I guess this should be a merry Christmas post, or happy something or other if your religion is that of those that consider Christianity and Christmas non exsistant or offensive. Good news it’s not, it’s about pain. It’s about the people that never asked for pain, they never did a stunt and broke a leg, or tried to commit suicide. Although some have, but that’s another blog. This is about people that are not able to escape from their demon PAIN!
Pain really screws up your day, makes things that seem simple to others impossible once it takes hold. You do your best to be as normal as possible. Yet no matter what you do outwardly it never disappears. Only those that know pain know what I mean. You wake up with it and go to bed with it. It never dissapears. It’s not like a pin prick, or a broken limb, it chips away at you never ever resting. Until you have had enough and it does not matter that it’s the time of year, or the love you are supposed to feel. It’s just about doing the best you can. You smile so others feel good. I mean, no one is ever interested in what’s going on with you really are they “Snap out of it” “smile ” they say.
Well I just want to say, sometimes words that I never normally want to say. F…K Y.U have a little understanding by putting yourself where they are. But you can’t can you? because you don’t understand. Please don’t glance over what a pain suffer feels, what we feel is as important as a child. Only we don’t get to take our pain away for the evening, to have a meal without it. We just have it, and nothing we do will enable us to escape. We are trapped by a consuming fire, chemo can cause permanent damage. I have that, it grinds you down and you feel useless, and extremely worthless. Yea some people say ” great life you don’t have to work ” I laugh. Because I do work in lots of ways. Just do no matter what is my advice. But above all else, be honest. If the person speaks about themselves in response. Well you know, and I know they are trying to understand. It’s not their fault really. Give those that don’t understand a prayer this Christmas. Of course pray for al, those in pain this Christmas, they really do matter.
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
Throughout my life there have been many stages, but one lesson I would say is perhaps the hardest, or maybe took the longest. Was to learn to love myself, you see most people blame situations people, ( I was dealt a bad hand) my friend says it like. The people in the pub that have a woulda coulda story – if only it was not for such and such. Well it’s all a load of rubbish. Absolute BS. Our future is in our hands but unfortunately, if we don’t live ourselves we will find life is so much harder than it would otherwise be should we be happy with who we are. We have to become that person that when the person who is looking back, your content with. I am not saying the full article because no human is ever the ful article in my opinion. We learn until the day we die if always want to improve ourselves.
I personally want to better today than I was yesterday, I think they call it growing. Always learning and always becoming a better you. Let me put it this way, a house needs solid foundations to last. Without solid foundations there will be cracks in the plaster in time, bricks will move and the house will become unstable. Loving yourself is the foundation for everything we build on top of it, a relationship, the ability to live with your whole heart, holding down a good job, respect from others. No one will respect you if you don’t respect yourself.
I found the right person to marry because I had found myself in travelling Australia, yup that’s what it took for me. It was not till I was 36 and a broken marriage behind me that I became truly happy with the reflection in my mirror. Very late in life I would say, but at least I got there in the end. Cancer has honed me, made me a better more rounded person enabling me to see life through the eyes of a disability. The disability being the disabling treatments that my cancer demanded. In your life you will have your own challenges, but what ever happens in your life love the person who you are before you build a life.
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
I read an article today on a site called Had cancer, talking about different ways that we feel sometimes years after having had chemotheropy. Some doctors say it does not exsist, (apparently) I have never had this exsperience with doctors myself but then I am quite a large person both physically and in personality. After reading the article I realised that maybe I could write about the very thing that frustrates me so much. So let me explain how it is for me as a cancer patient that like the person who wrote the article. I had cancer!
So for me when I was having chemo, even my first chemo (mine was very strong) it had to be I was at 4 a and in a bad way. Close to losing my life and riddled with cancer. Remember in previous blogs I have talked about chemo feeling like snakes in your head, it did. Sometimes your head even hurts as you remember stuff, but then your brain is a muscle. It has lots of connections in the brain that need to work in a certain way. Now I am not a doctor, but it makes sense to me that maybe the brain has been affected in a small way by the drugs pumped into my body. I do forget things where I didn’t before. So I have to write things down to remember them. Where as before I really never did I just remembered.
Trust me no cancer patient uses it as an excuse, after all who wants to forget? I look like a Pratt sometimes because I repeat myself, repeat myself. Seriously though it’s embarrassing.
Picture by Fine acupuncture.com
People that have not had cancer will never understand how it affects a human being. How can they, we must excuse their ignorance in not trying to even understand. I have been insulted, even misjudged by people close to me. I have to realise it’s not something they will understand unless they try to. Walking around pointing the finger at someone suffering does not help anyone.
Chemo brain can last for years so if it’s you, know it’s a possible normal for you. It’s frustrating because people may get annoyed at you, no one will understand unless they have researched what you maybe feeling. It does not mean we have lost our intelligence. It means we have been affected by chemothearopy, our memories may not be up to scratch but it does not mean we are inadequate. Far from it, chemo brain is real. But the fact is that chemo brain is much more frustrating for the person with it than it is for the person communicating with that person. Have a great day and know that your not alone, there are I suspect many that will read this and realise that it’s normal and even feel a bit better about it. Because others feel what they do.
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
Do you know the differance? Ok well here is my take on it. If your a friend to someone you will listen to understand what they are going through or facing. If you listen to reply, you are more interested in what your opinion is than helping the person to deal with the problem they are telling you about. God, if you believe there is a God ( I do). When he made us made us with 2 ears and one mouth, interesting don’t you think? Does that not mean we should listen more than we speak, sounds daft as I write this as I love speaking, but I also love to solution stuff. The only way we can solution is by listening, I love coming up with answers to situations. But hate jigsaws.
For a long time in my life I thought that people wanted to hear my opinion, when in fact the person that really wanted to hear my opinion was Me. I was a selfish person in some ways, even though my motive may have been good the result of my motive was to reply with my opinion.
I have realised that by listening your learning, and when your speaking you are not learning anything at all. It’s a skill to listen and one I am working on everyday, as I endeavour to complete my challenge of blogging everyday for a whole year. 365 days. I am busy learning to as I get feedback from people, people that care, some are surprised that I am nearly 3/4 of the way through and still am doing what I said I would do. I know it’s helping people be use people are telling me and I am listening. Using the skill I am honing to listen to other people to understand as opposed to reply.
Listening to understand not only gives us more knowledge but also it helps us to understand people and their situations. Which I turn gives us experience. The one thing about exsperience is you can’t buy it, you can buy someone to tell us from their exsperience, but if we want to have exsperience we have no choice but to listen and learn from someone else. Because that’s what listening to understand does. It gives us the exsperience that we can call on in another situation in the future. We may be able to recall what we have learnt and help us in our very own situation. This may mean nothing to you, you may think you know what I am saying and don’t need to hear it. If that’s the case then you will not learn anything.
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
This is what one of the richest men ever to become wealthy thought of life. Some of the things I have been saying in my blogs… This writing may not be exact, some think incorrect. I just think the words are perfect and for all mankind!
Steve Jobs’ Last Words –
I reached the pinnacle of success in the business world.
In others’ eyes, my life is an epitome of success.
However, aside from work, I have little joy. In the end, wealth is only a fact of life that I am accustomed to.
At this moment, lying on the sick bed and recalling my whole life, I realize that all the recognition and wealth that I took so much pride in, have paled and become meaningless in the face of impending death.
In the darkness, I look at the green lights from the life supporting machines and hear the humming mechanical sounds, I can feel the breath of god of death drawing closer…
Now I know, when we have accumulated sufficient wealth to last our lifetime, we should pursue other matters that are unrelated to wealth…
Should be something that is more important:
Perhaps relationships, perhaps art, perhaps a dream from younger days …
Non-stop pursuing of wealth will only turn a person into a twisted being, just like me.
God gave us the senses to let us feel the love in everyone’s heart, not the illusions brought about by wealth.
The wealth I have won in my life I cannot bring with me.
What I can bring is only the memories precipitated by love.
That’s the true riches which will follow you, accompany you, giving you strength and light to go on.
Love can travel a thousand miles. Life has no limit. Go where you want to go. Reach the height you want to reach. It is all in your heart and in your hands.
What is the most expensive bed in the world? – “Sick bed” …
You can employ someone to drive the car for you, make money for you but you cannot have someone to bear the sickness for you.
Material things lost can be found. But there is one thing that can never be found when it is lost – “Life”.
When a person goes into the operating room, he will realize that there is one book that he has yet to finish reading – “Book of Healthy Life”.
Whichever stage in life we are at right now, with time, we will face the day when the curtain comes down.
Treasure Love for your family, love for your spouse, love for your friends…
Treat yourself well. Cherish others.
Look after each other
Who you were you cannot change, but what you become is in your hands. You can be what ever you want to be, do what ever you want to do. You can achieve what ever you want to achieve. It’s believing what you say is true. You see for you to achieve what you want to achieve it means you first have to believe it’s possible then step out in faith putting one foot in front of the other, and move forward. You see the further you move forwards the dimmer the light of your “what was” will be. Of course I am meaning for my cancer journey, it’s not something I want or need to remember. The more days I live without cancer, the more I believe it’s possible to have a future with out it.
Whilst this blog will be short, it’s just to remind you and me. That because we have had cancer and are in remmission, this does not define us as a person. Even if you are having treatment it does not define you, what defines you is what you do right now. What you choose to become, your not defined by what someone thinks of you, what their opinion is, is not for you to know. What matters is what you want out of this life, if that’s to sit with your head in your hands blaming God knows what as to the reason you have cancer. That’s your choice, and that is what defines you. But I want you to know that you have the choice everyday to leave that past behind you. The definition of you is in your hands.
You are so much more than you are today.
Fonz
http://www.fonzandcancer.com
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@fonzmark
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It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
Today I went to see Roy and Vickie, we talked seamlessly for over 2 hours. It was a really pleasant time, Roy shared with me his cancer story. It was a good time, I was asked the same question as Dave and Anne asked me though. “Do I ever get down” so now I will tell you how I cope with that, how I did cope with that, and hopefully what makes me feel like that.
It’s hard to know where to start really, because people seem to think I am some kind of infalable being that just gets on an does it. (Not true) it’s hard for me to talk about being weak, as it’s not in my nature to show that side of me. However the bible talks about when I am weak then he is strong. Don’t get me wrong I am not going to come across all religious on you, but this is how it happened to me. I remember quite distinctly the day that I realised beating cancer was not possible, cancer stories did not exsist then. I know if it had I would most certainly have coped better, I remember watching a movie I think it was called the awakening. Robert de Nero played a part of someone who deteriated badly, I remember how I wept the know the audible crying, feeling like you are out of control. I dropped to my knees that night, I cryed out loud. Please help me if your there, I can’t do this alone. I was not finding it hard fighting cancer, I could no longer do it anymore. It was just a wave of negativity that flooded my being, it would not be the last either. That was just the beginning of digging to the deepest you thought possible,my then having to dig deeper again.
Us humans are stubborn when it comes to losing our lives, or I was anyway. I had found the recipe for the rest of my life, a good wife, a great house. My little sports car, my faith but the one thing that was holding all that together was my health. Even so, no matter how sick I felt I always got up, I remember one day when I did not get up till 5 pm. There being a cold chill in my room, it felt like I was being taken. Dieing, that I was slipping away. I felt like I was being pulled out of a sleeping bag as they tried to take my life. I refused and fought like hell that day, getting up for tea time. I dare not sleep that day and night drinking plenty of fluid, feeling like snakes were in my head. The drugs I was on were pioneering drugs, as I was on a trial for a new drug that I agreed to have put in my body. Eventually over Christmas 2011 I finished my chemo and had the Christmas they said I would not have without the treatment. Apparently I had gotten into remission. No fan fare no party, they were just words that I did not believe. I felt all along it was still there!
I was explaining today how my cancer hid, and although I was supposed to be in remission. I knew the cancer cells were hiding in my bones. I could feel them almost laughing at me. Non of the scans picked it up, as they were rougue cells and scanners only picked up clusters. Everyday I would get up and wonder if today was the day it would show itself. Although I did put faith into practice by buying a Labrador and calling her Faith as that’s what I needed to get into remmission.
I remember when it came back again (hard recalling this) coiling up into a ball and crying my heart out. The consultant had told me I would have to have my bone marrow removed, and have a stem cell transplant. This was to be done in isolation in a tiny room. Excuse my language, but how in the hell could I possibly do that, were they mad! I could see no way. For me it was a step to far, an impossible ask. I ached hopelessly inside, I asked time and time again if there was another option. Non what so ever this was my only hope, no more life for me with out it. It made me shake, I would be physically sick at the thought.
In everyone of those moments, I made myself read positivity. Quotes from the bible, positive people on Twitter, Google and many other places just positives. Friends, family, everyone was only to speak positively to me. No moaning. When I finally got into the room. That big silverback became a weak hopeless human, put into the hands of medicine.
The day I became nutrapenic, I felt really strange I left my body and even though I was talking to Andie, I felt like I was actually leaving the planet. I held on tight to Andies hand, I believed it was to early. That what was the point in me being the one who did not make it surely there was a reason for me having this. As I hovered above myself I remember hearing the words “not yet” I don’t know who said them but it certainly was a comfort to me. The day before that I had been sat by the window shaking violently, imagining myself timing sheets together to escape. The door was always open, I could have left at any time, it was not escape from Alcatraz. That’s what being neutapenic made me feel.
So my friends, all of these things I felt, some I still feel. I know what the guilt feels like, to have made it where others don’t. That’s the only “why me” sentence I have said. Remember this, when you think there is no more to give. There always is, with determination AND FAITH you. “yes you” can do ANYTHING. Don’t give up, because you have friends.
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
Strange title you think? Really? Well if you think it’s strange you have not seen someone in remission, fight and win or you think cancer has taken loved ones to soon. You see for me whilst I have fought like hell and won, along the way I have found inspirational people, people that I would not have met had it not been for cancer. Cancer stories has given everyone there the gift of friendship with someone.
People around the world have been put in touch with each other and are talking to each other about the journey they had, and encouraging another who maybe facing the same journey. A couple of online papers have talked about what we have done, people message me with kindness. Giving encouragement to me to carry on blogging. If I am honest, I am exhausted today, finding it hard to stay awake even. Someone said the other day, cancer is the gift that keeps on giving. I am not sure if that was meant in a negative or positive way. But most certainly our attitude to what we face can help us, or hinder our progress. The daft thing is, by holding our head in our hands does in fact hinder us.
It’s only by standing up and choosing to face cancer and all that goes with it, that we find some good in the journey of Hell called cancer. For instance my friends Dave and Anne we would not know had we not been affected by cancer, we would not know those lovely people that are most certainly an asset to our lives most certainly not a hinderance. Anne serves a mean chocolate eclair and not just any eclair either. Only mns in their house. We have come into contact with many people with great hearts, even gaining a sister along the way. Cancer whilst attempting to take my life has given us gifts, not without looking for the gifts did we find them though.
The fact of the matter is though that cancer comes with some positivity once we are able to see through the pain that it gave to us, be it death, physical pain, disability, cancer helps us to value what ever we have left, it gives us a new way to look at life. Only being touched by cancer can we see this way of looking at the world. Because without cancer I would not have the sensitivity towards people I have now, and the tanasity to turn away from negativity. Each minute becomes more precious than before and there is no room in it to be wasted around anyone that has an inability to look at the positives that life has to offer.
Enjoy today, it’s a great day.
Fonz
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
Some may have put, things they don’t want to happen this year, but I prefer to have a positive spin on things. There are lots of things I want to happen but I guess the no 1 I need to put last. The opposite to what you would expect in the hope that you read the whole blog 😆.
So in no particular order apart from my no1 which will be last.
I Want to be a 34 ” waist I keep kidding myself I am a 36″ but all my jeans are stretching, as I have to breath in to put them on.
To get out in Trevor more this year.
To write better than ever before.
To get 200 followers on my WordPress account.
To help more people in 2016 than I did in 2015.
To do the jobs I said I would do in 2015 in 2016.
To pick up my nephew Zac from school just once in Trevor.
To fulfil an ambition (I will blog about that when it happens)
To not voice my disappointments, but accept its not my problem to deal with.
To put my wife before anyone else ALL year. ( I believe I do that every year) nothing wrong with a bit of consistency.
To complete my 365 day blog challenge. I have completed 249 so far.
To get 1000 a day average view ( maybe unattainable ) I am not that good yet.
To encourage more people in their own blogging experience.
Lastly to remain cancer free!
I do not want cancer in my life at all from now on, but it does take effort to eat well and not binge on anything, like sweet things, pop, chocolate, ect. Eating well takes effort and Percy verance . Staying away from processed foods makes a huge difference to. Some processed foods for example – farmed salmon have canceragenic Properties. It’s a huge subject and one I want to learn more about this year.
Have you written down some goals for this year? Thanks to all of you that read and share with out you my blogs would be just read by friends and family. Thank you.
Have a great week, see this Monday as a new start and a new opportunity. NOT the Monday feeling of the holiday is over.
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
How many times did I watch Tony heart, he was one of life’s inspirers. He encouraged children to do works of art, I will never forget what you gave us and me Tony. Wow such a loss.. I will not forget you. This happened in 2009 but I love to remember people. I figure by blogging it’s there forever.
I love to make small tributes to people’s lives that have affected our now. Now morph did not affect it, but he did and has made me laugh many times I wonder what you remember?
Did you know this is a kind of bullying, even a form of abuse. Many people reject someone because of the way they look, maybe because they have some kind of desease. During my cancer journey I have been rejected by so many people that do not understand cancer. We have all felt it in our lives, we know what it’s like to not be liked by the kid on the street, or the work colleague that excludes you. I guess people reject anything or anyone that is not the same as them.
I used to get very scared as a young boy, because when I was bullied I would get into trouble at home as well. Because more often than not I would get my coat stolen or bleed on a new shirt. I without doubt suffered rejection allot in my life, especially by the bullies on the bus. I have chosen to show love to all people and smile at and with people, I have chosen a path where I don’t judge everyone I meet, I choose to love everyone I meet. People want to bury their heads in the sand and pretend it’s not happened or happening. Well sorry for those that want a quiet life and for the truth to be unspoken, or just not speak of it. I have many things I wish to speak about, from now on I will, I won’t keep my thoughts under lock and key anymore. The world will know the truth and that truth shall set me free.
I have learned how to love, because I have been shown what true love is, it’s consistency, acceptance, and putting the other person first ALWAYS.
It’s 1 Corinthians 13
1 Corinthians 13New International Version (NIV) While I hope to be some of 1 Corinthians every day, I do know I am not perfect. But do my best every day.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails.
It’s my wife that has taught me what consistency is, what home is. For the first time in my life as an adult I know what home feels like. The time before that I was 4,5,6 yrs old when we lived in Brighton now it’s in southport. I have lived here for nearly 6 years and even though I have fought off the beast called cancer whilst living here. It still feels like home. That feeling when you put the log fire on and settle down with our dog by my side and my wife with me, along with the cat stretched out in front of the fire. My home is not just a place to live, it’s a place where I feel welcome, loved and wanted by all the people that live here. That’s after all my safe place, a place where we don’t hurt each other, a place where we feel warm secure and needed. No feeling of rejection will anyone feel in our home, because our home is a place of safety.
Rejection in cancer exsists in everyone’s journey I am finding out, it’s sad that people cut other’s off or alienate them because they are not well . It’s not just people with cancer either, it’s people that are misunderstood. People facing a situation that quite frankly the person who does not understand it does not even bother to find out about it.
If that’s you and you need support there is a group of people that have had similar experiences called cancer stories
You will be welcomed there, people who have had similar exsperiences and can empathise with you. So know your not alone, it’s common place in cancer but there is love and support out there from people that understand what you are feeling and experience. People there have been where you are and will do what we can for you.
Have a good day
Fonz
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
Wow this week has been amazing! It’s now Saturday my worst day in stats on wordpress is always a Saturday. But yesterday, New Year’s Day. Broke more records than Elton John. I had more likes yesterday than any other day, more followers follow my blog than any other day and my blog had been read by more people than ever before. As you can imagine I was really chuffed, I was chuffed for a couple of reasons. My main reason though was that more people were obviously interested in my writings therefore more people were being encouraged by the hell I had been through. Meaning my consistency in blogging was and is worth it.
As you can see from the picture 467 ain’t bad for a new blogger right? Or am I wrong, am I still not doing so good? The feeling is good that I have I mean in the same week there was a day with 967 views I mean that’s nearly a thousand. More than all the pupils that went to my high school!
There are my stats for the week last night. So what’s the point of today’s blog. Well it’s to thank all of you for reading and making New Year’s Day a special day for me in 2016 it’s a great start. So thank you! I was getting dispondent that is until yesterday when I also met another blogger called hugsandblessings she encouraged me and it was then that I realised, you need me like I need you. That you need me to help others read your blog, and I need you for the same reason. I know it’s obvious but it was like a eureka moment. God bless you all.
Lastly to all of you that are dispondent like I was, seeing my weekly stats dwindle week on week. If you help others by telling others about someone else they will help you out naturally. Have a healthy new year everyone, I am hopefully going to enjoy a cancer free year. Now that’s worth fighting for.
Have a great weekend
Fonz
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
It so sad that this has to happen to each and everyone of us, Natalie Cole dieing. Whilst sad, exstemly sad. She has without doubt left behind a legacy encouraged by her dad, Nat King Cole.
So now it’s time for us to miss you like crazy Natalie. Thanks so much for the legacy you have left, you will never be forgotten.
This lady was part of my childhood, and of so many more around the world. No amount of money can stop the enevitable, it just makes me so much more than ever before want to make a differance in the short life that I have.
Who has the right to stop you from being who you are, no one. I myself pride myself on being the person that says yes to my wife, the person that encourages her to achieve her goals. That’s why she drives the car she does, that’s why she has the opportunities she does. I have no right to stop her being who she is, no one has the right to stop you either. I read a blog today, in the blog she spoke about. If you want a burger have it, I agree. We only get one chance at this life so be who you are, don’t dress yourself up with all the pretentious shite people seem to want to do these days. I refuse to be in a place where there are people, that expect of me in a certain way.
What of that? Does that make me selfish, or does that make me an individual. So many people follow each other’s example, mimicking them almost. Why is it then that a Billionaire wants to have something no one in the world has. Well I think it’s because they can afford to. I want to be the person I am from now on, why? Because I have fought for these days and there is nowhere, no place for people to attempt, to Mold me into something I am not. In this life and in this year. Are you going to follow the masses, or are you going to be the person you want to be.
You see by “fitting in” some people call it, you are effectively pleasing those around you and not yourself. My wife is an individual, I don’t own her I am not her boss. But what I am is someone who encourages her to be the person she feels comfortable with.
The only change you need to make in 2016 is to be TRUE to yourself. Those that want me to fit in are in for a shock because it’s not what I will be doing with my life from now on. I will be being myself and I will be unconcerned what others opinions are. At the same time being interested to hear what someone’s thoughts on a subject are. Cancer has gone, I am here.
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
2015 review, wow where do I start. Well I guess that would be 1st January 2015 but that’s not where the year began for me I began on the lads holiday 2014. When I felt a lump in my neck and knew I had to mention it to my consultant on my appointment 2 days after landing back in the uk. That led to an operation then ICE chemotherapy each cycle done over a 3 day period, in Feb, March and April then Beam chemo in isolation for 6 days and nights in May. completing 30 full days of chemotherapy in 5 years.
Just to explain a little what it took for the transplant, for those who know nothing of what’s required. Stem cell harvest wes allot of fun having a canular in one arm and a 1.5 mm needle in the other whilst they took my blood out harvested it in a machine, then put it back in my body. The whole process lasts about 5 hours repeated on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday until I had 4 million cells were collected.
I remember on one particular day, a gentleman sat opposite, he has a hicc an line in so the needle was not required. You can’t move at all for the 5 hours, and watching his son eat a Burger King did make me salavate some what and get food envy.
The transplant itself lasted 3 weeks laid in a bed in a room 15 ft X 12 ft. With only a tv and an I pad for company. The nurses who I can’t name made the Experience more bearable, I can’t name the staff at the Royal Liverpool but they are an amazing team as are the team in the MDU at southport. Without a doubt our local GP Dr Hindle played a huge part in saving my life.
It was also the start of the first complete year for the group made possible by its 210 members. A group that not only has helped people along the way. It has helped people to help themselves to save their own lives. Needing the very people I had set out to help whilst on a new cancer journey again. You see I was in remission when I set up cancer stories, and although I felt I was not in remission, I hoped it would not return. It did.
Whilst the group has encouraged many, it has also seen much sadness spare a moment as we think of those that have left us.
Noel Smalley
Rita Hodgeon
Becca Parkes
James D peace
There are others that have passed but I am not permitted to speak of them in public.
Sadly missed but not forgotten
It was a year where I strove to get on my lads holiday in Turkey, seeing it as my goal to achieve. I lasted 2 days and came home to find that 24 hours later the hotel was swamped by water. Not a place for someone 100 days out of bone marrow transplant. My friends made the best of what they had, 8 days later going to Mexico with my wife, where we would meet friends for life and enjoy some of the best weather they had seen at that time of year.
Mexico was to end up being our true celebration, not only to have an end to all that treatment, but to finally be declared cancer free once more. The word cured was even used. We celebrated our anniversary 5 years married to my amazing wife, who has been by my side all the way through all my cancer Experience, I can’t bring 2015 to an end with out mentioning someone else. Rachel Brown for allowing Andie to have her time by my side in hospital whilst having my bone marrow transplant.
Finally knowing I have another day each morning is an amazing feeling and as a consequence I never want to waste a moment of it unhappy. We also celebrated Andie turning 40, and hope to make a special announcement soon regarding Andies Carrea.
Outside of my personal experiences and support from family and friends. I want to say thank you to all those at cancer stories there are to many to list, but you all know who you are that reach out to other people sharing your journeys with others encouraging and enthusing people to get themselves into remission. Thank God for hospitals and people that dedicate their lives so we may have life, that we may continue to breath and encourage other people where they are at.
Wasn’t it amazing that 15 people that had never met were able to enjoy a meal together, almost being kicked out after 4 hrs 45 mins of constant chat without a break. A complete privilege. Bless you each and every one.
I have hope in my heart and faith that many of you will improve in 2016, I hope with a hopeful heart that you will know words like remission and cure in between the scans and sunshine, rainy and cloudy days.
Thank you to all of you that have supported us, well it’s time to look forwards now. To buy gym memberships that we will use twice, give up fatty foods for a 2 day diet before we get over our guilt trips and live normally again. Start walking to the shops, until we remember having a car was easier.
Have a great 2016 and all the best
Fonz
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
One of the reasons I was able to overcome cancer, was that me and my wife and the friends and family on the journey with us were all pulling together. How I like to explain it is like this.
When ever me and Andie have a problem that needs solving, we talk about it together and work out a strategy together. I see the problem as a block of concrete so big that it cannot be moved by just one person. Both of us need to be pulling the block for it to move. But not only do we have to move it together, we have to both be pulling in the same direction. It’s no good if the idea is split in 2 and 2 people are pulling different ways. Nothing ever gets achieved that way, me and Andie have achieved so much this past year. Tomorrows blog will be thinking about all the things we have achieved together because we are both pulling in one direction.
Andie had an opportunity to be promoted from the role she is in over 12 months ago, it would have been wrong at that time in our lives facing beating cancer again. You see cancer tried to fight me, to bring me down to put me under, defeat me and affect our life in a negative way. Two people like us will never allow a situation to ultimately affect us in a negative way because we choose to work together to make the best of what we DO have. We don’t focus on what we cannot change like people’s actions towards us. The responses of people to us are just something we cannot change, what people chose or choose to do on any day in particular we cannot do anything about. It’s ultimately our response to it that matters, people can say and do hurtful things. It could be deemed bullying or even rejection, we choose together to work together to make the best of everything. Even removing yourself from a negative situation that can’t be changed can help with getting to the destination.
Our new destination for the next phase in our lives we can’t tell you at the moment, but I can tell you that we will be touching more people’s lives than ever before in 2016. There will always be people there to try and take the shine off of what your aiming to do, I get shocked as to where the people come from that try to bring you down with their own limitations which some regard as negativity. You see this is the truth of life. The only person that stops your dream, or restricts it is the very mind that dreams the dream. The problem with big dreams, is the fact that with it brings more possibility for failure. I prefer to dream big and then break that down into successful days, weeks, months, and years.
You are in control of the direction you choose, our direction is by supporting each other in making our dreams come true. I hope your enjoying your next to last day in 2015.
I hope you had a successful 2015. I also hope you enjoy planning your 2016.
Fonz
http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
The only way to do great work is to love what you do. I have a personal addiction, that is to people that are at the top of their game, people that have become the best that’s possible in that field. People that have used a lifetime, becoming the best at what they do. The only have one thing in common, all these people love what they do. They have not seen it as a chore to work, they have seen it as a way of life. Enjoying what they do everyday that some people call work, I am at a cross roads myself. I know what I love to do, I know that I am good at it and hope to pursue it to be the best I can be at it.
I adore encouraging people, I love to give people hope. It’s a passion of mine, I have and do not seek to make a living from it. I just want to make a difference in people’s lives, to help them to see the best in themselves.
I am fascinated by people like Steve jobs, Bill gates, Peter Jones, Duncan Balyntyne, Lewis Hamilton, Guy Martin, to name a few people that inspire me. People that love what they do, people that are passionate about what they do. It was then that I realised something else that they had in common. All of them wanted or want other people to be successful, all of them encourage other people to become the best they can be. Whilst being at the top of their game, they have other people working with them that are also at the top of their game to. I have allot of friends who are at the top of what they do, I am married to one of them. Two people who have been the most influential people on the planet I think are Steve jobs and Bill Gates. These people have made a fortune by helping people to have tec in their hands that can make them money. Something I am using right now. My IPad. Mine is the latest with the biggest memory. That’s thanks to the late Steve Job, also influenced by Bill gates. They both shared similar ethics. Building their company’s on Software, by giving us (the public) the capability of making software by providing us with the tools to make software. In turn helping people to make money at home by making things such as Apps.
I myself have chosen to write a blog a day for a year in the hope of reaching people experiencing cancer treatment, or the effects of cancer. To encourage them that they can win their battle also. I have not found it a chore writing my blogs, because it’s something that I love doing, now whilst I know I am not at the top of my game like Steve jobs was. I do know I am making a difference largely because of his vision to help people to help themselves with the tool for the job. ( no pun intended)
We all have an opportunity, it’s called Life. Are you wasting yours or using yours. That’s the key isn’t it, to use what you have (life) and use it to help others whilst not forgetting that family is THE most important in your life. At the beginning of my blogging journey, I did not really care about my spelling. But now I am starting to care a bit more, to do my best to be the best I can be. I don’t call mistakes failure, I call then lessons and a chance to learn.
I really hope this blog has encouraged you today, if nothing else to not settle until you find what you love to do, in turn doing great work because you love it. If I could only shake the hand of the man that has inspired me to inspire you. If indeed you are inspired.
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
Seems a strange thing to say doesn’t it, thank you cancer, but cancer has given me so much. It came into my life twice and tried to end my life twice. It picked the wrong man, my attitude was always that I would win. Never once did I imagine I would lose. I am fortunate though, if it was not for my mum I would for sure be dead. Had she never told me I should get my lump checked out. See I just thought it was a swollen gland, never even once did I think a lump could possibly kill me! Well it didn’t it came and never realised just how hard it would be to get the better of me. I managed to get the better of it, not without the help of my family and friends.
My blog today Monday 28th December had the best day ever, even surpassing the blog ” The Night I fell in love with Rita’s mum ” now it’s the blog about Steve Job that has now had the most hits, having more hits than the whole of last week in one day. Cancer has given me so many gifts, it has given me a new found wonder in the planet, I get pleasure from small things, our cat laid in front of the fire melts my heart. Children playing fills me with joy, I built a bike up for my friends son today. Seeing his beaming face was priceless. Everything on the planet is more valuable, family time is precious any time with my wife I adore and will not have it ruined.
Birds singing a chorus, fish, laughter. My friend said the other day “Small things can make me tear up” it’s the same for me also. Cancer has given me friends I would not have had, it’s given me the group Cancer stories. It’s given me a desire to have love in the home that I live in. More than ever I did. My dog enjoying a run, so many things I appreciate more because I HAD cancer. For that I have to thank my mum, because without her I would be dead. Thank you Mum.
Try and find your positive in your situation, because if you look they WILL be there.
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
We all have families, some are real loving ones. Some are distant in miles, some are wealthy. I am wealthy in family, because I have a loving wife who loves me dearly and knows me well. I was bought a Star Wars top this year by a family member, one that did not know me or it would never have been considered. It got me thinking though, how can someone that should know me so well get it so wrong. Maybe the time they had with me they never listened to what I liked, maybe they just bought it for me because I should like it. Or maybe it was a pound…..
Well my wife absolutely loves Star Wars, so it was not wasted, I am sure my wife will love wearing it with the picture of the millemem falcon on the front. It’s a man size so she will proberbly wear it as a nighty.. You know I have even watched the latest movie of Star Wars, we went to Liverpool to watch it at the gallery. You see it’s something my wife adores and I would do anything for my wife, and would take her anywhere. When we were sat in the cinema she said these words to me. “The last time I was with someone watching starwars at the cinema, I was with my dad” no previous partner had gone with her to see it because they did not like starwars. Her dad is no longer with us, he died at 59.. Such a short life, cancer took him, he had it in his stomach, maybe it had been there for 20 years. I don’t know if her dad loved starwars, but what I do know is that he went with her.
Taking an interest in what someone loves is priceless, irreplaceable, because taking an interest in something another is interested in is an exsperience. Some people have blinkers on and only tune into their own interests because that’s all that matters to them. Some people don’t like football (like me) but again my wife loves it so I watch it and have banter with her because she loves it. She knows what I am passionate about, and she takes an interest in that also. For us our life is made richer because we learn about each other, I know about her dad and her grandparents, what they liked and disliked where they lived and what part they played in the war. Why because I want to keep the memories of those we lost alive.
I know that my dads love for football came from cricket, from a cricketer who used to also play for Arsenal. “Dennis Compton” his grandson plays for England to this day. How do I know that? Because my wife asked my dad. We then bought him a book on the man he respected, because we knew it would not be a waste of money. I don’t really like cricket either but I bet if you asked my dad he would think I did.. I have even been to meet Ian Botham, because I love people that have managed to be the best they can possibly be. I grew up with cricket and tennis in our house neither of which I love. Although Andy Murray is a pleasure to watch. I do however watch both, because if I try hard enough happy memories of being a boy come back doing the things my mum and dad loved. Playing cricket on the field with my day, and watching tennis with my mum whilst the sausages burnt, on a 14″ black and white tele.
I can’t stand Star Wars, but I love my wife. I know my wife does not wear nail varnish so I don’t buy it her it, my wife is exstemly beautiful and does not need to cake make up on, so I don’t buy it her. Next time I meet with the family we will play a little game. I hope you having a great Christmas break, and don’t forget to get to know the people you love.
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
This Christmas for me is a huge milestone, but I think friends even family (some) have forgotten the previous battles. What it took to win this war. Maybe it’s easier for them to forget, for me what was is always in my now. The effects of what was is in my now. I am real emotional this Christmas, I keep having moments. Now I am not saying this for sympathy, just so that others will know that it’s normal that what I feel is documented. I hope that some day a person will get comfort from reading this blog, even just knowing that your not alone.
People do forget when it’s not happened to them, it’s better for them if you just don’t mention it or even communicate about it. The fact is though that the horror of what I have been through is all still so very real in my present. It’s like a reoccurring nightmare and all I want is to forget for a while. When I am around people I forget, people are like the tonic I need to get through. I want you to know, what I remember is in the form of flash backs. It’s not that I recall anything on purpose, really it’s not a journey that anyone would want to recall on purpose.
All I want and need in my life is health and happiness, there are some people on the planet that naturally love us. There is not effort in that love, because it’s natrual. It’s is a love born out of accepting the other person and not wanting them to change. It has been said, if you are with people that are comfortable with the real you, you are with people that love you. I have friends like that, one is my brother and sister in law. I have some friends like that to, people that are in your lives that accept you are the ones you should treasure. They are rare, people that ask about you, not tell you about them.
You are not alone in how you feel, when you have had a trauma in your life like cancer. We can’t exspect everyone to understand, only those in the cancer club truly understand what you have faced. Only people in the cancer club will truly be honest with you, because they know how it feels to have someone by your side that you can tell how you truly feel. We also know how it feels when someone does not let you know how they feel because they think your situation is worse. We don’t stop caring because we are ill, we still want there to be normality. But there is very little normality in cancer, the cancer club is a club of honest, real, genuine people. Once u accept that not everyone will understand what you are going through, you find having cancer is easier.
Have a great day,
Fonz
http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
The one thing that we give that’s impossible to get back, once it’s given its gone forever. I just don’t think people understand how precious time is. It’s something we all have, we have been given a certain amount of time some call it life. An amount of breaths allocated to us that all linked together equals life. You do it without even thinking, yet it’s the most important thing that we do.without even a second though. When you finally realise that the time you have, the days you have and the people you do it with are only here for a certain amount of time.
See I have started to adopt this thought pattern, if someone is in my life and makes it worse. I remove them, I make sure I don’t communicate with them because their choices make me unhappy. That’s a big step for me, because in previous years I would have tried to change them, or even change for them. I have learned through cancer that I am actually a really good human, a kind genuine human that does his best to help others and to make the moments I am involved in their life fun and even hope I may put a smile on someone’s face. I believe that the life I have is being used, in part. To enrich another’s world, can we ask anymore from a person? Is not doing our best, a gift to another human. Is not putting the needs of another before our own sacrificial.
It’s Christmas Day today and I hope you have a fabulous day with the people you love, your time is precious as are you. Be kind to each other love each other to the best of your ability. We only get one chance at this thing called life, me and Andrea are the only ones not seeing my parents tomorrow. A result of being childless. They will get a great breakfast on Boxing Day morning though… I already have some quality sausages to cook for them. Make sure you give the best you can of you today. It’s a nice soothing feeling to think that we don’t have to deal with having cancer in our lives this year, and hope our guests have a fabulous day with us. Talking about that, maybe I should get on with making some of tomorrow…
Have a great day and a very happy Christmas to you
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.
Bless someone, by sharing. You never know who needs to read this.
Well, for me it’s not been the same as everybody else’s. But what’s everybody’s else’s like, is their recovery different to mine. Yes I think so, although there are similarities. The trick is though I think, to not let other people think they are not doing as well as them, but to encourage them where they are at. No ones journey in recovery is the same as the next persons, everyone recovers at a different rate. I personally dislike it when I hear things like. “Well you will be ok” what evidence do they have to be able to say that. Will I? Wow thanks Doc…
You see what ever you feel, what ever stage you are at in YOUR recovery, I want you to know that’s ok. You don’t have to be or get to a certain place at any specific time. It’s different for everyone, you see just because someone says it was like that for them does not mean your body will recover the same, or at the same rate. You may recover quickly, where someone else gets pains in places you never did or do. You are you, and I want you to know that you should not give yourself a hard time for your body not responding how someone else’s does.
Perspective-so a car can have a very small engine which means it’s really fuel efficient but can’t go fast, another can have a really big engine and can go really fast but is no good at fuel economy. You are who you are, accept yourself for who you are not what someone expects of you. Concentrate on healing how you heal, it may not be cancer. It maybe something completely different, but you are you. Whilst what I say is true, remember this also. That you can’t make a dream come true if you don’t dream a little.
So this Christmas Eve for me is special. Not for any other reason than I am alive, I am here to write to you that you can read what is written here. Because this time last year I was being operated on at 10.30 am and was supported by my wife to get me to this Christmas Eve. It’s here today, I am not on an operating table today though. I am thankful to be where I am today, I am also grateful you are able to read this. We have more to be thankful for than we realise.
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.
fonzandcancer blogging to encourage. 