Holding back the tears

Tags

attitude, become, desire, destiny, encouragement, energy, faith, new, Peace, strength, survived, tears

I have just been talking to our friend who comes every week and makes living easier. She a beautiful soul and someone I can cry in front of; and many times I have. She reminded me this morning of why we have tears, the purpose behind them. I always say that a tear is pain we have within us being released in a natural way. When people grieve there are tears, when we have pain there are tears. Yet so many are used to holding them back. Do we think that holding back tears is a good thing. Why is it a good thing? So others can’t see weakness maybe. So you continue to look strong in others eyes. Well that’s a pride thing, to even worry about what someone else things can be pride. It is also something that means we are considering others which is a good thing so we should not confuse the two.

I remember when I was having I C E chemo to prepare me for my transplant how painful it was. Yet tears back then were just releasing the pain given to me by that nasty chemo. I had to break it down into sections. Sections that meant I had small goals that I achieved even through the tears there could be victory. Small goals are important. Tears seem never ending when dealing with grief sometimes. I liken it to a tunnel, a dark black tunnel that seems to have consumed you. But as I am sat here writing this blog on Friday 9th November 12.09pm. I have realised something. That even a hole has to have an end, be it the other side or the bottom of it. A tunnel has an end, in fact often there is light at the end. It leads me to think about the real purpose of a tear. While we know tears cleanse our bodies, releasing chemicals that are not required. Do they not also cleanse our soul.

You know that the bible even teaches us as Jesus talked to his disciples, preparing them for his death. Saying

“Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds”

This verse has been translated over and over again. Some miss it’s purpose. But in honesty it’s Jesus way of teaching us that what we want to be, who we are proud of. Has to die, or we will not be the blessing to others that we hope to be.

Tears are symbolic of pain being released from our bodies and are an integral part for us to reach the end of our journey. Tears are NOT a sign of weakness they are your bodies way of dealing with things. It’s a natural way for us to gain strength in the future. Actually I would go so far as to say the purpose of this blog is to help you realise that tears have a purpose. They are there for our benefit. Letting tears go, helps us to heal. They really do, each one is a part of your pain smashing to the ground and never to return. Allowing yourself time to grieve over what ever it is that’s changed in your life is very important.

‘

Did you know that cancer carers and suffers suffer grief. Do you know why? It’s because part of you is no longer going to be you in the future. So some hold back the tears, it’s their way of holding onto who we are not what we will become. I can’t believe that I am having to look at new ways of being mobile as the pain in my hips does not ever disappear. It takes a colossal amount of pain killers just to get we up and out the house. Yet even in that there are positives to find. But let’s not digress.

While the old you maybe gone, while someone you love maybe gone. While the life you knew maybe different, our bodies empathise and wants you to come to that important place of acceptance .

What you were will never be who you become anyway, so tears are a good thing, they pave the way for the new you that you will become.

The one thing cancer treatment does do for us, is give us a goal. It gives us a series of days that make us cry, yet when the tears subside. We will see sunshine on a different day, we will leave the journey behind and although the affects of treatment are not pleasant. The fact we have life still remains. Allow yourself to cry, allow your body to deal with what you are going through. It’s important for you to be able to empathise with others, having gone through the tunnel others that face it will want to know about your experiences.

Tears actually lead to strength. The question is after reading this blog post will you “hold back the tears” or will you allow yourself to be the new you that you are becoming?

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Instagram
@fonzymark
Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Everything you read, are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. People share
with others, if it meant something to you, it will to some
one else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own taken whilst creating memories every day.

You could change a life by sharing this post!
Will you?
Copyright ©2018

Life and death.

Tags

encouragement, faith, friends, health, hope, love, loved, Peace, weakness

Over the last few days I have been breaking my heart, the loss of my friend from my school days has really ripped into me. So I have had to go through a process of elimination. To take each step as I find it, yet realising such a hard lesson. That friendships (some at least) were never meant to be permanent. It is indeed right to compare this to a tree.

Our Damson tree

During my journey through life, I have expected to much from people due to my willingness to give so much. Yet I find in this time of deep sadness at a friend from schools death. That I have wasted so much time being disappointed! It’s my fault I have been this way. I expected to much of those around me.

Taken from Simons Facebook.

I have said many times. “That if you have more than 5 true friends it’s to many.”

Take a tree. We will use the tree as an example of people in our lives. That some people we meet are like leaves, that it’s beautiful to see them. But they are there for a purpose (maybe bear fruit) and a short time. The time could be as long as 6 months but one day you won’t even see them again. A gust of wind will come and their life will take a new direction and they will actually be “gone with the wind”

Others are part of the tree but through periods of no rain.(not seeing each other) the twigs break off and carried away by some way that may not be nature. Maybe a dog picks it up and moves it somewhere else. Not everything will go the way we want it to. Because there are to many things outside of our control. People move and you lose touch. Yet you remember them with such fondness. As you get older you know more people, and of course more people will have come in and out of your life.

My wife always says, “it’s the people who are prepared to push the limo when it’s out of fuel that are true friends” even some people at work we find out are actually real friends.

One of my true friends is without doubt a root that holds your tree in the ground. There will not be a time when we lose that. Your parents and siblings should be those roots and your faith should be the tap root. The strongest root of all.

My mistakes in life, are always that I expected to much of people, disappointment and low feelings of upset and of loss of joy.

Jesus said “I am the way, the truth and the life” but that’s not correct on it’s own. The next part reads “No one comes to the father except through me” things are great to have, and I have enjoyed things a lot in my life. Experiences, home, love, and patience. Yet I have wondered in my life, why people don’t do what they say they will. Because it’s something I do my best to do.

Well let me start again, to move forwards with no expectations rather that than the disappointment I have had all of my life. If in life your expectations are exceeded, surly that is kinder on yourself than expecting more than you were ready for. We are all growing and just because someone grows apart, or in a different way, or even place. That does not mean it should or could be hurtful. It comes back again to our own perspectives then doesn’t it surely.

Love what you have right now, but don’t expect something or someone to be in your future because that may not be in the master plan.

I remember going and watching Oasis at Heaton Park in Manchester. Wow what an amazing experience that was. Yet I can’t stand the group. My wife made a sign, her mum Norma died at age 63. We sent the sign forwards as she grew up on the same estate as the oasis brothers did. The sign read.

“Norma would have been here, but it was not a part of the Master plan”

So my friend, thanks for all the times we shared. Thanks for the love you gave in your life that you chose to end. I won’t forget you. After all you were the first to say hi by that tuck shop. Brigsy. You never truly found peace, you always were looking for something else. But what you looked for always shined, people that were fun. Yet now it’s time to say goodbye. but knowing that now for sure you have found peace. You can rest now Si.

See you soon Brigsy! but not yet.

Fonzy

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Instagram

@fonzymark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Everything you read, are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. People share

with others, if it meant something to you, it will to some

one

else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own taken whilst creating memories every day.

You could change a life by sharing this post! Will you?

Copyright ©2018

Positivity changes lives.

Tags

cancer, Christian, desire, encouragement, friends, GOD, Hodgkins, hope, Liverpool, Lord'sPrayer, love, marrow, memories, Peace, southport, survivor, weakness

I did a bit of a test yesterday, I was feeling low and I have to say depressed. I was sat at the table and almost felt there was no point to life. Yet, I have done things for people that have lifted their spirits yet mine were low, I was really down and was punishing myself for not being an,e to do things. That my wife is now the bread winner in our house because of cancer, I was low that my energy levels are still low, my pain is still high. All those things got a hold of me.

Then out of the blue my friend sent me a link, it was about hope and that if you let go of hope then what are you anchored to? Something else perhaps like fear, or helplessness. Self pity, anger. The bible teaches us that perfect love casts out all fear. That fear is a product of our own making. Then I started to realise that even if I didn’t have faith, I had named my dog Faith. Knowing that even if someone was looking after our baby that they to, while they had her would also have faith. I started to think about all the good things I had and the top two were Faith and hope. You can have no money, no possessions and yet still be blessed with Faith and hope.

So you all know I can’t have children or so I am told by the doctors, yet I always look around the house to child proof it for when we do have children. I have hope.

Faith is the substance of things hoped for. Heb 11-1

Now those of you that know me well, will know that when I beat cancer the first time that I bought a lab. We called her faith because I believed I would beat it, I hoped that it would be gone and I believed it would be gone. I want to go back to when I was 4 years old. My parents were poor and they could not afford a bike for me, they told me that if I hoped for a bike then I should pray for a bike and ask God for a bike. My hope for a bike was so much greater than my parents knew, that night I believed I would get a bike and told God I would like a red one please. Every night I prayed, and asked God for a red one. Then one day, someone told us about a bike my dad picked it up and I still remember seeing my red bike with solid tyres by the gorse bush in the back garden lent up against the outside toilet. You see to have faith you need hope.

I had hope I would beat cancer, which gave me faith. Which was the name of our dog. So effectively we always had faith, and we say her name everyday. Yet even with faith I still had to hear those words again. “You have cancer” yes that’s right a second time it came but this time things would be much worse. I would have to have a Bone marrow transplant.

I have to say my faith took a hit and I did become very low exhausted and felt ripped off somehow. Yet still in the back of my mind I had hope, hope that I would win. I started this blog and wrote as my first post.

“I am Mark a cancer fighter, and I will win”

I had hope, and after my treatment was finished I had a fertility test that told me I was infertile and would never have children. We would never get to call our daughter Lily over to us, never get to hold our baby and nurture him or her. If we had a boy he would be called Harry. So we chose a different path and faith had puppies and we kept one. We spent 7 weeks nurturing those pups, letting them go one after the other.

Barney,

Reggie,

Hope,

Bonnie,

Trevor,

They all had their own little personalities and for sure made friendships in the box. If you want to see more of the antics in the box we used #BigPuppyBox

We kept one of the puppies and the one we kept we named Hope, although my wife did change her name to Lily Hope we have Faith and hope in our home and believe it’s a special way to live.

What ever happens in your life, never let go of hope because things hoped for is the substance of faith. With faith in what we don’t understand we can rise above our circumstances.

So yesterday I wrote a positive post. I wrote that I had beaten cancer and that I was 2 1/2 years out of transplant and that if I could you could. I stayed anchored to hope but I chose to do that. We now have a 9 month old puppy called Lily Hope, now we always have hope. But you can have hope also, you just have to chose it over fear. Because does not have a positive ending where even in the darkness hope can bring light and help you have faith that you will win.

What ever you choose I hope, you choose faith. Because that’s where a new beginning starts. Here is a picture of Faith and Hope as I write.

My state of depression was lifted because I chose hope. What will you choose dear friends?

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Instagram

@fonzymark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.

Everything you read are better based on my own experipence and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Pleapse share with others, if it meant something tou you it owill to someone

else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.

You could change a life by sharing this post! Will you?

Copyright ©2017

Your future, not your pain.

Tags

awareness, cancer, Christian, destiny, Families, friends, GOD, Goodness, happiness, health, longevity, muscle, Peace, relentless, together, unity, weakness, Writing

Your future, not your pain.

WOOH! 

The reality of  the past 7 years and the realisation that what I was interested in doing. (Encouraging someone everyday) has been achieved. Nuts really how this has happened considering the pain that envelopes me on a daily basis. Success is doing what you say your going to do. Asking if I want a coffee in a morning if you know me is pointless. Making a coffee for me if you so wished, I don’t take milk and less than one teaspoon of sugar. The point of this post is to talk with you about doing, not considering it. Talking to me seems useless, but standing up and doing something means so much to me these days.  

You see when your faced with losing your own life, no really you do start to see. It’s only then that you become. Let me explain. Good people, give. They don’t say, hey can I, do you mind if I, please let me. Good people do, they don’t speak of what’s happened. They just do, possibly because they have learnt the same lessons as me. This next picture I took of one of my friends and it speaks so much of what’s going on in this world. That to enjoy what you can’t control, is so much more of a peaceful way to live. Yet, I so often allowed things outside of my control to affect me. I know as another friend reminded me yesterday that we are of course ALWAYS a work in progress. If we are only willing to allow ourselves to not be controlled by our surroundings. Rather to accept what others choose, and enjoy what they choose even if it’s not what we would have done. 

This picture although not me, says all I want to say to you really. That to let what’s around you be, and be comfortable with others choices. That no matter what is or has happened around you standing and doing what you feel is right is actually right for you. No other way is right. To stop talking and start doing is when you discover life in its true fullness.

I know I have spoken of sentences the bible says at times in my blog. But this is what I mean.

Jesus Predicts His Death

John 12 vs…23But Jesus replied, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. 24Truly, truly, I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a seed; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. 25Whoever loves his life will lose it, but whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.…

In other words, if you continue to hate the world you live in and live a life of turmoil it will always be that. But let go of those things and allow the world to be around you and not try to change them. I most certainly will continue to become a better person. To stop allowing things others do to not bother me as appossed to annoy me. That the journey of others is theirs nit mine. Whilst on holiday, a Dacia Duster driver was reversing. Seemingly directly into the car I was driving. 

 

My accepting the world photo.

Why can’t you just laugh knowing your a better driver than that, Sentance. Changed my perspective and as ever. If your not with a friend that loves you enough to not let you stay the way you are. Then the chances are your with people that are around you because they want something from you. People that love you will always challenge you. But then of course they will always accept you to. But love you to much to let you stay that way. 

That’s what the verse means, until you stop worrying about your souroundings. You will never enjoy what your surroundings are.

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Instagram

 @fonzymark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience) 

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 

Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Pleapse share with others, if it meant something tou you it owill to someone

 else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
You could change a life by sharing this post! Will you?

Copyright ©2017

A smile can change a life.

Tags

cancer, Compassion, dad, faith, gift, happiness, health, help, hope, Lord'sPrayer, love, not, passion, Peace, StevenHawkins, survivor, today, together, Writing, yang, yin

I always thought I would sink so I never swam.

Throughout our lives we are faced with opportunities. Some I chose not to choose and some I am so grateful I did choose. Like friendships, to go this way or that. Have you ever stopped to think; what would I have happened if I had chosen a different path. Where life would have taken us should we have chosen to befriend someone or not.

I remember once walking down a street and our eyes met we smiled at each other and carried on walking. Perhaps had I stopped I would not have the people in my life I do today. But is not about what we didn’t do is it. It’s about what we did do that chances our path. Or is it the not doing that takes us on a new path to the things we choose to do.

For me I am happy I never stopped that day, although it’s still something in my mind. Because without me choosing not to I did not sink. Or maybe that smile was just something we shared that made both of our lives better.

I adore smiling at people I think need some kindness. 3 days ago I smiled at a married lady with little hair. “You on chemotherapy” I said. She lit up and gave me a hug. It was like we understood and empathised with each other. It’s amazing how we can affect someone’s life just by understanding someone.

Only you can have that affect on someone. Only you can bring light into someone’s life. Never say you are not able to do anything, because even a smile can have a positive affect on others lives. You have the smile and ability to do that. Try it make someone’s day, choose to smile today. Let me know how that went in the comments.

Let’s affect the world with kindness.

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Instagram

@fonzymark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.

Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Pleapse share with others, if it meant something tou you it owill to someone

else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.

You could change a life by sharing this post! Will you?

Copyright ©2017

I know what it’s like to eat salty bacon with tears.

Tags

awareness, bone, cancer, faith, Families, friends, Hodgkins, hope, life, love, partner, Peace, strength, survivor, transplant, weakness

I know what it’s like to eat salty bacon with tears.

I don’t know how many of you have just watched “Growing up with cancer” but I just did. Children that had the cancer i did, children that had to grow up with cancer and face things no child should. Well it took me back once again to that room where I had my stem cell transplant.  Kids are so resilient aren’t they, accepting of their situation and able to rationalise things and adapt. They seem to be able to deal with things quickly and efficiently. 

There was a young lad in the wards that became depressed and lost his appetite. He was unable to eat due to how he felt, he was angry and upset although he was uncertain of why he was so unhappy. Being depressed he was certain of. I know I was low and forced my family away from me, which is actually why I am writing this very post.  The family that wanted to be close to me I pushed away.  I did not allow them on the ward even though they could have really. I was so hung up on the word. Isolation. 

I wanted to give myself the best chance at beating cancer and living longer by not being around any germs what so ever. Well I want to put that right right now. Today should my wife’s dad be alive he would be 74. But cancer took him aged 59. I never knew him. But it’s made me realise I was wrong to be that way, that I should apologise to my family and say Sorry. Sorry for keeping you at arms length, and ask that you all forgive me.

Whilst in that room the chemo they give you, is so horrendous that you get hundreds of ulcers all the way through your body. They tell you that you are unable to eat, and that you would be better to have a nose tube to be fed through, and that exercise would be impossible. 

What I did in there I did for my family, I did what I thought I could to come through. I did press ups on the visiting chair that my wife used sometimes. I walked from the bed to the ensuite which was about 5 steps and back whilst having chemo moving all of the time and eating my breakfast not once but twice everyday. Sounds greedy right? Wrong. I would say eating bacon with ulcers in your mouth throat, intestines, all the way through to your bowl is not easy. You cry whilst eating making the bacon taste saltier. But every bite hurts like hell as it goes through your body making you not want to eat. Without doubt the easiest thing to do is to not eat, to choose nothing off the menu to sleep all day and not excercise. To give up. 

All I did in there I did for my family, and want to say sorry for not doing the things you wanted me to. It was wrong of me. 

To anyone that’s facing cancer or supporting anyone with cancer. What seems normal in life without cancer is most certainly not normal in a life during cancer. 

But I leave you with this, to do something is better than doing nothing, even if at the time it may seem like the wrong thing to do, it’s still better to do.
Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience) 

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. I

Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone

 else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
You could change a life by sharing this post! Will you?

Copyright ©2017

Helping the helper.

Tags

helping, love, others, Peace, strength

Helping the Helper

Hi, my name is Rob and I’m a friend of Mark’s from cyberspace. We never met in person. Anyway, you all know Mark has made a promise to himself that if he is able he would write each day with hope of encouraging someone in doubt or pain. To inspire them to take that one more step in the one-step at a time journey. So here’s the irony. Mark is the one who needs some help now. So that’s what I’m doing, helping in that only way I can. I offered to “guest blog” so that his vision can continue and he can rest and do some healing without having to think so much about writing or not writing. This one’s for you Fonz!

There are things we have to experience in life that we don’t like. Things we rather not have anything to do with. And this happens on all levels; from mundane everyday things to large life changing experiences. The everyday stuff kind of goes unnoticed. We complain about it, move on and then forget about it. But the big ones….those we never forget. And there are 2 reasons we don’t forget them as far as I can see. The first is obvious. It was so horrendous and painful that it’s like a brand on our memory, a scar that may fade but never disappear. The other reason is very hard, neigh, impossible to see when you are buried under the weight of your trial by fire. You are blinded from seeing almost anything then the suffering you endure. But endure you must and so it goes on and on. Maybe days or week or years. The second reason we don’t forget is the gift we are granted at the end or diminishing of our suffering. You see, humans that endure such hardship are rewarded with some form of bliss or gratitude. I believe that the purer one’s heart the greater the gift. (I can’t tell you what a pure heart is, that’s for you to find out.)

So please dear reader, take moment right now and imagine yourself, your loved one, yes, and Mark, having relief. A gentle sigh from their lips, a release of tension from their shoulders and a smile on their face. This is what I call prayer or visualization or sending good vibes or wishing them all the best. 

Peace,

Rob

It’s a choice.

Tags

choices, choose, collage, encouragement, faith, forgiveness, gentleness, hope, life, love, Peace

It’s our choice you would think what affects us in our lives is our fault right? Non of us know if they will get cancer. Or become ill. You who ate kebabs all your life or a minister that had or has a roast every week. When we get cancer we become we. People with cancer realise that we actually are the same after all. I met a lady yesterday who had had cervical cancer, she also struggled with leg pain. She described it as like I do, walking through treacle like her legs were like led weights. She found it difficult to bend down and get up. It’s upsetting how the very choice she made (to have treatment) is the reason that she has the pain. The cancer did not give her the pain, the way it was removed caused her the pain proberbly for the rest of her life. But how long that pain free life would have been without treatment is anyone’s guess.

It’s the same for anyone that chooses to prolong life and have treatment, they are almost certainly left with some kind of side effect. I did have my pain down to having had cancer in my bones, being at 4 a one step away from terminal.  The pain is without doubt some days unbearable, especially after doing something for a long period. Long could be 20 mins these days. 

  
I chose to save my life through treatment, therefore I chose the pain I am in every day. I know that, but it does not make it any easier to deal with. It does not make it easier to be positive everyday. But guess what. I choose to be positive every day, I have to make a conscious choice to enjoy another day or to be miserable in it. When I find myself getting really low because of the pain, I think about Steven Hawkin and how much he has to deal with. Yet making it to his 70’s he still goes to university and encourages many people everyday. Steven Hawkin is my bench mark, my get over yourself person. My if he can I can person, my help in times of despair . Everyone needs a way of making yourself do, I way of compelling yourself onwards. So now I have had my pain killers I am going to take Faithy out and throw the ball for her so she gets some excercise and I am going to say hello to everyone I see and smile through the pain.

What we choose to be, is what we will be.

Fonz

Follow me, I will follow back. 😊
http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience) 

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 

Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own.

Copyright © 2016

Black or white.

Tags

acceptance, black, business, cancer, creed, hope, labels, love, Peace, princeea, white

How are you today, I was drawn attention to this video this morning. It’s something that’s been on my mind for a while but had no idea how to approach it. Yet I should have, because no one taught cancer to know what your race is. I love the car idea. That we are all given a car/body. We did not choose it, we just find ourselves in it… It’s not a choice is it to be black or white. Although it seems black people want to be white, and white people want to be black. That is why you see whit people sunbathing. 

When I was in the cancer day unit you saw people walk in there from all walks of life, different people different ages from all corners of the earth. Kenny Dalglishs wife was treated in my ward. They like me chose the NHS for treatment because they have the best doctors. I have no idea why cancer chose me, maybe you are a fortunate one and cancer never chose you.  I really hope if that is the case that it never does. But cancer does not define us, we are who we are on the inside. Many people have battle scars from cancer, scars on their face, body but is that scar who they are. NO. 

  
We are still the same person inside arnt we, as prince Ea says, we are taught to be black or white, Asian or Mexican. As he also says when we are babies we did not care what colour another babies skin is or was. We were taught to give someone a label to someone by society weren’t we. We all were without exception, we were taught to put a tick that says black white or Asian next to it. 

Well I want my innocence back, I don’t want to judge you by your scars, your colour or creed. I just want to accept you because of who you are inside. I want to care about  the inner you, the you that really matters, I want to unlearn what those boxes mean and start to accept. In sales we are taught not to prejudge people on appearances, it’s the same thing on earth. We are all people, I mean what right do I have to do anything but love my Nieghbour. The bible even speaks about it, saying We (humans) are one body. It does not matter what colour your skin is, we should just love and respect each other without the labels. Would we not live a happier life, would we not enjoy life more if ALL the barriers were removed. The labels removed and there was just one box that said Human. Because that’s what we all are isn’t it. Human. Who care what colour our skin is right? 

If you see the scar, try and remember the person has not changed. It’s just some of the skin they are wrapped up in is gone, so they can live again. It’s not how we look, it’s who we are that matters.

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience) 

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 

Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own.

Copyright © 2016

Love yourself.

Tags

achieve, affair, age, animal, attitude, avec, awareness, baby, banned, be live, because, believer, Bellamy, best, birthday, black, blood, bone, BONE MARROW TRANSPLANT, brain, can, cancer, chemo, chemotheropy, Christian, Christmas, Christmaseve, Cole, Compassion, courage, cricket, cruise, CS, dad, David, dead, death, define, Depressed, depression, desire, destiny, diagnosis, did, died, Do, does, Edmonds, empathy, encouragement, endurance, energy, England, Eve, expect, Experience, facebook, faith, falling, Families, family, floating, foundations, friends, gallery, gift, gifts, given, goals, GOD, Good, Goodness, great, greatness, guilt, Hannah, hansolo, happiness, happy, hard, healing, health, help, Hodgkins, hope, hospital, Jewish, jobs, Johnny, know, last day, Learn, Leicester, life, lire, Listen, live, lived, Liverpool, London, longevity, Lord'sPrayer, love, loved, Low, machine, marks, marrow, MDU, meal, meaning, memories, memory, Monkey, morph, Morris, motivation, mum, muscle, Muslim, Natalie Cole, Natking, neurology, neutrapeenic, new year, Noel, not, of, oncology, one, one day, onedirection, Paddington, Paris, partner, passion, Peace, people, persevere, precious, Presence, R2D2, raise, real, reality, recover, regret, Rejected, Rejection, relentless, Remember, resolution, rises, Samaritan, SENSATION, Sharing, shortbread, silverback, somebody, southport, Spirituality, square, stage, star, stats, Stemcell, Steve, StevenHawkins, StMichael, stories, strength, struggle, survived, survivor, swopshop, taught, teach, tennis, Thames, thankyou, there, time, today, together, Tohetehr, Tony hart, transplant, Transplanted, travel, tree, true, tvr, twitter, unite, unity, wars, WE, weakness, wealth, wealthy, what, white, who you are, will, win, Wordpress, working, Writing, yang, year, yes, yin, you, yourself

Throughout my life there have been many stages, but one lesson I would say is perhaps the hardest, or maybe took the longest. Was to learn to love myself, you see most people blame situations people, ( I was dealt a bad hand)  my friend says it like. The people in the pub that have a woulda coulda story – if only it was not for such and such. Well it’s all a load of rubbish. Absolute BS. Our future is in our hands but unfortunately, if we don’t live ourselves we will find life is so much harder than it would otherwise be should we be happy with who we are. We have to become that person that when the person who is looking back, your content with. I am not saying the full article because no human is ever the ful article in my opinion. We learn until the day we die if always want to improve ourselves. 

  
I personally want to better today than I was yesterday, I think they call it growing. Always learning and always becoming a better you. Let me put it this way, a house needs solid foundations to last. Without solid foundations there will be cracks in the plaster in time, bricks will move and the house will become unstable. Loving yourself is the foundation for everything we build on top of it, a relationship, the ability to live with your whole heart, holding down a good job, respect from others. No one will respect you if you don’t respect yourself.  

  
I found the right person to marry because I had found myself in travelling Australia, yup that’s what it took for me. It was not till I was 36 and a broken marriage behind me that I became truly happy with the reflection in my mirror. Very late in life I would say, but at least I got there in the end. Cancer has honed me, made me a better more rounded person enabling me to see life through the eyes of a disability. The disability being the disabling treatments that my cancer demanded. In your life you will have your own challenges, but what ever happens in your life love the person who you are before you build a life.

Have a great weekend

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

Chemo Brain.

Tags

achieve, affair, age, animal, attitude, avec, awareness, baby, banned, be live, because, believer, Bellamy, best, birthday, black, blood, bone, BONE MARROW TRANSPLANT, brain, can, cancer, chemo, chemotheropy, Christian, Christmas, Christmaseve, Cole, Compassion, courage, cricket, cruise, CS, dad, David, dead, death, define, Depressed, depression, desire, destiny, diagnosis, did, died, Do, does, Edmonds, empathy, encouragement, energy, England, Eve, expect, Experience, facebook, faith, falling, Families, family, floating, foundations, friends, gallery, gift, gifts, given, goals, GOD, Good, Goodness, great, greatness, guilt, Hannah, hansolo, happiness, happy, hard, healing, health, help, Hodgkins, hope, hospital, Jewish, jobs, Johnny, know, last day, Learn, Leicester, life, lire, Listen, live, lived, Liverpool, London, longevity, Lord'sPrayer, love, loved, Low, machine, marks, marrow, MDU, meal, meaning, memories, memory, Monkey, morph, Morris, motivation, mum, muscle, Muslim, Natalie Cole, Natking, neurology, neutrapeenic, new year, Noel, not, of, oncology, one, one day, onedirection, Paddington, Paris, partner, passion, Peace, people, persevere, precious, Presence, R2D2, raise, real, reality, recover, regret, Rejected, Rejection, relentless, Remember, resolution, rises, Samaritan, SENSATION, Sharing, shortbread, silverback, somebody, southport, Spirituality, square, stage, star, stats, Stemcell, Steve, StevenHawkins, StMichael, stories, strength, struggle, survived, survivor, swopshop, taught, teach, tennis, Thames, thankyou, there, time, today, together, Tohetehr, Tony hart, transplant, Transplanted, travel, tree, true, tvr, twitter, unite, unity, wars, WE, weakness, wealth, wealthy, what, white, who you are, will, win, Wordpress, working, Writing, yang, year, yes, yin, you, yourself

I read an article today on a site called Had cancer, talking about different ways that we feel sometimes years after having had chemotheropy. Some doctors say it does not exsist, (apparently) I have never had this exsperience with doctors myself but then I am quite a large person both physically and in personality. After reading the article I realised that maybe I could write about the very thing that frustrates me so much. So let me explain how it is for me as a cancer patient that like the person who wrote the article. I had cancer!

So for me when I was having chemo, even my first chemo (mine was very strong) it had to be I was at 4 a and in a bad way. Close to losing my life and riddled with cancer. Remember in previous blogs I have talked about chemo feeling like snakes in your head, it did. Sometimes your head even hurts as you remember stuff, but then your brain is a muscle. It has lots of connections in the brain that need to work in a certain way. Now I am not a doctor, but it makes sense to me that maybe the brain has been affected in a small way by the drugs pumped into my body. I do forget things where I didn’t before. So I have to write things down to remember them. Where as before I really never did I just remembered.

Trust me no cancer patient uses it as an excuse, after all who wants to forget? I look like a Pratt sometimes because I repeat myself, repeat myself. Seriously though it’s embarrassing.

  Picture by Fine acupuncture.com
People that have not had cancer will never understand how it affects a human being. How can they, we must excuse their ignorance in not trying to even understand. I have been insulted, even misjudged by people close to me. I have to realise it’s not something they will understand unless they try to. Walking around pointing the finger at someone suffering does not help anyone.

Chemo brain can last for years so if it’s you, know it’s a possible normal for you. It’s frustrating because people may get annoyed at you, no one will understand unless they have researched what you maybe feeling. It does not mean we have lost our intelligence. It means we have been affected by chemothearopy, our memories may not be up to scratch but it does not mean we are inadequate. Far from it, chemo brain is real. But the fact is that chemo brain is much more frustrating for the person with it than it is for the person communicating with that person. Have a great day and know that your not alone, there are I suspect many that will read this and realise that it’s normal and even feel a bit better about it. Because others feel what they do.

Have a good weekend

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

Do u listen to understand or listen to reply.

Tags

achieve, affair, age, animal, attitude, avec, awareness, baby, banned, be live, because, believer, Bellamy, best, birthday, black, blood, bone, BONE MARROW TRANSPLANT, can, cancer, chemotheropy, Christian, Christmas, Christmaseve, Cole, Compassion, courage, cricket, cruise, CS, dad, David, dead, death, define, Depressed, depression, desire, destiny, diagnosis, did, died, Do, does, Edmonds, empathy, encouragement, energy, England, Eve, expect, Experience, facebook, faith, falling, Families, family, floating, foundations, friends, gallery, gift, gifts, given, goals, GOD, Good, Goodness, great, greatness, guilt, Hannah, hansolo, happiness, happy, hard, healing, health, help, Hodgkins, hope, hospital, Jewish, jobs, Johnny, know, last day, Learn, Leicester, life, lire, Listen, live, lived, Liverpool, London, longevity, Lord'sPrayer, love, loved, Low, machine, marks, marrow, MDU, meal, meaning, memories, memory, Monkey, morph, Morris, motivation, mum, muscle, Muslim, Natalie Cole, Natking, neurology, neutrapeenic, new year, Noel, not, of, oncology, one, one day, onedirection, Paddington, Paris, partner, passion, Peace, people, persevere, precious, Presence, R2D2, raise, real, reality, recover, regret, Rejected, Rejection, relentless, Remember, resolution, rises, Samaritan, SENSATION, Sharing, shortbread, silverback, somebody, southport, Spirituality, square, stage, star, stats, Stemcell, Steve, StevenHawkins, StMichael, stories, strength, struggle, survived, survivor, swopshop, taught, teach, tennis, Thames, thankyou, there, time, today, together, Tohetehr, Tony hart, transplant, Transplanted, travel, tree, true, tvr, twitter, unite, unity, wars, WE, weakness, wealth, wealthy, what, white, who you are, will, win, Wordpress, working, Writing, yang, year, yes, yin, you, yourself

Do you know the differance? Ok well here is my take on it. If your a friend to someone you will listen to understand what they are going through or facing. If you listen to reply, you are more interested in what your opinion is than helping the person to deal with the problem they are telling you about. God, if you believe there is a God ( I do). When he made us made us with 2 ears and one mouth, interesting don’t you think?  Does that not mean we should listen more than we speak, sounds  daft as I write this as I love speaking, but I also love to solution stuff. The only way we can solution is by listening, I love coming up with answers to situations. But hate jigsaws.

For a long time in my life I thought that people wanted to hear my opinion, when in fact the person that really wanted to hear my opinion was Me. I was a selfish person in some ways, even though my motive may have been good the result of my motive was to reply with my opinion. 

  
I have realised that by listening your learning, and when your speaking you are not learning anything at all. It’s a skill to listen and one I am working on everyday, as I endeavour to complete my challenge of blogging everyday for a whole year. 365 days. I am busy learning to as I get feedback from people, people that care, some are surprised that I am nearly 3/4 of the way through and still am doing what I said I would do. I know it’s helping people be use people are telling me and I am listening. Using the skill I am honing to listen to other people to understand as opposed to reply. 

  
Listening to understand not only gives us more knowledge but also it helps us to understand people and their situations. Which I turn gives us experience. The one thing about exsperience is you can’t buy it, you can buy someone to tell us from their exsperience, but if we want to have exsperience we have no choice but to listen and learn from someone else.  Because that’s what listening to understand does. It gives us the exsperience that we can call on in another situation in the future. We may be able to recall what we have learnt and help us in our very own situation. This may mean nothing to you, you may think you know what I am saying and don’t need to hear it. If that’s the case then you will not learn anything.

Have a great Friday,

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

Steve job (his final words)

Tags

achieve, affair, age, animal, attitude, avec, awareness, baby, banned, because, believer, Bellamy, best, birthday, black, blood, bone, can, cancer, Christian, Christmas, Christmaseve, Compassion, courage, cricket, cruise, CS, dad, David, death, Depressed, depression, desire, destiny, diagnosis, did, Do, does, Edmonds, encouragement, energy, England, Eve, expect, Experience, facebook, faith, falling, Families, family, floating, foundations, friends, gift, gifts, given, GOD, Good, Goodness, greatness, guilt, Hannah, hansolo, happiness, hard, healing, health, help, Hodgkins, hope, hospital, Jewish, jobs, Johnny, know, Leicester, life, lire, live, lived, Liverpool, London, longevity, Lord'sPrayer, love, loved, Low, machine, marks, marrow, MDU, meal, meaning, memories, memory, Monkey, Morris, motivation, muscle, Muslim, neurology, neutrapeenic, Noel, not, of, oncology, one, Paddington, Paris, partner, passion, Peace, people, persevere, precious, Presence, R2D2, raise, real, reality, recover, regret, relentless, Remember, rises, Samaritan, SENSATION, Sharing, shortbread, silverback, somebody, southport, Spirituality, square, stage, star, Stemcell, Steve, StevenHawkins, StMichael, stories, strength, struggle, survived, survivor, swopshop, taught, teach, tennis, Thames, thankyou, there, time, today, together, transplant, Transplanted, travel, tree, true, tvr, twitter, unite, unity, wars, weakness, wealth, wealthy, what, white, will, win, Writing, yang, year, yes, yin, you, yourself

This is what one of the richest men ever to become wealthy thought of life. Some of the things I have been saying in my blogs… This writing may not be exact, some think incorrect. I just think the words are perfect and for all mankind!

Steve Jobs’ Last Words –
I reached the pinnacle of success in the business world.

In others’ eyes, my life is an epitome of success.
However, aside from work, I have little joy. In the end, wealth is only a fact of life that I am accustomed to.
At this moment, lying on the sick bed and recalling my whole life, I realize that all the recognition and wealth that I took so much pride in, have paled and become meaningless in the face of impending death.
In the darkness, I look at the green lights from the life supporting machines and hear the humming mechanical sounds, I can feel the breath of god of death drawing closer…
Now I know, when we have accumulated sufficient wealth to last our lifetime, we should pursue other matters that are unrelated to wealth…

Should be something that is more important:
Perhaps relationships, perhaps art, perhaps a dream from younger days …

Non-stop pursuing of wealth will only turn a person into a twisted being, just like me.
God gave us the senses to let us feel the love in everyone’s heart, not the illusions brought about by wealth.
The wealth I have won in my life I cannot bring with me.

What I can bring is only the memories precipitated by love.

That’s the true riches which will follow you, accompany you, giving you strength and light to go on.
Love can travel a thousand miles. Life has no limit. Go where you want to go. Reach the height you want to reach. It is all in your heart and in your hands.

What is the most expensive bed in the world? – “Sick bed” …
You can employ someone to drive the car for you, make money for you but you cannot have someone to bear the sickness for you.

Material things lost can be found. But there is one thing that can never be found when it is lost – “Life”.
When a person goes into the operating room, he will realize that there is one book that he has yet to finish reading – “Book of Healthy Life”.
Whichever stage in life we are at right now, with time, we will face the day when the curtain comes down.
Treasure Love for your family, love for your spouse, love for your friends…
Treat yourself well. Cherish others.
  
Look after each other

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

If it’s meant to be, it WILL be.

Tags

achieve, affair, age, animal, attitude, avec, awareness, baby, banned, because, believer, Bellamy, best, birthday, black, blood, bone, can, cancer, Christian, Christmas, Compassion, cruise, CS, dad, David, desire, destiny, did, Do, does, energy, facebook, faith, falling, Families, family, floating, foundations, friends, gift, gifts, given, GOD, Goodness, greatness, guilt, Hannah, happiness, health, help, Hodgkins, hope, hospital, Jewish, know, Leicester, life, lire, live, lived, Liverpool, London, longevity, Lord'sPrayer, love, loved, machine, marks, marrow, MDU, meal, meaning, memories, memory, Monkey, motivation, muscle, neurology, neutrapeenic, not, of, oncology, one, Paddington, Paris, partner, passion, Peace, Presence, R2D2encouragement, raise, relentless, Remember, rises, SENSATION, shortbread, silverback, somebody, southport, Spirituality, square, star, StevenHawkins, StMichael, stories, strength, struggle, survived, survivor, Thames, thankyou, today, together, transplant, travel, tree, true, tvr, twitter, unite, unity, wars, weakness, white, will, win, Writing, yang, yin, you

This is a must read, a true story that has touched my heart!
As I walked home one freezing day, I stumbled on a wallet someone had lost in the street. I picked it up and looked inside to find some identification so I could call the owner. But the wallet contained only three dollars and a crumpled letter that looked as if it had been in there for years.
The envelope was worn and the only thing that was legible on it was the return address. I started to open the letter, hoping to find some clue. Then I saw the dateline–1924. The letter had been written almost 60 years ago.
It was written in a beautiful feminine handwriting on powder blue stationery with a little flower in the left-hand corner. It was a “Dear John” letter that told the recipient, whose name appeared to be Michael, that the writer could not see him anymore because her mother forbade it. Even so, she wrote that she would always love him.
It was signed, Hannah.
It was a beautiful letter, but there was no way except for the name Michael, that the owner could be identified. Maybe if I called information, the operator could find a phone listing for the address on the envelope.
“Operator,” I began, “this is an unusual request. I’m trying to find the owner of a wallet that I found. Is there anyway you can tell me if there is a phone number for an address that was on an envelope in the wallet?”
She suggested I speak with her supervisor, who hesitated for a moment then said, “Well, there is a phone listing at that address, but I can’t give you the number.” She said, as a courtesy, she would call that number, explain my story and would ask them if they wanted her to connect me.
I waited a few minutes and then she was back on the line. “I have a party who will speak with you.”
I asked the woman on the other end of the line if she knew anyone by the name of Hannah. She gasped, “Oh! We bought this house from a family who had a daughter named Hannah. But that was 30 years ago!”
“Would you know where that family could be located now?” I asked.
“I remember that Hannah had to place her mother in a nursing home some years ago,” the woman said. “Maybe if you got in touch with them they might be able to track down the daughter.”
She gave me the name of the nursing home and I called the number. They told me the old lady had passed away some years ago but they did have a phone number for where they thought the daughter might be living.
I thanked them and phoned. The woman who answered explained that Hannah herself was now living in a nursing home.
This whole thing was stupid, I thought to myself. Why was I making such a big deal over finding the owner of a wallet that had only three dollars and a letter that was almost 60 years old?
Nevertheless, I called the nursing home in which Hannah was supposed to be living and the man who answered the phone told me, “Yes, Hannah is staying with us.”
Even though it was already 10 p.m., I asked if I could come by to see her. “Well,” he said hesitatingly, “if you want to take a chance, she might be in the day room watching television.”
I thanked him and drove over to the nursing home. The night nurse and a guard greeted me at the door. We went up to the third floor of the large building. In the day room, the nurse introduced me to Hannah.
She was a sweet, silver-haired oldtimer with a warm smile and a twinkle in her eye. I told her about finding the wallet and showed her the letter. The second she saw the powder blue envelope with that little flower on the left, she took a deep breath and said, “Young man, this letter was the last contact I ever had with Michael.”
She looked away for a moment deep in thought and then said softly, “I loved him very much. But I was only 16 at the time and my mother felt I was too young. Oh, he was so handsome. He looked like Sean Connery, the actor.”
“Yes,” she continued. “Michael Goldstein was a wonderful person. If you should find him, tell him I think of him often. And,” she hesitated for a moment, almost biting her lip, “tell him I still love him. You know,” she said smiling as tears began to well up in her eyes, “I never did marry. I guess no one ever matched up to Michael…”
I thanked Hannah and said goodbye. I took the elevator to the first floor and as I stood by the door, the guard there asked, “Was the old lady able to help you?”
I told him she had given me a lead. “At least I have a last name. But I think I’ll let it go for a while. I spent almost the whole day trying to find the owner of this wallet.”
I had taken out the wallet, which was a simple brown leather case with red lacing on the side. When the guard saw it, he said, “Hey, wait a minute! That’s Mr. Goldstein’s wallet. I’d know it anywhere with that bright red lacing. He’s always losing that wallet. I must have found it in the halls at least three times.”
“Who’s Mr. Goldstein?” I asked as my hand began to shake.
“He’s one of the oldtimers on the 8th floor. That’s Mike Goldstein’s wallet for sure. He must have lost it on one of his walks.” I thanked the guard and quickly ran back to the nurse’s office. I told her what the guard had said. We went back to the elevator and got on. I prayed that Mr. Goldstein would be up.
On the eighth floor, the floor nurse said, “I think he’s still in the day room. He likes to read at night. He’s a darling old man.”
We went to the only room that had any lights on and there was a man reading a book. The nurse went over to him and asked if he had lost his wallet. Mr. Goldstein looked up with surprise, put his hand in his back pocket and said, “Oh, it is missing!”
“This kind gentleman found a wallet and we wondered if it could be yours?”
I handed Mr. Goldstein the wallet and the second he saw it, he smiled with relief and said, “Yes, that’s it! It must have dropped out of my pocket this afternoon. I want to give you a reward.”
“No, thank you,” I said. “But I have to tell you something. I read the letter in the hope of finding out who owned the wallet.”
The smile on his face suddenly disappeared. “You read that letter?”
“Not only did I read it, I think I know where Hannah is.”
He suddenly grew pale. “Hannah? You know where she is? How is she? Is she still as pretty as she was? Please, please tell me,” he begged.
“She’s fine…just as pretty as when you knew her.” I said softly.
The old man smiled with anticipation and asked, “Could you tell me where she is? I want to call her tomorrow.” He grabbed my hand and said, “You know something, Mister? I was so in love with that girl that when that letter came, my life literally ended. I never married. I guess I’ve always loved her.”
“Mr. Goldstein,” I said, “Come with me.”
We took the elevator down to the third floor. The hallways were darkened and only one or two little night-lights lit our way to the day room where Hannah was sitting alone watching the television. The nurse walked over to her.
“Hannah,” she said softly, pointing to Michael, who was waiting with me in the doorway. “Do you know this man?”
She adjusted her glasses, looked for a moment, but didn’t say a word. Michael said softly, almost in a whisper, “Hannah, it’s Michael. Do you remember me?”
She gasped, “Michael! I don’t believe it! Michael! It’s you! My Michael!” He walked slowly towards her and they embraced. The nurse and I left with tears streaming down our faces.
“See,” I said. “See how the Good Lord works! If it’s meant to be, it will be.”
About three weeks later I got a call at my office from the nursing home. “Can you break away on Sunday to attend a wedding? Michael and Hannah are going to tie the knot!”
It was a beautiful wedding with all the people at the nursing home dressed up to join in the celebration. Hannah wore a light beige dress and looked beautiful. Michael wore a dark blue suit and stood tall. They made me their best man.
The hospital gave them their own room and if you ever wanted to see a 76-year-old bride and a 79-year-old groom acting like two teenagers, you had to see this couple.
A perfect ending for a love affair that had lasted nearly 60 years.

  

Your past does not define you.

Tags

achieve, affair, age, animal, attitude, avec, awareness, baby, banned, be live, because, believer, Bellamy, best, birthday, black, blood, bone, BONE MARROW TRANSPLANT, can, cancer, chemotheropy, Christian, Christmas, Christmaseve, Cole, Compassion, courage, cricket, cruise, CS, dad, David, dead, death, define, Depressed, depression, desire, destiny, diagnosis, did, died, Do, does, Edmonds, empathy, encouragement, energy, England, Eve, expect, Experience, facebook, faith, falling, Families, family, floating, foundations, friends, gallery, gift, gifts, given, goals, GOD, Good, Goodness, great, greatness, guilt, Hannah, hansolo, happiness, happy, hard, healing, health, help, Hodgkins, hope, hospital, Jewish, jobs, Johnny, know, last day, Leicester, life, lire, live, lived, Liverpool, London, longevity, Lord'sPrayer, love, loved, Low, machine, marks, marrow, MDU, meal, meaning, memories, memory, Monkey, morph, Morris, motivation, mum, muscle, Muslim, Natalie Cole, Natking, neurology, neutrapeenic, new year, Noel, not, of, oncology, one, one day, onedirection, Paddington, Paris, partner, passion, Peace, people, persevere, precious, Presence, R2D2, raise, real, reality, recover, regret, Rejected, Rejection, relentless, Remember, resolution, rises, Samaritan, SENSATION, Sharing, shortbread, silverback, somebody, southport, Spirituality, square, stage, star, stats, Stemcell, Steve, StevenHawkins, StMichael, stories, strength, struggle, survived, survivor, swopshop, taught, teach, tennis, Thames, thankyou, there, time, today, together, Tohetehr, Tony hart, transplant, Transplanted, travel, tree, true, tvr, twitter, unite, unity, wars, WE, weakness, wealth, wealthy, what, white, who you are, will, win, Wordpress, working, Writing, yang, year, yes, yin, you, yourself

Who you were you cannot change, but what you become is in your hands. You can be what ever you want to be, do what ever you want to do. You can achieve what ever you want to achieve. It’s believing what you say is true. You see for you to achieve what you want to achieve it means  you first have to believe it’s possible then step out in faith putting one foot in front of the other, and move forward. You see the further you move forwards the dimmer the light of your “what was”  will be. Of course I am meaning for my cancer journey, it’s not something I want or need to remember. The more days I live without cancer, the more I believe it’s possible to have a future with out it.

  
Whilst this blog will be short, it’s just to remind you and me. That because we have had cancer and are in remmission, this does not define us as a person. Even if you are having treatment it does not define you, what defines you is what you do right now. What you choose to become, your not defined by what someone thinks of you, what their opinion is, is not for you to know. What matters is what you want out of this life, if that’s to sit with your head in your hands blaming God knows what as to the reason you have cancer. That’s your choice, and that is what defines you. But I want you to know  that you have the choice everyday to leave that past behind you. The definition of you is in your hands.

You are so much more than you are today. 

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

The day I died. (What I saw)

Tags

achieve, affair, age, animal, attitude, avec, awareness, baby, banned, because, believer, Bellamy, best, birthday, black, blood, bone, BONE MARROW TRANSPLANT, can, cancer, chemotheropy, Christian, Christmas, Christmaseve, Cole, Compassion, courage, cricket, cruise, CS, dad, David, dead, death, Depressed, depression, desire, destiny, diagnosis, did, died, Do, does, Edmonds, encouragement, energy, England, Eve, expect, Experience, facebook, faith, falling, Families, family, floating, foundations, friends, gallery, gift, gifts, given, goals, GOD, Good, Goodness, great, greatness, guilt, Hannah, hansolo, happiness, happy, hard, healing, health, help, Hodgkins, hope, hospital, Jewish, jobs, Johnny, know, last day, Leicester, life, lire, live, lived, Liverpool, London, longevity, Lord'sPrayer, love, loved, Low, machine, marks, marrow, MDU, meal, meaning, memories, memory, Monkey, morph, Morris, motivation, mum, muscle, Muslim, Natalie Cole, Natking, neurology, neutrapeenic, new year, Noel, not, of, oncology, one, one day, onedirection, Paddington, Paris, partner, passion, Peace, people, persevere, precious, Presence, R2D2, raise, real, reality, recover, regret, Rejected, Rejection, relentless, Remember, resolution, rises, Samaritan, SENSATION, Sharing, shortbread, silverback, somebody, southport, Spirituality, square, stage, star, stats, Stemcell, Steve, StevenHawkins, StMichael, stories, strength, struggle, survived, survivor, swopshop, taught, teach, tennis, Thames, thankyou, there, time, today, together, Tohetehr, Tony hart, transplant, Transplanted, travel, tree, true, tvr, twitter, unite, unity, wars, WE, weakness, wealth, wealthy, what, white, who you are, will, win, Wordpress, working, Writing, yang, year, yes, yin, you, yourself

  Today I went to see Roy and Vickie, we talked seamlessly for over 2 hours. It was a really pleasant time, Roy shared with me his cancer story. It was a good time, I was asked the same question as Dave and Anne asked me though. “Do I ever get down” so now I will tell you how I cope with that, how I did cope with that, and hopefully what makes me feel like that. 

It’s hard to know where to start really, because people seem to think I am some kind of infalable  being that just gets on an does it. (Not true) it’s hard for me to talk about being weak, as it’s not in my nature to show that side of me. However the bible talks about when I am weak then he is strong. Don’t get me wrong I am not going to come across all religious on you, but this is how it happened to me. I remember quite distinctly the day that I realised beating cancer was not possible, cancer stories did not exsist then. I know if it had I would most certainly have coped better, I remember watching a movie I think it was called the awakening. Robert de Nero played a part of someone who deteriated badly, I remember how I wept the know the audible crying, feeling like you are out of control. I dropped to my knees that night, I cryed out loud. Please help me if your there, I can’t do this alone. I was not finding it hard fighting cancer, I could no longer do it anymore. It was just a wave of negativity that flooded my being, it would not be the last either. That was just the beginning of digging to the deepest you thought possible,my then having to dig deeper again.
Us humans are stubborn when it comes to losing our lives, or I was anyway. I had found the recipe for the rest of my life, a good wife, a great house. My little sports car, my faith but the one thing that was holding all that together was my health. Even so, no matter how sick I felt I always got up, I remember one day when I did not get up till 5 pm. There being a cold chill in my room, it felt like I was being taken. Dieing, that I was slipping away. I felt like I was being pulled out of a sleeping bag as they tried to take my life. I refused and fought like hell that day, getting up for tea time. I dare not sleep that day and night drinking plenty of fluid, feeling like snakes were in my head. The drugs I was on were pioneering drugs, as I was on a trial for a new drug that I agreed to have put in my body. Eventually over Christmas 2011 I finished my chemo and had the Christmas they said I would not have without the treatment. Apparently I had gotten into remission. No fan fare no party, they were just words that I did not believe. I felt all along it was still there!
I was explaining today how my cancer hid, and although I was supposed to be in remission. I knew the cancer cells were hiding in my bones. I could feel them almost laughing at me. Non of the scans picked it up, as they were rougue cells and scanners only picked up clusters. Everyday I would get up and wonder if today was the day it would show itself. Although I did put faith into practice by buying a Labrador and calling her Faith as that’s what I needed to get into remmission.

  
I remember when it came back again (hard recalling this) coiling up into a ball and  crying my heart out. The consultant had told me I would have to have my bone marrow removed, and have a stem cell transplant. This was to be done in isolation in a tiny room. Excuse my language, but how in the hell could I possibly do that, were they mad! I could see no way. For me it was a step to far, an impossible ask. I ached hopelessly inside, I asked time and time again if there was another option. Non what so ever this was my only hope, no more life for me with out it. It made me shake, I would be physically sick at the thought. 

In everyone of those moments, I made myself read positivity. Quotes from the bible, positive people on Twitter, Google and many other places just positives. Friends, family, everyone was only to speak positively to me. No moaning. When I finally got into the room. That big silverback became a weak hopeless human, put into the hands of medicine. 

The day I became nutrapenic, I felt really strange I left my body and even though I was talking to Andie, I felt like I was actually leaving the planet. I held on tight to Andies hand, I believed it was to early. That what was the point in me being the one who did not make it  surely there was a reason for me having this. As I hovered above myself I remember hearing the words “not yet” I don’t know who said them but it certainly was a comfort to me. The day before that I had been sat by the window shaking violently, imagining myself timing sheets together to escape. The door was always open, I could have left at any time, it was not escape from Alcatraz. That’s what being neutapenic made me feel.

So my friends, all of these things I felt, some I still feel. I know what the guilt feels like, to have made it where others don’t. That’s the only “why me” sentence I have said. Remember this, when you think there is no more to give. There always is, with determination AND FAITH you. “yes you” can do ANYTHING. Don’t give up, because you have friends.

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

Thank you Cancer.

Tags

achieve, affair, age, animal, attitude, avec, awareness, baby, banned, because, believer, Bellamy, best, birthday, black, blood, bone, BONE MARROW TRANSPLANT, can, cancer, chemotheropy, Christian, Christmas, Christmaseve, Cole, Compassion, courage, cricket, cruise, CS, dad, David, dead, death, Depressed, depression, desire, destiny, diagnosis, did, Do, does, Edmonds, encouragement, energy, England, Eve, expect, Experience, facebook, faith, falling, Families, family, floating, foundations, friends, gallery, gift, gifts, given, goals, GOD, Good, Goodness, great, greatness, guilt, Hannah, hansolo, happiness, happy, hard, healing, health, help, Hodgkins, hope, hospital, Jewish, jobs, Johnny, know, last day, Leicester, life, lire, live, lived, Liverpool, London, longevity, Lord'sPrayer, love, loved, Low, machine, marks, marrow, MDU, meal, meaning, memories, memory, Monkey, morph, Morris, motivation, mum, muscle, Muslim, Natalie Cole, Natking, neurology, neutrapeenic, new year, Noel, not, of, oncology, one, one day, onedirection, Paddington, Paris, partner, passion, Peace, people, persevere, precious, Presence, R2D2, raise, real, reality, recover, regret, Rejected, Rejection, relentless, Remember, resolution, rises, Samaritan, SENSATION, Sharing, shortbread, silverback, somebody, southport, Spirituality, square, stage, star, stats, Stemcell, Steve, StevenHawkins, StMichael, stories, strength, struggle, survived, survivor, swopshop, taught, teach, tennis, Thames, thankyou, there, time, today, together, Tohetehr, Tony hart, transplant, Transplanted, travel, tree, true, tvr, twitter, unite, unity, wars, WE, weakness, wealth, wealthy, what, white, who you are, will, win, Wordpress, working, Writing, yang, year, yes, yin, you, yourself

Strange title you think? Really? Well if you think it’s strange you have not seen someone in remission, fight and win or you think cancer has taken loved ones to soon.  You see for me whilst I have fought like hell and won, along the way I have found inspirational people, people that I would not have met had it not been for cancer. Cancer stories has given everyone there the gift of friendship with someone. 

People around the world have been put in touch with each other and are talking to each other about the journey they had, and encouraging another who maybe facing the same journey. A couple of online papers have talked about what we have done, people message me with kindness. Giving encouragement to me to carry on blogging. If I am honest, I am exhausted today, finding it hard to stay awake even. Someone said the other day, cancer is the gift that keeps on giving. I am not sure if that was meant in a negative or positive way. But most certainly our attitude to what we face can help us, or hinder our progress. The daft thing is, by holding our head in our hands does in fact hinder us.

  
It’s only by standing up and choosing to face cancer and all that goes with it, that we find some good in the journey of Hell called cancer. For instance my friends Dave and Anne we would not know had we not been affected by cancer, we would not know those lovely people that are most certainly an asset to our lives most certainly not a hinderance. Anne serves a mean chocolate eclair and not just any eclair either. Only mns in their house.  We have come into contact with many people with great hearts, even gaining a sister along the way. Cancer whilst attempting to take my life has given us gifts, not without looking for the gifts did we find them though. 

The fact of the matter is though that cancer comes with some positivity once we are able to see through the pain that it gave to us, be it death, physical pain, disability, cancer helps us to value what ever we have left, it gives us a new way to look at life. Only being touched by cancer can we see this way of looking at the world. Because without cancer I would not have the sensitivity towards people I have now, and the tanasity to turn away from negativity. Each minute becomes more precious than before and there is no room in it to be wasted around anyone that has an inability to look at the positives that life has to offer.

Enjoy today, it’s a great day.

Fonz 

Things I want to happen in 2016.

Tags

achieve, affair, age, animal, attitude, avec, awareness, baby, banned, because, believer, Bellamy, best, birthday, black, blood, bone, BONE MARROW TRANSPLANT, can, cancer, chemotheropy, Christian, Christmas, Christmaseve, Cole, Compassion, courage, cricket, cruise, CS, dad, David, dead, death, Depressed, depression, desire, destiny, diagnosis, did, Do, does, Edmonds, encouragement, energy, England, Eve, expect, Experience, facebook, faith, falling, Families, family, floating, foundations, friends, gallery, gift, gifts, given, goals, GOD, Good, Goodness, great, greatness, guilt, Hannah, hansolo, happiness, happy, hard, healing, health, help, Hodgkins, hope, hospital, Jewish, jobs, Johnny, know, last day, Leicester, life, lire, live, lived, Liverpool, London, longevity, Lord'sPrayer, love, loved, Low, machine, marks, marrow, MDU, meal, meaning, memories, memory, Monkey, morph, Morris, motivation, mum, muscle, Muslim, Natalie Cole, Natking, neurology, neutrapeenic, new year, Noel, not, of, oncology, one, one day, onedirection, Paddington, Paris, partner, passion, Peace, people, persevere, precious, Presence, R2D2, raise, real, reality, recover, regret, Rejected, Rejection, relentless, Remember, resolution, rises, Samaritan, SENSATION, Sharing, shortbread, silverback, somebody, southport, Spirituality, square, stage, star, stats, Stemcell, Steve, StevenHawkins, StMichael, stories, strength, struggle, survived, survivor, swopshop, taught, teach, tennis, Thames, thankyou, there, time, today, together, Tohetehr, Tony hart, transplant, Transplanted, travel, tree, true, tvr, twitter, unite, unity, wars, WE, weakness, wealth, wealthy, what, white, who you are, will, win, Wordpress, working, Writing, yang, year, yes, yin, you, yourself

Some may have put, things they don’t want to happen this year, but I prefer to have a positive spin on things. There are lots of things I want to happen but I guess the no 1 I need to put last. The opposite to what you would expect in the hope that you read the whole blog 😆.

So in no particular order apart from my no1 which will be last.

• I Want to be a 34 ” waist I keep kidding myself I am a 36″ but all my jeans are stretching, as I have to breath in to put them on.
• To get out in Trevor more this year.
• To write better than ever before.
• To get 200 followers on my WordPress account.
• To help more people in 2016 than I did in 2015.
• To do the jobs I said I would do in 2015 in 2016.
• To pick up my nephew Zac from school just once in Trevor.
• To fulfil an ambition (I will blog about that when it happens)
• To not voice my disappointments, but accept its not my problem to deal with.
• To put my wife before anyone else ALL year. ( I believe I do that every year) nothing wrong with a bit of consistency.
• To complete my 365 day blog challenge. I have completed 249 so far.
• To get 1000 a day average view ( maybe unattainable ) I am not that good yet.
• To encourage more people in their own blogging experience.

Lastly to remain cancer free! 

  
I do not want cancer in my life at all from now on, but it does take effort to eat well and not binge on anything, like sweet things, pop, chocolate, ect. Eating well takes effort and Percy verance . Staying away from processed foods makes a huge difference to. Some processed foods for example –  farmed salmon have canceragenic   Properties. It’s a huge subject and one I want to learn more about this year.

Have you written down some goals for this year? Thanks to all of you that read and share with out you my blogs would be just read by friends and family. Thank you.

Have a great week, see this Monday as a new start and a new opportunity. NOT the Monday feeling of the holiday is over.

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

Tony Heart, gone.

Tags

achieve, affair, age, animal, attitude, avec, awareness, baby, banned, because, believer, Bellamy, best, birthday, black, blood, bone, BONE MARROW TRANSPLANT, can, cancer, chemotheropy, Christian, Christmas, Christmaseve, Cole, Compassion, courage, cricket, cruise, CS, dad, David, dead, death, Depressed, depression, desire, destiny, diagnosis, did, Do, does, Edmonds, encouragement, energy, England, Eve, expect, Experience, facebook, faith, falling, Families, family, floating, foundations, friends, gallery, gift, gifts, given, GOD, Good, Goodness, great, greatness, guilt, Hannah, hansolo, happiness, happy, hard, healing, health, help, Hodgkins, hope, hospital, Jewish, jobs, Johnny, know, last day, Leicester, life, lire, live, lived, Liverpool, London, longevity, Lord'sPrayer, love, loved, Low, machine, marks, marrow, MDU, meal, meaning, memories, memory, Monkey, morph, Morris, motivation, mum, muscle, Muslim, Natalie Cole, Natking, neurology, neutrapeenic, new year, Noel, not, of, oncology, one, one day, onedirection, Paddington, Paris, partner, passion, Peace, people, persevere, precious, Presence, R2D2, raise, real, reality, recover, regret, Rejected, Rejection, relentless, Remember, rises, Samaritan, SENSATION, Sharing, shortbread, silverback, somebody, southport, Spirituality, square, stage, star, stats, Stemcell, Steve, StevenHawkins, StMichael, stories, strength, struggle, survived, survivor, swopshop, taught, teach, tennis, Thames, thankyou, there, time, today, together, Tohetehr, Tony hart, transplant, Transplanted, travel, tree, true, tvr, twitter, unite, unity, wars, WE, weakness, wealth, wealthy, what, white, who you are, will, win, Wordpress, working, Writing, yang, year, yes, yin, you, yourself

How many times did I watch Tony heart, he was one of life’s inspirers. He encouraged children to do works of art, I will never forget what you gave us and me Tony. Wow such a loss.. I will not forget you. This happened in 2009 but I love to remember people. I figure by blogging it’s there forever.

  
A BBC link with the details

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7836112.stm

I love to make small tributes to people’s lives that have affected our now. Now morph did not affect it, but he did and has made me laugh many times I wonder what you remember?

Just some reminders of a great British programme.

RIP Tony Hart

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com 

Rejection.

Tags

achieve, affair, age, animal, attitude, avec, awareness, baby, banned, because, believer, Bellamy, best, birthday, black, blood, bone, BONE MARROW TRANSPLANT, can, cancer, chemotheropy, Christian, Christmas, Christmaseve, Cole, Compassion, courage, cricket, cruise, CS, dad, David, dead, death, Depressed, depression, desire, destiny, diagnosis, did, Do, does, Edmonds, encouragement, energy, England, Eve, expect, Experience, facebook, faith, falling, Families, family, floating, foundations, friends, gift, gifts, given, GOD, Good, Goodness, great, greatness, guilt, Hannah, hansolo, happiness, happy, hard, healing, health, help, Hodgkins, hope, hospital, Jewish, jobs, Johnny, know, last day, Leicester, life, lire, live, lived, Liverpool, London, longevity, Lord'sPrayer, love, loved, Low, machine, marks, marrow, MDU, meal, meaning, memories, memory, Monkey, Morris, motivation, mum, muscle, Muslim, Natalie Cole, Natking, neurology, neutrapeenic, new year, Noel, not, of, oncology, one, one day, onedirection, Paddington, Paris, partner, passion, Peace, people, persevere, precious, Presence, R2D2, raise, real, reality, recover, regret, Rejected, Rejection, relentless, Remember, rises, Samaritan, SENSATION, Sharing, shortbread, silverback, somebody, southport, Spirituality, square, stage, star, stats, Stemcell, Steve, StevenHawkins, StMichael, stories, strength, struggle, survived, survivor, swopshop, taught, teach, tennis, Thames, thankyou, there, time, today, together, Tohetehr, transplant, Transplanted, travel, tree, true, tvr, twitter, unite, unity, wars, WE, weakness, wealth, wealthy, what, white, who you are, will, win, Wordpress, working, Writing, yang, year, yes, yin, you, yourself

Did you know this is a kind of bullying, even a form of abuse. Many people reject someone because of the way they look, maybe because they have some kind of desease. During my cancer journey I have been rejected by so many people that do not understand cancer. We have all felt it in our lives, we know what it’s like to not be liked by the kid on the street, or the work colleague that excludes you. I guess people reject anything or anyone that is not the same as them. 

  
I used to get very scared as a young boy, because when I was bullied I would get into trouble at home as well. Because more often than not I would get my coat stolen or bleed on a new shirt. I without doubt suffered rejection allot in my life, especially by the bullies on the bus. I have chosen to show love to all people and smile at and with people, I have chosen a path where I don’t judge everyone I meet, I choose to love everyone I meet. People want to bury their heads in the sand and pretend it’s not happened or happening. Well sorry for those that want a quiet life and for the truth to be unspoken, or just not speak of it. I have many things I wish to speak about, from now on I will, I won’t keep my thoughts under lock and key anymore. The world will know the truth and that truth shall set me free.

  
I have learned how to love, because I have been shown what true love is, it’s consistency, acceptance, and putting the other person first ALWAYS.

It’s 1 Corinthians 13  
1 Corinthians 13New International Version (NIV) While I hope to be some of 1 Corinthians every day, I do know I am not perfect. But do my best every day.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. 

It’s my wife that has taught me what consistency is, what home is. For the first time in my life as an adult I know what home feels like. The time before that I was 4,5,6 yrs old when we lived in Brighton now it’s in southport. I have lived here for nearly 6 years and even though I have fought off the beast called cancer whilst living here. It still feels like home. That feeling when you put the log fire on and settle down with our dog by my side and my wife with me, along with the cat stretched out in front of the fire. My home is not just a place to live, it’s a place where I feel welcome, loved and wanted by all the people that live here. That’s after all my safe place, a place where we don’t hurt each other, a place where we feel warm secure and needed. No feeling of rejection will anyone feel in our home, because our home is a place of safety. 

Rejection in cancer exsists in everyone’s journey I am finding out, it’s sad that people cut other’s off or alienate them because they are not well . It’s not just people with cancer either, it’s people that are misunderstood. People facing a situation that quite frankly the person who does not understand it does not even bother to find out about it. 

If that’s you and you need support there is a group of people that have had similar experiences called cancer stories  

https://www.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536/

You will be welcomed there, people who have had similar exsperiences and can empathise with you. So know your not alone, it’s common place in cancer but there is love and support out there from people that understand what you are feeling and experience. People there have been where you are and will do what we can for you.

Have a good day

Fonz

 

Stats and wordpress! Because of you….

Tags

achieve, affair, age, animal, attitude, avec, awareness, baby, banned, because, believer, Bellamy, best, birthday, black, blood, bone, BONE MARROW TRANSPLANT, can, cancer, chemotheropy, Christian, Christmas, Christmaseve, Cole, Compassion, courage, cricket, cruise, CS, dad, David, dead, death, Depressed, depression, desire, destiny, diagnosis, did, Do, does, Edmonds, encouragement, energy, England, Eve, expect, Experience, facebook, faith, falling, Families, family, floating, foundations, friends, gift, gifts, given, GOD, Good, Goodness, great, greatness, guilt, Hannah, hansolo, happiness, happy, hard, healing, health, help, Hodgkins, hope, hospital, Jewish, jobs, Johnny, know, last day, Leicester, life, lire, live, lived, Liverpool, London, longevity, Lord'sPrayer, love, loved, Low, machine, marks, marrow, MDU, meal, meaning, memories, memory, Monkey, Morris, motivation, mum, muscle, Muslim, Natalie Cole, Natking, neurology, neutrapeenic, new year, Noel, not, of, oncology, one, one day, onedirection, Paddington, Paris, partner, passion, Peace, people, persevere, precious, Presence, R2D2, raise, real, reality, recover, regret, relentless, Remember, rises, Samaritan, SENSATION, Sharing, shortbread, silverback, somebody, southport, Spirituality, square, stage, star, stats, Stemcell, Steve, StevenHawkins, StMichael, stories, strength, struggle, survived, survivor, swopshop, taught, teach, tennis, Thames, thankyou, there, time, today, together, Tohetehr, transplant, Transplanted, travel, tree, true, tvr, twitter, unite, unity, wars, WE, weakness, wealth, wealthy, what, white, who you are, will, win, Wordpress, working, Writing, yang, year, yes, yin, you, yourself

Wow this week has been amazing! It’s now Saturday my worst day in stats on wordpress is always a Saturday. But yesterday, New Year’s Day. Broke more records than Elton John. I had more likes yesterday than any other day, more followers follow my blog than any other day and my blog had been read by more people than ever before. As you can imagine I was really chuffed, I was chuffed for a couple of reasons. My main reason though was that more people were obviously interested in my writings therefore more people were being encouraged by the hell I had been through. Meaning my consistency in blogging was and is worth it. 

  
 
As you can see from the picture 467 ain’t bad for a new blogger right? Or am I wrong, am I still not doing so good? The feeling is good that I have I mean in the same week there was a day with 967 views I mean that’s nearly a thousand. More than all the pupils that went to my high school! 

  
There are my stats for the week last night. So what’s the point of today’s blog. Well it’s to thank all of you for reading and making New Year’s Day a special day for me in 2016 it’s a great start. So thank you! I was getting dispondent that is until yesterday when I also met another blogger called hugsandblessings she encouraged me and it was then that I realised, you need me like I need you. That you need me to help others read your blog, and I need you for the same reason. I know it’s obvious but it was like a eureka moment. God bless you all. 

Lastly to all of you that are dispondent like I was, seeing my weekly stats dwindle week on week. If you help others by telling others about someone else they will help you out naturally. Have a healthy new year everyone, I am hopefully going to enjoy a cancer free year. Now that’s worth fighting for.

Have a great weekend

Fonz

Natalie Cole Dead.

Tags

achieve, affair, age, animal, attitude, avec, awareness, baby, banned, because, believer, Bellamy, best, birthday, black, blood, bone, BONE MARROW TRANSPLANT, can, cancer, chemotheropy, Christian, Christmas, Christmaseve, Cole, Compassion, courage, cricket, cruise, CS, dad, David, dead, death, Depressed, depression, desire, destiny, diagnosis, did, Do, does, Edmonds, encouragement, energy, England, Eve, expect, Experience, facebook, faith, falling, Families, family, floating, foundations, friends, gift, gifts, given, GOD, Good, Goodness, great, greatness, guilt, Hannah, hansolo, happiness, happy, hard, healing, health, help, Hodgkins, hope, hospital, Jewish, jobs, Johnny, know, last day, Leicester, life, lire, live, lived, Liverpool, London, longevity, Lord'sPrayer, love, loved, Low, machine, marks, marrow, MDU, meal, meaning, memories, memory, Monkey, Morris, motivation, mum, muscle, Muslim, Natalie Cole, Natking, neurology, neutrapeenic, new year, Noel, not, of, oncology, one, one day, onedirection, Paddington, Paris, partner, passion, Peace, people, persevere, precious, Presence, R2D2, raise, real, reality, recover, regret, relentless, Remember, rises, Samaritan, SENSATION, Sharing, shortbread, silverback, somebody, southport, Spirituality, square, stage, star, Stemcell, Steve, StevenHawkins, StMichael, stories, strength, struggle, survived, survivor, swopshop, taught, teach, tennis, Thames, thankyou, there, time, today, together, Tohetehr, transplant, Transplanted, travel, tree, true, tvr, twitter, unite, unity, wars, WE, weakness, wealth, wealthy, what, white, who you are, will, win, working, Writing, yang, year, yes, yin, you, yourself

It so sad that this has to happen to each and everyone of us, Natalie Cole dieing. Whilst sad, exstemly sad. She has without doubt left behind a legacy encouraged by her dad, Nat King Cole. 

So now it’s time for us to miss you like crazy Natalie. Thanks so much for the legacy you have left, you will never be forgotten.

This lady was part of my childhood, and of so many more around the world. No amount of money can stop the enevitable, it just makes me so much more than ever before want to make a differance in the short life that I have.

Natalie you are truly unforgettable.

  
65 is no age at all, way to young. 

Make the most of your life

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

What’s holding you back.

Tags

achieve, affair, age, animal, attitude, avec, awareness, baby, banned, because, believer, Bellamy, best, birthday, black, blood, bone, BONE MARROW TRANSPLANT, can, cancer, chemotheropy, Christian, Christmas, Christmaseve, Compassion, courage, cricket, cruise, CS, dad, David, dead, death, Depressed, depression, desire, destiny, diagnosis, did, Do, does, Edmonds, encouragement, energy, England, Eve, expect, Experience, facebook, faith, falling, Families, family, floating, foundations, friends, gift, gifts, given, GOD, Good, Goodness, great, greatness, guilt, Hannah, hansolo, happiness, happy, hard, healing, health, help, Hodgkins, hope, hospital, Jewish, jobs, Johnny, know, last day, Leicester, life, lire, live, lived, Liverpool, London, longevity, Lord'sPrayer, love, loved, Low, machine, marks, marrow, MDU, meal, meaning, memories, memory, Monkey, Morris, motivation, mum, muscle, Muslim, neurology, neutrapeenic, new year, Noel, not, of, oncology, one, one day, onedirection, Paddington, Paris, partner, passion, Peace, people, persevere, precious, Presence, R2D2, raise, real, reality, recover, regret, relentless, Remember, rises, Samaritan, SENSATION, Sharing, shortbread, silverback, somebody, southport, Spirituality, square, stage, star, Stemcell, Steve, StevenHawkins, StMichael, stories, strength, struggle, survived, survivor, swopshop, taught, teach, tennis, Thames, thankyou, there, time, today, together, Tohetehr, transplant, Transplanted, travel, tree, true, tvr, twitter, unite, unity, wars, WE, weakness, wealth, wealthy, what, white, who you are, will, win, working, Writing, yang, year, yes, yin, you, yourself

Who has the right to stop you from being who you are, no one. I myself pride myself on being the person that says yes to my wife, the person that encourages her to achieve her goals. That’s why she drives the car she does, that’s why she has the opportunities she does. I have no right to stop her being who she is, no one has the right to stop you either. I read a blog today, in the blog she spoke about. If you want a burger have it, I agree. We only get one chance at this life so be who you are, don’t dress yourself up with all the pretentious shite people seem to want to do these days. I refuse to be in a place where there are people, that expect of me in a certain way. 

What of that? Does that make me selfish, or does that make me an individual. So many people follow each other’s example, mimicking them almost. Why is it then that a Billionaire wants to have something no one in the world has. Well I think it’s because they can afford to. I want to be the person I am from now on, why? Because I have fought for these days and there is nowhere, no place for people to attempt, to Mold me into something I am not. In this life and in this year. Are you going to follow the masses, or are you going to be the person you want to be. 
You see by “fitting in” some people call it, you are effectively pleasing those around you and not yourself. My wife is an individual, I don’t own her I am not her boss. But what I am is someone who encourages her to be the person she feels comfortable with. 

  
The only change you need to make in 2016 is to be TRUE to yourself. Those that want me to fit in are in for a shock because it’s not what I will be doing with my life from now on.  I will be being myself and I will be unconcerned what others opinions are. At the same time being interested to hear what someone’s thoughts on a subject are. Cancer has gone, I am here.

So happy new year, and let’s see the true you.

Enjoy being yourself

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

Remember this.

Tags

achieve, affair, age, animal, attitude, avec, awareness, baby, banned, because, believer, Bellamy, best, birthday, black, blood, bone, BONE MARROW TRANSPLANT, can, cancer, chemotheropy, Christian, Christmas, Christmaseve, Compassion, courage, cricket, cruise, CS, dad, David, dead, death, Depressed, depression, desire, destiny, diagnosis, did, Do, does, Edmonds, encouragement, energy, England, Eve, expect, Experience, facebook, faith, falling, Families, family, floating, foundations, friends, gift, gifts, given, GOD, Good, Goodness, great, greatness, guilt, Hannah, hansolo, happiness, happy, hard, healing, health, help, Hodgkins, hope, hospital, Jewish, jobs, Johnny, know, last day, Leicester, life, lire, live, lived, Liverpool, London, longevity, Lord'sPrayer, love, loved, Low, machine, marks, marrow, MDU, meal, meaning, memories, memory, Monkey, Morris, motivation, mum, muscle, Muslim, neurology, neutrapeenic, new year, Noel, not, of, oncology, one, one day, onedirection, Paddington, Paris, partner, passion, Peace, people, persevere, precious, Presence, R2D2, raise, real, reality, recover, regret, relentless, Remember, rises, Samaritan, SENSATION, Sharing, shortbread, silverback, somebody, southport, Spirituality, square, stage, star, Stemcell, Steve, StevenHawkins, StMichael, stories, strength, struggle, survived, survivor, swopshop, taught, teach, tennis, Thames, thankyou, there, time, today, together, Tohetehr, transplant, Transplanted, travel, tree, true, tvr, twitter, unite, unity, wars, WE, weakness, wealth, wealthy, what, white, will, win, working, Writing, yang, year, yes, yin, you, yourself

One day, you know a day that we are living as if it’s our last. One  day at least we will be right. 

Oh how I want to be so wrong every day.

Happy new year

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

2015 review.

Tags

achieve, affair, age, animal, attitude, avec, awareness, baby, banned, because, believer, Bellamy, best, birthday, black, blood, bone, BONE MARROW TRANSPLANT, can, cancer, chemotheropy, Christian, Christmas, Christmaseve, Compassion, courage, cricket, cruise, CS, dad, David, dead, death, Depressed, depression, desire, destiny, diagnosis, did, Do, does, Edmonds, encouragement, energy, England, Eve, expect, Experience, facebook, faith, falling, Families, family, floating, foundations, friends, gift, gifts, given, GOD, Good, Goodness, great, greatness, guilt, Hannah, hansolo, happiness, happy, hard, healing, health, help, Hodgkins, hope, hospital, Jewish, jobs, Johnny, know, Leicester, life, lire, live, lived, Liverpool, London, longevity, Lord'sPrayer, love, loved, Low, machine, marks, marrow, MDU, meal, meaning, memories, memory, Monkey, Morris, motivation, mum, muscle, Muslim, neurology, neutrapeenic, new year, Noel, not, of, oncology, one, onedirection, Paddington, Paris, partner, passion, Peace, people, persevere, precious, Presence, R2D2, raise, real, reality, recover, regret, relentless, Remember, rises, Samaritan, SENSATION, Sharing, shortbread, silverback, somebody, southport, Spirituality, square, stage, star, Stemcell, Steve, StevenHawkins, StMichael, stories, strength, struggle, survived, survivor, swopshop, taught, teach, tennis, Thames, thankyou, there, time, today, together, Tohetehr, transplant, Transplanted, travel, tree, true, tvr, twitter, unite, unity, wars, WE, weakness, wealth, wealthy, what, white, will, win, working, Writing, yang, year, yes, yin, you, yourself

2015 review, wow where do I start. Well I guess that would be 1st January 2015 but that’s not where the year began for me I began on the lads holiday 2014. When I felt a lump in my neck and knew I had to mention it to my consultant on my appointment 2 days after landing back in the uk. That led to an operation then ICE chemotherapy each cycle done over a 3 day period, in Feb, March and April then Beam chemo in isolation for 6 days and nights in May. completing 30 full days of chemotherapy in 5 years. 
   

 Just to explain a little what it took for the transplant, for those who know nothing of what’s required. Stem cell harvest wes allot of fun having a canular in one arm and a 1.5 mm needle in the other whilst they took my blood out harvested it in a machine, then put it back in my body. The whole process lasts about 5 hours repeated on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday until I had 4 million cells were collected. 

  
I remember on one particular day, a gentleman sat opposite, he has a hicc an line in so the needle was not required. You can’t move at all for the 5 hours, and watching his son eat a Burger King did make me salavate some what and get food envy. 

The transplant itself lasted 3 weeks laid in a bed in a room 15 ft X 12 ft. With only a tv and an I pad for company. The nurses who I can’t name made the Experience more bearable, I can’t name the staff at the Royal Liverpool but they are an amazing team as are the team in the MDU at southport. Without a doubt our local GP Dr Hindle played a huge part in saving my life.
 It was also the start of the first complete year for the group made possible by its 210 members. A group that not only has helped people along the way. It has helped people to help themselves to save their own lives. Needing the very people I had set out to help whilst on a new cancer journey again. You see I was in remission when I set up cancer stories, and although I felt I was not in remission, I hoped it would not return. It did.
Whilst the group has encouraged many, it has also seen much sadness spare a moment as we think of those that have left us.
Noel Smalley

Rita Hodgeon

Becca Parkes

James D peace
There are others that have passed but I am not permitted to speak of them in public.
Sadly missed but not forgotten

  
It was a year where I strove to get on my lads holiday in Turkey, seeing it as my goal to achieve. I lasted 2 days and came home to find that 24 hours later the hotel was swamped by water. Not a place for someone 100 days out of bone marrow transplant. My friends made the best of what they had, 8 days later going to Mexico with my wife, where we would meet friends for life and enjoy some of the best weather they had seen at that time of year. 

  
Mexico was to end up being our true celebration, not only to have an end to all that treatment, but to finally be declared cancer free once more. The word cured was even used. We celebrated our anniversary 5 years married to my amazing wife, who has been by my side all the way through all my cancer Experience, I can’t bring 2015 to an end with out mentioning someone else. Rachel Brown for allowing Andie to have her time by my side in hospital whilst having my bone marrow transplant. 

  
Finally knowing I have another day each morning is an amazing feeling and as a consequence I never want to waste a moment of it unhappy.  We also celebrated Andie turning 40, and hope to make a special announcement soon regarding Andies Carrea.

  
Outside of my personal experiences and support from family and friends. I want to say thank you to all those at cancer stories there are to many to list, but you all know who you are that reach out to other people sharing your journeys with others encouraging and enthusing people to get themselves into remission. Thank God for hospitals and people that dedicate their lives so we may have life, that we may continue to breath and encourage other people where they are at.
Wasn’t it amazing that 15 people that had never met were able to enjoy a meal together, almost being kicked out after 4 hrs 45 mins of constant chat without a break. A complete privilege. Bless you each and every one. 

  
I have hope in my heart and faith that many of you will improve in 2016, I hope with a hopeful heart that you will know words like remission and cure in between the scans and sunshine, rainy and cloudy days.
Thank you to all of you that have supported us, well it’s time to look forwards now. To buy gym memberships that we will use twice, give up fatty foods for a 2 day diet before we get over our guilt trips and live normally again. Start walking to the shops, until we remember having a car was easier.
Have a great 2016 and all the best
Fonz

One direction.

Tags

achieve, affair, age, animal, attitude, avec, awareness, baby, banned, because, believer, Bellamy, best, birthday, black, blood, bone, can, cancer, Christian, Christmas, Christmaseve, Compassion, courage, cricket, cruise, CS, dad, David, dead, death, Depressed, depression, desire, destiny, diagnosis, did, Do, does, Edmonds, encouragement, energy, England, Eve, expect, Experience, facebook, faith, falling, Families, family, floating, foundations, friends, gift, gifts, given, GOD, Good, Goodness, great, greatness, guilt, Hannah, hansolo, happiness, hard, healing, health, help, Hodgkins, hope, hospital, Jewish, jobs, Johnny, know, Leicester, life, lire, live, lived, Liverpool, London, longevity, Lord'sPrayer, love, loved, Low, machine, marks, marrow, MDU, meal, meaning, memories, memory, Monkey, Morris, motivation, mum, muscle, Muslim, neurology, neutrapeenic, Noel, not, of, oncology, one, onedirection, Paddington, Paris, partner, passion, Peace, people, persevere, precious, Presence, R2D2, raise, real, reality, recover, regret, relentless, Remember, rises, Samaritan, SENSATION, Sharing, shortbread, silverback, somebody, southport, Spirituality, square, stage, star, Stemcell, Steve, StevenHawkins, StMichael, stories, strength, struggle, survived, survivor, swopshop, taught, teach, tennis, Thames, thankyou, there, time, today, together, Tohetehr, transplant, Transplanted, travel, tree, true, tvr, twitter, unite, unity, wars, WE, weakness, wealth, wealthy, what, white, will, win, working, Writing, yang, year, yes, yin, you, yourself

One of the reasons I was able to overcome cancer, was that me and my wife and the friends and family on the journey with us were all pulling together. How I like to explain it is like this.

When ever me and Andie have a problem that needs solving, we talk about it together and work out a strategy together. I see the problem as a block of concrete so big that it cannot be moved by just one person. Both of us need to be pulling the block for it to move. But not only do we have to move it together, we have to both be pulling in the same direction. It’s no good if the idea is split in 2 and 2 people are pulling different ways. Nothing ever gets achieved that way, me and Andie have achieved so much this past year. Tomorrows blog will be thinking about all the things we have achieved together because we are both pulling in one direction.

  
Andie had an opportunity to be promoted from the role she is in over 12 months ago, it would have been wrong at that time in our lives facing beating cancer again. You see cancer tried to fight me, to bring me down to put me under, defeat me and affect our life in a negative way. Two people like us will never allow a situation to ultimately affect us in a negative way because we choose to work together to make the best of what we DO have. We don’t focus on what we cannot change like people’s actions towards us. The responses of people to us are just something we cannot change, what people chose or choose to do on any day in particular we cannot do anything about. It’s ultimately our response to it that matters, people can say and do hurtful things. It could be deemed bullying or even rejection, we choose together to work together to make the best of everything. Even removing yourself from a negative situation that can’t be changed can help with getting to the destination. 

  
Our new destination for the next phase in our lives we can’t tell you at the moment, but I can tell you that we will be touching more people’s lives than ever before in 2016. There will always be people there to try and take the shine off of what your aiming to do, I get shocked as to where the people come from that try to bring you down with their own limitations which some regard as negativity. You see this is the truth of life. The only person that stops your dream, or restricts it is the very mind that dreams the dream. The problem with big dreams, is the fact that with it brings more possibility for failure. I prefer to dream big and then break that down into successful days, weeks, months, and years. 

You are in control of the direction you choose, our direction is by supporting each other in making our dreams come true. I hope your enjoying your next to last day in 2015.

I hope you had a successful 2015. I also hope you enjoy planning your 2016.

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

How to do GREAT work. (Steve jobs)

Tags

achieve, affair, age, animal, attitude, avec, awareness, baby, banned, because, believer, Bellamy, best, birthday, black, blood, bone, can, cancer, Christian, Christmas, Christmaseve, Compassion, courage, cricket, cruise, CS, dad, David, dead, death, Depressed, depression, desire, destiny, diagnosis, did, Do, does, Edmonds, encouragement, energy, England, Eve, expect, Experience, facebook, faith, falling, Families, family, floating, foundations, friends, gift, gifts, given, GOD, Good, Goodness, great, greatness, guilt, Hannah, hansolo, happiness, hard, healing, health, help, Hodgkins, hope, hospital, Jewish, jobs, Johnny, know, Leicester, life, lire, live, lived, Liverpool, London, longevity, Lord'sPrayer, love, loved, Low, machine, marks, marrow, MDU, meal, meaning, memories, memory, Monkey, Morris, motivation, mum, muscle, Muslim, neurology, neutrapeenic, Noel, not, of, oncology, one, Paddington, Paris, partner, passion, Peace, people, persevere, precious, Presence, R2D2, raise, real, reality, recover, regret, relentless, Remember, rises, Samaritan, SENSATION, Sharing, shortbread, silverback, somebody, southport, Spirituality, square, stage, star, Stemcell, Steve, StevenHawkins, StMichael, stories, strength, struggle, survived, survivor, swopshop, taught, teach, tennis, Thames, thankyou, there, time, today, together, transplant, Transplanted, travel, tree, true, tvr, twitter, unite, unity, wars, weakness, wealth, wealthy, what, white, will, win, working, Writing, yang, year, yes, yin, you, yourself

  http://youtu.be/UF8uR6Z6KLc

Please watch this video.

The only way to do great work is to love what you do. I have a personal addiction, that is to people that are at the top of their game, people that have become the best that’s possible in that field. People that have used a lifetime, becoming the best at what they do. The only have one thing in common, all these people love what they do. They have not seen it as a chore to work, they have seen it as a way of life. Enjoying what they do everyday that some people call work, I am at a cross roads myself. I know what I love to do, I know that I am good at it and hope to pursue it to be the best I can be at it.

I adore encouraging people, I love to give people hope. It’s a passion of mine, I have and do not seek to make a living from it. I just want to make a difference in people’s lives, to help them to see the best in themselves.
I am fascinated by people like Steve jobs, Bill gates, Peter Jones, Duncan Balyntyne, Lewis  Hamilton, Guy Martin, to name a few people that inspire me. People that love what they do, people that are passionate about what they do. It was then that I realised something else that they had in common. All of them wanted or want other people to be successful, all of them encourage other people to become the best they can be. Whilst being at the top of their game, they have other people working with them that are also at the top of their game to.  I have allot of friends who are at the top of what they do, I am married to one of them. Two people who have been the most influential people on the planet I think are Steve jobs and Bill Gates. These people have made a fortune by helping people to have tec in their hands that can make them money. Something I am using right now. My IPad. Mine is the latest with the biggest memory. That’s thanks to the late Steve Job, also influenced by Bill gates. They both shared similar ethics. Building their company’s on Software, by giving us (the public) the capability of making software by providing us with the tools to make software. In turn helping people to make money at home by making things such as Apps.

I myself have chosen to write a blog a day for a year in the hope of reaching people experiencing cancer treatment, or the effects of cancer. To encourage them that they can win their battle also. I have not found it a chore writing my blogs, because it’s something that I love doing, now whilst I know I am not at the top of my game like Steve jobs was. I do know I am making a difference largely because of his vision to help people to help themselves with the tool for the job. ( no pun intended)

  
We all have an opportunity, it’s called Life. Are you wasting yours or using yours. That’s the key isn’t it, to use what you have (life) and use it to help others whilst not forgetting that family is THE most important in your life. At the beginning of my blogging journey, I did not really care about my spelling. But now I am starting to care a bit more, to do my best to be the best I can be. I don’t call mistakes failure, I call then lessons and a chance to learn.

I really hope this blog has encouraged you today, if nothing else to not settle until you find what you love to do, in turn doing great work because you love it. If I could only shake the hand of the man that has inspired me to inspire you. If indeed you are inspired.

Have a great day.

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

My mum saved my life.

Tags

achieve, affair, age, animal, attitude, avec, awareness, baby, banned, because, believer, Bellamy, best, birthday, black, blood, bone, can, cancer, Christian, Christmas, Christmaseve, Compassion, courage, cricket, cruise, CS, dad, David, dead, death, Depressed, depression, desire, destiny, diagnosis, did, Do, does, Edmonds, encouragement, energy, England, Eve, expect, Experience, facebook, faith, falling, Families, family, floating, foundations, friends, gift, gifts, given, GOD, Good, Goodness, greatness, guilt, Hannah, hansolo, happiness, hard, healing, health, help, Hodgkins, hope, hospital, Jewish, jobs, Johnny, know, Leicester, life, lire, live, lived, Liverpool, London, longevity, Lord'sPrayer, love, loved, Low, machine, marks, marrow, MDU, meal, meaning, memories, memory, Monkey, Morris, motivation, mum, muscle, Muslim, neurology, neutrapeenic, Noel, not, of, oncology, one, Paddington, Paris, partner, passion, Peace, people, persevere, precious, Presence, R2D2, raise, real, reality, recover, regret, relentless, Remember, rises, Samaritan, SENSATION, Sharing, shortbread, silverback, somebody, southport, Spirituality, square, stage, star, Stemcell, Steve, StevenHawkins, StMichael, stories, strength, struggle, survived, survivor, swopshop, taught, teach, tennis, Thames, thankyou, there, time, today, together, transplant, Transplanted, travel, tree, true, tvr, twitter, unite, unity, wars, weakness, wealth, wealthy, what, white, will, win, Writing, yang, year, yes, yin, you, yourself

Seems a strange thing to say doesn’t it, thank you cancer, but cancer has given me so much. It came into my life twice and tried to end my life twice. It picked the wrong man, my attitude was always that I would win. Never once did I imagine I would lose. I am fortunate though, if it was not for my mum I would for sure be dead.  Had she never told me I should get my lump checked out. See I just thought it was a swollen gland, never even once did I think a lump could possibly kill me! Well it didn’t it came and never realised just how hard it would be to get the better of me. I managed to get the better of it, not without the help of my family and friends.

  
My blog today Monday 28th December had the best day ever, even surpassing the blog  ” The Night I fell in love with Rita’s mum ” now it’s the blog about Steve Job that has now had the most hits, having more hits than the whole of last week in one day. Cancer has given me so many gifts, it has given me a new found wonder in the planet, I get pleasure from small things, our cat laid in front of the fire melts my heart. Children playing fills me with joy, I built a bike up for my friends son today. Seeing his beaming face was priceless. Everything on the planet is more valuable, family time is precious any time with my wife I adore and will not have it ruined. 

Birds singing a chorus, fish, laughter. My friend said the other day “Small things can make me tear up” it’s the same for me also. Cancer has given me friends I would not have had, it’s given me the group Cancer stories. It’s given me a desire to have love in the home that I live in. More than ever I did. My dog enjoying a run, so many things I appreciate more because I HAD cancer. For that I have to thank my mum, because without her I would be dead. Thank you Mum.

Try and find your positive in your situation, because if you look they WILL be there.

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

Star Wars

Tags

achieve, affair, age, animal, attitude, avec, awareness, baby, banned, because, believer, Bellamy, best, birthday, black, blood, bone, can, cancer, Christian, Christmas, Christmaseve, Compassion, courage, cricket, cruise, CS, dad, David, death, Depressed, depression, desire, destiny, diagnosis, did, Do, does, Edmonds, encouragement, energy, England, Eve, expect, Experience, facebook, faith, Falcon, falling, Families, family, floating, foundations, friends, gift, gifts, given, GOD, Good, Goodness, greatness, guilt, Hannah, hansolo, happiness, hard, healing, health, help, Hodgkins, hope, hospital, Jewish, Johnny, know, Leicester, life, lire, live, lived, Liverpool, London, longevity, Lord'sPrayer, love, loved, Low, machine, marks, marrow, MDU, meal, meaning, memories, memory, millenium, Monkey, Morris, motivation, muscle, Muslim, neurology, neutrapeenic, Noel, not, of, oncology, one, Paddington, Paris, partner, passion, Peace, people, persevere, precious, Presence, R2D2, raise, real, reality, recover, regret, relentless, Remember, rises, Samaritan, SENSATION, Sharing, shortbread, silverback, somebody, southport, Spirituality, square, stage, star, Stemcell, StevenHawkins, StMichael, stories, strength, struggle, survived, survivor, swopshop, taught, teach, tennis, Thames, thankyou, there, time, today, together, transplant, Transplanted, travel, tree, true, tvr, twitter, unite, unity, wars, weakness, what, white, will, win, Writing, yang, year, yes, yin, you, yourself

We all have families, some are real loving ones. Some are distant in miles, some are wealthy. I am wealthy in family, because I have a loving wife who loves me dearly and knows me well. I was bought a Star Wars top this year by a family member, one that did not know me or it would never have been considered. It got me thinking though, how can someone that should know me so well get it so wrong. Maybe the time they had with me they never listened to what I liked, maybe they just bought it for me because I should like it. Or maybe it was a pound…..
Well my wife absolutely loves Star Wars, so it was not wasted, I am sure my wife will love wearing it with the picture of the millemem falcon on the front. It’s a man size so she will proberbly wear it as a nighty.. You know I have even watched the latest movie of Star Wars, we went to Liverpool to watch it at the gallery. You see it’s something my wife adores and I would do anything for my wife, and would take her anywhere. When we were sat in the cinema she said these words to me. “The last time I was with someone watching starwars at the cinema, I was with my dad” no previous partner had gone with her to see it because they did not like starwars. Her dad is no longer with us, he died at 59.. Such a short life, cancer took him, he had it in his stomach, maybe it had been there for 20 years. I don’t know if her dad loved starwars, but what I do know is that he went with her. 

  
Taking an interest in what someone loves is priceless, irreplaceable, because taking an interest in something another is interested in is an exsperience. Some people have blinkers on and only tune into their own interests because that’s all that matters to them. Some people don’t like football (like me) but again my wife loves it so I watch it and have banter with her because she loves it. She knows what I am passionate about, and she takes an interest in that also. For us our life is made richer because we learn about each other, I know about her dad and her grandparents, what they liked and disliked where they lived and what part they played in the war. Why because I want to keep the memories of those we lost alive.
I know that my dads love for football came from cricket, from a cricketer who used to also play for Arsenal. “Dennis Compton” his grandson plays for England to this day. How do I know that? Because my wife asked my dad. We then bought him a book on the man he respected, because we knew it would not be a waste of money. I don’t really like cricket either but I bet if you asked my dad he would think I did.. I have even been to meet Ian Botham, because I love people that have managed to be the best they can possibly be. I grew up with cricket and tennis in our house neither of which I love. Although Andy Murray is a pleasure to watch. I do however watch both, because if I try hard enough happy memories of being a boy come back doing the things my mum and dad loved. Playing cricket on the field with my day, and watching tennis with my mum whilst the sausages burnt, on a 14″ black and white tele.
I can’t stand Star Wars, but I love my wife. I know my wife does not wear nail varnish so I don’t buy it her it, my wife is exstemly beautiful and does not need to cake make up on, so I don’t buy it her. Next time I meet with the family we will play a little game. I hope you having a great Christmas break, and don’t forget to get to know the people you love.

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

Your not alone…

Tags

achieve, affair, age, animal, attitude, avec, awareness, baby, banned, because, believer, Bellamy, best, birthday, black, blood, bone, can, cancer, Christian, Christmas, Christmaseve, Compassion, courage, cruise, CS, dad, David, death, Depressed, depression, desire, destiny, diagnosis, did, Do, does, Edmonds, encouragement, energy, Eve, expect, Experience, facebook, faith, falling, Families, family, floating, foundations, friends, gift, gifts, given, GOD, Good, Goodness, greatness, guilt, Hannah, hansolo, happiness, hard, healing, health, help, Hodgkins, hope, hospital, Jewish, Johnny, know, Leicester, life, lire, live, lived, Liverpool, London, longevity, Lord'sPrayer, love, loved, Low, machine, marks, marrow, MDU, meal, meaning, memories, memory, Monkey, Morris, motivation, muscle, Muslim, neurology, neutrapeenic, Noel, not, of, oncology, one, Paddington, Paris, partner, passion, Peace, people, persevere, precious, Presence, R2D2, raise, real, reality, recover, regret, relentless, Remember, rises, Samaritan, SENSATION, Sharing, shortbread, silverback, somebody, southport, Spirituality, square, stage, star, Stemcell, StevenHawkins, StMichael, stories, strength, struggle, survived, survivor, swopshop, taught, teach, Thames, thankyou, there, time, today, together, transplant, Transplanted, travel, tree, true, tvr, twitter, unite, unity, wars, weakness, what, white, will, win, Writing, yang, year, yes, yin, you, yourself

This Christmas for me is a huge milestone, but I think friends even family (some) have forgotten the previous battles. What it took to win this war. Maybe it’s easier for them to forget, for me what was is always in my now. The effects of what was is in my now. I am real emotional this Christmas, I keep having moments. Now I am not saying this for sympathy, just so that others will know that it’s normal that what I feel is documented. I hope that some day a person will get comfort from reading this blog, even just knowing that your not alone.

People do forget when it’s not happened to them, it’s better for them if you just don’t mention it or even communicate about it. The fact is though that the horror of what I have been through is all still so very real in my present. It’s like a reoccurring nightmare and all I want is to forget for a while. When I am around people I forget, people are like the tonic I need to get through. I want you to know, what I remember is in the form of flash backs. It’s not that I recall anything on purpose, really it’s not a journey that anyone would want to recall on purpose. 

  
All I want and need in my life is health and happiness, there are some people on the planet that naturally love us. There is not effort in that love, because it’s natrual. It’s is a love born out of accepting the other person and not wanting them to change. It has been said, if you are with people that are comfortable with the real you, you are with people that love you. I have friends like that, one is my brother and sister in law. I have some friends like that to, people that are in your lives that accept you are the ones you should treasure. They are rare, people that ask about you, not tell you about them. 

You are not alone in how you feel, when you have had a trauma in your life like cancer. We can’t exspect everyone to understand, only those in the cancer club truly understand what you have faced. Only people in the cancer club will truly be honest with you, because they know how it feels to have someone by your side that you can tell how you truly feel. We also know how it feels when someone does not let you know how they feel because they think your situation is worse. We don’t stop caring because we are ill, we still want there to be normality. But there is very little normality in cancer, the cancer club is a club of honest, real, genuine people. Once u accept that not everyone will understand what you are going through, you find having cancer is easier.

Have a great day,

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

Time

Tags

achieve, affair, age, animal, attitude, avec, awareness, baby, banned, because, believer, Bellamy, best, birthday, black, blood, bone, can, cancer, Christian, Christmas, Christmaseve, Compassion, courage, cruise, CS, dad, David, death, Depressed, depression, desire, destiny, diagnosis, did, Do, does, Edmonds, encouragement, energy, Eve, expect, Experience, facebook, faith, falling, Families, family, floating, foundations, friends, gift, gifts, given, GOD, Good, Goodness, greatness, guilt, Hannah, hansolo, happiness, hard, healing, health, help, Hodgkins, hope, hospital, Jewish, Johnny, know, Leicester, life, lire, live, lived, Liverpool, London, longevity, Lord'sPrayer, love, loved, Low, machine, marks, marrow, MDU, meal, meaning, memories, memory, Monkey, Morris, motivation, muscle, Muslim, neurology, neutrapeenic, Noel, not, of, oncology, one, Paddington, Paris, partner, passion, Peace, people, persevere, precious, Presence, R2D2, raise, real, reality, recover, regret, relentless, Remember, rises, Samaritan, SENSATION, Sharing, shortbread, silverback, somebody, southport, Spirituality, square, stage, star, Stemcell, StevenHawkins, StMichael, stories, strength, struggle, survived, survivor, swopshop, taught, teach, Thames, thankyou, there, time, today, together, transplant, Transplanted, travel, tree, true, tvr, twitter, unite, unity, wars, weakness, what, white, will, win, Writing, yang, year, yes, yin, you

The one thing that we give that’s impossible to get back, once it’s given its gone forever. I just don’t think people understand how precious time is. It’s something we all have, we have been given a certain amount of time some call it life. An amount of breaths allocated to us that all linked together equals life. You do it without even thinking, yet it’s the most important thing that we do.without even a second though. When you finally realise that the time you have, the days you have and the people you do it with are only here for a certain amount of time.

  
See I have started to adopt this thought pattern, if someone is in my life and makes it worse. I remove them, I make sure I don’t communicate with them because their choices make me unhappy. That’s a big step for me, because in previous years I would have tried to change them, or even change for them. I have learned through cancer that I am actually a really good human, a kind genuine human that does his best to help others and to make the moments I am involved in their life fun and even hope I may put a smile on someone’s face. I believe that the life I have is being used, in part. To enrich another’s world, can we ask anymore from a person? Is not doing our best, a gift to another human. Is not putting the needs of another before our own sacrificial.

It’s Christmas Day today and I hope you have a fabulous day with the people you love, your time is precious as are you. Be kind to each other love each other to the best of your ability. We only get one chance at this thing called life, me and Andrea are the only ones not seeing my parents tomorrow. A result of being childless. They will get a great breakfast on Boxing Day morning though… I already have some quality sausages to cook for them. Make sure you give the best you can of you today. It’s a nice soothing feeling to think that we don’t have to deal with having cancer in our lives this year, and hope our guests have a fabulous day with us. Talking about that, maybe I should get on with making some of tomorrow… 

Have a great day and a very happy Christmas to you

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

Your road to recovery.

Tags

achieve, affair, age, animal, attitude, avec, awareness, baby, banned, because, believer, Bellamy, best, birthday, black, blood, bone, can, cancer, Christian, Christmas, Christmaseve, Compassion, courage, cruise, CS, dad, David, death, Depressed, depression, desire, destiny, diagnosis, did, Do, does, Edmonds, encouragement, energy, Eve, expect, Experience, facebook, faith, falling, Families, family, floating, foundations, friends, gift, gifts, given, GOD, Good, Goodness, greatness, guilt, Hannah, hansolo, happiness, hard, healing, health, help, Hodgkins, hope, hospital, Jewish, Johnny, know, Leicester, life, lire, live, lived, Liverpool, London, longevity, Lord'sPrayer, love, loved, Low, machine, marks, marrow, MDU, meal, meaning, memories, memory, Monkey, Morris, motivation, muscle, Muslim, neurology, neutrapeenic, Noel, not, of, oncology, one, Paddington, Paris, partner, passion, Peace, people, persevere, Presence, R2D2, raise, real, reality, recover, regret, relentless, Remember, rises, Samaritan, SENSATION, Sharing, shortbread, silverback, somebody, southport, Spirituality, square, stage, star, Stemcell, StevenHawkins, StMichael, stories, strength, struggle, survived, survivor, swopshop, taught, teach, Thames, thankyou, there, time, today, together, transplant, Transplanted, travel, tree, true, tvr, twitter, unite, unity, wars, weakness, what, white, will, win, Writing, yang, year, yes, yin, you

  Well, for me it’s not been the same as everybody else’s.  But what’s everybody’s else’s like, is their recovery different to mine. Yes I think so, although there are similarities. The trick is though I think, to not let other people think they are not doing as well as them, but to encourage them where they are at. No ones journey in recovery is the same as the next persons, everyone recovers at a different rate. I personally dislike it when I hear things like. “Well you will be ok” what evidence do they have to be able to say that. Will I? Wow thanks Doc… 

You see what ever you feel, what ever stage you are at in YOUR recovery, I want you to know that’s ok. You don’t have to be or get to a certain place at any specific time. It’s different for everyone, you see just because someone says it was like that for them does not mean your body will recover the same, or at the same rate. You may recover quickly, where someone else gets pains in places you never did or do. You are you, and I want you to know that you should not give yourself a hard time for your body not responding how someone else’s does.

Perspective-so a car can have a very small engine which means it’s really fuel efficient but can’t go fast, another can have a really big engine and can go really fast but is no good at fuel economy. You are who you are, accept yourself for who you are not what someone expects of you. Concentrate on healing how you heal, it may not be cancer. It maybe something completely different, but you are you. Whilst what I say is true, remember this also. That you can’t make a dream come true if you don’t dream a little.

  
So this Christmas Eve for me is special. Not for any other reason than I am alive, I am here to write to you that you can read what is written here. Because this time last year I was being operated on at 10.30 am and was supported by my wife to get me to this Christmas Eve. It’s here today, I am not on an operating table today though. I am thankful to be where I am today, I am also grateful you are able to read this. We have more to be thankful for than we realise.

Enjoy today

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

Because of cancer.

Tags

achieve, affair, age, animal, attitude, avec, awareness, baby, banned, because, believer, Bellamy, best, birthday, black, blood, bone, can, cancer, Christian, Christmas, Christmaseve, Compassion, courage, cruise, CS, dad, David, death, Depressed, depression, desire, destiny, diagnosis, did, Do, does, Edmonds, encouragement, energy, Experience, facebook, faith, falling, Families, family, floating, foundations, friends, gift, gifts, given, GOD, Good, Goodness, greatness, guilt, Hannah, hansolo, happiness, hard, healing, health, help, Hodgkins, hope, hospital, Jewish, Johnny, know, Leicester, life, lire, live, lived, Liverpool, London, longevity, Lord'sPrayer, love, loved, Low, machine, marks, marrow, MDU, meal, meaning, memories, memory, Monkey, Morris, motivation, muscle, Muslim, neurology, neutrapeenic, Noel, not, of, oncology, one, Paddington, Paris, partner, passion, Peace, people, persevere, Presence, R2D2, raise, real, regret, relentless, Remember, rises, Samaritan, SENSATION, Sharing, shortbread, silverback, somebody, southport, Spirituality, square, stage, star, Stemcell, StevenHawkins, StMichael, stories, strength, struggle, survived, survivor, swopshop, taught, teach, Thames, thankyou, there, time, today, together, transplant, Transplanted, travel, tree, true, tvr, twitter, unite, unity, wars, weakness, what, white, will, win, Writing, yang, year, yes, yin, you

Some people, people that have not had a long battle with cancer  may not understand this blog. You see in the 5 1/2 yr battle I have learnt many good things. I have learnt many good things that I would not have learnt had I just gone to hospital and had it removed. I learned there is goodness to come out of a bad situation, that is if you want it to be found. I learned that many people want to reach out and help someone else. I learned that some people will not want to reach out because they are to busy doing what they want to do. Not what they should be doing maybe.

You see people I have never met before, have become my friend because of cancer. People in Australia, USA, in many parts of the world and in many places in the uk. I have even had the pleasure of meeting some people that have been touched by cancer. People have confided in me, told me stories of the most personal nature. Real strong bonds have been formed, bonds as strong as some I have had all my life. You see cancer helps us, it makes us think more, helps us to be non assuming, kind considerate and loving towards those that have to face this terrible desease. Now I am not saying that everyone should have cancer to understand. Indeed it does not have to be cancer, just to know what it’s like to suffer grately. 

  
Great physical pain. Gives Great understanding, not of suffering but what it means to have a life. It helps us to understand what this little life means. Because only when you are faced with losing your life can you understand what having a life truly means. All through my life before cancer I heard about someone who lost his life that we may have life. I for one am grateful that I had cancer so I could understand what Jesus did for me and you that little bit more.  Cancer has taught me to have faith and believe in people. Because while they may not be the people you expect to be there for you. To love you even. Cancer has been an inspiration to me, to my wife and so many others so far. Always look for the good, even if it’s a bad situation. You won’t know it’s there unless you look.

have a great post Christmas Eve day.

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

2015 what a year!

Tags

achieve, affair, age, animal, attitude, avec, awareness, baby, banned, because, believer, Bellamy, best, birthday, black, blood, bone, can, cancer, Christian, Christmas, Compassion, courage, cruise, CS, dad, David, death, Depressed, depression, desire, destiny, diagnosis, did, Do, does, Edmonds, encouragement, energy, Experience, facebook, faith, falling, Families, family, floating, foundations, friends, gift, gifts, given, GOD, Good, Goodness, greatness, guilt, Hannah, hansolo, happiness, hard, healing, health, help, Hodgkins, hope, hospital, Jewish, Johnny, know, Leicester, life, lire, live, lived, Liverpool, London, longevity, Lord'sPrayer, love, loved, Low, machine, marks, marrow, MDU, meal, meaning, memories, memory, Monkey, Morris, motivation, muscle, Muslim, neurology, neutrapeenic, Noel, not, of, oncology, one, Paddington, Paris, partner, passion, Peace, persevere, Presence, R2D2, raise, real, regret, relentless, Remember, rises, Samaritan, SENSATION, Sharing, shortbread, silverback, somebody, southport, Spirituality, square, stage, star, Stemcell, StevenHawkins, StMichael, stories, strength, struggle, survived, survivor, swopshop, Thames, thankyou, there, time, today, together, transplant, Transplanted, travel, tree, true, tvr, twitter, unite, unity, wars, weakness, what, white, will, win, Writing, yang, year, yes, yin, you

  Hi all so here is my year, what 2015 had in store for me. I suppose I had better put a link up first to the song I continue to play to this day. Knowing my friends and family are there for me and were there when I needed them most.

I had planned to reach out to people with cancer at the end of 2014 and planned to be effective in people’s lives using the medium of social networks like face book and Twitter. I planned to encourage people that cancer could be beaten as I was heading into my 3 rd year cancer free. I was tentertive in doing this because I never felt cancer had left me, but I had to start believing!! It was nearly 3 years that my doctor had told me I had been in remission for. Start being grateful I said to myself and start to bless others who are not so fortunate to get a remission diagnosis. That’s why cancer stories was set up to reach people, to communicate and hopefully encourage the people out there that needed other people and hopefully build a community of caring folk that would be there for each other. 

I so wanted 2015 to be a productive year, a year where people were blessed. For me though I had to wait to get the news of my biopsy. Christmas Eve I was having a lump I found taken out only a couple of weeks after finding it. In the first week of 2015 I found out I had cancer again, same place same desease. Hodgkins Lymphoma.

Although a shock, a real shock…. I was not surprised. I was to go on ICE chemotherapy almost straight away to prepare me for my transplant. Bone marrow transplant in hospital isolated. ( I know some of you know ). I decided early on that I was going to take it day by day and not look to far into the future. Of course I needed to know what needed to be done, but I decided to deal with things on a day to day basis… Wake up, do what needed to be done, then go to sleep and repeat. Of course it did not pan out like that, me being me I decided to carry on with the journey I had decided to go on before I realised I was to have cancer again. Cancer stories, although there are not many members (just over 200) we are all there to support each other. It soon became apparent that the group I had set up to help other people was going to be of huge benefit to me.

Many people helped me, encouraged me, cryed with me. Supported me, laughed with me, or at me. The chemo was horrendous, the procedures were unbearable. But no matter what there was always cancer stories, a place where people understood what cancer was about. An army of people that helped us both to believe when we felt we had no more in us, yo believe we CAN when it seemed impossible. We had a weeks holiday in Northumberland just before I had to go into isolation, it was a much needed rest from the seemingly constant trips to the hospital appointments, chemo, scans, and of course the 8 extractions of my teeth just to be accepted for the transplant. 

  
During my time in the room I made allot of friends, although my wife was with me ( I don’t know how she did it ) but she did. She was there everyday for me, sat by my side. Constant support and encouragement, my soul mate and best friend. Many of you at Cancer stories were there for me everyday. My dad messaged me everyday without fail, such was his commitment to me.

3rd June 2015 I left hospital and drove myself home, yep that right I drove home. Then started the blood tests every week to make sure my blood was recovering  and I was responding properly to being neutrapeenic. All seemed well and I have now gotten to the point where I am back on 3 monthly visits, not seeing anyone at hospital now till next year is a very different year to last year. But one thing 2015 has taught me, and that is never to assume anything. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, it’s what you do today that matters.  Cancer stories turned into a group of people that to this day relentlessly by choice. Show love and support to those fighting. 

What was your 2015 like?

Have a good next year, thanks for your support Cancer stories

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

I give myself a hard time.

Tags

achieve, affair, age, animal, attitude, avec, awareness, baby, banned, because, believer, Bellamy, best, birthday, black, blood, bone, can, cancer, Christian, Christmas, Compassion, courage, cruise, CS, dad, David, death, Depressed, depression, desire, destiny, diagnosis, did, Do, does, Edmonds, encouragement, energy, Experience, facebook, faith, falling, Families, family, floating, foundations, friends, gift, gifts, given, GOD, Good, Goodness, greatness, guilt, Hannah, hansolo, happiness, hard, healing, health, help, Hodgkins, hope, hospital, Jewish, Johnny, know, Leicester, life, lire, live, lived, Liverpool, London, longevity, Lord'sPrayer, love, loved, Low, machine, marks, marrow, MDU, meal, meaning, memories, memory, Monkey, Morris, motivation, muscle, Muslim, neurology, neutrapeenic, Noel, not, of, oncology, one, Paddington, Paris, partner, passion, Peace, persevere, Presence, R2D2, raise, real, regret, relentless, Remember, rises, Samaritan, SENSATION, Sharing, shortbread, silverback, somebody, southport, Spirituality, square, stage, star, StevenHawkins, StMichael, stories, strength, struggle, survived, survivor, swopshop, Thames, thankyou, there, time, today, together, transplant, travel, tree, true, tvr, twitter, unite, unity, wars, weakness, what, white, will, win, Writing, yang, yes, yin, you

I give myself a lot of hassle you know, put myself under pressure to achieve, to do when I feel I have no energy. Still I wake up late most days, still have sleepless nights nightmares and get frustrated at how little energy I have. Should I really though, should I not be happy to be here. When I remember what we faced this time last year, non of the attempts to find out if it was indeed cancer again had failed. Christmas Eve was about having the lump in my neck removed to find out what was ahead. For some an operation is just another step forwards, for me it’s  a huge stumbling block that I could not have overcome without my wife. If I am here today it’s because of my Andie, the role I played was to do what I needed to do.

  
Just over 6 months ago it was when I walked out of that hospital, having had my bone marrow transplant. Weird thinking that this will be the first Christmas in this house cancer free. Maybe just now writing this , and reading what I am writing is making me feel like it’s real. Maybe only now am I starting to believe, that it’s true that a cancer free Christmas is possible. That we are going to have the cancer free Christmas we dream of. A bone marrow transplant is a 3 week minimum operation, going into some dark places. Yet I still give myself grief, that I am not as strong as I feel I should be. Maybe my bar is set to high, set so high I won’t get there. Or maybe I have a need within me to encourage as many people on this planet as possible. That they can, where they think they can’t that they CAN. 

  
There are many people in my circle I admire, people I look up to, people that have stood by me and stood by Andie no matter what. I will continue to expect of myself and continue to do. Because the thought of not doing just feels so Empty, it’s not what we are made of. To demand more of yourself is not a bad thing, if you are able to look around you and appreciate the world you live in. To appreciate the life you have been given, enjoying the sounds and sites the world has to offer. Knowing it’s because you did that you enjoy today.

Enjoy your week running up to the day, we remember the birth of Jesus.

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

Life’s normal until something changes.

Tags

achieve, affair, age, animal, attitude, avec, awareness, baby, banned, because, believer, Bellamy, best, birthday, black, blood, bone, can, cancer, Christian, Christmas, Compassion, courage, cruise, CS, dad, David, death, Depressed, depression, desire, destiny, diagnosis, did, Do, does, Edmonds, encouragement, energy, Experience, facebook, faith, falling, Families, family, floating, foundations, friends, gift, gifts, given, GOD, Good, Goodness, greatness, guilt, Hannah, hansolo, happiness, healing, health, help, Hodgkins, hope, hospital, Jewish, Johnny, know, Leicester, life, lire, live, lived, Liverpool, London, longevity, Lord'sPrayer, love, loved, Low, machine, marks, marrow, MDU, meal, meaning, memories, memory, Monkey, Morris, motivation, muscle, Muslim, neurology, neutrapeenic, Noel, not, of, oncology, one, Paddington, Paris, partner, passion, Peace, persevere, Presence, R2D2, raise, real, regret, relentless, Remember, rises, Samaritan, SENSATION, Sharing, shortbread, silverback, somebody, southport, Spirituality, square, stage, star, StevenHawkins, StMichael, stories, strength, struggle, survived, survivor, swopshop, Thames, thankyou, there, today, together, transplant, travel, tree, true, tvr, twitter, unite, unity, wars, weakness, what, white, will, win, Writing, yang, yin, you

Cancer changes lives by there becoming a new normal. Some may even say that normal does no exsist after you have been touched by cancer. I don’t know about that, but what is a very real fact is that many people that have suffered cancer do not ever find what’s normal again. I do have an idea for a solution though. I do feel it’s appropriate to know where you are going, to have an end game goal. It does however seem to me that people are putting to much pressure on themselves to be the normal that they were. That it’s unacceptable to have a new normal, does normal exsist on a daily basis.i think people confuse normal with comfort or continuity, that life has no change in it. Is it not the change that we face that causes people to feel depressed. Is it not mearly how we interpret the change that we face and how we choose to deal with it. I know depression is not a choice, but positivity is. Speaking good, happy and nice things are a choice.

  
People don’t like change and that is a fact, we like things to be predictable. Unfortunately cancer is far from predictable, I think in allot (not all) it’s our attitude to what may be ahead that may mean that we are able to beat it or not. Depression is after all a state of mind, and only those that have depression may disagree because they are happy to predict that they will be depressed tomorrow. People that say they are depressed will be that way, that is unless the person suggests it may be the case and are not happy to be in this state. 
What I say to people is, you are what you want yo be. If you say it, it’s so. I have heard it argued that depression is a condition, I agree. But it’s a condition you choose to NOT have, someone today put it like this. I am in that black hole they call depression, the place where everything seems bad. 

Please don’t misunderstand me I know only to well what it feels like to feel helpless,mot not want treatment anymore. To not have the strength to carry on. I know how it feels to have no answers, to put into google the word “positivity” because I was in a place where I had non. So never think that I don’t know what it’s like to be at my lowest eb because I do. I really do.

When I wake everyday, I do my best to say positive things, to avoid at all costs the black hole. We say what we are, and we believe what we say. Why wouldn’t we after all we are the person we know best in the world, so if we say we are depressed we are right. Yes that’s right you are, because you said it. Oh rest assured you will be depressed if you have said it, say it again and you will be even more. You say you can’t do something your right. The only person stopping you doing anything is you, the only person giving you the ability to say yes is you. 

  
You are the solution to your happiness, yes of course if your happy to be in that condition you will disagree with this whole blog.mpositivity is an action, a decision. These are my opinions based on my own journey, I am not a doctor, but I am drawing on choices I make everyday. Start speaking life to yourself, start telling yourself your happy to be alive. I wonder how long it will be before you realise that day you do that, that you have had a better day.
Have a great day
Fonz
http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Our support group on our FB

https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 

Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

1 in 4 they said.

Tags

achieve, affair, age, animal, attitude, avec, awareness, baby, banned, because, believer, Bellamy, best, birthday, black, blood, bone, can, cancer, Christian, Christmas, Compassion, courage, cruise, CS, dad, David, death, desire, destiny, diagnosis, did, Do, does, Edmonds, encouragement, energy, Experience, facebook, faith, falling, Families, family, floating, foundations, friends, gift, gifts, given, GOD, Good, Goodness, greatness, guilt, Hannah, hansolo, happiness, healing, health, help, Hodgkins, hope, hospital, Jewish, Johnny, know, Leicester, life, lire, live, lived, Liverpool, London, longevity, Lord'sPrayer, love, loved, machine, marks, marrow, MDU, meal, meaning, memories, memory, Monkey, Morris, motivation, muscle, Muslim, neurology, neutrapeenic, Noel, not, of, oncology, one, Paddington, Paris, partner, passion, Peace, persevere, Presence, R2D2, raise, real, regret, relentless, Remember, rises, Samaritan, SENSATION, Sharing, shortbread, silverback, somebody, southport, Spirituality, square, stage, star, StevenHawkins, StMichael, stories, strength, struggle, survived, survivor, swopshop, Thames, thankyou, there, today, together, transplant, travel, tree, true, tvr, twitter, unite, unity, wars, weakness, what, white, will, win, Writing, yang, yin, you

I was reading a blog today by Vera juice. She has had cancer to, I know her name but I won’t say here. As I read her words on death and how she felt whilst in hospital, watching an old lady live her last days. Reading how she felt and what she wanted to be able to do. I was taken straight back to that room, the room where I had my isolation. There were 4 isolated rooms on that ward and non of us saw each other. Only sent messages to each other via the nurses. It was pretty much stated that 1 out of the 4 in those rooms died every month. I cannot tell you the courage required just to walk through those doors knowing it could be me. Knowing you quite literally put your life on the line to get your life back.

It got me thinking reading Vera’s blog, what that lady would be remembered for. She had no visitors, surly there were people in the world that loved her. But what would she be rembered for? I don’t imagine she had a huge amount of cash next to the bed. Was she a good grandma, did she even have children of her own. What would she be remembered for? Which in turn got me thinking about what I would be remembered for, not being a good dad (I hope) because I have no children. Maybe being a good friend to others will be what I am remembered for, or helping people who are experiencing cancer is what I will be remembered for, a good brother? A good husband, I believe so. A good son, I could have been better, and believe I am better today. 
If anything is better today than it was, it’s because of cancer. It’s because having the courage to be put in a 1 in 4 situation of passing away I now have the positives in my life. In fact you are indeed reading something that maybe I will be remembered for. If your a great grandparent you will be remembered by your grandchildren, there is your legacy. In fact today one of my friends recalls through historic records that a grandfather back in the 1700’s was knighted. How wonderful that 300 yrs later we still remember this person because of the good he did. 

  
So what’s the point of this blog, what’s the 1 in 4 about. It reminded me of a lady that was in the end room, sadly she did not make it. Her last days were in that room, and it could have so easily have been me. That’s why I write, to encourage you to choose to make a differance. Someone close to me said “your blogs make you appear successful” they do I said, maybe that’s because I beat cancer. He smiled in agreement. What ever people remember about you when your no longer here, make sure is a good one, make sure they can smile at the life you lived.  But whatever you do, smile laugh remembering it’s not what u do when they are gone. It’s what you do in your life, not what you have that you will be remembered for.

Wow and I had no inspiration for this blog, thanks Vera. X

Have a great weekend

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

What’s the worst part of cancer?

Tags

achieve, affair, age, animal, attitude, avec, awareness, baby, banned, because, believer, Bellamy, best, birthday, black, blood, bone, can, cancer, Christian, Christmas, Compassion, cruise, CS, dad, David, desire, destiny, diagnosis, did, Do, does, Edmonds, energy, Experience, facebook, faith, falling, Families, family, floating, foundations, friends, gift, gifts, given, GOD, Good, Goodness, greatness, guilt, Hannah, happiness, healing, health, help, Hodgkins, hope, hospital, Jewish, Johnny, know, Leicester, life, lire, live, lived, Liverpool, London, longevity, Lord'sPrayer, love, loved, machine, marks, marrow, MDU, meal, meaning, memories, memory, Monkey, Morris, motivation, muscle, Muslim, neurology, neutrapeenic, Noel, not, of, oncology, one, Paddington, Paris, partner, passion, Peace, persevere, Presence, R2D2encouragement, raise, real, regret, relentless, Remember, rises, Samaritan, SENSATION, Sharing, shortbread, silverback, somebody, southport, Spirituality, square, stage, star, StevenHawkins, StMichael, stories, strength, struggle, survived, survivor, swopshop, Thames, thankyou, there, today, together, transplant, travel, tree, true, tvr, twitter, unite, unity, wars, weakness, what, white, will, win, Writing, yang, yin, you

The not knowing, is without doubt the hardest. Being in a situation where you are not able to know what your future holds is hard in itself. It’s a place where you can’t do anything about your future, all you can do is wait for your diagnosis. You don’t know how hard you need to hit, you are not able to prepare yourself for the road ahead.myour in limbo until your told what you have. I remember the day I was diagnosed like it was 5 minutes ago. But my brain struggles to recall the days leading up to it, the tests after tests after tests. You find yourself at the lowest point in your life, tears roll down your face for no apparent reason. It’s like you know that the you that is now, is gone forever. It’s almost as though you are starting to grieve who you were, but yet you can’t grieve because you don’t know what you are grieving yet.All you do know is that you may have cancer, the more tests that are done the more the likley hood is that you do have cancer. But how do you fight it, is it terminal? How long do I have to live? What stage am I at? How will my family cope? All of these thoughts and many many more flood through your mind ALL the time. I remember looking up at the sky one night, thinking how selfish the people on the plane were that I could see, did they not know what I may be facing. It’s a strange place to be not knowing. It is without doubt the hardest point in my life until then. The words that would come out of the consultants mouth were to change my life forever. 

  
They kept predicting the stage that my possible cancer was at. 2 a was possible at first but within the space of 2 months the probability had gone up to 4a. I mean I can’t tell you how that makes you feel, the emotional roller coaster leading up to the diagnosis day. So many things were said that day, but the only word I really heard was “cancer” then that I would die quickly without treatment. It’s the time were you need your friends more than you ever did, just to take your mind off things and bring you back to some kind of old reality again. When you grieve the death of a family member, it’s not nice how you feel inside. Yet that’s exactly what I felt whilst waiting for diagnosis, grieving the me that had gone, knowing the you that you know would never be again. That there would be a new you that you did not know! 
I am now 5 1/2 years on from diagnosis, I still morn the old me. At the same time I am starting to love the new me, while at the same time learning to live my life in new boundaries. I guess I was fortunate that my cancer was treatable, but I would have loved to have just gone under the knife once to remove it it’s never that simple though is it. All this time having treatment yet I have a feeling of elation, of defiance that I have beaten this evil desease. No matter how horrendous chemo makes you feel, how scary the procedures are.mi still say the worst is the not knowing. 
Here’s lifting a glass to Life!
Enjoy what you have, life is THE most precious gift you have.
Fonz
http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Our support group on our FB

https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

The worst thing to say to a cancer patient.

Tags

achieve, affair, age, animal, attitude, avec, awareness, baby, banned, because, believer, Bellamy, best, birthday, black, blood, bone, can, cancer, Christian, Christmas, Compassion, cruise, CS, dad, David, desire, destiny, did, Do, does, Edmonds, Experience, facebook, faith, falling, Families, family, floating, foundations, friends, gift, gifts, given, GOD, Good, Goodness, greatness, guilt, Hannah, happiness, healing, health, help, Hodgkins, hope, hospital, Jewish, Johnny, know, Leicester, life, lire, live, lived, Liverpool, London, longevity, Lord'sPrayer, love, loved, machine, marks, marrow, MDU, meal, meaning, memories, memory, Monkey, Morris, motivation, muscle, Muslim, neurology, neutrapeenic, Noel, not, of, oncology, one, Paddington, Paris, partner, passion, Peace, persevere, Presence, R2D2encouragement, raise, real, regret, relentless, Remember, rises, Samaritan, SENSATION, Sharing, shortbread, silverback, somebody, southport, Spirituality, square, star, StevenHawkins, StMichael, stories, strength, struggle, survived, survivor, swopshop, Thames, thankyou, there energy, today, together, transplant, travel, tree, true, tvr, twitter, unite, unity, wars, weakness, what, white, will, win, Writing, yang, yin, you

Could today be it? Are you really bothered? You get in your flash car, go to work fulfil the demands put on you by your work place. Earn enough, for what? To be stuck in traffic come home eat then fall asleep without family time. If that’s you, you have had no wake up call. No shock to make you think differently. That’s great, I so hope you never do. But if your still reading this then you do actually care. One thing is for sure that we will die one day, but what will we be remembered by? Our house, what we owned, our car. Or what we did for others, you see for me I want to be remembered for what I did rather than what I had. I hope to be remembered for being involved in other people’s lives, not the person that said I would and never did. I was watching 24 hours in A&E last night, it got me thinking that people only stop and think when they have a trauma in their lives. They only  truly reflect when our paths are forced to change.
I really related to that, because the same happened to me. When I got cancer I could clearly see where my last days would be, it was a wake up call a realisation that I am not as invincible as I thought I was. That there is actually an end. Andies mum ( I loved her so much) used to say this. It’s not what you do when someone’s gone it’s what you do in their lives. It’s true isn’t it, we have the chance now and we think that money and a living is enough. What’s the point in all that if there are no moments of reflection. No moments of peace, of sharing thoughts with others and love. Weekend should not be recovery time to go to be fit for another weeks work. Weekend should be time for family and friends to do in their lives now, before its to late. 

  
Like this blog, it’s written forever. People can read this in generations to come, maybe people will want to read my thoughts more when I am gone, I guess that’s just human nature. What this blog is about is to do my best to help you to see, that it’s not to late. It never is whilst we have breath, while we are able. The worst thing to say to a cancer patient is. I am here if you need anything, just ask. Because when your that ill you can’t ask, you don’t even feel like typing.even breathing is an affront never mind walking, talking and phoning someone. What ever you do will be appreciated   Trust me. But don’t say those words. “You know where I am” because although the person does know that, they won’t ask.

  
 Just do, and make their day by turning up with some food, even if they don’t feel like it. I remember when I was at my lowest Eb my friend Johnny came up to the house and dived on me, giving me a huge hug. I didn’t want him there, even hated that he came. But as soon as I had that hug and saw his wife. My mind changed, we had a great night that night and will never forget it. Johnny did for me where others said those words, don’t get me wrong many people did. That is just one example.

Have a great week

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536

Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

Giving is healing

Tags

achieve, affair, age, animal, attitude, avec, awareness, baby, banned, because, believer, Bellamy, best, birthday, black, blood, bone, can, cancer, Christian, Christmas, Compassion, cruise, CS, dad, David, desire, destiny, did, Do, does, Edmonds, energy, exsperience, facebook, faith, falling, Families, family, floating, foundations, friends, gift, gifts, given, GOD, Good, Goodness, greatness, guilt, Hannah, happiness, healing, health, help, Hodgkins, hope, hospital, Jewish, Johnny, know, Leicester, life, lire, live, lived, Liverpool, London, longevity, Lord'sPrayer, love, loved, machine, marks, marrow, MDU, meal, meaning, memories, memory, Monkey, Morris, motivation, muscle, Muslim, neurology, neutrapeenic, Noel, not, of, oncology, one, Paddington, Paris, partner, passion, Peace, persevere, Presence, R2D2encouragement, raise, real, regret, relentless, Remember, rises, Samaritan, SENSATION, Sharing, shortbread, silverback, somebody, southport, Spirituality, square, star, StevenHawkins, StMichael, stories, strength, struggle, survived, survivor, swopshop, Thames, thankyou, today, together, transplant, travel, tree, true, tvr, twitter, unite, unity, wars, weakness, what, white, will, win, Writing, yang, yin, you

What is the ethos of Cancer stories, why does it exsist. Is it helpful to share our exsperiences with others, or does it scare people to know what’s ahead. Well I believe that sharing is healing, that we as humans can keep what we have learnt or exsperienced locked away or we can tell people how it was for us. I am finding many people are, and have to date been and have been blessed by people sharing. Some have even gotten belief in themselves that they can do it, that they can get up and beat this terrible deasease that has taken so many people’s lives. To believe because we did, that they can do the same, to Kick cancers Butt.
There are many stories that come out of Cancer stories, I am very aware that soon I will have to sum up the last year. something I don’t want to do. Sharing our stories has gotten people out of bed, it’s helped with self belief, still helped with confidence. Helped people to be lifted up simply by sharing sometimes how hard something is. You see, when someone knows it’s gonna be tough and has seen someone come through, believe it or not it gives hope that they can. Hope that by determination and the power of our will makes us believe we CAN. More over that your not alone, that there are people that understand what you have to face, we are an army there always any time of the day or night here for you. 
Our lives have been touched by cancer some how, which makes us motivational. It makes us experienced, it makes us empathic instead of sympathetic. Anyone can have sympathy but not many people on earth can empathise with another. It’s because you have had cancer that you now have the gift of exsperience that can touch others. Only when someone has been through the exsperience can you empathise with another. Maybe that’s why I had it, maybe that’s why cancer touched me to wake me up, to help me realise that effort brings healing and by sharing our stories, we can bring healing to others because of our experiences. 

  
We are all linked throughout the world as humans. But empathy is one of the most powerful tools at our disposal. It’s very powerful what we have felt and exsperienced, where I hope no one ever has to suffer cancer and the horrific treatment that goes with it. Those that have, have a special gift that they don’t even realise they have. Simply because you have been touched by cancer, what you have been through can help another. The only person in the way of that is you.
We can all hold our head in our hands and ask why me, but by holding our head up and sharing our story people’s lives are affected and even healed, because of you.
But will you?
Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536

Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.