I am healed!

Tags

attitude, destiny, encouragement, forgiveness, healed, jesus, life, survived

First let me start by saying that, you have been awesome. You have followed my journey, supported me and loved me through the very hardest times in my life. I am so grateful to you.

YOU ARE WHAT YOU SAY YOU ARE!

Having a bit of a shake up in my life, in a time of blessing not cursing! We (family) were promised many years ago when I was 24 that

“the lord will restore the years the locusts have eaten. “

FAITH!

Believe me it’s been harder than hard to hold onto my faith whilst my body has been reconstructed, by chemo and the most horrible treatments known to man. My best friends on this planet have never left me like the shallower folk that said they were there for us but never showed us any action. Yet surely it is only God that makes good on his promises. Only God will never let us down. I can now tell you I have felt like Job. Like I have been tested over and over again always looking for positivity all of the time. Which I can tell you is draining in itself when your not leading your life walking next to him that knows more than we do.

It’s time to turn our backs on that which holds us back, including being fat, Negativity, and anything born of hate or discord.

My dogs are called Faith and Lily Hope. These names are not an accidents, hey they are God instances. I have been held back by listening to things of the body. My pain has stopped me from looking into the distance. Pain is debilitating, distracting and destroys days making you feel desperate. Yet through all the negativity I have held onto my faith for dear life. Yes sometimes that’s meant my dog Faith instead of anything born of the spirit!

No one can turn around and tell me there is no God, that Jesus is just a man that (just) walked the earth! Jesus was born of God, lived as God and died. He then rose again that we as sinners would be born again and never experience what He’ll has to offer. Because we have been saved by his blood, he rose again that we may know a fullness of life. I can’t tell you how free I feel since my nerve pain left. It really was a “pick up your mat and walk” moment.

So celebrate with me, but I also have a question to ask.

“Do you think I should start another blog? Or continue with this one”?

Have a blessed day

Mark

Forgiving myself

Tags

Abu Dhabi, attitude, ego, encouragement, forgiveness, help, hope, love, struggle, survived

Seems a strange thing to say, but there are 5 steps in removing my huge ego. Well probably 6. Earlier this week I was so hurt reading that someone had been given an opportunity speak and I was not even considered. It got me thinking. What’s wrong with me, that what I had done wrong. What was in the way, what could I do to help other people by talking to them. Then I started thinking, what makes me so special that someone would want to use me to speak anyway. Who am I anyway. I went down this spiral of self condemnation and by the time I was finished I was so low and disheartened I did not want to see anyone. Communicate with anyone or even think that there was anything positive I can do in/on this planet.

I have a lump in my throat writing this.

As I wallowed in self pity I then had to get a grip of my self at some point. This morning (my dads 79th birthday) I started to think of things maybe I needed to get rid of that maybe in the way of me blessing people in that way. My hope in the future is that I would like to stand in front of people and encourage them that they maybe even would want to hear what I had to say. It made me think this sentence “who am I anyway, that people would want to hear what I have to say) so arrogant maybe.

When your in pain, chronic pain like mine. You constantly (I mean that, it never ever stops) all you think about is how to stop it. How to live moments where you don’t feel pain anymore. Of course that’s included sentences like. “Just die, your of no use with pain anyway” sorry for my honesty. I need to be honest with myself here. This is NOT about anyone else. You must know that really I could not be any lower right now, I don’t work and you have a lot of time to think when you don’t work. Yet I do a lot in the home except working. I get the shopping, find wood to keep warm look after outside the house and many other things at home. All of which I do with my wife in mind.

Yet I am feeling that there is something that I need to get rid of in my life, something in the way. I have been feeling ostracised by my siblings, but surely change starts with someone. So I did a search on google this morning. Ways to improve myself. That’s when I realised that it’s perhaps me that’s the problem. That I am not kind enough, not honest enough. To proud maybe even my Ego had gotten that big that people could not actually see who I was. The people I love don’t ask after me, yet my wife said to me this morning. That she had watched a programme that reenforced to her that she could never ask how I was to often. That’s so true, if you truly know someone you will ask after them. You will want the best for them, but I realised one thing this morning. I don’t even know who I am.

Yes I am kind, yes I always want the best for people. But how can I help others by standing in front of them if I can’t even help myself. Am I always going to blame pain, is pain really that serious that it stops me seeing the wood for the trees. Cancer has ruined much of who I am. But it’s time to stand, it’s time to look at who I am and REMOVE the bits that are in the way. That took me to the google search.

HOW DO I REMOVE MY EGO

I am not the Wikipedia on everything. So where do I start.

The Huffington post listed 5 steps.

1. Practice forgiveness and Letting go .

2 practice honesty and being open.

3 surrender my need for control.

4 Enjoy silent moments with yourself.

5 Practice Gratitude.

Well this are the 5 things I am going to be working on going forwards. Number 3 is for sure the hardest for me. Except I am going to add a number 6.

6 Think less about me and more about others.

Have a great day, and remember it’s not necessarily someone else’s fault. It could be a change you make in you that makes the difference.

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

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@fonzymark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Everything you read, are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. People share

with others, if it meant something to you, it will to some

one else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own taken whilst creating memories every day.

You could change a life by sharing this post!

Will you?

Copyright ©2018

Dad, I am sorry my ego stopped me from seeing you yesterday, but I hope you have a great day today, and Happy Birthday. Thanks for all the times we do share together.

It’s a choice.

Tags

choices, choose, collage, encouragement, faith, forgiveness, gentleness, hope, life, love, Peace

It’s our choice you would think what affects us in our lives is our fault right? Non of us know if they will get cancer. Or become ill. You who ate kebabs all your life or a minister that had or has a roast every week. When we get cancer we become we. People with cancer realise that we actually are the same after all. I met a lady yesterday who had had cervical cancer, she also struggled with leg pain. She described it as like I do, walking through treacle like her legs were like led weights. She found it difficult to bend down and get up. It’s upsetting how the very choice she made (to have treatment) is the reason that she has the pain. The cancer did not give her the pain, the way it was removed caused her the pain proberbly for the rest of her life. But how long that pain free life would have been without treatment is anyone’s guess.

It’s the same for anyone that chooses to prolong life and have treatment, they are almost certainly left with some kind of side effect. I did have my pain down to having had cancer in my bones, being at 4 a one step away from terminal.  The pain is without doubt some days unbearable, especially after doing something for a long period. Long could be 20 mins these days. 

  
I chose to save my life through treatment, therefore I chose the pain I am in every day. I know that, but it does not make it any easier to deal with. It does not make it easier to be positive everyday. But guess what. I choose to be positive every day, I have to make a conscious choice to enjoy another day or to be miserable in it. When I find myself getting really low because of the pain, I think about Steven Hawkin and how much he has to deal with. Yet making it to his 70’s he still goes to university and encourages many people everyday. Steven Hawkin is my bench mark, my get over yourself person. My if he can I can person, my help in times of despair . Everyone needs a way of making yourself do, I way of compelling yourself onwards. So now I have had my pain killers I am going to take Faithy out and throw the ball for her so she gets some excercise and I am going to say hello to everyone I see and smile through the pain.

What we choose to be, is what we will be.

Fonz

Follow me, I will follow back. 😊
http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience) 

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 

Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own.

Copyright © 2016

Forgiven.

Tags

cancer, deserve, forgiven, forgiveness, lovehope, me, time, you, yourself

Well I don’t know about you, but I feel great when someone forgives me. We all make mistakes, say the wrong thing, take things to heart or misjudge a situation. Have you ever thought about yourself, have you ever thought that it may be yourself you need to forgive. Well the mistakes you have made may just have affected your own life, other people you have forgiven they have forgiven you so why have you not forgiven you?

  

You may not have even considered it important, but let me tell you. You are THE most important person in your life. Your mental health is so very important. Putting yourself in situations that are unhealthy for you. eg around negative people. You don’t do that do you. If you do it’s time to start looking after you, forgiving yourself for not looking after you and making some changes in your life. Making a differance that means you are looking out for you, making sure you are well so you can do good in the world.

I started a group over a year ago, a group that helps people to support each other, people that have and are being affected by cancer. A friend said to me “Dont forget to give yourself time” someone else said it to me today. It’s true, that we all need to make time for ourselves, acknowledge we are not perfect and forgive ourselves for neglecting ourselves, and not being the strong person we should be because we have worn ourselves out. That’s why we all help each other out, there are people that will look after CS in my absence and help lighten the load. 

  
The bottom line is. Giving is admirable, as long as you give time to yourself. Time for yourself and time to forgive yourself. Because how ever important others are to you, with out you they can’t be helped by you.

– Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience) 

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 

Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own.

Copyright © 2016

What do I do with my life.

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achieve, animal, attitude, awareness, believer, blood, bone, cancer, Christian, courage, desire, destiny, encouragement, energy, facebook, faith, family, forgiveness, friends, given, GOD, guilt, health, help, Hodgkins, hope, hospital, Jewish, life, lire, love, loved, muscle, neurology, oncology, Paris, partner, Peace, raise, relentless, silverback, Spirituality, stories, struggle, survived, survivor, together, transplant, travel, tvr, twitter, unite, unity, Writing

What do you do with your life? That’s a question only you can answer. For me my days are pretty much tied up with making sure my wife has everything she needs, I do for her. Like lots of modern Men i do the shopping. Yep that’s right I go shopping, I do the cooking mostly. But as I go about my day I am always looking for a face that I think needs a smile, always looking to bless someone somehow. To help someone have a better day, I am after all, like you a living walking talking miracle.

  
I talk to people on the Internet, people facing cancer in our group Cancer stories, I do my best to encourage them. I have been watching some informative videos of late called “the truth about cancer” how “sadly” the world does not want to reveal the truth about cancer and does not want the world to stop having chemo. It’s quite eye opening but also frightening to think that the pharmaceutical companies want us to have the drugs so they can continue making the amount of money they do. 

I look at ways to improve my health everyday, because I have the time to. My waking day is very broken, I am still very tired, but as my friend Deanna said yesterday. She has had the same as me but did not smoke cigarettes. Maybe that’s a contributory factor in my tiredness. I am not upset by it, just frustrated that I can’t do more. We are looking at ways we can bless other people by looking after them here in our home. (Watch this space) 

Many people message me daily from all walks of life, and I like to make time for them everyday. I sometimes struggle to get through them all because of how lethargic I feel. But I do. Facing losing my life make me want to live a life, as opposed to enduring a life. Some might say it’s an endurance because they are thinking about themselves, once you start to think about others before yourself. That’s when life becomes enjoyable and more of a daily gift. It’s 7.30am and I can’t hear the birds this morning. I don’t know why, I never could in hospital either, I hope all is well.  That pretty well sums me up, there is more to my day of course, but it’s a relief to be on 3 monthly visits now to hospital. But at the same time I miss the staff to. Especially my friend Lynne.
 Have a great day all, and I hope you find time to bless someone.

Fonz

The most important thing in life.

Tags

cancer, forgiveness, health, help, hope, love, nhs, winner

The most important thing in life.
You ever stopped to think what’s the most important thing on earth. Whats more important than anything else. I have had a dream for about a year now perhaps a little longer. Since I went to a lovely village in Pembrokeshire. A dream to live in a house there, and run a holiday cottage separate to the house. 

  
It’s something we all need, no one of us is excluded from animals to humans. We rely on it for our very existence, so much is dependant on it. As you all know by now I am recovering from cancer, in something that some call, Recovery, or remission. I have been here before, but the dream did not exist back then because I had never been to Pembrokeshire and seen the amazing place. You see, it really does not matter what your post code is as to where you have to go for check ups. Although it’s an awesome thing to think or even dream, to live the life we both dream of. Without my health I would not live any life, southport hospital has without doubt saved my life, twice. Without the team there I would not be living the life I have. So to move to another hospital where I don’t know anyone is daunting to say the least. I won’t have to, why? Because I am a fast tracked target patient. Why do I get this preferential treatment, well that’s because I invested in health care by agreeing to go on a trial that in years to come will help other patients.
  
Neither of us can see my health compromised, after all it’s the one thing that enables us all to do. What can we do without our health, unless of course you are an extra ordinary person like Stephen Hawkins, who goes to work every day by the way. I see people with all sorts of disorders when I go to the hospital where I am right now. People having to deal with all sorts of things, it’s humbling just to be able to talk with these people and share things with them.

Isn’t it amazing how our blood can defend against disorders in our bodies, without the NHS what would we do as a nation, how would we get better. It brings me to another fact of how the pharmaceutical companies make so much money in the process, but without them how would we get healed. Well I do think that there are ways of healing ourselves naturally, but who has those answers. I have a friend called Rob who is teaching me much about how to look after myself by what we do, say, and eat. I have another friend called Paul who is teaching me much about nutrition. Well not so much teaching as opposed to leading me to the right places.
  
But believe me the most important thing in life to cherish is your health, of course it’s not just a healthy body. It’s a out mind, body and spirit. They are all important parts of our health, in future blogs I will touch on ideas in relation to those different areas of our health. Because they all help us to stay in good shape. Have a great Friday, we will be out celebrating getting the all clear and going on 3 monthly visits. 
Keep well and all the best
Mark

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. It took me an hour to write, but will take you a second to share.

Taken

Tags

belief, faith, forgive, forgiveness, generous, greatful, hard, hope, lesson, love, patience, regret, stolen, taken

I don’t know about you, but if I saw something of value I would want to find its owner. I would want to make sure that the owner was reunited with the item that was there. When I got the all clear 4 weeks ago which just so happened to be my birthday also, my wife bought me a Go-pro a camera in a waterproof case. The bill was considerable, but we thought we would be able to capture some great footage with it in the years to come. When we entered the complex where we are staying, we thought it to be private with considered people all around us. Never did we think that our things were at risk, that someone would take the opportunity to take something that’s not theirs.

  
It’s so sad that people are out there to make you feel so sad, that our disappointment could have totally ruined our time here had we not know our friends James and Becky. Fortunately for us, they lent us a lead that enabled us to upload all of our special moments that we had had up until the dreadful day when our Go-Pro was taken. All of the staff looked for it, but it was in vien. It had to be a guest. Every person was a suspect in my eyes, but no matter what I know that we all get disappointments in life. It goes back to that old chestnut, that we can’t make others choices for them.

  
So we were faced with a choice, to let it ruin what we had or to LET IT GO. Stress cannot be a part of my life anymore, and we need to be grateful for what we do have. It’s about how we respond to this situation, and I for one am pleased that I was able to upload all of the images and videos before the event took place. I just hope the person that stole it is able to enjoy it as much as we did. I just hope the insurance will replace it for us, which of course does not help us in the next few days as we won’t be able to capture videos like we did before. Like I say though we have what we have, and we will move on. At least we can enjoy what we have.

  
Cancer has taught me many lessons, but the main one is to enjoy today without letting someone else’s choices spoil what we have to enjoy. So today is Saturday, you won’t read this till we return from our amazing time in Mexico. I wonder what pleasures await us for the rest of the week.

Have a great week

Mark