Tired of being strong.

Tags

commited, giving, grace, love, passion, patience, unconditional

Strange statement some may think, but it is true that people suffering illness get tired of being strong. Continually smiling at those that don’t really care about you. They just ask how you are to make themselves feel better. Maybe they feel they are doing a good turn. They ask a person recovering from cancer how they are “how are you”? They say. They don’t mean it, they don’t come and have fun and laughter knowing the person still suffers but bringing at least some happiness. For some they ask for themselves, so they can say they asked how the person was. Well I am tired of those people that don’t really care, the people that do for show. I am sad that people don’t ask and mean it, I am sick of meaningless chit chat. I would rather no greeting than a fake question they want a “yea great,how about you”?answer. I am tired of appearing strong for them. Those people that never send a text or phone. But ask you when they see you, because it’s convenient. Do they really care? Are they bothered really? If so why do they never visit, why do they say words but have no actions. 

  
I have people in my life that love me, they know they love me and I feel it. Others know they should do, but they don’t because you are not as important as the things or people they regard as important. But I ask you this question. Are not some of those people that you regard as important, people that provide or give something to you. Or do you want nothing from them but they do anyway. Do you maintain relationships because you benifit from them, or do you show those that you love that you do for no reward. If you want nothing but still do, that’s true love. That’s unconditional love. 

Please watch this short video, it says all this post is meant to be.

Unconditional love for another, is one of the most precious actions a person can be. Do you do because you want to do, or because it benefits you to do. What ever your thoughts on this subject only you will truly know, what the relationships you cultivate mean to you. A true friend will love you anyway, there are many people that I have discovered don’t really care. True colours come shining through, in illness. It makes me so sad, people do for themselves and not the person that really needs them. Maybe because it’s convenient to them, and it’s of great benifit to them you maintain your friendship. There are people I love now, that I did not some 10 years ago. Why? Because they have been there no matter what, a shoulder no matter what. A friend no matter what. They have given to me not wanting reward, or anything in return. People like that are precious, people like that are for sure people that give strength in our fight. Treasure those that treasure you. Remembering that, what you give is not how much it cost, but whether it came from each your head or your heart. When someone gives from their heart, they are the Angels of the earth. People that don’t care if you are weak or strong. They are just there, and don’t mind if you are not strong. They just love you anyway. 

Thank you for being you, and allowing me to be a real person. Not expecting anything from me, it means a lot. Because I want to be who I truly am. Not strong all the time.

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience) 

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 

Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own.

Copyright © 2016

Communication.

Tags

cancer, communication, eachother, friends, helalth, help, hope, love, network, patience, stories, support

Whilst I was ill, one of the keys to us being able to get through the horrible ordeal was being able to be open and honest with each other. Right at the start of my relapse having chatted to Andie and another close friend. I realised completely by accident really that I had my  support network in our cancer stories group. That I was able to offload how I felt in a private place with people that understood me, with people that had come across the same situations as I was going to come across. I believe communication is THE number one key to any relationship after trust. Of course we all know that we can’t have anything without trust. Right from the word go in our relationship we agreed that we would talk to each other, that we would communicate with each other, building on our foundation of trust. 

  
I think in pictures so let’s use an analergy  that my untie Rose uses to describe me. A bottle, just a simple humble bottle, people use the term don’t they “bottling it up” I myself am a very simple person, uncomplicated, although some would disagree. But that’s only because they are carrying  around stuff they have stored up in their own bottle. Let’s explore this a little, you remember the blog about the garbage truck. Well it’s a little bit like that in my eyes, only there are lots of bottles in a garbage truck that are full of unspoken things.

You with me so far?

You see if I have a problem with someone, or with something. I face it, speak to the person get it out in the open, I don’t drive around with it in my mind thinking about it over and over. I have learnt to speak openly, I am learning to listen more to others, something I am working hard on. But if it’s bothering me I have to get it out or it comes out like a shaken bottle of pop. I go back to a memory I have, a storey really, but I will make it short.

  
I was at the zoo, Chester zoo, with my uncle Ron and Auntie Rose my cousin and my now wife Andie. One animal I had longed to hear and see was a lion, not a lioness a full sized Lion. It’s something I yearned to hear and see. It was a sunny day, and Rose said to me, “Mark, the Lions are over there” WOW. At that moment nothing else mattered, I ran as fast as I could darting in between the people with my cousin inclose persuit. As I approached the Lion pen, there he was right in front of us. In all his proud glory, it was like he knew I was there, and put a show on for me. He roared at the top of his voice, again,and again! I loved it and will never forget that moment and day. Made all the better because I enjoyed it with my family. That when my auntie Rose made the comment. “He’s like a bottle of pop int he” that was a moment I exploded with joy fulfilling a dream of mine. One day I hope to see them in the wild and see them face to face, to go on a safari.      

  
So going back to the point, our support net work in communication. Real friends will listen to you, they will help you deal with stuff, they will give to you without counting the cost. That’s what marriage is all about. Giving to each other without counting the cost, but communicating about all things that are affecting us making sure that the bottle never fizzes up blowing the top off the bottle. Because if we communicate often and have nothing to hide how can it ever be a problem, how will it ever become such a problem that it becomes an argument. It can’t because the bottle is never full, your continually allowing yourself to speak about what you need to. With the people that care about you either called family or the family we choose called friends.

  
Having an issue with something does not need to be a problem, as some say a problem shared is a problem halved. You have it in you to allow yourself to communicate with a person or keeping it to yourself. Keeping it to yourself means it’s your problem, where as sharing it means you are being conciderate to the other person not making it a future problem. Andie needed her own support network which ended up being a small but dedicated few friends, we spoke about having a network to help us through. If you are facing cancer right now, please make sure you have your own support network. It’s a huge help not only to the person suffering but to the person caring. The carer goes through as much as the sufferer just in different ways. 

  
Have a great week
Mark 

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. It took me an hour to write, but will take you a second to share.

Taken

Tags

belief, faith, forgive, forgiveness, generous, greatful, hard, hope, lesson, love, patience, regret, stolen, taken

I don’t know about you, but if I saw something of value I would want to find its owner. I would want to make sure that the owner was reunited with the item that was there. When I got the all clear 4 weeks ago which just so happened to be my birthday also, my wife bought me a Go-pro a camera in a waterproof case. The bill was considerable, but we thought we would be able to capture some great footage with it in the years to come. When we entered the complex where we are staying, we thought it to be private with considered people all around us. Never did we think that our things were at risk, that someone would take the opportunity to take something that’s not theirs.

  
It’s so sad that people are out there to make you feel so sad, that our disappointment could have totally ruined our time here had we not know our friends James and Becky. Fortunately for us, they lent us a lead that enabled us to upload all of our special moments that we had had up until the dreadful day when our Go-Pro was taken. All of the staff looked for it, but it was in vien. It had to be a guest. Every person was a suspect in my eyes, but no matter what I know that we all get disappointments in life. It goes back to that old chestnut, that we can’t make others choices for them.

  
So we were faced with a choice, to let it ruin what we had or to LET IT GO. Stress cannot be a part of my life anymore, and we need to be grateful for what we do have. It’s about how we respond to this situation, and I for one am pleased that I was able to upload all of the images and videos before the event took place. I just hope the person that stole it is able to enjoy it as much as we did. I just hope the insurance will replace it for us, which of course does not help us in the next few days as we won’t be able to capture videos like we did before. Like I say though we have what we have, and we will move on. At least we can enjoy what we have.

  
Cancer has taught me many lessons, but the main one is to enjoy today without letting someone else’s choices spoil what we have to enjoy. So today is Saturday, you won’t read this till we return from our amazing time in Mexico. I wonder what pleasures await us for the rest of the week.

Have a great week

Mark

Confidence.

Tags

belief, cancer, cure, cured, dolphins, finished, hope, hospital, love, patience, remission, swim

How many of us don’t do something, simply because we are unsure of the outcome. How will we know what the outcome will be if we don’t give it a shot.  It’s something people think I have in spades “confidence” Which is quite true, confidence is half the battle, if your confident then all the worrying small stuff is not considered in your forward thinking. Only those that are worriers will take into consideration all the bits that cause issues. Let me explain.

  
When I was about to have a transplant I went to see the doctor, who would tell me of the risks that my treatment would Entail, included in the list were heart failure, lung failure, kidney damage, irreversible nerve damage, pancreatic failure and many others. As I walked out of that room I put all the words and warnings he had said to the back of my mind. I had signed a consent form agreeing that I would have the treatment and if any of the side effects happened I would not sue. That’s what the point was, that I would blame no one if something went wrong. 

  
What do you do, wallow in self pity. Ask why me? Get depressed and overwhelmed with what you are to face. Or, get on with it. I chose, oh and it was a physical choice. To carry on regardless, helping myself to focus on what I could do, as opposed to what I could not change. The potential possibilities would always be there no matter what. So what’s the point in worrying, yea just gotta stand up and move forwards, doing the things that are in your control, giving yourself the best chance at surviving that’s possible. Like giving up smoking, thinking positively, never allowing people’s words to bring you down. Keeping away from germs that little ones maybe carrying. But no matter what keeping focused on a long term goal, moving closer towards it. 

  
The goal I set for myself was a holiday, a friends brother in law speaks about always having a holiday to look forward to, he always books the next one as soon as he gets back off holiday which makes each day that bit nicer. We were not able to book our holiday as we had no idea what side effects I may have after treatment. But what I did have was confidence that I would make it. Saying the words that you know I say, I WILL and I CAN. you can be what ever you want to be, you just need to have that confidence to remove all barriers that are in your way. To believe whole heartedly that I would win and stand on that beach with my friends, then in turn swim with dolphins with my wife which has been a life long ambition. Even turning down an opportunity to do this in Kiakora New Zealand simply because I was doing it solo. Doing that with my wife will be amazing.

  It’s now our time, a time for us to shake off the cobwebs and live our life. 10/09/2015 means I am 47 and oh how proud I feel to have made that happen. To have triumphed over that horrible thing we call cancer. There is a song that’s very dear to me, it’s a song that we have wanted to fulfil the words to. To feel real love in the home that we live it, now after our triumph we do. How amazing is that.

Have a great week,

Mark

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.