The walk, that wasn’t a walk walk.

Tags

belief, faith, grace, hope, knowledge, lakes, love, walk, waterfall

The walk, that wasn’t a walk walk. 

In life sometimes we just have to accept who we are, and who we are not. When you have had the battles that cancer fighters have even a small achievement is better than no achievment what so ever. So today my challenge having arrived at 11.29 at a walk that set off at 11-20 was to play catch up. Me and faith were keen, faith (my lab) was excited. She does this whining when she is excited, she jumps up and down, with her tongue out. Even though I sent her on ahead, to follow the trail ( I made her smell the car of one of the walkers) she led the way for me but never let me out of her sight, it was to amount to nothing however. So why am I blogging about this, well it’s because when you are faced with cancer you place goals in your mind. You hope that one day just one day that there may be some level of the normality that once was. I personally hoped to make new friends and to befriend people with new perspectives. You see, when someone (anyone) gets cancer. People show true colours they tend to not understand what you face and that has a result of loneliness. People show you how much you mean to them by the actions they make towards you. The commitment some people show towards you in your time of need is humbling. But there are not many that stay by your side, most don’t understand and leave you to deal with it alone. 

I remember being in that room imagining the very walk I endeavoured to do today, you know uphill with running streams and fallen trees and wildlife although I never envisaged cows. But there were.

I was hopeful I could take some great shots today and make some memories, to get better at using my IPhone whilst enjoying other people’s company.  Now those that know me know I have a lot of pain killers and today I took 90mg of codine to enable me to be able to walk. I had food and water and was prepared for a walk. I was told it was an easy walk and I would have no problem. However the night before my friend (he’s the type of friend that carlsberg would make) if they made friends. He told me it would be to much, the lakes is for seasoned walkers he said. Of course I am a beginner in every sense. As I moved forwards as fast as I could I slipped and fell and hit my head, fortunately I was wearing my trappers hat. I realised right there and then, the condition of my body is such that things like this are beyond me. I sat on a stone and knew that I had higher expectations of myself than were actually possible. It filled me with sadness and I don’t mind saying I even shed a tear as I sat there. Faiths head on my lap, even her eyes said “Dad its to soon” 

It was with regret that I turned around and began to face what I had not allowed myself to do before. Accept I was not able, and whilst I had been wildly eager and went against all the advice of all the people that know and love me. I then had to accept that I needed to do lesser walks. Steep slopes are not within my capabilities, with a lump in my treat I headed home. No phones were in service and hope was gone.

As I walked back I took a couple of pictures to remember where I had been. 

 

Some of you know I love pictures and that they speak to me, this photo speaks of life. That this little river I was stood in was going somewhere else to where the walkers were going. It was somewhere different to where the walkers were going where it flowed to and maybe my path although different. Would still have a meaning somewhere, I didn’t give up I got there, me and faith shared time together and whilst I feel like I have failed in some way, we did get onto the hill. 

So what’s the punch line, well it’s this.

” what ever you think in your mind, where ever that is. Remember that just because it does not end up how you imagined, that does not mean you failed at something. It’s just different. ” our paths even though we choose them, don’t always end up the way we had planned. But what’s important is that we have a goal, and in doing something you will achieve something. I mean this blog for a start, will be written forever and will encourage someone somewhere. That’s because today did not go to what I had planned. So already there is something positive. You just read it.

Have a great day
Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience) 

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 

Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them hereby to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.

Copyright © 2016


Caregivers.

Tags

cancer, caregiver, faith, GOD, help, journey, knowledge, life, understanding, universe

A care giver is so much more than the word suggests, caregivers are undervalued by society and not given the credit deserved. Care givers are actually the life that the sufferer needs, the hope and strength for a person to carry on. The job is possibly worse than the suffering in some cases. I can say that having been a carer as well. Helping someone to overcome physical trauma, as well as mental. A carer needs to be sensitive, courageous even knowledgable about the journey  ahead, whilst not overloading the person at the same time. Of course every care giver has to have different jobs, some patients want to know everything, and I mean everything. Whilst for me I needed a long term goal, whilst getting through today. That was always what mattered to me. TODAY…. Just that, knowing what I need to face today.

   
A caregivers emotions are a huge roller coaster, I mean after all they have to see what happens to their loved one as well as feel the fear inside as well as having to put trust in the health service that the doctors looking after their loved one, are doing the best that they can for them.! whilst understanding what the possible side effects of the drugs can be. Caregivers need a distraction, a support network that provide an outlet, where the questions like “How is xxxxx doing” are not included in the time with the person supporting them. Allowing the caregiver to bring it up should they wish. The key to getting through a battle of any kind is something that’s paramount in any struggle I think.

What ever the illness or situation the people find themselves in. The main thing to remember on both sides is ‘communication’ being able to tell each other how you feel. If you can do that, your half way there, the other important thing that breaks some relationships. Is the way the sufferer is, how angry they may become because of the drugs they are on, or the different situations they find them selves in. People change on medication. As if it was not hard enough for them  to deal with the situation in itself the persons personality changes as well. 

Carers are deserved of a high acalaide, for me my carer. “My wife” is responsible for my sustained life along of course with my mum who made me go and get it checked in the first place. But it’s the true care giver that deserves the praise it’s a journey of commitment, sadness and happiness. Freedom and light. I find some religious people choose to pray as opposed to doing something practical. I believe you cannot pray unless you are doing something practical. After all the bible states “Faith without works is dead” but that’s another blog altogether. 

  
If you are a believer or not it’s about what we do in life not what we say that matters. So many say the words, pray the prayers but don’t walk the walk. In other words a care giver, put their money where their mouth is and does. My wife’s mum had her mum live with her and the whole family for 18 years. Andie tells me of lots of happy memories of conversations she had with her nana. Caring for someone does not have to be all bad, but they are the ones that need the standing ovation when it comes to us coming through the other side victorious.

So I say thank you to all of you, that help so many.

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own.

Attitude changes everything.

Tags

cancer, faith, gift, happiness, helping, hope, How, humility, knowledge, love, reality, relief, support, survive

Its your attitude they say. Well as a twenty something I did not understand what that meant, I even found the statement inconsiderate in some cases. I mean you can’t tell a cancer patient to change their attitude, can you? Well actually it’s very important, especially someone fighting cancer. Let me explain from my own exsperience. What your attitude is to something, does that not depict how someone responds to you?  I think if someone has a bad attitude to something, people around you tend to respond negatively. Have a happy heart and people will look on the bright side. What do you think?

  
No one likes to be around people that constantly moan, or talk about their problems all the time, people that seem to have the weight of the world of their shoulders. Don’t they choose to have that, don’t they choose to have that amount of luggage with them? I was that person the first time round, I was the person that did not understand cancer. But that’s just it, maybe I had it twice so I knew what I did wrong the first time.  My first cancer exsperience was very different to the second, I learnt how it affects you in rehabilitation also. My attitude was to not be around people that people were going to bring me down. That communicating with people about cancer, was going to make my journey harder. I think that was quite selfish of me, although some would say that it was self preservation. 

  
You see where U.S. Humans get it wrong, is we look to preserve ourselves by giving nothing, only  looking after number one. By making sure that we don’t give of ourselves thus preserving ourselves for the future. Where as I have learnt a new way, a way that is a little risky but it’s worked for me. But I found it out by accident, because I had set up my support group Cancer stories before I realised I had cancer again. So I had already decided I was going to give of myself to others and support them in the fights they had before them. Thinking myself that I would rebuild myself at home, because the person I love gives me strength as I do her. How wrong was I, the support group does something very different. (We all support each other) in supporting another, it relights the fire inside of us to continue. Well it’s what’s happening to me now. 

  
You see it’s human nature to put out our hand to help someone, it’s also a benefit by doing that one thing  is that by putting our hand out it energises us. You see that what we as humans don’t get, you don’t use your resources of strength by helping another. You actually strengthen yourself because that is how we are made, it’s natural and human nature to help someone else. By doing that you actually strengthen yourself, you do NOT give of yourself. You become a better more rounded person, I learnt lots as a salesman but never the giving lesson. Why? It’s what sales people do, find people that need what we have. Wow how things are actually starring us right in the face, but it’s our stubbornness and lack of humility that stops us from learning the simple lessons that are necessary for success.

  
By giving to someone else you are actually helping yourself, helping yourself to work through your own luggage, to educate yourself as to what you can be. Who you actually are, I am sure some of you are reading these blogs and watching me grow. I know I am myself, I can feel that I am more considerate of others. Of course people will misunderstand me but that’s not my issue is it, to just keep doing what I am is making a differance somewhere. We all have it in us, we just choose to protect one. The one we are, not to help others by holding out our hands. Maybe becoming less of us and more a helping hand. What ever is thought your attitude to cancer is what matters. Ultimately what we give is who we are, putting out your hand is everything.
It’s not only + and – that make one battery, it’s you and me that make humanity. ( last sentence by Rob Fischbeck  ) 

 

Mark
http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. It took me an hour to write, but will take you a second to share.