What it takes to beat Cancer.

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Have you ever wondered, ever caught yourself thinking how hard it must be to beat Cancer. I did even before I got it. Chemotheropy what on earth was that. It was far far worse than I imagined. Far worse. I am hopefully going to help you understand, maybe even educate you a little if you don’t know. You see on hearing the words (it’s upsetting just to say it) 

  
“you have Cancer” is mind numbing. Me no they can’t be talking about me, that must be the wrong file. I am fit as a fiddle. It’s just a lump in my neck. You want to look around at the people in the room and hope you see someone with a joker hat on or something. Make no mistake Cancer like allot of serious illnesses is a hard place to be. It’s a horrific thing to even understand. 

You see first you have to accept that you have Cancer, which takes days weeks even months. I played down what I faced to everyone saying ridiculous things like. “It’s just a cold” not only is that unkind to anyone facing Cancer, it’s dismissive to the mountain you have to climb. You lose friendships, you lose strength, you lose focus. Lose momentum and even the will to live. All these emotions have to be overcome whilst dealing with that thing they call Cancer. I am going to put some pictures of me up in this blog. It may even carry on for a couple of days trying to help you understand how hard beating Cancer really is. 

  
 You will proberbly be aware that chemo happens, scans happen and people raising money happens. Cancer is a huge part of someone’s life when they face it. It does not just come you beat it then it goes. It changes you and your family and the people that truly love you forever. It’s a wake up call, a bright light in the darkness, not a light that makes you see better one that is so bright you have to cover your eyes. You can’t look it’s that bright. You find yourself looking for anything, but not Cancer. U end up hating talking about it.  Getting annoyed when people ask you if your ok. OK are you mad, course I am not ok. I have Cancer, how can I be alright. All you want is for someone to come and sit with you. To forget about Cancer for the time they are there. You want them so badly to realise what shit you are faced with without telling them anything.

I have a couple of dear friends that did that for and with me. People I will never ever forget, people that could see in my eyes the battle I faced. They realised it, because they felt love for me. They felt the hurt to, and dearly wanted me to be free of it. 

  
Ridding yourself of Cancer takes belief, it takes commitment. It takes Faith, hope, courage and the strength to stand tall no matter what. Always keeping your self respect even if you don’t have much, there is nothing private in the Cancer world. I hoped people would just bring food  so my wife did not have to cook, I hoped someone could come to take the pain away. The only cure for pain is laughter, friends that can take your mind off it for a while. People like grass man, the shop keeper, the gardener, people that can do this are so valuable in your recovery. They don’t even know they are doing that thing because it’s just natural. 

  
To love a person, by distraction and taking away the memory you are fighting Cancer is a very real and amazing thing to do for any sufferer. To keep laughing is a great medicine. One I needed anyway and I hope that I speak for ALL sufferers everywhere, never dismiss a fight someone is having. Because here is the thing, you are fighting something. It may seem insignificant to some other people but to you it’s a very real battle. Big or small, who has the right to say a battle is small. They are battles end of. Unfair battles.

  
I believe whatever we face is to help us to (hear is the word) empathise with someone else. Without what you are facing you cannot and will not understand what, and how hard something can be. Think of the very worst that can happen whilst you have been here. Use that to encourage and empathise with others, use your fight to benefit the life of someone else. Can you. Of course you can, share it.

  
Outside the Lynda mcarntney centre the first place I went, after being allowed out of isolation, to try and tell people about our group that is helping so many.  Cancer stories (friends) on FB 

I want you to do something for me. I want you to ask me a question, ask me what ever you like about Cancer. Don’t be shy because I want to help the world to know what this thing people call Cancer is
Ask me anything.

Please share, it’s only a click and I have shared my heart with you
Mark

http://www.fonzandcancer.com 

The thing people call Cancer.

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How are you today, just living another day. Taking the kids to school, off to work? Maybe you have a day off. Maybe your healthy maybe your not. Maybe your happy maybe your not. But one thing I hope for you and that is that your Cancer free. That you are able to live a full life, a life where you can give to your kids in full health, love those that love you to the best of your ability not held back by disease or inflictions. Many times I have watched the Cancer add where they ask for £2 a week for Cancer research. I choke up every time it comes on knowing that Cancer research has saved my life. The sad reality is that many people have died with what I have (or had) there are many people with life changing problems that have changed their lives, I am most definitely not the only one. Who knows why some get Cancer and others don’t. Who knows why I had it twice and some other people don’t get it at all. But then there is always someone far worse off than I or you will ever be.

  
 It came to me whilst sat here, that there is someone else in the room I was in, isolated from the world with the view that I had. I cried audibly for the person that’s in there right now. Memories of how it felt to be in there came back clear as day. The people that called me whilst in there, helping that moment to be better came to my mind. The people that thought about me, about how I was feeling as apposed to what they are faced with. Honourable, kind, giving people. People that are selfless and considerate. People are amazing and you don’t know how amazing until you are outside of your comfort zone. Only when you go into a place your uncomfortable with, or that you are not familiar with do you really find out your substance. What your really made of. Do you know what your made of? Do you know yourself, I mean really know you?

  
Life can be so much more than we have or are. I should be dead, that is a fact. That’s why I write to you everyday, encouraging you to be more than what you have become. Because you are. I remember watching the film with that line in for the first time “the Lion king”  it took a long time for me to become more than I had become. To be honest it happens everyday that I become more than I had become yesterday.

YOU ARE MORE THAN WHAT YOU HAVE BECOME x

Mark

Love

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Good morning, I don’t know if I have done a blog on this subject. But this is what today’s is called. It’s something we as humans need. It’s required for us to function . I am going to ask you a question now. When was the last time that you told the people you love that you actually do Love them. I am sure some men find it all weird when we say those words. “I love you” I have never had a problem with saying those words myself. But meaning them now that’s a different story. 

  
Today is Sunday, a day of worship some say. Some say it’s important to go to church today because it’s Sunday. Some say we should go to a place of worship on a Saturday. Does it matter really, does it really matter what day we goto church. Does it matter if indeed we go to church, will we get punished. Myself I don’t think it matters, what I think matters is how you are to your fellow man. A church will teach younger people that love and respect is a good thing, that respecting those older is important. Now there is nothing wrong with any of that right.

  
Love is a gift that we choose to give to each other, from one person to another. It’s a priceless gift, yet it costs nothing. Does it matter what race, creed or colour so one is, not to me. But it still matters how those people treat others, it still matters that they are loved as well. Personally I love to do things that show love to others, giving not taking. It does not need to be big, like a dog guard for the car, it can be something simple, like picking up a paint brush and helping. The action does not matter as long as it’s to make the other person feel better, and make the other person feel like they are special. 

It’s comes down to you again doesn’t it, you are in control of this.. How you love your wife, husband, children, parents, brother, sister, or a friend. It’s your choice how you make them feel, it’s your choice what you do to make them feel loved. I know how a simple drawing, a painting. I know how much love and energy those little girls gave to me by showing me love! by doing those simple things for me. What’s amazing is you can’t see what you have done, when you show someone love. But one thing I do know, that is that, even after you have shown that person, and given love to that person. It stays with them even after you have left where they are. 

  
To Love can be a hard thing to do, it involves humility. It involves vunrability, and the willingness to put yourself open to be hurt. It’s about doing and being the best we can be. If we are the best we can be no one can ask more than that. I love the moment when you choose to love someone, and you see their eyes light up. You just can’t exsplain the energy that gives. It’s like an internal cleanse that makes you feel amazing. 

Choose love today, choose to make someone’s day allot better than without you in it.

Mark

Your a winner

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Good morning, I want to take a look at what makes you a winner. Yes you, not someone else you, the person that’s in control of your destiny. You CAN achieve anything you want to, you can actually achieve more than you will ever know you can. People love you and you don’t notice, people give to you and you exspect it. Everything people do for you is from the heart, people care about you so much. You just need to open your eyes, the more you do for others the more they do for you. What I have realised whilst doing this blog, is that there is no point expecting people to share what you have done. No one will share the same passions you do, they have their own beliefs not yours. It’s up to us to take an interest in what they are doing, if you do this they will want to do something for you. 

  
So many people I see judging people as opposed to accepting people. The so called religion they want you to follow is swamped by people that want to judge you as opposed to love you. Well if you believe the last statement then you don’t know real people that love a real God. The people you know are people that believe words and are not alive in truth.

  
Is God really a God that has given us a life and wants us to give up all we have available to us. Well it’s you I want to talk about and how God sees you is most certainly more amazing than your opinion of yourself will ever be. YOU are the most amazing person on the planet. YOU have an opportunity that no one else has, but rest assured if you don’t take that opertunity someone else will. 

You are beutiful your unique, your the only person that looks like you. I would dearly love to be perfect, and be able to say I have Made no mistakes.  That’s not true, if it’s true in your world I respect you, for no other reason than I have never met a perfect person before.

  
You are however the key to opening someone’s eyes. Your the antidote someone needs, your the medicine that will encourage someone. You CAN. All you have to say is that one word. Because you CAN that does not mean that it is a fact that’s about to happen. You have to say the word. 

I remember a moment with one of my friends, he stood up purposefully flinging his chair backwards. He then made the choice to leave and three of us followed. I hope you have the strength within to make your stand for what ever it is you believe in. 

  
I say I WILL, Will you?

Be the winner you are.

Fonz

Follow me, I will follow back. 😊
http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience) 

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 

Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own.

Copyright © 2016

rainbow…haiku

Very inspirational.

To Wear A Rainbow...

http://chevrefeuillescarpediem.blogspot.in/2015/06/carpe-diem-754-meadow.html

Carpe Diem 754 meadow

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

( picture…my own)

the colorful rainbow

arising from the green meadows

happiness and hope

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When You Lose Weight, Where Does it Go? The Answer May Surprise You

Mitch Kirby

Recently, I was sitting and thinking about all of the diet and exercise suggestions that constantly bombard us from all sides. While trying to determine which techniques would likely yield the largest benefits, I decided to start from the beginning and attempted to answer a seemingly simple question: When we lose weight, where does the weight go? When the fat from our waistline disappears, what happens to it? Answering this question was actually way more difficult than I imagined at the start, and forced me to think back to my time as a molecular biology major in order to answer the question effectively.

After uncovering the answer for myself, I asked others to think about the question to see if the solution was more obvious to them than it was to me. Shockingly, even many physicians I asked were unable to answer this question accurately and completely. Below are the most popular answers…

View original post 980 more words

Yesterday

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Morning, I wonder how you are today. I was just thinking, I wonder why we would remember yesterday. Why would I personally want to remember yesterday. I mean I know more than I did yesterday, I am a better person than I was yesterday. I am older than I was, and wiser than I was. Everything is past tense, so why remember it, why do we as humans want to drag up our sometimes painful past, is there a point in that. I mean a real tangerble reason for us to do that? What’s positive about it, well I want to explore that.

For me, yesterday’s problems should stay there, there is only one reason for me to look back and that is to remind myself of a lesson that I once learnt to improve my day today. 

  
If my thoughts make today worse I tend to try and stop that thought process at once. As far as I can see there is no reason what so ever to recall something negative, what’s the point in a conversation that is not positive, and does not positively effect people’s lives. I mean we can all have fun, but does it need to be poking fun at someone. 

  
It’s just about learning today to make tomorrow a better day. You can be a better person tomorrow, but WILL you choose to be. 

  
I guess there are some victims on the planet that are happy to be sad, I once heard a story (I don’t know it to be fact) that a minister said to a disabled person, “do you want to be healed” the person responded by saying “no”  because they did not want to lose the benifit they get. Not thinking that the disability has stopped the person could have been a blessing to others for so very long. We can all hold on to that, which slows us down. Or we cand stand and move forwards to a better day leaving yesterday behind. It does not matter what you did yesterday, it matters what you chose to do today.

  
Mark

Success

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Good morning, I hope  you slept well. What on my mind today, well success.  I guess some people look at what you have to see how successful we are. Is that the right measure though?  Is it? I mean you see someone in a range rover. I always wonder how much that costs a month. It’s about how you are perceived by others, that’s how it should be measured. How others see you, not how big your bank balance is. When I started doing this blog properly I was in hospital, when you go in there, you have nothing. No jewlery, no watch. It’s just you really nothing more. It’s just you, no gimmicks no add ons just you. 

  
It was interesting seeing how people saw me, because it didn’t change. They way people were towards me, or how I was towards them. There was no Change at all, why? Well I believe that’s all about my attitude to the situation. Not people’s attitude towards me. See people feed off of you, they look to you to see how to respond to you. They actually want you to tell them how to respond. We all tell each other how to respond by our body language or how we hold ourselves, or our tone of voice. Dependant on if the person can see you or not. I always try to respond with an upbeat tone, which actually means people are more inclined to ask how you are. I guess that’s because you are more likely to say “yea good” or “great how are you” 

My measure of success is not in things, or how I am perceived. For me it’s about making someone smile, making their day better in some way even if that’s just a smile, because to make someone smile is priceless. Because they chose to do that because of how you are. You just changed the direction of someone’s day because you made them smile. What a gift, how special that someone enjoyed your words enough to make them smile. They enjoyed looking at you enough to make them smile.  It’s what I desire to see in everyone I meet, it’s a need to see or hear a smile.

  If someone smiles with you, I believe they respect you.
Let’s take Lewis Hamilton as an example. Recently I have been very impressed with the man not the racing driver. How Lewis has smiled at the interviewer, and not taken on the subject they want to speak of. He has smiled through it and redirected the media to where he wants them to be. He is quite obviously a very intelligent man. Those that look at the bling are also being misdirected, it’s all part of the clever use of how we as people perceive others. lewis knows that people measure success by things, but he also know what’s really important. That combination would make anyone a winner. 

In the picture above, I was facing losing my life, I am sure you can see the concern in my face, but yet I still smile. Why? Because winners smile but successful people make others smile.

There is nothing like it in the world to touch someone’s heart that they have to smile. Money can’t buy that, only you could have made that happen at that moment. So you see, the measure of a man is not what you have. But how you can affect someone’s life in a good way.  

 A smile from someone else to you is priceless.  

Mark

Lion heart

Good morning, although this blog will only just go out in the am due to my body needing so much sleep last night. The more I do the more I sleep, and I am not talking walking we are just talking menial tasks that seem to tire me out beyond comprehension. 

So Lions, personally I would watch a wild life programme on Lions over most things. What I love about a Lion is their strength and power. But what I love most is their ability to be gentle with each other. I love to see people with quite obvious strength, using their sensitivity and intelligence as apposed to the power and strength they have in their arm.  

 This picture says it all to me, a huge power house of a Lion with his paws around his cub. It’s a picture I can look at, and I get allot out of seeing animals showing affection for each other.  As men we seem to shy away from public displays of affection, although I don’t care a jot what anyone may think these days. 

Lions protect, they have a way of encouraging their young even if we do see things differently to these massive, wild cats have a heart of Gold. But not to be messed with. They use the surroundings to the best if their abilities and maximise food sources for the prides best. However when you delve deeper into the mentality of a Lion we find that similar to humans there can be to many bosses in a pride. It’s preferable to have one head of the pride.

A Lion walks with purpose, but also works well in a team. There are allot of lessons that we as humans can learn from a Lion.  Working with each other is far better than working against each other. It goes back to a bible verse that has come into my mind.

Where there is unity God COMMANDS a blessing ps 133v1 

  When two people decide to make a life together, there is unity. Often shown by marriage. This is a picture of 2 brothers who quite obviously care about each other. They are not weary of each other they just accept each other for who they are.
Many times throughout my life I have wanted to change someone, whilst now I see this as wrong what’s right. Well I think acceptance is the key. Accepting who each other is I think is very important, when you just accept someone there is now nothing in the way. Only your decision to accept that person for who they are. It’s only in this acceptance do we get release from ourselves. Yes ourselves, because demands placed by us, on someone else to be different is our demand which puts us under pressure. The other person will be blissfully unaware whilst you have yourself under pressure. 

  
 

Be who you are, love who you are, and love who you and others have become. Whilst understanding we can be so much more than we have become.

Mark

Moving forwards

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Morning,  how are you today? I hope very well, there will be many that are not very well however. There will be many facing a challenge today. Maybe even something allot bigger than I can imagine. One thing I have learnt, and I learnt off my brother not Cancer. Is that moving forwards is the most important. See every day it’s our choice to get up and move forwards. It’s our choice if we let the circumstances get the better of us. It’s strange as I am getting older, the distance I move forwards is nowhere near as far as it was when I was in my 20’s and full of zeal. But I am also finding I am not having to pay for the mistakes I made rushing around trying to do things quicker. My brother taught me an important lesson, although I am not so sure he has listened to his own advice. 

  
This picture really touched me yesterday, because how far are we all from this really. A sentence, a salary. It is but for the grace of God that we have today. Everything can be taken from us in an instant. A fall that renders us incapable of working, something so simple like loosing your footing can change the whole direction your life is heading in. So for me it’s about being grateful for what we do have, not rushing to get the next thing. It’s about enjoying what we have worked so hard to achieve. Being grateful for what we have, and not straining at the leash to GET more. Rather to rest and enjoy what we are given today, whilst still moving forwards.

Have you ever wondered what direction your life would have gone if you had just said 1 sentence to 1 person. I have, but in a different way. What would have happened if I had not spoken to my Andie on that day nearly 11 years ago. I became we, but 11 years ago it was all about I, now it’s about we because we is so much stronger than I. 

  
In your life as long as you are moving forwards and doing your best, who can ask for more than that. You must never give up, because as I keep saying every time the sun rises is a new opertunity to have a new start. Today is what matters, and what you do in today matters.  You can’t change yesterday, but you can sure change what happens today. It’s your choice to make, what will you choose, I know what I am choosing, your reading it, but I just want to end with some mum humour and give you another instalment of the faith diaries. 

On the day I received this card I was on my 5th day of chemo in isolation at royal LIVERPOOL hospital. 
Dear Dad and Mum, Wuff! 

I must say Dad, your holiday is going on a bit. However, I have had it carefully explained to me by Grandad that you at coming back soon. I am being good for you Dad. Only thing is, my memory is getting shorter! We come back from our walks with one less ball a day which makes Grandad a bit moody. Grandma says it’s my hormones that make me forgetful. What are hormones?? 
My favourite place to run is in the long grass. Yesterday I found and fondled 3 dead rabbits which made Grandma  a bit and flap her arms. I had to walk away…not worth the agro! 
Did I tell you I have learned to play snout ball? It can be played in the garden with a ball just too big for my mouth. I sit and the ball is thrown, and I hit it back with my nose for Grandma to catch. This happens many times and we are both really good at it!
I have sent you a picture of me with another dog. I don’t recognise her but my memory is bad! I think the ball must be mine though, and it must be Wales where we went on holiday!?! It was fun that wasn’t it? I especially liked going on the kayak with you and Mum, and playing with Coco, my fatty friend. 
I am going to lie on my new bed now. The grandparents put my bed in the garage cos Grandma said it made her wheeze! Grandad also said rudely that it stank! I’ve got used to my new bed and I can have the old one which smells so lovely when I go home! 

Love Faith xx

 
Have a great day

Mark  

Destiny

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When I think about how I got to where I am, I am not quite sure how this party animal ended up here, As the picture suggests I am not unhappy about where we have ended up. All my blogs are about really is to help people (you) think outside of the box. (So to speak) not looking at what’s straight in front of you but looking a little further than you might have looked before. Less and less people read them so today I am going to learn how and where to put them. Because I am only using facebook and Twitter at the moment. I am gonna find some new avenues to exsplore today. Please feel free to share what has worked for others with me.

  
When I travelled across Australia, the only plans I had were to go from west (Perth) Australia to Brisbane on the north east coast. I had no idea how that would work out or who I would meet, but some memories I have are so well used you would think that they would be worn by now. Not so my memory works perfectly well, when thinking as far back as that. It’s things like remembering why I came in the kitchen that I struggle with, why have I got this knife in my hand that I struggle with. So I just stay away from sharps at the moment, you would be driving across the desert one moment. Then find yourself sat by a fire singing Kum by yar round a camp fire in the middle of the desert. When I say the middle I am not exaggerating. People from all over the world hooked up with us, a girl in her 40’s on a Harley, some hippies in an old vw camper. A guy who was in a 4×4 who had gone all the way round Australia, and somehow found himself with me for many many weeks.

   

  

 We did alsorts together, but one thing we never did is do what we wanted for ourselves it was always with each other in mind. Always looking out for the other person. I remember meeting a guy called Dan who lived in Hereford. He had left the police force to go travelling. I think we met in a back packers but sadly I have no contact anymore. He was meant to be there when he was though right. We went to manly beach, Adalaide. Many other places in Sydney too. How amazing if he read this blog and we got back in touch. 

You see the decisions you make are yours, you parents can try to advise you on their exsperiences but at the end of the day it comes down to you. No one else, you. Your decisions are not wrong but they define who you are, if you heart is pure and you have good intentions it will always take you to a place, but maybe it’s not where you intended. But maybe just maybe, God wanted you there. 
  

I believe everything happens for a reason, even getting Cancer twice. I am sure there is a reason for that to. I mean you would not be reading this if I had not had a bone marrow transplant that’s a fact. 

Happy Monday everyone.

Mark

Red or white.

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Good morning, I refer to this picture this morning. 

 its not a challenge, that I ask are you red or white. But I am sure that the red tulip means something to you.  For me it’s standing for what you believe, not being mowed over by the masses. Or does the red tulip look odd to you? I believe there are many ways to interpret this picture,  and I am sure you will get out of it what ever is right for you.

I have never been a follower, although I have been a person that has said what I think people want to hear from time to time. You learn as life continues that it’s more important to listen than it is to voice your opinions. Listening I think is one of the hardest things to do, and listening to the words as opposed to listening to give a reply. Does that make sense.

  For the rest of my life I will endeavour to listen to understand, I really had to kick myself when I read this yesterday. As I try to improve who I am everyday I live, I try to be better today than I was yesterday.  But have I always pushed my opinion on someone by listening to reply. Or do I put myself in someone else’s shoes, and see what it’s like to be in that position that person speaks of.  We all want to be liked, but I never want to be liked for saying what someone wants to hear rather to be myself without imposing myself on someone. To be pleasant whilst maintaining my own principles. 
When Jesus taught his disciples, he did it in stories he called parables, he made comparasums to their then everyday life. It was then up to the listener to draw what they needed from Jesus teachings. I have seen many leaders try to impose their opinions on people. Listening to understand I don’t hear much of, this does not have to be in the spiritual sense it can be as parents. Hearing what children’s ideas are is as important, as what our own opinions are. I remember a person listening to her sons idea of building a rocket, they built one out of a carboard box and crayons. His vision was a make believe rocket, and it was made to come alive by good listening skills. 

  What you were does not suggest who you will be. You decide every day, it’s your choice to make every morning. What you were does not define who you will be today, what yesterday does is give us more knowledge of what we were so we can be better today. Today should always be better than yesterday, unless of course we are drifting. Hey it’s your life to achieve in. It’s your life to do what you like with, I myself will always stand for what I believe. However listening to understand it a skill I want to hown today, as opposed to listening to impose my opinion. We all have our own opinions and not everyone wants to change or indeed is ready for change. 

But I will listen more from now on whilst standing tall. What will you do?

Mark  

Its alright

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Morning, every morning when I wake up. I have a subject for my blog,  I don’t have the subject when I go to sleep just when I wake. So this morning I had this advert running around in my head. 

I guess because today’s blog is not about Cancer or what we are facing its about how we deal with it, how we cope. What we do as people in the eye of adversity. What we say, our attitude, our manner. Our approach matters, it really does make a differance in our battle. You see some battles are over before we even have the fight. Why because we have won or lost it in our own minds. Its our choice how we face today. Its our choice how we prepare for tomorrow. 

  
Everyday I am alive I am determined to Win, I am a fighter. Today is not a day to fight though, today is a day where it’s gonna be alright. Its a day when we are gonna help the world be a little better. We not I. Because we are stronger together. We can and will, we will help others where we can. Why because we can, we can #makeitright I would love to hear how that worked out for you. Sometimes all it takes is to hold out your hand and say “let’s start again” 

  
Yesterday I picked up Trevor a day I had been looking forward to for some time, on the way back there was a guy behind that was a bit to close. Anyway he agrivated me, so on leaving a junction i blipped the throttle which created pressure in the water system bursting a pipe. The guy overtook me turned around and asked if he could bring any tools. He went brought me what I needed and I was able to go home.  That guy made it alright, it’s amazing what effect you can have on someone’s day if you want to. 

Remember how the car looked in yesterday’s blog to how it looks now. It took effort, it took patience. Now it looks alright, not as bad as it looked like it would be. But you know those wires are still there, but now they are doing a job. 

Have a great day making things right.

Mark

A day at a time.

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Gone are the days of rushing around trying to be in 10 places in a day, we kinda just accept what we have and enjoy what we have. It’s so nice to be in the place where your content, a place where you feel cared for loved and cherished. What could be better than that really. For me my wife has been the 1 person who has been there no matter what. She came into see me everyday, bringing me my coffee from Starbucks with a shot of Kenya, when I was in that room. It really made my mornings, and I looked forward to my coffee everyday. 

  How do you interpret this picture, does it excite you that you could catch such a wave, and surf it. Or (like me) does it remind you of the rat race. All of us heading somewhere, but if we stop we just get swallowed up by the masses that are right behind us. This daily blog that you are reading right now, I am committed to writing everyday for a year. A bit like my buddy who did a picture of himself every day for a year. It drove his wife mad. Here is a link to some of his work. Check it out.

People are awesome and you find out the substance of those people when you go through your own journey.  Today is going to be a great day. Today I will pick Trevor up and tomorrow we will make happen a vision my wife had in hospital. Driving through the Mersey tunnel to Brighton beach in Trevor. Wanna see pictures, if so let me know and I will tag you in the private album. Otherwise you won’t be able to see, see Trevor has been being fixed up whilst I have. It’s gonna be amazing to see that car come out of there. 

  You will be amazed at the differance to how it looks now as opposed to how it looked when I was in hospital. We were both a mess but not doing more than the day we are in was vital to our recovery. Having goals but concentrating on finishing today. So we can see the morning again. Then enjoy the day that morning has given us. I thank God for my life, and all the things we have been given, but most of all I thank God for opening my eyes to see what’s really important. I am sure we I’ll cover lots of topics over the next year. One thing is for certain, there will always be a positive end. Why because there is always the morning of a new day to look forwards to.
Enjoy your Friday.

Mark

Ps please follow me, you will be updated to every blog I put up hot off the press. I totally understand some will not want to share for personal reasons but where you can please share you don’t know who it may touch.

BLT

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Good morning, still sick in the morning nearly 3 weeks after transplant ah well. Anyway BLT. what does that mean to you. Well for me 10 years ago it meant Bacon lettuce and tomatoe, it still does. I never quite got it though putting veg with bacon just seemed so wrong somehow. Lots of things changed that year, I met Andie, I used to ride a super bike. Namely a Kawasaki 900r ninja. Me n Andie went everywhere on it, I went everywhere on it. I was blissfully unaware of many things in life.. Dangers of riding, they didn’t compute, BLT I did not even know what that meant and that’s the truth. I think it was a city thing, because I had always put eggs with bacon. 

  
I had been living life on the seat of my pants, I took this picture as I drove across the nulabor to remember what it looked and felt like. The awesomeness of nothing, the exspectancy of the unexpected. My Tango car with Whatsuuuuuup written on the back. My hair shaved as a mo hawk by an extremely old Barbar, and just going with it. That’s how it was back then, you never needed to plan anything because life was my own. Life was a daily exsperience, not a fight. I thought life was amazing and exspected everyday to be amazing.  

  
Untill the day we moved here, and I started to live a very different life. A life where I became aware of what Cancer meant, what living with Cancer was to be like. Learning how others dealt with it. The first time I got it (Hodgkin’s Lymphoma) I treated it like it was nothing, although I got upset and found myself looking at people just carrying on with life. Like I had before, wondering how they would cope if it was them. How would they deal with this thing. It became our lives. It took over like, well erm.. Cancer.

Skipping blissfully over the ins and outs of treatment, I believed I would beat it. Never once was that in doubt, but the point is I never did. It remained with me, I never felt well even though I was told I was in remission. It never felt like it to me. 

It was only after 3 years of so called remission I found out what BMT was to mean, how it would not only change me forever, but my mind set. My expectancy for life, the people that would remain. People you never would think turned their back, as had many so called life long friends previously. You learn who true friends are people like these people. 

 

People that accept you for who you are, what you have become and what you will be. People like this are hard to find. People you holiday with and enjoy their company relaxed in the knowledge they will take the mickey out of you anyway. We don’t speak about it, it’s natural and excellent in many ways.. There are 4 millionaires in this picture. Because we are rich in life, rich in happiness. We are rich because we know what true friendship means.  
Just like I now know what BMT means. I hope you never truly know what it means, but even though you may not have had one. Please respect anyone that’s had to face this in the life they have. Because you have to choose to face loosing your life to save it.

Enjoy what you have, because Bacon lettuce and tomatoe. Can so easily be BMT so live for today not what will or could be. It’s today that matters, and loving the people in it that matter.

Have a great day. 

Mark

Remembering the room.

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Good morning, apologies for the lateness today. I have to sleep when my body says sleep. .

So today I have woken up remembering all the nurses that have looked after me, the kindness they showed and how very very committed they all were and are with everyone that goes into that hospital for a transplant. They are so passionate about their job, I wish I could name them but I don’t think it’s fair and I may get a bit of a telling off from the ward sister if I did. She would be laughing now if she read this, you see putting me in that room was like caging a lion. I had to convince myself that a lion had a worse deal than I did, as they had years of being caged. Only let out to be hit and jump through hoops of fire.  I had my Andie there every day, and we did things like saying thank you to all the people we could remember that had been there for us. Putting cards up with their names on. Maybe even your name was on it. Here was the post if you missed it.

Thank you

There is a huge amount of people that have supported both me and Andie whilst going through this process. I know you know who you are. If we missed you off I will blame it on chemo brain. Although I have no excuses for Andie.

When I look at life and the deal we have been dealt I guess it would be all to easy to say, negative statement. But I steer well clear of that. Because there is always someone worse off than we are. I mean babies that have not even had a chance at life. People with life long issues that are there no matter what, we have and you have allot to be grateful for. I just rest these days when I see people dragging all that rubbish around with them. Getting angry on the roads. I really try not to make other people’s issues my own these days. After all we have enough to deal with without worrying what others are doing as well. 

  
All to often we look at the problem though as opposed to just enjoying what we have. We used (well more me) strive for more, bigger house. Better car Ect Ect. Now I have started to enjoy what we have as opposed to striving for the next thing. If we rest and just let God. Life has a different aspect. One of peace, love and fullness, only true love gives us the peace we all yearn. It’s described as Agape in the Bible. Gods perfect love, we don’t have to get all spiritual though it’s a resting place for us anytime we need it. A place we all have, we just have to ask, just ask and it shall be given to you. 

  In loving who you are, you automatically start to love others more. Why because you are not fighting with yourself. If you are happy with you, why would you not be able to love others more freely. If your not happy with who you are there is still a battle that rages before you can reach out to others. I am happy not only with me, but my friends, family and how I am as a person. Although I want to be better tomorrow than I am today
Are you there?  I hope you able to ask, or relax with who you are today. You are more amazing than you will ever know you are. That’s a fact.

Mark

Beautifull people.

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Good morning, this is one of my favourite songs of all time. 

I remember my dad asking me to put some music together of stuff I liked, because hymns are just not my bag unless it’s amazing grace at an England match. For me beauty is not as the song portrays however. Beauty is in someone’s actions, it’s how someone is with another that shows the inner person, thier eyes can quite often show off how a person is feeling, how a person is towards others. I watched part of a programme yesterday that revealed just how much anger some people are carrying around. I am sad to say I was one of those people once, full of garbage and no compassion.

  
 

I like to remember how I was,  it’s not how I am today. We are not talking 20 years ago either, allot closer than that maybe even as close as 15 years ago. Just before I went travelling across Australia, if you have the chance and you have it in your heart go travelling. It’s the best thing I ever did and I certainly found the true me. 

  
I saw this picture yesterday, entitled. God is an Artist. Isn’t it amazing how much Beauty there is all around us. Don’t you wonder why, or how Earth can be so amazing yet the view is never the same twice. Remember yesterday’s title. Well as soon as I read it I went to see my parents, dad wanted to walk the path with me he walked many times, whilst I was in hospital. It was quite emotional as we walked the steps my dad had walked with mum and our dog. In faith believing I would walk out of that hospital. Ironically walking with Faith our dog.

Time for another Faith diaries what do you think.

Faith diaries 2

  

Dear Mum and Dad,
This picture of me brought tears to my eyes! What a blast from the past! Do you remember me like this? (I don’t!) Then Grandad said the nose wasn’t quite right, so maybe it’s not me after all?? No worries!!

I hope you slept as well as me last night Dad! I didn’t have to wuff once. I have learned though not to jump joyfully onto Grandma when she is in bed. It provokes screams and giggles! They are still learning the rules Dad! When I see them looking at the paper you gave them and trying to click and point, I know I have it all my own way! Grandma is hopeless at clicking by the way.

I had a lovely time in the bluebell wood. Just wished you were there. Kept dropping my ball in the water just so I could get it. I had a swim at one point – great!
I am told I am in season but don’t know what this means. Anyway, Grandma says I am not getting pregnant on her watch and certainly not to a scruffy old poodle – what does she mean? Met a lot of friendly mutts. Some lacked the necessary equipment? (Their owners said!) but great fun playing with the girls.
Love you Dad and Mum. Don’t worry about me! (I have got the best seat in the house!!) Love Faith xx
  
 

I hope you are able to see the good in you today. If you can I hope you use it.

Mark

Death

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Good morning, I know it’s a taboo subject. But I have faced it on a few occasions, I also know what it’s like to survive. I have escaped the worst things in life like loosing my mum and dad, a brother or a sister. Just spare a moment to remember those that are facing losing a loved one, or have lost a loved one. Are you being there for them enough. Are you selfishly sitting there reading this and the person that needs you right now, your not there for. Why because you don’t know what to say. Of course you know what to say, of course you know how to be. You are just being selfish and thinking about you. DONT, people need you, your a necessary part that people need. No stop thinking that your not required your input is invaluable. Your a part of someone’s sanity, someone’s survival, someone’s motivation. You are very important, now you knew that already. Your thinking of someone maybe that needs you. Go to them, hug them look them in the eye and tell them you love them because guess what. Tomorrow never comes, never only today is certain not tomorrow.

  
 

I am constantly told at the moment that rest is crucial, there are only 2 people on the planet that can climb in me and know how I feel about that 1 is my brother and the other would not change a thing when he looks out of his window. I wonder if you can say that, that the view from your window you would not change. Well I am fortunate that I am happy with the view I have to. But there are people out there that need you. Your an important cog in someone’s life. 

  
Enjoy what you do, and stop making excuses for what you don’t do. Reasons are different, I get so frustrated not being able to do, and you are able and you don’t. Please don’t make that decision tomorrow. You have one family, they need you. Sometimes work has to wait whilst you catch up,  but I am sure you will make the right choices. I am alive because I want to be, because I have put all of me into being me. To preserving who I am that I will make a differance. You know what you need to do, so stop the excuses and love those that need you right now. Remember you make a differance, don’t look round it’s you I am talking to. YOU make a differance.

  
I hope you have a really good day, I also hope that you are able to do the right thing.

Mark

The window

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Good morning, I want to talk to you about the window at hospital today, when I was isolated.  one of my favourite places on the planet was a holiday we went on in Morocco. We pulled out all the stops on that one. And although the holiday started from a travel zoo bargain. The only thing cheap about that holiday was the airline we flew in with. I remember Andie dedicating a song by ce Lo green to me on that holiday called “anyway” 

I remember standing in the water as the waves crashed down time after time listening to the song. I remember looking back at my wife who was happy reading her book on her hammock. That image became easier and easier to recall as the days went on. You see a window can take you anywhere,  the only thing that stops you is you. When your isolated you have to learn very quickly that your mind can take you anywhere you want it to. The only peramiters are your own. A song can take you away, just like a memory can, but the 2 combined can be so powerful. You can quite literally make your own dream. A window is just that, we can see what ever we like the the other side of that window.  

  
 I remember how bad it was to not have this skill off to a tea. When I first arrived there, I was scared beyond comprehension, I had given over my life to medicine or so it seemed. I was a frightened scared little boy, I sobbed as I slept, I woke up crying. I found out that I was human and I could get very afraid, more afraid than I could have ever know was possible.

Your body is amazing though, and can achieve what ever you tell it is possible. You just have to believe it’s possible. So “the window” although it was screwed shut I could still take myself off to somewhere different than where I was. I just had to use my mind, believe it’s possible then just drift off there. It became thearoputic, something I did to escape. I started towards the end forgetting what flowers smelt like, and hearing birds tweeting when on the phone to a friend would take me back to my garden. 

  
It’s amazing what we all take for granted in this life, but isolation has certainly taught me that the simple things in life have so much value. Also that you are stronger, and more versatile than you think you are. Your amazing, more amazing than you proberbly will ever give yourself credit for. I thank God for you, and I thank God that we are given these amazing abilities to go anywhere we like.

Another place I used to go through that window was the Mersey tunnel, this memory has not happened yet. But my wife created it, it became a goal. Something to achieve as our little sports car is in for repair whilst I was, that 1 day we would warble through the Mersey tunnel and out the other side to a place called new Brighton beach in LIVERPOOL. 

I wonder what you will do with your window today?  Let me know what you did with your window today, who where. With? I am sure many of us would love to hear where you went to.

Faith diaries (2) tomorrow.

Mark

The path to recovery.

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Good morning, it’s a very different morning this morning not having any appointments in my diary. No procedures to endure, no pain to face. I guess it’s like a runner that has trained for many months to do the marathon and its a few days after the event. People don’t mention recovery, most people assume once you have finished your “treatment” it’s over. “Done” “finished” it came to my attention this morning that my last blog “the end” was honest and real. I had not seen that I was doing that. Not opening up to what was truly happening, I have just been showing you what’s required to beat this. In doing that I have not shown humility, which surprised me. Because maybe this person is right, he might just be a self opinionated, self richeous monkey on the other hand. 

  
Anyway this blog is an insight into what people don’t see. All the way through this I have had many many people help me along the way. Not just doctors and nurses (the people who have saved my life) from my family, and my friends all the way through. People who have genuinely asked me how I am, some that ring me to try and make me laugh and succeeded whilst in that little room. People who’s children have melted my heart, notes from neighbours. The Faith diaries of which I shall write one on here for you to read. My mum is really creative and wether or not she minds our fun going public. I think it’s well worth a read. You will laugh that’s for sure.

The humbling things folk have done for me, the messages on Cancer Stories. 

https://www.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536

You all went through so much, if I negleted any of you in there can I apologise right now. I don’t want to be the rough person that entered that hospital, I want to grow be more humble. Love better and certainly go nowhere near that garbage truck. I want to look outside of my situation and put myself in others shoes, looking at the full picture. Is any of what I am saying making sense? 

I want to love better, listen more. God gave us 2 ears and 1 mouth I guess because I have small ears and a big mouth I thought I should be using the mouth more. My mum says I have cute ears (I hate that I have cute ears) but I must start to use them more than the fog horn I was born with on the front of my head.  

  
When someone is in recovery, they are very tender. Very thoughtful, and very frightened they will make a mistake and it come back some how. When you have faced such evils as many of us have we so never want to walk that path again. People message me from all over the world telling me thier stories, a real man messaged me yesterday telling me of his exsperience. I was humbled as I read what he had written to me, knowing that his recovery would never end. See people look at the problem (Cancer) sometimes and not the person. Maybe I did that when I was in hospital. Maybe I concentrated on the Cancer and not the people around me. Please forgive me for this, I humbly ask that I be forgiven.  You may never know how much love I have for others with in me, but I truly hope that buy reading some of my writings you are encouraged to be a better person tomorrow. Than you were today.

No matter how hard recovery is, no matter if I am only awake for 4 hours in 24. I will use some of that time to encourage you. Whilst learning to be better myself at the same time. It’s oh so easy to stay the same and not move on, but to grow and grow to benefit others as well has to be a good thing right.

 This is the actual front of the card…
Faith diaries part 1

Dear Dad, (and mum!)     14/5/15

I thought I was just gonna be hanging around, waiting for you, but it’s quite good here. I am getting used to the new noises. The clocks for example, they all make different noises and tell different times. 

Then the neighbours – I’ve never lived so close before. I have to say I didn’t sleep to well. I had to alert grandma to various bumps in the night. I even went upstairs but grandad did not stop snoring, do you think he is deaf? Anyway – he showed me the garden. It’s a bit small but big enough to wee in. I saved the other stuff for our walks –  2 so far – walks and poos I mean. Grandad is amazed at how much I can do in 1 sitting!

I was a bit forceful on the first walk last night, and grandad said  one arm is now longer than the other. So, yippeeee in the car this morning, and a big field! Guess what! There is a RIVER I went in it at once, as you said I would. WOW! I have to whisper that, I lost 2 balls in the long grass, but I found someone else’s instead. Don’t worry about me dad. I get lots of love here and I think I shall be busy looking after gramps. Lots of wuff, Faith. 

The End.

Right now, I am filled with mixed emotions. Let me explain, 4 years ago I was diagnosed with cancer it took some getting used to just to accept I had it. I was knocked off my feet when I learned I had Hodgkin’s lymphoma. I cried for days, listening to ridiculous comments like “at least it’s treatable” “yea but you will get better” “your strong you will beat this” ” it will be over before you know it” so here we are almost 5 yrs to the day that I started treatment.
During that time I have had ABVD leading up to Christmas 2011, I had it every 2 weeks. I can recall how painful it was, how cold your arm was when it was going in. But I felt weak whilst appearing strong to those around me. My whole self had imploded in on itself. I was low, depressed even suicidal at times, I didn’t cope that well although the world could not see that. I just appeared as though I was walking on water. That nothing could touch me, no one could and a desease certainly was not going to.
The disease was everywhere, I was riddled with it from head to toe. They did not expect me to make that Christmas without treatment. But I got into remission from 4a. Now while that sounds amazing, I never once felt it had left my body. I never showed it but I was still in allot of pain which just kept getting worse and worse as time went on. My legs became so sore walking eventually became almost impossible. I knew it was hiding in my bones I just knew it. Scans were not picking it up. Because it only finds clusters.

We bought our dog Faith when we went ( we because me and my wife are 1) into remission. Faith was a great distraction as I made my way towards 6 monthly visits to the hospital. All was fine apart from the pain in my legs that was unbearable sometimes. The fact I could not feel my hands did not help either.
Then the day came, I felt a lump starting in my neck again, exactly where it had started last time. I did tell my wife but thought I would have my holiday with the lads and deal with it at a later date. We did and had a great 10 days together as always. I kinda knew the end of that holiday was the start of a nightmare. Although we had an amazing time, the cloud was hanging over me like a lead weight.
As I thought on seeing my consultant, he told me I would probably need ICE chemo as an in patient 3 days and nights at a time. Every 3 weeks. 2 weeks before this diagnosis I had set up Cancer stories (friends) on Facebook. Hoping I could reach out and help others in their time of need. Little did I know it would become something I would need in the future. Now just so you know (not a pity party) ICE chemo is no joke. It’s real nasty stuff, real nasty. It effects you from the second it enters your body effectively killing all good and bad in your body. I didn’t loose my hair on ABVD, I did on ICE although it took a while.
They made allowances for me as I did not want it done as an in patient, I had it daily as an out patient over 3 consecutive days. Walking through the doors on day 1 takes courage, I drove there and Andie drove home. It lasts all day leaving at 5pm from an 8am start from home. You wake up in the morning, feeling determined but having to get up with little or no sleep having the feeling of snakes inside your head eating you from the inside. Really that’s how it feels. You then have to walk though those doors again for another full day, although 1 hour shorter. Bear in mind your having drugs put in 3 times quicker than if you were an in patient.
You go home with the feeling of snakes even worse, you shake and cry. Then you have to get up gain courage and walk through the doors again. I tell you only the really brave can do such a thing. The power required is super human and is impossible to do. I am a good man and have allot of good strong friendships, people that are there for me no matter what. Of course God is there to, there is nothing like a chat with a buddy who can make you laugh in these situations though.

Cutting it short this process was completed 3 times having ice 3 days on the trot. In between the abcesses, 8 teeth extractions looking like marlon Brando just to get a transplant.
Transplant I hear you say, yes that was the next stage. I still needed chemo over a 6day and night period attached to my stand all of that time. Whilst isolated in a small 15 ft by 12ft room. That was hell. True hell. BEAM chemo is approx 1500 times stronger than any other chemo I had had before. I was going to go neutrapeenic, where I had no white blood cells at all to fight infection and risked dying. Everyday in there was like hell on earth. It was a horrendous fight that I had to win. I had won previous battles could I do this too. Man I was scared, more so for my wife and family than for me. My wife had already lost her dad at 59, and lost her mum to Cancer at 63 with only 4 hours warning.
Can you imagine what she was going through, I can’t. But Andie came everyday I was there bringing me a coffee everyday and sitting with me from morning till evening. She is my world, my strength when I have non. My light in the darkness. My crutch on rough ground, my buoyancy aid in deep water.
Well today I went back to the place where I was isolated and discharged back to southport hospital. It feels like the end. Feels like I have come to the end of a road and there are no celebrations, no flags. No people overjoyed, just an end of a road. I feel empty, where do I go now. What do I do now, rest. That’s what they tell me rest for 5 weeks. Then a scan in time to see if I am in remmission. But what do I do till then, people don’t seem to want to read my blogs anymore. I need to feel like I am of some use to people, like I have a purpose. Where is my purpose do others feel like me when it’s seemingly over.
I don’t know where to go from here but I need a focus that’s for sure. But non is there. No one is there, not because they don’t want to be but because of the dangers of infection.
I tell you the truth the end is almost as bad as the start, I feel like I am gonna get depressed. Then what would all this be for.
No I refuse that, no way I will get depressed and fade away. I am going to continue to encourage others, I am going to continue to love others where they are at. I will also continue to blog, why because I know it’s affected 2 people’s worlds and that makes it worth while. Even if 1 person reads a day and helps them to have hope or decide to live a better life. I want to be there for that person.
So feel free not to share my experiences, but I will carry on anyway. I will continue to reach out my hand and help others up where I can. I will not give up no matter how tired I get. We are made to help others not take from others.

My desire is that people out there somewhere are encouraged, even driven to save their lives by the experiences I have had. They can’t be just to end at a road that’s not finished. I need to find the start of the new road somehow. I will keep looking but for now I will just keep doing what I am doing.
Have a good weekend
Fonz

 

Meet the world

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morning, just a taster of my travelling exsperience. I will never forget that day in October 2003 when I had put all my things into storage. And I was seemingly sat next to the super cars at Manchester airport. With my rucksack between my legs. The house, was sold. I was effectively homeless, but I was not scared at all just keen to live my adventure that would take me to the other side of the planet. 

  
I knew I needed to find the deep inner me, a me that I loved. A me that someone else could love to. I set out really with my Andie in my mind although I had no idea that was who I would find just a few short miles from the airport that I flew from 7 months later. 

I remember landing in Perth anticipating having a blast with the person I was about to meet. Fish, he picked me up from the airport he said in his mail, I will be the bald short guy with a villa shirt on.  The first sign I saw was onthe back of a 4×4 “foster we export that s…t they do because I could not find anywhere that sold it..

  
  P
Anyway the point of all this, is yet again to encourage you, that even though what you dream of doing may take effort and sacrifice. To be quite honest if you don’t have to make either of the above the chances are it’s not worth having. Travelling Oz and New Zealand was the best thing I ever did. I found myself. I found out what was real important to me. I found me, the me I liked, the me that was happy to be with me.. Does that make sense? 

I remember finding places that are still only in my mind, I remember running into the sea naked and how good it felt. The feeling of complete and utter freedom. Maybe you don’t want that picture in your mind but I was a fairly good looking 34yr old man prob in my prime of my life. I met many people on my travelles, travelled with many people in my car. Shared many many amazing moments, from tree top walks to caveing in a glow worm cave. With no natural light except the glow worms… 

  
Maybe some of these things I have glanced over I will expand on but for now, I just want you to know that it does not matter what your dream is. The only person standing in the way of that is. You. 

If you have a dream, what ever that is. Make it happen. Will you, make it happen?

Mark

Your mountain, to climb.

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Good morning,  I have woken up on the settee, So knowing I over did it yesterday I hope when I climb the wooden hill I will sleep again. But for now, I want to encourage you, to press on up that mountain. To focus on your next few steps as apposed to the massiveness of the mountain that’s yours to climb. Believe in yourself, know that you are the most amazing person that you have ever been, and tomorrow you will be more amazing than you were today. You will have learnt more, be able to inspire more. You are the most amazing person alive. You have to believe that though. Only You can have the faith you need. Only you can reach out your hand when you know you can’t make it alone. 

  
The help you need is everywhere, God is omnipresent, he uses people to help us on our way. He is bound by us asking, that’s the true reality. If we don’t ask how can a prayer be answered.  I am so thankful I am able to speak to you like this daily,  me and Andie have faced so much together there has to be a reason we were chosen for this journey. 

  
Jesus I pray this prayer ” use us to your glory,  use us to help change others lives in a positive way. Help me be humble and humbled as you show us the way” in Jesus name.

  
Our path is laid out before us, we are willing to walk were we have never walked before. We are willing to step forwards as opposeded to the easy option of making no steps at all. I am so thankful for new life, a new day, a new sunrise. Today has so many opertunities. I only hope you choose the ones with life in them. Your life is yours to run, yours to walk and yours to win.  Only you can get up and make the steps forwards

I saw the look on a friends face as he showed me around his new place, that he has worked his whole life to achieve taking his whole family with him. You can achieve amazing things. You have just gotta keep moving forwards, being selfless and giving a little along the way. These people are called winners, winners never lose because they look for the good. They leave the garbage where it is and move forwards the view from the top is great.

  
I hope you get to see the view to.

Mark

Sweet love.

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Good morning, I hope this finds you well if not I am pleased. “Your thinking now arnt you” all will be revealed. You see, in life if that’s what you call it, some call it a journey which of course that’s is exactly what life is. We see and exsperience lots of things and emotions as our age and experiences change. Our taste buds change and our bodies develop strength and we develop our abilities to be able to use our minds as well as our bodies.

  
We as children know no wrong, we learn what wrong is and seemingly know what’s right from the word go. (I am not a parent) but I was a child.  Children love sweet things, but of course that’s because it’s nice. And something our bodies were not created to consume. Unless it’s fruit, and anything that has natural sweetness in it.

I know 1 thing and that is that it’s not the situation your facing, it’s how we deal with it that matters. How can we even know that something is sweet unless we have tasted what the sour tastes like. Isn’t it the same in life? That situation with a work colleague, you were best friends but now there is just nastiness. Really why? Your tasting the sour but yet you know what the sweet tastes like. So why not do something sweet for the person anyway. Just love them anyway. I know the person I am thinking of that I should do that with. I will have to eat my own words on this one I think. 

  
So to the point, in my life I have known much heart ache, I have also been blessed with a wonderful wife, a nice roof over my head and even a little toy car that I will drive on sunny days. So for me I know what the sweet and the sour is like. My x wife was seriously injured in a bomb blast, my now wife faced losing her life 2 weeks into our marriage, I have faced losing mine twice. That’s aside of all the visits to hospital for broken bones growing up. 

So I know as I am sure you do. I was talking to someone yesterday let’s call this person “sweet” sweet was telling me how suicidal, how low and at wits end sweet had become. Sweet went on to tell me how reading these blogs daily has helped sweet to refocus on life and the things that really matter.  Wow how cool is that that by me sharing what on my mind (God given)  that my exsperiences could affect someone in such a way that they choose life. Life did you hear that. How happy I feel that 1 person on this planet has been affected positively by this daily blogs I write.

I know you are thinking right now and I have no idea what you are thinking, but be pleased you have exsperienced  the sour in what ever form, because only then can we really know what the sweet really tastes like. I love writing these blogs (as the world calls them) I love it because it’s helped 1 person choose life.  

  
Whilst in those dark places Cancer takes you, I was able to take myself off in my mind to the days I travelled across Australia and New Zealand. It’s to much to tell you of in a blog about the sweetness I exsperiences whilst drifting through the desert in 44 degree heat, listening to enigma on the MP3 player rigged up through the tape player on my old estate car. Man how glad I was to have had those exsperiences in my life. As sweet said     to me yesterday I am not gonna have lived my life with regrets. I am going to do the things I want to do in my life.

  
We all have battles everyday, some are huge some we think are big but not so really, just something we call life. In living this thing we call life we need to rest and look around at what’s sweet, instead of focusing on the sour. Does it really matter,  do what does matter. Love who matters to you, hug them and wish them well. Look at your children and tell them you love them with your whole heart. Love who you love with all you have, never forgetting the sour. Because if it was not for the sour we would never have know how sweet life could really be.

Please share this if it means something to you, because you don’t know who else will like it… Or love it even. 

Mark

A chance at life.

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Good morning, I want to talk with you today about opportunity. Also my Cancer journey.

  
You see every morning we are given a gift, we don’t know it because the miriacle of morning happens everyday. We wake up to the beautiful chorus of the birds singing for us. Trust me I hear them loud and clear these days. They are telling us of the miriacle of what we don’t even appreciate. The thing we all take for granted, that oh so special gift that we call life.

I was talking with my wife this morning, discussing how she felt having to see me in that room. Going through the cruel process that they named ” treatment” only those that have been in room having chemo will truly know. But I guess some prisoners may have had some of the emotion you feel whilst in there. I was transported in my mind to our friend Deanna’s side this morning. The compassion I felt was overwhelming, you don’t feel those feelings unless you have been there and allot (well most) men will not speak of the weakness felt in that room.

  
My faith in the unseen was huge in there, believing in what I can’t see. Just imagine for a moment being blind, and every step you take you have to trust in someone or a dogs eyes for direction. That’s called faith.

You see my wife’s parents, (I weep) had no opportunity of treatment. They had no chances given to them only the fact that they were going to die. Her dad had 6 months her mum less than 24 hours after being admitted she was gone.  I will never forget that terrible day.

Although beam is a horrible and cruel, even inhumain process. It’s treatment aiming for cure all the same, yes of course people die with what I have but I had a treatment option. I was given a chance at life. 18 months or many years with my wife, family and friends who are family I have chosen.

Oh how wonderful life is, this is for you to listen to. Made by Elton – he called it “your song” So I send it to you from me. Listen to it whilst reading the rest of this.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=13GD78Bmo8s#

As I look around each day I thank God I am alive, I am so thankful that I can get up and encourage you with my heart felt words. It’s my gift from me to you the reader. Everyday I can I WILL… I will not tire, i will not give up. Life is wonderful with you in it. You are amazing, you have breath, you have another day in front of you. Now what’s more amazing than that really…  Because if there is a car, a house or anything created by man that is more amazing than the gift of life. Please enhance my lack of knowledge, because I need to know.

  
YOU are quite literally a miriacle, you have the ability to do what you want, either for yourself or for others. I choose to live to give. Why, because I have faced losing my life twice, so I have died to self again and risen. I stand in the knowledge that I live because God wants me alive, and he wants you to. 

Life is oh so precious, don’t waste it in front of a screen.  Live this amazing thing we call life to the best of your ability. Don’t let another yr pass and you choose fags over a holiday. Just explore this amazing planet. I will tell you all of my journey across Australia and New Zealand one day.

Well sorry I am late with it today, sleep is my healing friend at the moment. I hope you enjoy waking up tomorrow, and see the world as a different opportunity. What you read is my gift to you, so therefore it’s your gift to others when you share it. I hope you are able to pass this gift on to others today, let’s make tomorrow morning a special morning for everyone. Your alive.

  
Mark

The law of the garbage truck.

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Other people.
Good morning, today I want to tell you a story, it this story you must imagine you are in India on Indian roads, surrounded by what some would call crack pots. They seem to have no idea of rules on the road like here in the uk. Everybody rushes to get to work, all seemingly late. 
Now whilst the storey I will tell is set in the amazing country we call India. (I have never been personally) I know the people there are friendly, kind and lead simple lives in the main. Surrounded by family that wants to help. They do things very differently but are they happy people? I would say yes. But we are all human so let’s not judge till we have heard the story of the garbage truck.

Law of the Garbage Truck 

 

One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport.

 We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us.

 My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! 

The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us.

 

My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was really friendly. So I asked, ‘Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!’ This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, ‘The Law of the Garbage Truck.’

 

He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they’ll dump it on you. Don’t take it personally.

 

Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don’t take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets. The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Life’s too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, So … Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don’t . Life is ten percent what you make it

And ninety percent how you take it! Have a garbage-free day!

 “Faith is not believing God can, It is knowing that God will.”

“Author unknown” 
  
Now how many times, (be honest) have you driven to work feeling like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. Maybe you had and argument with your spouse the night before. Maybe because of that you have woken up feeling cross. It’s so important “I believe” to apologise even if your not wrong. To make it right with someone no matter what. After all it’s only garbage (rubbish in the uk) that we ourselves carry around. Why carry that extra burden. 
Jesus said CAST your anxiety on me. When you cast its a physical action. Like casting a rod, physically do it in your mind whilst at the gym. Physically do it in your mind if your a fisherman. Do it in your mind when you flush the loo. I love mornings these days and wake up far earlier than I have the rest of my life before this fight I find myself in.

  
Every morning now I ask God to help me be a better person. Your on that journey with me everyday you read my blog. My body is becoming new and as I grow, my eyes are being opened like I have been looking through merky clay some of my life. 

  
One thing I want to do for the rest of my life is encourage others in difficult situations. That the impossible is made possible by how we respond to our own situations. We are not who we are, we are what we want to be, what we chose to be. I have been a very angry man in the past, but 1 thing that room taught me was life is a gift, don’t play with it like our cat plays with his food. Walk forwards holding your head high knowing you are better today than when you went to sleep yesterday.

I hope you get rid of your rubbish this morning, and head into work with a smile. Letting people in front of you, helping someone cross the rd. by buying them a morning coffee enen if you don’t know them. Actions you make change someone’s day.

Will you!

Mark

THE DOORS

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The doors.

I want to talk to you about what it takes to even be accepted for a bone marrow transplant. Not the ordeal itself but what needs to be achieved to make it happen. 

  Obviously as you all know I had ABVD chemo to save my life in 2011 being weeks or months from being compromised by death. 

The hardest thing to do in life is to step into the unexpected, to walk through the doors. I was on holiday in October last year with my men, the silverback tribe as Skyman calls it, started by the man that’s half man. If he reads it he will know.

1 memory was Christmas Eve last year, having to walk through the doors of the day theatre, my mind had left me as I put the rather fetching socks on and I lost all control. I had gotten to the doors. The last time I had my lump removed from my neck I was awake. This time I would have a general to achieve this. Scared I was. Terrified even. But I still had to walk through the doors myself, I had to actually open that door myself. Tears streamed down my face as I pushed it open. I was determined to achieve anything it took to rid myself of this.

  

But I had a choice I could of just not tried.

  

I chose to do that pushing on them seeing them all washed up ready for me. I prayed out loud, “God please help me, please Holy Spirit guide the surgeons hands” he said amen then told me to have a little sleep. I walked into the day surgery in a rocky robe and left in a rocky robe. The only difference being I drove there and Andie drove back. Imagine people looking over as I sang to eye of the tiger whilst driving there.

  

Then there was the fear of the dentist, I looked like marlon Brando at 1 point in the ICE chemo due to abscesses in my mouth and sounded like him. As a consequence I had to have 8 teeth out. As non healthy teeth can compromise you when having the Beam chemo in hospital to have the stem cell transplant. Or bone marrow transplant. A miracle that happens on that day.

Getting to the hospital on a Friday I had 4 teeth out then 4 the following Monday both the first appointment. I had injections galore, 1 deep in the roof of my mouth that made me cry out in pain. But it kinda made me more determined whilst also making the tears roll more. Those doors had to be walked through to, it takes a special person to be even accepted to have this miracle given to you of transplant. Not everyone gets accepted. But quite obviously I did.

  

Once all that’s complete with other challenged brushed over to make this blog quicker to read whilst having your morning drink. It was the doors of the room for my transplant I had to walk through. HARD people enter that room. I was weak as a kitten scared of all that I would face. But broke it down into minutes which turned into impossible hours completed. Then days. I ate constantly even though the pain I exsperienced went from 2-10 in a second of a mouthful every time.

So now you have a good idea, apart from those that have faced this, of what it takes to just walk through the doors. I hope your doors are another hard to open today.

Much love 

Mark  

http://www.fonzandcancer.com

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Our support group on our FB

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Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own.

Rest day.

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Good morning,  today I want to talk with you of the importance of rest. Even God our creator had a rest day when he created the earth. That day is today, Sunday. It can be anyday that fits around your work schedule as long as you do. It’s a day when we can look all around us and see what has been created for us to enjoy. A day where we have time with family, sharing love and wholesome banter with those that we love. All to often we get caught up in the tapestry of life and keep striving for more.  

  
Sometimes when I have real bad days and I can’t walk I sit outside throwing the ball for our dog “Faith” and I hope to hear families outside enjoying each other, laughing and treasuring just being together. It’s all children wasn’t is time, but yet we find it so hard to give to those we love. 

Myself and Andie have adopted us time. A time where we shut our tablets, our phones get ignored. Our lives get put on hold while we remember why we said our wedding vows and why we are together. We hold hands squeeze each other and do something like walk down the garden together. The after effects of chemo 30 days in total, have had an impact on my body. I don’t know how it keeps bouncing back, above that I amaze myself at how positively I can overcome things in life these days.

Don’t get me wrong I get moody when the pain levels are high, Andie just makes sure I have pain killers when I am like that and we carry on.  

 

I just hope for you that you are able to just look around you, and take in the breathtaking world that is all around us. The beauty that’s there for us all to see. The loving smiles from our families given so innocently. Also that you can see the awesomeness in our fellow human beings. Life (I know allot about keeping my life) is amazing. Have an exsperience this Sunday and stop and take in what you have all around you free of charge. The beutiful chorus of the birds, the noise trees make in the wind. We are surrounded by beauty,  I really hope you are able to do that today with me. 

  
You may not see a robin like this, but I hope you get to just take in the beauty that is all around us. I hope above all hope you are able to share that with someone you love.

Mark

Ps, I have committed to doing this for 365 days every morning, what I ask of you is that you share these blogs I make on email, facebook twitter, you can affect people by pressing a button. Please do that. I asked ppl to share yester day at 8pm they did and 100 people saw my blogs in 2 hours. It only takes a click or two.

Giving up is not an option.

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Good morning, today I want to tell you of an experience that I had as a boy. My dad was a minister at portslade baptist church near Brighton. I still remember going to the beech at what seemed like  stupid early o’clock. I can take myself away in my mind, I can smell the bacon cooking mixed with the salty air. The sea crashing into the wind breakers. My brother would have been 2or 3 and I was 5-6.  i remember racing my dad across the field behind our house. I also remember never winning, I would always think I had a chance at winning though and I never gave up not ever. 

  
It’s funny how you can look back at being a child, and see how you still adopt those same attitudes in later life. Richard Branson likes to see himself as the man that, says yes to new ideas. His latest plane having a glass floor, not so sure about that one but it’s certainly different. I love people that are different.  The man from del monte likes to say yes. We as people love people that say yes, but how many of us respond negatively being put in a negative situation. 

“The strongest minds rise in adversity, and enjoy the good times” author Mark Blackwell 

  
There are words that I am omiting from my daily launguage. Like can’t is replaced with can. Trying with am. Don’t with will. When you start to do this. You become free, even whilst in isolation I felt some moments of freedom.  I am determined to be a better man today than I was yesterday.

You can be, you will be, I have a can do attitude. People are drawn to positive people. How many times have you been asked “Hi how are you” ? And thought, if I tell you you won’t be interested. It’s sad how as humans given 2 ears we don’t listen twice as much as we speak.  Trust me, it’s something I am doing these days listening more than I speak. 

  
Will you try or adopt this attitude. It’s your choice to make. 

Make it happen. 

Mark

Hurt makes us stronger.

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Today, is Friday just a normal day you may think. Well to some yes, for us we will be at hospital again having my bloods taken in LIVERPOOL. The place where many would think was a dark place for us, a place where we experienced hurt and pain. But you know me I always flip it around on its head. Hurt can possess us, it can destroy our day, or we can use it for our benifit, it’s our choice really. We decide how we cope with it, not the pain. I mean to say, our attudue to it can change the whole way it effects and impacts our bodies. 

 
Remember this picture, I was having a real bad day that day. But I turned it around by doing something quite literally for you. You see for me giving and the benefits that come with giving far out weigh the the benefits of taking. Givers are happier, givers that don’t count the cost are like warriors on the front line.  There will be someone at work that maybe makes your blood boil. Be nice to them, Jesus teaches us that a gentle answer turns away wrath. I make no apology for the comparasum I am about to make if your not an F1 fan.

Lewis Hamilton, and the Monaco GP. Lewis was instructed by the team to pit (relate it to your own job) when the safety car came out. Lewis’s attitude was what stopped any attempted negativity. Lewis was far out in the lead and to have enough time yo be able to pit and come out in front is nearly impossible. But the team thought Lewis could do it. He came out behind the Ferrari driver and effectively finished 3rd when 1st was in the bag.

The maturatity of Lewis Hamilton was and is stagering, he was so dissapionted you could see it on his face, but he shunned all the negativity away keeping focused. All winners do that in any situation. Keeping focused on the goal that they have set for themselves. His positive goal was to rise, to not let what was going on in others heads affect him. Rather it made him more determined than ever gaining the respect of thousands. 

  
It’s only the same in our lives, we give respect to others and talk quietly how can someone be angry. It’s us that destroys the negativity around any given situation. 

So what will you do? Let your battle win or overcome it today?

Fonz

Follow me, I will follow back. 😊
http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

@fonzmark

Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience) 

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. 

Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own.

Copyright © 2016

Looking back

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Well i have woken up in my own bed, yesterday was a surreal day. A day that came and went like the wind whips past you and then it’s gone. It feels as though I didn’t spend 20 days in that room and go through that hell. It’s like my brain wants me to forget. Like I can’t remember what happened in that room at all, of course I know I was there but, I just feel like my body is trying to protect me from it somehow. 

What I am remembering are the things people that love me did for me in there, my mum and dad in particular. Thier strength of mind and encouragement daily must have been difficult for them everyday. I saw the love of a good friend in his eyes whilst we chatted over a brew on the veranda that Karl made for us whilst living this nightmare.  

 

You see, this has not just affected me its affected many in different ways. The sky ping conversations with people till late in the night. The pure love that was and is shared with this brute of a man that went in there. When I entered that room for the first time, I was afraid. Very afraid of how much of me this journey would take from me. How much would be left of me. Would I be a mere shell of a man, have his spirit taken from me. I was determined to have no words that insinuated, provoked, or were negative. It was successfully done, everybody was amazing. I will not allow anything into my life that’s going to affect myself and my wife in any other way than positively. 

  
This is our side garden, it’s amazing how much we take things for granted, the smells the colours, birds that singthier chorus  for us in the morning. My mum has always been very creative, using her abilities to write stories, poems, make pictures in new ways. With wool and other materials she expresses herself,  I will take more of an interest from now on, not taking my freedom for granted. Cancer may have taken some things from me, like my ability to walk for any length of time and other things. But I have fought for my 

   

I have fought like a warrior to take it back. I have had to slay Demonds in my way, I have had to die to myself. In the bible it speaks of dying to self. Trust me I never understood really what that meant by 

John 12 vs 24-25 very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. 25Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. 

This has been me over the past 7 years, I have died to myself and have been made anew not only in my Body, but my soul has a whole new out look. Now don’t read this and think the silverback has gone all religious on us. It’s not in my nature to be that way. But it does make you appreciate, who I am created to be. An encourager, a loving husband, a good friend a kind son, a loving brother. Things maybe you already are, but do you ever stop in your busy day to listen and watch the world and be grateful for what we have. Because I will everyday from now on. I thank God for giving me another chance at life, I am so grateful to the team at the royal LIVERPOOL hospital, and the team at southport oncology for all thier parts in preserving my life.

Reach out to someone you have a gripe with today, give them a smile and a coffee and appreciate them. Love the people you find hardest to. It will bring you freedom trust me. 

Love with your whole heart, or not at all. I had many positive conversations with the cleaning lady, that came in my room most days. We became friends, I will never forget her. I looked forward to seeing her everyday, I loved her attitude and ability to stop and rethink what she had thought for years.

  
Bless someone today. I dare you.

Mark

Release day

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When I think back to how I got here I feel rather amazed I have made it. You see on receiving my relapse  diagnosis in October last year, my consultant made a suggestion that I may have to go for a bone marrow transplant. We had no clue how this would happen, would they saw my bones in half and scrape my old bone marrow out. You laugh but I have no idea at this point what or how this was! 

So here it is, the journey of stem cell transplant. I remember arriving at the hospital and going in to see the doc.  I  almost hid in his room, I was moving around a lot and quite obviously agitated, nervous and tearful as he explained all the scary side effects.  Possible heart failure, kidney, lung, liver failures were very real complications. A lady even died in here having a transplant two doors away from me on the unit. Very upsetting for us and all involved; “father please comfort that family in Jesus name”.

The chemo “BEAMS” is relentless; you have to have a Hickman line fitted. I was petrified! 

 

This was mine fitted on the first day. But running up to having a transplant I had many things to do, I needed a pet ct scan, Ct scan,  X-rays, 8 molars to be taken out at the dentist (I have a phobia of the dentist). It went ok but I was so dissapionted, the needle biopsy which took over an hour and was unsuccessful. The op to remove the lump from my neck happened on Christmas Eve. Then there was the dreaded stem cell harvest. 

  

It’s an interesting process, needle in 1 arm entering a machine that separates the stem cells by spinning them in a machine, collecting the stem cells and then putting the remaining blood back into your body. Each collection lasts 4 hours, living still for that time. Peter’s son across from me had gone to get a burger as he had a femoral line in. And was able to be harvested that way. I was so jealous as I couldn’t move my arms at all. I will not bore you with figures but it took 10 consecutive days of injections to boost whit blood cell count before I could go in, boosting stem cell production in the hips, breast plate and long bones which made me ache quite a bit. 

  That’s the machine that does the work.

So going back to my stay in this room, you have BEAMS chemo for 6 days and nights. Constantly attached to the pump on a stand every toilet, shower visit you have cables hanging out of you and beeping whilst you sleep. The feelings you get are like waves washing over you. It’s pretty grim but doable, then the miracle happens; your stem cells are given back to you. It’s amazing science and it truly is a miracle that is life changing.

The whole ward smells, not of me but sweet corn for days after a transplant but the patient cannot smell it at all. The only complication I had was  a slight bug in the line that caused a small and insignificant infection inside my line. It became puss filled around the site etc. But nothing major. I did however feel I was going at some points twice to be exact. But here I am 4.30 am writing this. 

I am apprehensive about leaving my angel button, the button you press and a nurse comes to you and brings you what you need. I did clash with a couple of them and kept some away from me. But on the whole, it was made nice by them all. The doctors really knew their stuff. 

Each day I was in this room, I created things to do. CS being a major distraction 

https://www.facebook.com/groups/1595998743956536/

This group or (let’s have it right) amazing people made up of family, friends and people that have suffered or cared for a sufferer, has been my life line. Set up 2 weeks before diagnosis.

I have realised though that there is no one here to offer emotional support, that has done the time in the room. It’s real difficult when you can’t reach out to someone that has been there. I have however been fortunate that I was able to draw on the experiences of people from all around the world in CS. It’s an amazing place where you can be yourself and there is always someone around the world to chat with that’s up and willing to chat. I thank God for each and every one.

 
Here is a screen shot of some of the site. Don’t be afraid to join we will accept you for who you are. The impact on your body your not ready for at all and you change who you are for a week in here. Whilst you are neutrapenic  ( o.oo ) on all blood counts except a few.

Ok so it’s all done, and now after my pentamidine I will be going home, wow!!! It’s gonna be a reality soon. Me  and Andie who has been by my bed from 11-8 every day washed my clothes and cared for me will be going home. I really want a pic outside under the hospital sign. Like rocky on the steps of Philadelphia. It will be my own significant of the END of a 7 year long battle. 

I have done all I can to face this head on, never once did I say “why me” just “I can”  I learned yesterday a friend of mine died of cancer whilst in here. How very cruel this disease is. The treatment I had was the most inhumain thing I have done in my  life so let’s hope it keeps it at bay, so I can bless many people in the future.  

 
Without my line in.

Please follow my blogs and comment I don’t know whether my way of sharing is beneficial to you or just boring. I just don’t know but I would appreciate feedback. Please join our group as well. There are people as far as California, and Australia with us. 

Well speak tomorrow and I will let you all now how release day has gone. Going back to sleep then it’s onwards and upwards to my new life.. Rejoice with me. 

Have a great day!

Mark 

I am not defined by Cancer

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I have tried to stay away whilst in isolation from my  Cancer journey in here and what hell I have been through, I still am going to do that. My life is not about Cancer it’s about me, us. Who we are together that defines us. The friends we choose that become our family. You can generally tell if someone loves you just by how they respond to you, support you. How they are around you. I see it like this if you don’t have to hide the real you, you speak how you speak to them. Then you are talking to a friend, if you have to adjust who you are then your not with a friend.

   
This is what true friendship looks like. 

  
Although this is family, I believe all friendships are the family we choose. All the way through this journey of isolation I have looked at this picture more than once a day. We will do the same again 1 day, if you can’t be yourself you have the wrong mates in my opinion.

So now it’s release time, I will have my hicc line removed today, and be given discharge advice and leave the safety of isolation. I think this picture explains what’s about to happen.

  
These boats are safer in the harbour but just out of sight is the  big ocean, it’s a mixture of emotions leaving here. You have been safe here but I am about to leave hospital and go home where I will be safe also. I don’t have to go to that sea but there will come a time when I will. I am not fearful, I have done all I can to beat this flushing my bones with chemo, and giving myself a chance at life. 

Ticking off some things I want to do with this new life I have been given. I will dedicate my life to encouraging others. Helping others that want help. Whilst also doing the things I have dreamt of. I will aim to fulfull goals and ambitions.

Be taken around a track in an F1 car for instance, doing some track days. Maybe building my dream kit car an ac cobra. Or buying one already made.   

I will do more with my mum and dad, my family and friends. I will give more of my time to my wife and start living a more balanced life. But most of all I am going to be me. I will not waste my time with wallowers, people that moan about where someone parks their car.  

 
I am gonna live and love to the best of my ability. I hope you do to. 

This song was dedicated to me by a dear friend before I came in. I have it on repeat today

Mark 

We can dream

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So, it’s a glorious sunny day here looking out over the river Mersey from my executive box. A place I want to forget about. Hopefully this will be the week when I go back to my family (a tear rolls) don’t get your hopes up Mark what will be will be. It’s that  I am working towards, the dream of feeling my wife’s skin next to mine having beaten death. Being in the same room as my dog Faith. Hugging my family, my dear friends who have been there for me. Oh and our new friends replacing old ones that seem to have nothing to say.

I have been having nightmares in here, so what I do is replace them in the morning with dreams like this. 

 

And this

  
You may have other dreams, seeing your grandchild. Going on holidays, riding a yacht in the med. going to a F1 Grand Prix. 

If we bring F1 into the mix it’s not just the watching I would like to do I dream of doing a circuit with one of the British drivers Lewis or Jenson (we have a cat named after Jenson) I dream of meeting people in the know. Chatting to Nigel about that terrible yr that he should have won, the fierce rivalry between piquet and mansel.

 
I dream of a garage like this, a man cave full of eye candy. I believe this. It’s very simple.

“If you don’t have a dream, how can we make one come true.” There is only 1 stumbling block in the way of it. YOU. ME. It’s not about how far out of reach it is that’s you, telling yourself that. YOU can be what ever you want to be. You CAN achieve your goals. 

Don’t be the person that says “that’s a good idea” then does nothing but put on coronation street or some other time stealing programme on tv.

Be that person that stands up moving the chair backwards in the motion of standing. Then doing, it’s so easy to come up with excuses. Statements like “i am set in my ways now” bull n you know it. “It’s to much hassle” if it was easy everybody would be doing it. 

“I am happy with my life” if that’s the case you should never say things like “if only” “I wish” “could really do with” I am overjoyed for you if you are happy with your life. 

I truly am happy with who I am, happy I have done all I can to sustain my life. Happy with my wife, life and looking to find people that will inspire me to affect others lives. Helping them not only to achieve what they strive for but also, to believe they have the fight within them to beat Cancer also.

  
This is a friend of mines a vintage racing driver. ‘Peter candy’ Google him he is amazing also a courageous man that has had his own fights as well. I love that man, because of his passionate nature.

  
Don’t hold back on your dreams, you have been given the gift of life. Use it, don’t waste it. Get out there and have some amazing times. Concentrate on siezing your day. 

What your still on the sofa? I have had and am still doing, having the fight of my life. I WILL win. There is no way I can lose. Because negatives are booted out if they even try to enter my head.

Be content of course, but make your dream a reality what ever it is. My immidiate goal is to beat this desease. 

If I can you can, now go on make it happen. Just make it happen. Mark