Today’s not a day I want to repeat, the feelings of giving up and jumping off the planet are all consuming. No one can see in our heads and if there was a door I would say. Please don’t open it. My mental health it has to be said is not right, the list is long as to why. But I guess it’s normal for people, and I won’t be the first to feel like life’s not worth it. Thank God for my dogs that follow me absolutely everywhere. Accepted without judgement. There are things going on in my life and finding a lump in my body has just messed with my Melon. I am struggling really badly right now. The sun is shining, yet all I can see is darkness and negativity.
Normally my blog posts are to encourage others, but today I am weak. Feeling low in worth and feel like jumping. I am holding on but only just, is there anyone out there with experience. That they have been where I am maybe.
I guess it’s all normal, but I don’t like it and I don’t like life either. I feel like I am on a raft in the middle of the sea and all I can see is a storm. Pain is a constant and while I have made in roads to be a good influence on others right now I could happily just leave the planet with no regrets.
I feel worthless right now, almost like I am in the way of others. I have become depressed with the constant stabbing pain. I can’t escape it’s there always. When I go to sleep, in my dreams and when I wake. It’s like I have been buried in pain and it grinds away your happiness.
Why would someone who has fought so hard to live end up with a want to die? Only driving in my TVR does the pain disappear. You can’t do that all the time.
Maybe I have written how I feel just for me,
but it’s here for the world to see.
How long will it be for me,
To live a life with warmth and know no pain.
It’s my 50th yr and it does not even feel like it’s something to celebrate. How strange after such a long fight. Then the thoughts of what I have found, what is it. Please not again, surly not again.
So is it possible, to change how we feel inside. Is not how we feel relative to our souroundings, is not how we respond relative to what we think and say things will be. Today I want to help you. Someone said to me the other day, that our family has mental health issues. I laughed inside, because I realised at that moment that the persons point of view was indeed right. That her family did have mental health issues, but then as I thought on the sentence and considered it. I realised that the sentence was relative to that persons experience and it was up to me to accept it as relavance in my life or to change what is relavant to us in our lives.
How many times have you said “oh no not such and such again” or “we have to go again” things we do and say in our lives are relative to our surroundings. So whose responsible for these surroundings, the people that suggest the relevancy in our lives. The throw away sentence of “there is mental health in our family” was a statement believed by that person. See my relavancy is this. We have strong people in our family. The two refer to the same thing, but we are taking from it what we deem to be relavant in our own lives. WE (Me and my wife) do our best to turn seemingly negative situations around. That’s why I write. One song we listen to a lot is
We listened to it a lot when I was having treatment, and we still desire to have the relavance of faith in our lives. I tell my wife often how much I appreciate her, and that there is power in we. I personally believe that forgiveness is one of the most poswerful tools in the world and without it people can’t move on. It’s not possible to find a relavancy that’s stronger than the negativity that surrounds other sentences feeling s and actions. People have said to me “I am depressed” “there is depression in our family” well your right. Because that’s the relavancy you have chosen to adopt in your life. I prefer “We are surounded by fighters”
Who you are in life depends on your own personal relavancy to situations, you choose to include in your life what ever you believe to be relative to you. One thing I do know and that is I prefer things and people that smile and speak positively. I find people like that relative to how I want to live my life. Now that’s not to say that your not supposed to feel grief, that your not supposed to get sad. Of course you are, again that’s relative to your own situation. If you have just watched someone fight cancer and die, your relavancy would be different to someone that had gotten a disease and chosen to give up to it and die. Trust me the two are the same in that they both involve the person dying. But the relavancy in the two situations are very different.
LIFE in most situations is up to us, but the relavancy we choose is for sure 100% up to us. What we choose to be relavant to is in a situation is for sure our choice. What others say is their choice.
My challenge to you is this, can you find relavancy in your situation that helps you today?
Ps, I have committed to doing this for 365 days every morning, what I ask of you is that you share these blogs I make on email, facebook twitter, you can affect people by pressing a button. Please do that. I asked ppl to share yesterday 18/05/2015 at 8pm they did and 100 people saw my blogs in 2 hours. It only takes a click or two.
Our support group on our FB
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. I
Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone
else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
Living on this planet, I find every day is a school day. I am always learning about life and my opinions, are not just changing but becoming more accepting of the world. You see I was brought up to believe so many things are wrong and so many things are right. This is not how I live today, because what ever it is I believe people may not agree with. What right do I have as a person to disagree with the way someone lives a life. Who says it’s wrong really? The snow falls at certain times of year, is that wrong? The sun shines and the planet thrives on the gift of life the sun brings, the water feeds plants and the world Carrys on. The world just is, this planet is amazing and as my dear friend says. The world works in harmony, if we like it or not it just is.
The question people ask is “is there a God”? Well what ever your opinion on the subject, you are what you are. Your life is for a reason and all that you do has some effect on the planet we belong to. What we do makes ripples and we will never know just how much effect what we do, does or does not for other people. It’s a very peaceful place to find yourself in, to realise that the world just is. Your perceptions to things change, they become more meaningful. Yet they also become effective by just letting people be who they are. People I have been around all of my life have judged others and had opinions on how those people should be. Well here are my thoughts.
The more we as people worry about what others do, the more unhappy our lives will be. I wrote a blog called the garbage truck. I talked about how people that are concerned with what others do or do not do keep loading the rubbish of others into the truck that is ourselves. Loading ourselves up with other people’s issues that are no concern of ours at all. I had a friend once that used to come to my house and constantly tell me how otherpeoples actions offended him. Yet he could have just accepted who they were and had a peaceful way of life.
Nearly losing my life has taught me that I have a lot to offer this planet, but if others don’t think that’s not the case why should I worry about that. It is after all an opinion of another. It’s ok isn’t it, or is your opinion of mine differ from that which I think. That’s ok, the trees grow, the birds sing, people get ill, people get better, people don’t. It’s all ‘just is’ we can get annoyed, upset anything we like but that’s our ‘just is’ I have had much time to contemplate losing the ability to be able to give my wife children naturally. It’s been a very upsetting process for me to come to this point in my understanding of life. That it just is and no amount of upset can change my world in this.
For me it’s amazing to be able to live, maybe IVF will work and we will have a miracle but together me and Andie will just relax in our ‘just is’ it’s far better to accept the lot we have been given and to focus on what we can do, not what we can’t. To accept the world as it is, rather than to wish it was different. As I have written this blog, I have found things that were bothering me disappearing. Because it’s about our perception of what is and is not that makes all the difference. The world is your playground, it’s not a place with continued problems it’s only our perception of what is that makes your world a better place to be. So from now on I will be learning to accept what is, not wish to change what I think is not. As my friend says.
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
A period in life I would rather forget right?
Wrong, it makes me appreciate what I have now.This is a PICC line and how I was given Chemo for something called ICE. This makes you projectile vomit as soon as it enters your body.
View could be worse hey.
That’s my Wife Andie xxxx
That’s my line being flushed, no matter what this has to happen every week!
HICCMAN line, given to people having the most effective drugs and most danderous. The end of the line enters a wide vien near the heart to lower the risk of amputation. If the drugs (some) touch your skin it can eat your flesh. That’s why I looked like this when I had Chemo.
Just to have my life 8 teeth were removed from my mouth. So next time you see someone with teeth missing, maybe wonder why they ate missing.
You want to know what incredible is.
That would be beating cancer, or anything else that has questioned your mortality!
But I did it, to give you hope!
I know what it feels like when you look like this.
But now know what it feels like when you do this!
You got this.
Fonz
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
U can be who you want to be, that’s what I tell my wife. Some words I may have said before but I know that what I write now will help someone today or sometime in the future. I have not been here for a while, I apologise. I have been helping my good friend to errect my conservatory. I have spoken before in my last post about impossible, that the only part of impossible that stops it big possible is the I’m in the word. Is not the only person that matters holding your past against you. Is, erm you? Is it not you that’s giving you a hard time maybe feeling guilty for your past, something you did or did not do? One thing I do know is that what someone else’s opinion is is both nothing to do with you, and nothing to do with them. Let go what someone else thinks about you, what you are is in your hands and your past does NOT define your future.
Your future starts in the next hour, the next afternoon. But always today, your future does not start tomorrow. You are the one that chooses who you are. You also chose what you were, but that’s not a part of your future , only if you want it to be. Your past is in your hands, it’s up to you yo hold on to it or let it go. It’s up to you to let your past mood you and benifit your future. No one is to blame for your future, only you. Don’t start yo tell me yes but such and such and this and that, you choose what happens next. You really do, don’t be a head hanger. Hold your head up high and keep moving forwards, keep believing in yourself and keep doing.
Believe me I could show you pictures of me that say I want to give up, I could tell you stories of how cancer has made me want to check out, how I have thought badly of myself because of who I was and what I did. Trouble with that is that people will believe what ever it is you believe of yourself and there are plenty of people willing to be negative about you out there so why actually be one yourself. Be good to you, say good things about you. Above all do good to others every day of your life, that’s really important. Use your life, don’t regret your life.
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own.
It’s a funny old life, sometimes I am in awe of what this life has given me, other times I find my mortal self complaining of what is after all. Insignificant. Again my dear dear friend Rob shows me something on a day where I needed to be reminded. Reminded that it’s up to us what we look for in this world, I have learnt so much in this past year, and one of the most important things I have learnt is that the moment you are in right now, what you see right now. Will only ever be that way today. I have said many times, in life there is only one day. Today. That is the only gift we are given. Today.
I will share the link my friend shared with me, I was told today that it’s ridiculous that dogs see oras or even that they may exsist. I am sure that the bible speaks of a light, the light that shines though Jesus. Would that not be conceived as an ora? Well I just know that animals love me, I know that it’s about seeing the good in life and seeing you glass half full, not half empty. Today is a sad day for my family as my dads cousin died. RIP Bill. He was my second cousin, Bill was a nice man a man that was concidered and gentle and kind. I am sure in his life he reflected often on times that were of true whole hearted enjoyment. Bill was a man that loved what he was able to see and accepted what that was. Content I would say, my heart and prayers go out to Bill tonight and Val his wife and the family as a whole. It’s so sad to see a life end, yet for me I see it as an opportunity to reflect and appreciate what was.
I won’t pretend to know Bill well because I didn’t. That opertunity is now past, but I will always remember with fondness sharing time with Bill and Val on our cruise around the Mediterranean. I pray Bills family are comforted at this sad time, but are also able to laugh and enjoy the memories they shared with Bill.
You see life’s hard, or it can just be a moment in the universe connected to all the other moments that everyone else is enjoying. Because if you can read this, you have a life and have been given the most precious gift of all. Life today, treasure what you have and also (as my friend would say) what you don’t have also. Because for me NOT having cancer and having a today is but one of the greatest gifts of all. You know I was able to drive to my mum and dads today, I hugged my dad till a tear rolled down my cheek. Why because today, my dad lost his cousin and he needed his son. So I hope I was a blessing to my mum and my dad today. As I hope you used the life you have today to be a blessing somewhere. Here is the link Rob my dear friend shared with me and I share with you today. It’s not to late to be a blessing.
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own.
Maybe this post should have just remained locked away, maybe I should never have even written this. But I did, and I will not write like my mum and not share it. I will say it to the world, so that its there for eternity for you all to read. Cancer when it’s come in and screwed with your life leaves you with a part of what you were. I said to my wife these words. I held her hands and asked ” will what I am left with be enough for you? I don’t think it is myself, I am not able to give her what she needs. Cancer did take much from me, it took more than some of you will know. I am actually happy you will never know. Because I personally don’t want 1 more person to experience treatment for cancer. I am sick to death of doing my best everyday to only be a fraction of my previous self.
I am upset that the few friends I now have are but a fraction of what I did have. Although as a friend said the other day, “I have many acquaintances and few friends” I now know who the acquaintances were. Hell cancer has proberbly wrecked the marriage we would have had only having a fraction of what would have been. It’s so hard each day to carry on, it’s so hard each day yo muster the strength and do something. I am being honest here, I will because I know when ever I post to my blog someone feels comfort. Someone feels some reassurance that it’s normal to feel these feelings. Right now I am angry, really angry and sad that my life is not what I feel it should have been. So then, what do I do.
I take a deep breath in, I sigh I breath and reflect. I say ” God please forgive my shortfall.” Please use my words somewhere in the world. It’s not possible to post positives everyday, because I just am not super human. I am a man, I have weight trained become a powerhouse that in the end was beaten down by cancer. Yet I WILL rise again.
Lewis Hamilton said today, he had a 5 place grid penalty for having a new gear box. He said ” I need to look at the cup half ful, and take the oppertunity to rise” it’s how I live, to see oppertunity to rise rather than possibilities to fail. I will rise and keep on keeping on. I am not saying any of this so you feel pity, just so that with hope in your heart and an inner strength that you feel able to carry on. This is my life now, it’s a great shame that people have to put up with the effects of cancer. But maybe that’s better than the alternative. You have a life, and that life gives you oppertunity even if that is in something negative like illness. It’s just that you have to choose to see it as an oppertunity to rise. If you do. Rest assured you WILL rise and you will make a differance to someone’s life.
You are so much more than cancer or illness would have you believe. You will rise you just have to believe it.
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own.
If your fortunate to have not had a life threatening illness or an arduous fight to stay alive. Having the very make up of your cells reformed then the word fatigue you will think is just tiredness . You will also think that a sleep will cure it. When I was a recovery driver I experienced what most parents would experience in terms of how really tired feels. Falling asleep after 26 hours work to be woken up after 10 mins to have to go to a broken down car that needs to be recovered 200 miles. I really do know what tiredness feels like. Fatigue however is very very different.
When your treatment finishes , people think it’s over for the person who was fighting. That they are all of a sudden when you here the words ‘remission’ or ‘cured’ that all of a sudden the side effects disappear and the fatigue disappears and we are all of a sudden well and fighting fit. Some people do not even realise what true tiredness really is. See fatigue is like a restriction, it’s like walking in mud, or treacle. Not that I have ever walked in treacle but I know how the spoon responds to it. Mud slows us right down and makes progress more of an effort.
Fatigue, makes everything a huge effort, it takes joy from your life even makes you feel low and down trodden which I always choose to be above. I choose everyday to do as apposed to wallowing in self pity because I have not the strength to get through a day. Fatigue is a really heavy rucksack full of lead on your back, it makes you want to cry. It makes you respond irrationally even. I have been careful to not respond with a knee jerk reaction, but to be considered in how I respond and not quickly. It’s difficult to get someone to understand how you feel, frustrating even that people think that there is nothing wrong with you.
How I turn things around in my mind is to listen to my surroundings, and thank God that I am at least alive. Even though the pain is so great that walking is a problem sometimes. Generally late at night or early in the morning is when it’s worst. I want people to understand what fatigue is, what true loss of energy is. Even typing sometimes is an effort, like your arms are in mud it’s that hard to move them sometimes.
When I was in hospital I said to Andie, I hope what’s left of me is enough for you, I hope the drugs don’t take to much of me. I also said to my dad and my wife (Andie) ” It must NOT take my spirit ” what ever happened I had to hold on to my spirit because if I kept that I knew that I would always be able to be positive. That’s how I do it, my spirit is alive and strong and because of that I am able. It’s like my energy that I find in my spirit, your spirit that’s within us all is fed by things like, gratitude, thankfulness, helping others, positive thinking, and positive speech. Saying positive things when we don’t want to keeps your spirit full. That was what I clung onto for dear life, the spirit of who I am. Fatigue can do what it likes, but it will never take my spirit, people die when they lose their will to survive. That comes from the spirit within you, the power that comes from deep within us. We all have it because we are made in the image of God, it like a flame within us that we have to keep burning, some call it our inner strength. Say I can, and I will. Things happen then, but even so it’s far harder with fatigue holding you back, the foggy swamp is like a demon holding you back.
That is what fatigue is like, I hope this helps some of you to understand it better. And reassures some of you who suffer it.
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own.
My blog is a year in the life of me, someone fighting cancer. The struggles that someone normal is faced with whilst fighting to stay alive and beat cancer. When I started ( or chose ) to write this blog called fonzandcancer I did not know I would beat cancer, I did not know what was ahead of me apart from the first fight with cancer which was hard enough. That was my only comparrisum to what I would face. This is an honest blog as I believe they all have been, but this one bears my heart and soul.
You see I have never thought of depression as a desease, I was prescribed medication for it some 17 years ago after marrying my first wife the year before and going through divorce a year later. I never took the medication. Some people chose to side with my ex wife. Since then I have chosen to walk a depression free path, thinking it is by my very choices that kept it all at bay. By my positive spirit in effect, dispersing the perhaps ever beating depression. That I was shining a light of happiness in a dark place which some call depression. Amazing isn’t it that although these thoughts are public, only a few read the very depths of my thoughts, either because they are worried what people will think (I don’t) or they want to learn what it’s like to face such demons, or perhaps it’s because you yourself have accepted that your doctor has told you your depressed and want to know if there is a way out.
Like with anything, only you are your way out, cancer is Evil and I suffer daily to maintain a positive outlook. (Why suffer) ? Because only you can change what you choose to think, only you can choose to say positive things, and be a positive person believing in a positive outcome.
For me at the beginning of my blog I believed without seeing that I would beat cancer. One person said last week my blog is religious because it’s about faith. The word faith means ‘To believe without seeing’ on all American notes are the words “in God we trust” so believing by faith God is real even though he has not been seen. Well myself personally, I believe we see God in everything but that’s a whole new blog altogether. So for me personally I believe I choose every day not to be depressed yet a doctor told me I was 17 years ago.
When we fall we can collapse in a heap or get up, when we get up we are further ahead than we were before. A man called Ian Samuel taught me that some 24 years ago. It’s up to us to move forwards, it’s up to us to chose to move from where we are today. YOUR LIFE IS IN YOUR HANDS! Don’t waste what you have. Look at my poetry, I was told when I wrote heart of the ocean when I was 27 it was rubbish so I did not persue it. Now I don’t do it for anyone else just me, and I am finding others like it so I am choosing to carry on. Please choose to carry on, you have so much more to give the world and you won’t know what that is unless you follow your heart.
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own.
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
Throughout my life there have been many stages, but one lesson I would say is perhaps the hardest, or maybe took the longest. Was to learn to love myself, you see most people blame situations people, ( I was dealt a bad hand) my friend says it like. The people in the pub that have a woulda coulda story – if only it was not for such and such. Well it’s all a load of rubbish. Absolute BS. Our future is in our hands but unfortunately, if we don’t live ourselves we will find life is so much harder than it would otherwise be should we be happy with who we are. We have to become that person that when the person who is looking back, your content with. I am not saying the full article because no human is ever the ful article in my opinion. We learn until the day we die if always want to improve ourselves.
I personally want to better today than I was yesterday, I think they call it growing. Always learning and always becoming a better you. Let me put it this way, a house needs solid foundations to last. Without solid foundations there will be cracks in the plaster in time, bricks will move and the house will become unstable. Loving yourself is the foundation for everything we build on top of it, a relationship, the ability to live with your whole heart, holding down a good job, respect from others. No one will respect you if you don’t respect yourself.
I found the right person to marry because I had found myself in travelling Australia, yup that’s what it took for me. It was not till I was 36 and a broken marriage behind me that I became truly happy with the reflection in my mirror. Very late in life I would say, but at least I got there in the end. Cancer has honed me, made me a better more rounded person enabling me to see life through the eyes of a disability. The disability being the disabling treatments that my cancer demanded. In your life you will have your own challenges, but what ever happens in your life love the person who you are before you build a life.
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
I read an article today on a site called Had cancer, talking about different ways that we feel sometimes years after having had chemotheropy. Some doctors say it does not exsist, (apparently) I have never had this exsperience with doctors myself but then I am quite a large person both physically and in personality. After reading the article I realised that maybe I could write about the very thing that frustrates me so much. So let me explain how it is for me as a cancer patient that like the person who wrote the article. I had cancer!
So for me when I was having chemo, even my first chemo (mine was very strong) it had to be I was at 4 a and in a bad way. Close to losing my life and riddled with cancer. Remember in previous blogs I have talked about chemo feeling like snakes in your head, it did. Sometimes your head even hurts as you remember stuff, but then your brain is a muscle. It has lots of connections in the brain that need to work in a certain way. Now I am not a doctor, but it makes sense to me that maybe the brain has been affected in a small way by the drugs pumped into my body. I do forget things where I didn’t before. So I have to write things down to remember them. Where as before I really never did I just remembered.
Trust me no cancer patient uses it as an excuse, after all who wants to forget? I look like a Pratt sometimes because I repeat myself, repeat myself. Seriously though it’s embarrassing.
Picture by Fine acupuncture.com
People that have not had cancer will never understand how it affects a human being. How can they, we must excuse their ignorance in not trying to even understand. I have been insulted, even misjudged by people close to me. I have to realise it’s not something they will understand unless they try to. Walking around pointing the finger at someone suffering does not help anyone.
Chemo brain can last for years so if it’s you, know it’s a possible normal for you. It’s frustrating because people may get annoyed at you, no one will understand unless they have researched what you maybe feeling. It does not mean we have lost our intelligence. It means we have been affected by chemothearopy, our memories may not be up to scratch but it does not mean we are inadequate. Far from it, chemo brain is real. But the fact is that chemo brain is much more frustrating for the person with it than it is for the person communicating with that person. Have a great day and know that your not alone, there are I suspect many that will read this and realise that it’s normal and even feel a bit better about it. Because others feel what they do.
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
Do you know the differance? Ok well here is my take on it. If your a friend to someone you will listen to understand what they are going through or facing. If you listen to reply, you are more interested in what your opinion is than helping the person to deal with the problem they are telling you about. God, if you believe there is a God ( I do). When he made us made us with 2 ears and one mouth, interesting don’t you think? Does that not mean we should listen more than we speak, sounds daft as I write this as I love speaking, but I also love to solution stuff. The only way we can solution is by listening, I love coming up with answers to situations. But hate jigsaws.
For a long time in my life I thought that people wanted to hear my opinion, when in fact the person that really wanted to hear my opinion was Me. I was a selfish person in some ways, even though my motive may have been good the result of my motive was to reply with my opinion.
I have realised that by listening your learning, and when your speaking you are not learning anything at all. It’s a skill to listen and one I am working on everyday, as I endeavour to complete my challenge of blogging everyday for a whole year. 365 days. I am busy learning to as I get feedback from people, people that care, some are surprised that I am nearly 3/4 of the way through and still am doing what I said I would do. I know it’s helping people be use people are telling me and I am listening. Using the skill I am honing to listen to other people to understand as opposed to reply.
Listening to understand not only gives us more knowledge but also it helps us to understand people and their situations. Which I turn gives us experience. The one thing about exsperience is you can’t buy it, you can buy someone to tell us from their exsperience, but if we want to have exsperience we have no choice but to listen and learn from someone else. Because that’s what listening to understand does. It gives us the exsperience that we can call on in another situation in the future. We may be able to recall what we have learnt and help us in our very own situation. This may mean nothing to you, you may think you know what I am saying and don’t need to hear it. If that’s the case then you will not learn anything.
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
This is what one of the richest men ever to become wealthy thought of life. Some of the things I have been saying in my blogs… This writing may not be exact, some think incorrect. I just think the words are perfect and for all mankind!
Steve Jobs’ Last Words –
I reached the pinnacle of success in the business world.
In others’ eyes, my life is an epitome of success.
However, aside from work, I have little joy. In the end, wealth is only a fact of life that I am accustomed to.
At this moment, lying on the sick bed and recalling my whole life, I realize that all the recognition and wealth that I took so much pride in, have paled and become meaningless in the face of impending death.
In the darkness, I look at the green lights from the life supporting machines and hear the humming mechanical sounds, I can feel the breath of god of death drawing closer…
Now I know, when we have accumulated sufficient wealth to last our lifetime, we should pursue other matters that are unrelated to wealth…
Should be something that is more important:
Perhaps relationships, perhaps art, perhaps a dream from younger days …
Non-stop pursuing of wealth will only turn a person into a twisted being, just like me.
God gave us the senses to let us feel the love in everyone’s heart, not the illusions brought about by wealth.
The wealth I have won in my life I cannot bring with me.
What I can bring is only the memories precipitated by love.
That’s the true riches which will follow you, accompany you, giving you strength and light to go on.
Love can travel a thousand miles. Life has no limit. Go where you want to go. Reach the height you want to reach. It is all in your heart and in your hands.
What is the most expensive bed in the world? – “Sick bed” …
You can employ someone to drive the car for you, make money for you but you cannot have someone to bear the sickness for you.
Material things lost can be found. But there is one thing that can never be found when it is lost – “Life”.
When a person goes into the operating room, he will realize that there is one book that he has yet to finish reading – “Book of Healthy Life”.
Whichever stage in life we are at right now, with time, we will face the day when the curtain comes down.
Treasure Love for your family, love for your spouse, love for your friends…
Treat yourself well. Cherish others.
Look after each other
Who you were you cannot change, but what you become is in your hands. You can be what ever you want to be, do what ever you want to do. You can achieve what ever you want to achieve. It’s believing what you say is true. You see for you to achieve what you want to achieve it means you first have to believe it’s possible then step out in faith putting one foot in front of the other, and move forward. You see the further you move forwards the dimmer the light of your “what was” will be. Of course I am meaning for my cancer journey, it’s not something I want or need to remember. The more days I live without cancer, the more I believe it’s possible to have a future with out it.
Whilst this blog will be short, it’s just to remind you and me. That because we have had cancer and are in remmission, this does not define us as a person. Even if you are having treatment it does not define you, what defines you is what you do right now. What you choose to become, your not defined by what someone thinks of you, what their opinion is, is not for you to know. What matters is what you want out of this life, if that’s to sit with your head in your hands blaming God knows what as to the reason you have cancer. That’s your choice, and that is what defines you. But I want you to know that you have the choice everyday to leave that past behind you. The definition of you is in your hands.
You are so much more than you are today.
Fonz
http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
Today I went to see Roy and Vickie, we talked seamlessly for over 2 hours. It was a really pleasant time, Roy shared with me his cancer story. It was a good time, I was asked the same question as Dave and Anne asked me though. “Do I ever get down” so now I will tell you how I cope with that, how I did cope with that, and hopefully what makes me feel like that.
It’s hard to know where to start really, because people seem to think I am some kind of infalable being that just gets on an does it. (Not true) it’s hard for me to talk about being weak, as it’s not in my nature to show that side of me. However the bible talks about when I am weak then he is strong. Don’t get me wrong I am not going to come across all religious on you, but this is how it happened to me. I remember quite distinctly the day that I realised beating cancer was not possible, cancer stories did not exsist then. I know if it had I would most certainly have coped better, I remember watching a movie I think it was called the awakening. Robert de Nero played a part of someone who deteriated badly, I remember how I wept the know the audible crying, feeling like you are out of control. I dropped to my knees that night, I cryed out loud. Please help me if your there, I can’t do this alone. I was not finding it hard fighting cancer, I could no longer do it anymore. It was just a wave of negativity that flooded my being, it would not be the last either. That was just the beginning of digging to the deepest you thought possible,my then having to dig deeper again.
Us humans are stubborn when it comes to losing our lives, or I was anyway. I had found the recipe for the rest of my life, a good wife, a great house. My little sports car, my faith but the one thing that was holding all that together was my health. Even so, no matter how sick I felt I always got up, I remember one day when I did not get up till 5 pm. There being a cold chill in my room, it felt like I was being taken. Dieing, that I was slipping away. I felt like I was being pulled out of a sleeping bag as they tried to take my life. I refused and fought like hell that day, getting up for tea time. I dare not sleep that day and night drinking plenty of fluid, feeling like snakes were in my head. The drugs I was on were pioneering drugs, as I was on a trial for a new drug that I agreed to have put in my body. Eventually over Christmas 2011 I finished my chemo and had the Christmas they said I would not have without the treatment. Apparently I had gotten into remission. No fan fare no party, they were just words that I did not believe. I felt all along it was still there!
I was explaining today how my cancer hid, and although I was supposed to be in remission. I knew the cancer cells were hiding in my bones. I could feel them almost laughing at me. Non of the scans picked it up, as they were rougue cells and scanners only picked up clusters. Everyday I would get up and wonder if today was the day it would show itself. Although I did put faith into practice by buying a Labrador and calling her Faith as that’s what I needed to get into remmission.
I remember when it came back again (hard recalling this) coiling up into a ball and crying my heart out. The consultant had told me I would have to have my bone marrow removed, and have a stem cell transplant. This was to be done in isolation in a tiny room. Excuse my language, but how in the hell could I possibly do that, were they mad! I could see no way. For me it was a step to far, an impossible ask. I ached hopelessly inside, I asked time and time again if there was another option. Non what so ever this was my only hope, no more life for me with out it. It made me shake, I would be physically sick at the thought.
In everyone of those moments, I made myself read positivity. Quotes from the bible, positive people on Twitter, Google and many other places just positives. Friends, family, everyone was only to speak positively to me. No moaning. When I finally got into the room. That big silverback became a weak hopeless human, put into the hands of medicine.
The day I became nutrapenic, I felt really strange I left my body and even though I was talking to Andie, I felt like I was actually leaving the planet. I held on tight to Andies hand, I believed it was to early. That what was the point in me being the one who did not make it surely there was a reason for me having this. As I hovered above myself I remember hearing the words “not yet” I don’t know who said them but it certainly was a comfort to me. The day before that I had been sat by the window shaking violently, imagining myself timing sheets together to escape. The door was always open, I could have left at any time, it was not escape from Alcatraz. That’s what being neutapenic made me feel.
So my friends, all of these things I felt, some I still feel. I know what the guilt feels like, to have made it where others don’t. That’s the only “why me” sentence I have said. Remember this, when you think there is no more to give. There always is, with determination AND FAITH you. “yes you” can do ANYTHING. Don’t give up, because you have friends.
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
Strange title you think? Really? Well if you think it’s strange you have not seen someone in remission, fight and win or you think cancer has taken loved ones to soon. You see for me whilst I have fought like hell and won, along the way I have found inspirational people, people that I would not have met had it not been for cancer. Cancer stories has given everyone there the gift of friendship with someone.
People around the world have been put in touch with each other and are talking to each other about the journey they had, and encouraging another who maybe facing the same journey. A couple of online papers have talked about what we have done, people message me with kindness. Giving encouragement to me to carry on blogging. If I am honest, I am exhausted today, finding it hard to stay awake even. Someone said the other day, cancer is the gift that keeps on giving. I am not sure if that was meant in a negative or positive way. But most certainly our attitude to what we face can help us, or hinder our progress. The daft thing is, by holding our head in our hands does in fact hinder us.
It’s only by standing up and choosing to face cancer and all that goes with it, that we find some good in the journey of Hell called cancer. For instance my friends Dave and Anne we would not know had we not been affected by cancer, we would not know those lovely people that are most certainly an asset to our lives most certainly not a hinderance. Anne serves a mean chocolate eclair and not just any eclair either. Only mns in their house. We have come into contact with many people with great hearts, even gaining a sister along the way. Cancer whilst attempting to take my life has given us gifts, not without looking for the gifts did we find them though.
The fact of the matter is though that cancer comes with some positivity once we are able to see through the pain that it gave to us, be it death, physical pain, disability, cancer helps us to value what ever we have left, it gives us a new way to look at life. Only being touched by cancer can we see this way of looking at the world. Because without cancer I would not have the sensitivity towards people I have now, and the tanasity to turn away from negativity. Each minute becomes more precious than before and there is no room in it to be wasted around anyone that has an inability to look at the positives that life has to offer.
Enjoy today, it’s a great day.
Fonz
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
Some may have put, things they don’t want to happen this year, but I prefer to have a positive spin on things. There are lots of things I want to happen but I guess the no 1 I need to put last. The opposite to what you would expect in the hope that you read the whole blog 😆.
So in no particular order apart from my no1 which will be last.
I Want to be a 34 ” waist I keep kidding myself I am a 36″ but all my jeans are stretching, as I have to breath in to put them on.
To get out in Trevor more this year.
To write better than ever before.
To get 200 followers on my WordPress account.
To help more people in 2016 than I did in 2015.
To do the jobs I said I would do in 2015 in 2016.
To pick up my nephew Zac from school just once in Trevor.
To fulfil an ambition (I will blog about that when it happens)
To not voice my disappointments, but accept its not my problem to deal with.
To put my wife before anyone else ALL year. ( I believe I do that every year) nothing wrong with a bit of consistency.
To complete my 365 day blog challenge. I have completed 249 so far.
To get 1000 a day average view ( maybe unattainable ) I am not that good yet.
To encourage more people in their own blogging experience.
Lastly to remain cancer free!
I do not want cancer in my life at all from now on, but it does take effort to eat well and not binge on anything, like sweet things, pop, chocolate, ect. Eating well takes effort and Percy verance . Staying away from processed foods makes a huge difference to. Some processed foods for example – farmed salmon have canceragenic Properties. It’s a huge subject and one I want to learn more about this year.
Have you written down some goals for this year? Thanks to all of you that read and share with out you my blogs would be just read by friends and family. Thank you.
Have a great week, see this Monday as a new start and a new opportunity. NOT the Monday feeling of the holiday is over.
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
How many times did I watch Tony heart, he was one of life’s inspirers. He encouraged children to do works of art, I will never forget what you gave us and me Tony. Wow such a loss.. I will not forget you. This happened in 2009 but I love to remember people. I figure by blogging it’s there forever.
I love to make small tributes to people’s lives that have affected our now. Now morph did not affect it, but he did and has made me laugh many times I wonder what you remember?
Did you know this is a kind of bullying, even a form of abuse. Many people reject someone because of the way they look, maybe because they have some kind of desease. During my cancer journey I have been rejected by so many people that do not understand cancer. We have all felt it in our lives, we know what it’s like to not be liked by the kid on the street, or the work colleague that excludes you. I guess people reject anything or anyone that is not the same as them.
I used to get very scared as a young boy, because when I was bullied I would get into trouble at home as well. Because more often than not I would get my coat stolen or bleed on a new shirt. I without doubt suffered rejection allot in my life, especially by the bullies on the bus. I have chosen to show love to all people and smile at and with people, I have chosen a path where I don’t judge everyone I meet, I choose to love everyone I meet. People want to bury their heads in the sand and pretend it’s not happened or happening. Well sorry for those that want a quiet life and for the truth to be unspoken, or just not speak of it. I have many things I wish to speak about, from now on I will, I won’t keep my thoughts under lock and key anymore. The world will know the truth and that truth shall set me free.
I have learned how to love, because I have been shown what true love is, it’s consistency, acceptance, and putting the other person first ALWAYS.
It’s 1 Corinthians 13
1 Corinthians 13New International Version (NIV) While I hope to be some of 1 Corinthians every day, I do know I am not perfect. But do my best every day.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails.
It’s my wife that has taught me what consistency is, what home is. For the first time in my life as an adult I know what home feels like. The time before that I was 4,5,6 yrs old when we lived in Brighton now it’s in southport. I have lived here for nearly 6 years and even though I have fought off the beast called cancer whilst living here. It still feels like home. That feeling when you put the log fire on and settle down with our dog by my side and my wife with me, along with the cat stretched out in front of the fire. My home is not just a place to live, it’s a place where I feel welcome, loved and wanted by all the people that live here. That’s after all my safe place, a place where we don’t hurt each other, a place where we feel warm secure and needed. No feeling of rejection will anyone feel in our home, because our home is a place of safety.
Rejection in cancer exsists in everyone’s journey I am finding out, it’s sad that people cut other’s off or alienate them because they are not well . It’s not just people with cancer either, it’s people that are misunderstood. People facing a situation that quite frankly the person who does not understand it does not even bother to find out about it.
If that’s you and you need support there is a group of people that have had similar experiences called cancer stories
You will be welcomed there, people who have had similar exsperiences and can empathise with you. So know your not alone, it’s common place in cancer but there is love and support out there from people that understand what you are feeling and experience. People there have been where you are and will do what we can for you.
Have a good day
Fonz
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
Wow this week has been amazing! It’s now Saturday my worst day in stats on wordpress is always a Saturday. But yesterday, New Year’s Day. Broke more records than Elton John. I had more likes yesterday than any other day, more followers follow my blog than any other day and my blog had been read by more people than ever before. As you can imagine I was really chuffed, I was chuffed for a couple of reasons. My main reason though was that more people were obviously interested in my writings therefore more people were being encouraged by the hell I had been through. Meaning my consistency in blogging was and is worth it.
As you can see from the picture 467 ain’t bad for a new blogger right? Or am I wrong, am I still not doing so good? The feeling is good that I have I mean in the same week there was a day with 967 views I mean that’s nearly a thousand. More than all the pupils that went to my high school!
There are my stats for the week last night. So what’s the point of today’s blog. Well it’s to thank all of you for reading and making New Year’s Day a special day for me in 2016 it’s a great start. So thank you! I was getting dispondent that is until yesterday when I also met another blogger called hugsandblessings she encouraged me and it was then that I realised, you need me like I need you. That you need me to help others read your blog, and I need you for the same reason. I know it’s obvious but it was like a eureka moment. God bless you all.
Lastly to all of you that are dispondent like I was, seeing my weekly stats dwindle week on week. If you help others by telling others about someone else they will help you out naturally. Have a healthy new year everyone, I am hopefully going to enjoy a cancer free year. Now that’s worth fighting for.
Have a great weekend
Fonz
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
It so sad that this has to happen to each and everyone of us, Natalie Cole dieing. Whilst sad, exstemly sad. She has without doubt left behind a legacy encouraged by her dad, Nat King Cole.
So now it’s time for us to miss you like crazy Natalie. Thanks so much for the legacy you have left, you will never be forgotten.
This lady was part of my childhood, and of so many more around the world. No amount of money can stop the enevitable, it just makes me so much more than ever before want to make a differance in the short life that I have.
Who has the right to stop you from being who you are, no one. I myself pride myself on being the person that says yes to my wife, the person that encourages her to achieve her goals. That’s why she drives the car she does, that’s why she has the opportunities she does. I have no right to stop her being who she is, no one has the right to stop you either. I read a blog today, in the blog she spoke about. If you want a burger have it, I agree. We only get one chance at this life so be who you are, don’t dress yourself up with all the pretentious shite people seem to want to do these days. I refuse to be in a place where there are people, that expect of me in a certain way.
What of that? Does that make me selfish, or does that make me an individual. So many people follow each other’s example, mimicking them almost. Why is it then that a Billionaire wants to have something no one in the world has. Well I think it’s because they can afford to. I want to be the person I am from now on, why? Because I have fought for these days and there is nowhere, no place for people to attempt, to Mold me into something I am not. In this life and in this year. Are you going to follow the masses, or are you going to be the person you want to be.
You see by “fitting in” some people call it, you are effectively pleasing those around you and not yourself. My wife is an individual, I don’t own her I am not her boss. But what I am is someone who encourages her to be the person she feels comfortable with.
The only change you need to make in 2016 is to be TRUE to yourself. Those that want me to fit in are in for a shock because it’s not what I will be doing with my life from now on. I will be being myself and I will be unconcerned what others opinions are. At the same time being interested to hear what someone’s thoughts on a subject are. Cancer has gone, I am here.
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
2015 review, wow where do I start. Well I guess that would be 1st January 2015 but that’s not where the year began for me I began on the lads holiday 2014. When I felt a lump in my neck and knew I had to mention it to my consultant on my appointment 2 days after landing back in the uk. That led to an operation then ICE chemotherapy each cycle done over a 3 day period, in Feb, March and April then Beam chemo in isolation for 6 days and nights in May. completing 30 full days of chemotherapy in 5 years.
Just to explain a little what it took for the transplant, for those who know nothing of what’s required. Stem cell harvest wes allot of fun having a canular in one arm and a 1.5 mm needle in the other whilst they took my blood out harvested it in a machine, then put it back in my body. The whole process lasts about 5 hours repeated on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday until I had 4 million cells were collected.
I remember on one particular day, a gentleman sat opposite, he has a hicc an line in so the needle was not required. You can’t move at all for the 5 hours, and watching his son eat a Burger King did make me salavate some what and get food envy.
The transplant itself lasted 3 weeks laid in a bed in a room 15 ft X 12 ft. With only a tv and an I pad for company. The nurses who I can’t name made the Experience more bearable, I can’t name the staff at the Royal Liverpool but they are an amazing team as are the team in the MDU at southport. Without a doubt our local GP Dr Hindle played a huge part in saving my life.
It was also the start of the first complete year for the group made possible by its 210 members. A group that not only has helped people along the way. It has helped people to help themselves to save their own lives. Needing the very people I had set out to help whilst on a new cancer journey again. You see I was in remission when I set up cancer stories, and although I felt I was not in remission, I hoped it would not return. It did.
Whilst the group has encouraged many, it has also seen much sadness spare a moment as we think of those that have left us.
Noel Smalley
Rita Hodgeon
Becca Parkes
James D peace
There are others that have passed but I am not permitted to speak of them in public.
Sadly missed but not forgotten
It was a year where I strove to get on my lads holiday in Turkey, seeing it as my goal to achieve. I lasted 2 days and came home to find that 24 hours later the hotel was swamped by water. Not a place for someone 100 days out of bone marrow transplant. My friends made the best of what they had, 8 days later going to Mexico with my wife, where we would meet friends for life and enjoy some of the best weather they had seen at that time of year.
Mexico was to end up being our true celebration, not only to have an end to all that treatment, but to finally be declared cancer free once more. The word cured was even used. We celebrated our anniversary 5 years married to my amazing wife, who has been by my side all the way through all my cancer Experience, I can’t bring 2015 to an end with out mentioning someone else. Rachel Brown for allowing Andie to have her time by my side in hospital whilst having my bone marrow transplant.
Finally knowing I have another day each morning is an amazing feeling and as a consequence I never want to waste a moment of it unhappy. We also celebrated Andie turning 40, and hope to make a special announcement soon regarding Andies Carrea.
Outside of my personal experiences and support from family and friends. I want to say thank you to all those at cancer stories there are to many to list, but you all know who you are that reach out to other people sharing your journeys with others encouraging and enthusing people to get themselves into remission. Thank God for hospitals and people that dedicate their lives so we may have life, that we may continue to breath and encourage other people where they are at.
Wasn’t it amazing that 15 people that had never met were able to enjoy a meal together, almost being kicked out after 4 hrs 45 mins of constant chat without a break. A complete privilege. Bless you each and every one.
I have hope in my heart and faith that many of you will improve in 2016, I hope with a hopeful heart that you will know words like remission and cure in between the scans and sunshine, rainy and cloudy days.
Thank you to all of you that have supported us, well it’s time to look forwards now. To buy gym memberships that we will use twice, give up fatty foods for a 2 day diet before we get over our guilt trips and live normally again. Start walking to the shops, until we remember having a car was easier.
Have a great 2016 and all the best
Fonz
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
One of the reasons I was able to overcome cancer, was that me and my wife and the friends and family on the journey with us were all pulling together. How I like to explain it is like this.
When ever me and Andie have a problem that needs solving, we talk about it together and work out a strategy together. I see the problem as a block of concrete so big that it cannot be moved by just one person. Both of us need to be pulling the block for it to move. But not only do we have to move it together, we have to both be pulling in the same direction. It’s no good if the idea is split in 2 and 2 people are pulling different ways. Nothing ever gets achieved that way, me and Andie have achieved so much this past year. Tomorrows blog will be thinking about all the things we have achieved together because we are both pulling in one direction.
Andie had an opportunity to be promoted from the role she is in over 12 months ago, it would have been wrong at that time in our lives facing beating cancer again. You see cancer tried to fight me, to bring me down to put me under, defeat me and affect our life in a negative way. Two people like us will never allow a situation to ultimately affect us in a negative way because we choose to work together to make the best of what we DO have. We don’t focus on what we cannot change like people’s actions towards us. The responses of people to us are just something we cannot change, what people chose or choose to do on any day in particular we cannot do anything about. It’s ultimately our response to it that matters, people can say and do hurtful things. It could be deemed bullying or even rejection, we choose together to work together to make the best of everything. Even removing yourself from a negative situation that can’t be changed can help with getting to the destination.
Our new destination for the next phase in our lives we can’t tell you at the moment, but I can tell you that we will be touching more people’s lives than ever before in 2016. There will always be people there to try and take the shine off of what your aiming to do, I get shocked as to where the people come from that try to bring you down with their own limitations which some regard as negativity. You see this is the truth of life. The only person that stops your dream, or restricts it is the very mind that dreams the dream. The problem with big dreams, is the fact that with it brings more possibility for failure. I prefer to dream big and then break that down into successful days, weeks, months, and years.
You are in control of the direction you choose, our direction is by supporting each other in making our dreams come true. I hope your enjoying your next to last day in 2015.
I hope you had a successful 2015. I also hope you enjoy planning your 2016.
Fonz
http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
The only way to do great work is to love what you do. I have a personal addiction, that is to people that are at the top of their game, people that have become the best that’s possible in that field. People that have used a lifetime, becoming the best at what they do. The only have one thing in common, all these people love what they do. They have not seen it as a chore to work, they have seen it as a way of life. Enjoying what they do everyday that some people call work, I am at a cross roads myself. I know what I love to do, I know that I am good at it and hope to pursue it to be the best I can be at it.
I adore encouraging people, I love to give people hope. It’s a passion of mine, I have and do not seek to make a living from it. I just want to make a difference in people’s lives, to help them to see the best in themselves.
I am fascinated by people like Steve jobs, Bill gates, Peter Jones, Duncan Balyntyne, Lewis Hamilton, Guy Martin, to name a few people that inspire me. People that love what they do, people that are passionate about what they do. It was then that I realised something else that they had in common. All of them wanted or want other people to be successful, all of them encourage other people to become the best they can be. Whilst being at the top of their game, they have other people working with them that are also at the top of their game to. I have allot of friends who are at the top of what they do, I am married to one of them. Two people who have been the most influential people on the planet I think are Steve jobs and Bill Gates. These people have made a fortune by helping people to have tec in their hands that can make them money. Something I am using right now. My IPad. Mine is the latest with the biggest memory. That’s thanks to the late Steve Job, also influenced by Bill gates. They both shared similar ethics. Building their company’s on Software, by giving us (the public) the capability of making software by providing us with the tools to make software. In turn helping people to make money at home by making things such as Apps.
I myself have chosen to write a blog a day for a year in the hope of reaching people experiencing cancer treatment, or the effects of cancer. To encourage them that they can win their battle also. I have not found it a chore writing my blogs, because it’s something that I love doing, now whilst I know I am not at the top of my game like Steve jobs was. I do know I am making a difference largely because of his vision to help people to help themselves with the tool for the job. ( no pun intended)
We all have an opportunity, it’s called Life. Are you wasting yours or using yours. That’s the key isn’t it, to use what you have (life) and use it to help others whilst not forgetting that family is THE most important in your life. At the beginning of my blogging journey, I did not really care about my spelling. But now I am starting to care a bit more, to do my best to be the best I can be. I don’t call mistakes failure, I call then lessons and a chance to learn.
I really hope this blog has encouraged you today, if nothing else to not settle until you find what you love to do, in turn doing great work because you love it. If I could only shake the hand of the man that has inspired me to inspire you. If indeed you are inspired.
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
Seems a strange thing to say doesn’t it, thank you cancer, but cancer has given me so much. It came into my life twice and tried to end my life twice. It picked the wrong man, my attitude was always that I would win. Never once did I imagine I would lose. I am fortunate though, if it was not for my mum I would for sure be dead. Had she never told me I should get my lump checked out. See I just thought it was a swollen gland, never even once did I think a lump could possibly kill me! Well it didn’t it came and never realised just how hard it would be to get the better of me. I managed to get the better of it, not without the help of my family and friends.
My blog today Monday 28th December had the best day ever, even surpassing the blog ” The Night I fell in love with Rita’s mum ” now it’s the blog about Steve Job that has now had the most hits, having more hits than the whole of last week in one day. Cancer has given me so many gifts, it has given me a new found wonder in the planet, I get pleasure from small things, our cat laid in front of the fire melts my heart. Children playing fills me with joy, I built a bike up for my friends son today. Seeing his beaming face was priceless. Everything on the planet is more valuable, family time is precious any time with my wife I adore and will not have it ruined.
Birds singing a chorus, fish, laughter. My friend said the other day “Small things can make me tear up” it’s the same for me also. Cancer has given me friends I would not have had, it’s given me the group Cancer stories. It’s given me a desire to have love in the home that I live in. More than ever I did. My dog enjoying a run, so many things I appreciate more because I HAD cancer. For that I have to thank my mum, because without her I would be dead. Thank you Mum.
Try and find your positive in your situation, because if you look they WILL be there.
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
We all have families, some are real loving ones. Some are distant in miles, some are wealthy. I am wealthy in family, because I have a loving wife who loves me dearly and knows me well. I was bought a Star Wars top this year by a family member, one that did not know me or it would never have been considered. It got me thinking though, how can someone that should know me so well get it so wrong. Maybe the time they had with me they never listened to what I liked, maybe they just bought it for me because I should like it. Or maybe it was a pound…..
Well my wife absolutely loves Star Wars, so it was not wasted, I am sure my wife will love wearing it with the picture of the millemem falcon on the front. It’s a man size so she will proberbly wear it as a nighty.. You know I have even watched the latest movie of Star Wars, we went to Liverpool to watch it at the gallery. You see it’s something my wife adores and I would do anything for my wife, and would take her anywhere. When we were sat in the cinema she said these words to me. “The last time I was with someone watching starwars at the cinema, I was with my dad” no previous partner had gone with her to see it because they did not like starwars. Her dad is no longer with us, he died at 59.. Such a short life, cancer took him, he had it in his stomach, maybe it had been there for 20 years. I don’t know if her dad loved starwars, but what I do know is that he went with her.
Taking an interest in what someone loves is priceless, irreplaceable, because taking an interest in something another is interested in is an exsperience. Some people have blinkers on and only tune into their own interests because that’s all that matters to them. Some people don’t like football (like me) but again my wife loves it so I watch it and have banter with her because she loves it. She knows what I am passionate about, and she takes an interest in that also. For us our life is made richer because we learn about each other, I know about her dad and her grandparents, what they liked and disliked where they lived and what part they played in the war. Why because I want to keep the memories of those we lost alive.
I know that my dads love for football came from cricket, from a cricketer who used to also play for Arsenal. “Dennis Compton” his grandson plays for England to this day. How do I know that? Because my wife asked my dad. We then bought him a book on the man he respected, because we knew it would not be a waste of money. I don’t really like cricket either but I bet if you asked my dad he would think I did.. I have even been to meet Ian Botham, because I love people that have managed to be the best they can possibly be. I grew up with cricket and tennis in our house neither of which I love. Although Andy Murray is a pleasure to watch. I do however watch both, because if I try hard enough happy memories of being a boy come back doing the things my mum and dad loved. Playing cricket on the field with my day, and watching tennis with my mum whilst the sausages burnt, on a 14″ black and white tele.
I can’t stand Star Wars, but I love my wife. I know my wife does not wear nail varnish so I don’t buy it her it, my wife is exstemly beautiful and does not need to cake make up on, so I don’t buy it her. Next time I meet with the family we will play a little game. I hope you having a great Christmas break, and don’t forget to get to know the people you love.
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
This Christmas for me is a huge milestone, but I think friends even family (some) have forgotten the previous battles. What it took to win this war. Maybe it’s easier for them to forget, for me what was is always in my now. The effects of what was is in my now. I am real emotional this Christmas, I keep having moments. Now I am not saying this for sympathy, just so that others will know that it’s normal that what I feel is documented. I hope that some day a person will get comfort from reading this blog, even just knowing that your not alone.
People do forget when it’s not happened to them, it’s better for them if you just don’t mention it or even communicate about it. The fact is though that the horror of what I have been through is all still so very real in my present. It’s like a reoccurring nightmare and all I want is to forget for a while. When I am around people I forget, people are like the tonic I need to get through. I want you to know, what I remember is in the form of flash backs. It’s not that I recall anything on purpose, really it’s not a journey that anyone would want to recall on purpose.
All I want and need in my life is health and happiness, there are some people on the planet that naturally love us. There is not effort in that love, because it’s natrual. It’s is a love born out of accepting the other person and not wanting them to change. It has been said, if you are with people that are comfortable with the real you, you are with people that love you. I have friends like that, one is my brother and sister in law. I have some friends like that to, people that are in your lives that accept you are the ones you should treasure. They are rare, people that ask about you, not tell you about them.
You are not alone in how you feel, when you have had a trauma in your life like cancer. We can’t exspect everyone to understand, only those in the cancer club truly understand what you have faced. Only people in the cancer club will truly be honest with you, because they know how it feels to have someone by your side that you can tell how you truly feel. We also know how it feels when someone does not let you know how they feel because they think your situation is worse. We don’t stop caring because we are ill, we still want there to be normality. But there is very little normality in cancer, the cancer club is a club of honest, real, genuine people. Once u accept that not everyone will understand what you are going through, you find having cancer is easier.
Have a great day,
Fonz
http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
The one thing that we give that’s impossible to get back, once it’s given its gone forever. I just don’t think people understand how precious time is. It’s something we all have, we have been given a certain amount of time some call it life. An amount of breaths allocated to us that all linked together equals life. You do it without even thinking, yet it’s the most important thing that we do.without even a second though. When you finally realise that the time you have, the days you have and the people you do it with are only here for a certain amount of time.
See I have started to adopt this thought pattern, if someone is in my life and makes it worse. I remove them, I make sure I don’t communicate with them because their choices make me unhappy. That’s a big step for me, because in previous years I would have tried to change them, or even change for them. I have learned through cancer that I am actually a really good human, a kind genuine human that does his best to help others and to make the moments I am involved in their life fun and even hope I may put a smile on someone’s face. I believe that the life I have is being used, in part. To enrich another’s world, can we ask anymore from a person? Is not doing our best, a gift to another human. Is not putting the needs of another before our own sacrificial.
It’s Christmas Day today and I hope you have a fabulous day with the people you love, your time is precious as are you. Be kind to each other love each other to the best of your ability. We only get one chance at this thing called life, me and Andrea are the only ones not seeing my parents tomorrow. A result of being childless. They will get a great breakfast on Boxing Day morning though… I already have some quality sausages to cook for them. Make sure you give the best you can of you today. It’s a nice soothing feeling to think that we don’t have to deal with having cancer in our lives this year, and hope our guests have a fabulous day with us. Talking about that, maybe I should get on with making some of tomorrow…
Have a great day and a very happy Christmas to you
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
Well, for me it’s not been the same as everybody else’s. But what’s everybody’s else’s like, is their recovery different to mine. Yes I think so, although there are similarities. The trick is though I think, to not let other people think they are not doing as well as them, but to encourage them where they are at. No ones journey in recovery is the same as the next persons, everyone recovers at a different rate. I personally dislike it when I hear things like. “Well you will be ok” what evidence do they have to be able to say that. Will I? Wow thanks Doc…
You see what ever you feel, what ever stage you are at in YOUR recovery, I want you to know that’s ok. You don’t have to be or get to a certain place at any specific time. It’s different for everyone, you see just because someone says it was like that for them does not mean your body will recover the same, or at the same rate. You may recover quickly, where someone else gets pains in places you never did or do. You are you, and I want you to know that you should not give yourself a hard time for your body not responding how someone else’s does.
Perspective-so a car can have a very small engine which means it’s really fuel efficient but can’t go fast, another can have a really big engine and can go really fast but is no good at fuel economy. You are who you are, accept yourself for who you are not what someone expects of you. Concentrate on healing how you heal, it may not be cancer. It maybe something completely different, but you are you. Whilst what I say is true, remember this also. That you can’t make a dream come true if you don’t dream a little.
So this Christmas Eve for me is special. Not for any other reason than I am alive, I am here to write to you that you can read what is written here. Because this time last year I was being operated on at 10.30 am and was supported by my wife to get me to this Christmas Eve. It’s here today, I am not on an operating table today though. I am thankful to be where I am today, I am also grateful you are able to read this. We have more to be thankful for than we realise.
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.
Some people, people that have not had a long battle with cancer may not understand this blog. You see in the 5 1/2 yr battle I have learnt many good things. I have learnt many good things that I would not have learnt had I just gone to hospital and had it removed. I learned there is goodness to come out of a bad situation, that is if you want it to be found. I learned that many people want to reach out and help someone else. I learned that some people will not want to reach out because they are to busy doing what they want to do. Not what they should be doing maybe.
You see people I have never met before, have become my friend because of cancer. People in Australia, USA, in many parts of the world and in many places in the uk. I have even had the pleasure of meeting some people that have been touched by cancer. People have confided in me, told me stories of the most personal nature. Real strong bonds have been formed, bonds as strong as some I have had all my life. You see cancer helps us, it makes us think more, helps us to be non assuming, kind considerate and loving towards those that have to face this terrible desease. Now I am not saying that everyone should have cancer to understand. Indeed it does not have to be cancer, just to know what it’s like to suffer grately.
Great physical pain. Gives Great understanding, not of suffering but what it means to have a life. It helps us to understand what this little life means. Because only when you are faced with losing your life can you understand what having a life truly means. All through my life before cancer I heard about someone who lost his life that we may have life. I for one am grateful that I had cancer so I could understand what Jesus did for me and you that little bit more. Cancer has taught me to have faith and believe in people. Because while they may not be the people you expect to be there for you. To love you even. Cancer has been an inspiration to me, to my wife and so many others so far. Always look for the good, even if it’s a bad situation. You won’t know it’s there unless you look.
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
Hi all so here is my year, what 2015 had in store for me. I suppose I had better put a link up first to the song I continue to play to this day. Knowing my friends and family are there for me and were there when I needed them most.
I had planned to reach out to people with cancer at the end of 2014 and planned to be effective in people’s lives using the medium of social networks like face book and Twitter. I planned to encourage people that cancer could be beaten as I was heading into my 3 rd year cancer free. I was tentertive in doing this because I never felt cancer had left me, but I had to start believing!! It was nearly 3 years that my doctor had told me I had been in remission for. Start being grateful I said to myself and start to bless others who are not so fortunate to get a remission diagnosis. That’s why cancer stories was set up to reach people, to communicate and hopefully encourage the people out there that needed other people and hopefully build a community of caring folk that would be there for each other.
I so wanted 2015 to be a productive year, a year where people were blessed. For me though I had to wait to get the news of my biopsy. Christmas Eve I was having a lump I found taken out only a couple of weeks after finding it. In the first week of 2015 I found out I had cancer again, same place same desease. Hodgkins Lymphoma.
Although a shock, a real shock…. I was not surprised. I was to go on ICE chemotherapy almost straight away to prepare me for my transplant. Bone marrow transplant in hospital isolated. ( I know some of you know ). I decided early on that I was going to take it day by day and not look to far into the future. Of course I needed to know what needed to be done, but I decided to deal with things on a day to day basis… Wake up, do what needed to be done, then go to sleep and repeat. Of course it did not pan out like that, me being me I decided to carry on with the journey I had decided to go on before I realised I was to have cancer again. Cancer stories, although there are not many members (just over 200) we are all there to support each other. It soon became apparent that the group I had set up to help other people was going to be of huge benefit to me.
Many people helped me, encouraged me, cryed with me. Supported me, laughed with me, or at me. The chemo was horrendous, the procedures were unbearable. But no matter what there was always cancer stories, a place where people understood what cancer was about. An army of people that helped us both to believe when we felt we had no more in us, yo believe we CAN when it seemed impossible. We had a weeks holiday in Northumberland just before I had to go into isolation, it was a much needed rest from the seemingly constant trips to the hospital appointments, chemo, scans, and of course the 8 extractions of my teeth just to be accepted for the transplant.
During my time in the room I made allot of friends, although my wife was with me ( I don’t know how she did it ) but she did. She was there everyday for me, sat by my side. Constant support and encouragement, my soul mate and best friend. Many of you at Cancer stories were there for me everyday. My dad messaged me everyday without fail, such was his commitment to me.
3rd June 2015 I left hospital and drove myself home, yep that right I drove home. Then started the blood tests every week to make sure my blood was recovering and I was responding properly to being neutrapeenic. All seemed well and I have now gotten to the point where I am back on 3 monthly visits, not seeing anyone at hospital now till next year is a very different year to last year. But one thing 2015 has taught me, and that is never to assume anything. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, it’s what you do today that matters. Cancer stories turned into a group of people that to this day relentlessly by choice. Show love and support to those fighting.
What was your 2015 like?
Have a good next year, thanks for your support Cancer stories
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
I give myself a lot of hassle you know, put myself under pressure to achieve, to do when I feel I have no energy. Still I wake up late most days, still have sleepless nights nightmares and get frustrated at how little energy I have. Should I really though, should I not be happy to be here. When I remember what we faced this time last year, non of the attempts to find out if it was indeed cancer again had failed. Christmas Eve was about having the lump in my neck removed to find out what was ahead. For some an operation is just another step forwards, for me it’s a huge stumbling block that I could not have overcome without my wife. If I am here today it’s because of my Andie, the role I played was to do what I needed to do.
Just over 6 months ago it was when I walked out of that hospital, having had my bone marrow transplant. Weird thinking that this will be the first Christmas in this house cancer free. Maybe just now writing this , and reading what I am writing is making me feel like it’s real. Maybe only now am I starting to believe, that it’s true that a cancer free Christmas is possible. That we are going to have the cancer free Christmas we dream of. A bone marrow transplant is a 3 week minimum operation, going into some dark places. Yet I still give myself grief, that I am not as strong as I feel I should be. Maybe my bar is set to high, set so high I won’t get there. Or maybe I have a need within me to encourage as many people on this planet as possible. That they can, where they think they can’t that they CAN.
There are many people in my circle I admire, people I look up to, people that have stood by me and stood by Andie no matter what. I will continue to expect of myself and continue to do. Because the thought of not doing just feels so Empty, it’s not what we are made of. To demand more of yourself is not a bad thing, if you are able to look around you and appreciate the world you live in. To appreciate the life you have been given, enjoying the sounds and sites the world has to offer. Knowing it’s because you did that you enjoy today.
Enjoy your week running up to the day, we remember the birth of Jesus.
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
Cancer changes lives by there becoming a new normal. Some may even say that normal does no exsist after you have been touched by cancer. I don’t know about that, but what is a very real fact is that many people that have suffered cancer do not ever find what’s normal again. I do have an idea for a solution though. I do feel it’s appropriate to know where you are going, to have an end game goal. It does however seem to me that people are putting to much pressure on themselves to be the normal that they were. That it’s unacceptable to have a new normal, does normal exsist on a daily basis.i think people confuse normal with comfort or continuity, that life has no change in it. Is it not the change that we face that causes people to feel depressed. Is it not mearly how we interpret the change that we face and how we choose to deal with it. I know depression is not a choice, but positivity is. Speaking good, happy and nice things are a choice.
People don’t like change and that is a fact, we like things to be predictable. Unfortunately cancer is far from predictable, I think in allot (not all) it’s our attitude to what may be ahead that may mean that we are able to beat it or not. Depression is after all a state of mind, and only those that have depression may disagree because they are happy to predict that they will be depressed tomorrow. People that say they are depressed will be that way, that is unless the person suggests it may be the case and are not happy to be in this state.
What I say to people is, you are what you want yo be. If you say it, it’s so. I have heard it argued that depression is a condition, I agree. But it’s a condition you choose to NOT have, someone today put it like this. I am in that black hole they call depression, the place where everything seems bad.
Please don’t misunderstand me I know only to well what it feels like to feel helpless,mot not want treatment anymore. To not have the strength to carry on. I know how it feels to have no answers, to put into google the word “positivity” because I was in a place where I had non. So never think that I don’t know what it’s like to be at my lowest eb because I do. I really do.
When I wake everyday, I do my best to say positive things, to avoid at all costs the black hole. We say what we are, and we believe what we say. Why wouldn’t we after all we are the person we know best in the world, so if we say we are depressed we are right. Yes that’s right you are, because you said it. Oh rest assured you will be depressed if you have said it, say it again and you will be even more. You say you can’t do something your right. The only person stopping you doing anything is you, the only person giving you the ability to say yes is you.
You are the solution to your happiness, yes of course if your happy to be in that condition you will disagree with this whole blog.mpositivity is an action, a decision. These are my opinions based on my own journey, I am not a doctor, but I am drawing on choices I make everyday. Start speaking life to yourself, start telling yourself your happy to be alive. I wonder how long it will be before you realise that day you do that, that you have had a better day.
Have a great day
Fonz http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
