Thank you cancer

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bone, cancer, desire, encouragement, faith, family, friends, given, health, help, hope, hospital, love, loved, survivor, transplant, Writing

Thank you cancer.
Why not? I mean cancer has for sure helped me to see a world in a different way. I hope I can explain it well enough for you, that maybe you can see the world differently to just by reading this blog.  
In my world only my loving wife and my mom and dad truly know what life’s like for me. I am fortunate to be a prayed for man, which humbles me greatly that people take the time to pray. As I wrote that I phoned one of my dads friends who is in a nursing home who prays for me to thank him. People are so nice aren’t they. So on with this post.
If you suffer with pain or know someone that does or side effects from treatment this is for them, I just hope you can share it with them if you think it will help.
You see when you have pain, a useless one like nerve damage. It’s not something that can be changed, it most certainly will not go away by complaining about it or worrying about it. However there are things we can do, things that make life less painful even though the pain still exsists. I get told many times how wonderfully I have done, and can only thank God for the strength I have been given to carry on and the friends he has put my way. There are many things and words that can help us in life you know, just by putting a positive word into Google, or on my blog you will find something that will take your mind away from the pain you feel. So let’s take a word any word, an ordinary one and let’s see if we can help ourselves with one word.
BEE

So firstly from my own mind, what does the word Bee mean to me, well until just recently it could be an insect that stings and then dies needlessly. Pointlessly you may think. That could be the end, could it not? Or we could look at what a bee has it’s sting for that it protects its colony from predictors, that it makes Honey that’s used in so many different ways. In fact we find that some bees have heeling properties in their Honesy such as Manuka from New Zealand. We can take a photo of it and look at how amazing it is how it collects pollen, and by doing so pollinates other plants and even helps them to produce fruit. In fact without the bee, there would be no fruit at all on some trees. We can see the beauty that there is in what the bee does and how it looks all the time whilst doing this one thing, the pain we have feels less. Because we have looked at something in a different way. We have given ourselves a new perspective at that moment therefore helping our mental health and feeling less of the bad things for a short while.
Of course the Bee symbolises so much more now, being a symbol of anti terrorism for Manchester and a sign that we stand together against it.
Our two Labradors are amazing, they change how I feel and for sure help me with my own pain levels to. When I concentrate on them rather than the pain, it’s like I have gone through a period where I forgot I was in pain. Speaking of positive things, and doing positive actions make a differance in life, not only for the person that suffers but for the person that supports a person that suffers.
How you perceive something changes your whole life.
Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com
Our support group on our FB
Cancer stories (people helping people through experience) 
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. I
Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone
 else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.

You could change a life by sharing this post! Will you?
Copyright ©2017

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I know what it’s like to eat salty bacon with tears.

Tags

awareness, bone, cancer, faith, Families, friends, Hodgkins, hope, life, love, partner, Peace, strength, survivor, transplant, weakness

I know what it’s like to eat salty bacon with tears.

I don’t know how many of you have just watched “Growing up with cancer” but I just did. Children that had the cancer i did, children that had to grow up with cancer and face things no child should. Well it took me back once again to that room where I had my stem cell transplant.  Kids are so resilient aren’t they, accepting of their situation and able to rationalise things and adapt. They seem to be able to deal with things quickly and efficiently. 

There was a young lad in the wards that became depressed and lost his appetite. He was unable to eat due to how he felt, he was angry and upset although he was uncertain of why he was so unhappy. Being depressed he was certain of. I know I was low and forced my family away from me, which is actually why I am writing this very post.  The family that wanted to be close to me I pushed away.  I did not allow them on the ward even though they could have really. I was so hung up on the word. Isolation. 

I wanted to give myself the best chance at beating cancer and living longer by not being around any germs what so ever. Well I want to put that right right now. Today should my wife’s dad be alive he would be 74. But cancer took him aged 59. I never knew him. But it’s made me realise I was wrong to be that way, that I should apologise to my family and say Sorry. Sorry for keeping you at arms length, and ask that you all forgive me.

Whilst in that room the chemo they give you, is so horrendous that you get hundreds of ulcers all the way through your body. They tell you that you are unable to eat, and that you would be better to have a nose tube to be fed through, and that exercise would be impossible. 

What I did in there I did for my family, I did what I thought I could to come through. I did press ups on the visiting chair that my wife used sometimes. I walked from the bed to the ensuite which was about 5 steps and back whilst having chemo moving all of the time and eating my breakfast not once but twice everyday. Sounds greedy right? Wrong. I would say eating bacon with ulcers in your mouth throat, intestines, all the way through to your bowl is not easy. You cry whilst eating making the bacon taste saltier. But every bite hurts like hell as it goes through your body making you not want to eat. Without doubt the easiest thing to do is to not eat, to choose nothing off the menu to sleep all day and not excercise. To give up. 

All I did in there I did for my family, and want to say sorry for not doing the things you wanted me to. It was wrong of me. 

To anyone that’s facing cancer or supporting anyone with cancer. What seems normal in life without cancer is most certainly not normal in a life during cancer. 

But I leave you with this, to do something is better than doing nothing, even if at the time it may seem like the wrong thing to do, it’s still better to do.
Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience) 

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. I

Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone

 else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
You could change a life by sharing this post! Will you?

Copyright ©2017

To give Life

Tags

cancer, encouragement, family, friends, GOD, hope, life, love, together, transplant, travel

To give life!!
At the moment we are looking after 3 dogs, although the other 2 are faiths pups you still follow them around guiding them to be good. The warmth they give my heart far out weighs the mist chief I find them making. Take this afternoon.

I am making a bigger pond for my fish of which I have 12 remaining. But that’s due to me not putting a net over the pond and a heron pinching one last night. So I am indoors sorting out cloud print or something on our Epsom printer… (Still no idea) the pups were outside. 

I am not silly, I know they make mischief but hoped they would be good. They normally play in the side garden, ripping up paper and snapping things. Anything is fair game. Take the other day I planted some climbers, only to find the plants half eaten on the grass. I said nothing and ent and got some chicken wire ( the plastic kind) and screwed it either side of the posts so no further intrusions of plants avoiding all dog chrime!!

The next day I came into the garden where I was confident I had sorted the issue to find the same plant uprooted and more besides and the netting ripped off. I looked at Lily Hope our puppy who tilted her head to the side in a (waaaaat) kinda way. Looking to cute to chastise. With a smile on my face… “NAUGHTY PUPPY”. I said. She looked at me satisfied with her dog chrime with a look of one upmanship as she waddled off.  No more has happened since. However. 

We return to the pond build and I had successfully moved all remaining 12 fish into a paddling pool ready for putting into their new home. Tomorrow. Whilst confusing myself with printer clouds and google chrome it appeared the two amigos ( sisters ) have been naughty and removed one of my fish and had decided to play with it on the decking. When I arrived they quickly left the area waddling satisfactorily down the path whilst I decided if I should bin the fish or do my best to revive the poor girl. 

Of course I opted to revive the fish, to my astonishment it now lives. My puppy and our friends puppy no doubt will still be partners in dog chrime, and I will continue to love them, and hope they find me some sort of  leader in the future. But I do rather think it best to enjoy that they are with us, and see their little lives as pleasant unpredictable additions to our family. 

Life is that, and no matter what your pain you can look upon the trials you face however you like. But you do have life which is a gracious gift.
Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience) 

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. I

Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone

 else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
You could change a life by sharing this post! Will you?

Copyright ©2017

Transplant 2 years in.

Tags

camcer, chemo, encouragement, hope, love, marriage, survivor, transplant, wife

Transplant 2 years in.

It’s incredible how things have changed from this day 2 years ago to today. 2 years ago today right now I would be having my first chemo in isolation having had my Hickman line fitted in the morning. I remember who was there for me, my friend Karl who was so amazingly supportive during my stay in hospital doing jobs for me back at our house. My wife is so impeccable at the detail wrote everything down from day to day during my transplant. Whist I don’t like to look back on negative things I just move on normally. But it’s reasonable to say it’s important to look back, so others who face the same can learn from my experience possibly. Your brain is a powerful instrument and I think shuts off from us the trauma we experience at certain times in our lives. That’s why my wife’s write ups are invaluable when looking back at my transplant journey.  For sure I don’t mind telling you I proberbly cried more in the first 24 hours in isolation than possibly any other 24 in the whole of my life before. 

There are two things you never need to chase in life. They are true friendships and true love. Both of which ironically we have no control over.  People that truly love you will be there for you as they were there for me. People that don’t really care about you will not be in touch with you at all. 

My Hickman line was playing up, although I don’t remember much about it. I made friends in that hospital that sadly I am not able to peruse due to hospital protocol. Dr Salem, Heather and Kim. The girls were like my Angels, there for me when ever I needed it. I am not able to get across to you just how amazing the people that work for the NHS are. They are committed and conscientious and vital to the health of us all in the UK. You will never realise how important the NHS is until you need it. There are some that disagree with me, but you have to remember that they do the best with what they have. 

If I have any advice for anyone who has this to face, don’t try and make your friendships happen. They will take care of themselves, the ones that are really important will make it through to the end. Aside of my family my wife Andie, Paul Benson, Johnny Wilson, Karl Boardman, and Simon Naylor were the people that kept me motivated. Phone calls not talking about cancer were a great relief in that small room.  Our cancer stories group which was small back the, had so many faithful people in it that were a great support. To name a few, Rob Fiscbeck, Liz Peters, Eileen Almond, our late friend Eileen Salmon, Judith Taylor, jean Anderson and Deanna Perich, were all good people and many many more that helped along with the whole Cancer stories group. My dad rang me everyday, if your reading this and your supporting someone in cancer. NOT talking about cancer is the best conversation you can have. 

You find out what’s truly important in times like these, aside of friendships. Peace with yourself, God and the planet is vital. What was can not be changed. But the future is in your hands and for sure you can make a differance in this world if you want to.

I guess what I am trying to say is, treasure what you have and enjoy what you have to the fullest. One day medicine won’t be my saviour, but I have and do know true freindship and true love in my life. I leave you today with a song Johnny Wilson gave to me when I went in for my transplant. The 3 weeks that changed me and my outlook forever. I only hope that someone reads this today and listens to this song and it helps you to realise the good you have in your life.

Be good to one another.

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience) 

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. I

Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone

 else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
You could change a life by sharing this post! Will you?

Copyright ©2017

I just want to thank you.

Tags

bank, cancer, cells, chemotheropy, holiday, hope, LEP, stem, stories, transplant

Oh yes for sure, I am fully aware that I am not perfect. That the man that is Fonz is imperfect and has flaws. Never the less you have read my blogs, maybe even you have found them helpful. Maybe you have shared them. What ever you have done, you have helped me and spurred me on to carry on with my 365 blogs in 365 days. 

Here are the actual number of posts so far via a screen shot

A massive task that maybe even I thought was not possible. Yet here we are 375 days on. Over 700 of you now follow me, many of you have commented and shown me commitment in reading what my murmurings have been. I want to thank each and everyone of you for your part in encouraging me to carry on. 

Here is the post and the names I put up back then.

Thought I would put up some thank yous  

Firstly to my wife Andie Blackwell for being my rock and constant source of strength.

Debbie Beardsworth for the DVDs you sent.

Janette McCreery Reynolds for the listening books all the way from the usa

Becca Parkes for the gifts you sent to my wife. ( sadly passed )

Tea Veenstra and Saskia Woudstra for the card from Holland

 Karl Boardman s children Rhys and Kyle for my good wishes card and also to Karl for looking after my house and car whilst I have been here.

Lisa Wood Daryll and Ian for your good wishes via mail.

Anne-Marie Balfour Eric and children Elsie and Rhona for your lovely presents.

Faith my dog for letting grandma do your faith diaries. 

Ken Blackwell for looking after Faith with my mum.

Jeremy Blackwell for lending me those uplifting books.

Kim Blackwell for supporting my wife often, and talking to her when driving home from hospital to keep her awake.

Zac Blackwell my nephew for lending me my PS3 games.

Joshua Winn for fundraising and your relentlace support. 

Mandy Shanks for your continued support in prayer.

Alison Wilson Johnny Wilson and Molly and boys for your constant support and love at this time for us both.

Beverley Winn for your messages of support.

Carmella Hollington Vale for your continued support.

 Cath Parker and John Chapman for your support and love for us both in this.

Chris Dale,and Lisa Dale ben jack and Alfie for your fun and laughter at times of need. And the picture you put on CS and the special video you made.
Dan Vernon and Helen vernon Rueben and Ethan.

Daniel Alexander Clyburn for being there constantly.

Dave Hollington for your encouragement.

My friend Deanna Harwood Perich who skype do and encouraged us many times during the rough rough moments.

Eileen Salmon for your funny messages daily that have kept my spirits up. ( sadly passed ) 

Ian Ian John Fisher for reminding me of good times we had along with Marie Anna Emily and Ava.

Jan benbow for supporting my wife.

Kirsty Redford for being there for me always and comforting me.

Lakshmi Sharma

Lilian Candy and Pete.

Mags Whitehouse for being there in the small hours to encourage me.

Mel braban for instigigating fund raising event in North Wales

Michelle and Calum for messaging ur sister.

Natalie Burney and MITCH and family for being there even though facing very tough times.

Paul Benson and Jane for your constant love and concideration.

Pauline Phil Lloyd for your encouragement and updates as to your own story here.

Ron Blackwell and Rosalie Blackwell for your constant support.

Sue Winstanley

Alexandra Villemaire in Canada for your reassurance and love.

Thank you to Amanda parfitt

Angela Jack for encouraging me and Andie

Anne Marie slater

Bernadette major

Beth obrien

Bullet tooth tony

Carleene waddicar

Carole Ann Richards you have been a tower of strength

Chantelle Bolton and girls for cheering me up.

Cherlyn Mcsharry and mike and family

Chris Calvert for all your distractions

Chris Oneil and Rachel Robinson

Colin Colin Browne Debbie Browne ur always there.

Colltte mchugh

Dani Makovecz

Daz Manley your a great encouragement

Debbie Debbie Sumner your amazing and I thank you

Dee Taylor

Denise fortune

Diane boocock

Doris livesey

Dorothy Bailey

Eileen Almond my dear friend

Ellen Leigh for your love and sharing your story

Elliott Summerfield

Emily waddicar

Gail Hardman for all your messages and support from you and your boys

Gareth Cartwright rhiannon and family I know this has been tough for you.

Gillian wells you have been here from the start.

Hitesh Ghedia you know.

Ian greenwood for keeping an eye on things

James Clinton Smith for daily encouragement, relentlessly 

James D Peace-Mankiewicz we will have lunch 1 day friend. ( sadly passed )

Janine Taylor and Paul Taylor and family for all your support

Jason Julie Kenningley Mark Kenningley Luke Kenningley and family’s 

Jean ‘Mili’ Thraves you have been a great addition to the group.

Jean Anderson your journey and Billy’s has inspired me.

Jean alty

Jenny hopwood

Jo Jo Paxton

Joel

John Almond you have been a great source of strength

Judith broad bentm

Judith Taylor inspitational person.

Julia Prince x

Julia Wadsworth here for me even though she is having a hard time.

Julie Watson

Julie wood welcome

Karen Charteris

Kathleen Hyams a star

Kayla green

Kieth McIntosh 

Kelly Baxter

Kelly rushton

Klara burton

Les smalley

Linda smalley

Liz peters my dear friend and family

Lorraine Haslett u know.

Louise Hyams

Lyndy

Malaya Arnold

Mandy shanks

Margret Margaret Park xx

Prestwich pharmacy

Marie ash worth

Marius Hantig Adriana my special friends xx

Matanda

Matthew Cross

Michelle hodgeon

Rita hodgeon sadly passed but told her story to us.

Mj Sherman

Nichola kenny a special person
Nicola fortune

Patsy wileman

Pauline birkbeck

Peter bones Wilson a life long friend

Sammie Roberts 

Sanjay Ghedia

Shandee Cabral

Sharron mccrery

Sharron Perry

Shaun Ferguson

Shelley Elizabeth

Simon Naylor Kay and family, becoming true friends.

Sue Daniels

Susan robinson

Tajreen mowla

Tim button

Tin foil tie wrap

Towhida Rahman

Tracey Ann Essex, thanks for your continued support on the benidorm seriously group.

Trisha Houghton

Veronica Bailey

Wendy and rob Cartwright, for your love and friendship over the past 23 years

Wendy case Edwards another fighter in Australia.

Youandi Woudstra an amazing person, and outlook.

These are people that supported us while we were in hospital.

There are many more people in our lives now that we’re not bk then. But I wanted to revisit that post, the people that were there back then. The differance you make in people’s lives. I want to encourage you to say the encouraging words you need to say. Because with out you someone may not get the words they need that day. What you say and do can and will make so much of a differance. All you have to do is agree to do it yourself.
Don’t not encourage the person you are compelled to do today, today will be the past tomorrow. But it will also be a new today and a new start and chance to help someone. 

But Will you?

Thanks to all of you that have been there for us, the new friends we have made since this article was written. Thank you.

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience) 

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 

Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own.

Copyright © 2016

Love yourself.

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achieve, affair, age, animal, attitude, avec, awareness, baby, banned, be live, because, believer, Bellamy, best, birthday, black, blood, bone, BONE MARROW TRANSPLANT, brain, can, cancer, chemo, chemotheropy, Christian, Christmas, Christmaseve, Cole, Compassion, courage, cricket, cruise, CS, dad, David, dead, death, define, Depressed, depression, desire, destiny, diagnosis, did, died, Do, does, Edmonds, empathy, encouragement, endurance, energy, England, Eve, expect, Experience, facebook, faith, falling, Families, family, floating, foundations, friends, gallery, gift, gifts, given, goals, GOD, Good, Goodness, great, greatness, guilt, Hannah, hansolo, happiness, happy, hard, healing, health, help, Hodgkins, hope, hospital, Jewish, jobs, Johnny, know, last day, Learn, Leicester, life, lire, Listen, live, lived, Liverpool, London, longevity, Lord'sPrayer, love, loved, Low, machine, marks, marrow, MDU, meal, meaning, memories, memory, Monkey, morph, Morris, motivation, mum, muscle, Muslim, Natalie Cole, Natking, neurology, neutrapeenic, new year, Noel, not, of, oncology, one, one day, onedirection, Paddington, Paris, partner, passion, Peace, people, persevere, precious, Presence, R2D2, raise, real, reality, recover, regret, Rejected, Rejection, relentless, Remember, resolution, rises, Samaritan, SENSATION, Sharing, shortbread, silverback, somebody, southport, Spirituality, square, stage, star, stats, Stemcell, Steve, StevenHawkins, StMichael, stories, strength, struggle, survived, survivor, swopshop, taught, teach, tennis, Thames, thankyou, there, time, today, together, Tohetehr, Tony hart, transplant, Transplanted, travel, tree, true, tvr, twitter, unite, unity, wars, WE, weakness, wealth, wealthy, what, white, who you are, will, win, Wordpress, working, Writing, yang, year, yes, yin, you, yourself

Throughout my life there have been many stages, but one lesson I would say is perhaps the hardest, or maybe took the longest. Was to learn to love myself, you see most people blame situations people, ( I was dealt a bad hand)  my friend says it like. The people in the pub that have a woulda coulda story – if only it was not for such and such. Well it’s all a load of rubbish. Absolute BS. Our future is in our hands but unfortunately, if we don’t live ourselves we will find life is so much harder than it would otherwise be should we be happy with who we are. We have to become that person that when the person who is looking back, your content with. I am not saying the full article because no human is ever the ful article in my opinion. We learn until the day we die if always want to improve ourselves. 

  
I personally want to better today than I was yesterday, I think they call it growing. Always learning and always becoming a better you. Let me put it this way, a house needs solid foundations to last. Without solid foundations there will be cracks in the plaster in time, bricks will move and the house will become unstable. Loving yourself is the foundation for everything we build on top of it, a relationship, the ability to live with your whole heart, holding down a good job, respect from others. No one will respect you if you don’t respect yourself.  

  
I found the right person to marry because I had found myself in travelling Australia, yup that’s what it took for me. It was not till I was 36 and a broken marriage behind me that I became truly happy with the reflection in my mirror. Very late in life I would say, but at least I got there in the end. Cancer has honed me, made me a better more rounded person enabling me to see life through the eyes of a disability. The disability being the disabling treatments that my cancer demanded. In your life you will have your own challenges, but what ever happens in your life love the person who you are before you build a life.

Have a great weekend

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

Chemo Brain.

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achieve, affair, age, animal, attitude, avec, awareness, baby, banned, be live, because, believer, Bellamy, best, birthday, black, blood, bone, BONE MARROW TRANSPLANT, brain, can, cancer, chemo, chemotheropy, Christian, Christmas, Christmaseve, Cole, Compassion, courage, cricket, cruise, CS, dad, David, dead, death, define, Depressed, depression, desire, destiny, diagnosis, did, died, Do, does, Edmonds, empathy, encouragement, energy, England, Eve, expect, Experience, facebook, faith, falling, Families, family, floating, foundations, friends, gallery, gift, gifts, given, goals, GOD, Good, Goodness, great, greatness, guilt, Hannah, hansolo, happiness, happy, hard, healing, health, help, Hodgkins, hope, hospital, Jewish, jobs, Johnny, know, last day, Learn, Leicester, life, lire, Listen, live, lived, Liverpool, London, longevity, Lord'sPrayer, love, loved, Low, machine, marks, marrow, MDU, meal, meaning, memories, memory, Monkey, morph, Morris, motivation, mum, muscle, Muslim, Natalie Cole, Natking, neurology, neutrapeenic, new year, Noel, not, of, oncology, one, one day, onedirection, Paddington, Paris, partner, passion, Peace, people, persevere, precious, Presence, R2D2, raise, real, reality, recover, regret, Rejected, Rejection, relentless, Remember, resolution, rises, Samaritan, SENSATION, Sharing, shortbread, silverback, somebody, southport, Spirituality, square, stage, star, stats, Stemcell, Steve, StevenHawkins, StMichael, stories, strength, struggle, survived, survivor, swopshop, taught, teach, tennis, Thames, thankyou, there, time, today, together, Tohetehr, Tony hart, transplant, Transplanted, travel, tree, true, tvr, twitter, unite, unity, wars, WE, weakness, wealth, wealthy, what, white, who you are, will, win, Wordpress, working, Writing, yang, year, yes, yin, you, yourself

I read an article today on a site called Had cancer, talking about different ways that we feel sometimes years after having had chemotheropy. Some doctors say it does not exsist, (apparently) I have never had this exsperience with doctors myself but then I am quite a large person both physically and in personality. After reading the article I realised that maybe I could write about the very thing that frustrates me so much. So let me explain how it is for me as a cancer patient that like the person who wrote the article. I had cancer!

So for me when I was having chemo, even my first chemo (mine was very strong) it had to be I was at 4 a and in a bad way. Close to losing my life and riddled with cancer. Remember in previous blogs I have talked about chemo feeling like snakes in your head, it did. Sometimes your head even hurts as you remember stuff, but then your brain is a muscle. It has lots of connections in the brain that need to work in a certain way. Now I am not a doctor, but it makes sense to me that maybe the brain has been affected in a small way by the drugs pumped into my body. I do forget things where I didn’t before. So I have to write things down to remember them. Where as before I really never did I just remembered.

Trust me no cancer patient uses it as an excuse, after all who wants to forget? I look like a Pratt sometimes because I repeat myself, repeat myself. Seriously though it’s embarrassing.

  Picture by Fine acupuncture.com
People that have not had cancer will never understand how it affects a human being. How can they, we must excuse their ignorance in not trying to even understand. I have been insulted, even misjudged by people close to me. I have to realise it’s not something they will understand unless they try to. Walking around pointing the finger at someone suffering does not help anyone.

Chemo brain can last for years so if it’s you, know it’s a possible normal for you. It’s frustrating because people may get annoyed at you, no one will understand unless they have researched what you maybe feeling. It does not mean we have lost our intelligence. It means we have been affected by chemothearopy, our memories may not be up to scratch but it does not mean we are inadequate. Far from it, chemo brain is real. But the fact is that chemo brain is much more frustrating for the person with it than it is for the person communicating with that person. Have a great day and know that your not alone, there are I suspect many that will read this and realise that it’s normal and even feel a bit better about it. Because others feel what they do.

Have a good weekend

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

Do u listen to understand or listen to reply.

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Do you know the differance? Ok well here is my take on it. If your a friend to someone you will listen to understand what they are going through or facing. If you listen to reply, you are more interested in what your opinion is than helping the person to deal with the problem they are telling you about. God, if you believe there is a God ( I do). When he made us made us with 2 ears and one mouth, interesting don’t you think?  Does that not mean we should listen more than we speak, sounds  daft as I write this as I love speaking, but I also love to solution stuff. The only way we can solution is by listening, I love coming up with answers to situations. But hate jigsaws.

For a long time in my life I thought that people wanted to hear my opinion, when in fact the person that really wanted to hear my opinion was Me. I was a selfish person in some ways, even though my motive may have been good the result of my motive was to reply with my opinion. 

  
I have realised that by listening your learning, and when your speaking you are not learning anything at all. It’s a skill to listen and one I am working on everyday, as I endeavour to complete my challenge of blogging everyday for a whole year. 365 days. I am busy learning to as I get feedback from people, people that care, some are surprised that I am nearly 3/4 of the way through and still am doing what I said I would do. I know it’s helping people be use people are telling me and I am listening. Using the skill I am honing to listen to other people to understand as opposed to reply. 

  
Listening to understand not only gives us more knowledge but also it helps us to understand people and their situations. Which I turn gives us experience. The one thing about exsperience is you can’t buy it, you can buy someone to tell us from their exsperience, but if we want to have exsperience we have no choice but to listen and learn from someone else.  Because that’s what listening to understand does. It gives us the exsperience that we can call on in another situation in the future. We may be able to recall what we have learnt and help us in our very own situation. This may mean nothing to you, you may think you know what I am saying and don’t need to hear it. If that’s the case then you will not learn anything.

Have a great Friday,

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
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It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

Steve job (his final words)

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This is what one of the richest men ever to become wealthy thought of life. Some of the things I have been saying in my blogs… This writing may not be exact, some think incorrect. I just think the words are perfect and for all mankind!

Steve Jobs’ Last Words –
I reached the pinnacle of success in the business world.

In others’ eyes, my life is an epitome of success.
However, aside from work, I have little joy. In the end, wealth is only a fact of life that I am accustomed to.
At this moment, lying on the sick bed and recalling my whole life, I realize that all the recognition and wealth that I took so much pride in, have paled and become meaningless in the face of impending death.
In the darkness, I look at the green lights from the life supporting machines and hear the humming mechanical sounds, I can feel the breath of god of death drawing closer…
Now I know, when we have accumulated sufficient wealth to last our lifetime, we should pursue other matters that are unrelated to wealth…

Should be something that is more important:
Perhaps relationships, perhaps art, perhaps a dream from younger days …

Non-stop pursuing of wealth will only turn a person into a twisted being, just like me.
God gave us the senses to let us feel the love in everyone’s heart, not the illusions brought about by wealth.
The wealth I have won in my life I cannot bring with me.

What I can bring is only the memories precipitated by love.

That’s the true riches which will follow you, accompany you, giving you strength and light to go on.
Love can travel a thousand miles. Life has no limit. Go where you want to go. Reach the height you want to reach. It is all in your heart and in your hands.

What is the most expensive bed in the world? – “Sick bed” …
You can employ someone to drive the car for you, make money for you but you cannot have someone to bear the sickness for you.

Material things lost can be found. But there is one thing that can never be found when it is lost – “Life”.
When a person goes into the operating room, he will realize that there is one book that he has yet to finish reading – “Book of Healthy Life”.
Whichever stage in life we are at right now, with time, we will face the day when the curtain comes down.
Treasure Love for your family, love for your spouse, love for your friends…
Treat yourself well. Cherish others.
  
Look after each other

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

If it’s meant to be, it WILL be.

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This is a must read, a true story that has touched my heart!
As I walked home one freezing day, I stumbled on a wallet someone had lost in the street. I picked it up and looked inside to find some identification so I could call the owner. But the wallet contained only three dollars and a crumpled letter that looked as if it had been in there for years.
The envelope was worn and the only thing that was legible on it was the return address. I started to open the letter, hoping to find some clue. Then I saw the dateline–1924. The letter had been written almost 60 years ago.
It was written in a beautiful feminine handwriting on powder blue stationery with a little flower in the left-hand corner. It was a “Dear John” letter that told the recipient, whose name appeared to be Michael, that the writer could not see him anymore because her mother forbade it. Even so, she wrote that she would always love him.
It was signed, Hannah.
It was a beautiful letter, but there was no way except for the name Michael, that the owner could be identified. Maybe if I called information, the operator could find a phone listing for the address on the envelope.
“Operator,” I began, “this is an unusual request. I’m trying to find the owner of a wallet that I found. Is there anyway you can tell me if there is a phone number for an address that was on an envelope in the wallet?”
She suggested I speak with her supervisor, who hesitated for a moment then said, “Well, there is a phone listing at that address, but I can’t give you the number.” She said, as a courtesy, she would call that number, explain my story and would ask them if they wanted her to connect me.
I waited a few minutes and then she was back on the line. “I have a party who will speak with you.”
I asked the woman on the other end of the line if she knew anyone by the name of Hannah. She gasped, “Oh! We bought this house from a family who had a daughter named Hannah. But that was 30 years ago!”
“Would you know where that family could be located now?” I asked.
“I remember that Hannah had to place her mother in a nursing home some years ago,” the woman said. “Maybe if you got in touch with them they might be able to track down the daughter.”
She gave me the name of the nursing home and I called the number. They told me the old lady had passed away some years ago but they did have a phone number for where they thought the daughter might be living.
I thanked them and phoned. The woman who answered explained that Hannah herself was now living in a nursing home.
This whole thing was stupid, I thought to myself. Why was I making such a big deal over finding the owner of a wallet that had only three dollars and a letter that was almost 60 years old?
Nevertheless, I called the nursing home in which Hannah was supposed to be living and the man who answered the phone told me, “Yes, Hannah is staying with us.”
Even though it was already 10 p.m., I asked if I could come by to see her. “Well,” he said hesitatingly, “if you want to take a chance, she might be in the day room watching television.”
I thanked him and drove over to the nursing home. The night nurse and a guard greeted me at the door. We went up to the third floor of the large building. In the day room, the nurse introduced me to Hannah.
She was a sweet, silver-haired oldtimer with a warm smile and a twinkle in her eye. I told her about finding the wallet and showed her the letter. The second she saw the powder blue envelope with that little flower on the left, she took a deep breath and said, “Young man, this letter was the last contact I ever had with Michael.”
She looked away for a moment deep in thought and then said softly, “I loved him very much. But I was only 16 at the time and my mother felt I was too young. Oh, he was so handsome. He looked like Sean Connery, the actor.”
“Yes,” she continued. “Michael Goldstein was a wonderful person. If you should find him, tell him I think of him often. And,” she hesitated for a moment, almost biting her lip, “tell him I still love him. You know,” she said smiling as tears began to well up in her eyes, “I never did marry. I guess no one ever matched up to Michael…”
I thanked Hannah and said goodbye. I took the elevator to the first floor and as I stood by the door, the guard there asked, “Was the old lady able to help you?”
I told him she had given me a lead. “At least I have a last name. But I think I’ll let it go for a while. I spent almost the whole day trying to find the owner of this wallet.”
I had taken out the wallet, which was a simple brown leather case with red lacing on the side. When the guard saw it, he said, “Hey, wait a minute! That’s Mr. Goldstein’s wallet. I’d know it anywhere with that bright red lacing. He’s always losing that wallet. I must have found it in the halls at least three times.”
“Who’s Mr. Goldstein?” I asked as my hand began to shake.
“He’s one of the oldtimers on the 8th floor. That’s Mike Goldstein’s wallet for sure. He must have lost it on one of his walks.” I thanked the guard and quickly ran back to the nurse’s office. I told her what the guard had said. We went back to the elevator and got on. I prayed that Mr. Goldstein would be up.
On the eighth floor, the floor nurse said, “I think he’s still in the day room. He likes to read at night. He’s a darling old man.”
We went to the only room that had any lights on and there was a man reading a book. The nurse went over to him and asked if he had lost his wallet. Mr. Goldstein looked up with surprise, put his hand in his back pocket and said, “Oh, it is missing!”
“This kind gentleman found a wallet and we wondered if it could be yours?”
I handed Mr. Goldstein the wallet and the second he saw it, he smiled with relief and said, “Yes, that’s it! It must have dropped out of my pocket this afternoon. I want to give you a reward.”
“No, thank you,” I said. “But I have to tell you something. I read the letter in the hope of finding out who owned the wallet.”
The smile on his face suddenly disappeared. “You read that letter?”
“Not only did I read it, I think I know where Hannah is.”
He suddenly grew pale. “Hannah? You know where she is? How is she? Is she still as pretty as she was? Please, please tell me,” he begged.
“She’s fine…just as pretty as when you knew her.” I said softly.
The old man smiled with anticipation and asked, “Could you tell me where she is? I want to call her tomorrow.” He grabbed my hand and said, “You know something, Mister? I was so in love with that girl that when that letter came, my life literally ended. I never married. I guess I’ve always loved her.”
“Mr. Goldstein,” I said, “Come with me.”
We took the elevator down to the third floor. The hallways were darkened and only one or two little night-lights lit our way to the day room where Hannah was sitting alone watching the television. The nurse walked over to her.
“Hannah,” she said softly, pointing to Michael, who was waiting with me in the doorway. “Do you know this man?”
She adjusted her glasses, looked for a moment, but didn’t say a word. Michael said softly, almost in a whisper, “Hannah, it’s Michael. Do you remember me?”
She gasped, “Michael! I don’t believe it! Michael! It’s you! My Michael!” He walked slowly towards her and they embraced. The nurse and I left with tears streaming down our faces.
“See,” I said. “See how the Good Lord works! If it’s meant to be, it will be.”
About three weeks later I got a call at my office from the nursing home. “Can you break away on Sunday to attend a wedding? Michael and Hannah are going to tie the knot!”
It was a beautiful wedding with all the people at the nursing home dressed up to join in the celebration. Hannah wore a light beige dress and looked beautiful. Michael wore a dark blue suit and stood tall. They made me their best man.
The hospital gave them their own room and if you ever wanted to see a 76-year-old bride and a 79-year-old groom acting like two teenagers, you had to see this couple.
A perfect ending for a love affair that had lasted nearly 60 years.