean an actual pain. I searched and searched for some kind of comfort. But I did not find it, not even did I find peace. But then yesterday I blogged again, and I felt some kind of peace, knowing that I had done something useful. The pains started to subside, and I started to feel more positive. All because I had a light shone in my face. ” I may not see the answer but it is there. Then tonight I heard this piece of music.

The piece by Hans Zimmer immidieatley made me feel like my spirit was alive. That the only reason I was finding it tough was, because I was doing the right things. That if I stopped writing what I am given to write that people’s lives would not have a source of encouragement. People would lose out some how. Not only that, I myself would lose out.
I have pain inside when I hear someone has cancer. When I hear of someone suffering, someone said to me it’s anxiety. I don’t think so, for me it’s passion, given to me by cancer itself. Well I am not going to say I can’t, I am going to stand and say I can. I am going to keep moving forwards no matter what anyone says. I will keep on keeping on. That’s what this piece of music said to me as soon as I heard it. I teared up, it said. Mark you can, and you must carry on. Some my laugh at my thoughts. But this is not about the doubters, this is about life. This is about people who are affected by illness that feel they are not able to carry on. This post is FOR YOU. You have to hear me, you can go on. To do that you must stand, you must say you can. You must start to believe in the impossible. Believe that, maybe just maybe you had cancer for a reason.

Illness of any kind makes us appreciate what we do have, but some find it an oppression and are dispondent at what they could have had. What you have is something that will open your eyes to all that’s around you. IF YOU let it, you are able to feel love for another soul. The live I have for another has become so deep, I don’t even know how deep it is myself. What I do know though, is if you are doing something worthwhile, positive, or encouraging. You will find stumbling blocks put in your path. Because you are doing something worth while. The question is how will you respond?

Fonz

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Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

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Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 22 Comments

Tiredness people don’t understand.

16 Wednesday Mar 2016

Tags

chemotheropy, cheo, fatigue, healthy, hope, love, passion, radiothearopy, tirdness

This post is for anyone who wants to understand, what tiredness means to someone in recovery, or indeed in treatment. For me this well built strong man, does not accept weakness well. Tired was never something I had surcome to, it was a feeling I would brush off and continue on with my day. Tiredness to me was something and nothing, so what I would carry on regardless. Even doing to 2 in the morning then getting up early enough to hear the birds tweeting. I would think nothing of getting up at 4 am to drive to who knows where for a meeting with who knows who. My life was energetic full on and interesting. That was until I was 40, I am now 47. You see what a normal person feels as tired, you can recover from with a lye in on a Saturday or a Sunday. Or both.

This is not the case for someone who has had high dose chemothearopy. Many people, in fact I would say all people. Comment on how well I look, how amazingly normal I look concideringnthis time last year I had no hair what so ever. (Apart from my eye brows) I looked falown, pail and at deaths door. I was of course and I shut my family and friends away from my life and me and Andie got on with what needed to be done. I want you to know, that it’s ok to be tired, that YOU are NOT weak because you are tired. What you are is recovering, you are finding new boundaries that were not what you were used to before you need to have treatment.

You will need to be in bed for longer in the morning possibly, need a sleep in the afternoon possibly. Then you may need a sleep in the evening to. Before going to bed and sleeping for a further 10-12 hours. It’s ok to do that, your body is healing whilst you sleep, DO NOT. Give yourself a hard time, it’s ok to make some food and feel exhausted, wash a car and feel exhausted. Mow the lawn and feel exhausted, weed a border and not able to do anything else for the rest of the day. You are not abnormal, you are not different to other people. I was a body builder at one point in my life, training every other day and having a BMI of 8 strong, and unshakable.

Some of us have read the side effects of the drugs we have had in our chemo, others just get on with it. I did the latter, my wife scared herself with all the side effects. I am finding out that people are still affected 5 years down the line, some bounce back quickly, some take longer. It’s ok to be where you are at, it’s ok and you should not beat yourself up. I smile as I write, because although I do my best to not give myself a hard time for being so tired. I do. But the purpose of this post is yo encourage you, that you are not alone. We, the people that have had treatment know how long we have been tired for. An operation under general can take a week to recover from, that’s ok to. But the tiredness you feel is so different to what tiredness used to feel like before cancer or what ever nasty you are now, or have been treated for.

Nutrition is very helpful, and the more of a stable diet you have IE 5 a day. The better you will feel, you may think. Well maybe not, because let’s not forget that the body needs nutrition to repair our bodies, and if we are eating well then our bodies will repair itself more. Which in turn makes us more tired, radiotherapy damages the body as does chemo. So don’t think that your tiredness because of Radio, your not entitled to. Because you are. Your body tells you to sleep to heal, allow your body to heal. Those that think you should be back to full health and working again, forgive them. They have no idea what it’s like to feel like you do, and for me I pray that they continue to have that ignorance.

Maybe you are reading this and you have never been touched by chemo or alike, I just hope that this post has helped you to understand what someone who has had treatment still has to deal with.

If you have had treatment, I hope you feel encouraged. ITS OK TO FEEL TIRED.

Fonz

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Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Pets, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 33 Comments

Encouraging bloggers.

22 Monday Feb 2016

Tags

bloggers, blogging, cancer, chemotheropy, cured, encouraging, faith, hope, illness, love, radio, terminal

This weeks bloggers I love.
http://Wordpress.hugsnblessings.com 
Dawn Marie is a Godly lady and is someone who always has something positive to say. She is not a person you will find drawn into negative conflicts about anyone, she sees everyone as souls. As a consequence she has nothing but kindness to give to all people. I totally respect her and am happy to call her my friend.
http://heidihjort.com 
recommended
http://alphawhiskeyfoxtrot.com/
Saying its one of the kindest blogs she had ever seen. So of course I had to add it.
I will always add blogs people recommend because if you like what they do then so will others.
http://dreambigdreamofter.wordpress.com
Danny shares people’s links everyday, he is a caring man himself and while he suffers himself daily, he has always got Time for others. People like this are rare in life and although I have our Danny forwards before he has shown support that I have seen this week to..

These people I want to recommend as this weeks bloggers that encourage others that are not out for themselves. The world needs more people like this, please contact me if you think there is someone that should go in next week.
Fonz

Follow me, I will follow back. 😊
http://www.fonzandcancer.com

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Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

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Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Carling cup final, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 9 Comments

Bloggers I love, I will share your link.

16 Tuesday Feb 2016

Tags

Cancerstories, caring, chemotheropy, courageous, generous, grace, helpful, hope, love, winners

Should you think your blog or someone else’s are a blog with a giving nature, tell me in the comments. If you think someone has a giving heart, someone that is selfless, out to help and better others lives. I WANT TO KNOW. I will publish my bloggers I love blog every Monday, so more people come to the site of choice. This blog is for others not me, to give something back to those selfless souls out there.

Please share those people, I really love making the world a better place and love people in it that make the world a better place. What’s better than loving your fellow man and wanting the best for your fellow man. We are after all, each and every one brothers and sisters.

Let’s start a wave of love across the Internet.

– Fonz

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Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.

Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, depression, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 12 Comments

This is my battle, your advice is NOT welcome.

24 Sunday Jan 2016

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 94 Comments

Tags

chemotheropy, journey, Listen, silence, support

I don’t want to hear how well Peggy Sue is doing, I know she is doing better than I was at that point in recovery, but this is how I feel. Have you ever thought that? Well I have! People saying how well other people are doing in their recovery. Well you have to know that while people see me as strong and unshakable, I have side effects in recovery that are normal, but not all people have the same as I do. In fact I would go so far as to say no one has exactly the same side effects as another person. I get more side effects the more I do, which is a bit frustrating to say the least.

I was talking to someone today what was saying, that she wants to tell people how she feels not have people tell her how others have felt. This is NOT selfish, this is part of the process of having a disease. Part of a recovery process, it’s one of the golden rules when talking to someone quit saying what is was like unless you say ” would you like to hear how it was for me”? I have had people say no. Oh and guess what, that’s fine to. Because the battle someone faces is worse than anyone else’s as it unfolds. What they face is real NOW, so many people think that telling the world how it was for someone else, is “comforting?” I know right?

You know what comforting. Knowing that person has their phone next to them for you yo call if you need to. A gentle text, flowers that smell nice. That can also be a problem if they have lost the ability to taste or smell. The most important thing to do, here it is the money sentence. LISTEN….. Just listen to them, hug them and make sure they know you care! Simple isn’t it and yes it really is that simple. Sometimes sitting and saying nothing is better than trying to make conversation.

Fonz

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Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

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Quote

Diagnosis.

22 Friday Jan 2016

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 28 Comments

Tags

cancer, chemotheropy, diagnosis, faith, happiness, healing, illness, life, optimist, pessimist, terminal

I read a snippet from a blogger yesterday Danny , his diagnosis was the start of a new journey. It got me thinking about my journey. My new WordPress friend does not have cancer, his diagnosis was something else. He has an amazing attitude, an attitude that life is a journey and so what if he had other plans on the old journey before his diagnosis. It’s the start of a brand new journey. I hear people say to me a lot it’s ok for you though your not terminal. My response is always the same “we are all terminal, it’s just you have a clearer idea of when that will be”

See there are only two ways to look at your future. You can either be an optimist or a pessimist. An optimist can see good in all situations, but a pessimist expects things to go wrong and expects there to be issues that will hinder their progress. Maybe a pessimist is more of a realist, what do you think.

Back to the point, anyone that’s had a doctor sit in front of them knows how it feels to have a diagnosis given. I was not One of the lucky ones. Mine was “you have Cancer” very chilling words and they do take some time to get your head round. All sorts of other things went with that, the asking of questions, “what will happen if I don’t have treatment”? “what’s Chemothearopy“? lots of things I asked like that.

It’s only looking back that you realise that it was the start of a journey, one with lots of trials but at the same time, one I am glad I went on. Without cancer I would not be writing this blog, I would not have the friends I have. Cancer has given me so much. You see you can gain so much because of your diagnosis, you just have to keep your head up and keep Doing. Life is only a slog if we make it one, yesterday I put a note up.mit was a cactus picture. With the caption “just because your given a cactus it does not mean you have to sit on it” our attitude to desease is the key to a better journey with it. Hang our heads, and walk around like the world owes us a living ,then generally people will not want to help. Put your hand out to help someone up, and help will come to you. That’s the way the world works, a secret of a happy life. I love to discover secrets of life, little gems are always hidden. Only those that look for diamonds find them.

Have a great day.

Fonz

http://www.lep.co.uk/news/community/cancer-fighter-mark-beats-disease-twice-despite-delayed-diagnosis-1-7481482

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Gallery

Fire and the sustaining of life.

22 Friday Jan 2016

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 12 Comments

Tags

chemotheropy, coal, Fire, given, life, photosynthisis, sunset, sustain

Fire is the giver of life, did you know that the fires that happen naturally in the wild are needed …

Continue reading →

Quote

Carrot cake. (A story)

21 Thursday Jan 2016

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

cancer, chemotheropy, human, kindness, LEP, Sharing, support

So how did I come to have this amazingly tasty carrot cake in my kitchen. Well it’s quite a story as to how it got there really starting with my old school friend Daniel Clyedburn. You see if it was not for Danny there would be no carrot cake in my kitchen even though he did not make it it’s because of him it’s there. You see Danny made a phone call to someone called Aasma day, Aasma works at the LEP (Lancashire evening post) he called her up to say that he had a friend who had beaten cancer twice and maybe she may like to run a story on him. So that men would be encouraged to get their butts to the doctors on finding a lump. That because He did this He was still alive and his friend owed his life to the NHS and the medicine that was given to him, in the form of chemothearopy.

The next step in the chain that led to my carrot cake was a photographer coming to his friends house and photographing him and his wife along with his dog Faith. They ran the story both on the Internet and in the actual LEP. You can read the article here.

In running the article, Aasma kindly agreed to put the link to his friends cancer support group, and also his friends blog address. This is where the chain of events led to my carrot cake finding its way to my kitchen. You see, in wanting to help other people and desiring to give hope to mankind, and because Danny told Aasma day about his friend. Some people in the surrounding area joined the cancer stories support group, that is there for people to lean on each other because of their own journeies. One of those people lived in the friends village, another lived in a near by city called Preston. Together as man and wife they talked and were encouraged, because of cancer stories which may (if I can be so bold) have contributed to saving someone’s life.

Of course you know who Danny’s friend is, because the person who made my amazing carrot cake is called Anne and she read the article in the LEP and joined our group along with her husband Dave. Such special people who came to my house yesterday for a coffee and a slice of carrot cake that she had made for me, Danny’s friend from school. It’s a chain of human kindness that led to me and my wife being able to enjoy this special gift given to us because of Danny. So tonight we will be sat by the open fire listening to the rain pounding the Windows nice and warm with a slice of cake washed down with a glass of red. Thanks Anne, Aasma, and Danny. Maybe there will be some left for you when I see you on Saturday Danny.

Keep encouraging everyone, it’s the best thing in the world to give a little human kindness to someone. Have a great night.

Fonz

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Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

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Quote

I am blessed to be alive.

21 Thursday Jan 2016

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 18 Comments

Tags

alive, blessed, chemotheropy, courage, determination, fight, life

How are you all today? I know some of you will not be great others like me will be over the moon to be able to open my eyes once again. To have a new day to live, I feel blessed just to have the chance at a new life. Today is my mums birthday, and whilst I won’t see her today I shall on Sunday with the whole family as we share a meal together to celebrate our mum being 70 years old. I may do a blog just for her later but for now I want to talk to you about how wonderful life is.

You see we are the ones that have doctors with knowledge, hospitals with people in them passionate about saving lives, they work tirelessly to help us win our battles, there are so many people that dedicate their lives to us getting better. How grateful I am to be awake today, to have a full day ahead of me to enjoy or endure. Today I am going to choose to enjoy not endure. Many times whilst I was having treatment I had fun with the nurses, doctors, cleaners whoever. As far as I was concerned they are all a link in a chain that made it possible for me to get my life back.

I am for sure a blessed man, not a cursed man because I had cancer I was chosen possibly to have it, I do for sure see the world through different eyes, I am more sensitive, more loving and more appreciative of what I do have not what I could have. It was the same when I had cancer, I was appreciative of the the people I had to care for me as opposed to being downtroddon that I even had to go through the journey they call cancer.

Picture from http://www.thelaughterward.com
When you see life like this, it’s suprising how soon the world around you changes. All because of your attitude to the desease. Is there really a reason I got it to encourage others on their journey. Was I really chosen to have cancer because cancer needs someone like me to have it? Well I Don’t know the answer to that question, but I do know I am blessed to have today.. As they say in the US of A.

Have a blessed day.

Fonz

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7836112.stm

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Love yourself.

09 Saturday Jan 2016

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 10 Comments

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achieve, affair, age, animal, attitude, avec, awareness, baby, banned, be live, because, believer, Bellamy, best, birthday, black, blood, bone, BONE MARROW TRANSPLANT, brain, can, cancer, chemo, chemotheropy, Christian, Christmas, Christmaseve, Cole, Compassion, courage, cricket, cruise, CS, dad, David, dead, death, define, Depressed, depression, desire, destiny, diagnosis, did, died, Do, does, Edmonds, empathy, encouragement, endurance, energy, England, Eve, expect, Experience, facebook, faith, falling, Families, family, floating, foundations, friends, gallery, gift, gifts, given, goals, GOD, Good, Goodness, great, greatness, guilt, Hannah, hansolo, happiness, happy, hard, healing, health, help, Hodgkins, hope, hospital, Jewish, jobs, Johnny, know, last day, Learn, Leicester, life, lire, Listen, live, lived, Liverpool, London, longevity, Lord'sPrayer, love, loved, Low, machine, marks, marrow, MDU, meal, meaning, memories, memory, Monkey, morph, Morris, motivation, mum, muscle, Muslim, Natalie Cole, Natking, neurology, neutrapeenic, new year, Noel, not, of, oncology, one, one day, onedirection, Paddington, Paris, partner, passion, Peace, people, persevere, precious, Presence, R2D2, raise, real, reality, recover, regret, Rejected, Rejection, relentless, Remember, resolution, rises, Samaritan, SENSATION, Sharing, shortbread, silverback, somebody, southport, Spirituality, square, stage, star, stats, Stemcell, Steve, StevenHawkins, StMichael, stories, strength, struggle, survived, survivor, swopshop, taught, teach, tennis, Thames, thankyou, there, time, today, together, Tohetehr, Tony hart, transplant, Transplanted, travel, tree, true, tvr, twitter, unite, unity, wars, WE, weakness, wealth, wealthy, what, white, who you are, will, win, Wordpress, working, Writing, yang, year, yes, yin, you, yourself

Throughout my life there have been many stages, but one lesson I would say is perhaps the hardest, or maybe took the longest. Was to learn to love myself, you see most people blame situations people, ( I was dealt a bad hand) my friend says it like. The people in the pub that have a woulda coulda story – if only it was not for such and such. Well it’s all a load of rubbish. Absolute BS. Our future is in our hands but unfortunately, if we don’t live ourselves we will find life is so much harder than it would otherwise be should we be happy with who we are. We have to become that person that when the person who is looking back, your content with. I am not saying the full article because no human is ever the ful article in my opinion. We learn until the day we die if always want to improve ourselves.

I personally want to better today than I was yesterday, I think they call it growing. Always learning and always becoming a better you. Let me put it this way, a house needs solid foundations to last. Without solid foundations there will be cracks in the plaster in time, bricks will move and the house will become unstable. Loving yourself is the foundation for everything we build on top of it, a relationship, the ability to live with your whole heart, holding down a good job, respect from others. No one will respect you if you don’t respect yourself.

I found the right person to marry because I had found myself in travelling Australia, yup that’s what it took for me. It was not till I was 36 and a broken marriage behind me that I became truly happy with the reflection in my mirror. Very late in life I would say, but at least I got there in the end. Cancer has honed me, made me a better more rounded person enabling me to see life through the eyes of a disability. The disability being the disabling treatments that my cancer demanded. In your life you will have your own challenges, but what ever happens in your life love the person who you are before you build a life.

Have a great weekend

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
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It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.

Chemo Brain.

08 Friday Jan 2016

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

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I read an article today on a site called Had cancer, talking about different ways that we feel sometimes years after having had chemotheropy. Some doctors say it does not exsist, (apparently) I have never had this exsperience with doctors myself but then I am quite a large person both physically and in personality. After reading the article I realised that maybe I could write about the very thing that frustrates me so much. So let me explain how it is for me as a cancer patient that like the person who wrote the article. I had cancer!

So for me when I was having chemo, even my first chemo (mine was very strong) it had to be I was at 4 a and in a bad way. Close to losing my life and riddled with cancer. Remember in previous blogs I have talked about chemo feeling like snakes in your head, it did. Sometimes your head even hurts as you remember stuff, but then your brain is a muscle. It has lots of connections in the brain that need to work in a certain way. Now I am not a doctor, but it makes sense to me that maybe the brain has been affected in a small way by the drugs pumped into my body. I do forget things where I didn’t before. So I have to write things down to remember them. Where as before I really never did I just remembered.

Trust me no cancer patient uses it as an excuse, after all who wants to forget? I look like a Pratt sometimes because I repeat myself, repeat myself. Seriously though it’s embarrassing.

Picture by Fine acupuncture.com
People that have not had cancer will never understand how it affects a human being. How can they, we must excuse their ignorance in not trying to even understand. I have been insulted, even misjudged by people close to me. I have to realise it’s not something they will understand unless they try to. Walking around pointing the finger at someone suffering does not help anyone.

Chemo brain can last for years so if it’s you, know it’s a possible normal for you. It’s frustrating because people may get annoyed at you, no one will understand unless they have researched what you maybe feeling. It does not mean we have lost our intelligence. It means we have been affected by chemothearopy, our memories may not be up to scratch but it does not mean we are inadequate. Far from it, chemo brain is real. But the fact is that chemo brain is much more frustrating for the person with it than it is for the person communicating with that person. Have a great day and know that your not alone, there are I suspect many that will read this and realise that it’s normal and even feel a bit better about it. Because others feel what they do.

Have a good weekend

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
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Do u listen to understand or listen to reply.

07 Thursday Jan 2016

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

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Do you know the differance? Ok well here is my take on it. If your a friend to someone you will listen to understand what they are going through or facing. If you listen to reply, you are more interested in what your opinion is than helping the person to deal with the problem they are telling you about. God, if you believe there is a God ( I do). When he made us made us with 2 ears and one mouth, interesting don’t you think? Does that not mean we should listen more than we speak, sounds daft as I write this as I love speaking, but I also love to solution stuff. The only way we can solution is by listening, I love coming up with answers to situations. But hate jigsaws.

For a long time in my life I thought that people wanted to hear my opinion, when in fact the person that really wanted to hear my opinion was Me. I was a selfish person in some ways, even though my motive may have been good the result of my motive was to reply with my opinion.

I have realised that by listening your learning, and when your speaking you are not learning anything at all. It’s a skill to listen and one I am working on everyday, as I endeavour to complete my challenge of blogging everyday for a whole year. 365 days. I am busy learning to as I get feedback from people, people that care, some are surprised that I am nearly 3/4 of the way through and still am doing what I said I would do. I know it’s helping people be use people are telling me and I am listening. Using the skill I am honing to listen to other people to understand as opposed to reply.

Listening to understand not only gives us more knowledge but also it helps us to understand people and their situations. Which I turn gives us experience. The one thing about exsperience is you can’t buy it, you can buy someone to tell us from their exsperience, but if we want to have exsperience we have no choice but to listen and learn from someone else. Because that’s what listening to understand does. It gives us the exsperience that we can call on in another situation in the future. We may be able to recall what we have learnt and help us in our very own situation. This may mean nothing to you, you may think you know what I am saying and don’t need to hear it. If that’s the case then you will not learn anything.

Have a great Friday,

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
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Your past does not define you.

07 Thursday Jan 2016

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Christmas, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

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Who you were you cannot change, but what you become is in your hands. You can be what ever you want to be, do what ever you want to do. You can achieve what ever you want to achieve. It’s believing what you say is true. You see for you to achieve what you want to achieve it means you first have to believe it’s possible then step out in faith putting one foot in front of the other, and move forward. You see the further you move forwards the dimmer the light of your “what was” will be. Of course I am meaning for my cancer journey, it’s not something I want or need to remember. The more days I live without cancer, the more I believe it’s possible to have a future with out it.

Whilst this blog will be short, it’s just to remind you and me. That because we have had cancer and are in remmission, this does not define us as a person. Even if you are having treatment it does not define you, what defines you is what you do right now. What you choose to become, your not defined by what someone thinks of you, what their opinion is, is not for you to know. What matters is what you want out of this life, if that’s to sit with your head in your hands blaming God knows what as to the reason you have cancer. That’s your choice, and that is what defines you. But I want you to know that you have the choice everyday to leave that past behind you. The definition of you is in your hands.

You are so much more than you are today.

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
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Our support group on our FB
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It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.

The day I died. (What I saw)

05 Tuesday Jan 2016

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Christmas, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

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Today I went to see Roy and Vickie, we talked seamlessly for over 2 hours. It was a really pleasant time, Roy shared with me his cancer story. It was a good time, I was asked the same question as Dave and Anne asked me though. “Do I ever get down” so now I will tell you how I cope with that, how I did cope with that, and hopefully what makes me feel like that.

It’s hard to know where to start really, because people seem to think I am some kind of infalable being that just gets on an does it. (Not true) it’s hard for me to talk about being weak, as it’s not in my nature to show that side of me. However the bible talks about when I am weak then he is strong. Don’t get me wrong I am not going to come across all religious on you, but this is how it happened to me. I remember quite distinctly the day that I realised beating cancer was not possible, cancer stories did not exsist then. I know if it had I would most certainly have coped better, I remember watching a movie I think it was called the awakening. Robert de Nero played a part of someone who deteriated badly, I remember how I wept the know the audible crying, feeling like you are out of control. I dropped to my knees that night, I cryed out loud. Please help me if your there, I can’t do this alone. I was not finding it hard fighting cancer, I could no longer do it anymore. It was just a wave of negativity that flooded my being, it would not be the last either. That was just the beginning of digging to the deepest you thought possible,my then having to dig deeper again.
Us humans are stubborn when it comes to losing our lives, or I was anyway. I had found the recipe for the rest of my life, a good wife, a great house. My little sports car, my faith but the one thing that was holding all that together was my health. Even so, no matter how sick I felt I always got up, I remember one day when I did not get up till 5 pm. There being a cold chill in my room, it felt like I was being taken. Dieing, that I was slipping away. I felt like I was being pulled out of a sleeping bag as they tried to take my life. I refused and fought like hell that day, getting up for tea time. I dare not sleep that day and night drinking plenty of fluid, feeling like snakes were in my head. The drugs I was on were pioneering drugs, as I was on a trial for a new drug that I agreed to have put in my body. Eventually over Christmas 2011 I finished my chemo and had the Christmas they said I would not have without the treatment. Apparently I had gotten into remission. No fan fare no party, they were just words that I did not believe. I felt all along it was still there!
I was explaining today how my cancer hid, and although I was supposed to be in remission. I knew the cancer cells were hiding in my bones. I could feel them almost laughing at me. Non of the scans picked it up, as they were rougue cells and scanners only picked up clusters. Everyday I would get up and wonder if today was the day it would show itself. Although I did put faith into practice by buying a Labrador and calling her Faith as that’s what I needed to get into remmission.

I remember when it came back again (hard recalling this) coiling up into a ball and crying my heart out. The consultant had told me I would have to have my bone marrow removed, and have a stem cell transplant. This was to be done in isolation in a tiny room. Excuse my language, but how in the hell could I possibly do that, were they mad! I could see no way. For me it was a step to far, an impossible ask. I ached hopelessly inside, I asked time and time again if there was another option. Non what so ever this was my only hope, no more life for me with out it. It made me shake, I would be physically sick at the thought.

In everyone of those moments, I made myself read positivity. Quotes from the bible, positive people on Twitter, Google and many other places just positives. Friends, family, everyone was only to speak positively to me. No moaning. When I finally got into the room. That big silverback became a weak hopeless human, put into the hands of medicine.

The day I became nutrapenic, I felt really strange I left my body and even though I was talking to Andie, I felt like I was actually leaving the planet. I held on tight to Andies hand, I believed it was to early. That what was the point in me being the one who did not make it surely there was a reason for me having this. As I hovered above myself I remember hearing the words “not yet” I don’t know who said them but it certainly was a comfort to me. The day before that I had been sat by the window shaking violently, imagining myself timing sheets together to escape. The door was always open, I could have left at any time, it was not escape from Alcatraz. That’s what being neutapenic made me feel.

So my friends, all of these things I felt, some I still feel. I know what the guilt feels like, to have made it where others don’t. That’s the only “why me” sentence I have said. Remember this, when you think there is no more to give. There always is, with determination AND FAITH you. “yes you” can do ANYTHING. Don’t give up, because you have friends.

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
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Thank you Cancer.

05 Tuesday Jan 2016

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Christmas, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

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Strange title you think? Really? Well if you think it’s strange you have not seen someone in remission, fight and win or you think cancer has taken loved ones to soon. You see for me whilst I have fought like hell and won, along the way I have found inspirational people, people that I would not have met had it not been for cancer. Cancer stories has given everyone there the gift of friendship with someone.

People around the world have been put in touch with each other and are talking to each other about the journey they had, and encouraging another who maybe facing the same journey. A couple of online papers have talked about what we have done, people message me with kindness. Giving encouragement to me to carry on blogging. If I am honest, I am exhausted today, finding it hard to stay awake even. Someone said the other day, cancer is the gift that keeps on giving. I am not sure if that was meant in a negative or positive way. But most certainly our attitude to what we face can help us, or hinder our progress. The daft thing is, by holding our head in our hands does in fact hinder us.

It’s only by standing up and choosing to face cancer and all that goes with it, that we find some good in the journey of Hell called cancer. For instance my friends Dave and Anne we would not know had we not been affected by cancer, we would not know those lovely people that are most certainly an asset to our lives most certainly not a hinderance. Anne serves a mean chocolate eclair and not just any eclair either. Only mns in their house. We have come into contact with many people with great hearts, even gaining a sister along the way. Cancer whilst attempting to take my life has given us gifts, not without looking for the gifts did we find them though.

The fact of the matter is though that cancer comes with some positivity once we are able to see through the pain that it gave to us, be it death, physical pain, disability, cancer helps us to value what ever we have left, it gives us a new way to look at life. Only being touched by cancer can we see this way of looking at the world. Because without cancer I would not have the sensitivity towards people I have now, and the tanasity to turn away from negativity. Each minute becomes more precious than before and there is no room in it to be wasted around anyone that has an inability to look at the positives that life has to offer.

Enjoy today, it’s a great day.

Fonz

Things I want to happen in 2016.

03 Sunday Jan 2016

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Christmas, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

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Some may have put, things they don’t want to happen this year, but I prefer to have a positive spin on things. There are lots of things I want to happen but I guess the no 1 I need to put last. The opposite to what you would expect in the hope that you read the whole blog 😆.

So in no particular order apart from my no1 which will be last.

I Want to be a 34 ” waist I keep kidding myself I am a 36″ but all my jeans are stretching, as I have to breath in to put them on.
To get out in Trevor more this year.
To write better than ever before.
To get 200 followers on my WordPress account.
To help more people in 2016 than I did in 2015.
To do the jobs I said I would do in 2015 in 2016.
To pick up my nephew Zac from school just once in Trevor.
To fulfil an ambition (I will blog about that when it happens)
To not voice my disappointments, but accept its not my problem to deal with.
To put my wife before anyone else ALL year. ( I believe I do that every year) nothing wrong with a bit of consistency.
To complete my 365 day blog challenge. I have completed 249 so far.
To get 1000 a day average view ( maybe unattainable ) I am not that good yet.
To encourage more people in their own blogging experience.

Lastly to remain cancer free!

I do not want cancer in my life at all from now on, but it does take effort to eat well and not binge on anything, like sweet things, pop, chocolate, ect. Eating well takes effort and Percy verance . Staying away from processed foods makes a huge difference to. Some processed foods for example – farmed salmon have canceragenic Properties. It’s a huge subject and one I want to learn more about this year.

Have you written down some goals for this year? Thanks to all of you that read and share with out you my blogs would be just read by friends and family. Thank you.

Have a great week, see this Monday as a new start and a new opportunity. NOT the Monday feeling of the holiday is over.

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
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Tony Heart, gone.

03 Sunday Jan 2016

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Christmas, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

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How many times did I watch Tony heart, he was one of life’s inspirers. He encouraged children to do works of art, I will never forget what you gave us and me Tony. Wow such a loss.. I will not forget you. This happened in 2009 but I love to remember people. I figure by blogging it’s there forever.

A BBC link with the details

I love to make small tributes to people’s lives that have affected our now. Now morph did not affect it, but he did and has made me laugh many times I wonder what you remember?

Just some reminders of a great British programme.

RIP Tony Hart

Fonz

https://www.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536/

Rejection.

03 Sunday Jan 2016

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Christmas, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 14 Comments

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achieve, affair, age, animal, attitude, avec, awareness, baby, banned, because, believer, Bellamy, best, birthday, black, blood, bone, BONE MARROW TRANSPLANT, can, cancer, chemotheropy, Christian, Christmas, Christmaseve, Cole, Compassion, courage, cricket, cruise, CS, dad, David, dead, death, Depressed, depression, desire, destiny, diagnosis, did, Do, does, Edmonds, encouragement, energy, England, Eve, expect, Experience, facebook, faith, falling, Families, family, floating, foundations, friends, gift, gifts, given, GOD, Good, Goodness, great, greatness, guilt, Hannah, hansolo, happiness, happy, hard, healing, health, help, Hodgkins, hope, hospital, Jewish, jobs, Johnny, know, last day, Leicester, life, lire, live, lived, Liverpool, London, longevity, Lord'sPrayer, love, loved, Low, machine, marks, marrow, MDU, meal, meaning, memories, memory, Monkey, Morris, motivation, mum, muscle, Muslim, Natalie Cole, Natking, neurology, neutrapeenic, new year, Noel, not, of, oncology, one, one day, onedirection, Paddington, Paris, partner, passion, Peace, people, persevere, precious, Presence, R2D2, raise, real, reality, recover, regret, Rejected, Rejection, relentless, Remember, rises, Samaritan, SENSATION, Sharing, shortbread, silverback, somebody, southport, Spirituality, square, stage, star, stats, Stemcell, Steve, StevenHawkins, StMichael, stories, strength, struggle, survived, survivor, swopshop, taught, teach, tennis, Thames, thankyou, there, time, today, together, Tohetehr, transplant, Transplanted, travel, tree, true, tvr, twitter, unite, unity, wars, WE, weakness, wealth, wealthy, what, white, who you are, will, win, Wordpress, working, Writing, yang, year, yes, yin, you, yourself

Did you know this is a kind of bullying, even a form of abuse. Many people reject someone because of the way they look, maybe because they have some kind of desease. During my cancer journey I have been rejected by so many people that do not understand cancer. We have all felt it in our lives, we know what it’s like to not be liked by the kid on the street, or the work colleague that excludes you. I guess people reject anything or anyone that is not the same as them.

I used to get very scared as a young boy, because when I was bullied I would get into trouble at home as well. Because more often than not I would get my coat stolen or bleed on a new shirt. I without doubt suffered rejection allot in my life, especially by the bullies on the bus. I have chosen to show love to all people and smile at and with people, I have chosen a path where I don’t judge everyone I meet, I choose to love everyone I meet. People want to bury their heads in the sand and pretend it’s not happened or happening. Well sorry for those that want a quiet life and for the truth to be unspoken, or just not speak of it. I have many things I wish to speak about, from now on I will, I won’t keep my thoughts under lock and key anymore. The world will know the truth and that truth shall set me free.

I have learned how to love, because I have been shown what true love is, it’s consistency, acceptance, and putting the other person first ALWAYS.

It’s 1 Corinthians 13
1 Corinthians 13New International Version (NIV) While I hope to be some of 1 Corinthians every day, I do know I am not perfect. But do my best every day.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails.

It’s my wife that has taught me what consistency is, what home is. For the first time in my life as an adult I know what home feels like. The time before that I was 4,5,6 yrs old when we lived in Brighton now it’s in southport. I have lived here for nearly 6 years and even though I have fought off the beast called cancer whilst living here. It still feels like home. That feeling when you put the log fire on and settle down with our dog by my side and my wife with me, along with the cat stretched out in front of the fire. My home is not just a place to live, it’s a place where I feel welcome, loved and wanted by all the people that live here. That’s after all my safe place, a place where we don’t hurt each other, a place where we feel warm secure and needed. No feeling of rejection will anyone feel in our home, because our home is a place of safety.

Rejection in cancer exsists in everyone’s journey I am finding out, it’s sad that people cut other’s off or alienate them because they are not well . It’s not just people with cancer either, it’s people that are misunderstood. People facing a situation that quite frankly the person who does not understand it does not even bother to find out about it.

If that’s you and you need support there is a group of people that have had similar experiences called cancer stories

You will be welcomed there, people who have had similar exsperiences and can empathise with you. So know your not alone, it’s common place in cancer but there is love and support out there from people that understand what you are feeling and experience. People there have been where you are and will do what we can for you.

Have a good day

Fonz

Stats and wordpress! Because of you….

02 Saturday Jan 2016

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Christmas, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

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achieve, affair, age, animal, attitude, avec, awareness, baby, banned, because, believer, Bellamy, best, birthday, black, blood, bone, BONE MARROW TRANSPLANT, can, cancer, chemotheropy, Christian, Christmas, Christmaseve, Cole, Compassion, courage, cricket, cruise, CS, dad, David, dead, death, Depressed, depression, desire, destiny, diagnosis, did, Do, does, Edmonds, encouragement, energy, England, Eve, expect, Experience, facebook, faith, falling, Families, family, floating, foundations, friends, gift, gifts, given, GOD, Good, Goodness, great, greatness, guilt, Hannah, hansolo, happiness, happy, hard, healing, health, help, Hodgkins, hope, hospital, Jewish, jobs, Johnny, know, last day, Leicester, life, lire, live, lived, Liverpool, London, longevity, Lord'sPrayer, love, loved, Low, machine, marks, marrow, MDU, meal, meaning, memories, memory, Monkey, Morris, motivation, mum, muscle, Muslim, Natalie Cole, Natking, neurology, neutrapeenic, new year, Noel, not, of, oncology, one, one day, onedirection, Paddington, Paris, partner, passion, Peace, people, persevere, precious, Presence, R2D2, raise, real, reality, recover, regret, relentless, Remember, rises, Samaritan, SENSATION, Sharing, shortbread, silverback, somebody, southport, Spirituality, square, stage, star, stats, Stemcell, Steve, StevenHawkins, StMichael, stories, strength, struggle, survived, survivor, swopshop, taught, teach, tennis, Thames, thankyou, there, time, today, together, Tohetehr, transplant, Transplanted, travel, tree, true, tvr, twitter, unite, unity, wars, WE, weakness, wealth, wealthy, what, white, who you are, will, win, Wordpress, working, Writing, yang, year, yes, yin, you, yourself

Wow this week has been amazing! It’s now Saturday my worst day in stats on wordpress is always a Saturday. But yesterday, New Year’s Day. Broke more records than Elton John. I had more likes yesterday than any other day, more followers follow my blog than any other day and my blog had been read by more people than ever before. As you can imagine I was really chuffed, I was chuffed for a couple of reasons. My main reason though was that more people were obviously interested in my writings therefore more people were being encouraged by the hell I had been through. Meaning my consistency in blogging was and is worth it.

As you can see from the picture 467 ain’t bad for a new blogger right? Or am I wrong, am I still not doing so good? The feeling is good that I have I mean in the same week there was a day with 967 views I mean that’s nearly a thousand. More than all the pupils that went to my high school!

There are my stats for the week last night. So what’s the point of today’s blog. Well it’s to thank all of you for reading and making New Year’s Day a special day for me in 2016 it’s a great start. So thank you! I was getting dispondent that is until yesterday when I also met another blogger called hugsandblessings she encouraged me and it was then that I realised, you need me like I need you. That you need me to help others read your blog, and I need you for the same reason. I know it’s obvious but it was like a eureka moment. God bless you all.

Lastly to all of you that are dispondent like I was, seeing my weekly stats dwindle week on week. If you help others by telling others about someone else they will help you out naturally. Have a healthy new year everyone, I am hopefully going to enjoy a cancer free year. Now that’s worth fighting for.

Have a great weekend

Fonz

Natalie Cole Dead.

01 Friday Jan 2016

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Christmas, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 12 Comments

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achieve, affair, age, animal, attitude, avec, awareness, baby, banned, because, believer, Bellamy, best, birthday, black, blood, bone, BONE MARROW TRANSPLANT, can, cancer, chemotheropy, Christian, Christmas, Christmaseve, Cole, Compassion, courage, cricket, cruise, CS, dad, David, dead, death, Depressed, depression, desire, destiny, diagnosis, did, Do, does, Edmonds, encouragement, energy, England, Eve, expect, Experience, facebook, faith, falling, Families, family, floating, foundations, friends, gift, gifts, given, GOD, Good, Goodness, great, greatness, guilt, Hannah, hansolo, happiness, happy, hard, healing, health, help, Hodgkins, hope, hospital, Jewish, jobs, Johnny, know, last day, Leicester, life, lire, live, lived, Liverpool, London, longevity, Lord'sPrayer, love, loved, Low, machine, marks, marrow, MDU, meal, meaning, memories, memory, Monkey, Morris, motivation, mum, muscle, Muslim, Natalie Cole, Natking, neurology, neutrapeenic, new year, Noel, not, of, oncology, one, one day, onedirection, Paddington, Paris, partner, passion, Peace, people, persevere, precious, Presence, R2D2, raise, real, reality, recover, regret, relentless, Remember, rises, Samaritan, SENSATION, Sharing, shortbread, silverback, somebody, southport, Spirituality, square, stage, star, Stemcell, Steve, StevenHawkins, StMichael, stories, strength, struggle, survived, survivor, swopshop, taught, teach, tennis, Thames, thankyou, there, time, today, together, Tohetehr, transplant, Transplanted, travel, tree, true, tvr, twitter, unite, unity, wars, WE, weakness, wealth, wealthy, what, white, who you are, will, win, working, Writing, yang, year, yes, yin, you, yourself

It so sad that this has to happen to each and everyone of us, Natalie Cole dieing. Whilst sad, exstemly sad. She has without doubt left behind a legacy encouraged by her dad, Nat King Cole.

So now it’s time for us to miss you like crazy Natalie. Thanks so much for the legacy you have left, you will never be forgotten.

This lady was part of my childhood, and of so many more around the world. No amount of money can stop the enevitable, it just makes me so much more than ever before want to make a differance in the short life that I have.

Natalie you are truly unforgettable.

65 is no age at all, way to young.

Make the most of your life

Fonz

What’s holding you back.

01 Friday Jan 2016

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Christmas, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 3 Comments

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achieve, affair, age, animal, attitude, avec, awareness, baby, banned, because, believer, Bellamy, best, birthday, black, blood, bone, BONE MARROW TRANSPLANT, can, cancer, chemotheropy, Christian, Christmas, Christmaseve, Compassion, courage, cricket, cruise, CS, dad, David, dead, death, Depressed, depression, desire, destiny, diagnosis, did, Do, does, Edmonds, encouragement, energy, England, Eve, expect, Experience, facebook, faith, falling, Families, family, floating, foundations, friends, gift, gifts, given, GOD, Good, Goodness, great, greatness, guilt, Hannah, hansolo, happiness, happy, hard, healing, health, help, Hodgkins, hope, hospital, Jewish, jobs, Johnny, know, last day, Leicester, life, lire, live, lived, Liverpool, London, longevity, Lord'sPrayer, love, loved, Low, machine, marks, marrow, MDU, meal, meaning, memories, memory, Monkey, Morris, motivation, mum, muscle, Muslim, neurology, neutrapeenic, new year, Noel, not, of, oncology, one, one day, onedirection, Paddington, Paris, partner, passion, Peace, people, persevere, precious, Presence, R2D2, raise, real, reality, recover, regret, relentless, Remember, rises, Samaritan, SENSATION, Sharing, shortbread, silverback, somebody, southport, Spirituality, square, stage, star, Stemcell, Steve, StevenHawkins, StMichael, stories, strength, struggle, survived, survivor, swopshop, taught, teach, tennis, Thames, thankyou, there, time, today, together, Tohetehr, transplant, Transplanted, travel, tree, true, tvr, twitter, unite, unity, wars, WE, weakness, wealth, wealthy, what, white, who you are, will, win, working, Writing, yang, year, yes, yin, you, yourself

Who has the right to stop you from being who you are, no one. I myself pride myself on being the person that says yes to my wife, the person that encourages her to achieve her goals. That’s why she drives the car she does, that’s why she has the opportunities she does. I have no right to stop her being who she is, no one has the right to stop you either. I read a blog today, in the blog she spoke about. If you want a burger have it, I agree. We only get one chance at this life so be who you are, don’t dress yourself up with all the pretentious shite people seem to want to do these days. I refuse to be in a place where there are people, that expect of me in a certain way.

What of that? Does that make me selfish, or does that make me an individual. So many people follow each other’s example, mimicking them almost. Why is it then that a Billionaire wants to have something no one in the world has. Well I think it’s because they can afford to. I want to be the person I am from now on, why? Because I have fought for these days and there is nowhere, no place for people to attempt, to Mold me into something I am not. In this life and in this year. Are you going to follow the masses, or are you going to be the person you want to be.
You see by “fitting in” some people call it, you are effectively pleasing those around you and not yourself. My wife is an individual, I don’t own her I am not her boss. But what I am is someone who encourages her to be the person she feels comfortable with.

The only change you need to make in 2016 is to be TRUE to yourself. Those that want me to fit in are in for a shock because it’s not what I will be doing with my life from now on. I will be being myself and I will be unconcerned what others opinions are. At the same time being interested to hear what someone’s thoughts on a subject are. Cancer has gone, I am here.

So happy new year, and let’s see the true you.

Enjoy being yourself

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536

Remember this.

31 Thursday Dec 2015

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Christmas, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

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achieve, affair, age, animal, attitude, avec, awareness, baby, banned, because, believer, Bellamy, best, birthday, black, blood, bone, BONE MARROW TRANSPLANT, can, cancer, chemotheropy, Christian, Christmas, Christmaseve, Compassion, courage, cricket, cruise, CS, dad, David, dead, death, Depressed, depression, desire, destiny, diagnosis, did, Do, does, Edmonds, encouragement, energy, England, Eve, expect, Experience, facebook, faith, falling, Families, family, floating, foundations, friends, gift, gifts, given, GOD, Good, Goodness, great, greatness, guilt, Hannah, hansolo, happiness, happy, hard, healing, health, help, Hodgkins, hope, hospital, Jewish, jobs, Johnny, know, last day, Leicester, life, lire, live, lived, Liverpool, London, longevity, Lord'sPrayer, love, loved, Low, machine, marks, marrow, MDU, meal, meaning, memories, memory, Monkey, Morris, motivation, mum, muscle, Muslim, neurology, neutrapeenic, new year, Noel, not, of, oncology, one, one day, onedirection, Paddington, Paris, partner, passion, Peace, people, persevere, precious, Presence, R2D2, raise, real, reality, recover, regret, relentless, Remember, rises, Samaritan, SENSATION, Sharing, shortbread, silverback, somebody, southport, Spirituality, square, stage, star, Stemcell, Steve, StevenHawkins, StMichael, stories, strength, struggle, survived, survivor, swopshop, taught, teach, tennis, Thames, thankyou, there, time, today, together, Tohetehr, transplant, Transplanted, travel, tree, true, tvr, twitter, unite, unity, wars, WE, weakness, wealth, wealthy, what, white, will, win, working, Writing, yang, year, yes, yin, you, yourself

One day, you know a day that we are living as if it’s our last. One day at least we will be right.

Oh how I want to be so wrong every day.

Happy new year

Fonz

2015 review.

31 Thursday Dec 2015

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Christmas, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Relationships, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 2 Comments

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achieve, affair, age, animal, attitude, avec, awareness, baby, banned, because, believer, Bellamy, best, birthday, black, blood, bone, BONE MARROW TRANSPLANT, can, cancer, chemotheropy, Christian, Christmas, Christmaseve, Compassion, courage, cricket, cruise, CS, dad, David, dead, death, Depressed, depression, desire, destiny, diagnosis, did, Do, does, Edmonds, encouragement, energy, England, Eve, expect, Experience, facebook, faith, falling, Families, family, floating, foundations, friends, gift, gifts, given, GOD, Good, Goodness, great, greatness, guilt, Hannah, hansolo, happiness, happy, hard, healing, health, help, Hodgkins, hope, hospital, Jewish, jobs, Johnny, know, Leicester, life, lire, live, lived, Liverpool, London, longevity, Lord'sPrayer, love, loved, Low, machine, marks, marrow, MDU, meal, meaning, memories, memory, Monkey, Morris, motivation, mum, muscle, Muslim, neurology, neutrapeenic, new year, Noel, not, of, oncology, one, onedirection, Paddington, Paris, partner, passion, Peace, people, persevere, precious, Presence, R2D2, raise, real, reality, recover, regret, relentless, Remember, rises, Samaritan, SENSATION, Sharing, shortbread, silverback, somebody, southport, Spirituality, square, stage, star, Stemcell, Steve, StevenHawkins, StMichael, stories, strength, struggle, survived, survivor, swopshop, taught, teach, tennis, Thames, thankyou, there, time, today, together, Tohetehr, transplant, Transplanted, travel, tree, true, tvr, twitter, unite, unity, wars, WE, weakness, wealth, wealthy, what, white, will, win, working, Writing, yang, year, yes, yin, you, yourself

2015 review, wow where do I start. Well I guess that would be 1st January 2015 but that’s not where the year began for me I began on the lads holiday 2014. When I felt a lump in my neck and knew I had to mention it to my consultant on my appointment 2 days after landing back in the uk. That led to an operation then ICE chemotherapy each cycle done over a 3 day period, in Feb, March and April then Beam chemo in isolation for 6 days and nights in May. completing 30 full days of chemotherapy in 5 years.

Just to explain a little what it took for the transplant, for those who know nothing of what’s required. Stem cell harvest wes allot of fun having a canular in one arm and a 1.5 mm needle in the other whilst they took my blood out harvested it in a machine, then put it back in my body. The whole process lasts about 5 hours repeated on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday until I had 4 million cells were collected.

I remember on one particular day, a gentleman sat opposite, he has a hicc an line in so the needle was not required. You can’t move at all for the 5 hours, and watching his son eat a Burger King did make me salavate some what and get food envy.

The transplant itself lasted 3 weeks laid in a bed in a room 15 ft X 12 ft. With only a tv and an I pad for company. The nurses who I can’t name made the Experience more bearable, I can’t name the staff at the Royal Liverpool but they are an amazing team as are the team in the MDU at southport. Without a doubt our local GP Dr Hindle played a huge part in saving my life.
It was also the start of the first complete year for the group made possible by its 210 members. A group that not only has helped people along the way. It has helped people to help themselves to save their own lives. Needing the very people I had set out to help whilst on a new cancer journey again. You see I was in remission when I set up cancer stories, and although I felt I was not in remission, I hoped it would not return. It did.
Whilst the group has encouraged many, it has also seen much sadness spare a moment as we think of those that have left us.
Noel Smalley

Rita Hodgeon

Becca Parkes

James D peace
There are others that have passed but I am not permitted to speak of them in public.
Sadly missed but not forgotten

It was a year where I strove to get on my lads holiday in Turkey, seeing it as my goal to achieve. I lasted 2 days and came home to find that 24 hours later the hotel was swamped by water. Not a place for someone 100 days out of bone marrow transplant. My friends made the best of what they had, 8 days later going to Mexico with my wife, where we would meet friends for life and enjoy some of the best weather they had seen at that time of year.

Mexico was to end up being our true celebration, not only to have an end to all that treatment, but to finally be declared cancer free once more. The word cured was even used. We celebrated our anniversary 5 years married to my amazing wife, who has been by my side all the way through all my cancer Experience, I can’t bring 2015 to an end with out mentioning someone else. Rachel Brown for allowing Andie to have her time by my side in hospital whilst having my bone marrow transplant.

Finally knowing I have another day each morning is an amazing feeling and as a consequence I never want to waste a moment of it unhappy. We also celebrated Andie turning 40, and hope to make a special announcement soon regarding Andies Carrea.

Outside of my personal experiences and support from family and friends. I want to say thank you to all those at cancer stories there are to many to list, but you all know who you are that reach out to other people sharing your journeys with others encouraging and enthusing people to get themselves into remission. Thank God for hospitals and people that dedicate their lives so we may have life, that we may continue to breath and encourage other people where they are at.
Wasn’t it amazing that 15 people that had never met were able to enjoy a meal together, almost being kicked out after 4 hrs 45 mins of constant chat without a break. A complete privilege. Bless you each and every one.

I have hope in my heart and faith that many of you will improve in 2016, I hope with a hopeful heart that you will know words like remission and cure in between the scans and sunshine, rainy and cloudy days.
Thank you to all of you that have supported us, well it’s time to look forwards now. To buy gym memberships that we will use twice, give up fatty foods for a 2 day diet before we get over our guilt trips and live normally again. Start walking to the shops, until we remember having a car was easier.
Have a great 2016 and all the best
Fonz

Why I share my storey.

15 Tuesday Sep 2015

Posted by fonzandcancer in Uncategorized

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

battle, cancer, chemo, chemotheropy, giving, hope, lost, love, war, winning., won

Morning, how are you today? It’s a funny old place to find yourself, having a storey to tell. My mind is full of gratitude for the NHS. My heart is full of gratefulness to have beaten cancer again, I feel a love towards others fighting. My heart is to help other people get checked out and hope they get into remission as well. Everyone that has faced cancer, are some of the bravest people on earth. Pioneers emerge like “Steve Prescott” Although Steve lost his life after the pioneering surgery, his name will live on because he was willing to put himself under the knife, in turn paving the way for others lives to be saved. I love hearing about people like that, people that have a giving heart. I was getting a take away yesterday, and the LEP was there on the counter. With our storey in it, the man said to me “that’s you isn’t it” “how much you get for doing that” he said.

It was like someone had stuck a pin in me, I did not even think of making money out of the article. Only that I hoped a life would be saved. That’s all I want, for others to exceed the life expectancy by stepping forwards, fighting and winning. No one but the cancer sufferer knows how hard cancer is, and like my dear friend at the Indian said ” I didn’t know what chemo was until my dad had it” it’s time for unity. Time for us all to pull together no matter what our religious beliefs. It’s time to stand together, to work together to help more people choose to beat cancer.

It is a choice after all, after diagnosis the person chooses to take what life is left for them or to have the gruling treatment. Obviously I chose to be treated and WON, I am not in persute of financial gain. Just the look on a persons face that says “I won” you see when you have won many battles to eventually win the WAR. It consumes you, it energises you to want that for others. I want to encourage you today, what ever your facing. That you have what you have, so use it to benefit someone else. Give without wanting anything in return. You will be blessed but maybe not with a new Ferrari. Maybe it’s life with out cancer will be your gift, you won’t find out unless you stretch out your arm to help someone else.

Of course there will always be that person that thinks about how much. But remember that’s how that persons brain works, we learn to be compassionate. Then we choose to be compassionate or not, allot of people are driven by money. I was guilty of it to before I realised that no matter what life is the most precious gift of all. What will you do with yours?

Giving is such a selfless thing to do.

Have a great day

Mark

Picc line Removed.

08 Friday May 2015

Posted by fonzandcancer in Uncategorized

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aim, belief, bone marrow, breast, cancer, cars, chemo, chemotheropy, cure, desire, determination, doctor, facebook, family, fonz, football, games, given, goal, GOD, grateful, happy, healed, holiday, hospital, lost, love, mobility, motivation, nurse, painful, prayer, real, reality, rescued, sales, skin, strength, taken, tennis, transplant, treatment, ward, world

chemotheropy with a picc line is a great way to have it administered. It’s a small tube placed in your arm into a vien going to a main archery near your heart. Mine was 35 cm long. I had mine fitted in January to have my ICE chemo. It’s a real pain having it as it protrudes from your body and it’s uncomfortable sometimes. That line became my friend, because with it in there are no more injections to take your blood.

Well today was the day I had to say goodbye to that friend, but it also signified that I would not be having treatment at southport anymore. It was a little emotional saying Thankyou to all my day care nurses at southport oncology. But somehow a relief that we had completed the journey with no hick ups. This will take me to a small space in royal Liverpool hospital for 4 weeks where I will have to have my transplant. I can see light at the end of the tunnel now. That day I dream of is coming nearer.

You can find details of my journey on

https://www.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536/
A 7 year fight all because of a lump. Still I stand, time to dig in once again next week and see off this Cancer once and for all..

Fonz