Transplant 2 years in.

Tags

camcer, chemo, encouragement, hope, love, marriage, survivor, transplant, wife

Transplant 2 years in.

It’s incredible how things have changed from this day 2 years ago to today. 2 years ago today right now I would be having my first chemo in isolation having had my Hickman line fitted in the morning. I remember who was there for me, my friend Karl who was so amazingly supportive during my stay in hospital doing jobs for me back at our house. My wife is so impeccable at the detail wrote everything down from day to day during my transplant. Whist I don’t like to look back on negative things I just move on normally. But it’s reasonable to say it’s important to look back, so others who face the same can learn from my experience possibly. Your brain is a powerful instrument and I think shuts off from us the trauma we experience at certain times in our lives. That’s why my wife’s write ups are invaluable when looking back at my transplant journey.  For sure I don’t mind telling you I proberbly cried more in the first 24 hours in isolation than possibly any other 24 in the whole of my life before. 

There are two things you never need to chase in life. They are true friendships and true love. Both of which ironically we have no control over.  People that truly love you will be there for you as they were there for me. People that don’t really care about you will not be in touch with you at all. 

My Hickman line was playing up, although I don’t remember much about it. I made friends in that hospital that sadly I am not able to peruse due to hospital protocol. Dr Salem, Heather and Kim. The girls were like my Angels, there for me when ever I needed it. I am not able to get across to you just how amazing the people that work for the NHS are. They are committed and conscientious and vital to the health of us all in the UK. You will never realise how important the NHS is until you need it. There are some that disagree with me, but you have to remember that they do the best with what they have. 

If I have any advice for anyone who has this to face, don’t try and make your friendships happen. They will take care of themselves, the ones that are really important will make it through to the end. Aside of my family my wife Andie, Paul Benson, Johnny Wilson, Karl Boardman, and Simon Naylor were the people that kept me motivated. Phone calls not talking about cancer were a great relief in that small room.  Our cancer stories group which was small back the, had so many faithful people in it that were a great support. To name a few, Rob Fiscbeck, Liz Peters, Eileen Almond, our late friend Eileen Salmon, Judith Taylor, jean Anderson and Deanna Perich, were all good people and many many more that helped along with the whole Cancer stories group. My dad rang me everyday, if your reading this and your supporting someone in cancer. NOT talking about cancer is the best conversation you can have. 

You find out what’s truly important in times like these, aside of friendships. Peace with yourself, God and the planet is vital. What was can not be changed. But the future is in your hands and for sure you can make a differance in this world if you want to.

I guess what I am trying to say is, treasure what you have and enjoy what you have to the fullest. One day medicine won’t be my saviour, but I have and do know true freindship and true love in my life. I leave you today with a song Johnny Wilson gave to me when I went in for my transplant. The 3 weeks that changed me and my outlook forever. I only hope that someone reads this today and listens to this song and it helps you to realise the good you have in your life.

Be good to one another.

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience) 

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. I

Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone

 else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
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Copyright ©2017

No idea what to write!

Tags

berievment, journey, life, parents, wife, writers block

Never have I been so short of words, 

My dream last night made me wake in tears,

An empty feeling makes me lost for words,

I dreamt my dad had left this world.

.

The realisation, perhaps from God,

That that day will come no matter what,

That our parents are here, but not for long.

The feeling of grief grips me still.

.

I know it’s morbid to tell you this, 

But what I feel stays with me still,

The emotions feelings and fears I have,

Are there still today that’s why I can’t write.

.

We’ve one life, and parents to,

If we have them still then we should smile.

Thank you both for giving me life,

Because of you I met my wife.

.

  
Mark Blackwell  18/01/2016

Only a wife can do this.

Tags

bowie, brother, Emile, hope, love, wife

I have been remembering a lot lately, and asked Cancer stories to think of a song that meant something to us all in 2016. This is the song my wife dedicated to me when I thought I was not able to carry on anymore.

When I imagined in my minds eye, what a happy home looked like. It never had cancer in it, there were pictures in my mind like. My wife sat on a window seat reading a good book, with rain running down the window pains. I imagined our cat out stretched in front of an open fire. Our Labrador cuddled up to me on the floor whilst I blogged, or wrote to encourage people around the world maybe. 

Well it’s not quite like that, my wife is reclined on the settee watching a favourite movie, I am writing in the other room and our Labrador is playing with my feet, oh and it’s raining outside. Makes me wonder why I have not made a window seat, maybe I should do.

  www.trendingsiny.com
Only my wife can look across at me and tell me a thousand words with one look, only we have the 12 years exsperience of each other (nearly). As I write to you, or for you, I smile. I smile because I am able in the only way I know, tell you how it is, how I feel, what my dreams are and while they are not quite as I imagined them to be. I have to say I am really happy with the reality of what I have hoped for. While to have the reality we have, we now understand there has to be sad days to know what the good days are. To know how truly good, those good days actually are. I mean how can we know what the sweet tastes like with out knowing how sour really is.

Cancer may have done its best to evict me from the big brother house, but because of cancer I know how sour can really be. Therefore the sour being a gift to us all, being a benchmark as to how bad it can be. Making us appreciate what we have today, not what could be but the reality of our happy place. Love your now, now.

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Our support group on our FB
https://m.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536
It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own.

H.O.P.E.

Tags

belief, help, hope, others, remmission, together, wife

Morning everyone, even though it’s just seemingly another day. For me this is no ordinary day. It’s a day where we (me and Andie) can look at each other and see the relief in our faces. We can see the strength that our relationship has in each other’s eyes. We feel relief and release knowing that together we have done all we can to beat cancer. How amazing my wife feels, it’s a beautiful thing to see that in someone’s face. The emotion that runs through our veins having beaten cancer together twice, must be over whelming. 

  
During this second journey I was completely the opposite to how I handled it last time. Sadly I did not want to speak to anyone, communicate about cancer in anyway. I locked myself away and only a few people knew what we were facing. It’s true to say, although I had to work very hard to get to this day with no cancer in my body. That no matter what the outcome was going to be I was absolutely committed to telling my story. I was passionate that people (men especially) would get anything sinister checked out thus saving lives. 

  
Cancer has the ability to take even your inner belief, your drive, passion, and ruin your life. We refused to allow that to happen, Andie has been so strong in this process. Now is the time for us to reaffirm why we are together. To rest together, walk on the sand together. To hold hands, and remind each other that we love each other. That cancer has been sent packing. It’s a phenomenal thing to have achieved, massive. Along the journey we have made many friends because we were open to Hearing Other People’s Experience. That’s what Cancer stories has helped us all by us Hearing other people’s Exsperience. = HOPE.  It’s give us all Hope. I have certainly had to learn to listen, I am always to quick to talk. Listening is a true skill and one I am trying to perfect. 

  
There are so many things to be grateful for, but the people around us that give us hope, they are priceless. You have the ability to give someone hope, you have the potential to encourage someone so much they choose life. They decide because of you to be a better them. I was told the other day (constructively) that my blogs are repetitive repetative. I am not so sure they are, but what I do know is that they give hope to someone every day. That’s gotta be worth doing right? So I will continue regardless. My cancer may be gone but the journey continues. Your don’t all of a sudden lose all your side effects when your told your in remission. 

  
So today I ask YOU this. Will you give someone hope today, listen to them and help someone to realise there is hope for them to. Everyone has had experiences that can benefit others, it’s our job to listen to them.

Have a great day

Fonz

http://www.fonzandcancer.com
Follow me on Twitter
@fonzmark
Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.