Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living.

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Sometimes you love a person, for all the reasons their not like you.

30 Sunday Jul 2017

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achieve, attitude, cancer, desire, encouragement, faith, fish, friends, hope, labrador, love, loved, relentless, stories

Sometimes you love a person, for all the reasons their not like you.

I might say some pretty random stuff in this post. I make no apology. It’s time to have a little fun, maybe be a little crazy and most of all smile. So here we go, here is a little story inspired by a sentence on ‘Brigette jones baby’ .

I wonder if it was just me that spent a long time looking for someone I loved the look of, that loved what I loved, that wanted what I wanted. Spending thousands dating, then at the end of a night that you spent all week buying clothes for, that lasted 5 hours. You find yourself on your way home in a taxi hoping you would be sick in the toilet and not all over the cab windows. Then hoping shortly afterwards that you would not get the cleaning bill for the taxi but then ya did. Only to find you had no money and you had to go inside your own home to look for money stinking of sick. Along with kebab sauce dribbled on your shirt. I can assure you this look is also accompanied by a bad hair day to. No not you? Oh well that would be just me then.

That the one you were to love, was interested in what you were, not what you had. Yet one of the first questions was always “Do you like motorbikes” not all girls do you know, in fact I would say MOST don’t. I found out quite early on in life that just because a lady (girl) said they liked Martini. That alcohol should be savoured. That not all men would like Martini, including me, especially as I drank a full bottle in approx 40 mins. It was actually the second bottle of alcohol I drank that fast. The first being one of ‘thee olde English ciider’ just before a party at 13 I think (sorry mum) both occasions resulted in huge amounts of sick. Thinking back I wonder why I ever drank again. Just to clarify I don’t think that any more I am just not blind drunk every weekend… quite possibly making myself look bad but there is some humour among the the honesty, I think.. I mean. Oh never mind.

I am one of the fortunate people on earth, that I found out what is meant by the word love. That just because you like to eat fish it does not mean that’s right for the fish. In fact it’s not fair on the fish at all, it’s selfish love. If you loved fish, would you not look after them and feed them? Love for yourself, that’s why so many get divorced, because they love the fish and don’t look at the person eating the food we don’t like.

Ok let me be clearer, we all love ourselves. A short video I watched recently reminded me of that. You giving love to someone does not mean you love them. It’s the other way round. You love those who you give to. You see when you give to someone you count the cost. If you give because you love to give, you never count the cost. It’s just given, because you will always love those you give to. Because you love you right.

Only understanding these principles can we understand who cares about us and who does not. The love of my life, who just so happens to be my wife likes all the films I don’t. The tv shows it all. Yet we give ourselves to each other making ourselves vulnerable often. Yet in doing that we don’t feel vulnerable because we both know, there is some of us invested in the other. True love enjoys vunrability. People that look for a fake skin deep love will never have anything invested so it will always be weak and fail at some point. Possibly leading to divorce.

Oh how I wish I could upload what I have learnt and take the chip out and put it in a younger persons head. But it’s not like that is it. I can tell someone that, it’s really bad to walk backwards on a pavement and turn around. Because at some point you will turn round and be faced with a lamppost. We have to learn it all for ourselves. Even the books we read will still mean we will eventually find out for real in the life we have.

When you give to someone and don’t want anything back, that’s true love. You can love working because you get paid. But giving to someone because you want to is the most precious of gifts. So true love is because you love giving to that person, not what that person can give to you.

Love is not easy, but then if it was we would all know how wonderful it truly is to love

Fonz

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Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

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Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone

else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
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Your a failure

10 Monday Jul 2017

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age, cancer, Compassion, dad, faith, Families, family, foundations, Goodness, hope, longevity, love, rises, strength, unity, weakness, Writing, yang

Your a failure

But is not failure a good thing? There are many ways in which failure can be a good thing, a potatoe when boiled fails to stay hard. An egg when boiled becomes hard turning it into a hard boiled egg and coffee beans become coffee that we drink instead of a bean. Failure is only a bad thing if we don’t learn from it, find the good in the situation that we are in. My ethos in life is. “It’s better to do something, than to do nothing.” Many things in our lives feel like they are there to hinder us and not help us. Yet for sure if we looked a little closer we could see something different.

People tell me they are depressed, people say that life’s tough and that it’s impossible to move on. That no matter how hard they try it’s not possible or that life has made them weak. Sometimes becoming weak is exactly when we can thrive and become what we are supposed to be. The potatoe is useless to us if we are hungry, if it’s not boiled. The potatoe has to go through a process to become useful.

I want you to know something today, I want YOU to know that what ever you have faced does not make you less useful. I want you to know that actually what you have faced has not made you a failure but it’s brought you to where you are today. Failure is not failure unless you don’t learn from it. You will only talk about someone’s failures when they are a success, because how will anyone become anything unless we have known failure.

You still have the same value as before life supposedly made you depressed or you got cancer. Believe me if you screw up a £20note and throw it in the bin, it still retains the same value as it did before. What people say about you, what people do to you does not change the value of who you are. Last week I was told a man could not use the internet because he had only a phone. That it was to expensive for him to have a good phone. Yet I asked Facebook and someone donated a phone and a tablet to the 88 year old man. You will only achieve what ever it is that you restrict yourself to achieving. But this blog post is written to tell you, that it does not matter what people have done to tread on you or run you down. Your value is the same as it was before. What ever your situation.

I got cancer and had to look after myself, give up smoking and make some adjustments in my life to remain cancer free. I lived with cancer and did not push it away, I learned that cancer was a part of my life therefore it never took a hold of me and took me down. A friend said to me once, you act like you are successful. “I am” I said “I beat cancer” the world wants you to be in specific boxes to be or not to be. But I want you to know, you have value and you always did and always will. You will never ever know what the dots will be to join up in the future. You will only know what they were when you look back. Only then can you see why certain situations were what they were. Because without them you would not be who you are today.

I am divorced, but I am also married to the most wonderful lady in the world, who I would never of married if I had net gotten divorced. If life happens our way how we perceive it to happen, we will never achieve what’s possible. Because we only think of what we believe to be possible in the box we had made for us by life.

My best friend on this planet has a thriving business, it thrives because he said yes to carrying on a lot. His vision was to make a little bit of extra money. Now a great deal of people benefit from his business, but that also involved a lot of other people to say yes also. To believe that they had value also. You are so much more than a job title, or the words written on your CV your actually part of someone’s future. A part they are not able to achieve without you in it.

Look at what you are, not what you where and remember that the value someone else thinks you have is nothing to the value you actually have. The bad you maybe experiencing will lead to something good in the end. Believe me.

Fonz

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Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone

else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
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I know what it’s like to eat salty bacon with tears.

26 Monday Jun 2017

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Carling cup final, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Gig, Holiday, Hope, London, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Puppies, Relationships, Suicide, Super Bowl 50, Uncategorized, Winner

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awareness, bone, cancer, faith, Families, friends, Hodgkins, hope, life, love, partner, Peace, strength, survivor, transplant, weakness

I know what it’s like to eat salty bacon with tears.

I don’t know how many of you have just watched “Growing up with cancer” but I just did. Children that had the cancer i did, children that had to grow up with cancer and face things no child should. Well it took me back once again to that room where I had my stem cell transplant. Kids are so resilient aren’t they, accepting of their situation and able to rationalise things and adapt. They seem to be able to deal with things quickly and efficiently.

There was a young lad in the wards that became depressed and lost his appetite. He was unable to eat due to how he felt, he was angry and upset although he was uncertain of why he was so unhappy. Being depressed he was certain of. I know I was low and forced my family away from me, which is actually why I am writing this very post. The family that wanted to be close to me I pushed away. I did not allow them on the ward even though they could have really. I was so hung up on the word. Isolation.

I wanted to give myself the best chance at beating cancer and living longer by not being around any germs what so ever. Well I want to put that right right now. Today should my wife’s dad be alive he would be 74. But cancer took him aged 59. I never knew him. But it’s made me realise I was wrong to be that way, that I should apologise to my family and say Sorry. Sorry for keeping you at arms length, and ask that you all forgive me.

Whilst in that room the chemo they give you, is so horrendous that you get hundreds of ulcers all the way through your body. They tell you that you are unable to eat, and that you would be better to have a nose tube to be fed through, and that exercise would be impossible.

What I did in there I did for my family, I did what I thought I could to come through. I did press ups on the visiting chair that my wife used sometimes. I walked from the bed to the ensuite which was about 5 steps and back whilst having chemo moving all of the time and eating my breakfast not once but twice everyday. Sounds greedy right? Wrong. I would say eating bacon with ulcers in your mouth throat, intestines, all the way through to your bowl is not easy. You cry whilst eating making the bacon taste saltier. But every bite hurts like hell as it goes through your body making you not want to eat. Without doubt the easiest thing to do is to not eat, to choose nothing off the menu to sleep all day and not excercise. To give up.

All I did in there I did for my family, and want to say sorry for not doing the things you wanted me to. It was wrong of me.

To anyone that’s facing cancer or supporting anyone with cancer. What seems normal in life without cancer is most certainly not normal in a life during cancer.

But I leave you with this, to do something is better than doing nothing, even if at the time it may seem like the wrong thing to do, it’s still better to do.
Fonz

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Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

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Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone

else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
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Family

24 Saturday Jun 2017

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age, banned, Bellamy, Christian, Compassion, Families, foundations, gift, Goodness, hope, longevity, Lord'sPrayer, love, Monkey, motivation, Paddington, passion, Presence, strength, unite, unity, weakness, yin

Family

Family does not have to be a place, it’s not something you get. Family is something you give, for many years I have missed the point till right now. No one owes me anything, no family member owes me. People that truly love don’t do it because they are a part of a family. They do it because they want to give NOT receive.. I personally know what it’s like to love someone, loving someone means you never remember what they owe you because they owe you nothing. If you think a friend owes you, then they are no friend. If you scroll through your phone and a person has not called you, that’s when you have to question if the traffic is one way.

I have this saying, that. If someone really wants to see you they will. It’s not your fault someone does not include you it’s their choice. One thing I have learnt of late is this one thing.

I have just bred a litter of pups, and at 16 weeks old our pup has just spent a week with her sister. They both have different personalities and the only time they truly love each other’s company is when they accept each other, warts n all.

Having dogs has also helped me to realise what true love is, and it most certainly is not what the dog can get from the other. It’s only when a dog accepts how another dog is and does not count the cost tat the love really starts..

we could learn a lot from dogs, but if nothing else what we should learn is. If someone has their hand out, the person they love is themselves. If the have their hand out yo help you up, their friendship is not just an action it’s a feeling. People love to receive or they give because they wanna give. What you have in your hand is nothing to what is given from your heart. Jesus paid the ultimate price to show us what love meant. Unserstand that, and you will have life.

enjoy your life with your hand out to help someone up, rather that a hand out to receive is when you will feel the true freedom of life.

Fonz

Transplant 2 years in.

13 Saturday May 2017

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, dogs, Gig, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Puppies, Relationships, Suicide, Super Bowl 50, Uncategorized, Winner

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camcer, chemo, encouragement, hope, love, marriage, survivor, transplant, wife

Transplant 2 years in.

It’s incredible how things have changed from this day 2 years ago to today. 2 years ago today right now I would be having my first chemo in isolation having had my Hickman line fitted in the morning. I remember who was there for me, my friend Karl who was so amazingly supportive during my stay in hospital doing jobs for me back at our house. My wife is so impeccable at the detail wrote everything down from day to day during my transplant. Whist I don’t like to look back on negative things I just move on normally. But it’s reasonable to say it’s important to look back, so others who face the same can learn from my experience possibly. Your brain is a powerful instrument and I think shuts off from us the trauma we experience at certain times in our lives. That’s why my wife’s write ups are invaluable when looking back at my transplant journey. For sure I don’t mind telling you I proberbly cried more in the first 24 hours in isolation than possibly any other 24 in the whole of my life before.

There are two things you never need to chase in life. They are true friendships and true love. Both of which ironically we have no control over. People that truly love you will be there for you as they were there for me. People that don’t really care about you will not be in touch with you at all.

My Hickman line was playing up, although I don’t remember much about it. I made friends in that hospital that sadly I am not able to peruse due to hospital protocol. Dr Salem, Heather and Kim. The girls were like my Angels, there for me when ever I needed it. I am not able to get across to you just how amazing the people that work for the NHS are. They are committed and conscientious and vital to the health of us all in the UK. You will never realise how important the NHS is until you need it. There are some that disagree with me, but you have to remember that they do the best with what they have.

If I have any advice for anyone who has this to face, don’t try and make your friendships happen. They will take care of themselves, the ones that are really important will make it through to the end. Aside of my family my wife Andie, Paul Benson, Johnny Wilson, Karl Boardman, and Simon Naylor were the people that kept me motivated. Phone calls not talking about cancer were a great relief in that small room. Our cancer stories group which was small back the, had so many faithful people in it that were a great support. To name a few, Rob Fiscbeck, Liz Peters, Eileen Almond, our late friend Eileen Salmon, Judith Taylor, jean Anderson and Deanna Perich, were all good people and many many more that helped along with the whole Cancer stories group. My dad rang me everyday, if your reading this and your supporting someone in cancer. NOT talking about cancer is the best conversation you can have.

You find out what’s truly important in times like these, aside of friendships. Peace with yourself, God and the planet is vital. What was can not be changed. But the future is in your hands and for sure you can make a differance in this world if you want to.

I guess what I am trying to say is, treasure what you have and enjoy what you have to the fullest. One day medicine won’t be my saviour, but I have and do know true freindship and true love in my life. I leave you today with a song Johnny Wilson gave to me when I went in for my transplant. The 3 weeks that changed me and my outlook forever. I only hope that someone reads this today and listens to this song and it helps you to realise the good you have in your life.

Be good to one another.

Fonz

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Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

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Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone

else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
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Mr Nasty.

08 Monday May 2017

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Carling cup final, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Gig, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Puppies, Relationships, Suicide, Super Bowl 50, Uncategorized, Winner

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belief, home, hope, hospital, love, lover, marriage, perseverance, together, university, win

MR NASTY.

It’s been a while, whist finishing all my projects someone I met who called round a couple of times. Said “finish one thing before you start another.” As I looked around I realised how much there actually was unfinished at our house. But is that the right way to look at stuff. I mean there is so so much we have done in our home to. Let’s start a list.

Let’s call it inside out.

Tiled the whole of downstairs,

Decorated throughout,

Ripped out double doors and made it a through diner,

Built an extension with vaulted roof.

Log fire fitted

Oak floor,

Conservatory built,

Indian stone placed around 360 degrees of the house.

Garage floor fitted,

Drains fitted

Stream fitted with fish and pump and furniture,

Rear garden created with shrubs and plants,

Side garden obtained and planted,

Seating area created,

Orchard started,

Front area planted,

Rear chill out shed next to the stream created,

Log store built in side garden to serve log burner,
Also dream car maintained to a great level.

Oh and all whilst beating cancer, twice. Don’t know if I mentioned that.

There is a way to fail, but you have to believe that to. Only people that believe they will win, will. You see while we can believe we will fail, we can also believe we will win. People can see what’s not done, or see what’s been done. Yes there are some small piles of bricks, yes I have stuff that’s not moved yet. But there is also a porch that’s not built yet, and a stream that needs finishing (Well building) in the back garden. The roof and rear door needs fitting to the garage and a wall building. But I think it’s best to look at what we have achieved while we could have just let the walls cave in.

My point is, your words can have a devastating effect on people’s lives. But it can be devastatingly positive, or negative. The word devastating can also be positive but then you knew that right? Have you ever seen someone who’s devastatingly beautiful. I don’t mind telly you I have. That lady stole my heart so many years ago and she is the reason I live today, she is the reason all of what I have spoken about has been created. Her devastating beauty stole me from me. But hey I needed stealing and if I were to start over it would be with you Andie.

Thank you for all you have done, and all you will do. I ask also that you would forgive my failing as I am not perfect. But one thing is for sure you are perfect for me. Every brick I move I move for you.

Forever yours

Fonz

Follow me on Twitter

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Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. I

Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone

else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
You could change a life by sharing this post! Will you?

Who you are.

09 Thursday Mar 2017

≈ 2 Comments

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facebook, faith, family, happy, hope, instagram, Puppies, religion, tmbrir, twitter

Who you are.

Isn’t this what matters, who we are. In my life I have heard people tell what I am not rather than hearing the good that I am. It’s been tiring to change from what I have been taught, to what I believe now. But it’s true of society as a whole that people seem to focus on what we should be and not what we have chosen to be. Society wants to put us in boxes and have us stay there and be quiet. While acceptance for who someone is, most certainly something I have had to learn. Although I must have just accepted people for who they were as a child. We are taught not to accept certain people arnt we. We are taught that some ways are not the right ways and others are.

Who are we anyway, that gives us the right to judge another. Should we not just be happy to accept another’s point of view and not change it. Should we not lead by example. Jesus said ” suffer the little children that come into me ” as children we are not consumed by any of the world. Time is all children crave, they only want things because of adverts they may see.

A man should be strong and not cry says society. Yet I find the tender touch of a man is so much more appealing than a man that is arrogant and boistrois. Maybe that’s because I am boistrois myself. We have puppies here at the moment, and those puppies are showing me who I am rather than what I am not. They trust me, because the do not know anything other than love and tenderness that’s been shown to them. Their lives and what I show them in it will have an effect on them forever. These little guys just trust and love completely. How special that is, to love someone and not expect anything in return. That’s who I am, a man that gives not expecting to receive. I accept people, and dislike people that can’t accept who I am.

Acceptance is something we have to relearn, after a TV and society has untaught our innocence.

There is nothing weak about showing others love and compassion. In fact I would say it’s a quality, how others respond is up to them. For me life is about paying it forwards no matter how it’s received. How someone chooses to be we should I suppose just accept even if it’s not the way we would be ourselves.

Me I am sensitive, I cry. I can tenderly touch a new born puppy and look in the mirror and like who I am. I can be who I am, and be happy with that.

Can you?

Have a great day

Fonz

Follow me on Twitter

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Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. I

Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone

else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.
You could change a life by sharing this post! Will you?

Relativity

26 Sunday Feb 2017

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Tags

belief, depression, faith, hope, manchester, relavant, relavency, survival, united

Relativity

So is it possible, to change how we feel inside. Is not how we feel relative to our souroundings, is not how we respond relative to what we think and say things will be. Today I want to help you. Someone said to me the other day, that our family has mental health issues. I laughed inside, because I realised at that moment that the persons point of view was indeed right. That her family did have mental health issues, but then as I thought on the sentence and considered it. I realised that the sentence was relative to that persons experience and it was up to me to accept it as relavance in my life or to change what is relavant to us in our lives.

How many times have you said “oh no not such and such again” or “we have to go again” things we do and say in our lives are relative to our surroundings. So whose responsible for these surroundings, the people that suggest the relevancy in our lives. The throw away sentence of “there is mental health in our family” was a statement believed by that person. See my relavancy is this. We have strong people in our family. The two refer to the same thing, but we are taking from it what we deem to be relavant in our own lives. WE (Me and my wife) do our best to turn seemingly negative situations around. That’s why I write. One song we listen to a lot is

We listened to it a lot when I was having treatment, and we still desire to have the relavance of faith in our lives. I tell my wife often how much I appreciate her, and that there is power in we. I personally believe that forgiveness is one of the most poswerful tools in the world and without it people can’t move on. It’s not possible to find a relavancy that’s stronger than the negativity that surrounds other sentences feeling s and actions. People have said to me “I am depressed” “there is depression in our family” well your right. Because that’s the relavancy you have chosen to adopt in your life. I prefer “We are surounded by fighters”

Who you are in life depends on your own personal relavancy to situations, you choose to include in your life what ever you believe to be relative to you. One thing I do know and that is I prefer things and people that smile and speak positively. I find people like that relative to how I want to live my life. Now that’s not to say that your not supposed to feel grief, that your not supposed to get sad. Of course you are, again that’s relative to your own situation. If you have just watched someone fight cancer and die, your relavancy would be different to someone that had gotten a disease and chosen to give up to it and die. Trust me the two are the same in that they both involve the person dying. But the relavancy in the two situations are very different.

LIFE in most situations is up to us, but the relavancy we choose is for sure 100% up to us. What we choose to be relavant to is in a situation is for sure our choice. What others say is their choice.

My challenge to you is this, can you find relavancy in your situation that helps you today?

I hope you do.

Fonz

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Ps, I have committed to doing this for 365 days every morning, what I ask of you is that you share these blogs I make on email, facebook twitter, you can affect people by pressing a button. Please do that. I asked ppl to share yesterday 18/05/2015 at 8pm they did and 100 people saw my blogs in 2 hours. It only takes a click or two.

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Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone

else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.

Are you afraid to die?

25 Saturday Feb 2017

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

britishgas, cancer, chronic, efl, energy, hacksaw, pain, survived

Are you afraid to die?

Well asking myself that question, I was but not now. You see my first post in this blog was “I am Mark a cancer fighter, and I WILL win” many have forgotten that was said. One thing I know is that we ALL WILL die. Now for me personally, having been hit with that 500lb yellow fin Tuna right in the face. Yea I have heard it, and then fought it and won. Now whilst that was the toughest time of our lives together. I can tell you now, that people that remind me of the bad parts of me. Well, they just don’t get my time now, those people that don’t like me for me. God loves me just the way I am, but to much to let me stay that way.

You can be if you say you are. It’s been said by me. “You want to know the substance of man, look at his friends” I am a fortunate man, that I have friends that are the family I choose. People that care about me and us, people that love us. People that focus on what they can do with us, rather than find fault in us. For is it not true that “All have fallen short of the Glory of God.” Without exception.

This is one of my favourite tunes, and while we don’t know where our world or steps will take us. One thing is certain. That is that from having our first breath means that we will breath our last. As I sat with my wife tonight watching the film ‘miracle’ we were holding hands and I looked around and thanked God for the miracle of life. For sustaining my life and for what he has given me, not what we are left without. Yesterday I spoke how we turned an IVF decision into a positive, and whilst we may never have children because of someone’s power. We will always have today, each other and all we have achieved together.

It is for sure better to do something than to do nothing. Yes of course it’s also true that if someone says ‘no pain no gain’ then they do not know chronic pain. We have and have not. There are reactions and reactions. All the ones you choose are yours, and are so powerful the choices and actions and no actions we choose in our lives will have a consequence or an impact in this world we live in. That’s why your reading this, because if you did not you would not know what’s written here. You did read this, which will cause your next reaction. Your more amazing than you will ever know, and you will have an impact on the world if you allow it.

That’s up to you isn’t it.

Fonz

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Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

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Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.

Friends are the family we choose.

16 Thursday Feb 2017

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Gig, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Super Bowl 50, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

belief, faith, family, friends, GOD, hope, strength, together

Friends are the family we choose.

As I sit here on the settee minding my Dam ‘Faith’ I am watching the movie ‘CREED’ it’s brought a lot of memories back to my mind. Rekindled my cancer journey and even why I embarked on treatment in the first place. The first reason of course was my wife. My friend turned LIFE long partner, then my wife. Which she will be till my last breath. Loads of things are spinning around in my head, in not very long faith will give birth to her puppies. Life will be because of the fights I have had to have and won. Strange for me to think, that without cancer there would be no Faith. Without cancer I may not have realised who my fake friends were, but also who my real, true friends were and indeed are the family I have chosen.

It’s bringing back to my mind not just why I beat cancer but how. In the film Rocky gets the cancer I had, which opens the flood gates for me every time. I can’t help remembering the day, the day your told what’s making you so tired and weak. You see when you fight cancer, it’s every scan, every blood test every chemo. It’s Avery person that sends you a text that helps you to go that one more round when you think you can’t. That’s what beating cancer is about, ‘one round at a time’ Faiths about to give birth and whilst she will never understand the words I write, our friendship is without a doubt real.

What ever you face on your journey, I want you to know that you can. That no matter how many obstacles there are in the way. If you keep getting up and moving forwards that you can. You have to have the heart to stand and move forwards though. I don’t know about you but the friends I call family have given me the strength to get up when I thought I couldn’t. The visits from people when I didn’t want them, because I wanted to give in to cancer and die. I want to right here right now, thank those people for helping me get to today, for my actual family for the love and support they showed me to. That through his people God gave me the strength to choose life.. in choosing life, there will be new life in the form of faiths puppies.

So thank you cancer, and thank you for helping me choose life.

Together we are stronger.

Fonz

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Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Ps, I have committed to doing this to encourage people, what I ask of you is that you share these blogs I make on email, facebook twitter, you can affect people by pressing a button. It only takes a click or two.

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. I

Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them hereby to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.

My TVR and me.

11 Saturday Feb 2017

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Carling cup final, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Gig, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Super Bowl 50, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

brain, classic, health, nerve, neuropathic, nootropics, pain, tvr, wealth

MY TVR AND ME.

When I bought my TVR, was when someone said I may have cancer and that my life would be compromised because of if. I laugh because I felt fine, no pain what so ever. Just this growing lump in my neck that had gone misdiagnosed for so long. When I first drove my new car and went over the first bump. I realised it was going to need some work, rear shocks were desperately needed and many other jobs were required also. Little did I realise that me and Trev. I call him that because Trevor was the guy that invented TVR. Every car is different, not one curve is the same. There are even some funny stories about how the Chimaea shape, mine became the shape it was. It’s reported that whilst in clay, being shaped by the designer who had his dog with him one day took a chunk out of the bumper next to the indicator. That’s why all Chimareas have two curves next to the indicators. Which are themselves from a Sherman tank.

I didn’t realise just how similar our journeys were going to be, mine and Trevor’s. Whilst in hospital having my transplant, my friend took the interior out for me and another friend took the interior and sprayed it. Bringing it back to new. This happened whilst I was undergoing my transplant.

I looked like this.

And Trevor looked like this.

At the same time we were both getting a new beginning, becoming renewed. The only difference between me and the people working on my car. Was that I had a chance of not making it, I know I did and am also getting stronger even though pain is so hard to deal with. I am here to write these blogs. I was encouraged today by another TVR owner that my posts to my blog were inspiring. It gave me a sense of achievement that because of cancer I owned a TVR and because of that connection she got to read my blog. It’s kinda time to thank cancer again isn’t it. Cancer maybe cruel and things may perish and need repair. But we are far more fragile than any piece of machinery. Whilst we are living longer and medicine is helping to sustain life. Machines are able to be fixed forever should the owner wish for that to happen.

Everything I put on my car is the best, Bilstien shocks. Updated engine, powder coated struts. It’s all been done right, of course at a cost. But no cost is greater than to put your life on the line is it. Unless you have a passion for something, even if that’s your faith. You will not understand what I am saying. Your are delicate, controlled by a few degrees in temperature higher or lower than should be, your life will cease. It’s the same with my car, except my car is nuts and bolts to most. To me my car is so much more.

You see, a brain is only able to do so much at the same time. Whilst a person is being distracted, a person does not feel the pain. Oh it’s there alright, but your brain is distracted from it. Yesterday I managed to make it to pain clinic, someone had brought in his Samsung VR. You have seen the advert that the Dad records the concert so his daughter can see what he saw. People that used the VR whilst using it were distracted from their pain. It was still there but the brain was not sending the signal, because to many other things were going on that the brain was otherwise engage. That’s what my TVR does for me, it distracts me from the real world. The world and its treatments have damaged me forever. But driving my car helps me to be distracted from what I am feeling inside. If I try to remember how much pain I was in when driving and I can never remember any at all. Of course I am not saying everyone needs to go out and buy a TVR, or VR system to enable a pain free period. But what I am saying is that, a distraction can help . Only you know what you love, only you know what’s great for you. But what ever you do, make sure you do something that distracts you from the real world. Here are some pics of what my car looks like now and how I look today.

And me.

I guess it’s up to us to do again, or do nothing. For sure when we do nothing it will be more painful, because our brains are not stimulated. So there you go my blog inspired by a TVR called Kate, one called Trevor. Not forgetting Julie.

Let me know if you got something out of this blog.

Fonz

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My story

06 Friday Jan 2017

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

cancer, death, demetia, faith, fumeral, grace, help, hope, life, matters, trump

My names Mark, Fonz to my friends. My story isn’t a A heart wrenching one or anything, it’s just my life. A life I never expected to live. I always had plans to be a dad some day, but with the right girl. The girl that made me quiver, the girl that loved me for me. I was not especially good looking normal I guess, mr average although not in all departments. I always thought I would be a high achiever. Live in an above average house, not that the house was big, just that it would be full of love. One song I can’t forget was ‘feel’ by Robbie Williams.

I always dreamt of feeling the feeling of love in the home that we live in. My first marriage was born out of hate, a bomb in Ireland my girlfriend bk than was stood 10 feet from the bomb when it blew. We married and love was born out of a tragic bomb that affects people’s lives today and will forever. Married life failed. Back then I wanted to end the hopes and dreams, I felt as though I should die . Leave you all behind as it were. I decided to travel instead to look for my Mrs right. To have some fun whilst doing it, I drank to forget. When I drank I was numb,numbed by the alcohol. I lived and did things I loved. Went to Sydney on New Year’s Eve, Brisbane at Christmas. Travelled New Zealand. Along the way I turned down life long dreams. Swimming with dolphins, seeing a glacier, many things that I wanted to do with a true love. I did go to an F1 grad prix in Melbourne though and came home soon after. Tears rolled as I flew back to GB.

I moved to Manchester. Where I met some amazing people, but one I met in the most unlikely of places on the most unlikely night. A night out with a friend, a different pub and there she was. Blonde hair, the most amazing smile and sourounded by men. I whispered in her ear ( I will be back when your boy friend is gone) I then flicked her hair into her face. That was the start of our lives together, the girl I had gone around the world looking for was there. You know, the one that makes your heart melt. The one that’s for you.

We worked hard, moving into a really little semi detached house after 4 years renting a big terrace. Then losing her mum to cancer so suddenly it shook us both. 4 years later we moved to Preston where we now live. Little did we know what was ahead. 1/4/2011 we moved in June 2011 I was told I would die with out treatment diagnosed with cancer. July I started treatment. They told me I would become infertile so I had to store some boys. Swimmers or sperm to the medical among you. I did, and hoped one day I would be able to use them after the fight to beat cancer. 6 months of treatment, chemo every 2 weeks. We had Christmas together 2011, friends disowned us. Family did not understand. Our fight carried on, until I started to get better, work again, the extension I started when diagnosed was finished. I started to do bits in the garden, help a friend, my energy came back a little and we bought our dog faith.
Faith was my shadow, a wonderful dog. She still comes with me where ever I go, and loves her dad like no other. For me she would do anything.

Ah but then I have to say, she licked me on my neck, again and again and barked at me often. She was telling me it’s back, my cancer had come again. A Bone marrow transplant, a tiny room. All the time believing my deposit would be used one day. 18 months ago I had that transplant weak though I still am and not able to work full days, we hoped that IVF would be given to us. My wife was 39 but got to 40 when we had our appointment, we were told we would be able to go ahead to now eventually have a child. A gift from God, although stored by me and saved in the nitrogen bank.

Then that day, the letter came. No it said, your wife’s to old and you should have tried earlier. You are not able to have children. But not giving up we made an appeal, supported by phycologist doctors and reports. Yet still the answer is no. Is it?

That’s when we decided to let our beloved faith have pups.

So here we are, that’s where our journey has led us.

Meet our puppies that will get a new home. But also our blonde girl Lilly Hope. Our new blessing.

Rejoice with us.

Fonz

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Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Ps, I have committed to doing this for 365 days every morning, what I ask of you is that you share these i make on email, facebook twitter, you can affect people by pressing a button. Please do that. I asked ppl to share yesterday 18/05/2015 at 8pm they did and 100 people saw my blogs in 2 hours. It only takes a click or two.

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

It’s a group where people’s experiences are used to encourage others. I

Everything you read are better based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something tou you it will to someone

else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.

Pain, and Christmas.

24 Saturday Dec 2016

≈ 10 Comments

Tags

cancer, christians, Christmas, Eve, faith, help, holidays, hope, love, pain

Pain, and Christmas

I guess this should be a merry Christmas post, or happy something or other if your religion is that of those that consider Christianity and Christmas non exsistant or offensive. Good news it’s not, it’s about pain. It’s about the people that never asked for pain, they never did a stunt and broke a leg, or tried to commit suicide. Although some have, but that’s another blog. This is about people that are not able to escape from their demon PAIN!

Pain really screws up your day, makes things that seem simple to others impossible once it takes hold. You do your best to be as normal as possible. Yet no matter what you do outwardly it never disappears. Only those that know pain know what I mean. You wake up with it and go to bed with it. It never dissapears. It’s not like a pin prick, or a broken limb, it chips away at you never ever resting. Until you have had enough and it does not matter that it’s the time of year, or the love you are supposed to feel. It’s just about doing the best you can. You smile so others feel good. I mean, no one is ever interested in what’s going on with you really are they “Snap out of it” “smile ” they say.

Well I just want to say, sometimes words that I never normally want to say. F…K Y.U have a little understanding by putting yourself where they are. But you can’t can you? because you don’t understand. Please don’t glance over what a pain suffer feels, what we feel is as important as a child. Only we don’t get to take our pain away for the evening, to have a meal without it. We just have it, and nothing we do will enable us to escape. We are trapped by a consuming fire, chemo can cause permanent damage. I have that, it grinds you down and you feel useless, and extremely worthless. Yea some people say ” great life you don’t have to work ” I laugh. Because I do work in lots of ways. Just do no matter what is my advice. But above all else, be honest. If the person speaks about themselves in response. Well you know, and I know they are trying to understand. It’s not their fault really. Give those that don’t understand a prayer this Christmas. Of course pray for al, those in pain this Christmas, they really do matter.

Bless you all

Fonz

Merry Christmas

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It just is.

04 Tuesday Oct 2016

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Super Bowl 50, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 10 Comments

Tags

cancer, depression, freedom, health, prepare, selling, sicology

Living on this planet, I find every day is a school day. I am always learning about life and my opinions, are not just changing but becoming more accepting of the world. You see I was brought up to believe so many things are wrong and so many things are right. This is not how I live today, because what ever it is I believe people may not agree with. What right do I have as a person to disagree with the way someone lives a life. Who says it’s wrong really? The snow falls at certain times of year, is that wrong? The sun shines and the planet thrives on the gift of life the sun brings, the water feeds plants and the world Carrys on. The world just is, this planet is amazing and as my dear friend says. The world works in harmony, if we like it or not it just is.

The question people ask is “is there a God”? Well what ever your opinion on the subject, you are what you are. Your life is for a reason and all that you do has some effect on the planet we belong to. What we do makes ripples and we will never know just how much effect what we do, does or does not for other people. It’s a very peaceful place to find yourself in, to realise that the world just is. Your perceptions to things change, they become more meaningful. Yet they also become effective by just letting people be who they are. People I have been around all of my life have judged others and had opinions on how those people should be. Well here are my thoughts.

The more we as people worry about what others do, the more unhappy our lives will be. I wrote a blog called the garbage truck. I talked about how people that are concerned with what others do or do not do keep loading the rubbish of others into the truck that is ourselves. Loading ourselves up with other people’s issues that are no concern of ours at all. I had a friend once that used to come to my house and constantly tell me how otherpeoples actions offended him. Yet he could have just accepted who they were and had a peaceful way of life.

Nearly losing my life has taught me that I have a lot to offer this planet, but if others don’t think that’s not the case why should I worry about that. It is after all an opinion of another. It’s ok isn’t it, or is your opinion of mine differ from that which I think. That’s ok, the trees grow, the birds sing, people get ill, people get better, people don’t. It’s all ‘just is’ we can get annoyed, upset anything we like but that’s our ‘just is’ I have had much time to contemplate losing the ability to be able to give my wife children naturally. It’s been a very upsetting process for me to come to this point in my understanding of life. That it just is and no amount of upset can change my world in this.

For me it’s amazing to be able to live, maybe IVF will work and we will have a miracle but together me and Andie will just relax in our ‘just is’ it’s far better to accept the lot we have been given and to focus on what we can do, not what we can’t. To accept the world as it is, rather than to wish it was different. As I have written this blog, I have found things that were bothering me disappearing. Because it’s about our perception of what is and is not that makes all the difference. The world is your playground, it’s not a place with continued problems it’s only our perception of what is that makes your world a better place to be. So from now on I will be learning to accept what is, not wish to change what I think is not. As my friend says.

Peace.

Fonz

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Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

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Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else. All images are from a Google search. Or my own, taken whilst creating memories every day.

My account.

11 Monday Jul 2016

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Super Bowl 50, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 24 Comments

Tags

belief, cancer, chemotheropy, children, faith, fertility, hope, love, stories, together

Well I guess some people would frown at me for this post, well it’s still going up. Your reading it. It was 5 years ago when I was told that I needed chemo to survive. But to do that I may become infertile and may need to make a deposit at the women’s hospital in Liverpool. I had no idea what this was to entail, I had all sorts of thoughts what happens at the women’s hospital. Do they milk men like they milk Bulls and pigs. Was there a lady with a plastic glove that helps you, I know your laughing right. But have you got a sperm account, if not I guess you don’t know what’s involved either.

I decided I needed to go in my manly car, you know turn up with my Tom Cuise Aviator glasses on in my loud rather distinctive TVR. I had images of me arriving an strutting into the hospital full of energy and of course other stuff. Except the pictures that we have in our minds don’t quite work out like that do they. I mean I was going in a TVR which are unreliable to say the least. How did I expect to arrive all immaculate, well groomed and smooth. When I was going in a car that involved doing something to it on every trip. This trip was the same as the rest. It stopped running half way there and had to lie in the ground and hit the fuel pump with something hard. I ended up with oil on my face and smudged oil on my hands, and looked nothing like the fluffy Tom Cuise look I had in my mind on arrival.

When I arrived I was given a few consent forms to sign, one said. IF YOU DIE, YOU CONSENT TO …….. USING YOUR SPERM TO CONCIEVE. Oh, no one said it would be this way, that I would realise I had cancer like this. In fact non of the day had gone to plan so far, what ever that plan was. Anyway, apparently this invincible guy was about to become infertile and will not be able to have children. 10 years they would keep my boys for. But how would it happen, another guy sat near me also not aware of the given procedures.

After ( some time ) a lady said you can go into room 1 now. She came I mean went in there with me, this was the scene. The room had a dentist chair in it with a large roll of blue paper at the top of the head rest. The nurse pulled some of the paper over the dentist chair then switched on a large TV and told me there were a verity of channels to watch. I was told that I could make my deposit in the plastic container and then place into the wooden lift and press the buzzer and it would be frozen in nitrogen for 10 years. ” what channels I thought ” I remember my mum telling me not to look at dirty pictures growing up, so the underwear section of Kay’s catalougue was all I had to go on back then. I had learnt a little more since then, I was after all, married. But switching on a TV and erm well you know. In a hospital???! What? It just felt so so wrong, I told myself this was for my wife and maybe for my future son or daughter. I had not been blessed with children, but I was well aware of how they were made. Well we all know what happened there in that dentist chair, and the channel I watched will have to remain with me. I made my deposit pressed the buzzer, and up it went to were ever it gets stored. But that was not the embarrassing part. That was opening the door and looking to my right to see about 6 nurses, looking at my belt area. Oh boy, I don’t think I ever knew embarrament before then.

Six ladies all looking at me at the same time, why did they do that.. Well I know why, but even so. I said my good byes and went home. The second time I did that I asked my wife never to ask me to go again. She had 2 deposits and I hoped if she needed them because chemo did not work then she would enjoy bringing our child up. I prayed that I would make it though,.

So here we are , I don’t know if we will need to withdraw anything from my account as we try for a baby, that we hope for our little miracle because they did say that chemo may damage my swimmers. But what ever the outcome, we shall not be upset, and feel truly blessed if one day I hold my own son or daughter. So please pray that we have our miracle, that we don’t have to make a withdrawal. I hope you giggled in this post, it was created to lighten your day, but also to educate you that there is no lady to help you with gloves on, it’s all your own work.

Have a great day

Fonz

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A death sentence.

08 Wednesday Jun 2016

Tags

blog, books, c, cancer, chemotheropy, health, hope, Laughter, love, me, post, radiotheropy

Is that that what cancer is? A death sentence we didn’t choose? A journey we didn’t choose. A part of our life we never even thought would be part of our lives. Before you read this blog I want you to know, that people that face cancer in what ever form be it as a patient, partner, family, carer, or friend. I want you to know these people are amongst the most courageous in the world. All cancers are different and how ever we decide to deal with it rest assured the journey is one through Hell.

Today I found myself in the presence of someone amazing, someone who has fought the fight like I have and are. He is an inspiration and a seriously generous person with his time. Today I left hospital one year ago, the same hospital the man I speak of left 2 years ago after his bone marrow transplant. Yet we find ourselves together errecting a conservatory. Part of that day involved standing on a trellis on tip toes for a while with my arms in the air holding the cross beam in place. It was 10 mins before my next pain killers. What you don’t know is walking is tough, never mind standings or a period of time. The pain as I stood began yo surpass the pain that was normal and bearable, and I found myself feeling so very sore and horrific pain in my legs.

There I was with my friend who I knew was one of the few people on the earth that understood my pain, one of the few people that understood what I felt inside. Understood the actual pain I felt. Here tonight remembering what’s happened today and what we have achieved. I don’t feel sorry I cried, I feel amazed I have a brother who knows and understands what I face and what I have been through and what appreciation I have for life. Holding that bar up feeling the pain I felt made me cry, it made me feel useless whilst being useful. We did something today that was hard to do. Maybe some would see as impossible. For me and my friend we believe in the impossible made possible.

Sometimes the only thing standing in the way is ourselves, and maybe we just need to fight through the pain and get to the otherside. The side where there are people that have life because they fought, people that have overcome grief in loving the very people that do have life and are living today.

Maybe you feel today is impossible, well let me tell you that it’s amazing what you can achieve if you keep on keeping on. Did you know impossible means the opposite to what you think. See you are possible, it’s just the I’m in the way of possible isn’t it. Try and find something you enjoy in this life, it’s there if you look for it. I know one thing .

I have gained many friends through cancer. Keep on keeping on your one of lives courageous people and you CAN.

Fonz

Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Carling cup final, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Super Bowl 50, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 15 Comments

I just want to thank you.

25 Wednesday May 2016

Tags

bank, cancer, cells, chemotheropy, holiday, hope, LEP, stem, stories, transplant

Oh yes for sure, I am fully aware that I am not perfect. That the man that is Fonz is imperfect and has flaws. Never the less you have read my blogs, maybe even you have found them helpful. Maybe you have shared them. What ever you have done, you have helped me and spurred me on to carry on with my 365 blogs in 365 days.

Here are the actual number of posts so far via a screen shot

A massive task that maybe even I thought was not possible. Yet here we are 375 days on. Over 700 of you now follow me, many of you have commented and shown me commitment in reading what my murmurings have been. I want to thank each and everyone of you for your part in encouraging me to carry on.

Here is the post and the names I put up back then.

Thought I would put up some thank yous

Firstly to my wife Andie Blackwell for being my rock and constant source of strength.

Debbie Beardsworth for the DVDs you sent.

Janette McCreery Reynolds for the listening books all the way from the usa

Becca Parkes for the gifts you sent to my wife. ( sadly passed )

Tea Veenstra and Saskia Woudstra for the card from Holland

Karl Boardman s children Rhys and Kyle for my good wishes card and also to Karl for looking after my house and car whilst I have been here.

Lisa Wood Daryll and Ian for your good wishes via mail.

Anne-Marie Balfour Eric and children Elsie and Rhona for your lovely presents.

Faith my dog for letting grandma do your faith diaries.

Ken Blackwell for looking after Faith with my mum.

Jeremy Blackwell for lending me those uplifting books.

Kim Blackwell for supporting my wife often, and talking to her when driving home from hospital to keep her awake.

Zac Blackwell my nephew for lending me my PS3 games.

Joshua Winn for fundraising and your relentlace support.

Mandy Shanks for your continued support in prayer.

Alison Wilson Johnny Wilson and Molly and boys for your constant support and love at this time for us both.

Beverley Winn for your messages of support.

Carmella Hollington Vale for your continued support.

Cath Parker and John Chapman for your support and love for us both in this.

Chris Dale,and Lisa Dale ben jack and Alfie for your fun and laughter at times of need. And the picture you put on CS and the special video you made.
Dan Vernon and Helen vernon Rueben and Ethan.

Daniel Alexander Clyburn for being there constantly.

Dave Hollington for your encouragement.

My friend Deanna Harwood Perich who skype do and encouraged us many times during the rough rough moments.

Eileen Salmon for your funny messages daily that have kept my spirits up. ( sadly passed )

Ian Ian John Fisher for reminding me of good times we had along with Marie Anna Emily and Ava.

Jan benbow for supporting my wife.

Kirsty Redford for being there for me always and comforting me.

Lakshmi Sharma

Lilian Candy and Pete.

Mags Whitehouse for being there in the small hours to encourage me.

Mel braban for instigigating fund raising event in North Wales

Michelle and Calum for messaging ur sister.

Natalie Burney and MITCH and family for being there even though facing very tough times.

Paul Benson and Jane for your constant love and concideration.

Pauline Phil Lloyd for your encouragement and updates as to your own story here.

Ron Blackwell and Rosalie Blackwell for your constant support.

Sue Winstanley

Alexandra Villemaire in Canada for your reassurance and love.

Thank you to Amanda parfitt

Angela Jack for encouraging me and Andie

Anne Marie slater

Bernadette major

Beth obrien

Bullet tooth tony

Carleene waddicar

Carole Ann Richards you have been a tower of strength

Chantelle Bolton and girls for cheering me up.

Cherlyn Mcsharry and mike and family

Chris Calvert for all your distractions

Chris Oneil and Rachel Robinson

Colin Colin Browne Debbie Browne ur always there.

Colltte mchugh

Dani Makovecz

Daz Manley your a great encouragement

Debbie Debbie Sumner your amazing and I thank you

Dee Taylor

Denise fortune

Diane boocock

Doris livesey

Dorothy Bailey

Eileen Almond my dear friend

Ellen Leigh for your love and sharing your story

Elliott Summerfield

Emily waddicar

Gail Hardman for all your messages and support from you and your boys

Gareth Cartwright rhiannon and family I know this has been tough for you.

Gillian wells you have been here from the start.

Hitesh Ghedia you know.

Ian greenwood for keeping an eye on things

James Clinton Smith for daily encouragement, relentlessly

James D Peace-Mankiewicz we will have lunch 1 day friend. ( sadly passed )

Janine Taylor and Paul Taylor and family for all your support

Jason Julie Kenningley Mark Kenningley Luke Kenningley and family’s

Jean ‘Mili’ Thraves you have been a great addition to the group.

Jean Anderson your journey and Billy’s has inspired me.

Jean alty

Jenny hopwood

Jo Jo Paxton

Joel

John Almond you have been a great source of strength

Judith broad bentm

Judith Taylor inspitational person.

Julia Prince x

Julia Wadsworth here for me even though she is having a hard time.

Julie Watson

Julie wood welcome

Karen Charteris

Kathleen Hyams a star

Kayla green

Kieth McIntosh

Kelly Baxter

Kelly rushton

Klara burton

Les smalley

Linda smalley

Liz peters my dear friend and family

Lorraine Haslett u know.

Louise Hyams

Lyndy

Malaya Arnold

Mandy shanks

Margret Margaret Park xx

Prestwich pharmacy

Marie ash worth

Marius Hantig Adriana my special friends xx

Matanda

Matthew Cross

Michelle hodgeon

Rita hodgeon sadly passed but told her story to us.

Mj Sherman

Nichola kenny a special person
Nicola fortune

Patsy wileman

Pauline birkbeck

Peter bones Wilson a life long friend

Sammie Roberts

Sanjay Ghedia

Shandee Cabral

Sharron mccrery

Sharron Perry

Shaun Ferguson

Shelley Elizabeth

Simon Naylor Kay and family, becoming true friends.

Sue Daniels

Susan robinson

Tajreen mowla

Tim button

Tin foil tie wrap

Towhida Rahman

Tracey Ann Essex, thanks for your continued support on the benidorm seriously group.

Trisha Houghton

Veronica Bailey

Wendy and rob Cartwright, for your love and friendship over the past 23 years

Wendy case Edwards another fighter in Australia.

Youandi Woudstra an amazing person, and outlook.

These are people that supported us while we were in hospital.

There are many more people in our lives now that we’re not bk then. But I wanted to revisit that post, the people that were there back then. The differance you make in people’s lives. I want to encourage you to say the encouraging words you need to say. Because with out you someone may not get the words they need that day. What you say and do can and will make so much of a differance. All you have to do is agree to do it yourself.
Don’t not encourage the person you are compelled to do today, today will be the past tomorrow. But it will also be a new today and a new start and chance to help someone.

But Will you?

Thanks to all of you that have been there for us, the new friends we have made since this article was written. Thank you.

Fonz

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Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

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Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Carling cup final, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Holiday, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Super Bowl 50, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 6 Comments

Conqueror.

21 Saturday May 2016

Tags

belief, bible, cancer, chemotheropy, faith love, hope, jesus, relationship

Throughout the year if you look back at my blog, I have spoken many times how I would rather stand tall and fight. Rather than roll over and allow the cancer to defeat me, I woke up this morning with this song ringing in my head so clearly. I wondered if I had it in my I tunes collection. What do ya know, it was there so I have routed out the you tube video. It’s the words that ring true in my head, because my blog is about encouragement. That you can. That you WILL. That life will get better that your dreams can be a reality.

Life is like a big merry-go-round,

You’re up and then down,

Going in circles trying to get to where you are.

Everybody’s been counting you out,

Where are they now?

Sitting in the same old place,

Just faces in the crowd.

We all make mistakes,

You might fall on your face,

But you gotta get up!
[Chorus:]

I’d rather stand tall

Than live on my knees,

‘Cause I am a conqueror,

And I won’t accept defeat!

Try telling me no,

One thing about me

Is I am a conqueror,

I am a conqueror!

Ooh oh
Got a vision that no one else sees,

Lot of dirty work, roll up your sleeves,

Remember there’s a war out there,

So come prepared to fight!

You never know wherever the road leads you,

Not everyone’s gonna believe you,

Even though they’re wrong, don’t prove them right.
[Chorus:]

I’d rather stand tall

Than live on my knees,

‘Cause I am a conqueror,

And I won’t accept defeat!

Try telling me no,

One thing about me

Is I am a conqueror,

I am a conqueror!

Ooh oh
I am a conqueror!

We all make mistakes,

You might fall on your face,

but you gotta get up!

We all make mistakes,

You might fall on your face,

Don’t ever give up!
[Chorus:]

I’d rather stand tall

Than live on my knees,

‘Cause I am a conqueror,

And I won’t accept defeat!

Try telling me no,

One thing about me

Is I am a conqueror,

I am a conqueror!

Ooh oh
I am a conqueror

We all make mistakes,

You might fall on your face,

But I am a conqueror!
The song speaks of moving on from your mistakes, but I want to use it in your battle. What ever that may be. Relationship, desease, illness, berievment, some sadness in your life. This post is for you, to tell you, to proclaim that you can over come. That you, yes you are more than a conquerer. In life we all come across the hurdles that try to make us fall on our face, and yes sometimes we do find ourselves flat on our faces wondering what the hell just happened. But there is beauty to be found in this situation you find yourself in. Because if you find yourself on the floor, there is only one way you can go from there and that’s up. To stand and face what’s to come, to stand tall and be a conquerer. It is of course but a choice and it is up to us to start again. Today is day 366+ since my BMT now I am starting to believe I will be cancer free forever. That all the prayers, kind messages of faith love and hope have given me the strength to conquer cancer. Given me the strength and passion to defeat the evil that is cancer.

I want you to know, that even if you feel you are unable. That right there is where you show your fellow man your strengths, because when we feel we are not able to carry on, that right there is when we are able to show just what we are made of. That’s where the true winners are, at the end of the rope. They are the ones that tie a knot in the rope and dig in, I want to encourage you today. That what you think is impossible is possible, that you can. That YOU are more that a conquerer.

I truly believe that you can, and I hope that you choose to stand tall today.

Fonz

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≈ 18 Comments

Do it anyway.

15 Sunday May 2016

Tags

belief, cancer, challenge, chemo, down, hope, perseverance, reality

Well there it is, we went to a place today that had a suspended staircase. Quite high up, many that know me know I am scared of heights, or just not keen. It’s a feeling I have when I am not seemingly in control, wires suspending me in mid air just don’t rock my boat in fact I would much prefer a world without any heights what so ever. But hey we don’t live in a world where anything is perfect do we. But what really is it that stops us doing anything, why do we let fear or any other feeling stop us from doing anything at all. After all what we choose to do or not do, won’t we still feel the feeling we feel anyway.

As I approached those stairs, I was told the risks. That if I suffered from vertigo don’t do it, if you don’t like heights don’t do it. Well my friends wife Said to me. “Just do it anyway” Her words compelled me to do just that, to turn what a thought was impossible into a memory. My thoughts again went to my transplant and how impossible that was, yet I was able through faith, self belief, prayer and doing it anyway. I managed it. So surely a few steps would not stand in my way. Would they?

My thought pattern was if I can do my BMT I can walk up those steps. I put one step in front of the other anyway, I walked up them anyway. It did not change what I felt, I still felt the fear. I still had the same feelings but I did it anyway. It was a victory and although I did not hang around to see the view but I did do it anyway.

It’s a challenge I would like to make to you, that no matter how something makes you feel that you yourself, find it in you to do the same. To look outside of what you think is possible and do it anyway. I think you will suprise yourself. A couple of days later I walked over a rope bridge that I never considered doing in the past due to my fear of heights. Doing something that you think is impossible makes you more of a person, it hones you and moods you into a person that becomes a beacon. Smoothing the rough edges of you making the diamond that you are. Shine brighter. I guess it’s down to that choice again as to what you want out of life. To do it anyway or to change nothing.

What will you do?

Fonz

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Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

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≈ 11 Comments

Misery loves company

11 Wednesday May 2016

Tags

business, cornwall, hope, live, love, misery, Oppertunity

Never thought about that until today, I read a blog this morning about someone’s son who was self harming . They went on to say how when he was feeling down he always wanted to tell someone else to tell them how he was feeling. I started to ponder this morning what had driven me through the cancer journey, that my drive had been to remain positive even when faced with losing my life. I think misery is a thief, I think it’s something infectious that’s not healthy in any way to any party. But how do we get rid of misery, how do we turn misery around. Well here is what I think about it.

It’s our choice to smile, our choice to shine a light in the darkness. Whilst I am not perfect by a long way I do realise that a smile can remove misery in an instant, it’s what we choose to have in our lives. What we allow through the gates so to speak. We can actually change what another chooses but shining light in the darkness smiling when someone is sad. How ever we choose to be there is someone out there that wants to be in to company of you. A smile is infectious, a hug warms a heart, like misery clouds our day so you can choose to be what ever you want to be. Your life is full of choices, full of oppertunity or if you so choose it can be full of things you have to endure.

Each and everyday I have a huge amount of pain, walking is an issue until my pain killers have kicked in. I so want to cry with it most days, but you all know what I choose to do MOST of the time. Smile, be happy to have the opportunities that I do, because I have a life and of course in that life there has to be some positives. But that’s up to me right, that’s my choice to look for something good in a day or wallow in the misery that takes no effort what so ever. Everyday we have been somewhere on this holiday. Some hours are really tough to get through, even so we are making memories and enjoying what we have together. Not allowing misery to have any company, those words still ring true in my head. “You are more than you have become” because you are, I am and we can choose to be more than we have become or allow the circumstances we find ourselves in to dictate our day.

My choice is to do no matter what, no matter what situation I am in. It’s better to do or be something than to just accept what ever the situation is that we find ourselves in. You CAN be what ever you want to be, but that choice is yours.

Fonz

Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Pets, Relationships, Super Bowl 50, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 15 Comments

Sometimes you just need a cry.

04 Wednesday May 2016

Tags

christening, church, funeral, haapy, invictus, memories, remembering, sunday, times

Just now I looked at the calendar, on the 20th of this month will be the day I had my cells given back to me, on looking at the calendar I realised that one year ago today I would have been rigged up to the machine giving my stem cells so I could even have my transplant. I don’t know why, but it made me cry, like proper cry. It’s so aweful for anyone to go through. My thoughts went to my friends who had done it themselves. Lee, Deanna, Jeanine, Paula, Jim, Chris, I became overwhelmed that people have to even endure this process. But then at the same time I felt a sense of gratefulness that I was indeed one of the ones accepted to have the process done. I don’t know why my brain works how it does,mbut I guess I am just trying to help you understand how others may feel in the process.

Down the road from me is a chapel, that chapel has been standing for nearly a hundred years, it has stained glass, an impressive organ. Solid oak, a gorgeous place. As I looked around at the derelict building I imagined the laughter during the christenings, the smiles at the weddings, the confetee being thrown on the front steps. The sad faces of the mourners on the sad funeral day. The children playing in their Sunday best, the lively things that have happened their and the sad. I pondered the people that had prayed for others health, thoughts passed of all the people that had prayed for another in kindness and with reverent respect.

To me that building stood for something, like my life before transplant. I cared for other people and whilst I was never perfect much like the old church. I needed to be made new again by replacing the very blood that kept me alive. Making new what had become useless so that I may recover and become useful once again. Cancer is horrific, like rust is to a car and rot is to wood. At some point in all our lives we will face something that we can’t see is good for us at the time, maybe it never will be useful again like the church that’s come to the end of its life. But there with that church holds so many many memories to so so many people. So with fondness I think of the church and all the memories it holds. I could not help myself. I needed to take something home with me. A memory of the place that meant so much to so many.

So carefully this morning I along with two Polish workmen removed a pain of stained glass, I will pick up the lintels later so that when I look at that window I can remember the things the church stood for, and think that maybe it’s similar for me. That because I was rebuilt that I can still look through a window, taking me back in time to all that was. But looking forwards to all that will be. Your life is for a reason of that I am certain, your tears are not for nothing. Because you stand for something. Everyday till I leave this house I will remember the good of the chapel on Chapel road, the Methodist church and all it brought to Hesketh bank. RIP and thanks to all the people that made sure it stood for all these years.

A new one will be built and I will be a part of that future, maybe you will to. But where ever you live, remember your life is of great value. The memories you have to share are worth sharing to. Don’t lock them away, share them with the world so they will last for ever to. Memories are precious.

Fonz

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Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Super Bowl 50, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 20 Comments

Extraordinary.

02 Monday May 2016

Tags

amputatee, chemotheropy, desease, extraordinary, faith, games, hope, invictus, love, premier, self

Invictus games, funny how spell check wants to change that to “I victims” but what does extraordinary mean to you. One of my friends wrote on face book the other day.

COMMON…..being “common” is a very easy way to “fit it”, listen to common people, doing what common people do, living how common people live, going to common places,driving common cars,living in common houses, having a common bank acount…….I preferr to listen and take advice from EXTRAORDINARY people, so I can live an extraordinary life,go extraordinary places, drive extraordinary cars,live in extraordinary houses, have a extraordinary bank acount…….so the extraordinary becomes my “common”!!

The man that wrote that, had his career cut short. He was at the top of his game and someone I respected greatly and respect greatly to this day. You see it’s not what happens to us that make extraordinary people just that. It’s our response to what happens in our life that makes us who we then become. Many times in my life I have heard or even said. “I can’t because” I hate those three words, I even despise them. But I have learnt to see those words as as a way to show the world I CAN. That attitude is how things get done. Now please don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I am extraordinary. But I do know how it feels to do an extraordinary thing. To beat cancer twice is extraordinary in anyone’s book. To cheat death is an amazing thing.

You have to then turn your thoughts to the up and coming invictus games where there are many many people that will be competing in a games invented by an extraordinary Prince Harry. There are many many people on this planet where we can gain encouragement from. Doing something extraordinary starts with one step, it is a choice to become something or achieve something no matter what the world throws at us.

Anyone that beats the odds are amazing in my book, you don’t need to have an extraordinary bank account to be extraordinary. But you do have to be willing to make the first step forwards. That choice is yours.

Fonz

Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer stories, Carling cup final, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, dogs, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Super Bowl 50, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 19 Comments

http://biblehub.com/niv/john/12.htm

Not what I want to write.

01 Sunday May 2016

Tags

belief, commitment, Depressed, faith, hope, love, oppertunities

Today I have to blog, because I said I would. I should be uploading all the photos from the capital one cup, maybe even blogging about the joy of the winning team, but if I am honest. The pain in my hands and legs consumes me today, I have no strength to be what I want to be today, no ability it seems to be the me that shrugs off so much and turns around so many situations. Today I have to rest, our dog faith can sense I am not myself, maybe it’s normal for the losing teams members to feel a lull when losing a match that we feel should have been ours.

But I know that it’s not because of the match, it feels like a punishment. A consequence even of having cancer means that the damage the cure has caused. Means that after doing comes pain, tomorrow I will write about accepting who we are. I feel really hacked off that I find myself with such low abilities, such high pain and such feelings that I feel should not be mine.

I started writing this some 8 weeks ago, yet I find myself feeling the same again today. Every time I do in a day I am punished the next day. So my reward today even though I may feel so bad, it’s to look at what yesterday’s efforts achieved. To rejoice that I am still able to coordinate the right people at the right time to at least make things happen for our future.

I know I wrote about this, have written about this, and will write about this again. Why because it’s all part of healing, all part of the cancer journey that I am on. Although cured dealing with the aftermath. But then you get rewards like this when you push on.

Maybe not entirely because of my hands, but most certainly because of the relationships I maintain. Even though I may not want to write some of the things I do, I even so concider it a privalage to be able to write ( even what I don’t want to write ) life in itself is a privalage and one I intend to enjoy one I want to see things happen, even if it will give me the pain I may feel the next day. Happiness seems to be my enemy, and whilst my happiness (our happiness) maybe tarnished by pain and my joy maybe quashed somewhat. Still I look for what is positive, still I look to make something hood out of something bad. When we started this project, we had to demolish a perfectly good and pufuntary building.

I started relating it to my whole journey again, that the conservatory that was had to be removed for a new one to take its place. That I could accept the small size and do nothing, or I could get rid of what was to replace it with something new. A but like my transplant. That the desease had taken hold of my body and for me to live a longer life, the blood that gave me life needed to be replaced in part so I could continue to live. The process hurt, I looked a mess for a time. Here are some pictures and videos of it all happening.

Sometimes we have to die to ourselves to become made anew, it reminded me of a verse in the bible. John 12 v23

Change takes effort removing what was to enable us to become so much more than we thought was possible. Of course we can choose to do nothing as I could but what would be achieved by doing that? Nothing can be achieved if even when we don’t feel like it we don’t carry on. By moving forward even an inch takes effort, choices we all make everyday. Cancer or illness I believe brings out the best in someone if they choose to find it. Choosing to keep moving forward makes you awesome, it makes you special. It means you know how to accept what you have to do to make things happen. Is that what you will choose, to lose what you are to be rebuilt to become a better you. Trust me you can.

Hope you like the video.

Fonz

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Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Carling cup final, Chemothearopy, depression, dogs, Holiday, Hope, Love, Oppertunity, Paris, Pets, Relationships, Super Bowl 50, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 15 Comments

Tired of being strong.

19 Saturday Mar 2016

Tags

commited, giving, grace, love, passion, patience, unconditional

Strange statement some may think, but it is true that people suffering illness get tired of being strong. Continually smiling at those that don’t really care about you. They just ask how you are to make themselves feel better. Maybe they feel they are doing a good turn. They ask a person recovering from cancer how they are “how are you”? They say. They don’t mean it, they don’t come and have fun and laughter knowing the person still suffers but bringing at least some happiness. For some they ask for themselves, so they can say they asked how the person was. Well I am tired of those people that don’t really care, the people that do for show. I am sad that people don’t ask and mean it, I am sick of meaningless chit chat. I would rather no greeting than a fake question they want a “yea great,how about you”?answer. I am tired of appearing strong for them. Those people that never send a text or phone. But ask you when they see you, because it’s convenient. Do they really care? Are they bothered really? If so why do they never visit, why do they say words but have no actions.

I have people in my life that love me, they know they love me and I feel it. Others know they should do, but they don’t because you are not as important as the things or people they regard as important. But I ask you this question. Are not some of those people that you regard as important, people that provide or give something to you. Or do you want nothing from them but they do anyway. Do you maintain relationships because you benifit from them, or do you show those that you love that you do for no reward. If you want nothing but still do, that’s true love. That’s unconditional love.

Please watch this short video, it says all this post is meant to be.

Unconditional love for another, is one of the most precious actions a person can be. Do you do because you want to do, or because it benefits you to do. What ever your thoughts on this subject only you will truly know, what the relationships you cultivate mean to you. A true friend will love you anyway, there are many people that I have discovered don’t really care. True colours come shining through, in illness. It makes me so sad, people do for themselves and not the person that really needs them. Maybe because it’s convenient to them, and it’s of great benifit to them you maintain your friendship. There are people I love now, that I did not some 10 years ago. Why? Because they have been there no matter what, a shoulder no matter what. A friend no matter what. They have given to me not wanting reward, or anything in return. People like that are precious, people like that are for sure people that give strength in our fight. Treasure those that treasure you. Remembering that, what you give is not how much it cost, but whether it came from each your head or your heart. When someone gives from their heart, they are the Angels of the earth. People that don’t care if you are weak or strong. They are just there, and don’t mind if you are not strong. They just love you anyway.

Thank you for being you, and allowing me to be a real person. Not expecting anything from me, it means a lot. Because I want to be who I truly am. Not strong all the time.

Fonz

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≈ 47 Comments

The best you, there is.

18 Friday Mar 2016

Tags

belief, believe, Belive, carryon, chemotheropy, hope, love, motivation

Your faced with a path that you feel you don’t have the strength to complete. Well I am writing this to motivate you where you are at. What ever you face today, you are the best you that you can be, you are a you that no one else can be. I have realised something recently in my life, that you are what you give not what you have. We are not defined by what we have but by what we give. What you give does not have to be money, or things. As long as what you give is the best you there is.

A you that keeps moving forwards. Although Rocky Balboa is a made up character. Rocky has helped me in my life, the story sylvester initiated encouraged me to carry on. To finish my treatment, to get up when I thought it was not possible. I am reliving my bonemarrow transplant at the moment through a person that’s stuck in a room having what I had also. Remembering how many times me and my wife watched rocky 3 and 4 over and over and over. Gaining strength as I reached for the power within me. The power God gave me, that he gave me because I asked. You can carry on, you can win. You just have to stand and move forwards.NO MATTER WHAT!.

Listen to your heart, and keep moving forwards towards the goal you have set. You are not rich because of what you have, you are rich because of what you give.

PAIN does not last forever, use your pain as a viechle to help others. Choose to get up choose to reach out to someone and make a difference. Pain does not last for ever but what ever you do because of that pain will last a lifetime.

Fonz

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Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

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≈ 10 Comments

How truly amazing.

20 Saturday Feb 2016

Tags

carling cup, disbelief, final, football, friendship, hope, love, wembley

So last night I thought as a last resort not thinking anything would come of it, that I would ask if anyone knew of a way to get tickets for a football match on Face book. Let me explain. My wife is a massive and I mean massive Manchester city fan. All of my life I have been a plastic Liverpool fan. You know the type a fan because I liked Red, that is the only reason I chose Liverpool as a 6 year old 41 years ago. My dad always promised me he would take me to see Liverpool at Anfield, so I did at the time you were allowed to smoke so I predicted that the mighty Liverpool would defeat my dads beloved Arsenal 3-1 so I took 3 cigars with me to celebrate each goal. We slaughtered them 4-1 even standing up and asking if anyone had another cigar as I had only brought 3, it did not go down well at all with the Arsenal fans. Maybe I just said that yo my dad, but it’s nice to elaborate a story now and again.
Me and my wife have been to watch her beloved City on 3 occasions even going with my dad when city hosted Aresenal at Manchester. Arsenal won on that occasion and we have seen city on two other occasions. I remember telling Andie how flat the atmosphere was, how quiet the fans were with seemingly no passion like my wife and her late mum had for their beloved team. The ground had no buzz about it like Anfield. Anfield was constant singing from beginning to end, the fans were so passionate and I can safely say I have never exsperienced anything like it. Blackburn against Preston was even worse held at Ewood park. There was nowhere I had been where there is such passion for their football team other than watching Liverpool at home. It’s a day I will never forget, and now that Liverpools ground will be extended I doubt the atmosphere will be emulated in the new ground although the passion of the fans will never disappear.

So it would be a massive thing for us both to go and watch Liverpool vs Man city anywhere really would be fantastic, something my wife and I would love to do together. Over the 12 years we have been together I have gotten to understand football, heck I could proberbly tell you how the off side rule works now. You do that don’t you, get involved in what interests your partner. So I asked friends if they knew where I could buy tickets for the capital cup final at Wembley for the Liverpool City game.

My dear friend Daniel Clydeburn asked his friends on Facebook for us to, (He’s a Manchester United fan) within 10 mins he messaged me to say he had tickets… Yea I did think it was a wind up, that is until he rang me this morning. 10 mins into the conversation telling me the tickets his friend had let us have were only ‘Wembley club seats’ pretty much the best seats you can have at wembley. To say I am pleased is an understatement, but my wife is climbing the walls she can’t believe it. We feel so blessed, and also so grateful. It’s almost like manna from heaven, it’s amazing this life that we have. Rest assured I will let you know what it’s like in a blog. We will be there a week on Sunday. Wow.

Have a great weekend

Fonz

Follow me, I will follow back. 😊
http://www.fonzandcancer.com

Follow me on Twitter

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Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

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Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

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Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Carling cup final, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Relationships, Super Bowl 50, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 20 Comments

There is no old you.

17 Wednesday Feb 2016

Tags

attitude, becoming, business, Cancerstories, failure, faith, hope, love, you, yourself

There are some things that will never be, like you will never be the person you were yesterday. The you that you are today really is the only you that there is, so many people look at what they were and want to be that person again. Hey I did the same myself, thought that I would get Mark back become the old me. Funny though isn’t it, I am 47 now and I will never be 47 again, I will never be the me that was me today tomorrow, all I can be is the best I can be today. The way I do that is by loving, caring, and giving what I can to as many people as I can everyday. Now when I was 37 I was certainly more physically able, I need to stop thinking that whilst I could that I still can. Because I am a different me now. One that had cancer.

It’s all very well me saying CAN all the time, maybe there is a new can though. A CAN that’s still useful but not the same as what I used to be at 37, when cancer was just something someone else gets, not me. A word that I had no knowledge of, chemotherapy was something I had no picture to put in my thought box of. I had no clues back then, I was indestructible and going to live forever. Die, me… Never.. Maybe you have been there?

Now life is different, because rather than expecting a day and taking it for granted. I am grateful for a day, and appreciate the small things in life! Like birds singing, fresh air. NOT having to goto hospital till August this year. That’s part of the 47 yr old Me. I have stopped expecting to be the fit 37 yr old me, because that was then and this is now. I am now on a day to day plan. Enjoying the day set out before me to the best I can, doing the best I can, for as many people I can. I am not unhappy to be that, I am really pleased to have some life to live that I might give to someone today.

Your attitude to life and people is what counts, not what you were or what you hoped you would be, that’s not possible because of illness. That just leads to an unhappy life, striving for something that’s impossible. Happiness is knowing you are the best you can be, with the available you that you are today. By having a grateful heart, and attitude to life. Breeds happiness and ultimately, contentment. Rather than self endured stress, trying to be the old you.

Accept a new and better you is you tomorrow, that the past is just that. Take an X, why are they an X. Because they made your then now not the best now there can be. Enjoy your new now today.

– Fonz

Follow me, I will follow back. 😊
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Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

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Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Relationships, Super Bowl 50, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 42 Comments

The songs, that helped me beat cancer.

15 Monday Feb 2016

Tags

business, encouragement, energy, enjoyment, healing, health, hope, love

This is one,

One love by David Guetta and Estelle.

Also this one was a great comfort

But the David Guetta song was prevalent in my fight. It was a song where I imagined all those people that cared, both online and in reality. I could imagine them there with me urging me on, encouraging me in voice and spirit. While I sat having chemo I would go through the list of cancer stories members, I would imagine them there each and everyone. Each friend there with me and Andie my family. Supporting me and encouraging me on, the songs gave me strength.

The other song that helped me was,

If you know what it’s like to fight an illness, then you will understand the lyrics in these songs. But even if you are not fighting for your life I am sure you understand why these songs meant something to me even us. I would play one love over and over in the car. I am sure that if these songs did not exsist then I would have found something else. What are yours? Do you have any songs that have spurred you on and given you energy. It would be nice if you could share your uplifting music with us in this Monday morning. Songs can give us strength at moments in our lives. I can’t wait to view yours.

I look forward to an encouraging morning, for me and for yourself as we start the week with positivity…

– Fonz

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Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

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Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

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Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Relationships, Super Bowl 50, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 33 Comments

Valentine’s Day, or everyday?

14 Sunday Feb 2016

Tags

#valentinesweekend, cancer, flowers, hope, life, love, loved, lover, petals, roses

In our house we don’t celebrate Halmark day, the day that was made up by a card company to gain sales on a day that is 8 weeks after Christmas and 6 weeks before Easter. Halmark called this day Valentine’s Day. Now I suppose it’s great for the young ones that don’t know how to tell some one of their fondness for them. But it’s no secret that I love my wife, we have after all been in love for 12 years nearly. Over a hundred people came to our wedding, they all know we love each other to. So there is no secret Valentine here. I may very well buy her some roses when they are half price tomorrow though, that way Valentine’s Day has given me something.

I was laughing to myself as I saw married men with children buying flowers for their wives, at the inflated prices. Does it really matter, would it not be better to buy flowers because you want to, rather than on a day that your feel forced to because of a date. I hold my wife every single day and tell her she is appreciated and loved by me. I want her to feel wanted and loved everyday. She knows how I work, I can’t stand feeling I have an obligation to do, forced to do. I do because I want to do.

I feel sorry for the people that are made to feel awkward because they did not follow the expectations of society. I do not feel awkward in any way. Love should be shown everyday not just on Valentine’s Day. I mean would the money not be better spent on something other than flowers on 14th of Feb. Or like me will you buy flowers if they are cheap enough after the shops have made the shops have made their money from the folk that paid the inflated prices.

£50 today, £25 tomorrow

Surely loving because you want to is better than feeling you have to show it. As I said I think it has its place for youngsters who have a secret admiration for someone and don’t know how to break the ice. But not for us marrieds.

I look forward to the varied responses the world has to my thoughts in this post. Oh and happy Sunday.

Fonz

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Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

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Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Relationships, Super Bowl 50, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 47 Comments

Black or white.

13 Saturday Feb 2016

Tags

acceptance, black, business, cancer, creed, hope, labels, love, Peace, princeea, white

How are you today, I was drawn attention to this video this morning. It’s something that’s been on my mind for a while but had no idea how to approach it. Yet I should have, because no one taught cancer to know what your race is. I love the car idea. That we are all given a car/body. We did not choose it, we just find ourselves in it… It’s not a choice is it to be black or white. Although it seems black people want to be white, and white people want to be black. That is why you see whit people sunbathing.

When I was in the cancer day unit you saw people walk in there from all walks of life, different people different ages from all corners of the earth. Kenny Dalglishs wife was treated in my ward. They like me chose the NHS for treatment because they have the best doctors. I have no idea why cancer chose me, maybe you are a fortunate one and cancer never chose you. I really hope if that is the case that it never does. But cancer does not define us, we are who we are on the inside. Many people have battle scars from cancer, scars on their face, body but is that scar who they are. NO.

We are still the same person inside arnt we, as prince Ea says, we are taught to be black or white, Asian or Mexican. As he also says when we are babies we did not care what colour another babies skin is or was. We were taught to give someone a label to someone by society weren’t we. We all were without exception, we were taught to put a tick that says black white or Asian next to it.

Well I want my innocence back, I don’t want to judge you by your scars, your colour or creed. I just want to accept you because of who you are inside. I want to care about the inner you, the you that really matters, I want to unlearn what those boxes mean and start to accept. In sales we are taught not to prejudge people on appearances, it’s the same thing on earth. We are all people, I mean what right do I have to do anything but love my Nieghbour. The bible even speaks about it, saying We (humans) are one body. It does not matter what colour your skin is, we should just love and respect each other without the labels. Would we not live a happier life, would we not enjoy life more if ALL the barriers were removed. The labels removed and there was just one box that said Human. Because that’s what we all are isn’t it. Human. Who care what colour our skin is right?

If you see the scar, try and remember the person has not changed. It’s just some of the skin they are wrapped up in is gone, so they can live again. It’s not how we look, it’s who we are that matters.

Fonz

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Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

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Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Relationships, Super Bowl 50, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 20 Comments

Giving to others, helps us to grow.

12 Friday Feb 2016

Tags

business, encouragement, faith, growing, hope, love, loving

This world seems to be full of sentences like, how much? Everything seems to have a price. I guess even life has a price, it’s just what I have had to give cost nothing, yet was everything of me that was required to regain my life. Every tiny bit of my strength was required to live. So what was the point in me surviving and living a life if I am not able to use it to help others to gain their strength also. My life from now on has to be dedicated to others, encouraging others that they may not only grow, but find it within themselves the ability that was always there, to be able to overcome what they face. Maybe even what you face.

I used to go into the hospital and have my treatment and leave when I fought cancer the first time. I was deceived in that by giving to other people was going to take away the very strength I needed to fight my fight. Yet when I went in for my transplant I started to reach out to other suffers to encourage them, maybe even inspire them to continue the fight they faced. I never wanted anything in return, but what I found is that, everyday somebody encouraged me as a result of me reaching out and putting myself out there so to speak. As a friend said to me today “you don’t know what’s inside something, unless you look”

So yesterday, although I had had a clear scan and blood tests. I was concerned that I would not get a negative blood result as my blood had not been tested for 15 weeks. I can’t tell you how pleased I was, because I will not have to have a test again now till August next year, effectively. I now have my life back… It’s amazing to be able to say. Whilst I was waiting for them to take my blood yesterday, I asked the staff nurse if I could take drinks to people that were being treated. They let me, so I ended up in the privalaged position to be able to have conversations with other people that were having various treatments for all sorts of problems. Many people were sat in the very seats where I used to sit having the horrendous drugs put into my body.

I felt emotional doing it, because at that time I did not know if I would be back in those seats myself until my blood results came later that day. Doing those things I believe helped me to grow and energised me, it lifted my spirits that I was able to do. Because I had been sat in those seats and had my treatments I was able to grow.
Your gift to help another will come back to you in some way I am sure of it. Give what you can if you are able. Nothing you do for others is wasted, somewhere you will find your blessing because you gave with a free spirit. I find it amazing that I can think about giving everyday and not have to worry about the bump in the road that was cancer. I can now move

forwards by faith believing it will not return. Also giving words of life and encouragement to those I meet along the way. I had hoped for 200 followers by the end of 2016 I got my 500 award today. So there must be something good happening out there.

When you give, it’s not of yourself. Giving gives you strength in your own life, to carry on.

Have a great weekend

– Fonz

Follow me on Twitter

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Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

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Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Relationships, Super Bowl 50, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 44 Comments

I BEAT CANCER!!!!

11 Thursday Feb 2016

Tags

beaten, business, cancer, define, fight, Hodgkins, lymphoma

If your reading I guess it’s because you are happy to hear someone has slam dunked cancer. Well let’s just say I am daring to believe that this is done, it’s not been a breeze. Certainly not a walk in the park or shopping trolley dent done in the supermarket car park. Oh no this was a full on bare knuckled fight to the end, there were not really many moments that were restful, although we did make time for each other on many occasions.

There were many times when I thought I could not carry on, many times I held out my arms and just said “help me” many times I thought I had dug so deep I had nothing more yo give, then found that I was indeed able to dig a little deeper. Many times I felt that I would not be able to do another day. Yet I never missed one appointment, one procedure, one blood test, operation or hospital stay. I feel as though I have done the impossible, faith family and friends has given me the strength to carry on. Given me hope in the storm, and a calming breeze in the midst of a hot day. The Wars won, I am welling up just saying those words. Three words just like at the beginning. When I was told “you have cancer” yet the feelings are so very far apart from each other. “The Wars Won” WOW… I am overwhelmed right now. Celebrate with me. I will continue to blog every day as before. But this has to be one of the best blogs on the planet.

The story of a man who was close to death, to becoming victorious over, this terrible desease. I just hope above all hope that other south there get some strength and comfort knowing, my war is won. For the rest of my days I will hold out my hand to help mankind. Be encouraged dear friends.

Your cancer free friend

Fonz

Follow me on Twitter

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Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

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Posted by fonzandcancer | Filed under Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Relationships, Super Bowl 50, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 165 Comments

A violent Storm.

10 Wednesday Feb 2016

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Relationships, Super Bowl 50, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 42 Comments

Tags

cancer, challenge, illness, life, love, mankind, MS, persevere, rain, storm, sunshine

As my friend Rob reminded me today, not personally. Just by being himself. I was reminded from my inner self,that the storms that have raged throughout my life, have happened for a reason. No matter what happens to me, or to anyone else for that matter. ‘Life will go on’ storms will rage in your life. It is impossible for us to learn without there being a storm, impossible for good things to happen unless we endure a storm.

A storm in reality is the planets way of clearing the air, yet with all storms that come. Brings with the storm life. Water, that helps growth and wind that removes dead leaves. The leaves that impair the trees very life system. It’s the same in our lives, when facing illness, or coping with caring for another with a life threatening disease. It may not be life threatening either, just a long hard slog of treatments and arduous hospital visits yo become well again.

What my friend reminded me was that after every storm, there is peace and sunshine. The life giving sun that seems to be the corner stone of all life without exception. Even us humans need to sun for vitamin d in our bodies. The world although Finely balanced is the giver of life. During a storm it’s hard going to move forwards, keep warm, dry , hydrated and fed. Yet there will always be sunshine. Never will you not see sunshine in your life, and if the sunshine has gone from the brokenness that the storm left behind. There are always memories of when the sun once shone brightly in our lives, we humans are the very product of sunshine that shone after the storm.

You will not know how long a storm will rage, but in some warped way I find happiness that there is a storm because I know full well that there WILL be sunshine, even in death there is sunshine because in death there are no more storms to endure. So my dear friends, smile in your storm safe in the knowledge there will be sunshine. Hold your head in your hands and sigh if you like, but do that you may just miss the sunshine you could have found. Start living your life expecting the sunshine as apposed to seeing life as a storm to endure.

It’s perspective alone will brighten your outlook,

Fonz

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Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

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The smell of home.

09 Tuesday Feb 2016

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Relationships, Super Bowl 50, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 59 Comments

Tags

feeling, home, love, pancakes, smell, tuesday

The smells of home change dramatically when your dealing with cancer, I grew to hate sanitizer. It actually makes me feel sick because of what it reminds me of. Fortunately for us that’s not our smell of home, in fact I think my smell of Sunday is my smell of home. The smell of roast beef cooking, now that’s home to me. Not so for my Andie though, her smell of Home is pan cakes. So that’s what we did tonight, we made Andies now home smell like her home when she was a little girl on shrove Tuesday.

Aparentley Andies mum was the best at flipping them, all in the wrist action which I am inclined to agree with. I like mine a bit thick while Andie likes hers a bit thinner. I did Andies first, she wanted maple syrup with hers so I followed suit. I never had them with maple syrup before, but I have to say I enjoyed them.

Pancake Tuesday did end up being a flop after all, only the flop was on the plate.

I just hope Liverpool get on top of West Ham in the second half so we can go to wood park and play Blackburn.

What did you have your pancakes with tonight?

Fonz

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Forgiven.

08 Monday Feb 2016

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Relationships, Super Bowl 50, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 36 Comments

Tags

cancer, deserve, forgiven, forgiveness, lovehope, me, time, you, yourself

Well I don’t know about you, but I feel great when someone forgives me. We all make mistakes, say the wrong thing, take things to heart or misjudge a situation. Have you ever thought about yourself, have you ever thought that it may be yourself you need to forgive. Well the mistakes you have made may just have affected your own life, other people you have forgiven they have forgiven you so why have you not forgiven you?

You may not have even considered it important, but let me tell you. You are THE most important person in your life. Your mental health is so very important. Putting yourself in situations that are unhealthy for you. eg around negative people. You don’t do that do you. If you do it’s time to start looking after you, forgiving yourself for not looking after you and making some changes in your life. Making a differance that means you are looking out for you, making sure you are well so you can do good in the world.

I started a group over a year ago, a group that helps people to support each other, people that have and are being affected by cancer. A friend said to me “Dont forget to give yourself time” someone else said it to me today. It’s true, that we all need to make time for ourselves, acknowledge we are not perfect and forgive ourselves for neglecting ourselves, and not being the strong person we should be because we have worn ourselves out. That’s why we all help each other out, there are people that will look after CS in my absence and help lighten the load.

The bottom line is. Giving is admirable, as long as you give time to yourself. Time for yourself and time to forgive yourself. Because how ever important others are to you, with out you they can’t be helped by you.

– Fonz

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Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

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http://dreambigdreamoften.wordpress.com

Recommended bloggers. I love bloggers.

08 Monday Feb 2016

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Relationships, Super Bowl 50, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 16 Comments

Tags

cancer, help, hope, love, oldman, selfless, superbowl

Hi everyone,

Every week whilst I meet people online, I have been looking out mainly people that I did not know. People that seem to blog because they have but one motive, to encourage and reach out to other people. Here are the people I have found this week, people that are there selflessly and not for stats, or hits, or their own gain. But selfless kind people that get overlooked. It’s my hope that every week I am able to share links of these type of people.
If you yourself find someone you think is worthy, please draw them to my attention?

Danny shares people’s links everyday, he is a caring man himself and while he suffers himself daily, he has always got Time for others. Thanks Danny. – Fonz

http://timenomatter.wordpress.com

This blogger Kat, one of life’s good people. Paying for the persons coffee behind them in the line, spreading human kindness. I like that a lot… Thanks Kat

http://ramblingsofk.wordpress.com

Kim is one of the kindest bloggers I have met, she is always there ready to offer help to anyone. I have seen her reach out to others daily. Why don’t you nip over and giver some encouragement. Thanks Kim. 😊

Unless we make a change, how is the world going to even be ever so slightly better, I believe it starts with us being selfless in our lives. Giving with out wanting anything in return. I am enjoying finding these people. Although I have spoken to many more people this week, you spend time getting to know someone don’t you. For sure there are people that I want to recommend it could be you. Please take the time to read these blogs, I believe these people to be selfless. Please do make me aware of people you think need a mention.

Have a great week

– Fonz

Follow me on Twitter

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Email – fonzicloud@icloud.com

Our support group on our FB

Cancer stories (people helping people through experience)

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There will always be hope.

07 Sunday Feb 2016

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Relationships, Super Bowl 50, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

always, believe, caroline, hope, life, love, superbowl

No matter how bad life is there is always something, you can succeed at. Where there is life, there is HOPE.

Mr Steven Hawkin

– Fonz

Follow me on Twitter

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Never watched super bowl

07 Sunday Feb 2016

Posted by fonzandcancer in Cancer, Cancer stories, Chemothearopy, Christmas, depression, Holiday, Hope, Love, Paris, Relationships, Super Bowl 50, Uncategorized, Winner

≈ 34 Comments

Tags

American, carolina, cheerleaders, Denver, NFL, soperbowl

So guys, I have seriously never watched NFL, I always thought there were a load of pansies prancing around in liatards, shoulder pads? As a Brit, we play rugby, shorts and no pads apart from a gum guard. Today however, I am going to watch the super bowl tonight.

Carolinea panthers against the Denver Broncos.

I am going to support the underdogs and let you know what I thought in tomorrows blog. Hope all you Americans enjoy your day, I know it’s a big day for you all. May the best team win.

Fonz