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The doors.

I want to talk to you about what it takes to even be accepted for a bone marrow transplant. Not the ordeal itself but what needs to be achieved to make it happen. 

  Obviously as you all know I had ABVD chemo to save my life in 2011 being weeks or months from being compromised by death. 

The hardest thing to do in life is to step into the unexpected, to walk through the doors. I was on holiday in October last year with my men, the silverback tribe as Skyman calls it, started by the man that’s half man. If he reads it he will know.

1 memory was Christmas Eve last year, having to walk through the doors of the day theatre, my mind had left me as I put the rather fetching socks on and I lost all control. I had gotten to the doors. The last time I had my lump removed from my neck I was awake. This time I would have a general to achieve this. Scared I was. Terrified even. But I still had to walk through the doors myself, I had to actually open that door myself. Tears streamed down my face as I pushed it open. I was determined to achieve anything it took to rid myself of this.


But I had a choice I could of just not tried.


I chose to do that pushing on them seeing them all washed up ready for me. I prayed out loud, “God please help me, please Holy Spirit guide the surgeons hands” he said amen then told me to have a little sleep. I walked into the day surgery in a rocky robe and left in a rocky robe. The only difference being I drove there and Andie drove back. Imagine people looking over as I sang to eye of the tiger whilst driving there.


Then there was the fear of the dentist, I looked like marlon Brando at 1 point in the ICE chemo due to abscesses in my mouth and sounded like him. As a consequence I had to have 8 teeth out. As non healthy teeth can compromise you when having the Beam chemo in hospital to have the stem cell transplant. Or bone marrow transplant. A miracle that happens on that day.

Getting to the hospital on a Friday I had 4 teeth out then 4 the following Monday both the first appointment. I had injections galore, 1 deep in the roof of my mouth that made me cry out in pain. But it kinda made me more determined whilst also making the tears roll more. Those doors had to be walked through to, it takes a special person to be even accepted to have this miracle given to you of transplant. Not everyone gets accepted. But quite obviously I did.


Once all that’s complete with other challenged brushed over to make this blog quicker to read whilst having your morning drink. It was the doors of the room for my transplant I had to walk through. HARD people enter that room. I was weak as a kitten scared of all that I would face. But broke it down into minutes which turned into impossible hours completed. Then days. I ate constantly even though the pain I exsperienced went from 2-10 in a second of a mouthful every time.

So now you have a good idea, apart from those that have faced this, of what it takes to just walk through the doors. I hope your doors are another hard to open today.

Much love 



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Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own.