Morning, today is a strange day, because it’s 6 days before my appointment with the consultant. But of course me being me, I have called the consultant asking him to relay what the scan results are before that time. Considering it takes 2 days for the scan to be reported, it’s surely there by now. I have a knot in my tummy and am almost paranoid about what will be. I can only relate it to a boxing match, as the rocky storey remains a source of strength to me. I still watch and gain huge strength from the storey and it gives me the strength to believe, to believe that the battle is won.
What I feel I guess is fear of the unknown, but I have faith that all the prayers people have sent for me have been heard and answered. I have to believe that I won’t have to have chemo again, have faith that I have done all that I can to survive. The journey has been relentless, it’s been tiring. As I lie here, I am thinking about how my wife must be feeling how my parents must feel, how my friends must be feeling, The people on Cancer stories. So many people are involved, because so many care. There are real compassionate people out there, people I will think fondly of till my last breath.
So where is my positive today, truth is I don’t know. I just have no idea how or what I should be thinking, I just have to be patient. Unfortunately it’s not the the person I am, I am a doer. A person that makes things happen, not the hot air type.
I want you all to know I have done everything I have been asked to do. It’s just a waiting game today, but then maybe the call won’t come at all today. My mind needs focus, needs the answer so I know how the path before me is laid out. All these feelings I have of, trust, faith, belief etc are all in a huge pot with other emotions like fear, hope, anticipation, and love for all the people that have helped me on my way. All the things people have done for me whilst on this journey. It seems appropriate to say thank you to you all, new friends have been made. Connections all over the globe, it’s amazing the positive things that have happened as well as all of the fighting there has been some good come out of having cancer to. I am thank ful for that. So I thankyou all for your input, I thank you all for being there for me on my journey.
Even though I have all these mixed feelings today, I still feel this overwhelming passion to help others. It’s just in me, and believe that I have been on this journey for a reason. I believe there is a purpose in all of this somehow. It’s the not knowing that’s worse than knowing what you are faced with sometimes. I hope you are having a good day, I will put a blog up as soon as I hear anything.
Have a great day
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Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.