Transplant 2 years in.

Tags

camcer, chemo, encouragement, hope, love, marriage, survivor, transplant, wife

Transplant 2 years in.

It’s incredible how things have changed from this day 2 years ago to today. 2 years ago today right now I would be having my first chemo in isolation having had my Hickman line fitted in the morning. I remember who was there for me, my friend Karl who was so amazingly supportive during my stay in hospital doing jobs for me back at our house. My wife is so impeccable at the detail wrote everything down from day to day during my transplant. Whist I don’t like to look back on negative things I just move on normally. But it’s reasonable to say it’s important to look back, so others who face the same can learn from my experience possibly. Your brain is a powerful instrument and I think shuts off from us the trauma we experience at certain times in our lives. That’s why my wife’s write ups are invaluable when looking back at my transplant journey.  For sure I don’t mind telling you I proberbly cried more in the first 24 hours in isolation than possibly any other 24 in the whole of my life before. 

There are two things you never need to chase in life. They are true friendships and true love. Both of which ironically we have no control over.  People that truly love you will be there for you as they were there for me. People that don’t really care about you will not be in touch with you at all. 

My Hickman line was playing up, although I don’t remember much about it. I made friends in that hospital that sadly I am not able to peruse due to hospital protocol. Dr Salem, Heather and Kim. The girls were like my Angels, there for me when ever I needed it. I am not able to get across to you just how amazing the people that work for the NHS are. They are committed and conscientious and vital to the health of us all in the UK. You will never realise how important the NHS is until you need it. There are some that disagree with me, but you have to remember that they do the best with what they have. 

If I have any advice for anyone who has this to face, don’t try and make your friendships happen. They will take care of themselves, the ones that are really important will make it through to the end. Aside of my family my wife Andie, Paul Benson, Johnny Wilson, Karl Boardman, and Simon Naylor were the people that kept me motivated. Phone calls not talking about cancer were a great relief in that small room.  Our cancer stories group which was small back the, had so many faithful people in it that were a great support. To name a few, Rob Fiscbeck, Liz Peters, Eileen Almond, our late friend Eileen Salmon, Judith Taylor, jean Anderson and Deanna Perich, were all good people and many many more that helped along with the whole Cancer stories group. My dad rang me everyday, if your reading this and your supporting someone in cancer. NOT talking about cancer is the best conversation you can have. 

You find out what’s truly important in times like these, aside of friendships. Peace with yourself, God and the planet is vital. What was can not be changed. But the future is in your hands and for sure you can make a differance in this world if you want to.

I guess what I am trying to say is, treasure what you have and enjoy what you have to the fullest. One day medicine won’t be my saviour, but I have and do know true freindship and true love in my life. I leave you today with a song Johnny Wilson gave to me when I went in for my transplant. The 3 weeks that changed me and my outlook forever. I only hope that someone reads this today and listens to this song and it helps you to realise the good you have in your life.

Be good to one another.

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience) 

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. I

Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone

 else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
You could change a life by sharing this post! Will you?

Copyright ©2017

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Mr Nasty.

Tags

belief, home, hope, hospital, love, lover, marriage, perseverance, together, university, win

MR NASTY.

It’s been a while, whist finishing all my projects someone I met who called round a couple of times. Said “finish one thing before you start another.” As I looked around I realised how much there actually was unfinished at our house. But is that the right way to look at stuff. I mean there is so so much we have done in our home to. Let’s start a list. 

Let’s call it inside out. 

Tiled the whole of downstairs,

Decorated throughout,

Ripped out double doors and made it a through diner,

Built an extension with vaulted roof.

Log fire fitted

Oak floor,

Conservatory built,

Indian stone placed around 360 degrees of the house.

Garage floor fitted,

Drains fitted

Stream fitted with fish and pump and furniture,

Rear garden created with shrubs and plants,

Side garden obtained and planted,

Seating area created,

Orchard started,

Front area planted,

Rear chill out shed next to the stream created,

Log store built in side garden to serve log burner,
Also dream car maintained to a great level.

Oh and all whilst beating cancer, twice. Don’t know if I mentioned that. 

There is a way to fail, but you have to believe that to. Only people that believe they will win, will. You see while we can believe we will fail, we can also believe we will win. People can see what’s not done, or see what’s been done. Yes there are some small piles of bricks, yes I have stuff that’s not moved yet. But there is also a porch that’s not built yet, and a stream that needs finishing (Well building) in the back garden. The roof and rear door needs fitting to the garage and a wall building. But I think it’s best to look at what we have achieved while we could have just let the walls cave in.

My point is, your words can have a devastating effect on people’s lives. But it can be devastatingly positive, or negative. The word devastating can also be positive but then you knew that right? Have you ever seen someone who’s devastatingly beautiful. I don’t mind telly you I have. That lady stole my heart so many years ago and she is the reason I live today, she is the reason all of what I have spoken about has been created.  Her devastating beauty stole me from me. But hey I needed stealing and if I were to start over it would be with you Andie. 

Thank you for all you have done, and all you will do. I ask also that you would forgive my failing as I am not perfect. But one thing is for sure you are perfect for me.  Every brick I move I move for you.

Forever yours

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience) 

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. I

Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone

 else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
You could change a life by sharing this post! Will you?

Copyright ©2017

My friend Dave.

Tags

Cancer stories, chemotheropy, hope, liver, love, marriage, miriacle

It was nearly a year ago now when I was contacted by Daves wife, at the end of her rope as her husband was suffering on his journey with Cancer. He was not eating, just sleeping and seemingly given up. We had quite a long chat and I told her as it was, to be firm but kind with Dave. It was fairly soon after that Dave began to improve, he began talking to me through Facebook. We laughed and shared moments together that were actually quite private. Another friend of mine organised a meal for some of the people in Cancer stories to meet up, it was fantastic. Dave was the first person I saw, we hugged each other and that was the start of our friendship. A friendship where we both knew what it was like to suffer, we both knew also what it was like to be loved completely like another. I remember being at their home and while we were alone, Dave spoke so fondly of his wife, how much he lived her and how good she was to him. That she had  given him hope and felt that he was stronger with his wife.

It touched me how he felt, His wife Anne told me how they met and how they fell in love. I felt so privalaged to even know these people, I was even given a chocolate eclair which was wonderful. That’s not why I liked them though, they were both so considerate towards me and always asked after my wife. I think it was 3 times we all met for a meal, and even though Dave was having chemo he still came, trusting that everybody at the meal was free from illness. He even pretended on one occasion  that  he was not coming and made my eyes leak when he walked through the door with a beaming smile on his face. Dave read about my fight in the Lancashire Evening Post, thats how he learned about our support group on Cancer stories.

As the weeks went by he became an integral part of Cancer stories. He encouraged people fighting, loved those that were hurting and was conciderate to those that were suffering. Me included. Dave had Liver cancer and whilst I will give out his surname in this blog, I can tell you Dave had the operations required. So that they as a couple might have more time together moving forwards. They have enjoyed days out after his operations, procedures and of course the dreaded chemo. Dave even finished his chemo and was over the moon and life was seemingly awesome, getting stronger eating more and visibly healthier. Smiling from ear to ear when ever we met. 

They came to see us as a couple 3 times I believe and I really enjoyed their company. It was always a pleasure to spend time with them. They were fairly newly married and bounced around like teenagers in love, it’s amazing to see two people enjoying each other like them. I was just so pleased that they had found each other. 

It was barley 2 weeks ago when Dave took a turn for the worse and the cancer began to grow again, he was brave about it and always sent me up beat messages. There is no one on this planet to be more conciderate, more sensitive, and tender as my friend Dave. Anne came to see me last week, Thursday. We had a coffee together and we shared a hug, and she picked up a card one of our cancer stories had sent to her. Anne stayed by Daves side as a pillar of strength though all he had to go through. Yesterday wendsday 6th July 2016 my dear friend lost his fight and breathed his last breath. Yesterday was a hard day for so many as everyone had to come to terms with the fact that he had passed away. My thoughts love and best wishes are with his family Anne’s family and his friends.

Dave was very keen on Golf, he was a Christian, a father, a husband, and a dear friend to many. I personally will miss Dave greatly, but I also have joy in my heart that he was able to have a life that gave so much love to so many. You were and are loved Greatly Dave. Now you are in no pain with the Angels in Heaven, I really enjoyed knowing you and being a part of  life and thank you for being a great friend to me. We may not have known each other long but you touched my heart.

My love and prayers go out to all who Dave loved and all who loved Dave. 

R.I.P. My dear friend 

Fonz

  
http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience) 

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 

Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories.

Copyright © 2016

What cancer leaves you with.

Tags

attitude, belief, depression, full, hope, Lewis, love, marriage, rise

Maybe this post should have just remained locked away, maybe I should never have even written this. But I did, and I will not write like my mum and not share it. I will say it to the world, so that its there for eternity for you all to read. Cancer when it’s come in and screwed with your life leaves you with a part of what you were. I said to my wife these words. I held her hands and asked ” will what I am left with be enough for you?  I don’t think it is myself, I am not able to give her what she needs. Cancer did take much from me, it took more than some of you will know. I am actually happy you will never know. Because I personally don’t want 1 more person to experience treatment for cancer. I am sick to death of doing my best everyday to only be a fraction of my previous self. 
  
I am upset that the few friends I now have are but a fraction of what I did have. Although as a friend said the other day, “I have many acquaintances and few friends” I now know who the acquaintances were.  Hell cancer has proberbly wrecked the marriage we would have had only having a fraction of what would have been. It’s so hard each day to carry on, it’s so hard each day yo muster the strength and do something. I am being honest here, I will because I know when ever I post to my blog someone feels comfort. Someone feels some reassurance that it’s normal to feel these feelings. Right now I am angry, really angry and sad that my life is not what I feel it should have been. So then, what do I do.

I take a deep breath in, I sigh I breath and reflect. I say ” God please forgive my shortfall.” Please use my words somewhere in the world. It’s not possible to post positives everyday, because I just am not super human. I am a man, I have weight trained become a powerhouse that in the end was beaten down by cancer. Yet I WILL rise again. 

Lewis Hamilton said today, he had a 5 place grid penalty for having a new gear box. He said ” I need to look at the cup half ful, and take the oppertunity to rise” it’s how I live, to see oppertunity to rise rather than possibilities to fail. I will rise and keep on keeping on. I am not saying any of this so you feel pity, just so that with hope in your heart and an inner strength that you feel able to carry on. This is my life now, it’s a great shame that people have to put up with the effects of cancer. But maybe that’s better than the alternative. You have a life, and that life gives you oppertunity even if that is in something negative like illness. It’s just that you have to choose to see it as an oppertunity to rise. If you do. Rest assured you WILL rise and you will make a differance to someone’s life. 

You are so much more than cancer or illness would have you believe. You will rise you just have to believe it.

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience) 

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 

Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own.

Copyright © 2016

Marriage.

Tags

arguments, compleate, enjoyment, helpful, Laughter, marriage, siri, together

What does marriage mean to you. A commitment to another, a life of compromise because there is another person always to think of. Is it a mill stone around your neck, something you are scared of. Maybe you think that marriage means something else to you. Well here is my take on being married put how only I can. I would like to make it simple, for you yourself to even remove all of what you perceive marriage to be at this point and imagine life as a block.
So there is life right in front of you, with or without a person with you, married to you. Life still is there, it’s in its form that you imagine in your mind. I see is as a block, that weighs a certain weight. We all have them it’s just when we are single that block has to be carried oround by ourselves. No one next to us to lighten the load, no one to help to make the load lighter, and easier to handle. 

  
Marriage for me means a lot of things, the main one being that two people are moving in the same direction helping the other person in the life that they live. They don’t place demands and expectations on what they think should be marriage. They make the journey easier, the person that walks along side you has hold of the same block that you have and push or pull in the same direction. The person that wants the marriage to go in a direction that is opposite to the intended direction of the marriage. That person adds weight, creates problems and makes life harder for the other person to live. People that do that in a marriage, are selfish. They styfal the possibilities of what can be achieved together. See that’s just it isn’t it, if it’s a friendship, which of course is what a marriage is first off. Then that friendship should make your life better, more fun, more bearable, fill the air with laughter, shared dreams and of course love for each other. 

  
See I have always said that, the perfect marriage is two people that always put each other first, think about the other before themselves. Many things have come true since me and Andie have been married, many ambitions that we both have worked towards have come to fruition. Like my wife’s career for one, where we live, beating cancer twice together. Many things have been undertaken, not only undertaken but successfully achieved TOGETHER. Many people do not achieve, because they have a partner that is so demanding. So the partner has to work harder to meet the demands, of their partner as opposed to working together to achieve each and every goal together. A marriage makes dreams come true, a marriage brings freedom of life. Makes life more pleasurable, bearable maybe but most definetley easier. If a person is holding you back, it’s due to either an illness or something that the other person wants to benefit from. For me the block ‘life’ will always be there. The wife I have by my side makes that block lighter and easier for me to bear, I know that my involvement in Andies life makes her life easier to. Many ambitions my wife has had we have achieved together, not counting the cost but enjoying the smile of happiness on each other’s faces. Is not seeing a look of joy so much better than despair, of course it does not happen over night. It takes time and effort and conversations discovering what the other persons desires in life are. 

  
One thing is for certain, that is I am much happier married than I ever was single. I thank God for my wife, and OUR life that we have together. It’s not one persons life anymore, it’s two lives joining together as one. Continuing together in the same direction. 

Have a great week 

Mark and Andie

Follow me, I will follow back. 😊
http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience) 

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 

Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own.

Copyright © 2016

My Andie

Tags

belief, cancer, Cancer stories, Compassion, encouragment, happiness, hope, kindness, life, living, love, marriage, perfect, perfectlove, relationship, soul mate, tenderness

I guess there is more than 1 person that’s compatible with another person. But for me there is only one that has filled that void. Only one person that I can call my soul mate, her name is Andie. She has remained by my side through thick and thin, she is a person that will stay by my side even when it’s raining and the world seems to be against us. She says this statement often.

   
“It’s not the people who sit with you in the limo, drinking champagne we call friends. It’s the ones that help push, when it breaks down. They are your real friends.” There is no doubt that she does that, and I hope she feels that it’s reciprocated.

  
There is no one on this planet like my Andrea, she has proved her love for me over and over again. To have her by my side makes me not only feel stronger, but makes me believe in the us that is our marriage. We are tough, we are sensitive, we are caring, but most of all we are secure with each other in the knowledge that there is an us.

  
My wife is the person that supports my choices even if some may not agree, she is like the strength in my weakness. She is my guide when I see no light, my warmth when I feel cold. She is  positive when I see no way out, Andie is my grace when I lack faith. She helps me to see a way where there appears to be a road block. She is my reason, when I feel deflated. Andie is faithful and strong, giving even when she feels she has nothing left to give. There is only one Andie, that person is my wife, and my life. I give myself to her and her alone forsaking all others.

  
Andie has been my dependable rock, someone who I am able to rely on. She makes me proud to married to her, and I feel privileged to call her my best friend. Even when cancer appeared to be taking my life, she believed in me and gave me the strength to reach up, have faith and carry on the fight. Andie has believed in me right from the start,  and has never waivered in believing  that I would survive. Everyone needs an Andie in their life. Life is to short to argue, fuss and fight. There is a great strength in WE, and because of the we in us “WE” are stronger. 

  
I hope with my whole heart that you have a similar experience in your life. There is no room to waste time with second bests, you deserve it to yourself to be and have the best you can. Settling for second best is a sad place to be (I know) but enjoying the best takes effort on both sides, maintenance, sensitivity, gentleness, consideration and above all else putting each other first. In the act of putting each other first we find all that 2 humans can give to each other, blessed by one more powerful than us. Known to me as Agape.

  
Giving is a beautiful way to live, putting your partner first is everything. Enjoy each other.

Have a great week

Mark

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.