The 47 yr old naked me.

Tags

fat, happiness, happy, hope, illness, love, selfbelief, selfless

Every morning I get up, I am naked as the day I was born. I know I am a slightly different shape to the day I was actually born.  But never the less I am still faced with the same old problem. How to make this rather over weight, middle aged man look good. Well actually those were my dating days. It was always a real pain breathing in on those dates I used to go on, of course some dates I went on I rather felt disappointed I had made the effort and did not bother to hold my waist in at all on those dates. Trouble with that though was that, buttons on my jeans burst and belts snapped. Recently I have become more comfortable getting up and not being able to see where my bits were, finding a mirror rather more useful than I had before this time in my life.

  
I must admit I have been rather struggling with the fact that I am no longer a 32 ” waist and have finally realised that just because the bee gees are playing on the 80’s music channel it does not mean that 32″ jeans fit comfortably like they did back then.  I have until 2 days ago imagined myself as that well toned strong fit athletic figure of a man. Trouble with that was though that it was a memory and not a reality. I kinda sneaked past 34″ waist without anyone noticing. Now I do apologise if you have at any point imagined me naked at any point here. Please ask God for forgiveness unless you are my mum. But even if you are my mum. Trust me mum I don’t look anything like you may think I do. 

I used to be frightened of the Family belly and as time went on and hit 40 I had to rest a lot and my 34″ waist became a 36″ now I am saying this. But until two days ago I just thought it was my reflection getting fat and not actually me. I don’t know if this rings a bell. Anyway I woke up last Thursday and tried on ALL my jeans and non fitted yup and they all were 36″ so I had to face facts. I looked in the mirror at me and my fella. I felt sorry for myself as I uttered the words. Me and you are a 38″ pal we just are we just gotta go and get some that actually fit my fat size and be happy about it.

Now I went in the shop, embarrassed as I uttered the sentence to the passing shop assistant ” Hi I can see 38″ long leg but no regular ” she sniggered and went off to find some. But this is the truth, I bought 3 pairs of £10 jeans that were next to the £36 jeans. Why because I will I hope one day, want to get back into a 36″ waist ( I don’t want to aim to high ) as she walked away I realised that I would never go to a party again and be thought of as attractive, but maybe be asked if I was a grandparent yet. 

Now I realise I am a 38″ and feel happy that they need hitching up, it makes that 32″ man I imagine seem more real now. This post I wrote because I am now happy with the fat me and hoped you would have some fun reading it.

Have a great day

Being happy with who you are today.

Fonz

Self belief.

Tags

belief, believe, effort, faith, hope, love, passion, selfbelief

Good morning, it’s the day after my birthday which is a great relief to have made it this far relatively unscathed. Someone said to me recently that my blogs are a bit repeative. That I keep sending the same message out everyday. I guess the person is right to a degree because what I do write I aim to be positive and uplifting as I want to encourage others in their fights what ever that may be. It does not have to be cancer to need Self belief. We all have the ability to be able to have it, it’s just some people Choose not to believe in themselves. Maybe like someone I know, you have been told often that you would not amount to much by some insecure bully, which makes self belief all the harder to manage.

  
I want to tell you how I believe in what I can do even if I have never done it. Whilst facing cancer everything we had put before us was exsteme, it was hard energy zapping and seemingly negative. I set myself a goal, the goal I set was to become cancer free. To be able to look at my wife on my birthday cancer free to be able to start living as opposed to continue dying. No matter how bleak that day is/was I focused on that and going away. The long term goal that I had I never ever waivered from believing I would beat it.

  
You see for me, as some of you know I thought it had not left me when I was in remission the first time. Apparently this is called fractured remission. That’s when the medics thinks it’s gone but the patient does not feel it. 

I was on holiday with the lads last year, it was overshadowed in my head by the fact that I had a lump come back in my neck. The appointment to see the consultant was on my return, although it was a great holiday I never totally relaxed. Even though there was a black cloud over me I still believed I had the fight in me to beat it. It was a daily thing, believing I would win. No matter what blocks were put in my way I was and did believe in myself every day. Where that strength came from I do not know, but what I do know is that it’s now Gone. That holding the touch of self belief was worth it. 

  
The look on my wife’s face to have me with her yesterday was heart warming, we met a great couple whilst out for lunch with their English bulldog Frank…. Wow that dog knows how to give an ear a deep cleanse that’s a fact. Great moments that we enjoy because we chose to endure the treatment. I hope if your fighting and your reading this, that you are able to believe in the goal that you set yourself and make it happen. I believe the power of prayer is underestimated, that people can and will help you on your way if you believe. I guess some may think it’s a bit of a cliche, if you do then maybe you have not had to dig so deep to stay alive. If that’s the case, seize your day  because it’s a gift to be alive and well. How much more those words mean to our family now. “Alive and well” Awesome.

  
Have a great day,

Mark