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The not knowing, is without doubt the hardest. Being in a situation where you are not able to know what your future holds is hard in itself. It’s a place where you can’t do anything about your future, all you can do is wait for your diagnosis. You don’t know how hard you need to hit, you are not able to prepare yourself for the road ahead.myour in limbo until your told what you have. I remember the day I was diagnosed like it was 5 minutes ago. But my brain struggles to recall the days leading up to it, the tests after tests after tests. You find yourself at the lowest point in your life, tears roll down your face for no apparent reason. It’s like you know that the you that is now, is gone forever. It’s almost as though you are starting to grieve who you were, but yet you can’t grieve because you don’t know what you are grieving yet.All you do know is that you may have cancer, the more tests that are done the more the likley hood is that you do have cancer. But how do you fight it, is it terminal? How long do I have to live? What stage am I at? How will my family cope? All of these thoughts and many many more flood through your mind ALL the time. I remember looking up at the sky one night, thinking how selfish the people on the plane were that I could see, did they not know what I may be facing. It’s a strange place to be not knowing. It is without doubt the hardest point in my life until then. The words that would come out of the consultants mouth were to change my life forever.
They kept predicting the stage that my possible cancer was at. 2 a was possible at first but within the space of 2 months the probability had gone up to 4a. I mean I can’t tell you how that makes you feel, the emotional roller coaster leading up to the diagnosis day. So many things were said that day, but the only word I really heard was “cancer” then that I would die quickly without treatment. It’s the time were you need your friends more than you ever did, just to take your mind off things and bring you back to some kind of old reality again. When you grieve the death of a family member, it’s not nice how you feel inside. Yet that’s exactly what I felt whilst waiting for diagnosis, grieving the me that had gone, knowing the you that you know would never be again. That there would be a new you that you did not know!
I am now 5 1/2 years on from diagnosis, I still morn the old me. At the same time I am starting to love the new me, while at the same time learning to live my life in new boundaries. I guess I was fortunate that my cancer was treatable, but I would have loved to have just gone under the knife once to remove it it’s never that simple though is it. All this time having treatment yet I have a feeling of elation, of defiance that I have beaten this evil desease. No matter how horrendous chemo makes you feel, how scary the procedures are.mi still say the worst is the not knowing.
Here’s lifting a glass to Life!
Enjoy what you have, life is THE most precious gift you have.
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Everything you read are based on my own experience and my own opinions. I express them here to encourage you. Please share with others, if it meant something to you it will to someone else.
At my worst, I retreat to your postings where I find strength and positiveness and faith. That makes me believe that there is still
light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you.
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Really, now that’s gotta be something. It’s the reason I wrote that you may find strength I wrote it all for you many blessing. Keep being blessed your loved and I want you to know that. Thanks for telling me that, it means so much more than you will ever even imagine in your mind. 😌
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Reblogged this on quirkywritingcorner and commented:
After being diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis I felt much the same way. MG is a neuromuscular disorder that causes weakness and affects voluntary muscles. All aspects of life suddenly became harder. I’m keeping my faith in God strong.
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Thank you and I pray you will be better each day. 😊
Pingback: What’s the worst part of cancer? | pandyb
I’m lifting my glass with you and for you…to your good health!
Carl D'Agostino said:
Diagnosed with prostate cancer last year. My doctor of 30 years was not taking regular PSA. Due to others matters I finally changed doctors and the new doctor recognized high PSA immediately. Early stage and confined to tiny area so that’s good. 43 radiations and now Lupron shot every several months. Seems it will be controlled and need not worry as something else will get me in the end. I rarely think about it anymore and just go about my business. Our stories need to be shared with other patients as well as with their agonizing family members.
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Dan clyburn said:
The past we cannot change , the future we can shape and mould, positiveness and compassion are your greatest strengths, as well as healing yourself , you are healing others, the process is everlasting, I this month of thoughtfulness and thankfulness, you have brought new friends,old friends together, that is a talent and one you should be duly proud of
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Thanks Dan that’s really kind of you to say. 😊
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