Erase run out

Tags

attitude, awareness, cancer, destiny, encouragement, family, friends, GOD, health, hope, strength, struggle, tvr, weakness

Strange start to a blog you may think. Well there is quite a story to it. When I was having my Bone marrow transplant in hospital, I could see the sea; from the big window I was able to see the city and New Brighton beach, where we went today. I even saw the ships that met up at the Mersey from my window. It looked out to New Brighton. A place I had never been or wanted to go to, until the time spent in that room. Me and my wife had to drive to Liverpool many many times and there were until today a lot of bad memories associated with the journey to Liverpool from where we live, and even shed a tear most times we had to take the drive. I wanted to erase the memories somehow so sometime ago me and my wife visited New Brighton, and while it was lovely to go with my wife and dogs, it never erased the memories because I did not have anything different to look at outside the car. So I came up with a plan and called it (in my mind) “The Erase Run”.

My plan was to erase the bad memories by making new ones. Knowing I had been in some very dark places, and that so much of the journey to New Brighton would be so symbolic of the whole journey.

Nearly 10 years ago we went to a TVR meet in Wrightington and sat next to some lovely people. They said they looked forward to meeting me again when I had finished my treatment. Little did I know that that day was today! Nearly 10 years later or maybe a bit less, that we were to meet again.

The “White elephant”; there has to be a blog written about that car in the future, by me that is. What a car! That was the car the couple were working to bring back to life. Hearing that car in the Wallasey tunnel was memorable and then later Mr H’s T 350 Banging and popping in the tunnel. I wonder what it looked like behind with those 4 cars flanking the tunnel.

As we drove the roads became driven on less frequently and the memories of the many trips up that road to the Royal Liverpool started to come back. I even shed a tear as we turned off the main road where I would normally continue to the hospital but veered off to the tunnel turn off. Every mile we were making new memories in the tapestry of life and I felt the bad memories were being over written by new LOUD ones. I am obsessed with V8 engines; something you can’t get from all car followings.

My passion for big engines, goes back a long way. Even as a young man I saw a car the same as mine go past on the motorway and remember it as though it was yesterday; igniting my passion for TVRs. We all have a passion and TVRs are mine. Well actually more than that, the sound of a big V8 I find unrivalled

We drove through to the sea and after a great breakfast in Costa Coffee, Howie was insistent we go and see the sea. The cranes I saw from my window were there, yet I felt the whole morning had just removed some pretty horrible memories and overwritten them with new ones. It’s funny because it was a different perspective completely. I could see where we walk the dogs. Crosby where the iron men are, even the tip as Formby starts where we have been so often. It really does depend on the angle you look at things as to how you see things and while I have never been able to remove the bad memories and have had so many nightmares about the whole process, I really do feel it’s now time to move away. Walk away and roar away from the whole thing. But is it? Has not the whole process made me who I am today?

The point of this blog, is I decided to have treatment; to make myself better and that choice has encouraged and helped people all over the world. Although the memories hurt, if I had not made that decision to get well, then and only then could that investment of time and healing and pain bring me to the day I had today. No way would today have meant so much if I had just chosen not to get the life saving treatment that I chose.

Trust me it’s far better to choose to help yourself, than to be the same today as you were last week. Only you can make the choice to be a better you and while it’s 5 years on since that treatment was given to me, it’s still affected me and others due to that decision. Not every decision you make will be painless and for sure there has been hurt, pain, anxiety and pure dogged determination. Whilst I still don’t know who I want to be, I do know I want to help people in their lives moving forwards.

You have the power to bless people, and all you have to do is to take a step forwards. Believe you will improve and be a better you than you were!

You are more than what you have become! Keep moving forwards; you never know who you will bless and who you will help in your life if you choose to make a better you. Of course with Gods help we can affect peoples lives with the love that comes only from our Father.

You have your destiny in your hands, you have the ability to bless people and you have an opportunity to do that every day.

Be a blessing!

Will you? Because if you choose to be the better you you can always make new memories in the future. its in your hands. But i hope you choose the pain if you come out the other side of that tunnel a better person. No one said it will be easy. To be honest the saying “No pain no gain” is so true. bless you each and every one for being there in the tunnel and remember there will always be light if you keep on going.

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Instagram @dogrupher

@fonzymark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Everything you read, are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. People share

with others, if it meant something to you, it will to some

one else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own taken whilst creating memories every day.

You could change a life by sharing this post!

Will you?

It’s good to talk!

Tags

attitude, awareness, black, cancer, encouragement, F1, faith, family, health, kravitz, racism, strength, Ted, transplant, tvr, weakness

Good day to you, it’s July 4th today; Independence day in the US. If that’s you. Happy Independence Day! July 4th in the UK will be the day remembered that pubs were allowed to open in the UK during the Covid-19 pandemic.

One thing that’s taken some getting used to for me, writing posts like Its ok to not be ok, is talking about mental health. I am fortunate to have friends that accept me for who I am and don’t want to change me. It makes me feel safe to talk about my feelings. I am learning everyday that we are all not talking about things and recently I have decided to talk and indeed have talked to people I feel I can trust. I am surprised to find that one of my friends said such a poignant sentence to me. He does that, and it’s a real privilege to have him in my close circle of friends. He says things that are meaningful and honest. I can’t stand folk that speak with small amounts of knowledge. It’s far better to speak from experience than to think you know the answer. No one can take away your experiences! They are yours and yours alone.

“I prefer to listen to someone’s problems, than attend their funeral!”

Wow it was a light bulb moment. I spend my days encouraging people and loving them through their struggles. I spend time talking and being open and honest and being real. Even though I do this I understand that it’s really important to take time to yourself as well. So you can be the best you that you can be. Being effective is about looking after yourself as well as others.

YOU CAN is a powerful thing to say to anyone. It’s amazing the power you have as a human to help someone; or put them down with anything you say to them. I have people contact me from all types of backgrounds. Politicians, pundits; F1 Ted Kravitz has sent some encouraging words, as has Mark Blundell. You never know who you will affect in your life if you choose to say nothing. There are some wonderful people out there in the world. Yet yesterday was one of the worst of my life to date.

You see sometimes the way we feel is not us, it can be chemically induced, and affects your mind and some days all we can do is hold on. Just that holding on can be draining and tiresome. Yet holding on can be courageous and so much more is required to hold on than to let go. To achieve anything you have to hold on, you have to believe the storm will pass. You have to keep your head up and press on. My brother is good at this.

There is another thing the wisest man I know said to me yesterday. That storms are useful! In the bible story, where Jesus was asleep in the boat, to find the disciples waking him in a panic believing the storm would sink the boat. But Jesus put his hands out and stilled the water.

The wise man said to me after I said “These are huge waves I am riding dad” His response was

“Waves carry you forwards!”

So so true! I am not writing this to tell on all the people that help me in my life. I am attempting to encourage you, that talking is so much better than saying nothing. Us men are so proud yet you would be surprised at how many people; who have seemingly normal lives have things going on with them, that they are finding tough. Yet YOU! Yes you! Can have a positive influence on peoples lives. If you talk. If you say nothing, then how can you learn? How can you help someone. It’s only possible if we communicate with other people.

Some people hide what they feel and keep it inside and never have an effect on anyone’s life. Is that how you want to live? To only ever get from the world and never even use a wave you have ridden to affect someone in a positive way. In most of my writings I talk about how negatives need to exist so that there can be a positive. All of your experiences can be used for good if you let them. Hey no seriously I mean it ALL of them. Heck if I had not had such a bad day yesterday this post would not even exist.

“You can’t taste how sweet the sweet is, without tasting the sour!”

One sentence I said as a boy or should I say ‘prayed’ was “God I know why you made the blackberries but I don’t understand why you made the prickles. You are here to find out what this world is all about. During my cancer journey I have had to take many many drugs. Codeine, Tramadol, Gabapentin, Amitriptyline, and the one I am currently doing my best to come off of. HEROIN!! Disguised as Oxycodone!!! It messes you up when you withdraw as I am right now. Yet even as I withdraw, I am finding purity in life. In friendships, marriage, being a son. It’s all there for us all if we look.

Even being a child of God is hard sometimes. Being loving is hard sometimes. Being lonely is hard sometimes. Being positive is hard sometimes. Just hanging on is hard sometimes. But what ever you do in this life make sure that you are honest and talk to your friends. Make new ones and don’t be afraid to be yourself; people will respect you and most importantly you will be accepted for you.

Listen I have lived a fake life, been someone I am not and tried to present a me that was fake. People know! They pick up on it and they won’t be real with you either and what you get from the world will just be fake THINGS! Don’t get me wrong it’s ok to have things, as long as they don’t change who you are. My car makes me smile when I need a smile putting on my face. The people that talk to you about what they own rather than sharing what they have learnt, have not learnt what true freedom from within is all about. I want people to look back on my life and see me as an inspiration. That people that are going through something tough will read some of my writings, and feel that they can move forwards when they felt they were unable. To help people look for the positives where it seems there is none. That there is a purpose in what you’re facing right now. That only you can do what you are doing and only you can be who you are!

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Instagram @dogrupher

@fonzymark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Everything you read, are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. People share

with others, if it meant something to you, it will to some

one else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own taken whilst creating memories every day.

You could change a life by sharing this post!

Will you?

Copyright ©2020

Thomas cook goes under the day of our departure!

Tags

Compassion, GOD, hospital, immunise, memories, weakness

Been a crazy couple of days! You read on the news that our airline Thomas cook is in need of funds and can’t afford to operate! Crazy in this day and age after all the 170 years experience that the company could not be saved. It’s really bothered me as to why. I have flown Thomas cook on a lot of occasions and have met some wonderful people along the way. Including fundraising for a lovely female stewardess who lost her life to the very disease I was also fighting! I can’t fathom why some people survive and others die. But what I do know is that life is precious. While going through the whole process of getting another flight or flights in our case as we are having to go to Istanbul on our way to Bodrum for our lads holiday.

I was watching other passengers and how stressed some were getting yet is it not just amazing to be alive and be able. Just that to be able! That’s a gift isn’t it to be able to do anything at all.

I had the opportunity to talk to someone who was clearly upset about his children’s behaviour and explained to him that it’s not what’s going on around that’s the issue. It’s how we think about it that truly matters. How we perceive things in life can actually turn things around for good.

Isn’t it our minds and how we perceive what’s going on around us that makes things easier to handle.

We have gone for weeks looking forwards to going away with the boys. Then 24 hrs before the plane takes off we learn the news that Thomas cook has crumbled! I find this hard to comprehend being that there is so so much that could have been done. Is it then not down to the massive payouts that people have had in their roles? Is it greed? Or could it be something unforeseen. I don’t think so, they have been trying to find a solution for 3 years sadly unsuccessfully.

It saddens me the amount of people that are now out of work due to this my friend Mathew cross is out of work. A wonderful steward supervisor that I became friends with and helped raise money fore his friend that v v sadly died weeks later. We can’t change what happens to others in most cases. But we can change ourselves and our own way of dealing with things. A lady behind me has been banging my chair attempting to get a reaction on the flight home. But my perspective is that she is unable to make me snap as it’s nowhere near as bad as being in the room having a transplant.

The day we departed Janette and Rita from Global travel in Bamber bridge sorted out so many things for us. You could say it’s a pain making a 11 hr journey into a 15hr one and changing 2 planes. No we are grateful that these people thought highly enough of us that we were still able to get some sun.

It’s the people that consider others that matter most. Or is it? That’s for you to make your mind up. But I choose to bless people where ever possible and you can too.

You all know I have had cancer and rely on tablets. I want to be free from them in Jesus name but maybe there are still some lessons for me to learn. It’s v v hard having a panic attack and feeling so scared in a room on your own. Due to us travelling I forgot to take my tablets! I start to feel ill after 10hrs that happens after 10hs of taking my pain killer everyday. Missing a second and then a third and then a second amtryptalyn ! Life gets very strange and leads to Panicking and wanting so so much to come home. Anyone else get that? Finding the courage to ring someone you think would care but being told to ring my wife! I cry out to the lord and ask God to help me. Then out of the blue I get a text reminding me of life and love and miriacles. That was my friend Gareth a Godly man. I was soon bk on track and my fear subsided.

I learnt from that. That if people are listening to the still small voice of our farther then it matters not where you are. I spent a lot of the rest of the holiday topping up my faith while others burnt their bodies.

I was able to pray with someone on the boat trip but that’s a whole nother post.

The point is, when things seem bad change your perspective rather than trying to change what’s not possible. All things are

Possible through Jesus. Even the closest people to you will let you down. But then some folk can’t walk in the spirit.

I also believe that prayer without actions is an excuse to do nothing! The bible says “faith without works is dead” there is no point praying and then doing nothing! Is there?

Thank you Jesus for loving us so much that we live in forgiveness. Amazing that Jesus died that we maybe forgiven. Sin is sin and God hates the sin NOT the sinner. You are loved by Jesus and that will not change.

My prayer is that all the Thomas cook people find new jobs and find happiness in their new roles. God bless you all!

Mark

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Instagram @dogrupher

@fonzymark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Everything you read, are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. People share

with others, if it meant something to you, it will to some

one else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own taken whilst creating memories every day.

You could change a life by sharing this post!

Will you?

Copyright ©2019

Holding onto life, what it’s like.

Tags

attitude, Christian, dealing with cancer, faith, help, hope, life, love, memories, mental health, struggle, survived, transplant, weakness

Sometimes ya gotta put it out there to encourage folk. So here ya go for an encouraging post.

Just gonna be honest!

I don’t know how I am still alive, I have battled with my mental health for some years. I had thought of suicide many many times. Thoughts of failure, and that even breath is wasted on me. Not many people have been there for me in this state, but there have been a few. Thank you to you. You don’t know how close to the edge I have been living. Thank God for my wife dogs parents and a few really good friends.

The pain caused by chemo was the worst! 7 years I lived with it before I was able to muster up enough faith to believe I would be healed. Try as I might I am unable to remember what that pain felt like. Yet, it was the worst pain I had even known in the whole of my life! Pains debilitating and takes your focus away from what truly matters. I have been fat and felt so so low at times I spent hours in tears! Seriously you have no idea what life has been like.

Even therapy didn’t help me, most certainly when a school friend who knew me well committed suicide I felt life could not be lived in my body anymore either and even gave me the strength to feel it was my way out also. I had talked that same man down off a bridge 20 yrs earlier and I kinda felt comfort that he had lived those years because I was there for him in the middle of the night. R.I.P. Si!

Other people have passed recently including my uncle of (yes you guessed it) cancer! How can a man hold onto his faith when faced with so much. I did!

Running my cancer group has been so so hard encouraging people facing losing their life, and actually loosing people you helped in their cancer fight. That has been very difficult also. Then there have been the people that have made life harder by talking about me not working behind my back! Knowing where that came from made me loose faith, people stopped coming to see me, I guess because it’s so hard to always be positive for someone. Yet the positivity folk did show helped me carry on. I have held onto my dog faith so so many times while she licked the tears from my face!

You have to hold on to what ever it is that helps you through! For me it’s been my faith my wife, my parents, close friends and my dogs! It does not matter what helps you but hold onto it as tight as you can. That brings me to this blog and how much it’s helped me to write things down. That writing has almost been my own defiance to not give in just yet. Recently my focus has been on getting things done around the house, like the massive amount of wood I had ready for cutting up. I have just been in to much pain to bear it. That too was depressing.

Looking back now I have been in a horrendous period of depression. I trained myself in the mirror to not show how I felt. To smile even when things were against me. The hardest part in all of this has been holding my head up and maintaining my decency, my hope, and my faith. Yet I believe in it all God has had his hand on my life! You see if you just have faith, it’s not enough. That’s like having a ship on the sea out of the harbour. How can you have faith if that faith you have is not anchored to hope. If you make hope your anchor to faith you will carry on.

This morning I got up at 4.50am because I so wanted to be out in the world and see the sun rise. I was disappointed this morning but Saturdays sunrise was awesome so I had seen it but ya can’t be greedy in life can you. My girls enjoyed the beach.

So my message to you today, yes you. Is to say. Hold on, keep on keeping on. Grip hard to what you know makes sense. Never let go of your hope even through your tears hold on to your hope, that is the anchor to your faith! That lion king moment comes to mind. “You are more than what you have become” you are only being told you can’t because you can. I was nearly a 42″ waist it’s taken an amazing amount of determination to get into my 36″ Levi’s. But I want you to know, if I can, you can.

God bless you all

Life’s worth living!

Mark

PS You won’t achieve anything if you don’t set foot on the journey. I could not tie my laces I was that fat. I can now.

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Instagram
@fonzymark
Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Everything you read, are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. People share
with others, if it meant something to you, it will to some
one else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own taken whilst creating memories every day.

You could change a life by sharing this post!
Will you?
Copyright ©2019

Life and death.

Tags

encouragement, faith, friends, health, hope, love, loved, Peace, weakness

Over the last few days I have been breaking my heart, the loss of my friend from my school days has really ripped into me. So I have had to go through a process of elimination. To take each step as I find it, yet realising such a hard lesson. That friendships (some at least) were never meant to be permanent. It is indeed right to compare this to a tree.

Our Damson tree

During my journey through life, I have expected to much from people due to my willingness to give so much. Yet I find in this time of deep sadness at a friend from schools death. That I have wasted so much time being disappointed! It’s my fault I have been this way. I expected to much of those around me.

Taken from Simons Facebook.

I have said many times. “That if you have more than 5 true friends it’s to many.”

Take a tree. We will use the tree as an example of people in our lives. That some people we meet are like leaves, that it’s beautiful to see them. But they are there for a purpose (maybe bear fruit) and a short time. The time could be as long as 6 months but one day you won’t even see them again. A gust of wind will come and their life will take a new direction and they will actually be “gone with the wind”

Others are part of the tree but through periods of no rain.(not seeing each other) the twigs break off and carried away by some way that may not be nature. Maybe a dog picks it up and moves it somewhere else. Not everything will go the way we want it to. Because there are to many things outside of our control. People move and you lose touch. Yet you remember them with such fondness. As you get older you know more people, and of course more people will have come in and out of your life.

My wife always says, “it’s the people who are prepared to push the limo when it’s out of fuel that are true friends” even some people at work we find out are actually real friends.

One of my true friends is without doubt a root that holds your tree in the ground. There will not be a time when we lose that. Your parents and siblings should be those roots and your faith should be the tap root. The strongest root of all.

My mistakes in life, are always that I expected to much of people, disappointment and low feelings of upset and of loss of joy.

Jesus said “I am the way, the truth and the life” but that’s not correct on it’s own. The next part reads “No one comes to the father except through me” things are great to have, and I have enjoyed things a lot in my life. Experiences, home, love, and patience. Yet I have wondered in my life, why people don’t do what they say they will. Because it’s something I do my best to do.

Well let me start again, to move forwards with no expectations rather that than the disappointment I have had all of my life. If in life your expectations are exceeded, surly that is kinder on yourself than expecting more than you were ready for. We are all growing and just because someone grows apart, or in a different way, or even place. That does not mean it should or could be hurtful. It comes back again to our own perspectives then doesn’t it surely.

Love what you have right now, but don’t expect something or someone to be in your future because that may not be in the master plan.

I remember going and watching Oasis at Heaton Park in Manchester. Wow what an amazing experience that was. Yet I can’t stand the group. My wife made a sign, her mum Norma died at age 63. We sent the sign forwards as she grew up on the same estate as the oasis brothers did. The sign read.

“Norma would have been here, but it was not a part of the Master plan”

So my friend, thanks for all the times we shared. Thanks for the love you gave in your life that you chose to end. I won’t forget you. After all you were the first to say hi by that tuck shop. Brigsy. You never truly found peace, you always were looking for something else. But what you looked for always shined, people that were fun. Yet now it’s time to say goodbye. but knowing that now for sure you have found peace. You can rest now Si.

See you soon Brigsy! but not yet.

Fonzy

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Instagram

@fonzymark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Everything you read, are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. People share

with others, if it meant something to you, it will to some

one

else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own taken whilst creating memories every day.

You could change a life by sharing this post! Will you?

Copyright ©2018

Why ya gotta owe something, to get something.

Tags

awareness, encouragement, faith, friends, given, happiness, hope, meaning, owe, partner, stories, together, weakness

It’s how people see things that are not saved, they think that if someone gives to them that they must owe them something. Wow that sentence hit home for me, because I like to give yet I receive aswell. It’s a hard lesson for someone that’s a giver to receive graciously. For sure I have made many mistakes in my life, some catastofic. (Spelling I would like to say is catastrofic but I can’t spell it.)

No ones perfect! But yet a really valuable lesson is to learn that to be given to is as beautiful as the person receiving something from you. Yet we hope the person would receive the gift and accept you want nothing in return. I have learnt in life that people want to give to me and I take away that pleasure for them sometimes. I love the feeling I get when I give to someone and even a small thing can mean so much to someone.

There begins the line from another Rocky movie

Que Rocky Balboa accent!

“Friends don’t owe, friends do because they wanna do”

Those nurses saved my life, didn’t they? Or was it the whole thing, the transplant, my faith, my friends? Or was it not the giving of all the people that were in the whole process. I digress.

The point is that giving in its self is a gift, that humility in being given to and allowing that person the beauty of the feeling we all get when we give. I believe that it’s as important as giving itself. It’s for sure something I am learning and stepping forwards to get better at it. You know I still don’t think many people get why I blog and get nothing for it. I see people going to work and earning while I blog to encourage others yet for no reward. Every time I pick up this I pad I want to use it to help people. So am I actually one of the people that feel like I owe, because the treatment saved my life? Well the answer is possibly a bit, but that’s only because I want people who are going to face what i did, gain from my experience possibly. That’s why I give.

We are all blessed in our own way, maybe although I don’t reread what I have written out loud very well (so I am told) but I am able to a small degree at least. Help people to find the strength to carry on, to find a way when they feel there is no way. To articulate what’s happened in my life to encourage other people. You can’t do much when your isolated so I did what I could do with what I had in my hands.

My friends I must conclude by saying, if someone wants to give to you. Allow them to feel good about it, allow them yo enjoy their giving. But also if you want to give don’t be afraid of rejection, be happy you are able or in the position to give. Don’t take people for granted, recognise the good things about them. But most of all. You ain’t gotta owe someone, to give something to someone.

Positivity changes lives.

Tags

cancer, Christian, desire, encouragement, friends, GOD, Hodgkins, hope, Liverpool, Lord'sPrayer, love, marrow, memories, Peace, southport, survivor, weakness

I did a bit of a test yesterday, I was feeling low and I have to say depressed. I was sat at the table and almost felt there was no point to life. Yet, I have done things for people that have lifted their spirits yet mine were low, I was really down and was punishing myself for not being an,e to do things. That my wife is now the bread winner in our house because of cancer, I was low that my energy levels are still low, my pain is still high. All those things got a hold of me.

Then out of the blue my friend sent me a link, it was about hope and that if you let go of hope then what are you anchored to? Something else perhaps like fear, or helplessness. Self pity, anger. The bible teaches us that perfect love casts out all fear. That fear is a product of our own making. Then I started to realise that even if I didn’t have faith, I had named my dog Faith. Knowing that even if someone was looking after our baby that they to, while they had her would also have faith. I started to think about all the good things I had and the top two were Faith and hope. You can have no money, no possessions and yet still be blessed with Faith and hope.

So you all know I can’t have children or so I am told by the doctors, yet I always look around the house to child proof it for when we do have children. I have hope.

Faith is the substance of things hoped for. Heb 11-1

Now those of you that know me well, will know that when I beat cancer the first time that I bought a lab. We called her faith because I believed I would beat it, I hoped that it would be gone and I believed it would be gone. I want to go back to when I was 4 years old. My parents were poor and they could not afford a bike for me, they told me that if I hoped for a bike then I should pray for a bike and ask God for a bike. My hope for a bike was so much greater than my parents knew, that night I believed I would get a bike and told God I would like a red one please. Every night I prayed, and asked God for a red one. Then one day, someone told us about a bike my dad picked it up and I still remember seeing my red bike with solid tyres by the gorse bush in the back garden lent up against the outside toilet. You see to have faith you need hope.

I had hope I would beat cancer, which gave me faith. Which was the name of our dog. So effectively we always had faith, and we say her name everyday. Yet even with faith I still had to hear those words again. “You have cancer” yes that’s right a second time it came but this time things would be much worse. I would have to have a Bone marrow transplant.

I have to say my faith took a hit and I did become very low exhausted and felt ripped off somehow. Yet still in the back of my mind I had hope, hope that I would win. I started this blog and wrote as my first post.

“I am Mark a cancer fighter, and I will win”

I had hope, and after my treatment was finished I had a fertility test that told me I was infertile and would never have children. We would never get to call our daughter Lily over to us, never get to hold our baby and nurture him or her. If we had a boy he would be called Harry. So we chose a different path and faith had puppies and we kept one. We spent 7 weeks nurturing those pups, letting them go one after the other.

Barney,

Reggie,

Hope,

Bonnie,

Trevor,

They all had their own little personalities and for sure made friendships in the box. If you want to see more of the antics in the box we used #BigPuppyBox

We kept one of the puppies and the one we kept we named Hope, although my wife did change her name to Lily Hope we have Faith and hope in our home and believe it’s a special way to live.

What ever happens in your life, never let go of hope because things hoped for is the substance of faith. With faith in what we don’t understand we can rise above our circumstances.

So yesterday I wrote a positive post. I wrote that I had beaten cancer and that I was 2 1/2 years out of transplant and that if I could you could. I stayed anchored to hope but I chose to do that. We now have a 9 month old puppy called Lily Hope, now we always have hope. But you can have hope also, you just have to chose it over fear. Because does not have a positive ending where even in the darkness hope can bring light and help you have faith that you will win.

What ever you choose I hope, you choose faith. Because that’s where a new beginning starts. Here is a picture of Faith and Hope as I write.

My state of depression was lifted because I chose hope. What will you choose dear friends?

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Instagram

@fonzymark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others.

Everything you read are better based on my own experipence and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Pleapse share with others, if it meant something tou you it owill to someone

else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.

You could change a life by sharing this post! Will you?

Copyright ©2017

Your future, not your pain.

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awareness, cancer, Christian, destiny, Families, friends, GOD, Goodness, happiness, health, longevity, muscle, Peace, relentless, together, unity, weakness, Writing

Your future, not your pain.

WOOH! 

The reality of  the past 7 years and the realisation that what I was interested in doing. (Encouraging someone everyday) has been achieved. Nuts really how this has happened considering the pain that envelopes me on a daily basis. Success is doing what you say your going to do. Asking if I want a coffee in a morning if you know me is pointless. Making a coffee for me if you so wished, I don’t take milk and less than one teaspoon of sugar. The point of this post is to talk with you about doing, not considering it. Talking to me seems useless, but standing up and doing something means so much to me these days.  

You see when your faced with losing your own life, no really you do start to see. It’s only then that you become. Let me explain. Good people, give. They don’t say, hey can I, do you mind if I, please let me. Good people do, they don’t speak of what’s happened. They just do, possibly because they have learnt the same lessons as me. This next picture I took of one of my friends and it speaks so much of what’s going on in this world. That to enjoy what you can’t control, is so much more of a peaceful way to live. Yet, I so often allowed things outside of my control to affect me. I know as another friend reminded me yesterday that we are of course ALWAYS a work in progress. If we are only willing to allow ourselves to not be controlled by our surroundings. Rather to accept what others choose, and enjoy what they choose even if it’s not what we would have done. 

This picture although not me, says all I want to say to you really. That to let what’s around you be, and be comfortable with others choices. That no matter what is or has happened around you standing and doing what you feel is right is actually right for you. No other way is right. To stop talking and start doing is when you discover life in its true fullness.

I know I have spoken of sentences the bible says at times in my blog. But this is what I mean.

Jesus Predicts His Death

John 12 vs…23But Jesus replied, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. 24Truly, truly, I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a seed; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. 25Whoever loves his life will lose it, but whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.…

In other words, if you continue to hate the world you live in and live a life of turmoil it will always be that. But let go of those things and allow the world to be around you and not try to change them. I most certainly will continue to become a better person. To stop allowing things others do to not bother me as appossed to annoy me. That the journey of others is theirs nit mine. Whilst on holiday, a Dacia Duster driver was reversing. Seemingly directly into the car I was driving. 

 

My accepting the world photo.

Why can’t you just laugh knowing your a better driver than that, Sentance. Changed my perspective and as ever. If your not with a friend that loves you enough to not let you stay the way you are. Then the chances are your with people that are around you because they want something from you. People that love you will always challenge you. But then of course they will always accept you to. But love you to much to let you stay that way. 

That’s what the verse means, until you stop worrying about your souroundings. You will never enjoy what your surroundings are.

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Instagram

 @fonzymark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience) 

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 

Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Pleapse share with others, if it meant something tou you it owill to someone

 else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
You could change a life by sharing this post! Will you?

Copyright ©2017

Your a failure

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Your a failure

But is not failure a good thing? There are many ways in which failure can be a good thing, a potatoe when boiled fails to stay hard. An egg when boiled becomes hard turning it into a hard boiled egg and coffee beans become coffee that we drink instead of a bean. Failure is only a bad thing if we don’t learn from it, find the good in the situation that we are in. My ethos in life is. “It’s better to do something, than to do nothing.” Many things in our lives  feel like they are there to hinder us and not help us. Yet for sure if we looked a little closer we could see something different.

People tell me they are depressed, people say that life’s tough and that it’s impossible to move on. That no matter how hard they try it’s not possible or that life has made them weak. Sometimes becoming weak is exactly when we can thrive and become what we are supposed to be. The potatoe is useless to us if we are hungry, if it’s not boiled. The potatoe has to go through a process to become useful. 

I want you to know something today, I want YOU to know that what ever you have faced does not make you less useful. I want you to know that actually what you have faced has not made you a failure but it’s brought you to where you are today. Failure is not failure unless you don’t learn from it. You will only talk about someone’s failures when they are a success, because how will anyone become anything unless we have known failure. 

You still have the same value as before life supposedly made you depressed or you got cancer. Believe me if you screw up a £20note and throw it in the bin, it still retains the same value as it did before. What people say about you, what people do to you does not change the value of who you are. Last week I was told a man could not use the internet because he had only a phone. That it was to expensive for him to have a good phone. Yet I asked Facebook and someone donated a phone and a tablet to the 88 year old man. You will only achieve what ever it is that you restrict yourself to achieving. But this blog post is written to tell you, that it does not matter what people have done to tread on you or run you down. Your value is the same as it was before. What ever your situation.

I got cancer and had to look after myself, give up smoking and make some adjustments in my life to remain cancer free. I lived with cancer and did not push it away, I learned that cancer was a part of my life therefore it never took a hold of me and took me down. A friend said to me once, you act like you are successful. “I am” I said “I beat cancer” the world wants you to be in specific boxes to be or not to be. But I want you to know, you have value and you always did and always will. You will never ever know what the dots will be to join up in the future. You will only know what they were when you look back. Only then can you see why certain situations were what they were. Because without them you would not be who you are today.

I am divorced, but I am also married to the most wonderful lady in the world, who I would never of married if I had net gotten divorced. If life happens our way how we perceive it to happen, we will never achieve what’s possible. Because we only think of what we believe to be possible in the box we had made for us by life. 

My best friend on this planet has a thriving business, it thrives because he said yes to carrying on a lot. His vision was to make a little bit of extra money. Now a great deal of people benefit from his business, but that also involved a lot of other people to say yes also. To believe that they had value also. You are so much more than a job title, or the words written on your CV your actually part of someone’s future. A part they are not able to achieve without you in it. 

Look at what you are, not what you where and remember that the value someone else thinks you have is nothing to the value you actually have. The bad you maybe experiencing will lead to something good in the end. Believe me.

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience) 

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 

Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone

 else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
You could change a life by sharing this post! Will you?

Copyright ©2017

I know what it’s like to eat salty bacon with tears.

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awareness, bone, cancer, faith, Families, friends, Hodgkins, hope, life, love, partner, Peace, strength, survivor, transplant, weakness

I know what it’s like to eat salty bacon with tears.

I don’t know how many of you have just watched “Growing up with cancer” but I just did. Children that had the cancer i did, children that had to grow up with cancer and face things no child should. Well it took me back once again to that room where I had my stem cell transplant.  Kids are so resilient aren’t they, accepting of their situation and able to rationalise things and adapt. They seem to be able to deal with things quickly and efficiently. 

There was a young lad in the wards that became depressed and lost his appetite. He was unable to eat due to how he felt, he was angry and upset although he was uncertain of why he was so unhappy. Being depressed he was certain of. I know I was low and forced my family away from me, which is actually why I am writing this very post.  The family that wanted to be close to me I pushed away.  I did not allow them on the ward even though they could have really. I was so hung up on the word. Isolation. 

I wanted to give myself the best chance at beating cancer and living longer by not being around any germs what so ever. Well I want to put that right right now. Today should my wife’s dad be alive he would be 74. But cancer took him aged 59. I never knew him. But it’s made me realise I was wrong to be that way, that I should apologise to my family and say Sorry. Sorry for keeping you at arms length, and ask that you all forgive me.

Whilst in that room the chemo they give you, is so horrendous that you get hundreds of ulcers all the way through your body. They tell you that you are unable to eat, and that you would be better to have a nose tube to be fed through, and that exercise would be impossible. 

What I did in there I did for my family, I did what I thought I could to come through. I did press ups on the visiting chair that my wife used sometimes. I walked from the bed to the ensuite which was about 5 steps and back whilst having chemo moving all of the time and eating my breakfast not once but twice everyday. Sounds greedy right? Wrong. I would say eating bacon with ulcers in your mouth throat, intestines, all the way through to your bowl is not easy. You cry whilst eating making the bacon taste saltier. But every bite hurts like hell as it goes through your body making you not want to eat. Without doubt the easiest thing to do is to not eat, to choose nothing off the menu to sleep all day and not excercise. To give up. 

All I did in there I did for my family, and want to say sorry for not doing the things you wanted me to. It was wrong of me. 

To anyone that’s facing cancer or supporting anyone with cancer. What seems normal in life without cancer is most certainly not normal in a life during cancer. 

But I leave you with this, to do something is better than doing nothing, even if at the time it may seem like the wrong thing to do, it’s still better to do.
Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience) 

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. I

Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone

 else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
You could change a life by sharing this post! Will you?

Copyright ©2017

Family

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Family

Family does not have to be a place, it’s not something you get. Family is something you give, for many years I have missed the point till right now. No one owes me anything, no family member owes me. People that truly love don’t do it because they are a part of a family. They do it because they want to give NOT receive.. I personally know what it’s like to love someone, loving someone means you never remember what they owe you because they owe you nothing. If you think a friend owes you, then they are no friend. If you scroll through your phone and a person has not called you, that’s when you have to question if the traffic is one way.

I have this saying, that. If someone really wants to see you they will. It’s not your fault someone does not include you it’s their choice. One thing I have learnt of late is this one thing.

I have just bred a litter of pups, and at 16 weeks old our pup has just spent a week with her sister. They both have different personalities and the only time they truly love each other’s company is when they accept each other, warts n all.

 

Having dogs has also helped me to realise what true love is, and it most certainly is not what the dog can get from the other. It’s only when a dog accepts how another dog is and does not count the cost tat the love really starts..

we could learn a lot from dogs, but if nothing else what we should learn is. If someone has their hand out, the person they love is themselves. If the have their hand out yo help you up, their friendship is not just an action it’s a feeling. People love to receive or they give because they wanna give. What you have in your hand is nothing to what is given from your heart. Jesus paid the ultimate price to show us what love meant. Unserstand that, and you will have life.

 

enjoy your life with your hand out to help someone up, rather that a hand out to receive is when you will feel the true freedom of life.

Fonz

 

Not all days can be good days!

Tags

cancer, helpless, weakness, wellbeing

I have started writing tomorrows blog so many times tonight, but have been so upset that I could not carry on. Then I was reminded inadvertantly why I write. To tell you how it is, how my cancer journey is. Well the last 2 days have been full on even emotional. I am emotional now if I am honest, I keep having flash backs tonight of People stood over me careing, things people and more over children that had sent me messages. I keep getting flash backs of laughter, whilst having the dreaded and needed.

  
The expectations that people think cancer is just about the drugs, whilst I know I am not abnormal and this is a healing process it’s still hard to live through all the same. It’s hard for my wife to, who sometimes just is not the person I am able to talk to. We have different interests and I suppose that’s what makes it work, that we are different. Cancer is not just about treatment, it’s the effects, the tiredness, the weakness whilst being strong. Finding strength in weakness, well not for me. Not tonight, tonight is not a strong night.

So tonight I feel weak, I can’t feel like I am a silverback every night I guess. It’s impossible to be on top all the time. I am not going to continue tonight only to say, we are all human and bad days are inevitable. I just hope tomorrow’s today is much better. It’s normal to have a bad day.

Have a good week everyone

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

Love yourself.

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Throughout my life there have been many stages, but one lesson I would say is perhaps the hardest, or maybe took the longest. Was to learn to love myself, you see most people blame situations people, ( I was dealt a bad hand)  my friend says it like. The people in the pub that have a woulda coulda story – if only it was not for such and such. Well it’s all a load of rubbish. Absolute BS. Our future is in our hands but unfortunately, if we don’t live ourselves we will find life is so much harder than it would otherwise be should we be happy with who we are. We have to become that person that when the person who is looking back, your content with. I am not saying the full article because no human is ever the ful article in my opinion. We learn until the day we die if always want to improve ourselves. 

  
I personally want to better today than I was yesterday, I think they call it growing. Always learning and always becoming a better you. Let me put it this way, a house needs solid foundations to last. Without solid foundations there will be cracks in the plaster in time, bricks will move and the house will become unstable. Loving yourself is the foundation for everything we build on top of it, a relationship, the ability to live with your whole heart, holding down a good job, respect from others. No one will respect you if you don’t respect yourself.  

  
I found the right person to marry because I had found myself in travelling Australia, yup that’s what it took for me. It was not till I was 36 and a broken marriage behind me that I became truly happy with the reflection in my mirror. Very late in life I would say, but at least I got there in the end. Cancer has honed me, made me a better more rounded person enabling me to see life through the eyes of a disability. The disability being the disabling treatments that my cancer demanded. In your life you will have your own challenges, but what ever happens in your life love the person who you are before you build a life.

Have a great weekend

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

Chemo Brain.

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I read an article today on a site called Had cancer, talking about different ways that we feel sometimes years after having had chemotheropy. Some doctors say it does not exsist, (apparently) I have never had this exsperience with doctors myself but then I am quite a large person both physically and in personality. After reading the article I realised that maybe I could write about the very thing that frustrates me so much. So let me explain how it is for me as a cancer patient that like the person who wrote the article. I had cancer!

So for me when I was having chemo, even my first chemo (mine was very strong) it had to be I was at 4 a and in a bad way. Close to losing my life and riddled with cancer. Remember in previous blogs I have talked about chemo feeling like snakes in your head, it did. Sometimes your head even hurts as you remember stuff, but then your brain is a muscle. It has lots of connections in the brain that need to work in a certain way. Now I am not a doctor, but it makes sense to me that maybe the brain has been affected in a small way by the drugs pumped into my body. I do forget things where I didn’t before. So I have to write things down to remember them. Where as before I really never did I just remembered.

Trust me no cancer patient uses it as an excuse, after all who wants to forget? I look like a Pratt sometimes because I repeat myself, repeat myself. Seriously though it’s embarrassing.

  Picture by Fine acupuncture.com
People that have not had cancer will never understand how it affects a human being. How can they, we must excuse their ignorance in not trying to even understand. I have been insulted, even misjudged by people close to me. I have to realise it’s not something they will understand unless they try to. Walking around pointing the finger at someone suffering does not help anyone.

Chemo brain can last for years so if it’s you, know it’s a possible normal for you. It’s frustrating because people may get annoyed at you, no one will understand unless they have researched what you maybe feeling. It does not mean we have lost our intelligence. It means we have been affected by chemothearopy, our memories may not be up to scratch but it does not mean we are inadequate. Far from it, chemo brain is real. But the fact is that chemo brain is much more frustrating for the person with it than it is for the person communicating with that person. Have a great day and know that your not alone, there are I suspect many that will read this and realise that it’s normal and even feel a bit better about it. Because others feel what they do.

Have a good weekend

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

Do u listen to understand or listen to reply.

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Do you know the differance? Ok well here is my take on it. If your a friend to someone you will listen to understand what they are going through or facing. If you listen to reply, you are more interested in what your opinion is than helping the person to deal with the problem they are telling you about. God, if you believe there is a God ( I do). When he made us made us with 2 ears and one mouth, interesting don’t you think?  Does that not mean we should listen more than we speak, sounds  daft as I write this as I love speaking, but I also love to solution stuff. The only way we can solution is by listening, I love coming up with answers to situations. But hate jigsaws.

For a long time in my life I thought that people wanted to hear my opinion, when in fact the person that really wanted to hear my opinion was Me. I was a selfish person in some ways, even though my motive may have been good the result of my motive was to reply with my opinion. 

  
I have realised that by listening your learning, and when your speaking you are not learning anything at all. It’s a skill to listen and one I am working on everyday, as I endeavour to complete my challenge of blogging everyday for a whole year. 365 days. I am busy learning to as I get feedback from people, people that care, some are surprised that I am nearly 3/4 of the way through and still am doing what I said I would do. I know it’s helping people be use people are telling me and I am listening. Using the skill I am honing to listen to other people to understand as opposed to reply. 

  
Listening to understand not only gives us more knowledge but also it helps us to understand people and their situations. Which I turn gives us experience. The one thing about exsperience is you can’t buy it, you can buy someone to tell us from their exsperience, but if we want to have exsperience we have no choice but to listen and learn from someone else.  Because that’s what listening to understand does. It gives us the exsperience that we can call on in another situation in the future. We may be able to recall what we have learnt and help us in our very own situation. This may mean nothing to you, you may think you know what I am saying and don’t need to hear it. If that’s the case then you will not learn anything.

Have a great Friday,

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

Steve job (his final words)

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This is what one of the richest men ever to become wealthy thought of life. Some of the things I have been saying in my blogs… This writing may not be exact, some think incorrect. I just think the words are perfect and for all mankind!

Steve Jobs’ Last Words –
I reached the pinnacle of success in the business world.

In others’ eyes, my life is an epitome of success.
However, aside from work, I have little joy. In the end, wealth is only a fact of life that I am accustomed to.
At this moment, lying on the sick bed and recalling my whole life, I realize that all the recognition and wealth that I took so much pride in, have paled and become meaningless in the face of impending death.
In the darkness, I look at the green lights from the life supporting machines and hear the humming mechanical sounds, I can feel the breath of god of death drawing closer…
Now I know, when we have accumulated sufficient wealth to last our lifetime, we should pursue other matters that are unrelated to wealth…

Should be something that is more important:
Perhaps relationships, perhaps art, perhaps a dream from younger days …

Non-stop pursuing of wealth will only turn a person into a twisted being, just like me.
God gave us the senses to let us feel the love in everyone’s heart, not the illusions brought about by wealth.
The wealth I have won in my life I cannot bring with me.

What I can bring is only the memories precipitated by love.

That’s the true riches which will follow you, accompany you, giving you strength and light to go on.
Love can travel a thousand miles. Life has no limit. Go where you want to go. Reach the height you want to reach. It is all in your heart and in your hands.

What is the most expensive bed in the world? – “Sick bed” …
You can employ someone to drive the car for you, make money for you but you cannot have someone to bear the sickness for you.

Material things lost can be found. But there is one thing that can never be found when it is lost – “Life”.
When a person goes into the operating room, he will realize that there is one book that he has yet to finish reading – “Book of Healthy Life”.
Whichever stage in life we are at right now, with time, we will face the day when the curtain comes down.
Treasure Love for your family, love for your spouse, love for your friends…
Treat yourself well. Cherish others.
  
Look after each other

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

If it’s meant to be, it WILL be.

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This is a must read, a true story that has touched my heart!
As I walked home one freezing day, I stumbled on a wallet someone had lost in the street. I picked it up and looked inside to find some identification so I could call the owner. But the wallet contained only three dollars and a crumpled letter that looked as if it had been in there for years.
The envelope was worn and the only thing that was legible on it was the return address. I started to open the letter, hoping to find some clue. Then I saw the dateline–1924. The letter had been written almost 60 years ago.
It was written in a beautiful feminine handwriting on powder blue stationery with a little flower in the left-hand corner. It was a “Dear John” letter that told the recipient, whose name appeared to be Michael, that the writer could not see him anymore because her mother forbade it. Even so, she wrote that she would always love him.
It was signed, Hannah.
It was a beautiful letter, but there was no way except for the name Michael, that the owner could be identified. Maybe if I called information, the operator could find a phone listing for the address on the envelope.
“Operator,” I began, “this is an unusual request. I’m trying to find the owner of a wallet that I found. Is there anyway you can tell me if there is a phone number for an address that was on an envelope in the wallet?”
She suggested I speak with her supervisor, who hesitated for a moment then said, “Well, there is a phone listing at that address, but I can’t give you the number.” She said, as a courtesy, she would call that number, explain my story and would ask them if they wanted her to connect me.
I waited a few minutes and then she was back on the line. “I have a party who will speak with you.”
I asked the woman on the other end of the line if she knew anyone by the name of Hannah. She gasped, “Oh! We bought this house from a family who had a daughter named Hannah. But that was 30 years ago!”
“Would you know where that family could be located now?” I asked.
“I remember that Hannah had to place her mother in a nursing home some years ago,” the woman said. “Maybe if you got in touch with them they might be able to track down the daughter.”
She gave me the name of the nursing home and I called the number. They told me the old lady had passed away some years ago but they did have a phone number for where they thought the daughter might be living.
I thanked them and phoned. The woman who answered explained that Hannah herself was now living in a nursing home.
This whole thing was stupid, I thought to myself. Why was I making such a big deal over finding the owner of a wallet that had only three dollars and a letter that was almost 60 years old?
Nevertheless, I called the nursing home in which Hannah was supposed to be living and the man who answered the phone told me, “Yes, Hannah is staying with us.”
Even though it was already 10 p.m., I asked if I could come by to see her. “Well,” he said hesitatingly, “if you want to take a chance, she might be in the day room watching television.”
I thanked him and drove over to the nursing home. The night nurse and a guard greeted me at the door. We went up to the third floor of the large building. In the day room, the nurse introduced me to Hannah.
She was a sweet, silver-haired oldtimer with a warm smile and a twinkle in her eye. I told her about finding the wallet and showed her the letter. The second she saw the powder blue envelope with that little flower on the left, she took a deep breath and said, “Young man, this letter was the last contact I ever had with Michael.”
She looked away for a moment deep in thought and then said softly, “I loved him very much. But I was only 16 at the time and my mother felt I was too young. Oh, he was so handsome. He looked like Sean Connery, the actor.”
“Yes,” she continued. “Michael Goldstein was a wonderful person. If you should find him, tell him I think of him often. And,” she hesitated for a moment, almost biting her lip, “tell him I still love him. You know,” she said smiling as tears began to well up in her eyes, “I never did marry. I guess no one ever matched up to Michael…”
I thanked Hannah and said goodbye. I took the elevator to the first floor and as I stood by the door, the guard there asked, “Was the old lady able to help you?”
I told him she had given me a lead. “At least I have a last name. But I think I’ll let it go for a while. I spent almost the whole day trying to find the owner of this wallet.”
I had taken out the wallet, which was a simple brown leather case with red lacing on the side. When the guard saw it, he said, “Hey, wait a minute! That’s Mr. Goldstein’s wallet. I’d know it anywhere with that bright red lacing. He’s always losing that wallet. I must have found it in the halls at least three times.”
“Who’s Mr. Goldstein?” I asked as my hand began to shake.
“He’s one of the oldtimers on the 8th floor. That’s Mike Goldstein’s wallet for sure. He must have lost it on one of his walks.” I thanked the guard and quickly ran back to the nurse’s office. I told her what the guard had said. We went back to the elevator and got on. I prayed that Mr. Goldstein would be up.
On the eighth floor, the floor nurse said, “I think he’s still in the day room. He likes to read at night. He’s a darling old man.”
We went to the only room that had any lights on and there was a man reading a book. The nurse went over to him and asked if he had lost his wallet. Mr. Goldstein looked up with surprise, put his hand in his back pocket and said, “Oh, it is missing!”
“This kind gentleman found a wallet and we wondered if it could be yours?”
I handed Mr. Goldstein the wallet and the second he saw it, he smiled with relief and said, “Yes, that’s it! It must have dropped out of my pocket this afternoon. I want to give you a reward.”
“No, thank you,” I said. “But I have to tell you something. I read the letter in the hope of finding out who owned the wallet.”
The smile on his face suddenly disappeared. “You read that letter?”
“Not only did I read it, I think I know where Hannah is.”
He suddenly grew pale. “Hannah? You know where she is? How is she? Is she still as pretty as she was? Please, please tell me,” he begged.
“She’s fine…just as pretty as when you knew her.” I said softly.
The old man smiled with anticipation and asked, “Could you tell me where she is? I want to call her tomorrow.” He grabbed my hand and said, “You know something, Mister? I was so in love with that girl that when that letter came, my life literally ended. I never married. I guess I’ve always loved her.”
“Mr. Goldstein,” I said, “Come with me.”
We took the elevator down to the third floor. The hallways were darkened and only one or two little night-lights lit our way to the day room where Hannah was sitting alone watching the television. The nurse walked over to her.
“Hannah,” she said softly, pointing to Michael, who was waiting with me in the doorway. “Do you know this man?”
She adjusted her glasses, looked for a moment, but didn’t say a word. Michael said softly, almost in a whisper, “Hannah, it’s Michael. Do you remember me?”
She gasped, “Michael! I don’t believe it! Michael! It’s you! My Michael!” He walked slowly towards her and they embraced. The nurse and I left with tears streaming down our faces.
“See,” I said. “See how the Good Lord works! If it’s meant to be, it will be.”
About three weeks later I got a call at my office from the nursing home. “Can you break away on Sunday to attend a wedding? Michael and Hannah are going to tie the knot!”
It was a beautiful wedding with all the people at the nursing home dressed up to join in the celebration. Hannah wore a light beige dress and looked beautiful. Michael wore a dark blue suit and stood tall. They made me their best man.
The hospital gave them their own room and if you ever wanted to see a 76-year-old bride and a 79-year-old groom acting like two teenagers, you had to see this couple.
A perfect ending for a love affair that had lasted nearly 60 years.

  

Your past does not define you.

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Who you were you cannot change, but what you become is in your hands. You can be what ever you want to be, do what ever you want to do. You can achieve what ever you want to achieve. It’s believing what you say is true. You see for you to achieve what you want to achieve it means  you first have to believe it’s possible then step out in faith putting one foot in front of the other, and move forward. You see the further you move forwards the dimmer the light of your “what was”  will be. Of course I am meaning for my cancer journey, it’s not something I want or need to remember. The more days I live without cancer, the more I believe it’s possible to have a future with out it.

  
Whilst this blog will be short, it’s just to remind you and me. That because we have had cancer and are in remmission, this does not define us as a person. Even if you are having treatment it does not define you, what defines you is what you do right now. What you choose to become, your not defined by what someone thinks of you, what their opinion is, is not for you to know. What matters is what you want out of this life, if that’s to sit with your head in your hands blaming God knows what as to the reason you have cancer. That’s your choice, and that is what defines you. But I want you to know  that you have the choice everyday to leave that past behind you. The definition of you is in your hands.

You are so much more than you are today. 

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

The day I died. (What I saw)

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  Today I went to see Roy and Vickie, we talked seamlessly for over 2 hours. It was a really pleasant time, Roy shared with me his cancer story. It was a good time, I was asked the same question as Dave and Anne asked me though. “Do I ever get down” so now I will tell you how I cope with that, how I did cope with that, and hopefully what makes me feel like that. 

It’s hard to know where to start really, because people seem to think I am some kind of infalable  being that just gets on an does it. (Not true) it’s hard for me to talk about being weak, as it’s not in my nature to show that side of me. However the bible talks about when I am weak then he is strong. Don’t get me wrong I am not going to come across all religious on you, but this is how it happened to me. I remember quite distinctly the day that I realised beating cancer was not possible, cancer stories did not exsist then. I know if it had I would most certainly have coped better, I remember watching a movie I think it was called the awakening. Robert de Nero played a part of someone who deteriated badly, I remember how I wept the know the audible crying, feeling like you are out of control. I dropped to my knees that night, I cryed out loud. Please help me if your there, I can’t do this alone. I was not finding it hard fighting cancer, I could no longer do it anymore. It was just a wave of negativity that flooded my being, it would not be the last either. That was just the beginning of digging to the deepest you thought possible,my then having to dig deeper again.
Us humans are stubborn when it comes to losing our lives, or I was anyway. I had found the recipe for the rest of my life, a good wife, a great house. My little sports car, my faith but the one thing that was holding all that together was my health. Even so, no matter how sick I felt I always got up, I remember one day when I did not get up till 5 pm. There being a cold chill in my room, it felt like I was being taken. Dieing, that I was slipping away. I felt like I was being pulled out of a sleeping bag as they tried to take my life. I refused and fought like hell that day, getting up for tea time. I dare not sleep that day and night drinking plenty of fluid, feeling like snakes were in my head. The drugs I was on were pioneering drugs, as I was on a trial for a new drug that I agreed to have put in my body. Eventually over Christmas 2011 I finished my chemo and had the Christmas they said I would not have without the treatment. Apparently I had gotten into remission. No fan fare no party, they were just words that I did not believe. I felt all along it was still there!
I was explaining today how my cancer hid, and although I was supposed to be in remission. I knew the cancer cells were hiding in my bones. I could feel them almost laughing at me. Non of the scans picked it up, as they were rougue cells and scanners only picked up clusters. Everyday I would get up and wonder if today was the day it would show itself. Although I did put faith into practice by buying a Labrador and calling her Faith as that’s what I needed to get into remmission.

  
I remember when it came back again (hard recalling this) coiling up into a ball and  crying my heart out. The consultant had told me I would have to have my bone marrow removed, and have a stem cell transplant. This was to be done in isolation in a tiny room. Excuse my language, but how in the hell could I possibly do that, were they mad! I could see no way. For me it was a step to far, an impossible ask. I ached hopelessly inside, I asked time and time again if there was another option. Non what so ever this was my only hope, no more life for me with out it. It made me shake, I would be physically sick at the thought. 

In everyone of those moments, I made myself read positivity. Quotes from the bible, positive people on Twitter, Google and many other places just positives. Friends, family, everyone was only to speak positively to me. No moaning. When I finally got into the room. That big silverback became a weak hopeless human, put into the hands of medicine. 

The day I became nutrapenic, I felt really strange I left my body and even though I was talking to Andie, I felt like I was actually leaving the planet. I held on tight to Andies hand, I believed it was to early. That what was the point in me being the one who did not make it  surely there was a reason for me having this. As I hovered above myself I remember hearing the words “not yet” I don’t know who said them but it certainly was a comfort to me. The day before that I had been sat by the window shaking violently, imagining myself timing sheets together to escape. The door was always open, I could have left at any time, it was not escape from Alcatraz. That’s what being neutapenic made me feel.

So my friends, all of these things I felt, some I still feel. I know what the guilt feels like, to have made it where others don’t. That’s the only “why me” sentence I have said. Remember this, when you think there is no more to give. There always is, with determination AND FAITH you. “yes you” can do ANYTHING. Don’t give up, because you have friends.

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

Thank you Cancer.

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Strange title you think? Really? Well if you think it’s strange you have not seen someone in remission, fight and win or you think cancer has taken loved ones to soon.  You see for me whilst I have fought like hell and won, along the way I have found inspirational people, people that I would not have met had it not been for cancer. Cancer stories has given everyone there the gift of friendship with someone. 

People around the world have been put in touch with each other and are talking to each other about the journey they had, and encouraging another who maybe facing the same journey. A couple of online papers have talked about what we have done, people message me with kindness. Giving encouragement to me to carry on blogging. If I am honest, I am exhausted today, finding it hard to stay awake even. Someone said the other day, cancer is the gift that keeps on giving. I am not sure if that was meant in a negative or positive way. But most certainly our attitude to what we face can help us, or hinder our progress. The daft thing is, by holding our head in our hands does in fact hinder us.

  
It’s only by standing up and choosing to face cancer and all that goes with it, that we find some good in the journey of Hell called cancer. For instance my friends Dave and Anne we would not know had we not been affected by cancer, we would not know those lovely people that are most certainly an asset to our lives most certainly not a hinderance. Anne serves a mean chocolate eclair and not just any eclair either. Only mns in their house.  We have come into contact with many people with great hearts, even gaining a sister along the way. Cancer whilst attempting to take my life has given us gifts, not without looking for the gifts did we find them though. 

The fact of the matter is though that cancer comes with some positivity once we are able to see through the pain that it gave to us, be it death, physical pain, disability, cancer helps us to value what ever we have left, it gives us a new way to look at life. Only being touched by cancer can we see this way of looking at the world. Because without cancer I would not have the sensitivity towards people I have now, and the tanasity to turn away from negativity. Each minute becomes more precious than before and there is no room in it to be wasted around anyone that has an inability to look at the positives that life has to offer.

Enjoy today, it’s a great day.

Fonz 

Things I want to happen in 2016.

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Some may have put, things they don’t want to happen this year, but I prefer to have a positive spin on things. There are lots of things I want to happen but I guess the no 1 I need to put last. The opposite to what you would expect in the hope that you read the whole blog 😆.

So in no particular order apart from my no1 which will be last.

• I Want to be a 34 ” waist I keep kidding myself I am a 36″ but all my jeans are stretching, as I have to breath in to put them on.
• To get out in Trevor more this year.
• To write better than ever before.
• To get 200 followers on my WordPress account.
• To help more people in 2016 than I did in 2015.
• To do the jobs I said I would do in 2015 in 2016.
• To pick up my nephew Zac from school just once in Trevor.
• To fulfil an ambition (I will blog about that when it happens)
• To not voice my disappointments, but accept its not my problem to deal with.
• To put my wife before anyone else ALL year. ( I believe I do that every year) nothing wrong with a bit of consistency.
• To complete my 365 day blog challenge. I have completed 249 so far.
• To get 1000 a day average view ( maybe unattainable ) I am not that good yet.
• To encourage more people in their own blogging experience.

Lastly to remain cancer free! 

  
I do not want cancer in my life at all from now on, but it does take effort to eat well and not binge on anything, like sweet things, pop, chocolate, ect. Eating well takes effort and Percy verance . Staying away from processed foods makes a huge difference to. Some processed foods for example –  farmed salmon have canceragenic   Properties. It’s a huge subject and one I want to learn more about this year.

Have you written down some goals for this year? Thanks to all of you that read and share with out you my blogs would be just read by friends and family. Thank you.

Have a great week, see this Monday as a new start and a new opportunity. NOT the Monday feeling of the holiday is over.

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

Tony Heart, gone.

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How many times did I watch Tony heart, he was one of life’s inspirers. He encouraged children to do works of art, I will never forget what you gave us and me Tony. Wow such a loss.. I will not forget you. This happened in 2009 but I love to remember people. I figure by blogging it’s there forever.

  
A BBC link with the details

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7836112.stm

I love to make small tributes to people’s lives that have affected our now. Now morph did not affect it, but he did and has made me laugh many times I wonder what you remember?

Just some reminders of a great British programme.

RIP Tony Hart

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com 

Rejection.

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Did you know this is a kind of bullying, even a form of abuse. Many people reject someone because of the way they look, maybe because they have some kind of desease. During my cancer journey I have been rejected by so many people that do not understand cancer. We have all felt it in our lives, we know what it’s like to not be liked by the kid on the street, or the work colleague that excludes you. I guess people reject anything or anyone that is not the same as them. 

  
I used to get very scared as a young boy, because when I was bullied I would get into trouble at home as well. Because more often than not I would get my coat stolen or bleed on a new shirt. I without doubt suffered rejection allot in my life, especially by the bullies on the bus. I have chosen to show love to all people and smile at and with people, I have chosen a path where I don’t judge everyone I meet, I choose to love everyone I meet. People want to bury their heads in the sand and pretend it’s not happened or happening. Well sorry for those that want a quiet life and for the truth to be unspoken, or just not speak of it. I have many things I wish to speak about, from now on I will, I won’t keep my thoughts under lock and key anymore. The world will know the truth and that truth shall set me free.

  
I have learned how to love, because I have been shown what true love is, it’s consistency, acceptance, and putting the other person first ALWAYS.

It’s 1 Corinthians 13  
1 Corinthians 13New International Version (NIV) While I hope to be some of 1 Corinthians every day, I do know I am not perfect. But do my best every day.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. 

It’s my wife that has taught me what consistency is, what home is. For the first time in my life as an adult I know what home feels like. The time before that I was 4,5,6 yrs old when we lived in Brighton now it’s in southport. I have lived here for nearly 6 years and even though I have fought off the beast called cancer whilst living here. It still feels like home. That feeling when you put the log fire on and settle down with our dog by my side and my wife with me, along with the cat stretched out in front of the fire. My home is not just a place to live, it’s a place where I feel welcome, loved and wanted by all the people that live here. That’s after all my safe place, a place where we don’t hurt each other, a place where we feel warm secure and needed. No feeling of rejection will anyone feel in our home, because our home is a place of safety. 

Rejection in cancer exsists in everyone’s journey I am finding out, it’s sad that people cut other’s off or alienate them because they are not well . It’s not just people with cancer either, it’s people that are misunderstood. People facing a situation that quite frankly the person who does not understand it does not even bother to find out about it. 

If that’s you and you need support there is a group of people that have had similar experiences called cancer stories  

https://www.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536/

You will be welcomed there, people who have had similar exsperiences and can empathise with you. So know your not alone, it’s common place in cancer but there is love and support out there from people that understand what you are feeling and experience. People there have been where you are and will do what we can for you.

Have a good day

Fonz

 

Stats and wordpress! Because of you….

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Wow this week has been amazing! It’s now Saturday my worst day in stats on wordpress is always a Saturday. But yesterday, New Year’s Day. Broke more records than Elton John. I had more likes yesterday than any other day, more followers follow my blog than any other day and my blog had been read by more people than ever before. As you can imagine I was really chuffed, I was chuffed for a couple of reasons. My main reason though was that more people were obviously interested in my writings therefore more people were being encouraged by the hell I had been through. Meaning my consistency in blogging was and is worth it. 

  
 
As you can see from the picture 467 ain’t bad for a new blogger right? Or am I wrong, am I still not doing so good? The feeling is good that I have I mean in the same week there was a day with 967 views I mean that’s nearly a thousand. More than all the pupils that went to my high school! 

  
There are my stats for the week last night. So what’s the point of today’s blog. Well it’s to thank all of you for reading and making New Year’s Day a special day for me in 2016 it’s a great start. So thank you! I was getting dispondent that is until yesterday when I also met another blogger called hugsandblessings she encouraged me and it was then that I realised, you need me like I need you. That you need me to help others read your blog, and I need you for the same reason. I know it’s obvious but it was like a eureka moment. God bless you all. 

Lastly to all of you that are dispondent like I was, seeing my weekly stats dwindle week on week. If you help others by telling others about someone else they will help you out naturally. Have a healthy new year everyone, I am hopefully going to enjoy a cancer free year. Now that’s worth fighting for.

Have a great weekend

Fonz

Natalie Cole Dead.

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It so sad that this has to happen to each and everyone of us, Natalie Cole dieing. Whilst sad, exstemly sad. She has without doubt left behind a legacy encouraged by her dad, Nat King Cole. 

So now it’s time for us to miss you like crazy Natalie. Thanks so much for the legacy you have left, you will never be forgotten.

This lady was part of my childhood, and of so many more around the world. No amount of money can stop the enevitable, it just makes me so much more than ever before want to make a differance in the short life that I have.

Natalie you are truly unforgettable.

  
65 is no age at all, way to young. 

Make the most of your life

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

What’s holding you back.

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Who has the right to stop you from being who you are, no one. I myself pride myself on being the person that says yes to my wife, the person that encourages her to achieve her goals. That’s why she drives the car she does, that’s why she has the opportunities she does. I have no right to stop her being who she is, no one has the right to stop you either. I read a blog today, in the blog she spoke about. If you want a burger have it, I agree. We only get one chance at this life so be who you are, don’t dress yourself up with all the pretentious shite people seem to want to do these days. I refuse to be in a place where there are people, that expect of me in a certain way. 

What of that? Does that make me selfish, or does that make me an individual. So many people follow each other’s example, mimicking them almost. Why is it then that a Billionaire wants to have something no one in the world has. Well I think it’s because they can afford to. I want to be the person I am from now on, why? Because I have fought for these days and there is nowhere, no place for people to attempt, to Mold me into something I am not. In this life and in this year. Are you going to follow the masses, or are you going to be the person you want to be. 
You see by “fitting in” some people call it, you are effectively pleasing those around you and not yourself. My wife is an individual, I don’t own her I am not her boss. But what I am is someone who encourages her to be the person she feels comfortable with. 

  
The only change you need to make in 2016 is to be TRUE to yourself. Those that want me to fit in are in for a shock because it’s not what I will be doing with my life from now on.  I will be being myself and I will be unconcerned what others opinions are. At the same time being interested to hear what someone’s thoughts on a subject are. Cancer has gone, I am here.

So happy new year, and let’s see the true you.

Enjoy being yourself

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

Remember this.

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One day, you know a day that we are living as if it’s our last. One  day at least we will be right. 

Oh how I want to be so wrong every day.

Happy new year

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

2015 review.

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2015 review, wow where do I start. Well I guess that would be 1st January 2015 but that’s not where the year began for me I began on the lads holiday 2014. When I felt a lump in my neck and knew I had to mention it to my consultant on my appointment 2 days after landing back in the uk. That led to an operation then ICE chemotherapy each cycle done over a 3 day period, in Feb, March and April then Beam chemo in isolation for 6 days and nights in May. completing 30 full days of chemotherapy in 5 years. 
   

 Just to explain a little what it took for the transplant, for those who know nothing of what’s required. Stem cell harvest wes allot of fun having a canular in one arm and a 1.5 mm needle in the other whilst they took my blood out harvested it in a machine, then put it back in my body. The whole process lasts about 5 hours repeated on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday until I had 4 million cells were collected. 

  
I remember on one particular day, a gentleman sat opposite, he has a hicc an line in so the needle was not required. You can’t move at all for the 5 hours, and watching his son eat a Burger King did make me salavate some what and get food envy. 

The transplant itself lasted 3 weeks laid in a bed in a room 15 ft X 12 ft. With only a tv and an I pad for company. The nurses who I can’t name made the Experience more bearable, I can’t name the staff at the Royal Liverpool but they are an amazing team as are the team in the MDU at southport. Without a doubt our local GP Dr Hindle played a huge part in saving my life.
 It was also the start of the first complete year for the group made possible by its 210 members. A group that not only has helped people along the way. It has helped people to help themselves to save their own lives. Needing the very people I had set out to help whilst on a new cancer journey again. You see I was in remission when I set up cancer stories, and although I felt I was not in remission, I hoped it would not return. It did.
Whilst the group has encouraged many, it has also seen much sadness spare a moment as we think of those that have left us.
Noel Smalley

Rita Hodgeon

Becca Parkes

James D peace
There are others that have passed but I am not permitted to speak of them in public.
Sadly missed but not forgotten

  
It was a year where I strove to get on my lads holiday in Turkey, seeing it as my goal to achieve. I lasted 2 days and came home to find that 24 hours later the hotel was swamped by water. Not a place for someone 100 days out of bone marrow transplant. My friends made the best of what they had, 8 days later going to Mexico with my wife, where we would meet friends for life and enjoy some of the best weather they had seen at that time of year. 

  
Mexico was to end up being our true celebration, not only to have an end to all that treatment, but to finally be declared cancer free once more. The word cured was even used. We celebrated our anniversary 5 years married to my amazing wife, who has been by my side all the way through all my cancer Experience, I can’t bring 2015 to an end with out mentioning someone else. Rachel Brown for allowing Andie to have her time by my side in hospital whilst having my bone marrow transplant. 

  
Finally knowing I have another day each morning is an amazing feeling and as a consequence I never want to waste a moment of it unhappy.  We also celebrated Andie turning 40, and hope to make a special announcement soon regarding Andies Carrea.

  
Outside of my personal experiences and support from family and friends. I want to say thank you to all those at cancer stories there are to many to list, but you all know who you are that reach out to other people sharing your journeys with others encouraging and enthusing people to get themselves into remission. Thank God for hospitals and people that dedicate their lives so we may have life, that we may continue to breath and encourage other people where they are at.
Wasn’t it amazing that 15 people that had never met were able to enjoy a meal together, almost being kicked out after 4 hrs 45 mins of constant chat without a break. A complete privilege. Bless you each and every one. 

  
I have hope in my heart and faith that many of you will improve in 2016, I hope with a hopeful heart that you will know words like remission and cure in between the scans and sunshine, rainy and cloudy days.
Thank you to all of you that have supported us, well it’s time to look forwards now. To buy gym memberships that we will use twice, give up fatty foods for a 2 day diet before we get over our guilt trips and live normally again. Start walking to the shops, until we remember having a car was easier.
Have a great 2016 and all the best
Fonz

One direction.

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One of the reasons I was able to overcome cancer, was that me and my wife and the friends and family on the journey with us were all pulling together. How I like to explain it is like this.

When ever me and Andie have a problem that needs solving, we talk about it together and work out a strategy together. I see the problem as a block of concrete so big that it cannot be moved by just one person. Both of us need to be pulling the block for it to move. But not only do we have to move it together, we have to both be pulling in the same direction. It’s no good if the idea is split in 2 and 2 people are pulling different ways. Nothing ever gets achieved that way, me and Andie have achieved so much this past year. Tomorrows blog will be thinking about all the things we have achieved together because we are both pulling in one direction.

  
Andie had an opportunity to be promoted from the role she is in over 12 months ago, it would have been wrong at that time in our lives facing beating cancer again. You see cancer tried to fight me, to bring me down to put me under, defeat me and affect our life in a negative way. Two people like us will never allow a situation to ultimately affect us in a negative way because we choose to work together to make the best of what we DO have. We don’t focus on what we cannot change like people’s actions towards us. The responses of people to us are just something we cannot change, what people chose or choose to do on any day in particular we cannot do anything about. It’s ultimately our response to it that matters, people can say and do hurtful things. It could be deemed bullying or even rejection, we choose together to work together to make the best of everything. Even removing yourself from a negative situation that can’t be changed can help with getting to the destination. 

  
Our new destination for the next phase in our lives we can’t tell you at the moment, but I can tell you that we will be touching more people’s lives than ever before in 2016. There will always be people there to try and take the shine off of what your aiming to do, I get shocked as to where the people come from that try to bring you down with their own limitations which some regard as negativity. You see this is the truth of life. The only person that stops your dream, or restricts it is the very mind that dreams the dream. The problem with big dreams, is the fact that with it brings more possibility for failure. I prefer to dream big and then break that down into successful days, weeks, months, and years. 

You are in control of the direction you choose, our direction is by supporting each other in making our dreams come true. I hope your enjoying your next to last day in 2015.

I hope you had a successful 2015. I also hope you enjoy planning your 2016.

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

How to do GREAT work. (Steve jobs)

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  http://youtu.be/UF8uR6Z6KLc

Please watch this video.

The only way to do great work is to love what you do. I have a personal addiction, that is to people that are at the top of their game, people that have become the best that’s possible in that field. People that have used a lifetime, becoming the best at what they do. The only have one thing in common, all these people love what they do. They have not seen it as a chore to work, they have seen it as a way of life. Enjoying what they do everyday that some people call work, I am at a cross roads myself. I know what I love to do, I know that I am good at it and hope to pursue it to be the best I can be at it.

I adore encouraging people, I love to give people hope. It’s a passion of mine, I have and do not seek to make a living from it. I just want to make a difference in people’s lives, to help them to see the best in themselves.
I am fascinated by people like Steve jobs, Bill gates, Peter Jones, Duncan Balyntyne, Lewis  Hamilton, Guy Martin, to name a few people that inspire me. People that love what they do, people that are passionate about what they do. It was then that I realised something else that they had in common. All of them wanted or want other people to be successful, all of them encourage other people to become the best they can be. Whilst being at the top of their game, they have other people working with them that are also at the top of their game to.  I have allot of friends who are at the top of what they do, I am married to one of them. Two people who have been the most influential people on the planet I think are Steve jobs and Bill Gates. These people have made a fortune by helping people to have tec in their hands that can make them money. Something I am using right now. My IPad. Mine is the latest with the biggest memory. That’s thanks to the late Steve Job, also influenced by Bill gates. They both shared similar ethics. Building their company’s on Software, by giving us (the public) the capability of making software by providing us with the tools to make software. In turn helping people to make money at home by making things such as Apps.

I myself have chosen to write a blog a day for a year in the hope of reaching people experiencing cancer treatment, or the effects of cancer. To encourage them that they can win their battle also. I have not found it a chore writing my blogs, because it’s something that I love doing, now whilst I know I am not at the top of my game like Steve jobs was. I do know I am making a difference largely because of his vision to help people to help themselves with the tool for the job. ( no pun intended)

  
We all have an opportunity, it’s called Life. Are you wasting yours or using yours. That’s the key isn’t it, to use what you have (life) and use it to help others whilst not forgetting that family is THE most important in your life. At the beginning of my blogging journey, I did not really care about my spelling. But now I am starting to care a bit more, to do my best to be the best I can be. I don’t call mistakes failure, I call then lessons and a chance to learn.

I really hope this blog has encouraged you today, if nothing else to not settle until you find what you love to do, in turn doing great work because you love it. If I could only shake the hand of the man that has inspired me to inspire you. If indeed you are inspired.

Have a great day.

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

My mum saved my life.

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Seems a strange thing to say doesn’t it, thank you cancer, but cancer has given me so much. It came into my life twice and tried to end my life twice. It picked the wrong man, my attitude was always that I would win. Never once did I imagine I would lose. I am fortunate though, if it was not for my mum I would for sure be dead.  Had she never told me I should get my lump checked out. See I just thought it was a swollen gland, never even once did I think a lump could possibly kill me! Well it didn’t it came and never realised just how hard it would be to get the better of me. I managed to get the better of it, not without the help of my family and friends.

  
My blog today Monday 28th December had the best day ever, even surpassing the blog  ” The Night I fell in love with Rita’s mum ” now it’s the blog about Steve Job that has now had the most hits, having more hits than the whole of last week in one day. Cancer has given me so many gifts, it has given me a new found wonder in the planet, I get pleasure from small things, our cat laid in front of the fire melts my heart. Children playing fills me with joy, I built a bike up for my friends son today. Seeing his beaming face was priceless. Everything on the planet is more valuable, family time is precious any time with my wife I adore and will not have it ruined. 

Birds singing a chorus, fish, laughter. My friend said the other day “Small things can make me tear up” it’s the same for me also. Cancer has given me friends I would not have had, it’s given me the group Cancer stories. It’s given me a desire to have love in the home that I live in. More than ever I did. My dog enjoying a run, so many things I appreciate more because I HAD cancer. For that I have to thank my mum, because without her I would be dead. Thank you Mum.

Try and find your positive in your situation, because if you look they WILL be there.

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

Star Wars

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We all have families, some are real loving ones. Some are distant in miles, some are wealthy. I am wealthy in family, because I have a loving wife who loves me dearly and knows me well. I was bought a Star Wars top this year by a family member, one that did not know me or it would never have been considered. It got me thinking though, how can someone that should know me so well get it so wrong. Maybe the time they had with me they never listened to what I liked, maybe they just bought it for me because I should like it. Or maybe it was a pound…..
Well my wife absolutely loves Star Wars, so it was not wasted, I am sure my wife will love wearing it with the picture of the millemem falcon on the front. It’s a man size so she will proberbly wear it as a nighty.. You know I have even watched the latest movie of Star Wars, we went to Liverpool to watch it at the gallery. You see it’s something my wife adores and I would do anything for my wife, and would take her anywhere. When we were sat in the cinema she said these words to me. “The last time I was with someone watching starwars at the cinema, I was with my dad” no previous partner had gone with her to see it because they did not like starwars. Her dad is no longer with us, he died at 59.. Such a short life, cancer took him, he had it in his stomach, maybe it had been there for 20 years. I don’t know if her dad loved starwars, but what I do know is that he went with her. 

  
Taking an interest in what someone loves is priceless, irreplaceable, because taking an interest in something another is interested in is an exsperience. Some people have blinkers on and only tune into their own interests because that’s all that matters to them. Some people don’t like football (like me) but again my wife loves it so I watch it and have banter with her because she loves it. She knows what I am passionate about, and she takes an interest in that also. For us our life is made richer because we learn about each other, I know about her dad and her grandparents, what they liked and disliked where they lived and what part they played in the war. Why because I want to keep the memories of those we lost alive.
I know that my dads love for football came from cricket, from a cricketer who used to also play for Arsenal. “Dennis Compton” his grandson plays for England to this day. How do I know that? Because my wife asked my dad. We then bought him a book on the man he respected, because we knew it would not be a waste of money. I don’t really like cricket either but I bet if you asked my dad he would think I did.. I have even been to meet Ian Botham, because I love people that have managed to be the best they can possibly be. I grew up with cricket and tennis in our house neither of which I love. Although Andy Murray is a pleasure to watch. I do however watch both, because if I try hard enough happy memories of being a boy come back doing the things my mum and dad loved. Playing cricket on the field with my day, and watching tennis with my mum whilst the sausages burnt, on a 14″ black and white tele.
I can’t stand Star Wars, but I love my wife. I know my wife does not wear nail varnish so I don’t buy it her it, my wife is exstemly beautiful and does not need to cake make up on, so I don’t buy it her. Next time I meet with the family we will play a little game. I hope you having a great Christmas break, and don’t forget to get to know the people you love.

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

Your not alone…

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This Christmas for me is a huge milestone, but I think friends even family (some) have forgotten the previous battles. What it took to win this war. Maybe it’s easier for them to forget, for me what was is always in my now. The effects of what was is in my now. I am real emotional this Christmas, I keep having moments. Now I am not saying this for sympathy, just so that others will know that it’s normal that what I feel is documented. I hope that some day a person will get comfort from reading this blog, even just knowing that your not alone.

People do forget when it’s not happened to them, it’s better for them if you just don’t mention it or even communicate about it. The fact is though that the horror of what I have been through is all still so very real in my present. It’s like a reoccurring nightmare and all I want is to forget for a while. When I am around people I forget, people are like the tonic I need to get through. I want you to know, what I remember is in the form of flash backs. It’s not that I recall anything on purpose, really it’s not a journey that anyone would want to recall on purpose. 

  
All I want and need in my life is health and happiness, there are some people on the planet that naturally love us. There is not effort in that love, because it’s natrual. It’s is a love born out of accepting the other person and not wanting them to change. It has been said, if you are with people that are comfortable with the real you, you are with people that love you. I have friends like that, one is my brother and sister in law. I have some friends like that to, people that are in your lives that accept you are the ones you should treasure. They are rare, people that ask about you, not tell you about them. 

You are not alone in how you feel, when you have had a trauma in your life like cancer. We can’t exspect everyone to understand, only those in the cancer club truly understand what you have faced. Only people in the cancer club will truly be honest with you, because they know how it feels to have someone by your side that you can tell how you truly feel. We also know how it feels when someone does not let you know how they feel because they think your situation is worse. We don’t stop caring because we are ill, we still want there to be normality. But there is very little normality in cancer, the cancer club is a club of honest, real, genuine people. Once u accept that not everyone will understand what you are going through, you find having cancer is easier.

Have a great day,

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

Time

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The one thing that we give that’s impossible to get back, once it’s given its gone forever. I just don’t think people understand how precious time is. It’s something we all have, we have been given a certain amount of time some call it life. An amount of breaths allocated to us that all linked together equals life. You do it without even thinking, yet it’s the most important thing that we do.without even a second though. When you finally realise that the time you have, the days you have and the people you do it with are only here for a certain amount of time.

  
See I have started to adopt this thought pattern, if someone is in my life and makes it worse. I remove them, I make sure I don’t communicate with them because their choices make me unhappy. That’s a big step for me, because in previous years I would have tried to change them, or even change for them. I have learned through cancer that I am actually a really good human, a kind genuine human that does his best to help others and to make the moments I am involved in their life fun and even hope I may put a smile on someone’s face. I believe that the life I have is being used, in part. To enrich another’s world, can we ask anymore from a person? Is not doing our best, a gift to another human. Is not putting the needs of another before our own sacrificial.

It’s Christmas Day today and I hope you have a fabulous day with the people you love, your time is precious as are you. Be kind to each other love each other to the best of your ability. We only get one chance at this thing called life, me and Andrea are the only ones not seeing my parents tomorrow. A result of being childless. They will get a great breakfast on Boxing Day morning though… I already have some quality sausages to cook for them. Make sure you give the best you can of you today. It’s a nice soothing feeling to think that we don’t have to deal with having cancer in our lives this year, and hope our guests have a fabulous day with us. Talking about that, maybe I should get on with making some of tomorrow… 

Have a great day and a very happy Christmas to you

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

Your road to recovery.

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  Well, for me it’s not been the same as everybody else’s.  But what’s everybody’s else’s like, is their recovery different to mine. Yes I think so, although there are similarities. The trick is though I think, to not let other people think they are not doing as well as them, but to encourage them where they are at. No ones journey in recovery is the same as the next persons, everyone recovers at a different rate. I personally dislike it when I hear things like. “Well you will be ok” what evidence do they have to be able to say that. Will I? Wow thanks Doc… 

You see what ever you feel, what ever stage you are at in YOUR recovery, I want you to know that’s ok. You don’t have to be or get to a certain place at any specific time. It’s different for everyone, you see just because someone says it was like that for them does not mean your body will recover the same, or at the same rate. You may recover quickly, where someone else gets pains in places you never did or do. You are you, and I want you to know that you should not give yourself a hard time for your body not responding how someone else’s does.

Perspective-so a car can have a very small engine which means it’s really fuel efficient but can’t go fast, another can have a really big engine and can go really fast but is no good at fuel economy. You are who you are, accept yourself for who you are not what someone expects of you. Concentrate on healing how you heal, it may not be cancer. It maybe something completely different, but you are you. Whilst what I say is true, remember this also. That you can’t make a dream come true if you don’t dream a little.

  
So this Christmas Eve for me is special. Not for any other reason than I am alive, I am here to write to you that you can read what is written here. Because this time last year I was being operated on at 10.30 am and was supported by my wife to get me to this Christmas Eve. It’s here today, I am not on an operating table today though. I am thankful to be where I am today, I am also grateful you are able to read this. We have more to be thankful for than we realise.

Enjoy today

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

Because of cancer.

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Some people, people that have not had a long battle with cancer  may not understand this blog. You see in the 5 1/2 yr battle I have learnt many good things. I have learnt many good things that I would not have learnt had I just gone to hospital and had it removed. I learned there is goodness to come out of a bad situation, that is if you want it to be found. I learned that many people want to reach out and help someone else. I learned that some people will not want to reach out because they are to busy doing what they want to do. Not what they should be doing maybe.

You see people I have never met before, have become my friend because of cancer. People in Australia, USA, in many parts of the world and in many places in the uk. I have even had the pleasure of meeting some people that have been touched by cancer. People have confided in me, told me stories of the most personal nature. Real strong bonds have been formed, bonds as strong as some I have had all my life. You see cancer helps us, it makes us think more, helps us to be non assuming, kind considerate and loving towards those that have to face this terrible desease. Now I am not saying that everyone should have cancer to understand. Indeed it does not have to be cancer, just to know what it’s like to suffer grately. 

  
Great physical pain. Gives Great understanding, not of suffering but what it means to have a life. It helps us to understand what this little life means. Because only when you are faced with losing your life can you understand what having a life truly means. All through my life before cancer I heard about someone who lost his life that we may have life. I for one am grateful that I had cancer so I could understand what Jesus did for me and you that little bit more.  Cancer has taught me to have faith and believe in people. Because while they may not be the people you expect to be there for you. To love you even. Cancer has been an inspiration to me, to my wife and so many others so far. Always look for the good, even if it’s a bad situation. You won’t know it’s there unless you look.

have a great post Christmas Eve day.

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

2015 what a year!

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  Hi all so here is my year, what 2015 had in store for me. I suppose I had better put a link up first to the song I continue to play to this day. Knowing my friends and family are there for me and were there when I needed them most.

I had planned to reach out to people with cancer at the end of 2014 and planned to be effective in people’s lives using the medium of social networks like face book and Twitter. I planned to encourage people that cancer could be beaten as I was heading into my 3 rd year cancer free. I was tentertive in doing this because I never felt cancer had left me, but I had to start believing!! It was nearly 3 years that my doctor had told me I had been in remission for. Start being grateful I said to myself and start to bless others who are not so fortunate to get a remission diagnosis. That’s why cancer stories was set up to reach people, to communicate and hopefully encourage the people out there that needed other people and hopefully build a community of caring folk that would be there for each other. 

I so wanted 2015 to be a productive year, a year where people were blessed. For me though I had to wait to get the news of my biopsy. Christmas Eve I was having a lump I found taken out only a couple of weeks after finding it. In the first week of 2015 I found out I had cancer again, same place same desease. Hodgkins Lymphoma.

Although a shock, a real shock…. I was not surprised. I was to go on ICE chemotherapy almost straight away to prepare me for my transplant. Bone marrow transplant in hospital isolated. ( I know some of you know ). I decided early on that I was going to take it day by day and not look to far into the future. Of course I needed to know what needed to be done, but I decided to deal with things on a day to day basis… Wake up, do what needed to be done, then go to sleep and repeat. Of course it did not pan out like that, me being me I decided to carry on with the journey I had decided to go on before I realised I was to have cancer again. Cancer stories, although there are not many members (just over 200) we are all there to support each other. It soon became apparent that the group I had set up to help other people was going to be of huge benefit to me.

Many people helped me, encouraged me, cryed with me. Supported me, laughed with me, or at me. The chemo was horrendous, the procedures were unbearable. But no matter what there was always cancer stories, a place where people understood what cancer was about. An army of people that helped us both to believe when we felt we had no more in us, yo believe we CAN when it seemed impossible. We had a weeks holiday in Northumberland just before I had to go into isolation, it was a much needed rest from the seemingly constant trips to the hospital appointments, chemo, scans, and of course the 8 extractions of my teeth just to be accepted for the transplant. 

  
During my time in the room I made allot of friends, although my wife was with me ( I don’t know how she did it ) but she did. She was there everyday for me, sat by my side. Constant support and encouragement, my soul mate and best friend. Many of you at Cancer stories were there for me everyday. My dad messaged me everyday without fail, such was his commitment to me.

3rd June 2015 I left hospital and drove myself home, yep that right I drove home. Then started the blood tests every week to make sure my blood was recovering  and I was responding properly to being neutrapeenic. All seemed well and I have now gotten to the point where I am back on 3 monthly visits, not seeing anyone at hospital now till next year is a very different year to last year. But one thing 2015 has taught me, and that is never to assume anything. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, it’s what you do today that matters.  Cancer stories turned into a group of people that to this day relentlessly by choice. Show love and support to those fighting. 

What was your 2015 like?

Have a good next year, thanks for your support Cancer stories

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

I give myself a hard time.

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I give myself a lot of hassle you know, put myself under pressure to achieve, to do when I feel I have no energy. Still I wake up late most days, still have sleepless nights nightmares and get frustrated at how little energy I have. Should I really though, should I not be happy to be here. When I remember what we faced this time last year, non of the attempts to find out if it was indeed cancer again had failed. Christmas Eve was about having the lump in my neck removed to find out what was ahead. For some an operation is just another step forwards, for me it’s  a huge stumbling block that I could not have overcome without my wife. If I am here today it’s because of my Andie, the role I played was to do what I needed to do.

  
Just over 6 months ago it was when I walked out of that hospital, having had my bone marrow transplant. Weird thinking that this will be the first Christmas in this house cancer free. Maybe just now writing this , and reading what I am writing is making me feel like it’s real. Maybe only now am I starting to believe, that it’s true that a cancer free Christmas is possible. That we are going to have the cancer free Christmas we dream of. A bone marrow transplant is a 3 week minimum operation, going into some dark places. Yet I still give myself grief, that I am not as strong as I feel I should be. Maybe my bar is set to high, set so high I won’t get there. Or maybe I have a need within me to encourage as many people on this planet as possible. That they can, where they think they can’t that they CAN. 

  
There are many people in my circle I admire, people I look up to, people that have stood by me and stood by Andie no matter what. I will continue to expect of myself and continue to do. Because the thought of not doing just feels so Empty, it’s not what we are made of. To demand more of yourself is not a bad thing, if you are able to look around you and appreciate the world you live in. To appreciate the life you have been given, enjoying the sounds and sites the world has to offer. Knowing it’s because you did that you enjoy today.

Enjoy your week running up to the day, we remember the birth of Jesus.

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

Life’s normal until something changes.

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Cancer changes lives by there becoming a new normal. Some may even say that normal does no exsist after you have been touched by cancer. I don’t know about that, but what is a very real fact is that many people that have suffered cancer do not ever find what’s normal again. I do have an idea for a solution though. I do feel it’s appropriate to know where you are going, to have an end game goal. It does however seem to me that people are putting to much pressure on themselves to be the normal that they were. That it’s unacceptable to have a new normal, does normal exsist on a daily basis.i think people confuse normal with comfort or continuity, that life has no change in it. Is it not the change that we face that causes people to feel depressed. Is it not mearly how we interpret the change that we face and how we choose to deal with it. I know depression is not a choice, but positivity is. Speaking good, happy and nice things are a choice.

  
People don’t like change and that is a fact, we like things to be predictable. Unfortunately cancer is far from predictable, I think in allot (not all) it’s our attitude to what may be ahead that may mean that we are able to beat it or not. Depression is after all a state of mind, and only those that have depression may disagree because they are happy to predict that they will be depressed tomorrow. People that say they are depressed will be that way, that is unless the person suggests it may be the case and are not happy to be in this state. 
What I say to people is, you are what you want yo be. If you say it, it’s so. I have heard it argued that depression is a condition, I agree. But it’s a condition you choose to NOT have, someone today put it like this. I am in that black hole they call depression, the place where everything seems bad. 

Please don’t misunderstand me I know only to well what it feels like to feel helpless,mot not want treatment anymore. To not have the strength to carry on. I know how it feels to have no answers, to put into google the word “positivity” because I was in a place where I had non. So never think that I don’t know what it’s like to be at my lowest eb because I do. I really do.

When I wake everyday, I do my best to say positive things, to avoid at all costs the black hole. We say what we are, and we believe what we say. Why wouldn’t we after all we are the person we know best in the world, so if we say we are depressed we are right. Yes that’s right you are, because you said it. Oh rest assured you will be depressed if you have said it, say it again and you will be even more. You say you can’t do something your right. The only person stopping you doing anything is you, the only person giving you the ability to say yes is you. 

  
You are the solution to your happiness, yes of course if your happy to be in that condition you will disagree with this whole blog.mpositivity is an action, a decision. These are my opinions based on my own journey, I am not a doctor, but I am drawing on choices I make everyday. Start speaking life to yourself, start telling yourself your happy to be alive. I wonder how long it will be before you realise that day you do that, that you have had a better day.
Have a great day
Fonz
http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Our support group on our FB

https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 

Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

1 in 4 they said.

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I was reading a blog today by Vera juice. She has had cancer to, I know her name but I won’t say here. As I read her words on death and how she felt whilst in hospital, watching an old lady live her last days. Reading how she felt and what she wanted to be able to do. I was taken straight back to that room, the room where I had my isolation. There were 4 isolated rooms on that ward and non of us saw each other. Only sent messages to each other via the nurses. It was pretty much stated that 1 out of the 4 in those rooms died every month. I cannot tell you the courage required just to walk through those doors knowing it could be me. Knowing you quite literally put your life on the line to get your life back.

It got me thinking reading Vera’s blog, what that lady would be remembered for. She had no visitors, surly there were people in the world that loved her. But what would she be rembered for? I don’t imagine she had a huge amount of cash next to the bed. Was she a good grandma, did she even have children of her own. What would she be remembered for? Which in turn got me thinking about what I would be remembered for, not being a good dad (I hope) because I have no children. Maybe being a good friend to others will be what I am remembered for, or helping people who are experiencing cancer is what I will be remembered for, a good brother? A good husband, I believe so. A good son, I could have been better, and believe I am better today. 
If anything is better today than it was, it’s because of cancer. It’s because having the courage to be put in a 1 in 4 situation of passing away I now have the positives in my life. In fact you are indeed reading something that maybe I will be remembered for. If your a great grandparent you will be remembered by your grandchildren, there is your legacy. In fact today one of my friends recalls through historic records that a grandfather back in the 1700’s was knighted. How wonderful that 300 yrs later we still remember this person because of the good he did. 

  
So what’s the point of this blog, what’s the 1 in 4 about. It reminded me of a lady that was in the end room, sadly she did not make it. Her last days were in that room, and it could have so easily have been me. That’s why I write, to encourage you to choose to make a differance. Someone close to me said “your blogs make you appear successful” they do I said, maybe that’s because I beat cancer. He smiled in agreement. What ever people remember about you when your no longer here, make sure is a good one, make sure they can smile at the life you lived.  But whatever you do, smile laugh remembering it’s not what u do when they are gone. It’s what you do in your life, not what you have that you will be remembered for.

Wow and I had no inspiration for this blog, thanks Vera. X

Have a great weekend

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. 

What’s the worst part of cancer?

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The not knowing, is without doubt the hardest. Being in a situation where you are not able to know what your future holds is hard in itself. It’s a place where you can’t do anything about your future, all you can do is wait for your diagnosis. You don’t know how hard you need to hit, you are not able to prepare yourself for the road ahead.myour in limbo until your told what you have. I remember the day I was diagnosed like it was 5 minutes ago. But my brain struggles to recall the days leading up to it, the tests after tests after tests. You find yourself at the lowest point in your life, tears roll down your face for no apparent reason. It’s like you know that the you that is now, is gone forever. It’s almost as though you are starting to grieve who you were, but yet you can’t grieve because you don’t know what you are grieving yet.All you do know is that you may have cancer, the more tests that are done the more the likley hood is that you do have cancer. But how do you fight it, is it terminal? How long do I have to live? What stage am I at? How will my family cope? All of these thoughts and many many more flood through your mind ALL the time. I remember looking up at the sky one night, thinking how selfish the people on the plane were that I could see, did they not know what I may be facing. It’s a strange place to be not knowing. It is without doubt the hardest point in my life until then. The words that would come out of the consultants mouth were to change my life forever. 

  
They kept predicting the stage that my possible cancer was at. 2 a was possible at first but within the space of 2 months the probability had gone up to 4a. I mean I can’t tell you how that makes you feel, the emotional roller coaster leading up to the diagnosis day. So many things were said that day, but the only word I really heard was “cancer” then that I would die quickly without treatment. It’s the time were you need your friends more than you ever did, just to take your mind off things and bring you back to some kind of old reality again. When you grieve the death of a family member, it’s not nice how you feel inside. Yet that’s exactly what I felt whilst waiting for diagnosis, grieving the me that had gone, knowing the you that you know would never be again. That there would be a new you that you did not know! 
I am now 5 1/2 years on from diagnosis, I still morn the old me. At the same time I am starting to love the new me, while at the same time learning to live my life in new boundaries. I guess I was fortunate that my cancer was treatable, but I would have loved to have just gone under the knife once to remove it it’s never that simple though is it. All this time having treatment yet I have